feeling unmotivated
Kelli Johnston
Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to get motivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids. They are pretty young still (5 & 4). We get out to the beach and the park a couple times a week but other than that we stay home most of the day. Our weekends are pretty packed so once the week rolls around, I feel pretty tired and unmotivated! I know that the kids are learning a lot doing what they are doing (mostly imaginary play, drawing/painting, playing in the yard, watching tv, and using the computer) but I feel like I should be exposing them more to stuff outside of the house (museums, parks, hikes, etc) or having more materials around the house that could spark interest. I keep thinking that today is the day that I will motivate or even trying to schedule myself but I find myself rebelling against myself, lol. Anyone have any suggestions? Should I just let it be and de-school for a while (my 5 year old was on a curriculum last year which was stressful for all of us) or push myself until it feels more natural? I am not talking about forcing anything on them...just offering more options than what is immediately in front of them that they are aware of.Kelli
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
I wonder if you can make a list of other activities you might do,
using pictures (I'm guessing they're not reading yet!). Just tack it
up on the wall, and if something seems interesting to them, they'll
let you know! You may have to visit the place once before, so they
know what it is, but then, it won't all be on you to think of things.
Some kids are happier at home; it was stressful for my oldest to go
places until he was older. He didn't initiate things because he didn't
really want to go! Unfortunately, I wasn't RU then - he went to school
for two years. It's still rare that he asks to go anywhere - he likes
it at home.
--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston
<KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
using pictures (I'm guessing they're not reading yet!). Just tack it
up on the wall, and if something seems interesting to them, they'll
let you know! You may have to visit the place once before, so they
know what it is, but then, it won't all be on you to think of things.
Some kids are happier at home; it was stressful for my oldest to go
places until he was older. He didn't initiate things because he didn't
really want to go! Unfortunately, I wasn't RU then - he went to school
for two years. It's still rare that he asks to go anywhere - he likes
it at home.
--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston
<KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
>motivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids.
>
> Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to get
Kelli Johnston
yeah that sounds like a good idea! I guess part of the problem is that I would rather stay home. I mean maybe they do too but since they are young, it is harder to tell what is my doing and what is there doing. I don't want to limit them because of my needs but it is hard to get up the energy to do things sometimes. I am not one of those naturally exciting parents with fun ideas. I have this vision that I should be hauling out a big box of crafty stuff or showing them modern art....or just being more proactive in general. My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing our own thing most of the time. I mean if I knew that somehow I just needed to force myself for a while? Do others feel this need to expose their children to a lot of things? I think I am in a little panic that we *seemingly* aren't doing anything. Maybe this is just one of those first steps in trusting that everything is going to be ok?Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: carenkh@...: Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:18:26 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
I wonder if you can make a list of other activities you might do,using pictures (I'm guessing they're not reading yet!). Just tack itup on the wall, and if something seems interesting to them, they'lllet you know! You may have to visit the place once before, so theyknow what it is, but then, it won't all be on you to think of things.Some kids are happier at home; it was stressful for my oldest to goplaces until he was older. He didn't initiate things because he didn'treally want to go! Unfortunately, I wasn't RU then - he went to schoolfor two years. It's still rare that he asks to go anywhere - he likesit at home.--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston<KelliJohnston@...> wrote:>> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to getmotivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: carenkh@...: Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:18:26 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
I wonder if you can make a list of other activities you might do,using pictures (I'm guessing they're not reading yet!). Just tack itup on the wall, and if something seems interesting to them, they'lllet you know! You may have to visit the place once before, so theyknow what it is, but then, it won't all be on you to think of things.Some kids are happier at home; it was stressful for my oldest to goplaces until he was older. He didn't initiate things because he didn'treally want to go! Unfortunately, I wasn't RU then - he went to schoolfor two years. It's still rare that he asks to go anywhere - he likesit at home.--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston<KelliJohnston@...> wrote:>> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to getmotivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
What are YOU passionate about? What are YOU interested in? What gets
you out of bed in the morning? Are you happy to be alive? Are you alive?
Caren
you out of bed in the morning? Are you happy to be alive? Are you alive?
Caren
Kimberly Slage
It is so hard sometimes. I have a 14 and a 8 year old and we go through
that sometimes
too. (We spend a lot of time at home.)
It seems to me that you already are keeping
them busy. Our big outing at times is the library. We go tons. I joined
Netflix this
summer and we get movies all the time and this seems to keep my kids
occupied. It is
very hot out so the limits of course for outside activity are limited. I am
originally from Orlando
and we had a pool. My kids would swim all day back then. I miss that!
Hang in there!
Kimberly
that sometimes
too. (We spend a lot of time at home.)
It seems to me that you already are keeping
them busy. Our big outing at times is the library. We go tons. I joined
Netflix this
summer and we get movies all the time and this seems to keep my kids
occupied. It is
very hot out so the limits of course for outside activity are limited. I am
originally from Orlando
and we had a pool. My kids would swim all day back then. I miss that!
Hang in there!
Kimberly
On Tue, Jul 22, 2008 at 12:18 PM, carenkh <carenkh@...> wrote:
> I wonder if you can make a list of other activities you might do,
> using pictures (I'm guessing they're not reading yet!). Just tack it
> up on the wall, and if something seems interesting to them, they'll
> let you know! You may have to visit the place once before, so they
> know what it is, but then, it won't all be on you to think of things.
>
> Some kids are happier at home; it was stressful for my oldest to go
> places until he was older. He didn't initiate things because he didn't
> really want to go! Unfortunately, I wasn't RU then - he went to school
> for two years. It's still rare that he asks to go anywhere - he likes
> it at home.
>
> --- In [email protected]<unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>,
> Kelli Johnston
>
> <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
> >
> >
> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to get
> motivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids.
>
>
>
--
Kimberly Slage
www.magnoliaacademy.weebly.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
A Perry
Hi Kelli,
I can relate to how you are feeling. It took me almost 6 months to stop feeling the pressure to "do something" with/for the kids. I love being home, and I could happily putter around the house and gardens for weeks on end. My six year old son is also perfectly content to hang out. I do try to find stuff for my daughter, who is 12, because she seems more restless and wants more outside stuff to do. She has a couple of friends to visit, and that helps. She also loves going to the bookstore, and that's something we can all do together that isn't too taxing.
I take my son to the park very rarely, and when I do, it's just me and him- he has no interest in playing with other kids. I used to worry a little but I got over it, much as I have gotten over the pressure I put on myself to "do things".
If everyone is content, I think it is wonderful that you are all happy to be home together. You can do so many things at home, too. Some of the things we have going on right now include an ant farm, a fish tank, an ongoing 3-D jigsaw puzzle, the gardens, making jam and canning stuff, some insect eggs on a leaf that we look at several hundred times a day,
playing "band" with our instruments, digging a pond...and this is "extra" stuff, aside from the usual books, tv, video games, cooking, playing board games, building forts, the sand box, the pool...I'll bet if you started a list of the things you have and the things you do with them, you would be surprised by how full their lives actually are.
Maybe once a month go to a play or a museum or something special. We belong to a group that does things once in a while and it helps motivate me to know we have other people going along with us.
Enjoy the peace!
~Angela
-- On Tue, 7/22/08, Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
From: Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...>
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
To: [email protected]
Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 1:35 PM
yeah that sounds like a good idea! I guess part of the problem is that I would rather stay home. I mean maybe they do too but since they are young, it is harder to tell what is my doing and what is there doing. I don't want to limit them because of my needs but it is hard to get up the energy to do things sometimes. I am not one of those naturally exciting parents with fun ideas. I have this vision that I should be hauling out a big box of crafty stuff or showing them modern art....or just being more proactive in general. My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing our own thing most of the time. I mean if I knew that somehow I just needed to force myself for a while? Do others feel this need to expose their children to a lot of things? I think I am in a little panic that we *seemingly* aren't doing anything. Maybe this is just one of those first steps in trusting that everything is going to be ok?Kelli
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To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. comFrom: carenkh@earthlink. netDate: Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:18:26 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
I wonder if you can make a list of other activities you might do,using pictures (I'm guessing they're not reading yet!). Just tack itup on the wall, and if something seems interesting to them, they'lllet you know! You may have to visit the place once before, so theyknow what it is, but then, it won't all be on you to think of things.Some kids are happier at home; it was stressful for my oldest to goplaces until he was older. He didn't initiate things because he didn'treally want to go! Unfortunately, I wasn't RU then - he went to schoolfor two years. It's still rare that he asks to go anywhere - he likesit at home.--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Kelli Johnston<KelliJohns ton@...> wrote:>> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to getmotivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I can relate to how you are feeling. It took me almost 6 months to stop feeling the pressure to "do something" with/for the kids. I love being home, and I could happily putter around the house and gardens for weeks on end. My six year old son is also perfectly content to hang out. I do try to find stuff for my daughter, who is 12, because she seems more restless and wants more outside stuff to do. She has a couple of friends to visit, and that helps. She also loves going to the bookstore, and that's something we can all do together that isn't too taxing.
I take my son to the park very rarely, and when I do, it's just me and him- he has no interest in playing with other kids. I used to worry a little but I got over it, much as I have gotten over the pressure I put on myself to "do things".
If everyone is content, I think it is wonderful that you are all happy to be home together. You can do so many things at home, too. Some of the things we have going on right now include an ant farm, a fish tank, an ongoing 3-D jigsaw puzzle, the gardens, making jam and canning stuff, some insect eggs on a leaf that we look at several hundred times a day,
playing "band" with our instruments, digging a pond...and this is "extra" stuff, aside from the usual books, tv, video games, cooking, playing board games, building forts, the sand box, the pool...I'll bet if you started a list of the things you have and the things you do with them, you would be surprised by how full their lives actually are.
Maybe once a month go to a play or a museum or something special. We belong to a group that does things once in a while and it helps motivate me to know we have other people going along with us.
Enjoy the peace!
~Angela
-- On Tue, 7/22/08, Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
From: Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...>
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
To: [email protected]
Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 1:35 PM
yeah that sounds like a good idea! I guess part of the problem is that I would rather stay home. I mean maybe they do too but since they are young, it is harder to tell what is my doing and what is there doing. I don't want to limit them because of my needs but it is hard to get up the energy to do things sometimes. I am not one of those naturally exciting parents with fun ideas. I have this vision that I should be hauling out a big box of crafty stuff or showing them modern art....or just being more proactive in general. My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing our own thing most of the time. I mean if I knew that somehow I just needed to force myself for a while? Do others feel this need to expose their children to a lot of things? I think I am in a little panic that we *seemingly* aren't doing anything. Maybe this is just one of those first steps in trusting that everything is going to be ok?Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. comFrom: carenkh@earthlink. netDate: Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:18:26 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
I wonder if you can make a list of other activities you might do,using pictures (I'm guessing they're not reading yet!). Just tack itup on the wall, and if something seems interesting to them, they'lllet you know! You may have to visit the place once before, so theyknow what it is, but then, it won't all be on you to think of things.Some kids are happier at home; it was stressful for my oldest to goplaces until he was older. He didn't initiate things because he didn'treally want to go! Unfortunately, I wasn't RU then - he went to schoolfor two years. It's still rare that he asks to go anywhere - he likesit at home.--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Kelli Johnston<KelliJohns ton@...> wrote:>> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to getmotivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
julie
Kelli
I don't know if this is exactly the right answer, however, I also have
little ones and so from my point of view....I don't think you have to
be constantly exposing them to new stuff. Right now, in their young
lives, what I think (my kids) at least need exposure to is people, and
relationships, and with you with them, that is what they are getting.
Going to parks and beaches several times a week as well as a weekend
full of things to do....they very well may be happy with the down time
on the days that you are all home. I know if I did something every
day with my little ones, they would be cranky and over stimulated.
You could go someplace or do something every day, but that does not
mean it would be meaningful to them, or worth your effort.
Relax, as they get older, and see things on tv, or talk to others
about things, they will ask you about it. Let them lead you. I guess
if they are BEGGING you to go somewhere, you should probably try to do
it with them, but if not, just let them be little and have fun with
it. They have plenty of childhood left!
As I said, I am not too sure if this is the right view on it, as I
have only just (6 months) really gotten into the whole US way of
thinking/living, but those are my few cents.
Good luck, and enjoy
I don't know if this is exactly the right answer, however, I also have
little ones and so from my point of view....I don't think you have to
be constantly exposing them to new stuff. Right now, in their young
lives, what I think (my kids) at least need exposure to is people, and
relationships, and with you with them, that is what they are getting.
Going to parks and beaches several times a week as well as a weekend
full of things to do....they very well may be happy with the down time
on the days that you are all home. I know if I did something every
day with my little ones, they would be cranky and over stimulated.
You could go someplace or do something every day, but that does not
mean it would be meaningful to them, or worth your effort.
Relax, as they get older, and see things on tv, or talk to others
about things, they will ask you about it. Let them lead you. I guess
if they are BEGGING you to go somewhere, you should probably try to do
it with them, but if not, just let them be little and have fun with
it. They have plenty of childhood left!
As I said, I am not too sure if this is the right view on it, as I
have only just (6 months) really gotten into the whole US way of
thinking/living, but those are my few cents.
Good luck, and enjoy
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jul 22, 2008, at 10:35 AM, Kelli Johnston wrote:
the things they do just hanging around the house! If you focus on
supporting them in having fun, you'll automatically support plenty of
learning!
If they don't seem to be energetically and enthusiastically enjoying
their lives, then THAT is a problem and you might need to jazz up your
home environment more. That happens to all of us, occasionally. To do
that, think of two approaches and do both - building on what you know
they already have enjoyed (if they like to paint, find new kinds of
paint, new ways to paint, etc.) and introduce them to new things that
they might not think of themselves (you might show them how to play a
new card game, for example).
Also, if your weekends are packed, as you said, remember that all
"counts" - they are learning all the time.
In fact, just try and stop them! <G>
-pam
> I think I am in a little panic that we *seemingly* aren't doingI think it sounds wonderful! Young children will learn so MUCH from
> anything. Maybe this is just one of those first steps in trusting
> that everything is going to be ok?Kelli
the things they do just hanging around the house! If you focus on
supporting them in having fun, you'll automatically support plenty of
learning!
If they don't seem to be energetically and enthusiastically enjoying
their lives, then THAT is a problem and you might need to jazz up your
home environment more. That happens to all of us, occasionally. To do
that, think of two approaches and do both - building on what you know
they already have enjoyed (if they like to paint, find new kinds of
paint, new ways to paint, etc.) and introduce them to new things that
they might not think of themselves (you might show them how to play a
new card game, for example).
Also, if your weekends are packed, as you said, remember that all
"counts" - they are learning all the time.
In fact, just try and stop them! <G>
-pam
Kelli Johnston
lol, well I am doing a bunch of things for me but I feel like I spend more times on those things than I do thinking about ways to enlighten my children.Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: carenkh@...: Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:01:57 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
What are YOU passionate about? What are YOU interested in? What getsyou out of bed in the morning? Are you happy to be alive? Are you alive?Caren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: carenkh@...: Tue, 22 Jul 2008 18:01:57 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
What are YOU passionate about? What are YOU interested in? What getsyou out of bed in the morning? Are you happy to be alive? Are you alive?Caren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
"My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing our
own thing most of the time."
"well I am doing a bunch of things for me but I feel like I spend more
times on those things than I do thinking about ways to enlighten my
children."
These two things, seen together, raised a little red flag for me. It's
hard for me to imagine 5 and 4 years olds rarely asking a parent to
join them. I know every child is different, with different needs - but
I'm wondering if you've always been available when they've asked? Or
have they just stopped asking, because they know you'll say no? My two
boys are vastly different in terms of their need for interaction, but
at that age, they both wanted me nearby, with my full presence. (not
on the phone, etc.)
It may be completely innocuous, but just seemed a little odd. It feels
disconnected to me.
Caren
own thing most of the time."
"well I am doing a bunch of things for me but I feel like I spend more
times on those things than I do thinking about ways to enlighten my
children."
These two things, seen together, raised a little red flag for me. It's
hard for me to imagine 5 and 4 years olds rarely asking a parent to
join them. I know every child is different, with different needs - but
I'm wondering if you've always been available when they've asked? Or
have they just stopped asking, because they know you'll say no? My two
boys are vastly different in terms of their need for interaction, but
at that age, they both wanted me nearby, with my full presence. (not
on the phone, etc.)
It may be completely innocuous, but just seemed a little odd. It feels
disconnected to me.
Caren
k
We just had a thread in one of the unschooling groups, not this one I don't
think. About this very thing.
In the past, I've not needed to spend as much time with Karl because he
found plenty to do and did a lot of playing all day. But things are
changing these days. He has begun to ask for more interaction. Not so much
with other kids but with *me*. This is not what he used to do, so I'm glad
for the change.
A little background: I grew up very isolated with not much to do beyond
reading and I'm used to spending a lot of time alone because it was
reinforced so much of my own childhood. If I wanted to go somewhere I knew
the answer was always great reluctance followed by -no- the standby. I quit
asking after a point.
Fast forward to today. I'm working on changing the habits I formed in
childhood. I'm very accustomed and even jealous of my time and attention.
So with that in mind, I've begun initiating more enthusiastically to do more
stuff that I think Karl would be interested in. After a couple of weeks,
he's started saying "come on" and lead me off onto one of his imaginary play
trips.
I think it's possible to dampen a child. For a person with firm habits of
introversion or that's just who a person is, concerted determination over
about a month can form different habits. At least when it comes to our
children, try becoming an extrovert or just being a little more extroverted.
Extroverts might have different changes to make. Karl's dad tends to do for
and suggest too much for Karl to do, and to be more insistent and take more
charge than I ever would. So while I don't have those problems to overcome,
I do have something I want to change about my relationship with my child.
~Katherine
think. About this very thing.
In the past, I've not needed to spend as much time with Karl because he
found plenty to do and did a lot of playing all day. But things are
changing these days. He has begun to ask for more interaction. Not so much
with other kids but with *me*. This is not what he used to do, so I'm glad
for the change.
A little background: I grew up very isolated with not much to do beyond
reading and I'm used to spending a lot of time alone because it was
reinforced so much of my own childhood. If I wanted to go somewhere I knew
the answer was always great reluctance followed by -no- the standby. I quit
asking after a point.
Fast forward to today. I'm working on changing the habits I formed in
childhood. I'm very accustomed and even jealous of my time and attention.
So with that in mind, I've begun initiating more enthusiastically to do more
stuff that I think Karl would be interested in. After a couple of weeks,
he's started saying "come on" and lead me off onto one of his imaginary play
trips.
I think it's possible to dampen a child. For a person with firm habits of
introversion or that's just who a person is, concerted determination over
about a month can form different habits. At least when it comes to our
children, try becoming an extrovert or just being a little more extroverted.
Extroverts might have different changes to make. Karl's dad tends to do for
and suggest too much for Karl to do, and to be more insistent and take more
charge than I ever would. So while I don't have those problems to overcome,
I do have something I want to change about my relationship with my child.
~Katherine
On 7/23/08, carenkh <carenkh@...> wrote:
>
> "My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing our
> own thing most of the time."
>
> "well I am doing a bunch of things for me but I feel like I spend more
> times on those things than I do thinking about ways to enlighten my
> children."
>
> These two things, seen together, raised a little red flag for me. It's
> hard for me to imagine 5 and 4 years olds rarely asking a parent to
> join them. I know every child is different, with different needs - but
> I'm wondering if you've always been available when they've asked? Or
> have they just stopped asking, because they know you'll say no? My two
> boys are vastly different in terms of their need for interaction, but
> at that age, they both wanted me nearby, with my full presence. (not
> on the phone, etc.)
>
> It may be completely innocuous, but just seemed a little odd. It feels
> disconnected to me.
>
> Caren
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Johnston
Thanks for all the help!
As for the below...I am not sure? I mean I think that in the past it was different. My son was diagnosed with autism and we went the early intervention route so honestly we were very disconnected not only because of the autism but because of the many hours that he was in "school" since he was two. This past year we have connected more but he still does a lot of playing on his own and recently he and his sister play for hours by themselves. They ask me for help with things and we have discussions while eating. I mean I am there physically around them but they just don't involve me in their play or activity much. I would say that i am working on having a better connection with them for sure but most of the time they just get annoyed when I involve myself. For instance, I am a painter so I always ask them if they want to hang out with me while I paint or paint with me (I give them their own canvas) but they aren't always interested.....I sit down with them and watch their movies or watch them on the computer. I guess I could just actively get more passively involved and see where that goes?
I do enjoy how independant they are as I am the type of person that loves when people are around but can feel deflated having a lot of interaction (guess I am an introvert). But I do want to make sure that they are growing up with a healthy exposure to life and learning. We are definitely going through some transitions. My son is slowly moving out of special ed. We have been having many therapists here throughout the week and a home "school year" full of mandatory worksheets and speech in the classroom. The times that we were free and not doing the above was the most relaxed and happiest times of last year. I have decided recently to take a break from all the therapists and just focus on us. There is a part of me that is really burnt out. I feel happy in my heart to be letting go of these therapies but also very scared that I am doing the "wrong" thing since it has been engraved into my brain that it is "what he needs" as a child on the spectrum. He is doing so so well in my eyes and was re-evaluated recently and they said he mostly like didn't have autism but some form of aspergers (probably mild). I am just ready to accept him for who he is and sick of "targeting" behavior like he is a trained seal. Though a lot of this has probably strained our relationship and I just want to find a way to feel comfortable in all of this.Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: carenkh@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:33:19 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
"My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing ourown thing most of the time.""well I am doing a bunch of things for me but I feel like I spend moretimes on those things than I do thinking about ways to enlighten mychildren."These two things, seen together, raised a little red flag for me. It'shard for me to imagine 5 and 4 years olds rarely asking a parent tojoin them. I know every child is different, with different needs - butI'm wondering if you've always been available when they've asked? Orhave they just stopped asking, because they know you'll say no? My twoboys are vastly different in terms of their need for interaction, butat that age, they both wanted me nearby, with my full presence. (noton the phone, etc.)It may be completely innocuous, but just seemed a little odd. It feelsdisconnected to me.Caren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
As for the below...I am not sure? I mean I think that in the past it was different. My son was diagnosed with autism and we went the early intervention route so honestly we were very disconnected not only because of the autism but because of the many hours that he was in "school" since he was two. This past year we have connected more but he still does a lot of playing on his own and recently he and his sister play for hours by themselves. They ask me for help with things and we have discussions while eating. I mean I am there physically around them but they just don't involve me in their play or activity much. I would say that i am working on having a better connection with them for sure but most of the time they just get annoyed when I involve myself. For instance, I am a painter so I always ask them if they want to hang out with me while I paint or paint with me (I give them their own canvas) but they aren't always interested.....I sit down with them and watch their movies or watch them on the computer. I guess I could just actively get more passively involved and see where that goes?
I do enjoy how independant they are as I am the type of person that loves when people are around but can feel deflated having a lot of interaction (guess I am an introvert). But I do want to make sure that they are growing up with a healthy exposure to life and learning. We are definitely going through some transitions. My son is slowly moving out of special ed. We have been having many therapists here throughout the week and a home "school year" full of mandatory worksheets and speech in the classroom. The times that we were free and not doing the above was the most relaxed and happiest times of last year. I have decided recently to take a break from all the therapists and just focus on us. There is a part of me that is really burnt out. I feel happy in my heart to be letting go of these therapies but also very scared that I am doing the "wrong" thing since it has been engraved into my brain that it is "what he needs" as a child on the spectrum. He is doing so so well in my eyes and was re-evaluated recently and they said he mostly like didn't have autism but some form of aspergers (probably mild). I am just ready to accept him for who he is and sick of "targeting" behavior like he is a trained seal. Though a lot of this has probably strained our relationship and I just want to find a way to feel comfortable in all of this.Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: carenkh@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:33:19 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
"My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing ourown thing most of the time.""well I am doing a bunch of things for me but I feel like I spend moretimes on those things than I do thinking about ways to enlighten mychildren."These two things, seen together, raised a little red flag for me. It'shard for me to imagine 5 and 4 years olds rarely asking a parent tojoin them. I know every child is different, with different needs - butI'm wondering if you've always been available when they've asked? Orhave they just stopped asking, because they know you'll say no? My twoboys are vastly different in terms of their need for interaction, butat that age, they both wanted me nearby, with my full presence. (noton the phone, etc.)It may be completely innocuous, but just seemed a little odd. It feelsdisconnected to me.Caren
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Johnston
Katherine, that is an interesting point. This has given me a lot to think about. I don't necessarily want to pretend I am someone I am not but at the same time don't want things to not happen just because the assumption is that I wouldn't be up for it. I guess there should be some middle ground? I don't really feel like I am saying "no" but because of our history in a way, my son's whole life was one big NO by avoidance or having to do other mandatory things. We have been doing a lot with them on the weekends because my husband is around and I feel like I have more help. I mean maybe that is enough in some ways. I just feel like since we are "homeschooling" we should be doing something more substantial but maybe that is more of me having to let go a bit of what I think school should be. I don't know anyone locally that is an unschooler...in fact there are very few secular homeschoolers at all. I don't really have a support system so I feel like I am taking a jump of a cliff here. Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: katherand@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:13:37 -0400Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
We just had a thread in one of the unschooling groups, not this one I don'tthink. About this very thing.In the past, I've not needed to spend as much time with Karl because hefound plenty to do and did a lot of playing all day. But things arechanging these days. He has begun to ask for more interaction. Not so muchwith other kids but with *me*. This is not what he used to do, so I'm gladfor the change.A little background: I grew up very isolated with not much to do beyondreading and I'm used to spending a lot of time alone because it wasreinforced so much of my own childhood. If I wanted to go somewhere I knewthe answer was always great reluctance followed by -no- the standby. I quitasking after a point.Fast forward to today. I'm working on changing the habits I formed inchildhood. I'm very accustomed and even jealous of my time and attention.So with that in mind, I've begun initiating more enthusiastically to do morestuff that I think Karl would be interested in. After a couple of weeks,he's started saying "come on" and lead me off onto one of his imaginary playtrips.I think it's possible to dampen a child. For a person with firm habits ofintroversion or that's just who a person is, concerted determination overabout a month can form different habits. At least when it comes to ourchildren, try becoming an extrovert or just being a little more extroverted.Extroverts might have different changes to make. Karl's dad tends to do forand suggest too much for Karl to do, and to be more insistent and take morecharge than I ever would. So while I don't have those problems to overcome,I do have something I want to change about my relationship with my child.~KatherineOn 7/23/08, carenkh <carenkh@...> wrote:>> "My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing our> own thing most of the time.">> "well I am doing a bunch of things for me but I feel like I spend more> times on those things than I do thinking about ways to enlighten my> children.">> These two things, seen together, raised a little red flag for me. It's> hard for me to imagine 5 and 4 years olds rarely asking a parent to> join them. I know every child is different, with different needs - but> I'm wondering if you've always been available when they've asked? Or> have they just stopped asking, because they know you'll say no? My two> boys are vastly different in terms of their need for interaction, but> at that age, they both wanted me nearby, with my full presence. (not> on the phone, etc.)>> It may be completely innocuous, but just seemed a little odd. It feels> disconnected to me.>> Caren>> >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: katherand@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:13:37 -0400Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
We just had a thread in one of the unschooling groups, not this one I don'tthink. About this very thing.In the past, I've not needed to spend as much time with Karl because hefound plenty to do and did a lot of playing all day. But things arechanging these days. He has begun to ask for more interaction. Not so muchwith other kids but with *me*. This is not what he used to do, so I'm gladfor the change.A little background: I grew up very isolated with not much to do beyondreading and I'm used to spending a lot of time alone because it wasreinforced so much of my own childhood. If I wanted to go somewhere I knewthe answer was always great reluctance followed by -no- the standby. I quitasking after a point.Fast forward to today. I'm working on changing the habits I formed inchildhood. I'm very accustomed and even jealous of my time and attention.So with that in mind, I've begun initiating more enthusiastically to do morestuff that I think Karl would be interested in. After a couple of weeks,he's started saying "come on" and lead me off onto one of his imaginary playtrips.I think it's possible to dampen a child. For a person with firm habits ofintroversion or that's just who a person is, concerted determination overabout a month can form different habits. At least when it comes to ourchildren, try becoming an extrovert or just being a little more extroverted.Extroverts might have different changes to make. Karl's dad tends to do forand suggest too much for Karl to do, and to be more insistent and take morecharge than I ever would. So while I don't have those problems to overcome,I do have something I want to change about my relationship with my child.~KatherineOn 7/23/08, carenkh <carenkh@...> wrote:>> "My kids rarely ask me to do anything with them so we are doing our> own thing most of the time.">> "well I am doing a bunch of things for me but I feel like I spend more> times on those things than I do thinking about ways to enlighten my> children.">> These two things, seen together, raised a little red flag for me. It's> hard for me to imagine 5 and 4 years olds rarely asking a parent to> join them. I know every child is different, with different needs - but> I'm wondering if you've always been available when they've asked? Or> have they just stopped asking, because they know you'll say no? My two> boys are vastly different in terms of their need for interaction, but> at that age, they both wanted me nearby, with my full presence. (not> on the phone, etc.)>> It may be completely innocuous, but just seemed a little odd. It feels> disconnected to me.>> Caren>> >[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
Hey. I know the feeling. Local people closeby enough to see about once a
week or thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us unschoolers.
We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been opting
for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people he's not yet
familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the first place... none
are his age or even close. It's pretty much girls and a couple of rough
older boys recently out of school were there last time.
Here's something I thought was very encouraging.... I like these emails I
get for the Daily Groove (Scott Noelle writes them). I thought this one was
apt for our discussion here about connecting more closely with our
children. Here he has reframed a typically negative idea into a very
different and positive context:
:: The Joy of Manipulation ::
The word *manipulate* means "to handle skillfully."
Since the main function of childhood is learning how
to handle life skillfully, a "manipulative" child is
only doing what comes naturally.
A good relationship is one in which both parties can
manipulate each other in ways they both enjoy. They
dance with one mind, like Fred Astaire and Ginger
Rogers. It's called *attunement*.
When you and your child are well-attuned, the
manipulation can be so subtle that all you notice is
the pleasure of your connection. But when you're
distracted or stressed, your child will escalate to
unsubtle, unpleasant cues like crying or whining --
whatever it takes to get your attention.
Conventional (adversarial) parenting advice says you
mustn't "give in" to such manipulation. The parent
"wins" when the child gives up hope.
When you understand that unpleasant manipulation is a
symptom of failed attunement, the path becomes clear:
* Align with your Self.
* Attune with your child.
* Focus on the pleasure of connecting.
* Everyone wins.
~Katherine
week or thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us unschoolers.
We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been opting
for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people he's not yet
familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the first place... none
are his age or even close. It's pretty much girls and a couple of rough
older boys recently out of school were there last time.
Here's something I thought was very encouraging.... I like these emails I
get for the Daily Groove (Scott Noelle writes them). I thought this one was
apt for our discussion here about connecting more closely with our
children. Here he has reframed a typically negative idea into a very
different and positive context:
:: The Joy of Manipulation ::
The word *manipulate* means "to handle skillfully."
Since the main function of childhood is learning how
to handle life skillfully, a "manipulative" child is
only doing what comes naturally.
A good relationship is one in which both parties can
manipulate each other in ways they both enjoy. They
dance with one mind, like Fred Astaire and Ginger
Rogers. It's called *attunement*.
When you and your child are well-attuned, the
manipulation can be so subtle that all you notice is
the pleasure of your connection. But when you're
distracted or stressed, your child will escalate to
unsubtle, unpleasant cues like crying or whining --
whatever it takes to get your attention.
Conventional (adversarial) parenting advice says you
mustn't "give in" to such manipulation. The parent
"wins" when the child gives up hope.
When you understand that unpleasant manipulation is a
symptom of failed attunement, the path becomes clear:
* Align with your Self.
* Attune with your child.
* Focus on the pleasure of connecting.
* Everyone wins.
~Katherine
On 7/23/08, Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
>>
>>
>> Katherine, that is an interesting point. This has given me a lot to think
>> about. I don't necessarily want to pretend I am someone I am not but at the
>> same time don't want things to not happen just because the assumption is
>> that I wouldn't be up for it. I guess there should be some middle ground? I
>> don't really feel like I am saying "no" but because of our history in a way,
>> my son's whole life was one big NO by avoidance or having to do other
>> mandatory things. We have been doing a lot with them on the weekends because
>> my husband is around and I feel like I have more help. I mean maybe that is
>> enough in some ways. I just feel like since we are "homeschooling" we should
>> be doing something more substantial but maybe that is more of me having to
>> let go a bit of what I think school should be. I don't know anyone locally
>> that is an unschooler...in fact there are very few secular homeschoolers at
>> all. I don't really have a support system so I feel like I am taking a jump
>> of a cliff here. Kelli
>>
>> EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOOD Join me
>>
>> To: [email protected]<unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.comFrom>:
>> katherand@... <katherand%40gmail.comDate>: Wed, 23 Jul 2008
>> 10:13:37 -0400Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
>>
>> We just had a thread in one of the unschooling groups, not this one I
>> don't think. About this very thing.In the past, I've not needed to spend as
>> much time with Karl because he found plenty to do and did a lot of playing
>> all day. But things are changing these days. He has begun to ask for more
>> interaction. Not so much with other kids but with *me*. This is not what he
>> used to do, so I'm glad for the change.A little background: I grew up very
>> isolated with not much to do beyond reading and I'm used to spending a lot
>> of time alone because it was reinforced so much of my own childhood. If I
>> wanted to go somewhere I knew the answer was always great reluctance
>> followed by -no- the standby. I quit asking after a point.Fast forward to
>> today. I'm working on changing the habits I formed in childhood. I'm very
>> accustomed and even jealous of my time and attention.So with that in mind,
>> I've begun initiating more enthusiastically to do more stuff that I think
>> Karl would be interested in. After a couple of weeks,he's started saying
>> "come on" and lead me off onto one of his imaginary play trips.I think it's
>> possible to dampen a child. For a person with firm habits of introversion or
>> that's just who a person is, concerted determination over about a month can
>> form different habits. At least when it comes to our children, try becoming
>> an extrovert or just being a little more extroverted.Extroverts might have
>> different changes to make. Karl's dad tends to do for and suggest too much
>> for Karl to do, and to be more insistent and take more charge than I ever
>> would. So while I don't have those problems to overcome,I do have something
>> I want to change about my relationship with my child.~Katherine
>>
>>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
One of the Wechts
< I just feel like since we are "homeschooling" we should be doing something
more substantial but maybe that is more of me having to let go a bit of what
I think school should be. I don't know anyone locally that is an
unschooler...in fact there are very few secular homeschoolers at all. I
don't really have a support system so I feel like I am taking a jump of a
cliff here. > Kelli
**************************************************************************************
Regarding that schooly self at work...
One thing that helped me with the transition was to first consider what the
kids would be doing in a traditional school setting.
In preschool/K, it would be colors and clay and "stations" and the field
trip to the fire station and the letter of the day and naps...
Any home setting could match this level of "education" without much effort.
Anything you do above and beyond is a bonus.
Now I admit that this is not a high standard to shoot for : ) and that is
NOT my point,
but maybe it will put it back into perspective a little.
Think of all the fun things that you all do, even on the weekends.
Maybe make a list. I bet it will impress you!
Now think of the decreased stress to their
little bodies and souls as they go about their day learning in freedom and
love.
How cool is that!
I didn't bring my kids out of school until my youngest was 5.
Now, 7+ years later, my kids are doing great!
You are way ahead of the game!
If you have not read John Holt and Frank Smith please do!
Beth in MD
Mom to 19yos, 16yos, 12yod
more substantial but maybe that is more of me having to let go a bit of what
I think school should be. I don't know anyone locally that is an
unschooler...in fact there are very few secular homeschoolers at all. I
don't really have a support system so I feel like I am taking a jump of a
cliff here. > Kelli
**************************************************************************************
Regarding that schooly self at work...
One thing that helped me with the transition was to first consider what the
kids would be doing in a traditional school setting.
In preschool/K, it would be colors and clay and "stations" and the field
trip to the fire station and the letter of the day and naps...
Any home setting could match this level of "education" without much effort.
Anything you do above and beyond is a bonus.
Now I admit that this is not a high standard to shoot for : ) and that is
NOT my point,
but maybe it will put it back into perspective a little.
Think of all the fun things that you all do, even on the weekends.
Maybe make a list. I bet it will impress you!
Now think of the decreased stress to their
little bodies and souls as they go about their day learning in freedom and
love.
How cool is that!
I didn't bring my kids out of school until my youngest was 5.
Now, 7+ years later, my kids are doing great!
You are way ahead of the game!
If you have not read John Holt and Frank Smith please do!
Beth in MD
Mom to 19yos, 16yos, 12yod
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jul 23, 2008, at 7:18 AM, Kelli Johnston wrote:
posts that you want so much to be a great mom to them and you're kind
of anxious about being that.
NOTHING is more important than your relationship, everything else
builds on that, so I really want to applaud your decision to focus on
developing a deeper connection - that's really important.
Targeting "behavior" - I'm guessing he's been subject to lots of
behavior modification techniques. It'll be hard for you to stop
thinking that way, but very very worth it. "Training" children, as if
they are pets, is not conducive to establishing strong and healthy
relationships between adults and children.
On the other hand, if the kids are happily playing together, that's
not the time to interfere in order to push your own agenda. Instead,
find ways to make the times you DO spend together really super filled
with joy.
You said you talk during meals - so maybe you can find some ways to
make meal times really a high point of the day. I get the feeling
you're just really not that much fun to be around - otherwise they'd
want to be involved with you more. It might be a little contrived, for
a while, but I'm thinking you could get a book of jokes and, at each
meal, you could tell jokes from the book. Get a book that has jokes
that are age appropriate - there are zillions of joke books out there.
Maybe you could rent some really great videos that you and the kids
would enjoy together - that joint experience is good for bonding.
Also, do they like to play little kid board games? You could get
CandyLand and Chutes and Ladders - really inexpensive games. Just
invite them to come play with you.
We used to have pattern blocks that sat out on the coffee table - my
husband and I would play with them and the kids would sometimes join
in and all of a sudden, there we'd be, having a really sweet parent-
child experience.
Sometimes you need to set the stage - sometimes you need props. But,
remember to start where you are right now - build on what IS working
well and slowly let more things develop naturally.
-pam
> There is a part of me that is really burnt out. I feel happy in myOh Kelli. My heart just goes out to you. I can tell from reading your
> heart to be letting go of these therapies but also very scared that
> I am doing the "wrong" thing since it has been engraved into my
> brain that it is "what he needs" as a child on the spectrum. He is
> doing so so well in my eyes and
> was re-evaluated recently and they said he mostly like didn't have
> autism but some form of aspergers (probably mild). I am just ready
> to accept him for who he is and sick of "targeting" behavior like he
> is a trained seal. Though a lot of this has probably strained our
> relationship and I just want to find a way to feel comfortable in
> all of this.Kelli
posts that you want so much to be a great mom to them and you're kind
of anxious about being that.
NOTHING is more important than your relationship, everything else
builds on that, so I really want to applaud your decision to focus on
developing a deeper connection - that's really important.
Targeting "behavior" - I'm guessing he's been subject to lots of
behavior modification techniques. It'll be hard for you to stop
thinking that way, but very very worth it. "Training" children, as if
they are pets, is not conducive to establishing strong and healthy
relationships between adults and children.
On the other hand, if the kids are happily playing together, that's
not the time to interfere in order to push your own agenda. Instead,
find ways to make the times you DO spend together really super filled
with joy.
You said you talk during meals - so maybe you can find some ways to
make meal times really a high point of the day. I get the feeling
you're just really not that much fun to be around - otherwise they'd
want to be involved with you more. It might be a little contrived, for
a while, but I'm thinking you could get a book of jokes and, at each
meal, you could tell jokes from the book. Get a book that has jokes
that are age appropriate - there are zillions of joke books out there.
Maybe you could rent some really great videos that you and the kids
would enjoy together - that joint experience is good for bonding.
Also, do they like to play little kid board games? You could get
CandyLand and Chutes and Ladders - really inexpensive games. Just
invite them to come play with you.
We used to have pattern blocks that sat out on the coffee table - my
husband and I would play with them and the kids would sometimes join
in and all of a sudden, there we'd be, having a really sweet parent-
child experience.
Sometimes you need to set the stage - sometimes you need props. But,
remember to start where you are right now - build on what IS working
well and slowly let more things develop naturally.
-pam
Pamela Sorooshian
I just wanted to mention that it is a challenge to develop and
maintain an unschooling group. It takes some level of commitment. I
did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really
craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY
week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like
doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we
recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held
the group together.
When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd get in the habit of
coming, most of the time, too. So there was usually a group - and, in
particular, the kids my kids especially liked to play with would come
more often since they knew mine would for sure be there.
But what I saw over the years was that a family would come once or
twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they wouldn't come back.
It often happened that the kid they might have really clicked with
wasn't there that day so they never got a chance to meet. Or they'd
notice there weren't other kids of their child's gender and age, and
they'd be disappointed and not come back. Sometimes they'd come
sporadically - but there would be weeks in between those times. The
kids would never really connect with the other kids and they'd stop
coming, eventually.
When people kept on coming, the kids eventually would become part of
the ongoing games that were played every week and over time they'd
click more and more and maybe make some special friends. It is always
a little hard to "break into" a group that has been meeting together
for a long time. If someone would just come back every week, for
several weeks in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more
comfortable.
Some people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One
girl wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing
different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids -
I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little
kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give
them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These
days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to
socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.
My youngest daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with
- these are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park
day, too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys
from 15 to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial
arts, go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very
happy with her social life.
It really took work and commitment to create and maintain a group that
worked for us. But it also took an open mind and a willingness to
entirely drop all age and gender expectations.
Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that ongoing social
group - it was a really significant part of their lives. The third one
enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much. So it was worth it to
me to be someone who really nurtured the group.
-pam
maintain an unschooling group. It takes some level of commitment. I
did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really
craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY
week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like
doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we
recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held
the group together.
When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd get in the habit of
coming, most of the time, too. So there was usually a group - and, in
particular, the kids my kids especially liked to play with would come
more often since they knew mine would for sure be there.
But what I saw over the years was that a family would come once or
twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they wouldn't come back.
It often happened that the kid they might have really clicked with
wasn't there that day so they never got a chance to meet. Or they'd
notice there weren't other kids of their child's gender and age, and
they'd be disappointed and not come back. Sometimes they'd come
sporadically - but there would be weeks in between those times. The
kids would never really connect with the other kids and they'd stop
coming, eventually.
When people kept on coming, the kids eventually would become part of
the ongoing games that were played every week and over time they'd
click more and more and maybe make some special friends. It is always
a little hard to "break into" a group that has been meeting together
for a long time. If someone would just come back every week, for
several weeks in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more
comfortable.
Some people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One
girl wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing
different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids -
I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little
kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give
them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These
days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to
socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.
My youngest daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with
- these are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park
day, too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys
from 15 to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial
arts, go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very
happy with her social life.
It really took work and commitment to create and maintain a group that
worked for us. But it also took an open mind and a willingness to
entirely drop all age and gender expectations.
Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that ongoing social
group - it was a really significant part of their lives. The third one
enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much. So it was worth it to
me to be someone who really nurtured the group.
-pam
On Jul 23, 2008, at 7:39 AM, k wrote:
> Hey. I know the feeling. Local people closeby enough to see about
> once a
> week or thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us
> unschoolers.
> We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been
> opting
> for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people he's not yet
> familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the first place...
> none
> are his age or even close. It's pretty much girls and a couple of
> rough
> older boys recently out of school were there last time.
Natalie
I am going through the same thing. I come in and out of it. I don't
feel motivated to do anything and I would much rather stay home then
go anywhere. And eventhough I am pregnant with my third, I don't have
the energy, it is too hot outside, going anywhere bymyself with
spirited 5 yr old and very strong minded almost 2 yr old and pregnant
is very hard for me. I too wait for my partner to do bug outings, and
having the company feels really good. I have noticed for me that when
I am feeling down on myself or lonely I get this way. Right now I am
emotional and harmonal it is a little crazy, but it still happened
even when I wasn't pregnant. There aren't unschoolers that are at
arms reach and we have lived here for a year and so our, my cirlce is
still being established. It is a slow process. I trust it will all be
ok.
I don't know if this is making any sense..pregnant brain..lol
but when my energy is heavy everything around me is heavy then I
start to 2nd guess what I am doing from the influences I do have
around me. But when I am able to release that energy, it does clear
up for me and I am more motivated to do things. I find it easier to
release when I surrender to the feelings rather then being hard on
myself about it.
Be gentle with yourself and find your compassion for yourself as
well. Sounds like a lot has happended this past year and maybe from
having to do so much of what you didn't want to do, maybe you are
rebelling, and maybe that is just what you need to do. Try to give
yourself the permission to be here. Not having support really can
unmotivate me as well. But I had reach out, and that is what you are
doing now, reaching out.
If your children are so zoned into what they are doing that sounds
awsome to me. And maybe when you paint don't invite them, just paint
for yourself and see what happens..
Do you have close women friends around you..Maybe there are needs
that you have for yourself that aren't being met as well. I feel like
I am a better mother when I am a better woman. That is what works for
me.
Take care.
Natalie
--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston
<KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
They are pretty young still (5 & 4). We get out to the beach and the
park a couple times a week but other than that we stay home most of
the day. Our weekends are pretty packed so once the week rolls
around, I feel pretty tired and unmotivated! I know that the kids are
learning a lot doing what they are doing (mostly imaginary play,
drawing/painting, playing in the yard, watching tv, and using the
computer) but I feel like I should be exposing them more to stuff
outside of the house (museums, parks, hikes, etc) or having more
materials around the house that could spark interest. I keep thinking
that today is the day that I will motivate or even trying to schedule
myself but I find myself rebelling against myself, lol. Anyone have
any suggestions? Should I just let it be and de-school for a while
(my 5 year old was on a curriculum last year which was stressful for
all of us) or push myself until it feels more natural? I am not
talking about forcing anything on them...just offering more options
than what is immediately in front of them that they are aware of.Kelli
feel motivated to do anything and I would much rather stay home then
go anywhere. And eventhough I am pregnant with my third, I don't have
the energy, it is too hot outside, going anywhere bymyself with
spirited 5 yr old and very strong minded almost 2 yr old and pregnant
is very hard for me. I too wait for my partner to do bug outings, and
having the company feels really good. I have noticed for me that when
I am feeling down on myself or lonely I get this way. Right now I am
emotional and harmonal it is a little crazy, but it still happened
even when I wasn't pregnant. There aren't unschoolers that are at
arms reach and we have lived here for a year and so our, my cirlce is
still being established. It is a slow process. I trust it will all be
ok.
I don't know if this is making any sense..pregnant brain..lol
but when my energy is heavy everything around me is heavy then I
start to 2nd guess what I am doing from the influences I do have
around me. But when I am able to release that energy, it does clear
up for me and I am more motivated to do things. I find it easier to
release when I surrender to the feelings rather then being hard on
myself about it.
Be gentle with yourself and find your compassion for yourself as
well. Sounds like a lot has happended this past year and maybe from
having to do so much of what you didn't want to do, maybe you are
rebelling, and maybe that is just what you need to do. Try to give
yourself the permission to be here. Not having support really can
unmotivate me as well. But I had reach out, and that is what you are
doing now, reaching out.
If your children are so zoned into what they are doing that sounds
awsome to me. And maybe when you paint don't invite them, just paint
for yourself and see what happens..
Do you have close women friends around you..Maybe there are needs
that you have for yourself that aren't being met as well. I feel like
I am a better mother when I am a better woman. That is what works for
me.
Take care.
Natalie
--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston
<KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
>motivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids.
>
> Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to get
They are pretty young still (5 & 4). We get out to the beach and the
park a couple times a week but other than that we stay home most of
the day. Our weekends are pretty packed so once the week rolls
around, I feel pretty tired and unmotivated! I know that the kids are
learning a lot doing what they are doing (mostly imaginary play,
drawing/painting, playing in the yard, watching tv, and using the
computer) but I feel like I should be exposing them more to stuff
outside of the house (museums, parks, hikes, etc) or having more
materials around the house that could spark interest. I keep thinking
that today is the day that I will motivate or even trying to schedule
myself but I find myself rebelling against myself, lol. Anyone have
any suggestions? Should I just let it be and de-school for a while
(my 5 year old was on a curriculum last year which was stressful for
all of us) or push myself until it feels more natural? I am not
talking about forcing anything on them...just offering more options
than what is immediately in front of them that they are aware of.Kelli
>
>
>
> EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
lyeping2607
Hi Kelli,
My nearly 8 yrs old son is also on the spectrum- asperger, on the
mild side. When we first started homeschooling 18 months ago, we
went to every activity, every musuem visit, every homeschooling
social group. Me and son were really enthusiatic about it, until few
months later, son had enough and started resisting going anywhere.
As for me, I was too worried about slacking, and insist on keeping
the schedule. After a while, it was no longer fun and it became a
burden having to convince son to go anywhere, I was still trying to
gather enough energy to organise this, and planning that. In truth,
i was struggling to come up with new ideas, trying to entice son
with this new place or that new activity. Everything just seems
harder when you're planning something, and the other party is just
not responding!!! I had no choice but to let go because I just burnt
out-no more enthusiam left!and I gave in. It was so easy to just
give in and not do anything or any schedule at all. We even stop
looking at the clock!
Then I realised life is so much easier and happier if I just do what
I want. Then I realised that my son was just as happy, being left to
his own device. So nowadays, me and son spend most of our days at
home, minding our own business. I do my things like check my emails,
read my books/ magazines, cook meals, clean house, on the phone etc
etc etc. He's mostly on his computer games, on the net, watching tv,
playing PS2, playing lego/ bionicle/ transformer. Occasionally he
decides he fancy cake, so we'll bake a cake. Occasionally he decides
that he wants to play with "a" friend, so we'll phone some friends
to arrange for some play dates. Sometimes, i suggest a swim, so
we'll drive to the nearby community pool. On the rare occasion, we
might go swimming twice a week just because we feel like it, or like
last week, we've decided we're gonna watch Kung Fu Panda on Monday,
then Indiana Jones on Tuesday. We can go on for weeks, not leaving
the house for any meeting or activities or meeting anyone, other
than just our daily walk for fresh air. Currently we have drop out
from most of our HEing group activities (we used to attend about 2
per week with different groups) to only 2 a month.
I do suggest things to do, but only when I feel like it. So this
way, I'll enjoy doing it, but if son doesn't want to, that's fine
with me too. Son do suggest things to do too, like visiting ToyRUss
LOL!. We give ourselves the excuse (me to get a new book, son to use
the community computer despite the fact we have 2 laptops and 1
desktop at home!!) to visit the library everyday, for the library is
really just a few blocks away from our house. Or we'll walk a little
bit further to the supermart and buy ourselves a little treat-ice
cream, magazine, a cupcake. But whatever it is, there has to be some
incentive to either party.
This week, it's today Wednesday, and we've never ventured out of the
house since Sunday. This is because son had a friend sleeping over
last weekend, which meant we spend the weekend doing alot
of "outdoor" things that we don't normally do, so we're kinda re-
cuperating. I'll have to say we stand more chance doing something
outdoorsy during the weekend when hubby is around.
Even tho me and son is on parellel existance, going about our own
activities, we do constantly connect. I'm connecting by sitting next
to him when he plays his playstation or watching tv with me reading
my book. We're connecting when he shows me what lego set he build.
We're connecting when I've put the Abba on for the 10th time and
he's telling me he's sick of listening to it since this morning LOL!
Son suggest a different song, so he logs into his list of favourite
YouTube movies and plays one of the movie for me to listen to. Lots
of connectiion going on, and quite alot of it is not verbal. I paint
but son don't because he deosn't like the feels of paint on his
fingers, so he'll give me a nonstop running commentary of why he
hates the feel of the paint, so that's fine with me. But he loves
playdough, so he'll explain what he likes about playdough. We makes
our own playdough quite often. But we both like doing his pc lessons
together, him typing and me on "calculator standby duty", just
incase we come across a multiplication that he doesn't know.
You're saying-do you wait for the enthusiasm to happen naturally?
Absolutely! I've learnt that everything will become easier and more
enjoyable when everyone is happy doing it.
As for my aspie kid, i find that alot of of his learning is of
asyncrony, meaning somethings that he should have been aware of
years ago, is only making sense now, like learning to stand in a
queue, because he nows understand the purpose of it. So it wasn't
fair to push him to do things that he wasn't ready for. Perhaps it
might be of the same nature for your kid. So, don't worry about not
exposing them to lots of things. You have plenty of time to do it,
when they TELL you they are ready for it.
So for now, maybe time to conserve your energy and enthusiam for the
time when you need it most- when your children decides they wants
more. So for now, perhaps an opportunity to just be by their side,
observing what might make them tick? Or indulge yourself, do
something you like, alongside your children who seems so happy and
content doing what they are doing.
Hope I'm of help. All the best deschooling/ unschooling.
With best regards,
SharonC.
My nearly 8 yrs old son is also on the spectrum- asperger, on the
mild side. When we first started homeschooling 18 months ago, we
went to every activity, every musuem visit, every homeschooling
social group. Me and son were really enthusiatic about it, until few
months later, son had enough and started resisting going anywhere.
As for me, I was too worried about slacking, and insist on keeping
the schedule. After a while, it was no longer fun and it became a
burden having to convince son to go anywhere, I was still trying to
gather enough energy to organise this, and planning that. In truth,
i was struggling to come up with new ideas, trying to entice son
with this new place or that new activity. Everything just seems
harder when you're planning something, and the other party is just
not responding!!! I had no choice but to let go because I just burnt
out-no more enthusiam left!and I gave in. It was so easy to just
give in and not do anything or any schedule at all. We even stop
looking at the clock!
Then I realised life is so much easier and happier if I just do what
I want. Then I realised that my son was just as happy, being left to
his own device. So nowadays, me and son spend most of our days at
home, minding our own business. I do my things like check my emails,
read my books/ magazines, cook meals, clean house, on the phone etc
etc etc. He's mostly on his computer games, on the net, watching tv,
playing PS2, playing lego/ bionicle/ transformer. Occasionally he
decides he fancy cake, so we'll bake a cake. Occasionally he decides
that he wants to play with "a" friend, so we'll phone some friends
to arrange for some play dates. Sometimes, i suggest a swim, so
we'll drive to the nearby community pool. On the rare occasion, we
might go swimming twice a week just because we feel like it, or like
last week, we've decided we're gonna watch Kung Fu Panda on Monday,
then Indiana Jones on Tuesday. We can go on for weeks, not leaving
the house for any meeting or activities or meeting anyone, other
than just our daily walk for fresh air. Currently we have drop out
from most of our HEing group activities (we used to attend about 2
per week with different groups) to only 2 a month.
I do suggest things to do, but only when I feel like it. So this
way, I'll enjoy doing it, but if son doesn't want to, that's fine
with me too. Son do suggest things to do too, like visiting ToyRUss
LOL!. We give ourselves the excuse (me to get a new book, son to use
the community computer despite the fact we have 2 laptops and 1
desktop at home!!) to visit the library everyday, for the library is
really just a few blocks away from our house. Or we'll walk a little
bit further to the supermart and buy ourselves a little treat-ice
cream, magazine, a cupcake. But whatever it is, there has to be some
incentive to either party.
This week, it's today Wednesday, and we've never ventured out of the
house since Sunday. This is because son had a friend sleeping over
last weekend, which meant we spend the weekend doing alot
of "outdoor" things that we don't normally do, so we're kinda re-
cuperating. I'll have to say we stand more chance doing something
outdoorsy during the weekend when hubby is around.
Even tho me and son is on parellel existance, going about our own
activities, we do constantly connect. I'm connecting by sitting next
to him when he plays his playstation or watching tv with me reading
my book. We're connecting when he shows me what lego set he build.
We're connecting when I've put the Abba on for the 10th time and
he's telling me he's sick of listening to it since this morning LOL!
Son suggest a different song, so he logs into his list of favourite
YouTube movies and plays one of the movie for me to listen to. Lots
of connectiion going on, and quite alot of it is not verbal. I paint
but son don't because he deosn't like the feels of paint on his
fingers, so he'll give me a nonstop running commentary of why he
hates the feel of the paint, so that's fine with me. But he loves
playdough, so he'll explain what he likes about playdough. We makes
our own playdough quite often. But we both like doing his pc lessons
together, him typing and me on "calculator standby duty", just
incase we come across a multiplication that he doesn't know.
You're saying-do you wait for the enthusiasm to happen naturally?
Absolutely! I've learnt that everything will become easier and more
enjoyable when everyone is happy doing it.
As for my aspie kid, i find that alot of of his learning is of
asyncrony, meaning somethings that he should have been aware of
years ago, is only making sense now, like learning to stand in a
queue, because he nows understand the purpose of it. So it wasn't
fair to push him to do things that he wasn't ready for. Perhaps it
might be of the same nature for your kid. So, don't worry about not
exposing them to lots of things. You have plenty of time to do it,
when they TELL you they are ready for it.
So for now, maybe time to conserve your energy and enthusiam for the
time when you need it most- when your children decides they wants
more. So for now, perhaps an opportunity to just be by their side,
observing what might make them tick? Or indulge yourself, do
something you like, alongside your children who seems so happy and
content doing what they are doing.
Hope I'm of help. All the best deschooling/ unschooling.
With best regards,
SharonC.
k
Hi Pam. I didn't realize until the end of your post that part of an earlier
post of mine was a takeoff point. I've heard how this is similar for alot
of unschoolers, and I know I'm not the only one who goes through this
stuff. What you wrote is for many people trying to help their children
develop happy social outlets, and it sure applies to a lot more people than
just me.
Anyway as I read it I thought.... wow, just what I needed to hear and
confirm for myself. Thanks. I know that things will look brighter if we
just keep it up.
I went to park day today. I have tried to carefully -strategically- plan
when and how I encourage Karl to branch out more. He is a mixture of
extrovert / introvert, like most of us. When he was younger he was ever so
much more extroverted than he is now, and in the last couple of years he's
had some pretty serious setbacks... shocks about people Karl considered to
be friends or potential friends. Since his dad and I were separated for
well over a year, I wasn't around for a lot of what went down. Lots of
babysitters and babysitter's children. So there's recovery or is it just
new ground to open up?
One other practical reason I haven't gone every single week is our car
doesn't have air and it's so hot to drive for something like 45 minutes one
way to the park. Not only was Karl trying to contain nervousness but he was
just miserably hot. Thankfully there's plenty of shade at the park, but the
heat sort of took it out of him before he even arrived. I don't think he
felt his best. But there was two other boys there as well as a girl his age
who had been there when we went last month.
So I feel more hopeful. I do feel a bit concerned though about a snippet
I've heard twice now in our group. A comment about teenage boys and girls
at an overnight church camp/cabin outing. I don't know if this means that
in some people's opinion, girls and boys aren't supposed to be friends or if
they're not to be trusted off by themselves or what. I'm wondering if it
portends something I don't want or if there's anything I can gently say or
query on about it. I don't feel like I know enough to know what to ask
really. We hardly can say we know each other.
~Katherine
post of mine was a takeoff point. I've heard how this is similar for alot
of unschoolers, and I know I'm not the only one who goes through this
stuff. What you wrote is for many people trying to help their children
develop happy social outlets, and it sure applies to a lot more people than
just me.
Anyway as I read it I thought.... wow, just what I needed to hear and
confirm for myself. Thanks. I know that things will look brighter if we
just keep it up.
I went to park day today. I have tried to carefully -strategically- plan
when and how I encourage Karl to branch out more. He is a mixture of
extrovert / introvert, like most of us. When he was younger he was ever so
much more extroverted than he is now, and in the last couple of years he's
had some pretty serious setbacks... shocks about people Karl considered to
be friends or potential friends. Since his dad and I were separated for
well over a year, I wasn't around for a lot of what went down. Lots of
babysitters and babysitter's children. So there's recovery or is it just
new ground to open up?
One other practical reason I haven't gone every single week is our car
doesn't have air and it's so hot to drive for something like 45 minutes one
way to the park. Not only was Karl trying to contain nervousness but he was
just miserably hot. Thankfully there's plenty of shade at the park, but the
heat sort of took it out of him before he even arrived. I don't think he
felt his best. But there was two other boys there as well as a girl his age
who had been there when we went last month.
So I feel more hopeful. I do feel a bit concerned though about a snippet
I've heard twice now in our group. A comment about teenage boys and girls
at an overnight church camp/cabin outing. I don't know if this means that
in some people's opinion, girls and boys aren't supposed to be friends or if
they're not to be trusted off by themselves or what. I'm wondering if it
portends something I don't want or if there's anything I can gently say or
query on about it. I don't feel like I know enough to know what to ask
really. We hardly can say we know each other.
~Katherine
On 7/23/08, Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
> I just wanted to mention that it is a challenge to develop and
> maintain an unschooling group. It takes some level of commitment. I
> did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really
> craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY
> week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like
> doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we
> recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held
> the group together.
>
> When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd get in the habit of
> coming, most of the time, too. So there was usually a group - and, in
> particular, the kids my kids especially liked to play with would come
> more often since they knew mine would for sure be there.
>
> But what I saw over the years was that a family would come once or
> twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they wouldn't come back.
> It often happened that the kid they might have really clicked with
> wasn't there that day so they never got a chance to meet. Or they'd
> notice there weren't other kids of their child's gender and age, and
> they'd be disappointed and not come back. Sometimes they'd come
> sporadically - but there would be weeks in between those times. The
> kids would never really connect with the other kids and they'd stop
> coming, eventually.
>
> When people kept on coming, the kids eventually would become part of
> the ongoing games that were played every week and over time they'd
> click more and more and maybe make some special friends. It is always
> a little hard to "break into" a group that has been meeting together
> for a long time. If someone would just come back every week, for
> several weeks in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more
> comfortable.
>
> Some people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One
> girl wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing
> different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids -
> I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little
> kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give
> them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These
> days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to
> socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.
>
> My youngest daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with
> - these are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park
> day, too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys
> from 15 to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial
> arts, go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very
> happy with her social life.
>
> It really took work and commitment to create and maintain a group that
> worked for us. But it also took an open mind and a willingness to
> entirely drop all age and gender expectations.
>
> Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that ongoing social
> group - it was a really significant part of their lives. The third one
> enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much. So it was worth it to
> me to be someone who really nurtured the group.
>
> -pam
>
> On Jul 23, 2008, at 7:39 AM, k wrote:
>
> > Hey. I know the feeling. Local people closeby enough to see about
> > once a
> > week or thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us
> > unschoolers.
> > We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been
> > opting
> > for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people he's not yet
> > familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the first place...
> > none
> > are his age or even close. It's pretty much girls and a couple of
> > rough
> > older boys recently out of school were there last time.
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Johnston
Thanks Natalie :) I do have some friends but I am noticing that the few close friends I have are sorta feeling more and more distant because of the school thing. They are sending their children to school this coming year so we are very much in different places and very much involved in the reward type parenting. I think you might be right about rebelling. I feel like even though I am comfortable in my heart and even intellectually with unschooling, it is really isolating me from the world. I sometimes get concerned that it is somehow an unhealthy thing to be going in this direction....like somehow I am purposely finding something that will make me so different from everyone else that I don't have to deal with anyone, lol. I guess this would be more realistic if unschooling was less kindness and more danger :).Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: mothers_dance@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:32:19 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
I am going through the same thing. I come in and out of it. I don't feel motivated to do anything and I would much rather stay home then go anywhere. And eventhough I am pregnant with my third, I don't have the energy, it is too hot outside, going anywhere bymyself with spirited 5 yr old and very strong minded almost 2 yr old and pregnant is very hard for me. I too wait for my partner to do bug outings, and having the company feels really good. I have noticed for me that when I am feeling down on myself or lonely I get this way. Right now I am emotional and harmonal it is a little crazy, but it still happened even when I wasn't pregnant. There aren't unschoolers that are at arms reach and we have lived here for a year and so our, my cirlce is still being established. It is a slow process. I trust it will all be ok. I don't know if this is making any sense..pregnant brain..lolbut when my energy is heavy everything around me is heavy then I start to 2nd guess what I am doing from the influences I do have around me. But when I am able to release that energy, it does clear up for me and I am more motivated to do things. I find it easier to release when I surrender to the feelings rather then being hard on myself about it. Be gentle with yourself and find your compassion for yourself as well. Sounds like a lot has happended this past year and maybe from having to do so much of what you didn't want to do, maybe you are rebelling, and maybe that is just what you need to do. Try to give yourself the permission to be here. Not having support really can unmotivate me as well. But I had reach out, and that is what you are doing now, reaching out. If your children are so zoned into what they are doing that sounds awsome to me. And maybe when you paint don't invite them, just paint for yourself and see what happens..Do you have close women friends around you..Maybe there are needs that you have for yourself that aren't being met as well. I feel like I am a better mother when I am a better woman. That is what works for me. Take care.Natalie--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:>> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to get motivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids. They are pretty young still (5 & 4). We get out to the beach and the park a couple times a week but other than that we stay home most of the day. Our weekends are pretty packed so once the week rolls around, I feel pretty tired and unmotivated! I know that the kids are learning a lot doing what they are doing (mostly imaginary play, drawing/painting, playing in the yard, watching tv, and using the computer) but I feel like I should be exposing them more to stuff outside of the house (museums, parks, hikes, etc) or having more materials around the house that could spark interest. I keep thinking that today is the day that I will motivate or even trying to schedule myself but I find myself rebelling against myself, lol. Anyone have any suggestions? Should I just let it be and de-school for a while (my 5 year old was on a curriculum last year which was stressful for all of us) or push myself until it feels more natural? I am not talking about forcing anything on them...just offering more options than what is immediately in front of them that they are aware of.Kelli> > > > EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: mothers_dance@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:32:19 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
I am going through the same thing. I come in and out of it. I don't feel motivated to do anything and I would much rather stay home then go anywhere. And eventhough I am pregnant with my third, I don't have the energy, it is too hot outside, going anywhere bymyself with spirited 5 yr old and very strong minded almost 2 yr old and pregnant is very hard for me. I too wait for my partner to do bug outings, and having the company feels really good. I have noticed for me that when I am feeling down on myself or lonely I get this way. Right now I am emotional and harmonal it is a little crazy, but it still happened even when I wasn't pregnant. There aren't unschoolers that are at arms reach and we have lived here for a year and so our, my cirlce is still being established. It is a slow process. I trust it will all be ok. I don't know if this is making any sense..pregnant brain..lolbut when my energy is heavy everything around me is heavy then I start to 2nd guess what I am doing from the influences I do have around me. But when I am able to release that energy, it does clear up for me and I am more motivated to do things. I find it easier to release when I surrender to the feelings rather then being hard on myself about it. Be gentle with yourself and find your compassion for yourself as well. Sounds like a lot has happended this past year and maybe from having to do so much of what you didn't want to do, maybe you are rebelling, and maybe that is just what you need to do. Try to give yourself the permission to be here. Not having support really can unmotivate me as well. But I had reach out, and that is what you are doing now, reaching out. If your children are so zoned into what they are doing that sounds awsome to me. And maybe when you paint don't invite them, just paint for yourself and see what happens..Do you have close women friends around you..Maybe there are needs that you have for yourself that aren't being met as well. I feel like I am a better mother when I am a better woman. That is what works for me. Take care.Natalie--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:>> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on how to get motivated to create an exciting educational environment for my kids. They are pretty young still (5 & 4). We get out to the beach and the park a couple times a week but other than that we stay home most of the day. Our weekends are pretty packed so once the week rolls around, I feel pretty tired and unmotivated! I know that the kids are learning a lot doing what they are doing (mostly imaginary play, drawing/painting, playing in the yard, watching tv, and using the computer) but I feel like I should be exposing them more to stuff outside of the house (museums, parks, hikes, etc) or having more materials around the house that could spark interest. I keep thinking that today is the day that I will motivate or even trying to schedule myself but I find myself rebelling against myself, lol. Anyone have any suggestions? Should I just let it be and de-school for a while (my 5 year old was on a curriculum last year which was stressful for all of us) or push myself until it feels more natural? I am not talking about forcing anything on them...just offering more options than what is immediately in front of them that they are aware of.Kelli> > > > EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelli Johnston
This was very motivating for me. I really need to find a good homeschooling group for us and stick to it. I have had some bad experiences with groups that has made it very difficult to motivate, lol. Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: pamsoroosh@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:46:04 -0700Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Developing an unschooling group - was Re: feeling unmotivated
I just wanted to mention that it is a challenge to develop and maintain an unschooling group. It takes some level of commitment. I did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held the group together.When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd get in the habit of coming, most of the time, too. So there was usually a group - and, in particular, the kids my kids especially liked to play with would come more often since they knew mine would for sure be there.But what I saw over the years was that a family would come once or twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they wouldn't come back. It often happened that the kid they might have really clicked with wasn't there that day so they never got a chance to meet. Or they'd notice there weren't other kids of their child's gender and age, and they'd be disappointed and not come back. Sometimes they'd come sporadically - but there would be weeks in between those times. The kids would never really connect with the other kids and they'd stop coming, eventually.When people kept on coming, the kids eventually would become part of the ongoing games that were played every week and over time they'd click more and more and maybe make some special friends. It is always a little hard to "break into" a group that has been meeting together for a long time. If someone would just come back every week, for several weeks in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more comfortable.Some people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One girl wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids - I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.My youngest daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with - these are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park day, too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys from 15 to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial arts, go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very happy with her social life.It really took work and commitment to create and maintain a group that worked for us. But it also took an open mind and a willingness to entirely drop all age and gender expectations.Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that ongoing social group - it was a really significant part of their lives. The third one enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much. So it was worth it to me to be someone who really nurtured the group.-pamOn Jul 23, 2008, at 7:39 AM, k wrote:> Hey. I know the feeling. Local people closeby enough to see about > once a> week or thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us > unschoolers.> We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been > opting> for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people he's not yet> familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the first place... > none> are his age or even close. It's pretty much girls and a couple of > rough> older boys recently out of school were there last time.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: pamsoroosh@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:46:04 -0700Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Developing an unschooling group - was Re: feeling unmotivated
I just wanted to mention that it is a challenge to develop and maintain an unschooling group. It takes some level of commitment. I did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held the group together.When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd get in the habit of coming, most of the time, too. So there was usually a group - and, in particular, the kids my kids especially liked to play with would come more often since they knew mine would for sure be there.But what I saw over the years was that a family would come once or twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they wouldn't come back. It often happened that the kid they might have really clicked with wasn't there that day so they never got a chance to meet. Or they'd notice there weren't other kids of their child's gender and age, and they'd be disappointed and not come back. Sometimes they'd come sporadically - but there would be weeks in between those times. The kids would never really connect with the other kids and they'd stop coming, eventually.When people kept on coming, the kids eventually would become part of the ongoing games that were played every week and over time they'd click more and more and maybe make some special friends. It is always a little hard to "break into" a group that has been meeting together for a long time. If someone would just come back every week, for several weeks in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more comfortable.Some people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One girl wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids - I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.My youngest daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with - these are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park day, too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys from 15 to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial arts, go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very happy with her social life.It really took work and commitment to create and maintain a group that worked for us. But it also took an open mind and a willingness to entirely drop all age and gender expectations.Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that ongoing social group - it was a really significant part of their lives. The third one enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much. So it was worth it to me to be someone who really nurtured the group.-pamOn Jul 23, 2008, at 7:39 AM, k wrote:> Hey. I know the feeling. Local people closeby enough to see about > once a> week or thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us > unschoolers.> We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been > opting> for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people he's not yet> familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the first place... > none> are his age or even close. It's pretty much girls and a couple of > rough> older boys recently out of school were there last time.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Natalie Picone-Louro
< I feel like even though I am comfortable in my heart and even intellectually with unschooling, it is really isolating me from the world. I sometimes get concerned that it is somehow an unhealthy thing to be going in this direction>
I so can relate to this. I hate feeling isolated. I like being apart of what goes on in the world around me. I like to think it is apart of me as well. The I realize how different I am from alot of it and how different it is from me and my family. It is all part of the process though, detatching ourselves to what we thought we were or are supposed to be doing, hanging out with, involved in....and so on. It feels so much better to be and feel safe and just do what is known and accepted. Coming from a family of needing their acceptance all the time I found myslef having a very hard time transitioning to this lifestyle because people around me didn't accept it or me b/c of it. I got caught up in it. And I wanted to be included, not excluded. I felt isolated and it scared me..I too felt this may be unhealthy..that is the deschooling.
Then the better part of me who was bold and ballsy (sp?) and didn't give a shit what others thought, I became empowered...Quite honestly now I am feeling empowered again talking baout it with you..b/c I am in the same place. I was sitting in my thoughts that can over power me which isn't good but as soon as I express them I was able to release them and be empowered once again. Thank you for that gift. thank you for reminding me.
Like you siad you feel it in your heart and you trust that it is right...living outside the box from mainstreem can be scary and isolating, it may feel this way for a while. Trust your choices and try to surround yourself with people that support you and not judge you. Establish your own community...go to conferences and be with your new family..That is what it feels like to me, my chosen family.
Lovingly, Natalie
Visit our blog:
http://twodancingpepitas.blogspot.com/
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure.
- Marianne Williamson
"You know you are face-to-face with the unfinished business of your own childhood when you respond with strong negative feelings to your child's behavior." (Hendrix and Hunt, 1997)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I so can relate to this. I hate feeling isolated. I like being apart of what goes on in the world around me. I like to think it is apart of me as well. The I realize how different I am from alot of it and how different it is from me and my family. It is all part of the process though, detatching ourselves to what we thought we were or are supposed to be doing, hanging out with, involved in....and so on. It feels so much better to be and feel safe and just do what is known and accepted. Coming from a family of needing their acceptance all the time I found myslef having a very hard time transitioning to this lifestyle because people around me didn't accept it or me b/c of it. I got caught up in it. And I wanted to be included, not excluded. I felt isolated and it scared me..I too felt this may be unhealthy..that is the deschooling.
Then the better part of me who was bold and ballsy (sp?) and didn't give a shit what others thought, I became empowered...Quite honestly now I am feeling empowered again talking baout it with you..b/c I am in the same place. I was sitting in my thoughts that can over power me which isn't good but as soon as I express them I was able to release them and be empowered once again. Thank you for that gift. thank you for reminding me.
Like you siad you feel it in your heart and you trust that it is right...living outside the box from mainstreem can be scary and isolating, it may feel this way for a while. Trust your choices and try to surround yourself with people that support you and not judge you. Establish your own community...go to conferences and be with your new family..That is what it feels like to me, my chosen family.
Lovingly, Natalie
Visit our blog:
http://twodancingpepitas.blogspot.com/
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure.
- Marianne Williamson
"You know you are face-to-face with the unfinished business of your own childhood when you respond with strong negative feelings to your child's behavior." (Hendrix and Hunt, 1997)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Natalie
where do you live?
--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston
<KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
experiences with groups that has made it very difficult to motivate,
lol. Kelli
group - was Re: feeling unmotivated
did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really
craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY
week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like
doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we
recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held
the group together.When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd
get in the habit of coming, most of the time, too. So there was
usually a group - and, in particular, the kids my kids especially
liked to play with would come more often since they knew mine would
for sure be there.But what I saw over the years was that a family
would come once or twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they
wouldn't come back. It often happened that the kid they might have
really clicked with wasn't there that day so they never got a chance
to meet. Or they'd notice there weren't other kids of their child's
gender and age, and they'd be disappointed and not come back.
Sometimes they'd come sporadically - but there would be weeks in
between those times. The kids would never really connect with the
other kids and they'd stop coming, eventually.When people kept on
coming, the kids eventually would become part of the ongoing games
that were played every week and over time they'd click more and more
and maybe make some special friends. It is always a little hard
to "break into" a group that has been meeting together for a long
time. If someone would just come back every week, for several weeks
in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more comfortable.Some
people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One girl
wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing
different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids -
I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little
kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give
them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These
days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to
socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.My youngest
daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with - these
are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park day,
too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys from 15
to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial arts,
go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very happy
with her social life.It really took work and commitment to create and
maintain a group that worked for us. But it also took an open mind
and a willingness to entirely drop all age and gender
expectations.Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that
ongoing social group - it was a really significant part of their
lives. The third one enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much.
So it was worth it to me to be someone who really nurtured the group.-
pamOn Jul 23, 2008, at 7:39 AM, k wrote:> Hey. I know the feeling.
Local people closeby enough to see about > once a> week or
thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us > unschoolers.>
We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been >
opting> for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people
he's not yet> familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the
first place... > none> are his age or even close. It's pretty much
girls and a couple of > rough> older boys recently out of school were
there last time.
--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston
<KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
>homeschooling group for us and stick to it. I have had some bad
>
> This was very motivating for me. I really need to find a good
experiences with groups that has made it very difficult to motivate,
lol. Kelli
>09:46:04 -0700Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Developing an unschooling
>
>
> EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
>
> To: unschoolingbasics@...: pamsoroosh@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008
group - was Re: feeling unmotivated
>maintain an unschooling group. It takes some level of commitment. I
>
>
>
> I just wanted to mention that it is a challenge to develop and
did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really
craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY
week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like
doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we
recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held
the group together.When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd
get in the habit of coming, most of the time, too. So there was
usually a group - and, in particular, the kids my kids especially
liked to play with would come more often since they knew mine would
for sure be there.But what I saw over the years was that a family
would come once or twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they
wouldn't come back. It often happened that the kid they might have
really clicked with wasn't there that day so they never got a chance
to meet. Or they'd notice there weren't other kids of their child's
gender and age, and they'd be disappointed and not come back.
Sometimes they'd come sporadically - but there would be weeks in
between those times. The kids would never really connect with the
other kids and they'd stop coming, eventually.When people kept on
coming, the kids eventually would become part of the ongoing games
that were played every week and over time they'd click more and more
and maybe make some special friends. It is always a little hard
to "break into" a group that has been meeting together for a long
time. If someone would just come back every week, for several weeks
in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more comfortable.Some
people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One girl
wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing
different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids -
I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little
kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give
them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These
days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to
socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.My youngest
daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with - these
are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park day,
too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys from 15
to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial arts,
go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very happy
with her social life.It really took work and commitment to create and
maintain a group that worked for us. But it also took an open mind
and a willingness to entirely drop all age and gender
expectations.Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that
ongoing social group - it was a really significant part of their
lives. The third one enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much.
So it was worth it to me to be someone who really nurtured the group.-
pamOn Jul 23, 2008, at 7:39 AM, k wrote:> Hey. I know the feeling.
Local people closeby enough to see about > once a> week or
thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us > unschoolers.>
We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been >
opting> for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people
he's not yet> familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the
first place... > none> are his age or even close. It's pretty much
girls and a couple of > rough> older boys recently out of school were
there last time.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Melissa
Thank you for your post Kelli. I also feel unmotivated and it has
lead to guilt. I was too afraid to admit my feelings, but feel so
much comfort in knowing other people have been through this too. I
appreciate all the responses. Thank you all.
Melissa-Ocala FL--- In [email protected], Kelli
Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
because of the school thing. They are sending their children to
school this coming year so we are very much in different places and
very much involved in the reward type parenting. I think you might be
right about rebelling. I feel like even though I am comfortable in my
heart and even intellectually with unschooling, it is really
isolating me from the world. I sometimes get concerned that it is
somehow an unhealthy thing to be going in this direction....like
somehow I am purposely finding something that will make me so
different from everyone else that I don't have to deal with anyone,
lol. I guess this would be more realistic if unschooling was less
kindness and more danger :).Kelli
go anywhere. And eventhough I am pregnant with my third, I don't have
the energy, it is too hot outside, going anywhere bymyself with
spirited 5 yr old and very strong minded almost 2 yr old and pregnant
is very hard for me. I too wait for my partner to do bug outings, and
having the company feels really good. I have noticed for me that when
I am feeling down on myself or lonely I get this way. Right now I am
emotional and harmonal it is a little crazy, but it still happened
even when I wasn't pregnant. There aren't unschoolers that are at
arms reach and we have lived here for a year and so our, my cirlce is
still being established. It is a slow process. I trust it will all be
ok. I don't know if this is making any sense..pregnant brain..lolbut
when my energy is heavy everything around me is heavy then I start to
2nd guess what I am doing from the influences I do have around me.
But when I am able to release that energy, it does clear up for me
and I am more motivated to do things. I find it easier to release
when I surrender to the feelings rather then being hard on myself
about it. Be gentle with yourself and find your compassion for
yourself as well. Sounds like a lot has happended this past year and
maybe from having to do so much of what you didn't want to do, maybe
you are rebelling, and maybe that is just what you need to do. Try to
give yourself the permission to be here. Not having support really
can unmotivate me as well. But I had reach out, and that is what you
are doing now, reaching out. If your children are so zoned into what
they are doing that sounds awsome to me. And maybe when you paint
don't invite them, just paint for yourself and see what happens..Do
you have close women friends around you..Maybe there are needs that
you have for yourself that aren't being met as well. I feel like I am
a better mother when I am a better woman. That is what works for me.
Take care.Natalie--- In [email protected], Kelli
Johnston <KelliJohnston@> wrote:>> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone
could shed some light on how to get motivated to create an exciting
educational environment for my kids. They are pretty young still (5 &
4). We get out to the beach and the park a couple times a week but
other than that we stay home most of the day. Our weekends are pretty
packed so once the week rolls around, I feel pretty tired and
unmotivated! I know that the kids are learning a lot doing what they
are doing (mostly imaginary play, drawing/painting, playing in the
yard, watching tv, and using the computer) but I feel like I should
be exposing them more to stuff outside of the house (museums, parks,
hikes, etc) or having more materials around the house that could
spark interest. I keep thinking that today is the day that I will
motivate or even trying to schedule myself but I find myself
rebelling against myself, lol. Anyone have any suggestions? Should I
just let it be and de-school for a while (my 5 year old was on a
curriculum last year which was stressful for all of us) or push
myself until it feels more natural? I am not talking about forcing
anything on them...just offering more options than what is
immediately in front of them that they are aware of.Kelli> > > >
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me> > [Non-text portions of this
message have been removed]>
lead to guilt. I was too afraid to admit my feelings, but feel so
much comfort in knowing other people have been through this too. I
appreciate all the responses. Thank you all.
Melissa-Ocala FL--- In [email protected], Kelli
Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:
>few close friends I have are sorta feeling more and more distant
>
> Thanks Natalie :) I do have some friends but I am noticing that the
because of the school thing. They are sending their children to
school this coming year so we are very much in different places and
very much involved in the reward type parenting. I think you might be
right about rebelling. I feel like even though I am comfortable in my
heart and even intellectually with unschooling, it is really
isolating me from the world. I sometimes get concerned that it is
somehow an unhealthy thing to be going in this direction....like
somehow I am purposely finding something that will make me so
different from everyone else that I don't have to deal with anyone,
lol. I guess this would be more realistic if unschooling was less
kindness and more danger :).Kelli
>21:32:19 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
>
>
> EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
>
> To: unschoolingbasics@...: mothers_dance@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008
>feel motivated to do anything and I would much rather stay home then
>
>
>
> I am going through the same thing. I come in and out of it. I don't
go anywhere. And eventhough I am pregnant with my third, I don't have
the energy, it is too hot outside, going anywhere bymyself with
spirited 5 yr old and very strong minded almost 2 yr old and pregnant
is very hard for me. I too wait for my partner to do bug outings, and
having the company feels really good. I have noticed for me that when
I am feeling down on myself or lonely I get this way. Right now I am
emotional and harmonal it is a little crazy, but it still happened
even when I wasn't pregnant. There aren't unschoolers that are at
arms reach and we have lived here for a year and so our, my cirlce is
still being established. It is a slow process. I trust it will all be
ok. I don't know if this is making any sense..pregnant brain..lolbut
when my energy is heavy everything around me is heavy then I start to
2nd guess what I am doing from the influences I do have around me.
But when I am able to release that energy, it does clear up for me
and I am more motivated to do things. I find it easier to release
when I surrender to the feelings rather then being hard on myself
about it. Be gentle with yourself and find your compassion for
yourself as well. Sounds like a lot has happended this past year and
maybe from having to do so much of what you didn't want to do, maybe
you are rebelling, and maybe that is just what you need to do. Try to
give yourself the permission to be here. Not having support really
can unmotivate me as well. But I had reach out, and that is what you
are doing now, reaching out. If your children are so zoned into what
they are doing that sounds awsome to me. And maybe when you paint
don't invite them, just paint for yourself and see what happens..Do
you have close women friends around you..Maybe there are needs that
you have for yourself that aren't being met as well. I feel like I am
a better mother when I am a better woman. That is what works for me.
Take care.Natalie--- In [email protected], Kelli
Johnston <KelliJohnston@> wrote:>> > Hi, I was wondering if anyone
could shed some light on how to get motivated to create an exciting
educational environment for my kids. They are pretty young still (5 &
4). We get out to the beach and the park a couple times a week but
other than that we stay home most of the day. Our weekends are pretty
packed so once the week rolls around, I feel pretty tired and
unmotivated! I know that the kids are learning a lot doing what they
are doing (mostly imaginary play, drawing/painting, playing in the
yard, watching tv, and using the computer) but I feel like I should
be exposing them more to stuff outside of the house (museums, parks,
hikes, etc) or having more materials around the house that could
spark interest. I keep thinking that today is the day that I will
motivate or even trying to schedule myself but I find myself
rebelling against myself, lol. Anyone have any suggestions? Should I
just let it be and de-school for a while (my 5 year old was on a
curriculum last year which was stressful for all of us) or push
myself until it feels more natural? I am not talking about forcing
anything on them...just offering more options than what is
immediately in front of them that they are aware of.Kelli> > > >
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me> > [Non-text portions of this
message have been removed]>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Kelli Johnston
near Santa Barbara in California...small beach town
(thanks for your email btw :))Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: mothers_dance@...: Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:06:09 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Developing an unschooling group - was Re: feeling unmotivated
where do you live?--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:>> > This was very motivating for me. I really need to find a good homeschooling group for us and stick to it. I have had some bad experiences with groups that has made it very difficult to motivate, lol. Kelli> > > > EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me> > To: unschoolingbasics@...: pamsoroosh@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:46:04 -0700Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Developing an unschooling group - was Re: feeling unmotivated> > > > > I just wanted to mention that it is a challenge to develop and maintain an unschooling group. It takes some level of commitment. I did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held the group together.When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd get in the habit of coming, most of the time, too. So there was usually a group - and, in particular, the kids my kids especially liked to play with would come more often since they knew mine would for sure be there.But what I saw over the years was that a family would come once or twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they wouldn't come back. It often happened that the kid they might have really clicked with wasn't there that day so they never got a chance to meet. Or they'd notice there weren't other kids of their child's gender and age, and they'd be disappointed and not come back. Sometimes they'd come sporadically - but there would be weeks in between those times. The kids would never really connect with the other kids and they'd stop coming, eventually.When people kept on coming, the kids eventually would become part of the ongoing games that were played every week and over time they'd click more and more and maybe make some special friends. It is always a little hard to "break into" a group that has been meeting together for a long time. If someone would just come back every week, for several weeks in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more comfortable.Some people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One girl wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids - I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.My youngest daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with - these are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park day, too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys from 15 to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial arts, go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very happy with her social life.It really took work and commitment to create and maintain a group that worked for us. But it also took an open mind and a willingness to entirely drop all age and gender expectations.Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that ongoing social group - it was a really significant part of their lives. The third one enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much. So it was worth it to me to be someone who really nurtured the group.-pamOn Jul 23, 2008, at 7:39 AM, k wrote:> Hey. I know the feeling. Local people closeby enough to see about > once a> week or thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us > unschoolers.> We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been > opting> for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people he's not yet> familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the first place... > none> are his age or even close. It's pretty much girls and a couple of > rough> older boys recently out of school were there last time. > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
(thanks for your email btw :))Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: mothers_dance@...: Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:06:09 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Developing an unschooling group - was Re: feeling unmotivated
where do you live?--- In [email protected], Kelli Johnston <KelliJohnston@...> wrote:>> > This was very motivating for me. I really need to find a good homeschooling group for us and stick to it. I have had some bad experiences with groups that has made it very difficult to motivate, lol. Kelli> > > > EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me> > To: unschoolingbasics@...: pamsoroosh@...: Wed, 23 Jul 2008 09:46:04 -0700Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Developing an unschooling group - was Re: feeling unmotivated> > > > > I just wanted to mention that it is a challenge to develop and maintain an unschooling group. It takes some level of commitment. I did it - because it was important to two of my three kids who really craved an active social life. It meant that we went to the park EVERY week - we didn't decide not to go one day because we all felt like doing something else, we scheduled around those park days because we recognized that our regular attendance was sort of the glue that held the group together.When people knew, for sure, we'd be there, they'd get in the habit of coming, most of the time, too. So there was usually a group - and, in particular, the kids my kids especially liked to play with would come more often since they knew mine would for sure be there.But what I saw over the years was that a family would come once or twice, the kids wouldn't click right away and they wouldn't come back. It often happened that the kid they might have really clicked with wasn't there that day so they never got a chance to meet. Or they'd notice there weren't other kids of their child's gender and age, and they'd be disappointed and not come back. Sometimes they'd come sporadically - but there would be weeks in between those times. The kids would never really connect with the other kids and they'd stop coming, eventually.When people kept on coming, the kids eventually would become part of the ongoing games that were played every week and over time they'd click more and more and maybe make some special friends. It is always a little hard to "break into" a group that has been meeting together for a long time. If someone would just come back every week, for several weeks in a row, they'd usually find they felt a lot more comfortable.Some people would come and make some specific efforts to connect. One girl wasn't finding it easy to make friends and she started bringing different stuff to the park that would be interesting to other kids - I mean, she actually brought her pet rat, for example, and her little kittens. Those were enough to attract other kids to her and to give them something to talk about together and that broke the ice. These days, years later, she's got a nice group of teenage unschoolers to socialize with - and it developed out of those park days.My youngest daughter has a great group of unschoolers to hang out with - these are friends she originally made through our unschoolers park day, too. They are almost all older boys - she's 17, they are boys from 15 to 23 years old. They play D&D and board games and do martial arts, go to movies, go to the beach, and other stuff. She's very very happy with her social life.It really took work and commitment to create and maintain a group that worked for us. But it also took an open mind and a willingness to entirely drop all age and gender expectations.Like I said, I had two girls who really wanted that ongoing social group - it was a really significant part of their lives. The third one enjoyed it, but didn't really "need" it as much. So it was worth it to me to be someone who really nurtured the group.-pamOn Jul 23, 2008, at 7:39 AM, k wrote:> Hey. I know the feeling. Local people closeby enough to see about > once a> week or thereabouts... that's hard to come by for a lot of us > unschoolers.> We go once in a while if Karl is feeling up to it. Lately he's been > opting> for computer stuff rather than going to a group of people he's not yet> familiar with and which doesn't have many boys in the first place... > none> are his age or even close. It's pretty much girls and a couple of > rough> older boys recently out of school were there last time. > > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
This post reminded me of a dream I had, years and years ago - before
kids, even! After I had experienced a spiritual awakening. In my
dream, I was walking with my friends; we were laughing and talking.
The feeling of love between us was SO strong... these were my
soul-mate buddies! In our walk, we came to a bridge. When we got to
it, all of my friends stopped - they couldn't go across. The bridge
was for me to cross, alone. I was SO scared! And SO sad. I had to go
alone! And my friends would be on this side of the bridge! They were
also sad, but encouraging. It took a bit of doing, but finally,
finally, I took those steps onto the bridge. I was completely by
myself. I got part of the way across, and realized - there was no way
I could go back now, I had to go forward, even though I didn't know
what was on the other side. I walked and walked, and finally, made it
to the other side of the bridge -- and there were my friends, waiting
for me! Only things were brighter, and happier! We laughed and
laughed. It's like we had shifted to a "higher" level of reality - but
I had to take those steps on faith first.
So it might *feel* like you're isolated and alone - but we're here!
We're just on the other side of the bridge -- keep walking! Here we
are, friends who will encourage your freedom, and freedom for your
kids. Friends who will accept your children for *exactly* who they
are, without fail. Friends who will never, ever, quiz them about math,
or ask if they're reading yet - because we *know* what's important!
Connection, and love, and acceptance. We've been here the whole time!
Just waiting.
I'm getting used to the support offered by an online community - and
take every opportunity I can to revel in face-to-face community! I
know I'm not alone. I knew that before last year's Live & Learn
Conference, but something HUGE shifted after we went (our first
conference) - I think part of it was the boys seeing tons and tons of
people living as we do, not just our handful of friends we have close
to us. I had never read unschooling blogs before then, and I didn't
take part in national unschooling forums or e-mail lists. But after
that - I needed the connection! And now, it's people who *aren't*
unschooling that seem odd to me!
Welcome home, my friend!
peace,
Caren
--- In [email protected], Natalie Picone-Louro
<mothers_dance@...> wrote:
world. I sometimes get concerned that it is somehow an unhealthy thing
to be going in this direction>
me as well. The I realize how different I am from alot of it and how
different it is from me and my family.
kids, even! After I had experienced a spiritual awakening. In my
dream, I was walking with my friends; we were laughing and talking.
The feeling of love between us was SO strong... these were my
soul-mate buddies! In our walk, we came to a bridge. When we got to
it, all of my friends stopped - they couldn't go across. The bridge
was for me to cross, alone. I was SO scared! And SO sad. I had to go
alone! And my friends would be on this side of the bridge! They were
also sad, but encouraging. It took a bit of doing, but finally,
finally, I took those steps onto the bridge. I was completely by
myself. I got part of the way across, and realized - there was no way
I could go back now, I had to go forward, even though I didn't know
what was on the other side. I walked and walked, and finally, made it
to the other side of the bridge -- and there were my friends, waiting
for me! Only things were brighter, and happier! We laughed and
laughed. It's like we had shifted to a "higher" level of reality - but
I had to take those steps on faith first.
So it might *feel* like you're isolated and alone - but we're here!
We're just on the other side of the bridge -- keep walking! Here we
are, friends who will encourage your freedom, and freedom for your
kids. Friends who will accept your children for *exactly* who they
are, without fail. Friends who will never, ever, quiz them about math,
or ask if they're reading yet - because we *know* what's important!
Connection, and love, and acceptance. We've been here the whole time!
Just waiting.
I'm getting used to the support offered by an online community - and
take every opportunity I can to revel in face-to-face community! I
know I'm not alone. I knew that before last year's Live & Learn
Conference, but something HUGE shifted after we went (our first
conference) - I think part of it was the boys seeing tons and tons of
people living as we do, not just our handful of friends we have close
to us. I had never read unschooling blogs before then, and I didn't
take part in national unschooling forums or e-mail lists. But after
that - I needed the connection! And now, it's people who *aren't*
unschooling that seem odd to me!
Welcome home, my friend!
peace,
Caren
--- In [email protected], Natalie Picone-Louro
<mothers_dance@...> wrote:
>intellectually with unschooling, it is really isolating me from the
> < I feel like even though I am comfortable in my heart and even
world. I sometimes get concerned that it is somehow an unhealthy thing
to be going in this direction>
>of what goes on in the world around me. I like to think it is apart of
> I so can relate to this. I hate feeling isolated. I like being apart
me as well. The I realize how different I am from alot of it and how
different it is from me and my family.
Kelli Johnston
Thank you Caren! Your post was right up my alley. I really appreciate it :) Now I just need to figure out how to get to a conference! We are in CA so if anyone knows of one in the state, let me know. We are going to the CHN homeschooling conference (And apparently there are unschooling speakers) but I would love to go to one that was *for* unschoolers but I doubt I could fly out of town for it next year (we have a few trips planned for weddings already).
On a weird side note, I really feel like unschooling was where I have been headed all along and things have just taken me here. I have had a very intense journey into motherhood. My son challenged me in so many ways. I had a very odd experience with a psychic at a party when my son was 1.5. It was a family party where a friend of a family friend came and apparently was a psychic. She came up to me and said that my son had "spoken" to her (he was non verbal at the time) and said that needed me to know that he needs a very different path in life. That he will not be ok doing the mainstream thing...that he will be considered not normal and won't easily conform to what traditional school expects of him. She said that he needed something alternative so that he could follow his own unique path and that if we went down the traditional path that it could be very difficult and unhappy. I haven't made any real decisions based on what she has said but it has been in my mind whenever I am scared to take a jump and do something off the beaten path. Oh and recently a friend of mine (who says she is very spiritually or psychicly sensitive) has said that my son visits her in dreams, lol. Tells her that he is a free spirit and a risk taker and that he appreciates all that I am doing for him. By the way, the funny thing is that I have a 4 year old daughter and NO ONE has said anything about her, lol. Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: carenkh@...: Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:01:06 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
This post reminded me of a dream I had, years and years ago - beforekids, even! After I had experienced a spiritual awakening. In mydream, I was walking with my friends; we were laughing and talking.The feeling of love between us was SO strong... these were mysoul-mate buddies! In our walk, we came to a bridge. When we got toit, all of my friends stopped - they couldn't go across. The bridgewas for me to cross, alone. I was SO scared! And SO sad. I had to goalone! And my friends would be on this side of the bridge! They werealso sad, but encouraging. It took a bit of doing, but finally,finally, I took those steps onto the bridge. I was completely bymyself. I got part of the way across, and realized - there was no wayI could go back now, I had to go forward, even though I didn't knowwhat was on the other side. I walked and walked, and finally, made itto the other side of the bridge -- and there were my friends, waitingfor me! Only things were brighter, and happier! We laughed andlaughed. It's like we had shifted to a "higher" level of reality - butI had to take those steps on faith first.So it might *feel* like you're isolated and alone - but we're here!We're just on the other side of the bridge -- keep walking! Here weare, friends who will encourage your freedom, and freedom for yourkids. Friends who will accept your children for *exactly* who theyare, without fail. Friends who will never, ever, quiz them about math,or ask if they're reading yet - because we *know* what's important!Connection, and love, and acceptance. We've been here the whole time!Just waiting.I'm getting used to the support offered by an online community - andtake every opportunity I can to revel in face-to-face community! Iknow I'm not alone. I knew that before last year's Live & LearnConference, but something HUGE shifted after we went (our firstconference) - I think part of it was the boys seeing tons and tons ofpeople living as we do, not just our handful of friends we have closeto us. I had never read unschooling blogs before then, and I didn'ttake part in national unschooling forums or e-mail lists. But afterthat - I needed the connection! And now, it's people who *aren't*unschooling that seem odd to me!Welcome home, my friend!peace,Caren--- In [email protected], Natalie Picone-Louro<mothers_dance@...> wrote:>> < I feel like even though I am comfortable in my heart and evenintellectually with unschooling, it is really isolating me from theworld. I sometimes get concerned that it is somehow an unhealthy thingto be going in this direction>> > I so can relate to this. I hate feeling isolated. I like being apartof what goes on in the world around me. I like to think it is apart ofme as well. The I realize how different I am from alot of it and howdifferent it is from me and my family.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
On a weird side note, I really feel like unschooling was where I have been headed all along and things have just taken me here. I have had a very intense journey into motherhood. My son challenged me in so many ways. I had a very odd experience with a psychic at a party when my son was 1.5. It was a family party where a friend of a family friend came and apparently was a psychic. She came up to me and said that my son had "spoken" to her (he was non verbal at the time) and said that needed me to know that he needs a very different path in life. That he will not be ok doing the mainstream thing...that he will be considered not normal and won't easily conform to what traditional school expects of him. She said that he needed something alternative so that he could follow his own unique path and that if we went down the traditional path that it could be very difficult and unhappy. I haven't made any real decisions based on what she has said but it has been in my mind whenever I am scared to take a jump and do something off the beaten path. Oh and recently a friend of mine (who says she is very spiritually or psychicly sensitive) has said that my son visits her in dreams, lol. Tells her that he is a free spirit and a risk taker and that he appreciates all that I am doing for him. By the way, the funny thing is that I have a 4 year old daughter and NO ONE has said anything about her, lol. Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: carenkh@...: Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:01:06 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
This post reminded me of a dream I had, years and years ago - beforekids, even! After I had experienced a spiritual awakening. In mydream, I was walking with my friends; we were laughing and talking.The feeling of love between us was SO strong... these were mysoul-mate buddies! In our walk, we came to a bridge. When we got toit, all of my friends stopped - they couldn't go across. The bridgewas for me to cross, alone. I was SO scared! And SO sad. I had to goalone! And my friends would be on this side of the bridge! They werealso sad, but encouraging. It took a bit of doing, but finally,finally, I took those steps onto the bridge. I was completely bymyself. I got part of the way across, and realized - there was no wayI could go back now, I had to go forward, even though I didn't knowwhat was on the other side. I walked and walked, and finally, made itto the other side of the bridge -- and there were my friends, waitingfor me! Only things were brighter, and happier! We laughed andlaughed. It's like we had shifted to a "higher" level of reality - butI had to take those steps on faith first.So it might *feel* like you're isolated and alone - but we're here!We're just on the other side of the bridge -- keep walking! Here weare, friends who will encourage your freedom, and freedom for yourkids. Friends who will accept your children for *exactly* who theyare, without fail. Friends who will never, ever, quiz them about math,or ask if they're reading yet - because we *know* what's important!Connection, and love, and acceptance. We've been here the whole time!Just waiting.I'm getting used to the support offered by an online community - andtake every opportunity I can to revel in face-to-face community! Iknow I'm not alone. I knew that before last year's Live & LearnConference, but something HUGE shifted after we went (our firstconference) - I think part of it was the boys seeing tons and tons ofpeople living as we do, not just our handful of friends we have closeto us. I had never read unschooling blogs before then, and I didn'ttake part in national unschooling forums or e-mail lists. But afterthat - I needed the connection! And now, it's people who *aren't*unschooling that seem odd to me!Welcome home, my friend!peace,Caren--- In [email protected], Natalie Picone-Louro<mothers_dance@...> wrote:>> < I feel like even though I am comfortable in my heart and evenintellectually with unschooling, it is really isolating me from theworld. I sometimes get concerned that it is somehow an unhealthy thingto be going in this direction>> > I so can relate to this. I hate feeling isolated. I like being apartof what goes on in the world around me. I like to think it is apart ofme as well. The I realize how different I am from alot of it and howdifferent it is from me and my family.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jul 24, 2008, at 7:53 PM, Kelli Johnston wrote:
plan one? <G>
HSC's conference in Sacramento seems to be significantly more
unschoolish than the CHN expo and it is really a blast. This'll be my
12th HSC conference. And there are a bunch of us radical unschoolers
who are regulars at the HSC conference.
HSC usually has a campout at Refugio (just north of Santa Barbara)
every year - the people who go tend to be unschoolers.
-pam
> We are in CA so if anyone knows of one in the state, let me know.Santa Barbara would be a awesome place for a conference. Why don't you
plan one? <G>
HSC's conference in Sacramento seems to be significantly more
unschoolish than the CHN expo and it is really a blast. This'll be my
12th HSC conference. And there are a bunch of us radical unschoolers
who are regulars at the HSC conference.
HSC usually has a campout at Refugio (just north of Santa Barbara)
every year - the people who go tend to be unschoolers.
-pam
Kelli Johnston
Thanks Pam! I will check out the campout. I think it might have already happened?
Ha, well maybe I will plan one in a couple of years ;)Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: pamsoroosh@...: Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:54:21 -0700Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
On Jul 24, 2008, at 7:53 PM, Kelli Johnston wrote:> We are in CA so if anyone knows of one in the state, let me know.Santa Barbara would be a awesome place for a conference. Why don't you plan one? <G>HSC's conference in Sacramento seems to be significantly more unschoolish than the CHN expo and it is really a blast. This'll be my 12th HSC conference. And there are a bunch of us radical unschoolers who are regulars at the HSC conference.HSC usually has a campout at Refugio (just north of Santa Barbara) every year - the people who go tend to be unschoolers.-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ha, well maybe I will plan one in a couple of years ;)Kelli
EMAILING FOR THE GREATER GOODJoin me
To: [email protected]: pamsoroosh@...: Thu, 24 Jul 2008 23:54:21 -0700Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: feeling unmotivated
On Jul 24, 2008, at 7:53 PM, Kelli Johnston wrote:> We are in CA so if anyone knows of one in the state, let me know.Santa Barbara would be a awesome place for a conference. Why don't you plan one? <G>HSC's conference in Sacramento seems to be significantly more unschoolish than the CHN expo and it is really a blast. This'll be my 12th HSC conference. And there are a bunch of us radical unschoolers who are regulars at the HSC conference.HSC usually has a campout at Refugio (just north of Santa Barbara) every year - the people who go tend to be unschoolers.-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]