Karen Buxcel

My 6yo (7 in 4 days) seems to have a very firm grasp on all things sexual
and it does make me uncomfortable, for some reason. I'm thinking alot about
why that is, but in the meantime, I do have my share of the "heiny
clenching" moments that Diana spoke of!

Our boys are so different, with our oldest (9) being more like me, reserved,
laid back, not seeking too much of the 'spot light'. Stone (the one
mentioned above) is completely OPPOSITE! and more like his dad. Loves the
attention, is happy to entertain the whole lot, and will do/say anything to
get a reaction. This scares the sh** out of me, frankly. I've seen him put
a whole handful of sand into his mouth just to get that 'did you see what
that kid just did' thing. I'm terrified that this will spill over into his
teen years and...oh, can't even go there right now. Manifesting, I know.
Stoppit, Karen!

We've also got a 3yo (all boys here) so sometimes I get nervous that the 6yo
is bringing too much into his life that he might not be ready for at 3.
(For instance, teaching him the word 'boner'. uggh.) And if I try to
simply give him the information that, "well, honey, a boner is when your
penis is hard", he'll just love knowing that because then he'll use it for
the exact meaning, instead of just some word he's heard somewhere.
Seriously, he enjoys sharing things like this with the other children we
hang around with, and although my friends are all wonderful, I feel nervous
that he'd say to one of their daughters, "i got a boner!" and then I worry
that they think that my kid is a sexual deviant and, blah, blah, blah.
He's consistently the one out of the group that the other kids are always
tattling on, and I see the pack mentality set in whenever anything happens
where Stone's concerned. It's always "them" against "him", and it breaks my
heart.

So, I do recognize that my FEAR is getting in the way, it's becoming more
and more clear as I put these words down here. On the other hand, I don't
want everyone to dislike Stone, I want to protect him and I want people to
see the amazing person he is, when he's not so concerned about getting the
reaction.

How, oh how, do I be his loving mama, his supporter, his partner, his
information provider, and protect him at the same time. I just don't think
he gets it, or maybe doesn't care, about the consequences of some of his
choices. I feel like I am completely dropping the ball with him, and I had
a good cry about it yesterday morning. I'm missing something, I feel it, I
just don't know what or where to start. Well, actually, I'm going to start
by reading something about being the middle child. I think that Stone feels
invisible sometimes, being in the middle, so then will do whatever it takes
to get the attention he needs. Hmm, guess I'm answering all of my own
questions here, huh?

Any similar experience or loving insight would be gratefully received,

Karen






--
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know
peace."
Jimi Hendrix


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Wow! I so relate to this!
My dd hears something and knows exactly when and how to use it even if she
doesn't understand the meaning.......
I too have the worries about playgroups - especially ones w/ schooled
children - where dd gets upset and says so and so is a F***K! Or I hate so and so!
It's hard to explain that stuff away - mostly to the parents as the kids
tend to let things go more easily and not know or hold onto the meaning.
She is so loving and a truly wonderful human being, and like you I don't
want her to be shunned or judged for those things.

The boner thing cracked me up!!!!!
I could definitely see that happening to us!

I am trying to be comfortable with these things and comfortable in my own
skin - it is a process.

-a



In a message dated 8/9/2008 10:41:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
thewildtribe@... writes:




My 6yo (7 in 4 days) seems to have a very firm grasp on all things sexual
and it does make me uncomfortable, for some reason. I'm thinking alot about
why that is, but in the meantime, I do have my share of the "heiny
clenching" moments that Diana spoke of!

Our boys are so different, with our oldest (9) being more like me, reserved,
laid back, not seeking too much of the 'spot light'. Stone (the one
mentioned above) is completely OPPOSITE! and more like his dad. Loves the
attention, is happy to entertain the whole lot, and will do/say anything to
get a reaction. This scares the sh** out of me, frankly. I've seen him put
a whole handful of sand into his mouth just to get that 'did you see what
that kid just did' thing. I'm terrified that this will spill over into his
teen years and...oh, can't even go there right now. Manifesting, I know.
Stoppit, Karen!

We've also got a 3yo (all boys here) so sometimes I get nervous that the 6yo
is bringing too much into his life that he might not be ready for at 3.
(For instance, teaching him the word 'boner'. uggh.) And if I try to
simply give him the information that, "well, honey, a boner is when your
penis is hard", he'll just love knowing that because then he'll use it for
the exact meaning, instead of just some word he's heard somewhere.
Seriously, he enjoys sharing things like this with the other children we
hang around with, and although my friends are all wonderful, I feel nervous
that he'd say to one of their daughters, "i got a boner!" and then I worry
that they think that my kid is a sexual deviant and, blah, blah, blah.
He's consistently the one out of the group that the other kids are always
tattling on, and I see the pack mentality set in whenever anything happens
where Stone's concerned. It's always "them" against "him", and it breaks my
heart.

So, I do recognize that my FEAR is getting in the way, it's becoming more
and more clear as I put these words down here. On the other hand, I don't
want everyone to dislike Stone, I want to protect him and I want people to
see the amazing person he is, when he's not so concerned about getting the
reaction.

How, oh how, do I be his loving mama, his supporter, his partner, his
information provider, and protect him at the same time. I just don't think
he gets it, or maybe doesn't care, about the consequences of some of his
choices. I feel like I am completely dropping the ball with him, and I had
a good cry about it yesterday morning. I'm missing something, I feel it, I
just don't know what or where to start. Well, actually, I'm going to start
by reading something about being the middle child. I think that Stone feels
invisible sometimes, being in the middle, so then will do whatever it takes
to get the attention he needs. Hmm, guess I'm answering all of my own
questions here, huh?

Any similar experience or loving insight would be gratefully received,

Karen

--
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know
peace."
Jimi Hendrix

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]









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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Karen Buxcel <thewildtribe@...>

Our boys are so different, with our oldest (9) being more like me,
reserved,
laid back, not seeking too much of the 'spot light'. Stone (the one
mentioned above) is completely OPPOSITE! and more like his dad. Loves
the
attention, is happy to entertain the whole lot, and will do/say
anything to
get a reaction. This scares the sh** out of me, frankly. I've seen
him put
a whole handful of sand into his mouth just to get that 'did you see
what
that kid just did' thing. I'm terrified that this will spill over into
his
teen years and...oh, can't even go there right now. Manifesting, I
know.
Stoppit, Karen!

--=-=-

I've known kids like that---now and from when I was a child.

They just seem to want to shock, maybe.

Cameron was never like that, but Duncan has a *little* of that in
him---but not to the extent that I see on some kids.

It's *got* to be exciting to be around them. <g> Never a dull moment!
<G>

My friends who were like that as kids have all grown up to be *very*
active, interesting adults. <g> I'm sure their moms worried whether
they ever *would* grow up---but they did and all who I can think of are
just so very ....FUN. I think they had trouble with friends (and their
offended mothers) as tweens and young teens, but after they found their
"crowd," they just kind of settled into themselves. Maybe some
"outgrew" it a bit, but I think maybe they just needed to be accepted.

I've never talked to them about it. I *could*, I guess. <g>

-=-=-=-=-=-

How, oh how, do I be his loving mama, his supporter, his partner, his
information provider, and protect him at the same time. I just don't
think
he gets it, or maybe doesn't care, about the consequences of some of his
choices. I feel like I am completely dropping the ball with him, and I
had
a good cry about it yesterday morning. I'm missing something, I feel
it, I
just don't know what or where to start. Well, actually, I'm going to
start
by reading something about being the middle child. I think that Stone
feels
invisible sometimes, being in the middle, so then will do whatever it
takes
to get the attention he needs. Hmm, guess I'm answering all of my own
questions here, huh?

-=-=-=-=-=-

I have no advice. I'm sorry it's so hard on you. I think just making
sure they're as safe as possible and as accepted as we can. Pointing
out better options when they're upset--or upsetting others. And like
you said---being their partners.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: amyrougey@...

My dd hears something and knows exactly when and how to use it even if
she
doesn't understand the meaning.......

-=-=-=-

Amazing on how they pick up on stuff like that---a huge social/language
skill. Almost innate. Maybe it IS. <g>

-=-=-=-=-

I too have the worries about playgroups - especially ones w/ schooled
children -

-=-==-

I think, in the play groups with *schooled* children, it's the schooled
children with the mouths. I mean, the unschooled kids I know seem to
know when to turn it off. The schooled kids are trying to get away with
something. Different dynamics.

-=-=-=-=-

It's hard to explain that stuff away - mostly to the parents as the
kids
tend to let things go more easily and not know or hold onto the meaning.

-=-=-=-=-

Do others really try to explain that to other parents???

I mean, they're WORDS! Yes, they can offend. But children are
*learning* where and when to use all sorts of language. An apology may
be in order---or a quiet, "That's inappropriate, honey", but an
*explanation*???

-=-=-=-=-=-

She is so loving and a truly wonderful human being, and like you I
don't
want her to be shunned or judged for those things.

-=-=-=-=-

She may be, but that's a part of learning where and when to use
language. I don't want my child hurt, and I try hard to prepare him *in
advance* for such things; but if the reaction is unpleasant, he'll know
that it was socially unacceptable at that time. A learning-take.

-=-=-=-=

I am trying to be comfortable with these things and comfortable in my
own
skin - it is a process.

-=-=-=-

And generally, it doesn't last forever. <G> They grow. They learn. <G>
It's not a permanent state. <G>



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

Alison Broadbent

When Asher started coming home w/ swear words, I said I thought they
were fine to say in our house or w/ good friends who said them too
but in public, people can get offended. I think this is one of those
things where I can give him info about the world which he can choose
to use if he wants to.

In the case of 'boner', I might say that girls probably wouldn't feel
comfortable around somebody talking about their penis. I don't put a
judgement on it. I don't think you have to wait for any fallout that
might come before the two of you discuss the possible fallout. Not
that it's definitely going to happen but more of, this is the way the
outside world generally looks on these things. Sometimes Asher
chooses to take in that info and sometimes not.

Alison

Pamela Sorooshian

Set up lots of truly risky and somewhat outrageous opportunities for
him?

Get him involved in activities that involve real risk, but under
conditions where there is a progression to go through.

A good karate or kung fu program might be it. Or gymnastics/tumbling.

Maybe sign up for circus school if you have one near you?

I think some people have more need for attention and some really enjoy
the feeling of risk-taking. The combination is scary in a kid, but -
support his interests and his strengths. Start where he IS right now.
Don't try to change him, try to create an environment that works well
for him


-pam

On Aug 9, 2008, at 9:05 AM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> How, oh how, do I be his loving mama, his supporter, his partner, his
> information provider, and protect him at the same time. I just don't
> think
> he gets it, or maybe doesn't care, about the consequences of some of
> his
> choices.