my mental dilemma
Rebecca De Hate
OK that subject line doesn't sound quite right but I think you'll
understand my "mental" dilemma. Here it is: last year I had my
child go to kindergarten, but by mid-January we (my son and I) decided
to stay home.... FREEDOM
Yet, my son has been wanting to go back.. I think it maybe the 'words'
he has heard from his not for homeschooling/unschooling grandma and
his dad (who he see often -every other weekend for sure -- even though
he was ok with me homeschooling since I have a teaching degree:)
So that's my mental dilemma -- send him to school or not!! I flop
back in forth . I really want to keep him home I found a great
diverse hs group that I just love and he's clicked with the kids and I
would like to see him grow in this group. But if he is feeling like
he is missing something by not going to school I don't want to do that
either.
I've thought to myself --well I'm the mother and we haven't even given
it a full year -- blah, blah
Yet... I'm also worried I'll send him then he will want to come home
yet again and that will bring big attention to me from the school, and
dad etc.....
any thoughts mine are becoming jumbled....
understand my "mental" dilemma. Here it is: last year I had my
child go to kindergarten, but by mid-January we (my son and I) decided
to stay home.... FREEDOM
Yet, my son has been wanting to go back.. I think it maybe the 'words'
he has heard from his not for homeschooling/unschooling grandma and
his dad (who he see often -every other weekend for sure -- even though
he was ok with me homeschooling since I have a teaching degree:)
So that's my mental dilemma -- send him to school or not!! I flop
back in forth . I really want to keep him home I found a great
diverse hs group that I just love and he's clicked with the kids and I
would like to see him grow in this group. But if he is feeling like
he is missing something by not going to school I don't want to do that
either.
I've thought to myself --well I'm the mother and we haven't even given
it a full year -- blah, blah
Yet... I'm also worried I'll send him then he will want to come home
yet again and that will bring big attention to me from the school, and
dad etc.....
any thoughts mine are becoming jumbled....
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
WHy does he want to go back to school? Have you asked him?
Does he need more friends? does he want to ride the big yellow bus?
Does he want more activities? Does he want to do more things on his own?
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Does he need more friends? does he want to ride the big yellow bus?
Does he want more activities? Does he want to do more things on his own?
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
What you're going through sounds like what is spoken of at this list as the
beginnings of de-schooling.
Until you're sure, your indecision around the subject will communicate a lot
to your child that is negative about having your child with you instead of
in school.
This is an unschooling forum and it is not so much a homeschooling method as
a parenting philosophy. If that's what you're interested in, you can read
and research about it not just here in the archives but also on
sandradodd.com and joyfullyrejoycing.com ---and there you can find tons of
links to follow.
Here's some specific ones:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/social/socialization.html
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/unschooling/whyichoseunschooling.html
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/academics/earlyyears.html
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/unschooling/firstquestions.html
~Katherine
beginnings of de-schooling.
Until you're sure, your indecision around the subject will communicate a lot
to your child that is negative about having your child with you instead of
in school.
This is an unschooling forum and it is not so much a homeschooling method as
a parenting philosophy. If that's what you're interested in, you can read
and research about it not just here in the archives but also on
sandradodd.com and joyfullyrejoycing.com ---and there you can find tons of
links to follow.
Here's some specific ones:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/social/socialization.html
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/unschooling/whyichoseunschooling.html
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/academics/earlyyears.html
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/unschooling/firstquestions.html
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, Rebecca De Hate <rebeccadehate@...> wrote:
>
> OK that subject line doesn't sound quite right but I think you'll
> understand my "mental" dilemma. Here it is: last year I had my
> child go to kindergarten, but by mid-January we (my son and I) decided
> to stay home.... FREEDOM
>
> Yet, my son has been wanting to go back.. I think it maybe the 'words'
> he has heard from his not for homeschooling/unschooling grandma and
> his dad (who he see often -every other weekend for sure -- even though
> he was ok with me homeschooling since I have a teaching degree:)
>
> So that's my mental dilemma -- send him to school or not!! I flop
> back in forth . I really want to keep him home I found a great
> diverse hs group that I just love and he's clicked with the kids and I
> would like to see him grow in this group. But if he is feeling like
> he is missing something by not going to school I don't want to do that
> either.
>
> I've thought to myself --well I'm the mother and we haven't even given
> it a full year -- blah, blah
>
> Yet... I'm also worried I'll send him then he will want to come home
> yet again and that will bring big attention to me from the school, and
> dad etc.....
>
> any thoughts mine are becoming jumbled....
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
I agree /understand about the parenting philosophy with the unschooling thought!
What do you mean about the negative about staying home??
What do you mean about the negative about staying home??
--- On Sat, 8/9/08, k <katherand@...> wrote:
From: k <katherand@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 3:28 PM
What you're going through sounds like what is spoken of at this list as the
beginnings of de-schooling.
Until you're sure, your indecision around the subject will communicate a lot
to your child that is negative about having your child with you instead of
in school.
This is an unschooling forum and it is not so much a homeschooling method as
a parenting philosophy. If that's what you're interested in, you can read
and research about it not just here in the archives but also on
sandradodd.com and joyfullyrejoycing. com ---and there you can find tons of
links to follow.
Here's some specific ones:
http://joyfullyrejo ycing.com/ social/socializa tion.html
http://joyfullyrejo ycing.com/ unschooling/ whyichoseunschoo ling.html
http://joyfullyrejo ycing.com/ academics/ earlyyears. html
http://joyfullyrejo ycing.com/ unschooling/ firstquestions. html
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, Rebecca De Hate <rebeccadehate@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> OK that subject line doesn't sound quite right but I think you'll
> understand my "mental" dilemma. Here it is: last year I had my
> child go to kindergarten, but by mid-January we (my son and I) decided
> to stay home.... FREEDOM
>
> Yet, my son has been wanting to go back.. I think it maybe the 'words'
> he has heard from his not for homeschooling/ unschooling grandma and
> his dad (who he see often -every other weekend for sure -- even though
> he was ok with me homeschooling since I have a teaching degree:)
>
> So that's my mental dilemma -- send him to school or not!! I flop
> back in forth . I really want to keep him home I found a great
> diverse hs group that I just love and he's clicked with the kids and I
> would like to see him grow in this group. But if he is feeling like
> he is missing something by not going to school I don't want to do that
> either.
>
> I've thought to myself --well I'm the mother and we haven't even given
> it a full year -- blah, blah
>
> Yet... I'm also worried I'll send him then he will want to come home
> yet again and that will bring big attention to me from the school, and
> dad etc.....
>
> any thoughts mine are becoming jumbled....
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
I have tired asking this -- at first I get the I don't know! then I start asking questions or talking to much!! any suggestions on how to "get" him to open up on the why?
I really think he just liked all the kids/friends. but I do have him around a group and other kids. Often He will say things like : that's how we did at my school.. my school, this or that... It's like he had a pride about it. I've tried to explain that we could do various 'schooly' things if he wanted??
I really think he just liked all the kids/friends. but I do have him around a group and other kids. Often He will say things like : that's how we did at my school.. my school, this or that... It's like he had a pride about it. I've tried to explain that we could do various 'schooly' things if he wanted??
--- On Sat, 8/9/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 2:13 PM
WHy does he want to go back to school? Have you asked him?
Does he need more friends? does he want to ride the big yellow bus?
Does he want more activities? Does he want to do more things on his own?
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow. blogspot. com/
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
That doesn't mean he wants to do schooly things. I'm not there but it
doesn't sound like pride. When children go to school a big part of the
feelings about their own competence become related in their minds with
school performance and academics. It takes quite a bit of adjustment to
figure out what he wants. Just go toward what he finds enjoyable or
relaxing or FUN: swimming, playing in any way he likes whether it's with
legos, in the dirt, video games, TV, talking, fingerpainting, blowing
bubbles, whatever.
If he seems to be missing his school friends, you might be able to arrange
for some get togethers. Other than that if it were me, I would continue
meeting with other kids-- but only if he seems to want to. Sometimes
changing everything all at once (which is ideal in most ways) is a lot to
acclimate to. All of a sudden, his friends are back in school and he's
not. It's normal to feel out of sorts with wholesale changes, and children
are either in school or they're not. Not much middle ground to gradually
move through.
I don't have experience dealing with taking a child out of school because
Karl has never gone to school. There are plenty of others here who do have
experience with it and are now unschooling. Kelly Lovejoy, for one. She
and others post frequently.
You might look up Rue Kream's book Parenting a Free Child (
http://www.freechild.info/) where she chronicles her experience of switching
from school to unschooling with her daughter Dagny.
~Katherine
doesn't sound like pride. When children go to school a big part of the
feelings about their own competence become related in their minds with
school performance and academics. It takes quite a bit of adjustment to
figure out what he wants. Just go toward what he finds enjoyable or
relaxing or FUN: swimming, playing in any way he likes whether it's with
legos, in the dirt, video games, TV, talking, fingerpainting, blowing
bubbles, whatever.
If he seems to be missing his school friends, you might be able to arrange
for some get togethers. Other than that if it were me, I would continue
meeting with other kids-- but only if he seems to want to. Sometimes
changing everything all at once (which is ideal in most ways) is a lot to
acclimate to. All of a sudden, his friends are back in school and he's
not. It's normal to feel out of sorts with wholesale changes, and children
are either in school or they're not. Not much middle ground to gradually
move through.
I don't have experience dealing with taking a child out of school because
Karl has never gone to school. There are plenty of others here who do have
experience with it and are now unschooling. Kelly Lovejoy, for one. She
and others post frequently.
You might look up Rue Kream's book Parenting a Free Child (
http://www.freechild.info/) where she chronicles her experience of switching
from school to unschooling with her daughter Dagny.
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@...> wrote:
>
> I have tired asking this -- at first I get the I don't know! then I
> start asking questions or talking to much!! any suggestions on how to "get"
> him to open up on the why?
> I really think he just liked all the kids/friends. but I do have him
> around a group and other kids. Often He will say things like : that's how
> we did at my school.. my school, this or that... It's like he had a pride
> about it. I've tried to explain that we could do various 'schooly' things if
> he wanted??
>
> --- On Sat, 8/9/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...<polykowholsteins%40yahoo.com>>
> wrote:
> From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...<polykowholsteins%40yahoo.com>
> >
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
> To: [email protected]<unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
> Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 2:13 PM
>
> WHy does he want to go back to school? Have you asked him?
>
> Does he need more friends? does he want to ride the big yellow bus?
>
> Does he want more activities? Does he want to do more things on his own?
>
>
>
> Alex Polikowsky
>
> http://polykow. blogspot. com/
>
>
>
> http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
Knowing what *you* want is difficult at this point. And your child is going
through the same thing. It will in all likelihood take some time of
relaxing, percolating with your thoughts and feelings ---doing nothing---
before what your child wants can come to the surface.
~Katherine
through the same thing. It will in all likelihood take some time of
relaxing, percolating with your thoughts and feelings ---doing nothing---
before what your child wants can come to the surface.
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, k <katherand@...> wrote:
>
> That doesn't mean he wants to do schooly things. I'm not there but it
> doesn't sound like pride. When children go to school a big part of the
> feelings about their own competence become related in their minds with
> school performance and academics. It takes quite a bit of adjustment to
> figure out what he wants. Just go toward what he finds enjoyable or
> relaxing or FUN: swimming, playing in any way he likes whether it's with
> legos, in the dirt, video games, TV, talking, fingerpainting, blowing
> bubbles, whatever.
>
> If he seems to be missing his school friends, you might be able to arrange
> for some get togethers. Other than that if it were me, I would continue
> meeting with other kids-- but only if he seems to want to. Sometimes
> changing everything all at once (which is ideal in most ways) is a lot to
> acclimate to. All of a sudden, his friends are back in school and he's
> not. It's normal to feel out of sorts with wholesale changes, and children
> are either in school or they're not. Not much middle ground to gradually
> move through.
>
> I don't have experience dealing with taking a child out of school because
> Karl has never gone to school. There are plenty of others here who do have
> experience with it and are now unschooling. Kelly Lovejoy, for one. She
> and others post frequently.
>
> You might look up Rue Kream's book Parenting a Free Child (
> http://www.freechild.info/) where she chronicles her experience of
> switching from school to unschooling with her daughter Dagny.
>
> ~Katherine
>
>
>
>
> On 8/9/08, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@...> wrote:
>>
>> I have tired asking this -- at first I get the I don't know! then I
>> start asking questions or talking to much!! any suggestions on how to "get"
>> him to open up on the why?
>> I really think he just liked all the kids/friends. but I do have him
>> around a group and other kids. Often He will say things like : that's how
>> we did at my school.. my school, this or that... It's like he had a pride
>> about it. I've tried to explain that we could do various 'schooly' things if
>> he wanted??
>>
>> --- On Sat, 8/9/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...<polykowholsteins%40yahoo.com>>
>> wrote:
>> From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...<polykowholsteins%40yahoo.com>
>> >
>> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
>> To: [email protected]<unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
>> Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 2:13 PM
>>
>> WHy does he want to go back to school? Have you asked him?
>>
>> Does he need more friends? does he want to ride the big yellow bus?
>>
>> Does he want more activities? Does he want to do more things on his own?
>>
>>
>>
>> Alex Polikowsky
>>
>> http://polykow. blogspot. com/
>>
>>
>>
>> http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
>>
>> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>>
>>
>>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
Since *you* are unsure about whether or not he can be happy at home, it's
difficult if not impossible to convey that it's a happy thing. Children are
like metal detectors sense the presence of negative vibes because they look
to adults to feel out situations.
Putting on a happy face when you're feeling unsure might help to some
degree. At the very least you can have the attitude of making an effort
that is thoroughgoing rather than half-hearted. Let's try it! How else are
you going to know if it's for you?
In the meantime, I would find ways to grow in confidence within myself about
*why* it's good. One way is to read about it... another way is to meetup
with other unschoolers. And I'm sure there are many other things to do
besides that. I know me..... I would want some knowledge! And then I could
make decisions about how I feel about it. Others need different experiences
in order to feel comfortable about unschooling because they want different
kinds of information.
~Katherine
difficult if not impossible to convey that it's a happy thing. Children are
like metal detectors sense the presence of negative vibes because they look
to adults to feel out situations.
Putting on a happy face when you're feeling unsure might help to some
degree. At the very least you can have the attitude of making an effort
that is thoroughgoing rather than half-hearted. Let's try it! How else are
you going to know if it's for you?
In the meantime, I would find ways to grow in confidence within myself about
*why* it's good. One way is to read about it... another way is to meetup
with other unschoolers. And I'm sure there are many other things to do
besides that. I know me..... I would want some knowledge! And then I could
make decisions about how I feel about it. Others need different experiences
in order to feel comfortable about unschooling because they want different
kinds of information.
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@...> wrote:
>
> I agree /understand about the parenting philosophy with the unschooling
> thought!
> What do you mean about the negative about staying home??
> --- On Sat, 8/9/08, k <katherand@... <katherand%40gmail.com>> wrote:
> From: k <katherand@... <katherand%40gmail.com>>
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
> To: [email protected]<unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
> Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 3:28 PM
>
> What you're going through sounds like what is spoken of at this list as the
>
> beginnings of de-schooling.
>
> Until you're sure, your indecision around the subject will communicate a
> lot
>
> to your child that is negative about having your child with you instead of
>
> in school.
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jamie Minnis
We are also in the beginning stages of unschooling (still deschooling, I'm sure) and my youngest is "wanting" to go back to school as well. He is only five, but has been in school-type settings (early intervention preschool and TONS of therapy for ASD -- none of which we do now) since he was 2. In talking with him, I have asked him if he really wanted to go to school or if he just wanted to stay home. Eventually, he admitted that he wants to stay home and play. He is a very agreeable child and loves to write, so I think he saw school as the place where he was allowed to write all the time and then got to play. Knowing what he loves (things that seem "schooly"), I have made sure that we do arts and craft activities during the day, read lots of books, play outside, and write notes, lists, stories, etc. As the other posters have also mentioned, I have made sure that on the days we can, that we have friends over. Of course, those friends don't
resemble the age-specific group he would have at school, but I think that is good. He loves interacting with both older and younger kids -- which I think is more like the real world.
Remember, you know your child best. If you truly believe that having him at home with you is best for him, then it IS best for him. Trust yourself and he will trust you too. Good luck!
Jamie
----- Original Message ----
From: k <katherand@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, August 9, 2008 3:47:14 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
That doesn't mean he wants to do schooly things. I'm not there but it
doesn't sound like pride. When children go to school a big part of the
feelings about their own competence become related in their minds with
school performance and academics. It takes quite a bit of adjustment to
figure out what he wants. Just go toward what he finds enjoyable or
relaxing or FUN: swimming, playing in any way he likes whether it's with
legos, in the dirt, video games, TV, talking, fingerpainting, blowing
bubbles, whatever.
If he seems to be missing his school friends, you might be able to arrange
for some get togethers. Other than that if it were me, I would continue
meeting with other kids-- but only if he seems to want to. Sometimes
changing everything all at once (which is ideal in most ways) is a lot to
acclimate to. All of a sudden, his friends are back in school and he's
not. It's normal to feel out of sorts with wholesale changes, and children
are either in school or they're not. Not much middle ground to gradually
move through.
I don't have experience dealing with taking a child out of school because
Karl has never gone to school. There are plenty of others here who do have
experience with it and are now unschooling. Kelly Lovejoy, for one. She
and others post frequently.
You might look up Rue Kream's book Parenting a Free Child (
http://www.freechil d.info/) where she chronicles her experience of switching
from school to unschooling with her daughter Dagny.
~Katherine
resemble the age-specific group he would have at school, but I think that is good. He loves interacting with both older and younger kids -- which I think is more like the real world.
Remember, you know your child best. If you truly believe that having him at home with you is best for him, then it IS best for him. Trust yourself and he will trust you too. Good luck!
Jamie
----- Original Message ----
From: k <katherand@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, August 9, 2008 3:47:14 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
That doesn't mean he wants to do schooly things. I'm not there but it
doesn't sound like pride. When children go to school a big part of the
feelings about their own competence become related in their minds with
school performance and academics. It takes quite a bit of adjustment to
figure out what he wants. Just go toward what he finds enjoyable or
relaxing or FUN: swimming, playing in any way he likes whether it's with
legos, in the dirt, video games, TV, talking, fingerpainting, blowing
bubbles, whatever.
If he seems to be missing his school friends, you might be able to arrange
for some get togethers. Other than that if it were me, I would continue
meeting with other kids-- but only if he seems to want to. Sometimes
changing everything all at once (which is ideal in most ways) is a lot to
acclimate to. All of a sudden, his friends are back in school and he's
not. It's normal to feel out of sorts with wholesale changes, and children
are either in school or they're not. Not much middle ground to gradually
move through.
I don't have experience dealing with taking a child out of school because
Karl has never gone to school. There are plenty of others here who do have
experience with it and are now unschooling. Kelly Lovejoy, for one. She
and others post frequently.
You might look up Rue Kream's book Parenting a Free Child (
http://www.freechil d.info/) where she chronicles her experience of switching
from school to unschooling with her daughter Dagny.
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> I have tired asking this -- at first I get the I don't know! then I
> start asking questions or talking to much!! any suggestions on how to "get"
> him to open up on the why?
> I really think he just liked all the kids/friends. but I do have him
> around a group and other kids. Often He will say things like : that's how
> we did at my school.. my school, this or that... It's like he had a pride
> about it. I've tried to explain that we could do various 'schooly' things if
> he wanted??
>
> --- On Sat, 8/9/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com<polykowholsteins% 40yahoo.com> >
> wrote:
> From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com<polykowholsteins% 40yahoo.com>
> >
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
> To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com<unschoolingbasics% 40yahoogroups. com>
> Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 2:13 PM
>
> WHy does he want to go back to school? Have you asked him?
>
> Does he need more friends? does he want to ride the big yellow bus?
>
> Does he want more activities? Does he want to do more things on his own?
>
>
>
> Alex Polikowsky
>
> http://polykow. blogspot. com/
>
>
>
> http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Aug 9, 2008, at 1:01 PM, rebecca de wrote:
with it. Say, "Yeah, that WAS what your teacher said." Just let him
own that experience without any sense of your judgment about it.
Sounds like he's looking back and processing what happened. If you
stay neutrally agreeable, you'll hear more of his thinking than
otherwise.
Do more stuff with the hsing group you've clicked with - do some
really fun things in the next week - call up a couple of his friends
from the group and get together during the day. Mention gently to him
that you won't be able to see much of them if he decides to go to
school. What I'm saying, is to help him really understand what he'll
be giving up - picturing what a decision will mean, how it will play
out, is not easy - help him with that.
And if he decides to go, make sure you are both in agreement that he
can stop going. Tell other adults in his/your life that you are going
to experiment with it, but you're not committing to it and may change
your mind.
-pam
> I really think he just liked all the kids/friends. but I do haveDon't be defensive, first of all. When he talks about "my school" - go
> him around a group and other kids. Often He will say things like :
> that's how we did at my school.. my school, this or that... It's
> like he had a pride about it. I've tried to explain that we could do
> various 'schooly' things if he wanted??
with it. Say, "Yeah, that WAS what your teacher said." Just let him
own that experience without any sense of your judgment about it.
Sounds like he's looking back and processing what happened. If you
stay neutrally agreeable, you'll hear more of his thinking than
otherwise.
Do more stuff with the hsing group you've clicked with - do some
really fun things in the next week - call up a couple of his friends
from the group and get together during the day. Mention gently to him
that you won't be able to see much of them if he decides to go to
school. What I'm saying, is to help him really understand what he'll
be giving up - picturing what a decision will mean, how it will play
out, is not easy - help him with that.
And if he decides to go, make sure you are both in agreement that he
can stop going. Tell other adults in his/your life that you are going
to experiment with it, but you're not committing to it and may change
your mind.
-pam
mommasgoodiesandgifts
I am new here to this group and to unschooling (we have been doign just
the schooly type since May and just switched to unschooling), but I
wanted to add a suggestion in here. I had been concerned about my
daughter b/c she missed her friends from school.. I dont know any of
the parents to set up playdates or visits.. my dd is 8 yo by the way..
we got her signed up for dance class again - where she will see some of
her old classmates.. and I also decided to start letting her go to the
skating rink on Fridays (all the local kids go there on Friday night -
it's a very small town so its safe and we know the owners of the
rink).. that is another opportunity to socialize and to see the friends
she missed.. perhaps you have similar things going on in the
community.. or even going to the area parks after ps lets out to let
her play with her peers.. I think it will make a world of difference.
Courtney from Louisiana
http://iveseenthevillage.blogspot.com
http://mommasgoodies.blogspot.com
the schooly type since May and just switched to unschooling), but I
wanted to add a suggestion in here. I had been concerned about my
daughter b/c she missed her friends from school.. I dont know any of
the parents to set up playdates or visits.. my dd is 8 yo by the way..
we got her signed up for dance class again - where she will see some of
her old classmates.. and I also decided to start letting her go to the
skating rink on Fridays (all the local kids go there on Friday night -
it's a very small town so its safe and we know the owners of the
rink).. that is another opportunity to socialize and to see the friends
she missed.. perhaps you have similar things going on in the
community.. or even going to the area parks after ps lets out to let
her play with her peers.. I think it will make a world of difference.
Courtney from Louisiana
http://iveseenthevillage.blogspot.com
http://mommasgoodies.blogspot.com
rebecca de
OK good!! I feel that I have been doing these steps YEAH!! I guess we are on the right track!! I think I just needed to get back with reading unschooling post and such to help me feel stronger about my whole decision!!
--- On Sat, 8/9/08, k <katherand@...> wrote:
From: k <katherand@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 4:47 PM
That doesn't mean he wants to do schooly things. I'm not there but it
doesn't sound like pride. When children go to school a big part of the
feelings about their own competence become related in their minds with
school performance and academics. It takes quite a bit of adjustment to
figure out what he wants. Just go toward what he finds enjoyable or
relaxing or FUN: swimming, playing in any way he likes whether it's with
legos, in the dirt, video games, TV, talking, fingerpainting, blowing
bubbles, whatever.
If he seems to be missing his school friends, you might be able to arrange
for some get togethers. Other than that if it were me, I would continue
meeting with other kids-- but only if he seems to want to. Sometimes
changing everything all at once (which is ideal in most ways) is a lot to
acclimate to. All of a sudden, his friends are back in school and he's
not. It's normal to feel out of sorts with wholesale changes, and children
are either in school or they're not. Not much middle ground to gradually
move through.
I don't have experience dealing with taking a child out of school because
Karl has never gone to school. There are plenty of others here who do have
experience with it and are now unschooling. Kelly Lovejoy, for one. She
and others post frequently.
You might look up Rue Kream's book Parenting a Free Child (
http://www.freechil d.info/) where she chronicles her experience of switching
from school to unschooling with her daughter Dagny.
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> I have tired asking this -- at first I get the I don't know! then I
> start asking questions or talking to much!! any suggestions on how to "get"
> him to open up on the why?
> I really think he just liked all the kids/friends. but I do have him
> around a group and other kids. Often He will say things like : that's how
> we did at my school.. my school, this or that... It's like he had a pride
> about it. I've tried to explain that we could do various 'schooly' things if
> he wanted??
>
> --- On Sat, 8/9/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com<polykowholsteins% 40yahoo.com> >
> wrote:
> From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com<polykowholsteins% 40yahoo.com>
> >
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
> To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com<unschoolingbasics% 40yahoogroups. com>
> Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 2:13 PM
>
> WHy does he want to go back to school? Have you asked him?
>
> Does he need more friends? does he want to ride the big yellow bus?
>
> Does he want more activities? Does he want to do more things on his own?
>
>
>
> Alex Polikowsky
>
> http://polykow. blogspot. com/
>
>
>
> http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
Thank you Jamie, I lost my trust in myself for a bit! but thanks to this group I'm trusting again!! I do think that staying home will be the best and that he may just feel like he is missing something (plus picking up on my fears -- I swear he reads my mind...) smiles thank you
--- On Sat, 8/9/08, Jamie Minnis <jamieminnis@...> wrote:
From: Jamie Minnis <jamieminnis@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 6:18 PM
We are also in the beginning stages of unschooling (still deschooling, I'm sure) and my youngest is "wanting" to go back to school as well. He is only five, but has been in school-type settings (early intervention preschool and TONS of therapy for ASD -- none of which we do now) since he was 2. In talking with him, I have asked him if he really wanted to go to school or if he just wanted to stay home. Eventually, he admitted that he wants to stay home and play. He is a very agreeable child and loves to write, so I think he saw school as the place where he was allowed to write all the time and then got to play. Knowing what he loves (things that seem "schooly"), I have made sure that we do arts and craft activities during the day, read lots of books, play outside, and write notes, lists, stories, etc. As the other posters have also mentioned, I have made sure that on the days we can, that we have friends over. Of course, those
friends don't
resemble the age-specific group he would have at school, but I think that is good. He loves interacting with both older and younger kids -- which I think is more like the real world.
Remember, you know your child best. If you truly believe that having him at home with you is best for him, then it IS best for him. Trust yourself and he will trust you too. Good luck!
Jamie
----- Original Message ----
From: k <katherand@gmail. com>
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Saturday, August 9, 2008 3:47:14 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
That doesn't mean he wants to do schooly things. I'm not there but it
doesn't sound like pride. When children go to school a big part of the
feelings about their own competence become related in their minds with
school performance and academics. It takes quite a bit of adjustment to
figure out what he wants. Just go toward what he finds enjoyable or
relaxing or FUN: swimming, playing in any way he likes whether it's with
legos, in the dirt, video games, TV, talking, fingerpainting, blowing
bubbles, whatever.
If he seems to be missing his school friends, you might be able to arrange
for some get togethers. Other than that if it were me, I would continue
meeting with other kids-- but only if he seems to want to. Sometimes
changing everything all at once (which is ideal in most ways) is a lot to
acclimate to. All of a sudden, his friends are back in school and he's
not. It's normal to feel out of sorts with wholesale changes, and children
are either in school or they're not. Not much middle ground to gradually
move through.
I don't have experience dealing with taking a child out of school because
Karl has never gone to school. There are plenty of others here who do have
experience with it and are now unschooling. Kelly Lovejoy, for one. She
and others post frequently.
You might look up Rue Kream's book Parenting a Free Child (
http://www.freechil d.info/) where she chronicles her experience of switching
from school to unschooling with her daughter Dagny.
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> I have tired asking this -- at first I get the I don't know! then I
> start asking questions or talking to much!! any suggestions on how to "get"
> him to open up on the why?
> I really think he just liked all the kids/friends. but I do have him
> around a group and other kids. Often He will say things like : that's how
> we did at my school.. my school, this or that... It's like he had a pride
> about it. I've tried to explain that we could do various 'schooly' things if
> he wanted??
>
> --- On Sat, 8/9/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com<polykowho lsteins% 40yahoo.com> >
> wrote:
> From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com<polykowho lsteins% 40yahoo.com>
> >
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
> To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com<unschoolingbasi cs% 40yahoogroups. com>
> Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 2:13 PM
>
> WHy does he want to go back to school? Have you asked him?
>
> Does he need more friends? does he want to ride the big yellow bus?
>
> Does he want more activities? Does he want to do more things on his own?
>
>
>
> Alex Polikowsky
>
> http://polykow. blogspot. com/
>
>
>
> http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
Right on!! I do need to read more ! and be around more unschoolers!! via here again , re-checking Sandra dodd and Joyce fetterols websites! re-reading rue creams book etc!! I'm on it as we speak!!
--- On Sat, 8/9/08, k <katherand@...> wrote:
From: k <katherand@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 5:04 PM
Since *you* are unsure about whether or not he can be happy at home, it's
difficult if not impossible to convey that it's a happy thing. Children are
like metal detectors sense the presence of negative vibes because they look
to adults to feel out situations.
Putting on a happy face when you're feeling unsure might help to some
degree. At the very least you can have the attitude of making an effort
that is thoroughgoing rather than half-hearted. Let's try it! How else are
you going to know if it's for you?
In the meantime, I would find ways to grow in confidence within myself about
*why* it's good. One way is to read about it... another way is to meetup
with other unschoolers. And I'm sure there are many other things to do
besides that. I know me..... I would want some knowledge! And then I could
make decisions about how I feel about it. Others need different experiences
in order to feel comfortable about unschooling because they want different
kinds of information.
~Katherine
On 8/9/08, rebecca de <rebeccadehate@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> I agree /understand about the parenting philosophy with the unschooling
> thought!
> What do you mean about the negative about staying home??
> --- On Sat, 8/9/08, k <katherand@gmail. com <katherand%40gmail. com>> wrote:
> From: k <katherand@gmail. com <katherand%40gmail. com>>
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma
> To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com<unschoolingbasics% 40yahoogroups. com>
> Date: Saturday, August 9, 2008, 3:28 PM
>
> What you're going through sounds like what is spoken of at this list as the
>
> beginnings of de-schooling.
>
> Until you're sure, your indecision around the subject will communicate a
> lot
>
> to your child that is negative about having your child with you instead of
>
> in school.
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kristinmoke
My son (now 5) went through periods of this for a while even after
just one semester of preschool at age 3. I used to have a lot of fear
about him wanting to go to school before I had a chance to get us to
the free and happy unschooling life I had embraced in theory but not
yet fully in practice. Initially, joining a homeschool co-op helped
some as he had/has a place he can call his "school" with a "teacher"
(he does a Spanish class) and a playground. But I would feel
threatened when he talked about wanting to go back to preschool or
eventually to a school for bigger kids- I could feel it in the pit of
my stomach and knew my visceral reaction meant my thinking around
this was not clear and positive and he fully picked up on that
energy. But for a long time I had a really hard time figuring out how
to shift it.
I've actually just recognized recently what a big shift has happened
for us in this and it was reflected in a conversation we just had as
he's reacting to all the talk of friends going back to school soon.
It went something like:
J: "Mom, I'm not going to go to the school yet where I ride the
school bus, right?"
Me: "Yeah, you want to go back to your school in Munster" (our weekly
homeschool co-op)
J: "yeah"
Me: "I was thinking you don't ever have to go to that school where
you ride the school bus because you'd have to go every day, all day
long. But you don't have to go to that school to ride a school bus.
Hey, how about we ride a school bus to go to the fair today?
(Beautiful serendipity- we had plans to go to the county fair and I
knew they were running school buses as shuttles from the remote
parking)
J: "But I want to ride one that picks us up at our house"
Me: "Well, they do that for kids that go to school every day- it
picks up everyone at their house and takes them to their school."
J: "Oh."
Me: "So should we check out the school bus that will take us to the
fair?"
J: "Yeah!" (with big excited smile)
He loved it btw and I loved him loving it. I don't know if that
dialogue depicts the ease and lightness I felt in this conversation
with him, but that was the big difference. I feel much more confident
about the life we're creating and the fear of him wanting school has
dissipated over this year or so as we moved toward unschooling. We
had come from a pretty controlling place so I think trust-building
has been a big part of it and of course actually living what I *Know*
to be a free and happy life is the other part.
I don't know how we might have come to this place faster since it's
such a path and a process. But I know your question really helped me
to analyze where I was (and wasn't) in a way I couldn't at the time,
so maybe that will help you in some way.
Kristin
--- In [email protected], "Rebecca De Hate"
<rebeccadehate@...> wrote:
just one semester of preschool at age 3. I used to have a lot of fear
about him wanting to go to school before I had a chance to get us to
the free and happy unschooling life I had embraced in theory but not
yet fully in practice. Initially, joining a homeschool co-op helped
some as he had/has a place he can call his "school" with a "teacher"
(he does a Spanish class) and a playground. But I would feel
threatened when he talked about wanting to go back to preschool or
eventually to a school for bigger kids- I could feel it in the pit of
my stomach and knew my visceral reaction meant my thinking around
this was not clear and positive and he fully picked up on that
energy. But for a long time I had a really hard time figuring out how
to shift it.
I've actually just recognized recently what a big shift has happened
for us in this and it was reflected in a conversation we just had as
he's reacting to all the talk of friends going back to school soon.
It went something like:
J: "Mom, I'm not going to go to the school yet where I ride the
school bus, right?"
Me: "Yeah, you want to go back to your school in Munster" (our weekly
homeschool co-op)
J: "yeah"
Me: "I was thinking you don't ever have to go to that school where
you ride the school bus because you'd have to go every day, all day
long. But you don't have to go to that school to ride a school bus.
Hey, how about we ride a school bus to go to the fair today?
(Beautiful serendipity- we had plans to go to the county fair and I
knew they were running school buses as shuttles from the remote
parking)
J: "But I want to ride one that picks us up at our house"
Me: "Well, they do that for kids that go to school every day- it
picks up everyone at their house and takes them to their school."
J: "Oh."
Me: "So should we check out the school bus that will take us to the
fair?"
J: "Yeah!" (with big excited smile)
He loved it btw and I loved him loving it. I don't know if that
dialogue depicts the ease and lightness I felt in this conversation
with him, but that was the big difference. I feel much more confident
about the life we're creating and the fear of him wanting school has
dissipated over this year or so as we moved toward unschooling. We
had come from a pretty controlling place so I think trust-building
has been a big part of it and of course actually living what I *Know*
to be a free and happy life is the other part.
I don't know how we might have come to this place faster since it's
such a path and a process. But I know your question really helped me
to analyze where I was (and wasn't) in a way I couldn't at the time,
so maybe that will help you in some way.
Kristin
--- In [email protected], "Rebecca De Hate"
<rebeccadehate@...> wrote:
>decided
> OK that subject line doesn't sound quite right but I think you'll
> understand my "mental" dilemma. Here it is: last year I had my
> child go to kindergarten, but by mid-January we (my son and I)
> to stay home.... FREEDOMthe 'words'
>
> Yet, my son has been wanting to go back.. I think it maybe
> he has heard from his not for homeschooling/unschooling grandma andthough
> his dad (who he see often -every other weekend for sure -- even
> he was ok with me homeschooling since I have a teaching degree:)and I
>
> So that's my mental dilemma -- send him to school or not!! I flop
> back in forth . I really want to keep him home I found a great
> diverse hs group that I just love and he's clicked with the kids
> would like to see him grow in this group. But if he is feeling likethat
> he is missing something by not going to school I don't want to do
> either.given
>
> I've thought to myself --well I'm the mother and we haven't even
> it a full year -- blah, blahhome
>
> Yet... I'm also worried I'll send him then he will want to come
> yet again and that will bring big attention to me from the school,and
> dad etc.....
>
> any thoughts mine are becoming jumbled....
>
carnationsgalore
> I have tired asking this -- at first I get the I don't know! thenHe really may not have a specific answer. School is a big part of our
> I start asking questions or talking to much!! any suggestions on
> how to "get" him to open up on the why?
society. Not only does he see it in his own community, but he sees it
on tv and in games. Also, if he talks with kids in school, they see it
as a big part of their lives and will likely act freaked out if they
meet someone who doesn't do the same things that is expected of them.
My children have all gotten negative comments from their friends.
Just recently, my dd16 who chose to not return to high school this week
was blasted by a very dear friend of hers. It had her in tears. He
told her she was going to be stupid and never amount to anything, she'd
never make it to college and certainly wouldn't have a good job outside
of flipping burgers. I had to help her realize that he was voicing his
own fears about himself because he needs to believe all that stuff or
face the possibility that what he's been doing for years and plans to
continue doing is really not necessary. We've encountered that type of
attitude from kids of all ages, not just teens.
> Often He will say things like : that's how we did at my school..Maybe it isn't pride, but just experience. How many years has he been
> my school, this or that... It's like he had a pride about it.
> I've tried to explain that we could do various 'schooly' things
> if he wanted??
on this earth? Everything he's personally done is his own experience.
Be careful not to look at him through your experiences because he is
not you.
When my youngest would say things like that, I would try to direct her
to see the positives of being home without putting down school. You
could say something like 'Oh, you did that in school? Cool! We can do
that at home anytime you want too.'
Beth M.
Heather Barahona
Hi there! This post is long and kinda goes off on tangents, but it�s good.
I�m excited and refreshed and thought I would share my enthusiasm. J I�m new
to this list and unschooling, though not necessarily homeschooling. My
daughters, 6 & 8 years old, were both diagnosed with ASD as toddlers as
well. I spent the first several years doing much of the �therapy� in our
home by myself. My children have always benefitted from child-directed
learning. In fact, they resisted anything else. I am currently finishing a
master�s degree in behavior analysis (which I also have an undergrad degree
in). I would set up simple contingencies for my children (something like,
�say nana� and if they did they could have the banana) and their behavior
patterns looked like behavior under aversive control (coercion), which is
not at all what I meant to do. I just wanted to help my kids learn to talk.
I learned quickly to set up our environment in a way that promoted learning
and to gently lead my children to activities that might interest them (�Hey
girls, I found this neat butterfly art kit at the store! Wanna play with
me?�). If they *were* interested, I used that opportunity to help them
expand their language and knowledge. So, the unschooling philosophy
resonates with me because it appears to involve placing things in your
child�s environment that will promote learning and helping them expand their
repertoire based on their interests and assent, and also rapport building
(or, always putting the relationship first). Those are two of my favorite
parts of behavior analytic technologies.
However, the school years have been very hard on all of us so far. I was
constantly having to advocate for my children (which parents always do, but
jeez� it gets tiresome to always be at odds with the school district), and
my older one especially was suffering physically and mentally from her
experience. She had stomach problems, behavior issues, she was sick ALL the
time� It was totally different from when they were home with me until
kindergarten and during the summers. She did not like school. She found it
incredibly aversive. To have come so far, despite all of the challenges
she�s faced, made me so proud of her. It hurt my heart to see all her
sparkle and love for life disappear. Last year was my younger daughter�s
first year of school. She felt compelled to keep up with her classmates. If
she couldn�t read as well as one of her classmates, for example, she would
steal his reading assignment and try to decode it under the table during
�free� time. She was also suffering mentally from the pressures and
expectations. So, school is not okay for us. I want my children to be able
to choose whatever they want, but when my older daughter says she wants to
go back to school, I know she is not choosing academic pressure and stomach
aches and coercion. In her case, I know she just misses her friends. I take
that as a cue that she doesn�t feel like she�s had enough socialization
lately and make a lot of effort to connect with old friends or make new
ones. (Interestingly, my younger daughter does not have the intense need for
socialization that my older one does and, despite having a natural affinity
for all things academic, has NO desire to go back to school this fall.) So,
perhaps your son is just experiencing something similar. I thought everyone
gave really great advice, and I�m sure you have a bunch of ideas now. I just
wanted to let you know you�re not alone. J
Now I will go off on a tangent� I�ve read a lot of well controlled,
convincing research over the last 8 years or so, and I feel like sharing (I
hope that�s ok). The unschooling philosophy appears to be extremely
consistent with what I�ve learned at university about behavior. People that
operate under aversive control (threats), to escape or avoid negative
consequences (�Johnny, if you don�t stop right now, you�re going to time
out�), often engage in behavior that is hostile or aggressive; have strong
emotional responses; and seek to counter-control (either overtly by saying
�you can�t make me!�, or covertly through sabotage or under-achievement).
People that operate under punishment contingencies (instead of threatening
to put Johnny in time out, mom spanks him) seek to AVOID the punisher.
That�s so powerful to me. Do I really want my children to associate me with
power struggles? Do I want them to associate me with punishment, so that *I*
become a punisher and they seek to avoid me? I�ve learned that antecedent
strategies (putting something in the environment that will promote behavior)
is much more desirable than placing consequences (good or bad) on behavior.
By loving children unconditionally and allowing the environment to produce
the consequences instead of socially mediating, parents can associate
themselves with joy. J The environment then, according to the child�s
interests and talents, will select behaviors that function for the child. If
a child is not inherently �sporty�, the environment will probably not select
�sporty� behaviors, even if the child is exposed to sports. By that, I mean,
the environment (sports) will not provide consequences that are valuable to
the child. By *making* the child be involved in sports against their will
to teach them �teamwork� or whatever else feels justified, people create an
aversive environment that the child will work to avoid. By allowing the
environment to provide the consequences, children do not rely on socially
mediated (arbitrary) consequences. You can be sure, then, that everything
they pursue is intrinsically valuable to them. They will be much happier and
their families will be much happier as a result. Everyone still operates
under *some* aversive control (like speeding tickets. Basically every law we
have is enforced by aversive control). There is no way to avoid it
completely. But, I can avoid being the source of aversive control for my
children and create an environment that promotes mutual respect (instead of
fear) and trust. *I* choose that!
Thanks for reading. J
Heather
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.6.0/1601 - Release Date: 8/8/2008
9:02 AM
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I�m excited and refreshed and thought I would share my enthusiasm. J I�m new
to this list and unschooling, though not necessarily homeschooling. My
daughters, 6 & 8 years old, were both diagnosed with ASD as toddlers as
well. I spent the first several years doing much of the �therapy� in our
home by myself. My children have always benefitted from child-directed
learning. In fact, they resisted anything else. I am currently finishing a
master�s degree in behavior analysis (which I also have an undergrad degree
in). I would set up simple contingencies for my children (something like,
�say nana� and if they did they could have the banana) and their behavior
patterns looked like behavior under aversive control (coercion), which is
not at all what I meant to do. I just wanted to help my kids learn to talk.
I learned quickly to set up our environment in a way that promoted learning
and to gently lead my children to activities that might interest them (�Hey
girls, I found this neat butterfly art kit at the store! Wanna play with
me?�). If they *were* interested, I used that opportunity to help them
expand their language and knowledge. So, the unschooling philosophy
resonates with me because it appears to involve placing things in your
child�s environment that will promote learning and helping them expand their
repertoire based on their interests and assent, and also rapport building
(or, always putting the relationship first). Those are two of my favorite
parts of behavior analytic technologies.
However, the school years have been very hard on all of us so far. I was
constantly having to advocate for my children (which parents always do, but
jeez� it gets tiresome to always be at odds with the school district), and
my older one especially was suffering physically and mentally from her
experience. She had stomach problems, behavior issues, she was sick ALL the
time� It was totally different from when they were home with me until
kindergarten and during the summers. She did not like school. She found it
incredibly aversive. To have come so far, despite all of the challenges
she�s faced, made me so proud of her. It hurt my heart to see all her
sparkle and love for life disappear. Last year was my younger daughter�s
first year of school. She felt compelled to keep up with her classmates. If
she couldn�t read as well as one of her classmates, for example, she would
steal his reading assignment and try to decode it under the table during
�free� time. She was also suffering mentally from the pressures and
expectations. So, school is not okay for us. I want my children to be able
to choose whatever they want, but when my older daughter says she wants to
go back to school, I know she is not choosing academic pressure and stomach
aches and coercion. In her case, I know she just misses her friends. I take
that as a cue that she doesn�t feel like she�s had enough socialization
lately and make a lot of effort to connect with old friends or make new
ones. (Interestingly, my younger daughter does not have the intense need for
socialization that my older one does and, despite having a natural affinity
for all things academic, has NO desire to go back to school this fall.) So,
perhaps your son is just experiencing something similar. I thought everyone
gave really great advice, and I�m sure you have a bunch of ideas now. I just
wanted to let you know you�re not alone. J
Now I will go off on a tangent� I�ve read a lot of well controlled,
convincing research over the last 8 years or so, and I feel like sharing (I
hope that�s ok). The unschooling philosophy appears to be extremely
consistent with what I�ve learned at university about behavior. People that
operate under aversive control (threats), to escape or avoid negative
consequences (�Johnny, if you don�t stop right now, you�re going to time
out�), often engage in behavior that is hostile or aggressive; have strong
emotional responses; and seek to counter-control (either overtly by saying
�you can�t make me!�, or covertly through sabotage or under-achievement).
People that operate under punishment contingencies (instead of threatening
to put Johnny in time out, mom spanks him) seek to AVOID the punisher.
That�s so powerful to me. Do I really want my children to associate me with
power struggles? Do I want them to associate me with punishment, so that *I*
become a punisher and they seek to avoid me? I�ve learned that antecedent
strategies (putting something in the environment that will promote behavior)
is much more desirable than placing consequences (good or bad) on behavior.
By loving children unconditionally and allowing the environment to produce
the consequences instead of socially mediating, parents can associate
themselves with joy. J The environment then, according to the child�s
interests and talents, will select behaviors that function for the child. If
a child is not inherently �sporty�, the environment will probably not select
�sporty� behaviors, even if the child is exposed to sports. By that, I mean,
the environment (sports) will not provide consequences that are valuable to
the child. By *making* the child be involved in sports against their will
to teach them �teamwork� or whatever else feels justified, people create an
aversive environment that the child will work to avoid. By allowing the
environment to provide the consequences, children do not rely on socially
mediated (arbitrary) consequences. You can be sure, then, that everything
they pursue is intrinsically valuable to them. They will be much happier and
their families will be much happier as a result. Everyone still operates
under *some* aversive control (like speeding tickets. Basically every law we
have is enforced by aversive control). There is no way to avoid it
completely. But, I can avoid being the source of aversive control for my
children and create an environment that promotes mutual respect (instead of
fear) and trust. *I* choose that!
Thanks for reading. J
Heather
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.6.0/1601 - Release Date: 8/8/2008
9:02 AM
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 10, 2008, at 1:03 PM, Heather Barahona wrote:
things in your child�s environment that might interest them." *Trust*
that what interests them they will learn from. But the learning won't
look like school learning. It won't coincide with what we expect them
to learn in schools, or what we think is important to learn. It will
look like play and fun and enjoyment.
At first unschooling looks like a way to trick kids into learning by
placing fun things around them they could learn from. But it will
help people grasp unschooling faster to keep their own agenda to fun
and feeding the kids' interests and giving them opportunities to
expand their interests. Treat a book about George Washington the same
way you would a new cartoon. Is it something they might enjoy? If
they say "No, thanks" will you have some emotional attachment to
their answer?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> So, the unschooling philosophyAlmost. I think it's more helpful to think in terms of "placing
> resonates with me because it appears to involve placing things in your
> child�s environment that will promote learning
things in your child�s environment that might interest them." *Trust*
that what interests them they will learn from. But the learning won't
look like school learning. It won't coincide with what we expect them
to learn in schools, or what we think is important to learn. It will
look like play and fun and enjoyment.
At first unschooling looks like a way to trick kids into learning by
placing fun things around them they could learn from. But it will
help people grasp unschooling faster to keep their own agenda to fun
and feeding the kids' interests and giving them opportunities to
expand their interests. Treat a book about George Washington the same
way you would a new cartoon. Is it something they might enjoy? If
they say "No, thanks" will you have some emotional attachment to
their answer?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tammy Curry
Courtney,
A suggestion that was made to me for socialization. Start your own local homeschool support group. My husband and I have discussed this and once we are in our new home we will start one. For us we will probably use the local library since ours also has a play ground.
Tammy C.
----- Original Message ----
From: mommasgoodiesandgifts <cty70667@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, August 10, 2008 9:19:26 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: my mental dilemma
I am new here to this group and to unschooling (we have been doign just
the schooly type since May and just switched to unschooling) , but I
wanted to add a suggestion in here. I had been concerned about my
daughter b/c she missed her friends from school.. I dont know any of
the parents to set up playdates or visits.. my dd is 8 yo by the way..
we got her signed up for dance class again - where she will see some of
her old classmates.. and I also decided to start letting her go to the
skating rink on Fridays (all the local kids go there on Friday night -
it's a very small town so its safe and we know the owners of the
rink).. that is another opportunity to socialize and to see the friends
she missed.. perhaps you have similar things going on in the
community.. or even going to the area parks after ps lets out to let
her play with her peers.. I think it will make a world of difference.
Courtney from Louisiana
http://iveseenthevi llage.blogspot. com
http://mommasgoodie s.blogspot. com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
A suggestion that was made to me for socialization. Start your own local homeschool support group. My husband and I have discussed this and once we are in our new home we will start one. For us we will probably use the local library since ours also has a play ground.
Tammy C.
----- Original Message ----
From: mommasgoodiesandgifts <cty70667@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, August 10, 2008 9:19:26 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: my mental dilemma
I am new here to this group and to unschooling (we have been doign just
the schooly type since May and just switched to unschooling) , but I
wanted to add a suggestion in here. I had been concerned about my
daughter b/c she missed her friends from school.. I dont know any of
the parents to set up playdates or visits.. my dd is 8 yo by the way..
we got her signed up for dance class again - where she will see some of
her old classmates.. and I also decided to start letting her go to the
skating rink on Fridays (all the local kids go there on Friday night -
it's a very small town so its safe and we know the owners of the
rink).. that is another opportunity to socialize and to see the friends
she missed.. perhaps you have similar things going on in the
community.. or even going to the area parks after ps lets out to let
her play with her peers.. I think it will make a world of difference.
Courtney from Louisiana
http://iveseenthevi llage.blogspot. com
http://mommasgoodie s.blogspot. com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
Heather, that reply was just the kind I needed thank you!! I am starting to trust myself again and like you unschooling does make more sense. It seems anymore I look at schools as boxes....
--- On Sun, 8/10/08, Heather Barahona <hlbarahona@...> wrote:
> From: Heather Barahona <hlbarahona@...>
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] my mental dilemma and some other thoughts...
> To: [email protected]
> Date: Sunday, August 10, 2008, 1:03 PM
> Hi there! This post is long and kinda goes off on tangents,
> but it’s good.
> I’m excited and refreshed and thought I would share my
> enthusiasm. J I’m new
> to this list and unschooling, though not necessarily
> homeschooling. My
> daughters, 6 & 8 years old, were both diagnosed with
> ASD as toddlers as
> well. I spent the first several years doing much of the
> “therapy” in our
> home by myself. My children have always benefitted from
> child-directed
> learning. In fact, they resisted anything else. I am
> currently finishing a
> master’s degree in behavior analysis (which I also have
> an undergrad degree
> in). I would set up simple contingencies for my children
> (something like,
> “say nana” and if they did they could have the banana)
> and their behavior
> patterns looked like behavior under aversive control
> (coercion), which is
> not at all what I meant to do. I just wanted to help my
> kids learn to talk.
> I learned quickly to set up our environment in a way that
> promoted learning
> and to gently lead my children to activities that might
> interest them (“Hey
> girls, I found this neat butterfly art kit at the store!
> Wanna play with
> me?”). If they *were* interested, I used that opportunity
> to help them
> expand their language and knowledge. So, the unschooling
> philosophy
> resonates with me because it appears to involve placing
> things in your
> child’s environment that will promote learning and
> helping them expand their
> repertoire based on their interests and assent, and also
> rapport building
> (or, always putting the relationship first). Those are two
> of my favorite
> parts of behavior analytic technologies.
>
>
>
> However, the school years have been very hard on all of us
> so far. I was
> constantly having to advocate for my children (which
> parents always do, but
> jeez… it gets tiresome to always be at odds with the
> school district), and
> my older one especially was suffering physically and
> mentally from her
> experience. She had stomach problems, behavior issues, she
> was sick ALL the
> time… It was totally different from when they were home
> with me until
> kindergarten and during the summers. She did not like
> school. She found it
> incredibly aversive. To have come so far, despite all of
> the challenges
> she’s faced, made me so proud of her. It hurt my heart to
> see all her
> sparkle and love for life disappear. Last year was my
> younger daughter’s
> first year of school. She felt compelled to keep up with
> her classmates. If
> she couldn’t read as well as one of her classmates, for
> example, she would
> steal his reading assignment and try to decode it under
> the table during
> “free” time. She was also suffering mentally from the
> pressures and
> expectations. So, school is not okay for us. I want my
> children to be able
> to choose whatever they want, but when my older daughter
> says she wants to
> go back to school, I know she is not choosing academic
> pressure and stomach
> aches and coercion. In her case, I know she just misses her
> friends. I take
> that as a cue that she doesn’t feel like she’s had
> enough socialization
> lately and make a lot of effort to connect with old friends
> or make new
> ones. (Interestingly, my younger daughter does not have the
> intense need for
> socialization that my older one does and, despite having a
> natural affinity
> for all things academic, has NO desire to go back to school
> this fall.) So,
> perhaps your son is just experiencing something similar. I
> thought everyone
> gave really great advice, and I’m sure you have a bunch
> of ideas now. I just
> wanted to let you know you’re not alone. J
>
>
>
> Now I will go off on a tangent… I’ve read a lot of well
> controlled,
> convincing research over the last 8 years or so, and I feel
> like sharing (I
> hope that’s ok). The unschooling philosophy appears to be
> extremely
> consistent with what I’ve learned at university about
> behavior. People that
> operate under aversive control (threats), to escape or
> avoid negative
> consequences (“Johnny, if you don’t stop right now,
> you’re going to time
> out”), often engage in behavior that is hostile or
> aggressive; have strong
> emotional responses; and seek to counter-control (either
> overtly by saying
> “you can’t make me!”, or covertly through sabotage or
> under-achievement).
> People that operate under punishment contingencies (instead
> of threatening
> to put Johnny in time out, mom spanks him) seek to AVOID
> the punisher.
> That’s so powerful to me. Do I really want my children to
> associate me with
> power struggles? Do I want them to associate me with
> punishment, so that *I*
> become a punisher and they seek to avoid me? I’ve learned
> that antecedent
> strategies (putting something in the environment that will
> promote behavior)
> is much more desirable than placing consequences (good or
> bad) on behavior.
> By loving children unconditionally and allowing the
> environment to produce
> the consequences instead of socially mediating, parents can
> associate
> themselves with joy. J The environment then, according to
> the child’s
> interests and talents, will select behaviors that function
> for the child. If
> a child is not inherently “sporty”, the environment
> will probably not select
> “sporty” behaviors, even if the child is exposed to
> sports. By that, I mean,
> the environment (sports) will not provide consequences that
> are valuable to
> the child. By *making* the child be involved in sports
> against their will
> to teach them “teamwork” or whatever else feels
> justified, people create an
> aversive environment that the child will work to avoid. By
> allowing the
> environment to provide the consequences, children do not
> rely on socially
> mediated (arbitrary) consequences. You can be sure, then,
> that everything
> they pursue is intrinsically valuable to them. They will be
> much happier and
> their families will be much happier as a result. Everyone
> still operates
> under *some* aversive control (like speeding tickets.
> Basically every law we
> have is enforced by aversive control). There is no way to
> avoid it
> completely. But, I can avoid being the source of aversive
> control for my
> children and create an environment that promotes mutual
> respect (instead of
> fear) and trust. *I* choose that!
>
>
>
> Thanks for reading. J
>
> Heather
>
>
> No virus found in this outgoing message.
> Checked by AVG.
> Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.6.0/1601 - Release
> Date: 8/8/2008
> 9:02 AM
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> ------------------------------------
>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
>
>
>
Heather Barahona
At first unschooling looks like a way to trick kids into learning by
placing fun things around them they could learn from. But it will
help people grasp unschooling faster to keep their own agenda to fun
and feeding the kids' interests and giving them opportunities to
expand their interests. Treat a book about George Washington the same
way you would a new cartoon. Is it something they might enjoy? If
they say "No, thanks" will you have some emotional attachment to
their answer?
Precisely. :) I put things in their environment that they can learn from if
they want to and if they are interested in it. I have just seen homes where
there aren't many toys, videos, games & books (especially families that have
kids with special needs. I have worked with children with special needs and
their families for a few years now and they often get discouraged by their
child's lack of engagement/interest with stuff and stop buying it). It makes
me really sad. That's not relying on the child's interest, that's just
neglect, I think. I wanted to make the distinction that you never know what
is going to spark your child's interest and to enrich it as much as
possible. You couldn't expect them to want to learn to read (about George
Washington even) if they never came into contact with a book. I feel like
it's my job to make the world available to my children, so they can decide
when and what they want to pursue further. I would never respond emotionally
if they didn't like a toy or book I bought them. But, maybe because of our
history together, that rarely (if ever) happens. Not only am I pretty
familiar with their interests, I try to make everything as fun and relevant
as possible for my kids. (And a lot of times, I think kids are looking for a
way to interact with their parents. That interaction is what they enjoy, not
necessarily the book or game or whatever.)
For example, on your website I read a discussion about grocery shopping (I
LOVE your website! It's a wealth of useful information). For our family,
when my girls were little, shopping was done first thing when we woke up in
the morning and the first stop we made was at the powdered donuts. They
munched happily as I raced through the store. As a single parent, sometimes
I have to get a little creative about maintaining our home. But, I let
natural consequences take effect. When my girls wake up and want chocolate
milk and waffles, they become concerned when we don't have any. It is highly
relevant to them and really important that we have their favorite foods! So,
they say, "Mom, we need to go to the grocery store." Yes, we do. :) When my
girls got older, we made grocery lists together using pictures of their
favorite foods. Then they helped me find the food at the store, put it in
the basket, and check it off the list (only if they wanted to, but they
enjoyed it, so they usually did). Now, they can read and write, so we just
write the list. I don't make them do it, though. If they don't want to
write, I write it for them. But, they connect our lifestyle to the things
that make our lifestyle possible (like grocery shopping), and those things
have become important to them.
That was long winded, but I wanted to relate that just because something
isn't inherently enjoyable doesn't mean you can't make it enjoyable (with
enthusiasm and some sugar:). And if you can show a child the relevance of
things that aren't inherently enjoyable, they might still become important
(even to the little ones, though they will obviously have less tolerance for
such endeavors). I feel like *I* understand what you're saying about choice
and I really, really appreciate it. But, I can understand why people think
that unschoolers take a "hands-off" approach to parenting. They see, for
example, watching tv as a passive activity. They don't see the active effort
you put into it as a parent. Yesterday, while watching tv, we looked up the
patella, what vitamins were in blueberries that made them good for you, and
martial arts (where we subsequently researched capoeira, kung fu, and tai
chi). This happened because my kids asked me questions that I didn't know
the answer to. (At one point during a show, my older daughter shouted, "This
thing in my leg moves! What is it?" It was very cute. She realized for the
first time that her knee wiggles. From there we learned that tendons connect
muscle to bone, and she giggled as I tickled her thigh right about where her
knee attaches to it.) They know that we can research things, so they ask to.
And next time we have blueberries for snack, or see Skunk Fu, or whatever
else relates, we will talk about the stuff we learned yesterday. That's not
passive learning at all. I would say we did a lot! (Not that passive
learning doesn't happen, it definitely does! I just think you are a much
more involved parent than some might think because you say your kid can
watch tv all day long if she wants. They neglect to read the part about you
being there acting as her guide.)
Thanks for letting me wax philosophical and stuff. :)
Heather
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.6.0/1604 - Release Date: 8/11/2008
5:50 AM
placing fun things around them they could learn from. But it will
help people grasp unschooling faster to keep their own agenda to fun
and feeding the kids' interests and giving them opportunities to
expand their interests. Treat a book about George Washington the same
way you would a new cartoon. Is it something they might enjoy? If
they say "No, thanks" will you have some emotional attachment to
their answer?
Precisely. :) I put things in their environment that they can learn from if
they want to and if they are interested in it. I have just seen homes where
there aren't many toys, videos, games & books (especially families that have
kids with special needs. I have worked with children with special needs and
their families for a few years now and they often get discouraged by their
child's lack of engagement/interest with stuff and stop buying it). It makes
me really sad. That's not relying on the child's interest, that's just
neglect, I think. I wanted to make the distinction that you never know what
is going to spark your child's interest and to enrich it as much as
possible. You couldn't expect them to want to learn to read (about George
Washington even) if they never came into contact with a book. I feel like
it's my job to make the world available to my children, so they can decide
when and what they want to pursue further. I would never respond emotionally
if they didn't like a toy or book I bought them. But, maybe because of our
history together, that rarely (if ever) happens. Not only am I pretty
familiar with their interests, I try to make everything as fun and relevant
as possible for my kids. (And a lot of times, I think kids are looking for a
way to interact with their parents. That interaction is what they enjoy, not
necessarily the book or game or whatever.)
For example, on your website I read a discussion about grocery shopping (I
LOVE your website! It's a wealth of useful information). For our family,
when my girls were little, shopping was done first thing when we woke up in
the morning and the first stop we made was at the powdered donuts. They
munched happily as I raced through the store. As a single parent, sometimes
I have to get a little creative about maintaining our home. But, I let
natural consequences take effect. When my girls wake up and want chocolate
milk and waffles, they become concerned when we don't have any. It is highly
relevant to them and really important that we have their favorite foods! So,
they say, "Mom, we need to go to the grocery store." Yes, we do. :) When my
girls got older, we made grocery lists together using pictures of their
favorite foods. Then they helped me find the food at the store, put it in
the basket, and check it off the list (only if they wanted to, but they
enjoyed it, so they usually did). Now, they can read and write, so we just
write the list. I don't make them do it, though. If they don't want to
write, I write it for them. But, they connect our lifestyle to the things
that make our lifestyle possible (like grocery shopping), and those things
have become important to them.
That was long winded, but I wanted to relate that just because something
isn't inherently enjoyable doesn't mean you can't make it enjoyable (with
enthusiasm and some sugar:). And if you can show a child the relevance of
things that aren't inherently enjoyable, they might still become important
(even to the little ones, though they will obviously have less tolerance for
such endeavors). I feel like *I* understand what you're saying about choice
and I really, really appreciate it. But, I can understand why people think
that unschoolers take a "hands-off" approach to parenting. They see, for
example, watching tv as a passive activity. They don't see the active effort
you put into it as a parent. Yesterday, while watching tv, we looked up the
patella, what vitamins were in blueberries that made them good for you, and
martial arts (where we subsequently researched capoeira, kung fu, and tai
chi). This happened because my kids asked me questions that I didn't know
the answer to. (At one point during a show, my older daughter shouted, "This
thing in my leg moves! What is it?" It was very cute. She realized for the
first time that her knee wiggles. From there we learned that tendons connect
muscle to bone, and she giggled as I tickled her thigh right about where her
knee attaches to it.) They know that we can research things, so they ask to.
And next time we have blueberries for snack, or see Skunk Fu, or whatever
else relates, we will talk about the stuff we learned yesterday. That's not
passive learning at all. I would say we did a lot! (Not that passive
learning doesn't happen, it definitely does! I just think you are a much
more involved parent than some might think because you say your kid can
watch tv all day long if she wants. They neglect to read the part about you
being there acting as her guide.)
Thanks for letting me wax philosophical and stuff. :)
Heather
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 7.5.524 / Virus Database: 270.6.0/1604 - Release Date: 8/11/2008
5:50 AM
Amanda Pillow
Hi! I also had the experience of placing my two older children in public school and they suffered more than they excelled. The youngest of the two (who was normally a very energetic, exciting child) absolutely lost hisexcitement and enthusiasm for life in general. He constantly used the words 'dumb' and 'stupid' to describe himself and was in tears at home trying to do his three hours of 'homework' IN KINDERGARTEN!!!!!!!!!!!! The oldest of the two (who was previously homeschooled for K and First grade) was told after three weeks of second grade that he would have to return to first grade. When asked why, we were told that theteacher was unable to teach him because he needed toooooo much 'hands on' and he asked tooooo many questions.
(Although when given the right 'learning environment' he was considered well beyond his 'age level'). Since bringing them back home, I have seen the enthusiasm for learning reappear over time,and the only thing the seem to miss about school is the 'equipment' that comes with goingto school. And this has rubbed off on the younger two children, who have never attendedpublic school. How I have helped their longings for riding a bus is we go occassionally on the city bus, back packs filled with 'school' stuff, ie notebooks, pencils, crayons, coloringbooks, etc., their lunch boxes full of goodies, and we ride around for a while and getdropped off at parks, the beach, etc. It's a great fun day, it satisfies their need forbuses, backpacks, and lunch boxes, and we all come home tired, but happy. ~Amanda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
(Although when given the right 'learning environment' he was considered well beyond his 'age level'). Since bringing them back home, I have seen the enthusiasm for learning reappear over time,and the only thing the seem to miss about school is the 'equipment' that comes with goingto school. And this has rubbed off on the younger two children, who have never attendedpublic school. How I have helped their longings for riding a bus is we go occassionally on the city bus, back packs filled with 'school' stuff, ie notebooks, pencils, crayons, coloringbooks, etc., their lunch boxes full of goodies, and we ride around for a while and getdropped off at parks, the beach, etc. It's a great fun day, it satisfies their need forbuses, backpacks, and lunch boxes, and we all come home tired, but happy. ~Amanda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
kristen, Your response definitely made sense. thank you and glad to say that through this conversation were staying home!
--- On Sun, 8/10/08, kristinmoke <kmoke@...> wrote:
From: kristinmoke <kmoke@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: my mental dilemma
To: [email protected]
Date: Sunday, August 10, 2008, 11:34 AM
My son (now 5) went through periods of this for a while even after
just one semester of preschool at age 3. I used to have a lot of fear
about him wanting to go to school before I had a chance to get us to
the free and happy unschooling life I had embraced in theory but not
yet fully in practice. Initially, joining a homeschool co-op helped
some as he had/has a place he can call his "school" with a "teacher"
(he does a Spanish class) and a playground. But I would feel
threatened when he talked about wanting to go back to preschool or
eventually to a school for bigger kids- I could feel it in the pit of
my stomach and knew my visceral reaction meant my thinking around
this was not clear and positive and he fully picked up on that
energy. But for a long time I had a really hard time figuring out how
to shift it.
I've actually just recognized recently what a big shift has happened
for us in this and it was reflected in a conversation we just had as
he's reacting to all the talk of friends going back to school soon.
It went something like:
J: "Mom, I'm not going to go to the school yet where I ride the
school bus, right?"
Me: "Yeah, you want to go back to your school in Munster" (our weekly
homeschool co-op)
J: "yeah"
Me: "I was thinking you don't ever have to go to that school where
you ride the school bus because you'd have to go every day, all day
long. But you don't have to go to that school to ride a school bus.
Hey, how about we ride a school bus to go to the fair today?
(Beautiful serendipity- we had plans to go to the county fair and I
knew they were running school buses as shuttles from the remote
parking)
J: "But I want to ride one that picks us up at our house"
Me: "Well, they do that for kids that go to school every day- it
picks up everyone at their house and takes them to their school."
J: "Oh."
Me: "So should we check out the school bus that will take us to the
fair?"
J: "Yeah!" (with big excited smile)
He loved it btw and I loved him loving it. I don't know if that
dialogue depicts the ease and lightness I felt in this conversation
with him, but that was the big difference. I feel much more confident
about the life we're creating and the fear of him wanting school has
dissipated over this year or so as we moved toward unschooling. We
had come from a pretty controlling place so I think trust-building
has been a big part of it and of course actually living what I *Know*
to be a free and happy life is the other part.
I don't know how we might have come to this place faster since it's
such a path and a process. But I know your question really helped me
to analyze where I was (and wasn't) in a way I couldn't at the time,
so maybe that will help you in some way.
Kristin
--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, "Rebecca De Hate"
<rebeccadehate@ ...> wrote:
>
> OK that subject line doesn't sound quite right but I think you'll
> understand my "mental" dilemma. Here it is: last year I had my
> child go to kindergarten, but by mid-January we (my son and I)
decided
> to stay home.... FREEDOM
>
> Yet, my son has been wanting to go back.. I think it maybe
the 'words'
> he has heard from his not for homeschooling/ unschooling grandma and
> his dad (who he see often -every other weekend for sure -- even
though
> he was ok with me homeschooling since I have a teaching degree:)
>
> So that's my mental dilemma -- send him to school or not!! I flop
> back in forth . I really want to keep him home I found a great
> diverse hs group that I just love and he's clicked with the kids
and I
> would like to see him grow in this group. But if he is feeling like
> he is missing something by not going to school I don't want to do
that
> either.
>
> I've thought to myself --well I'm the mother and we haven't even
given
> it a full year -- blah, blah
>
> Yet... I'm also worried I'll send him then he will want to come
home
> yet again and that will bring big attention to me from the school,
and
> dad etc.....
>
> any thoughts mine are becoming jumbled....
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]