hlg567

What do you do and how often do you need personal time alone? Does it
depend on whether you have a high energy kiddo? I can't read if my son
is talking...even just little bits here and there. It interrupts me.
Am i too sensitive or is this natural to always hear every sound from
your kid? Same goes for thinking.
Sometimes i shush him and say hey, I want to read this for a few minutes.
Ya think that's okay?
Sometimes i have to get away, to town or the library by myself to
think about ideas for art or to browse. I would love to find more
balance at home so i don't have to leave but wonder will it be fair to
my son to ask? He is going to be 7 in October. How do i talk to him
about wanting some quiet time?
One issue with me is the nintendo ds which he loves to play,all
day,very loud. He is good at it and happy,that's good.However, I feel
like i am living in an arcade with the bells,whistles and music from
it,lol. We have two different sets of head phones but he refuses to
wear them. If i am doing something he will come over to me every
minute or so and say:wow,look at this or hey, i got through the level!
I remind him that i'm in the middle of doing something and he will say
okay,sorry but come right back.I do play with him most of the day it's
when i am doing something he doesn't care and being asked to look at
his game all the time gets old.What's a solution for this?

Meredith

--- In [email protected], "hlg567" <halfshadow1@...>
wrote:
>> Sometimes i have to get away, to town or the library by myself to
> think about ideas for art or to browse. I would love to find more
> balance at home so i don't have to leave but wonder will it be
fair to
> my son to ask? He is going to be 7 in October. How do i talk to him
> about wanting some quiet time?

I think Ray was six or seven when we started talking to him about
the difference between introverts and extraverts. Mainly we wanted
to reassure him that our desire for quiet didn't mean we didn't love
him, so we focused on that aspect - we love you, but some people
like Quiet time. He was sort of baffled at first - how in the world
can anyone Not want to talk talk talk talk all day long? Weird.

Once he understood that concept somewhat he was willing to
brainstorm some solutions with us so that we could have some more
Quiet time. On the flip side, George and I worked harder at being a
little more available to him the rest of the time.

>I can't read if my son
> is talking...even just little bits here and there. It interrupts
me.
> Am i too sensitive or is this natural

You're "allowed" to be sensitive, y'know ;) Me, I can ignore
practically anyone, any time, but certain sounds really set my teeth
on edge, like whistling.

>Same goes for thinking.

Oh, yeah, I can lose my train of thought in a second if someone is
talking to me! That's how I got in the habit of making lists. If I'm
not in a position to make a list I'll "hold on" to a thought
by "tying" it to something. Usually I cross my fingers in some
uncomfortable way as a reminder - that lets me use the "kinesthetic"
part of my mind, which works well for me.

> One issue with me is the nintendo ds which he loves to play,all
> day,very loud. He is good at it and happy,that's good.However, I
feel
> like i am living in an arcade with the bells,whistles and music
from
> it,lol. We have two different sets of head phones but he refuses to
> wear them.

Can *you* wear them? Or earplugs, for that matter. Sometimes I wear
my headphones at work to dull the noise a little - even without
playing any music they create a little bit of a barrier. Could you
get a "white noise" machine or play some music you like through a
set of headphones?

>If i am doing something he will come over to me every
> minute or so and say:wow,look at this or hey, i got through the
level!
> I remind him that i'm in the middle of doing something and he will
say
> okay,sorry but come right back

It helps to start with "wow, that's really cool" and Then say "I'm
right in the middle of this" maybe with "but I can't wait to see
what's next" tagged on. Find a way to express your love and interest
even in the middle of being busy.

Okay now, when I say "it helps" I mean it helps Him feel loved. It
won't necessarily stop him from wanting to connect with you every
other minute. He's a social guy and he wants to share his enthusiasm
with You, his most favorite Mommy. Aren't you special? Try to remind
yourself of that when you're gritting your teeth thinking "why won't
he leave me alone?" To him you are special and popular and beautiful
and wise and perfect. Why *wouldn't* he want to talk to you all the
darn time?

Maybe write something like that on a bookmark ;)

>What's a solution for this?

Taking breaks is a good idea - going to the library or whatever by
yourself. Mine those breaks for every ounce of quiet and solitude
(or whatever). Fill up your own "cup" of peace and calm to bring
back home.

At home, look for ways to baffle or block the noise in the house if
its wearing on you. Sound *can* be a source of stress. Get some
heavy drapes or hang plants or get some room dividers to absorb some
of the sound, maybe. Or run a white noise machine or play a cd of
waves or running water to break up the sound. Get one of those
miniature fountains or a fishtank, maybe. Look into other ways to
self-soothe - aromatherapy or lava lamps or chocolate or changing
your hair color once a week. Give yourself little "presents" of self-
love and care so that you feel better in other ways and have more
patience for this inconveniently boisterous little person who adores
you so much.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)

A Perry

i have found in the past that if i show interest in my 6 year old son's activities *before* he asks for or seeks my attention, it gives me more quiet time overall. my son also wants to show me everything, including how far he has progressed on a certain game on his nintendo ds <g>. he also keeps the volume very high, and i also find the noises pretty distracting. when he is especially excited about something, i just take a look, share the joy he feels at his accomplishment, and then move on.
 
i think it is good for a child to know that we all need a few quiet moments to ourselves. i have some things i keep for "desperate" times in a little plastic dresser on wheels. this way we can roll it into whichever room we are in. it has glue, scissors, stickers, paint, what have you, inside it. find some things you think your son would like. i take this stuff out and my son seems to know that it is time for mom to have a few moments to herself. you might want to do something like this. i tell my son that i need a little quiet time, i hand him some clay, or a new sticker book, or something he likes, and i stay nearby. this works pretty well.
 
Angela
 
 


--- On Sat, 7/19/08, hlg567 <halfshadow1@...> wrote:

From: hlg567 <halfshadow1@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Breaks from the noise
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, July 19, 2008, 8:22 PM






What do you do and how often do you need personal time alone? Does it
depend on whether you have a high energy kiddo? I can't read if my son
is talking...even just little bits here and there. It interrupts me.
Am i too sensitive or is this natural to always hear every sound from
your kid? Same goes for thinking.
Sometimes i shush him and say hey, I want to read this for a few minutes.
Ya think that's okay?
Sometimes i have to get away, to town or the library by myself to
think about ideas for art or to browse. I would love to find more
balance at home so i don't have to leave but wonder will it be fair to
my son to ask? He is going to be 7 in October. How do i talk to him
about wanting some quiet time?
One issue with me is the nintendo ds which he loves to play,all
day,very loud. He is good at it and happy,that's good.However, I feel
like i am living in an arcade with the bells,whistles and music from
it,lol. We have two different sets of head phones but he refuses to
wear them. If i am doing something he will come over to me every
minute or so and say:wow,look at this or hey, i got through the level!
I remind him that i'm in the middle of doing something and he will say
okay,sorry but come right back.I do play with him most of the day it's
when i am doing something he doesn't care and being asked to look at
his game all the time gets old.What's a solution for this?


















[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Zoa Conner

Meredith, I¹d love to hear more about this particular brainstorm ... I have
a quiet, sensitive, introverted dh and an energetic, loud, boisterous ds who
clash a lot.
Zoa


On 7/20/08 3:56 PM, "Meredith" <meredith@...> wrote:
>
> Once he understood that concept somewhat he was willing to
> brainstorm some solutions with us so that we could have some more
> Quiet time. On the flip side, George and I worked harder at being a
> little more available to him the rest of the time.
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meredith

--- In [email protected], Zoa Conner <zoaconner@...>
wrote:
>
> Meredith, I?d love to hear more about this particular
brainstorm ... I have
> a quiet, sensitive, introverted dh and an energetic, loud,
boisterous ds who
> clash a lot.

Do you know the MBTI? That's where George and I pulled our
definition of introvert/extravert. Here's a link:
http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

George and I are both fairly introverted, and Ray's a pretty intense
extravert, so first of all it was helpful for me and George to
understand that Ray really *needed* a lot of human interaction. That
let us feel better about all those days when we'd play and hang out
and talk with Ray all day long and he Still wanted More! We weren't
automatic failures. Phew. It also let us understand that we weren't
automatically bad for wanting some "down time". Between those, we
were able to start looking for solutions that met his needs *and*
our needs. And since Ray was (still is) soooooo extraverted and
really really verbal besides (not always the same thing) it made
sense to talk with Ray about the matter, too.

At age six or seven (I think it was six) Ray wasn't sure he believed
us about some people needing less "people time" for awhile. We
pretty much just kept repeating it any time the information seemed
to apply: "I'm getting tired and need some quiet time, I know you
still need people time, wanna see if anyone's at the creek? Then you
can play while I sit in the shade."

So the brainstorming kind of started informally on George and my
side with Ray making suggestions once he started to catch on that we
really did have this weird need. There was one day in particular
that we all actually sat around and *talked* about it, tossed ideas
back and forth in a real brainstorming session. It just kind of
happened, though, which probably doesn't help *you* any ;) One day
George and I were well rested and we were all eating and Ray, of
course, was talking and next thing you know we're brainstorming ways
to get all our needs met without hurting each other's feelings.

A lot of the solutions were things Ray came up with - he thought of
several activities that he regularly did that he didn't really
*need* to touch base with another human being every six seconds and
we all made an effort to work those things into a regular routine so
George and I could have some down time on a predictable basis. But I
think that worked *because* it was Ray's idea - it was a favor he
was doing for us.

I also think it helped to really focus, not just on his needs, but
on communicating with him about the process we were using to meet
those needs as well as our own. I just mentioned this in another
post in a different context. The way Ray learns about the world is
tied up in the fact that he's really really social. So verbalizing
our process was really important to Ray - it let him be a part of
that process in a way that was really meaningful to him. It let him
feel connected to us.

I hope some of that is helpful!

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)

k

I just read something really neat last night. What we practice starts in
small things everyday and becomes the overall tone in the environment.
Where peace is practiced in small ways everyday all the time, it becomes the
overall tone. By the same token, war doesn't happen overnight but one small
nasty after another builds and turns into conflicted areas cropping up
everywhere.

The same things happen in all relationships, the human experience being
remarkably predictable that way. Conflict is automatic because we're all
different but that doesn't mean that finding ways to bridge the gap is out
of range. It can be practiced in all areas of different preferences for
quiet or loud.

I'm an expert at isolating myself and I can be very protective of my time
and attention. It backfires if I do it a lot. So I make sure everyone is
"filled" before I take off for yonder parts, and I check back frequently. I
check back *more* often if anyone seems to need more than usual for some
reason (and sometimes I may not have a clue what that reason is). Sometimes
I go somewhere but I'm more likely to find ways to tune out. If I leave the
premises or go off somewhere mentally far far away and someone *really*
needs my attention or just my presence (which is a kind of attention), it
just makes that person behave in more desperate ways toward me and starts to
become the tone of our relationship. After a while, it settles in their
bones and becomes part of who they are to expect that I'm absent a lot. I
try to attend, pay attention, to the need for *more* first.

I can relate to what you're going through. Karl and his dad both love
noise, and I really don't much. Sometimes, he is willing to wear
headphones... other times, *I* put them on myself because some noise
problems are not solved by him donning headphones, especially if he is
singing or cheering on his character. So I find white noise or soothing or
nonobtrusive something or other that I can listen to. I can still hear
others and remain available over long periods of time but I'm not *right*
there drowning in the middle of a lot of noise.

~Katherine




On 7/19/08, hlg567 <halfshadow1@...> wrote:
>
> What do you do and how often do you need personal time alone? Does it
> depend on whether you have a high energy kiddo? I can't read if my son
> is talking...even just little bits here and there. It interrupts me.
> Am i too sensitive or is this natural to always hear every sound from
> your kid? Same goes for thinking.
> Sometimes i shush him and say hey, I want to read this for a few minutes.
> Ya think that's okay?
> Sometimes i have to get away, to town or the library by myself to
> think about ideas for art or to browse. I would love to find more
> balance at home so i don't have to leave but wonder will it be fair to
> my son to ask? He is going to be 7 in October. How do i talk to him
> about wanting some quiet time?
> One issue with me is the nintendo ds which he loves to play,all
> day,very loud. He is good at it and happy,that's good.However, I feel
> like i am living in an arcade with the bells,whistles and music from
> it,lol. We have two different sets of head phones but he refuses to
> wear them. If i am doing something he will come over to me every
> minute or so and say:wow,look at this or hey, i got through the level!
> I remind him that i'm in the middle of doing something and he will say
> okay,sorry but come right back.I do play with him most of the day it's
> when i am doing something he doesn't care and being asked to look at
> his game all the time gets old.What's a solution for this?
> .
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]