swissarmy_wife

Did anyone read Scott Noelle's Daily Groove this morning? The topic
today couldn't have hit at a better time! I'd really like to discuss
this issue.

Growing up with parents who argued, and still argue, with each other
and everyone around them, sometimes I have trouble drawing the line
between arguing and giving information. My son, always seems to want
to be right. I say it "seems" that way because I'm sure its deeper
than that. But I really need help in this area. I'm trying to think
of an example here but drawing a blank. It usually goes something
like he thinks "it's this way" it's actually "that way", so we tell
him. and then begins the argument. Where do I stop? Does he just
need to feel validated? Does he truly just want to be right? Should
I just let him be wrong? Just writing that last sentence doesn't feel
right. Anyway... it's been a struggle and I could use some
discussion and ideas.

Here's the newsletter topic:

~~~~~
THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: Beyond Right and Wrong ::

Children are born knowing that feeling good is more important than
being "right." They know their emotions are their Inner Guidance, and
they trust it.

So why do they sometimes rebel and seem to care more about being
right? One possibility is that you may be telling them something that
contradicts their Inner Guidance.

For example, if you say "It's time to go," while their Inner Guidance
tells them to stay, they know you're talking crazy talk!

If you say "You shouldn't touch that," while their instinct is to
explore, one of you is lying... and it's not them!

You can end conflict and transcend right/wrong thinking by tuning in
to *your* Inner Guidance. Give it some time... The heart is slower
than the head, but it's wiser, too.

If you go deep enough, you'll find the place where your Guidance and
their Guidance overlap -- the common ground where everyday miracles
are born.
~~~~~

k

I think Scott's daily says something really useful. Children don't see
right and wrong so much as the need or wish for something. Right/wrong is
culturally induced thinking. It can be useful but with children it helps to
take each individual instance and (this is why unschooling is so great) find
some way for what they want to happen at least to some degree. Right/wrong
doesn't help much until after certain stages of development occur. Children
may "seem" to understand the concepts because they can say the words "right"
and "wrong" or "yes" and "no." At first, children see the world as full of
possibilities. They tend to ignore obstacles and plunge in.

Eventually children begin to experience some options as better than
others... as in, such and such works better for what we're trying to do in
some situation, but in some other situation, another option might work
best.

It's a learning process for all of us. Maybe one of the greatest things
that happens to people is to have children who wake them back up to the
world of wonder and possibilities, which many of us have long forgotten.
Right and wrong are not the only important options that work well. There's
a whole lot more to it than than and having only right/wrong to choose from
is a very limited set of options.

What if we were to see everything as a range of available options, a
spectrum if you will, that yields infinite degrees of "gray" and other
"colors" ...not just the "black" and "white" of right/wrong?

~Katherine



On 6/30/08, swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...> wrote:
>
> Did anyone read Scott Noelle's Daily Groove this morning? The topic
> today couldn't have hit at a better time! I'd really like to discuss
> this issue.
>
> Growing up with parents who argued, and still argue, with each other
> and everyone around them, sometimes I have trouble drawing the line
> between arguing and giving information. My son, always seems to want
> to be right. I say it "seems" that way because I'm sure its deeper
> than that. But I really need help in this area. I'm trying to think
> of an example here but drawing a blank. It usually goes something
> like he thinks "it's this way" it's actually "that way", so we tell
> him. and then begins the argument. Where do I stop? Does he just
> need to feel validated? Does he truly just want to be right? Should
> I just let him be wrong? Just writing that last sentence doesn't feel
> right. Anyway... it's been a struggle and I could use some
> discussion and ideas.
>
> Here's the newsletter topic:
>
> ~~~~~
> THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
> www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove
>
> :: Beyond Right and Wrong ::
>
> Children are born knowing that feeling good is more important than
> being "right." They know their emotions are their Inner Guidance, and
> they trust it.
>
> So why do they sometimes rebel and seem to care more about being
> right? One possibility is that you may be telling them something that
> contradicts their Inner Guidance.
>
> For example, if you say "It's time to go," while their Inner Guidance
> tells them to stay, they know you're talking crazy talk!
>
> If you say "You shouldn't touch that," while their instinct is to
> explore, one of you is lying... and it's not them!
>
> You can end conflict and transcend right/wrong thinking by tuning in
> to *your* Inner Guidance. Give it some time... The heart is slower
> than the head, but it's wiser, too.
>
> If you go deep enough, you'll find the place where your Guidance and
> their Guidance overlap -- the common ground where everyday miracles
> are born.
> ~~~~~
>
>
>


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