Re: transgender/long email
[email protected]
We have a transgendered foster child who lives with us that we are
planning on adopting this spring. For quite awhile I couldn't find any
information pertaining to this subject matter, especially for someone
that is young. He is 8. He has been dressing as a female since he was in
kindergarten. He was nicknamed "pinkie" at the time because he wore a
pink dress, tights, high heels, etc. for Halloween one year. His passion
for female attire, fabric, make-up, etc. is an every day thing. He has
many issues pertaining to 13 placements, remembering and loving his
mother and sisters (who were just adopted), abuse of various kinds, etc.
He has therapy at school to assist him in remaining there, therapy for
reactive attachment disorder which I attend with him, and now "they"are
requesting that he sees another counselor to assist him in experiencing
who he is around the transgender issues. He did say he would "like to
let it all out."
My family and are are learning a lot. I unschool my two teenage sons; 13
and 16. Many discussions have come up around the issue of transgender.
One friend was totally appalled by our "letting a boy wear a dress." My
kids talked to this young man and helped him see where his thoughts were
coming from. He seems to have relaxed his stance a bit. He is still
welcome in our home and we continue to have discussions. I do have
concerns about my foster sons safety. We have talked to him about this
without trying to scare him. It still scares him to think someone may
want to injure him one way or another because of the person he is. He
says they should "stick it in their ear." His world is still young, as
he is. He is learning about prejudices. He now wants to change his name
to a feminine one and grow his hair out long. He has asked me many times
if he can grow his hair out and wear it to school. He says there is a
boy in his class with long hair. I said it was okay. After his adoption
I could choose to unschool him too. I believe at that time, he will want
to "convert" to female. I own a small shop in my home town. I just
opened it two months ago. I could unschool and have him spend his time
with me. He gets hyper though. The shop is getting busier. He will have
many services as he does now. I guess I am writing for support.
People now say "how lucky he is to have you and your family." I strongly
believe we all have the right to be exactly who we are. It feels
patronizing to me sometimes when people/therapists/doctors say "wow! is
he lucky" like he is a stray dog that we took in, for lack of a better
way to say it at this time. I love dogs, by the way. Do you see what I
mean, though? Why would he need to be "lucky?" It is a way of saying
there is something big here that people are not totally comfortable with
and are exploring how they feel about it, which is great. No, I don't
feel totally comfortable with him wanting to be dressed as a female and
go shopping where ever "Walmart, Costco," etc. I would defend him if
anyone said or did anything and I don't want that energy around him, me
and/or my family. When my kids had piercings and various colored
hair/green, pink, purple, etc., we got more kind sentiments than unkind,
yet the unkind were mixed with threats of physical violence. I enjoy
difference. I enjoy learning about new things. I love discovery. That
doesn't mean I haven't taken the time to work through my own fears
around certain subjects. I will always work on myself; creating my
"self." My kids see this and know they have that freedom, too. Michele
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
planning on adopting this spring. For quite awhile I couldn't find any
information pertaining to this subject matter, especially for someone
that is young. He is 8. He has been dressing as a female since he was in
kindergarten. He was nicknamed "pinkie" at the time because he wore a
pink dress, tights, high heels, etc. for Halloween one year. His passion
for female attire, fabric, make-up, etc. is an every day thing. He has
many issues pertaining to 13 placements, remembering and loving his
mother and sisters (who were just adopted), abuse of various kinds, etc.
He has therapy at school to assist him in remaining there, therapy for
reactive attachment disorder which I attend with him, and now "they"are
requesting that he sees another counselor to assist him in experiencing
who he is around the transgender issues. He did say he would "like to
let it all out."
My family and are are learning a lot. I unschool my two teenage sons; 13
and 16. Many discussions have come up around the issue of transgender.
One friend was totally appalled by our "letting a boy wear a dress." My
kids talked to this young man and helped him see where his thoughts were
coming from. He seems to have relaxed his stance a bit. He is still
welcome in our home and we continue to have discussions. I do have
concerns about my foster sons safety. We have talked to him about this
without trying to scare him. It still scares him to think someone may
want to injure him one way or another because of the person he is. He
says they should "stick it in their ear." His world is still young, as
he is. He is learning about prejudices. He now wants to change his name
to a feminine one and grow his hair out long. He has asked me many times
if he can grow his hair out and wear it to school. He says there is a
boy in his class with long hair. I said it was okay. After his adoption
I could choose to unschool him too. I believe at that time, he will want
to "convert" to female. I own a small shop in my home town. I just
opened it two months ago. I could unschool and have him spend his time
with me. He gets hyper though. The shop is getting busier. He will have
many services as he does now. I guess I am writing for support.
People now say "how lucky he is to have you and your family." I strongly
believe we all have the right to be exactly who we are. It feels
patronizing to me sometimes when people/therapists/doctors say "wow! is
he lucky" like he is a stray dog that we took in, for lack of a better
way to say it at this time. I love dogs, by the way. Do you see what I
mean, though? Why would he need to be "lucky?" It is a way of saying
there is something big here that people are not totally comfortable with
and are exploring how they feel about it, which is great. No, I don't
feel totally comfortable with him wanting to be dressed as a female and
go shopping where ever "Walmart, Costco," etc. I would defend him if
anyone said or did anything and I don't want that energy around him, me
and/or my family. When my kids had piercings and various colored
hair/green, pink, purple, etc., we got more kind sentiments than unkind,
yet the unkind were mixed with threats of physical violence. I enjoy
difference. I enjoy learning about new things. I love discovery. That
doesn't mean I haven't taken the time to work through my own fears
around certain subjects. I will always work on myself; creating my
"self." My kids see this and know they have that freedom, too. Michele
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Muzyczka
>My eldest is 8 and has hair down to his butt. Very long, very straightI'm always amazed at how people just don't look.
>and full. I can't tell you how many people have told me how lovely my
>DAUGHTER'S hair is. -sigh- To a certain extent, I really don't think
>most people would put it together. At least until he gets older and by
>then they'd be so used to him.
I'd say let him wear his hair long and wear girl's clothes. At this age
most people will see a girl.
Kelly
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand. --Linus
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/30/2004 9:23:52 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
michele-nappi@... writes:
People now say "how lucky he is to have you and your family." I strongly
believe we all have the right to be exactly who we are. It feels
patronizing to me sometimes when people/therapists/doctors say "wow! is
he lucky" like he is a stray dog that we took in, for lack of a better
way to say it at this time. I love dogs, by the way. Do you see what I
mean, though? Why would he need to be "lucky?" It is a way of saying
there is something big here that people are not totally comfortable with
and are exploring how they feel about it, which is great.<<<<
I don't know, Michelle. I think he's pretty lucky too!
As are you.
Sometimes a person will search and search for a group where he can be
himself and feel loved for who he is. Sometimes he never finds it; suicide is often
a result. Sometimes a family like yours just falls in his lap.
I think he's very lucky to have found you.
I wish more people were born into a group where they felt loved for who they
are.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
michele-nappi@... writes:
People now say "how lucky he is to have you and your family." I strongly
believe we all have the right to be exactly who we are. It feels
patronizing to me sometimes when people/therapists/doctors say "wow! is
he lucky" like he is a stray dog that we took in, for lack of a better
way to say it at this time. I love dogs, by the way. Do you see what I
mean, though? Why would he need to be "lucky?" It is a way of saying
there is something big here that people are not totally comfortable with
and are exploring how they feel about it, which is great.<<<<
I don't know, Michelle. I think he's pretty lucky too!
As are you.
Sometimes a person will search and search for a group where he can be
himself and feel loved for who he is. Sometimes he never finds it; suicide is often
a result. Sometimes a family like yours just falls in his lap.
I think he's very lucky to have found you.
I wish more people were born into a group where they felt loved for who they
are.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dana Matt
My 6 yo is TG--she has identified male since she could
speak...
I have found a list, if you're interested, called
TransKidsFamily at yahoogroups--it's for families of
TG kids.
Although I think that with unschooling it's really NOT
an issue, but I've read many posts on this list where
families have worked with the school district to help
a child change genders...usually happens after a
summer vacation, they come back to school and say "Oh,
by the way, the dr.s made a mistake and Jenny was
actually a boy, and his name is Bob" or something like
that....
We just tell everyone "Emma is a boy, although she
prefers her female name and the pronoun "she" because
she's used to them"...Everyone has been fine about it.
I'm sure as time goes on she will want to choose a
male name...but she's 6, she has time...
I'd be happy to talk more with you about this...
Dana
hoffmanwilson@...
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - 50x more storage than other providers!
http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail
speak...
I have found a list, if you're interested, called
TransKidsFamily at yahoogroups--it's for families of
TG kids.
Although I think that with unschooling it's really NOT
an issue, but I've read many posts on this list where
families have worked with the school district to help
a child change genders...usually happens after a
summer vacation, they come back to school and say "Oh,
by the way, the dr.s made a mistake and Jenny was
actually a boy, and his name is Bob" or something like
that....
We just tell everyone "Emma is a boy, although she
prefers her female name and the pronoun "she" because
she's used to them"...Everyone has been fine about it.
I'm sure as time goes on she will want to choose a
male name...but she's 6, she has time...
I'd be happy to talk more with you about this...
Dana
hoffmanwilson@...
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - 50x more storage than other providers!
http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail
pam sorooshian
On Sep 30, 2004, at 6:20 AM, michele-nappi@... wrote:
because they look around at most of the world and how most people
parent and know that most other parents would have made her life more
difficult, not made her feel supported.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
> Do you see what IPeople say that to me, too, though, about one of my own kids. It is
> mean, though? Why would he need to be "lucky?"
because they look around at most of the world and how most people
parent and know that most other parents would have made her life more
difficult, not made her feel supported.
-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.
sandy lubert
Michele-
At the risk of "discussing religion" (edit away, if you must), I
can't help but share with you that our Unitarian church celebrates
gay, bi-sexual, transgendered individuals and is a very supportive
community for those who embrace all kinds of diversity. Not sure how
much you know about UU, but you don't need to be Christian or
even "believe" (if that's an issue).
I think it's so important to surround our kids with a supportive
community. We've found that for our kids (and ourselves) at our UU
fellowship.
Just a suggestion.
-Sandy
At the risk of "discussing religion" (edit away, if you must), I
can't help but share with you that our Unitarian church celebrates
gay, bi-sexual, transgendered individuals and is a very supportive
community for those who embrace all kinds of diversity. Not sure how
much you know about UU, but you don't need to be Christian or
even "believe" (if that's an issue).
I think it's so important to surround our kids with a supportive
community. We've found that for our kids (and ourselves) at our UU
fellowship.
Just a suggestion.
-Sandy
Geneva Goza
Is Unitarian the same as Unity...which celebrates the Christ spirit in all of us?
----- Original Message -----
From: sandy lubert
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, October 03, 2004 8:52 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: transgender/long email
Michele-
At the risk of "discussing religion" (edit away, if you must), I
can't help but share with you that our Unitarian church celebrates
gay, bi-sexual, transgendered individuals and is a very supportive
community for those who embrace all kinds of diversity. Not sure how
much you know about UU, but you don't need to be Christian or
even "believe" (if that's an issue).
I think it's so important to surround our kids with a supportive
community. We've found that for our kids (and ourselves) at our UU
fellowship.
Just a suggestion.
-Sandy
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joanne Watson
In the Unitarian faith we share a unity of spiritual values, values
like love and acceptance of one another, which are imbedded in the
teachings of Christ. However, we are not a community united by shared
beliefs. Rather, we value practices like kindness and generosity of
spirit as a community, holding our mental formations of God each in our
own way, worshipping accordingly. It's a wonderful community in which
to raise conscious children.
Joanne
like love and acceptance of one another, which are imbedded in the
teachings of Christ. However, we are not a community united by shared
beliefs. Rather, we value practices like kindness and generosity of
spirit as a community, holding our mental formations of God each in our
own way, worshipping accordingly. It's a wonderful community in which
to raise conscious children.
Joanne
On Monday, October 4, 2004, at 10:52 AM, Geneva Goza wrote:
>
> Is Unitarian the same as Unity...which celebrates the Christ spirit in
> all of us?
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: sandy lubert
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Sunday, October 03, 2004 8:52 PM
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: transgender/long email
>
>
>
> Michele-
> At the risk of "discussing religion" (edit away, if you must), I
> can't help but share with you that our Unitarian church celebrates
> gay, bi-sexual, transgendered individuals and is a very supportive
> community for those who embrace all kinds of diversity. Not sure how
> much you know about UU, but you don't need to be Christian or
> even "believe" (if that's an issue).
> I think it's so important to surround our kids with a supportive
> community. We've found that for our kids (and ourselves) at our UU
> fellowship.
> Just a suggestion.
> -Sandy
>
>
>
>
>
> Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
> ADVERTISEMENT
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> [email protected]
>
> c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of
> Service.
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
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>
> Yahoo! Groups Links
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J. Stauffer
<<<<Is Unitarian the same as Unity...which celebrates the Christ spirit in all of us?>>>>>
No.
Unitarian Universalists tend to believe that the individual's right to search for their own meaning of life is to be respected. They tend to believe that there is one God/Goddess and that the individual must decide how that God/Goddess communes with the individual. For some people, God/Goddess may even be intellect or scientific inquiry.
In our UU church, we have people who describe themselves as agnostics, atheists, deists, hindu, christian, pagan, buddhist, married, single, straight, gay, transgendered, bisexual....all working together, respectfully, to make the world a better place.
Julie S.---another UU
No.
Unitarian Universalists tend to believe that the individual's right to search for their own meaning of life is to be respected. They tend to believe that there is one God/Goddess and that the individual must decide how that God/Goddess communes with the individual. For some people, God/Goddess may even be intellect or scientific inquiry.
In our UU church, we have people who describe themselves as agnostics, atheists, deists, hindu, christian, pagan, buddhist, married, single, straight, gay, transgendered, bisexual....all working together, respectfully, to make the world a better place.
Julie S.---another UU
----- Original Message -----
From: Geneva Goza
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, October 04, 2004 9:52 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: transgender/long email
Is Unitarian the same as Unity...which celebrates the Christ spirit in all of us?
----- Original Message -----
From: sandy lubert
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, October 03, 2004 8:52 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: transgender/long email
Michele-
At the risk of "discussing religion" (edit away, if you must), I
can't help but share with you that our Unitarian church celebrates
gay, bi-sexual, transgendered individuals and is a very supportive
community for those who embrace all kinds of diversity. Not sure how
much you know about UU, but you don't need to be Christian or
even "believe" (if that's an issue).
I think it's so important to surround our kids with a supportive
community. We've found that for our kids (and ourselves) at our UU
fellowship.
Just a suggestion.
-Sandy
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
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Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]