RU Question on dealing with others
Heather T
First I have to thank you for the wisdom I have gained from you all. I have
been on this list for about a year now. We have always unschooled our 7 ½
year old son, but after reading from this list and pouring through Joyces
website we began our trek into radical unschooling. After we heard Ren
speak at last years Rethinking Education conference we came home, took a
collective deep breath and jumped in 100%. We have never looked back.
There have been questionable days and panic attacks, but nothing has come
close to the joy we experience everyday just being. We have a great life
and are very happy. But now, weve come to a place where Im just not sure
how to proceed and would love any advice you all can share.
I have never been one to care what other people think. I am a very liberal,
outspoken, overweight, non-blonde, non-christian, non-republican, anti-war
pacifist who quit a successful career to stay home and raise her child. I
am the photo negative of everything Dallas, tx is about and have lived here
for a decade. Gosh, what the neighbors must think. ;-) Adding unschooler
to that long list of outcast ingredients was really not a stretch. We try
to live our lives open and honestly, but in the culture we live in those
that misunderstand our way of living can cause unnecessary grief through
their ignorance and my questions lie in how to handle those situations.
Generally my son will answer a what are you learning about question with
I play video games all day. Now I have to admit its kinda funny to see
the reactions of the nosy nellies in the grocery store who love to pop quiz
homeschooled kids. But its a bit harder to chuckle when its our
pediatrician or fellow volunteer at the local shelter. Up to this point
Ive always been with my son during these conversations and able to change
the topic of the conversation before it entered into areas causing others to
question child neglect because horrors of horror he can eat ice cream when
he wants and play video games all day. What a terrible mother I am. Lol
Now in the next few weeks, DS will be going to a few summer camps he chose
at the local zoo and museum. In addition to his all I do all day is play
video games, I dont have go to school chatter, he also cant really print
yet. He just learned how to read in the past six months and only then
because he needed to read to play a new online game he liked. I know hell
learn to write the same way when hes ready. But I am worried how he and
his teachers will react if they ask him to write something at summer camp.
Were getting to the age where his age cant be used as an excuse for his
lack of normal advancements. I am concerned that our parenting will be
called into question in a formal manner, like child services, school
district inquiries or who knows what else. I know we could win any
challenge thrown at us, but why deal with the challenge in the first place.
My son is a very honest person. He has no reason to be otherwise and I
dont want to change that, but I am worried about his level of honesty with
strangers while Im not present. How do you all handle such situations? I
know you cant care what other think, but how do you keep the grief from
others thoughts (and possible resulting reactions) from distrupting your
familys way of life. We just want to live and let live. Do we need to
stay away from certain public situations, like summer camps? If not, how do
you handle the resulting questions or grief for you and your child? Any
advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
With peace and gratitude,
Heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
been on this list for about a year now. We have always unschooled our 7 ½
year old son, but after reading from this list and pouring through Joyces
website we began our trek into radical unschooling. After we heard Ren
speak at last years Rethinking Education conference we came home, took a
collective deep breath and jumped in 100%. We have never looked back.
There have been questionable days and panic attacks, but nothing has come
close to the joy we experience everyday just being. We have a great life
and are very happy. But now, weve come to a place where Im just not sure
how to proceed and would love any advice you all can share.
I have never been one to care what other people think. I am a very liberal,
outspoken, overweight, non-blonde, non-christian, non-republican, anti-war
pacifist who quit a successful career to stay home and raise her child. I
am the photo negative of everything Dallas, tx is about and have lived here
for a decade. Gosh, what the neighbors must think. ;-) Adding unschooler
to that long list of outcast ingredients was really not a stretch. We try
to live our lives open and honestly, but in the culture we live in those
that misunderstand our way of living can cause unnecessary grief through
their ignorance and my questions lie in how to handle those situations.
Generally my son will answer a what are you learning about question with
I play video games all day. Now I have to admit its kinda funny to see
the reactions of the nosy nellies in the grocery store who love to pop quiz
homeschooled kids. But its a bit harder to chuckle when its our
pediatrician or fellow volunteer at the local shelter. Up to this point
Ive always been with my son during these conversations and able to change
the topic of the conversation before it entered into areas causing others to
question child neglect because horrors of horror he can eat ice cream when
he wants and play video games all day. What a terrible mother I am. Lol
Now in the next few weeks, DS will be going to a few summer camps he chose
at the local zoo and museum. In addition to his all I do all day is play
video games, I dont have go to school chatter, he also cant really print
yet. He just learned how to read in the past six months and only then
because he needed to read to play a new online game he liked. I know hell
learn to write the same way when hes ready. But I am worried how he and
his teachers will react if they ask him to write something at summer camp.
Were getting to the age where his age cant be used as an excuse for his
lack of normal advancements. I am concerned that our parenting will be
called into question in a formal manner, like child services, school
district inquiries or who knows what else. I know we could win any
challenge thrown at us, but why deal with the challenge in the first place.
My son is a very honest person. He has no reason to be otherwise and I
dont want to change that, but I am worried about his level of honesty with
strangers while Im not present. How do you all handle such situations? I
know you cant care what other think, but how do you keep the grief from
others thoughts (and possible resulting reactions) from distrupting your
familys way of life. We just want to live and let live. Do we need to
stay away from certain public situations, like summer camps? If not, how do
you handle the resulting questions or grief for you and your child? Any
advice you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
With peace and gratitude,
Heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jun 15, 2008, at 12:29 PM, Heather T wrote:
games all day."
He could say, "I've recently learned how to read." He could say, "I
learn through doing things I really enjoy." He could say, "Our
homeschooling is kind of hard to explain. Ask my mom." <g>
It isn't doing him a favor to not help him understand that it is
appropriate to say different things depending on the context. That's
an important social skill. So - role play with him and help him know
what to say.
When my daughter went to a class at our nature center, she was 6 or 7
and not reading. I told the teacher, "She isn't reading yet. I figured
you'd want to know so that you wouldn't accidentally embarrass her." I
told my daughter, "If anyone asks you about reading, you can say, "I
don't read yet, but I'm learning."
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>It is also JUST as honest to say other things than, " I play video
> My son is a very honest person. He has no reason to be otherwise and I
> don�t want to change that, but I am worried about his level of
> honesty with
> strangers while I�m not present.
games all day."
He could say, "I've recently learned how to read." He could say, "I
learn through doing things I really enjoy." He could say, "Our
homeschooling is kind of hard to explain. Ask my mom." <g>
It isn't doing him a favor to not help him understand that it is
appropriate to say different things depending on the context. That's
an important social skill. So - role play with him and help him know
what to say.
When my daughter went to a class at our nature center, she was 6 or 7
and not reading. I told the teacher, "She isn't reading yet. I figured
you'd want to know so that you wouldn't accidentally embarrass her." I
told my daughter, "If anyone asks you about reading, you can say, "I
don't read yet, but I'm learning."
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
I simply talked to my son about other people, and what the conclusions
they are likely to draw. He's almost 10 so he understands more now
than he did say 2 years ago. He's extremely proud of not having to go
to school and being independent. I actually started to feel bad for
the other child who had to listen to my child explain that he doesn't
have to do "any of that".
Anyway, we've discussed some more respectful ways of answering
questions, children vs. adults, and not "rubbing it in" so to speak.
Homeschooling is relatively rare around here. ESPECIALLY unschooling.
I could imagine the horror if we went on trying to explain that one.
they are likely to draw. He's almost 10 so he understands more now
than he did say 2 years ago. He's extremely proud of not having to go
to school and being independent. I actually started to feel bad for
the other child who had to listen to my child explain that he doesn't
have to do "any of that".
Anyway, we've discussed some more respectful ways of answering
questions, children vs. adults, and not "rubbing it in" so to speak.
Homeschooling is relatively rare around here. ESPECIALLY unschooling.
I could imagine the horror if we went on trying to explain that one.
> Generally my son will answer a `what are you learning about'question with
> `I play video games all day'. Now I have to admit it's kinda funnyto see
> the reactions of the nosy nellies in the grocery store who love topop quiz
> homeschooled kids. But it's a bit harder to chuckle when it's ourchange
> pediatrician or fellow volunteer at the local shelter. Up to this point
> I've always been with my son during these conversations and able to
> the topic of the conversation before it entered into areas causingothers to
> question child "neglect" because horrors of horror he can eat icecream when
> he wants and play video games all day. What a terrible mother I am.Lol