Angela

Hi everyone,
I've posted here a couple of times about my son, and now I need to
share some things that are happening with my daughter. First I'll
supply a little background- we moved to Virginia from New York a year
ago. We stopped going to school, and we all discovered that we really
love being home. Our lives changed a LOT with the move and the
decision to stop going to school. Now we are returning to NY, job
related reasons, to exactly the place we came from, and my daughter
has told me she wants to go back to school. She will be entering 8th
grade. I told her that is her decision and I'll help her with the
whole "back to school" thing, but in my secret heart I am really
unhappy. I want so much for my daughter to stay outside of the school
system, for a lot of reasons- I don't need to list them all, but I
will say that i want my daughter to live and learn and grow outside
of that institution. The past year, I've watched her really and truly
blossom. She has had bouts of loneliness, because we are pretty
isolated, but she did meet two girls near her age (13) who were both
fantastic kids (unschooled for years). She started writing a lot,
very creative, interesting stories. She started to design her own
clothing and now has really started to amaze me with her very
independent and beautiful "style". She also began to really, in my
opinion, get to know and love herself. She chose what she wanted to
do and she did it. She left behind some people and ideas and totally
started coming into her own.
Now we are returning and she wants to go back to school. She has a
friend there (in school) who always seemed to me to overpower my
daughter. My daughter would do whatever this other girl asked of her,
and on the several occasions when she did not want to, she was made
to suffer some weird psychological consequences by either the girl or
her family. The whole family was quite overbearing- for example, if
my daughter chose not to attend a sleepover at the girl's house, the
mom would email my daughter, using her daughter's account, and tell
my daughter how hurt and saddened she and her daughter were by my
daughter's decision. This kind of stuff happened every time my
daughter would choose not to do whatever the other girl wanted. I
would talk with her about it and try to reassure her that she was
allowed to make her own decisions, but she always caved in to the
other family and did what they wanted. I was even then trying to let
my daughter choose for herself but now I wonder if I was setting a
precedent that I'd let other people boss her around.
So I'm worried for my newly independent girl. Not only will she be
going back to prison, I mean, school, but she will also be going back
to this friend who she always caved in to. I haven't said much except
axpressed how excited I have been to see my daughter doing her own
thing. I haven't said "PLEASE, don't give in!!!" but my heart is in
my throat at the very thought of her going back.
I also told her that it is her choice to return to school and it is
her choice to stay. She can leave at any time. I want her to see
school as something she is choosing to do.
Any words of wisdom? I'm really feeling like my daughter's future is
hanging in the balance here. I know that's black and white thinking,
but it feels real. It's like, we just started this journey!! I'm
afraid we'll miss so much now that she's going to go back to school.
Thank you,
Angela

[email protected]

You know, you may not be giving her enough credit.

She may be a lot stronger than you think. She's grown a lot the past
year. Maybe she's more prepared and more sure of herself. Maybe she can
handle more than you think she can?

She may decide that school really isn't all it's cracked up to be and
that the friend isn't all that much fun---and kind of bossy. <g>

I think I would quit worrying so much and step back and see what
happens.

Trust her. I bet she'll be fine.


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

-----Original Message-----
From: Angela <ansperry@...>

Hi everyone,
I've posted here a couple of times about my son, and now I need to
share some things that are happening with my daughter. First I'll
supply a little background- we moved to Virginia from New York a year
ago. We stopped going to school, and we all discovered that we really
love being home. Our lives changed a LOT with the move and the
decision to stop going to school. Now we are returning to NY, job
related reasons, to exactly the place we came from, and my daughter
has told me she wants to go back to school. She will be entering 8th
grade. I told her that is her decision and I'll help her with the
whole "back to school" thing, but in my secret heart I am really
unhappy. I want so much for my daughter to stay outside of the school
system, for a lot of reasons- I don't need to list them all, but I
will say that i want my daughter to live and learn and grow outside
of that institution. The past year, I've watched her really and truly
blossom. She has had bouts of loneliness, because we are pretty
isolated, but she did meet two girls near her age (13) who were both
fantastic kids (unschooled for years). She started writing a lot,
very creative, interesting stories. She started to design her own
clothing and now has really started to amaze me with her very
independent and beautiful "style". She also began to really, in my
opinion, get to know and love herself. She chose what she wanted to
do and she did it. She left behind some people and ideas and totally
started coming into her own.
Now we are returning and she wants to go back to school. She has a
friend there (in school) who always seemed to me to overpower my
daughter. My daughter would do whatever this other girl asked of her,
and on the several occasions when she did not want to, she was made
to suffer some weird psychological consequences by either the girl or
her family. The whole family was quite overbearing- for example, if
my daughter chose not to attend a sleepover at the girl's house, the
mom would email my daughter, using her daughter's account, and tell
my daughter how hurt and saddened she and her daughter were by my
daughter's decision. This kind of stuff happened every time my
daughter would choose not to do whatever the other girl wanted. I
would talk with her about it and try to reassure her that she was
allowed to make her own decisions, but she always caved in to the
other family and did what they wanted. I was even then trying to let
my daughter choose for herself but now I wonder if I was setting a
precedent that I'd let other people boss her around.
So I'm worried for my newly independent girl. Not only will she be
going back to prison, I mean, school, but she will also be going back
to this friend who she always caved in to. I haven't said much except
axpressed how excited I have been to see my daughter doing her own
thing. I haven't said "PLEASE, don't give in!!!" but my heart is in
my throat at the very thought of her going back.
I also told her that it is her choice to return to school and it is
her choice to stay. She can leave at any time. I want her to see
school as something she is choosing to do.
Any words of wisdom? I'm really feeling like my daughter's future is
hanging in the balance here. I know that's black and white thinking,
but it feels real. It's like, we just started this journey!! I'm
afraid we'll miss so much now that she's going to go back to school.
Thank you,
Angela