Child cannot decide
Robin Krest
I need help with this. My 4.5 y/o son was signed up for a few weeks of summer camp. Most days he went, some days he didn't. No problem.
But, there were a couple days he couldn't decide. Yes, he wanted to go...we drove there. Didn't want me to leave the room (parents were not allowed to stay), wanted to be with me. So we left. Got outside, he wanted to go back in...continued in this vein today for 4 cycles.
I could not figure out what to do. We talked later, and he said he wanted to do the things with me, but did not want to miss out just because I was not allowed to stay, and the circle continued.
What are some tools I can use when we are in that type of cycle? I try to avoid it, but sometimes it happens anyway, and I need a way to handle it and help him with this.
Robin
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But, there were a couple days he couldn't decide. Yes, he wanted to go...we drove there. Didn't want me to leave the room (parents were not allowed to stay), wanted to be with me. So we left. Got outside, he wanted to go back in...continued in this vein today for 4 cycles.
I could not figure out what to do. We talked later, and he said he wanted to do the things with me, but did not want to miss out just because I was not allowed to stay, and the circle continued.
What are some tools I can use when we are in that type of cycle? I try to avoid it, but sometimes it happens anyway, and I need a way to handle it and help him with this.
Robin
____________________________________________________________
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Joyce Fetteroll
On Aug 1, 2008, at 7:16 PM, Robin Krest wrote:
He wants a camp where you do things together. The struggle he's
having is that he wants the camp he has to be different than what it
is and he's powerless to do that. He thinks the camp is the only
option to do these fun things and he's struggling to get the parts
out of it that he likes and helpless to change the parts he doesn't
like.
Ask him what he does like about the camp and find ways to do those
things together :-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I could not figure out what to do. We talked later, and he said heHe told you what the problem is :-)
> wanted to do the things with me, but did not want to miss out just
> because I was not allowed to stay, and the circle continued.
He wants a camp where you do things together. The struggle he's
having is that he wants the camp he has to be different than what it
is and he's powerless to do that. He thinks the camp is the only
option to do these fun things and he's struggling to get the parts
out of it that he likes and helpless to change the parts he doesn't
like.
Ask him what he does like about the camp and find ways to do those
things together :-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mara
He is still so young. If he wants to do certain fun things they offer at summer camp, but would prefer you to be there, are there things that you two could do together that are similar? Not sure what exactly they do at camps for little ones as I have never been to one, but maybe talking about the fun things he likes there and then saying that you could do those together somewhere else - go to a beach, museums, take him to a craft store, look for frogs, go to a concert -
Don't know where you live, around here (N.E.) there are lots of classes and activities that the kids can do with the parents. We sometime just go out on adventures, sometimes in the woods in the backyard, sometimes stopping at those 'brown signs' on the road. What gave him the idea of camp? Or did someone just sign him up thinking he might like it? Does he ever ask to go back? Or is it a suggestion from outside of him? Are there other fun alternatives?
Don't know if this helps...
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: Robin Krest <rlkrest@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, August 1, 2008 7:16:01 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Child cannot decide
I need help with this. My 4.5 y/o son was signed up for a few weeks of summer camp. Most days he went, some days he didn't. No problem.
But, there were a couple days he couldn't decide. Yes, he wanted to go...we drove there. Didn't want me to leave the room (parents were not allowed to stay), wanted to be with me. So we left. Got outside, he wanted to go back in...continued in this vein today for 4 cycles.
I could not figure out what to do. We talked later, and he said he wanted to do the things with me, but did not want to miss out just because I was not allowed to stay, and the circle continued.
What are some tools I can use when we are in that type of cycle? I try to avoid it, but sometimes it happens anyway, and I need a way to handle it and help him with this.
Robin
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
Hotel pics, info and virtual tours. Click here to book a hotel online.
http://thirdpartyof fers.juno. com/TGL2141/ fc/Ioyw6i3nLmLJS Baa15NBLsqREEeQ9 IXYKh0ucQDXAShLP 125jVolhF/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Don't know where you live, around here (N.E.) there are lots of classes and activities that the kids can do with the parents. We sometime just go out on adventures, sometimes in the woods in the backyard, sometimes stopping at those 'brown signs' on the road. What gave him the idea of camp? Or did someone just sign him up thinking he might like it? Does he ever ask to go back? Or is it a suggestion from outside of him? Are there other fun alternatives?
Don't know if this helps...
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: Robin Krest <rlkrest@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, August 1, 2008 7:16:01 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Child cannot decide
I need help with this. My 4.5 y/o son was signed up for a few weeks of summer camp. Most days he went, some days he didn't. No problem.
But, there were a couple days he couldn't decide. Yes, he wanted to go...we drove there. Didn't want me to leave the room (parents were not allowed to stay), wanted to be with me. So we left. Got outside, he wanted to go back in...continued in this vein today for 4 cycles.
I could not figure out what to do. We talked later, and he said he wanted to do the things with me, but did not want to miss out just because I was not allowed to stay, and the circle continued.
What are some tools I can use when we are in that type of cycle? I try to avoid it, but sometimes it happens anyway, and I need a way to handle it and help him with this.
Robin
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
Hotel pics, info and virtual tours. Click here to book a hotel online.
http://thirdpartyof fers.juno. com/TGL2141/ fc/Ioyw6i3nLmLJS Baa15NBLsqREEeQ9 IXYKh0ucQDXAShLP 125jVolhF/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Therese
I have a 4.5 year old... and IMO, my dd is too young to be away from
me all day. Just like I believe its crazy to send a young child away
to Kindergarden all day, summer camp (for my dd) would be way too
much for her too soon. He wants to be with YOU and do all the fun
things that were promised to him-- with YOU. They don't understand
why they have to be separated.. I think especially so for young
homeschoolers. I remember when I subbed for Kindergarden and the
children would cry when their parents dropped them off at school.
Eventlually they would get used to it, but many children cried every
day for weeks and weeks. :(
Most children who go to summer camp are already used to
being 'dropped off' at school or daycare. I wouldn't try to expect a
young homeschooler to handle the situation as schooled kids would...
which I'm sure you didn't and well prepared him that you would be
separated and he may even be used to being away from you... but I
just wanted to mention it because we would've have the same issue
here because my dd isn't used to being 'dropped off' anywhere.
Hugs,
Therese
--- In [email protected], "Robin Krest" <rlkrest@...>
wrote:
problem.
were not allowed to stay), wanted to be with me. So we left. Got
outside, he wanted to go back in...continued in this vein today for 4
cycles.
because I was not allowed to stay, and the circle continued.
handle it and help him with this.
eQ9IXYKh0ucQDXAShLP125jVolhF/
me all day. Just like I believe its crazy to send a young child away
to Kindergarden all day, summer camp (for my dd) would be way too
much for her too soon. He wants to be with YOU and do all the fun
things that were promised to him-- with YOU. They don't understand
why they have to be separated.. I think especially so for young
homeschoolers. I remember when I subbed for Kindergarden and the
children would cry when their parents dropped them off at school.
Eventlually they would get used to it, but many children cried every
day for weeks and weeks. :(
Most children who go to summer camp are already used to
being 'dropped off' at school or daycare. I wouldn't try to expect a
young homeschooler to handle the situation as schooled kids would...
which I'm sure you didn't and well prepared him that you would be
separated and he may even be used to being away from you... but I
just wanted to mention it because we would've have the same issue
here because my dd isn't used to being 'dropped off' anywhere.
Hugs,
Therese
--- In [email protected], "Robin Krest" <rlkrest@...>
wrote:
>weeks of summer camp. Most days he went, some days he didn't. No
> I need help with this. My 4.5 y/o son was signed up for a few
problem.
>to go...we drove there. Didn't want me to leave the room (parents
> But, there were a couple days he couldn't decide. Yes, he wanted
were not allowed to stay), wanted to be with me. So we left. Got
outside, he wanted to go back in...continued in this vein today for 4
cycles.
>wanted to do the things with me, but did not want to miss out just
> I could not figure out what to do. We talked later, and he said he
because I was not allowed to stay, and the circle continued.
>try to avoid it, but sometimes it happens anyway, and I need a way to
> What are some tools I can use when we are in that type of cycle? I
handle it and help him with this.
>online.
> Robin
>
>
>
>
> ____________________________________________________________
> Hotel pics, info and virtual tours. Click here to book a hotel
>http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2141/fc/Ioyw6i3nLmLJSBaa15NBLsqREE
eQ9IXYKh0ucQDXAShLP125jVolhF/
>
Beth Fleming
I've just recently heard about a few camps in our area that offer "family camp"....finally someone came up with a GREAT idea for families to spend time together, with all the planned activities (arts and crafts, sailing, swimming) that kids typically experience at camps. Too late for us this summer, but next summer, we're seriously looking into it....the one I'm looking at, if we use our own tent, is about 400$ for the week for 6 of us, three meals a day included.
I agree that doing camp stuff with kids on your own is really what they probably would enjoy most (at their own pace, following their own interests, etc), but family camp sounds like it would be lots of fun, too!
Peace,
Beth
----- Original Message ----
From: Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, August 2, 2008 6:06:16 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Child cannot decide
On Aug 1, 2008, at 7:16 PM, Robin Krest wrote:
> I could not figure out what to do. We talked later, and he said he
> wanted to do the things with me, but did not want to miss out just
> because I was not allowed to stay, and the circle continued.
He told you what the problem is :-)
He wants a camp where you do things together. The struggle he's
having is that he wants the camp he has to be different than what it
is and he's powerless to do that. He thinks the camp is the only
option to do these fun things and he's struggling to get the parts
out of it that he likes and helpless to change the parts he doesn't
like.
Ask him what he does like about the camp and find ways to do those
things together :-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tbearup
Like the others, I agree that the issue isn't really with your son, but mostly with the way the
camp was set up. My daughter is a little over 4 y.o., and I skip the activities where I am not
allowed to stay in the room if needed. 4.5 is still pretty young! I also stay away from ultra
structured classes like dance and gymnastics if they are really rigid on the 'rules'. IMHO, 4
year olds really need to just play and be all over the place if they want to. :)
So, rather than figure out a way to deal with your son, I'd suggest you figure out a way to
deal with the people running the class and skip the ones that don't value a little parental
help every once in a while.
Tiffani
www.childplay.wordpress.com
camp was set up. My daughter is a little over 4 y.o., and I skip the activities where I am not
allowed to stay in the room if needed. 4.5 is still pretty young! I also stay away from ultra
structured classes like dance and gymnastics if they are really rigid on the 'rules'. IMHO, 4
year olds really need to just play and be all over the place if they want to. :)
So, rather than figure out a way to deal with your son, I'd suggest you figure out a way to
deal with the people running the class and skip the ones that don't value a little parental
help every once in a while.
Tiffani
www.childplay.wordpress.com
kellynrachel
I have a 4.5 year old who has opted to go to a day camp at her
gymnastics (older siblings attend in age appropriate groups). She
loves it. She always asks to go and can't wait for camp. She's all
about the friends and games. Even though I drop off at 9am, I stop by
for kisses at lunch and ask if she is having a good day and wants to
stay. My kids know that I will come pick them up the moment that they
are *done* at camp. If it were any different, I wouldn't send her.
She's only 4.5 years old.
No questions, I would love to spend my day with them, but they are
expressing desire to go out in the world and try. There is no guilt
or negative emotion associated with saying that they are done with
camp for the day. I just pick up the child who is *done* and return home.
Each 4.5 year old is different. Would you child's needs be met better
in an open day camp setting where you could be nearby whenever you are
needed? Maybe one or two days a week should be maximum signed up for
so that it's a special thing to go and do? Anything that is the same
over and over again reduces it's excitement quickly.
I would expect it to be hard for a 4.5 year old to state opinion on
*leaving you* for camp if they felt that they had to leave you to go.
Can you make this experience a shorter duration of time or allow
several days between the camp attended days?
Don't feel that you're not doing your job if there is question about
going out in the world. I have days where my 7.5 year old has called
within 15 minutes of drop off to be picked up. He still gets lonely
and wants to be with his family. Cherish that. It won't always be.
Make home wonderful. Have adventures. Be fun, loving, and spirited.
Sometimes a child will want to venture out to test out the world.
Embrace it. Welcome them home when they are done out there.
Unschoolers don't *need* to be taught to survive without family like
kids in public school do. There is no need to expect your child to
*learn* to be independent in this manner. It will come in time.
Relax. Make camp a once-a-week adventure if you wish. Try not to
expect them to go daily. Nobody likes to do the same thing everyday,
especially at 4.5 years old.
Rachel
gymnastics (older siblings attend in age appropriate groups). She
loves it. She always asks to go and can't wait for camp. She's all
about the friends and games. Even though I drop off at 9am, I stop by
for kisses at lunch and ask if she is having a good day and wants to
stay. My kids know that I will come pick them up the moment that they
are *done* at camp. If it were any different, I wouldn't send her.
She's only 4.5 years old.
No questions, I would love to spend my day with them, but they are
expressing desire to go out in the world and try. There is no guilt
or negative emotion associated with saying that they are done with
camp for the day. I just pick up the child who is *done* and return home.
Each 4.5 year old is different. Would you child's needs be met better
in an open day camp setting where you could be nearby whenever you are
needed? Maybe one or two days a week should be maximum signed up for
so that it's a special thing to go and do? Anything that is the same
over and over again reduces it's excitement quickly.
I would expect it to be hard for a 4.5 year old to state opinion on
*leaving you* for camp if they felt that they had to leave you to go.
Can you make this experience a shorter duration of time or allow
several days between the camp attended days?
Don't feel that you're not doing your job if there is question about
going out in the world. I have days where my 7.5 year old has called
within 15 minutes of drop off to be picked up. He still gets lonely
and wants to be with his family. Cherish that. It won't always be.
Make home wonderful. Have adventures. Be fun, loving, and spirited.
Sometimes a child will want to venture out to test out the world.
Embrace it. Welcome them home when they are done out there.
Unschoolers don't *need* to be taught to survive without family like
kids in public school do. There is no need to expect your child to
*learn* to be independent in this manner. It will come in time.
Relax. Make camp a once-a-week adventure if you wish. Try not to
expect them to go daily. Nobody likes to do the same thing everyday,
especially at 4.5 years old.
Rachel
Gillian Goddard
My daughter is 3, almost 4 and the only structured activity that she
usually does is camp during school holidays. She started going, at
her request, when she had just turned 3. Some days she wants to go,
some days she doesn't want to go, and some days she wants me to
stay. She is very independent and organizes sleep overs at her
cousins and my parents when she wants. I think that both the age of
the child and their personality will play a role in how they want to
spend their time.
This is a small community, only 1.5 million in the whole country, so
all 3 camps she has gone to are with people that we know. Last year
it was at a music school and she went for one week but stayed in my
older son's group. She didn't want to stop going. Early last month
she went, with my son and lots of other friends, to one at a friends'
house. But there were some racial dynamics, IMO, and she and her
friends said that the counselors were mean to them so they stopped
going. The last 2 weeks they have been going sporadically to another
friend's house whose 18 year old daughter organized the camp with her
cousins. My son will be going three days this week and my daughter
will decide each day if she wants to go or not.
I think that every day her needs, and the needs of many children, are
different. If it is possible for the camp to remain flexible and for
your schedule to be flexible then that would probably be best. I
have noticed that if my daughter does independent things for a few
days in a row then she often requires me close by for a few days
after that.
Good luck working this out.
Gillian
usually does is camp during school holidays. She started going, at
her request, when she had just turned 3. Some days she wants to go,
some days she doesn't want to go, and some days she wants me to
stay. She is very independent and organizes sleep overs at her
cousins and my parents when she wants. I think that both the age of
the child and their personality will play a role in how they want to
spend their time.
This is a small community, only 1.5 million in the whole country, so
all 3 camps she has gone to are with people that we know. Last year
it was at a music school and she went for one week but stayed in my
older son's group. She didn't want to stop going. Early last month
she went, with my son and lots of other friends, to one at a friends'
house. But there were some racial dynamics, IMO, and she and her
friends said that the counselors were mean to them so they stopped
going. The last 2 weeks they have been going sporadically to another
friend's house whose 18 year old daughter organized the camp with her
cousins. My son will be going three days this week and my daughter
will decide each day if she wants to go or not.
I think that every day her needs, and the needs of many children, are
different. If it is possible for the camp to remain flexible and for
your schedule to be flexible then that would probably be best. I
have noticed that if my daughter does independent things for a few
days in a row then she often requires me close by for a few days
after that.
Good luck working this out.
Gillian