Sensitivity
k
Sensitivity has nothing to do with being fragile. People have different
likes and dislikes, including how things are approached. Some people can't
stand being approached except bluntly or frankly. Others can't stand laying
every last thing out. There's a wide variety of responses that could be
labeled sensitive or insensitive.
Nobody need approve or disapprove of your family dynamics, Nance. It's fine
with me. This is just a list for discussion about unschooling as it works
for people who *are* having trouble with family dynamics. I'm not referring
specifically to your family.
~Katherine
likes and dislikes, including how things are approached. Some people can't
stand being approached except bluntly or frankly. Others can't stand laying
every last thing out. There's a wide variety of responses that could be
labeled sensitive or insensitive.
Nobody need approve or disapprove of your family dynamics, Nance. It's fine
with me. This is just a list for discussion about unschooling as it works
for people who *are* having trouble with family dynamics. I'm not referring
specifically to your family.
~Katherine
On 8/8/08, Nance Confer <marbleface@...> wrote:
>
> unschoolingbasicsBut I don't think it's ever useful for building
> relationships to
> label what someone else likes as stupid or dumb or boring or anything
> negative. There are gentler, kinder, more relationship building ways
> of sharing our likes and dislikes without using judgmental words.
> Even if the members of a family don't find the words hurtful, there
> will be other people outside the family who will be put off and feel
> put down. And that's a good thing for kids to know, even if their
> family is less sensitive.
>
> Joyce
>
> **Well, then we disagree. I think the way my family relates is terrific --
> including less-than-perfectly-gentle opinions sometimes -- and if the rest
> of the world wants to be offended by the way we discuss TV shows, well, they
> should get a hobby. :)
>
> **There are times when kinder and gentler are appropriate and times when it
> is OK to speak your mind. I'm not suggesting my kids go out in the world and
> pick fights about TV shows. But people have different tastes and that's OK.
> Everyone isn't all that fragile.
>
> Nance
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nance Confer
Exactly. Some people who are having trouble living happily as unschoolers might find your flavor of sensitivity helpful. Some might appreciate a heads up that not all of us operate the same way. And that it's OK to explore those differences.
Nance
************
Sensitivity has nothing to do with being fragile. People have different
likes and dislikes, including how things are approached. Some people can't
stand being approached except bluntly or frankly. Others can't stand laying
every last thing out. There's a wide variety of responses that could be
labeled sensitive or insensitive.
Nobody need approve or disapprove of your family dynamics, Nance. It's fine
with me. This is just a list for discussion about unschooling as it works
for people who *are* having trouble with family dynamics. I'm not referring
specifically to your family.
~Katherine
Nance
************
Sensitivity has nothing to do with being fragile. People have different
likes and dislikes, including how things are approached. Some people can't
stand being approached except bluntly or frankly. Others can't stand laying
every last thing out. There's a wide variety of responses that could be
labeled sensitive or insensitive.
Nobody need approve or disapprove of your family dynamics, Nance. It's fine
with me. This is just a list for discussion about unschooling as it works
for people who *are* having trouble with family dynamics. I'm not referring
specifically to your family.
~Katherine
On 8/8/08, Nance Confer <marbleface@...> wrote:
>
> unschoolingbasicsBut I don't think it's ever useful for building
> relationships to
> label what someone else likes as stupid or dumb or boring or anything
> negative. There are gentler, kinder, more relationship building ways
> of sharing our likes and dislikes without using judgmental words.
> Even if the members of a family don't find the words hurtful, there
> will be other people outside the family who will be put off and feel
> put down. And that's a good thing for kids to know, even if their
> family is less sensitive.
>
> Joyce
>
> **Well, then we disagree. I think the way my family relates is terrific --
> including less-than-perfectly-gentle opinions sometimes -- and if the rest
> of the world wants to be offended by the way we discuss TV shows, well, they
> should get a hobby. :)
>
> **There are times when kinder and gentler are appropriate and times when it
> is OK to speak your mind. I'm not suggesting my kids go out in the world and
> pick fights about TV shows. But people have different tastes and that's OK.
> Everyone isn't all that fragile.
>
> Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~
Exactly. Some people who are having trouble living happily as
unschoolers might find your flavor of sensitivity helpful. Some might
appreciate a heads up that not all of us operate the same way. And
that it's OK to explore those differences.~~
Sure!
I just hope you're not advocating parents calling their kid's show "dumb".
I can see where that might happen with older kids, who are used to
discussing such things in a humorous manner. My kids and I can get
pretty crass at times. "That is the dumbest show" could get flung
about at some point. It depends.
There's so much circumstance and personality that plays into it. I am
very careful with my judgements about other people's choices, even
when thinking it. I try to examine where that judgement stems from.
Words like "ugly", "dumb", "lame" etc....can get in the way of seeing
the things that person loves about it.
The idea here isn't to advocate for people all liking what they're
kids like or anything. But I don't see how it helps people embrace a
show their children like, that they don't, by calling it "dumb".
I like to suspend that judgement long enough to get inside their heads
at least.:)
There are shows I think are pretty lame. But sometimes I can pick
apart the lameness and see some redeeming quality too. Then I leave
the room and come have these danged discussions. One would think I am
dumb for continuing this after eight years. 'Cept there are those that
have done it longer.;)
So maybe "nuts" is a better descriptor.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Exactly. Some people who are having trouble living happily as
unschoolers might find your flavor of sensitivity helpful. Some might
appreciate a heads up that not all of us operate the same way. And
that it's OK to explore those differences.~~
Sure!
I just hope you're not advocating parents calling their kid's show "dumb".
I can see where that might happen with older kids, who are used to
discussing such things in a humorous manner. My kids and I can get
pretty crass at times. "That is the dumbest show" could get flung
about at some point. It depends.
There's so much circumstance and personality that plays into it. I am
very careful with my judgements about other people's choices, even
when thinking it. I try to examine where that judgement stems from.
Words like "ugly", "dumb", "lame" etc....can get in the way of seeing
the things that person loves about it.
The idea here isn't to advocate for people all liking what they're
kids like or anything. But I don't see how it helps people embrace a
show their children like, that they don't, by calling it "dumb".
I like to suspend that judgement long enough to get inside their heads
at least.:)
There are shows I think are pretty lame. But sometimes I can pick
apart the lameness and see some redeeming quality too. Then I leave
the room and come have these danged discussions. One would think I am
dumb for continuing this after eight years. 'Cept there are those that
have done it longer.;)
So maybe "nuts" is a better descriptor.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
k
I do however see that so many people don't do well in a family with
insensitive behaviors. There's almost always at least one child who doesn't
fare well. In my own case, I lived "under the radar" as a sensitive person
as much as I could so as not to be label "too sensitive." I wanted
acceptance and my real Self lay inert until I left home. I didn't know how
black my depression had gotten until then.
When we explore the differences, you might come across dozens of examples of
children who fared about the same as I did.
~Katherine
insensitive behaviors. There's almost always at least one child who doesn't
fare well. In my own case, I lived "under the radar" as a sensitive person
as much as I could so as not to be label "too sensitive." I wanted
acceptance and my real Self lay inert until I left home. I didn't know how
black my depression had gotten until then.
When we explore the differences, you might come across dozens of examples of
children who fared about the same as I did.
~Katherine
On 8/8/08, Nance Confer <marbleface@...> wrote:
>
> Exactly. Some people who are having trouble living happily as
> unschoolers might find your flavor of sensitivity helpful. Some might
> appreciate a heads up that not all of us operate the same way. And that it's
> OK to explore those differences.
>
> Nance
>
> ************
>
> Sensitivity has nothing to do with being fragile. People have different
> likes and dislikes, including how things are approached. Some people can't
> stand being approached except bluntly or frankly. Others can't stand laying
> every last thing out. There's a wide variety of responses that could be
> labeled sensitive or insensitive.
>
> Nobody need approve or disapprove of your family dynamics, Nance. It's fine
> with me. This is just a list for discussion about unschooling as it works
> for people who *are* having trouble with family dynamics. I'm not referring
> specifically to your family.
>
> ~Katherine
>
> On 8/8/08, Nance Confer <marbleface@...<marbleface%40bellsouth.net>>
> wrote:
> >
> > unschoolingbasicsBut I don't think it's ever useful for building
> > relationships to
> > label what someone else likes as stupid or dumb or boring or anything
> > negative. There are gentler, kinder, more relationship building ways
> > of sharing our likes and dislikes without using judgmental words.
> > Even if the members of a family don't find the words hurtful, there
> > will be other people outside the family who will be put off and feel
> > put down. And that's a good thing for kids to know, even if their
> > family is less sensitive.
> >
> > Joyce
> >
> > **Well, then we disagree. I think the way my family relates is terrific
> --
> > including less-than-perfectly-gentle opinions sometimes -- and if the
> rest
> > of the world wants to be offended by the way we discuss TV shows, well,
> they
> > should get a hobby. :)
> >
> > **There are times when kinder and gentler are appropriate and times when
> it
> > is OK to speak your mind. I'm not suggesting my kids go out in the world
> and
> > pick fights about TV shows. But people have different tastes and that's
> OK.
> > Everyone isn't all that fragile.
> >
> > Nance
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]