kids asking for things
Colleen in GA
Hey Dear Readers:
for those of you that attended the recent Live and Learn Conf, I am referring to Kelly Lovejoy's article in our attendee's binder entitled: "The Three Stages of Unschooling" Stage 1. To reference my thoughts, here is part of Kelly's writing:
"Two of my passions as a child were dogs and horses. Dogs and horses are NOT taught in any grade, Middle or HIgh School *!* know of. But I wanted to learn everything I could about them. My parents gave me dogs and horses. They bought me books and paid for me to take riding lessons and dog obedience classes, They paid for dog and horse shows and equipment.........."
Now Kelly, as a child, was "bold" (bold may not be the proper nference here!) enough to ask, mention or suggest to her parents , her interests. and they responded. But what if you have a child ( maybe a really shy one in the family) who may not want to "bother " his parents with his needs (maybe really feel not worthy to deserve them) or just afraid to ask, for feeling that he may be rejected,,,,,, Some kids are truly gifted to be frugal and may not see the need or feel the need to buy things for just themselves. They may be thinking that spending the money on themselves is/would be a waste of money.
How do you go about telling a child that it is OK to think about their personal wants as not being selfish, self-centered or such.? And let the child to gradually see that their wants are important too!
Colleen in GA
PS maybe Kelly was raised as an only child !!
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
for those of you that attended the recent Live and Learn Conf, I am referring to Kelly Lovejoy's article in our attendee's binder entitled: "The Three Stages of Unschooling" Stage 1. To reference my thoughts, here is part of Kelly's writing:
"Two of my passions as a child were dogs and horses. Dogs and horses are NOT taught in any grade, Middle or HIgh School *!* know of. But I wanted to learn everything I could about them. My parents gave me dogs and horses. They bought me books and paid for me to take riding lessons and dog obedience classes, They paid for dog and horse shows and equipment.........."
Now Kelly, as a child, was "bold" (bold may not be the proper nference here!) enough to ask, mention or suggest to her parents , her interests. and they responded. But what if you have a child ( maybe a really shy one in the family) who may not want to "bother " his parents with his needs (maybe really feel not worthy to deserve them) or just afraid to ask, for feeling that he may be rejected,,,,,, Some kids are truly gifted to be frugal and may not see the need or feel the need to buy things for just themselves. They may be thinking that spending the money on themselves is/would be a waste of money.
How do you go about telling a child that it is OK to think about their personal wants as not being selfish, self-centered or such.? And let the child to gradually see that their wants are important too!
Colleen in GA
PS maybe Kelly was raised as an only child !!
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/29/2004 2:07:15 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
technomom4@... writes:
Now Kelly, as a child, was "bold" (bold may not be the proper nference
here!) enough to ask, mention or suggest to her parents , her interests. and
they responded. But what if you have a child ( maybe a really shy one in the
family) who may not want to "bother " his parents with his needs (maybe really
feel not worthy to deserve them) or just afraid to ask, for feeling that he
may be rejected,,,,,, Some kids are truly gifted to be frugal and may not see
the need or feel the need to buy things for just themselves. They may be
thinking that spending the money on themselves is/would be a waste of money.
How do you go about telling a child that it is OK to think about their
personal wants as not being selfish, self-centered or such.? And let the child to
gradually see that their wants are important too!
Colleen in GA
PS maybe Kelly was raised as an only child !!
<g> I only WANTED to be an only child----and I acted as if I were! <G> Still
do.
You're assuming a lot, Colleen!
I dreamed about horses. I talked incessantly about them. I drew them. I read
about them---fiction and non-fiction. I pretended to BE one----but I never
asked. Horses are expensive----and I knew that. Keeping a horse is even MORE
expensive----cheapest thing about a horse is the horse itself! <G> I also knew
that money doesn't grow on trees. I never asked.
One day, Daddy took me out into the car (only quiet place) and said that I
was now 13 and would soon be "discovering boys." He thought I should be able to
pursue this horse passion before I got "boy-crazy" ,so he thought now was
the time to buy me a horse!
HUH? <g>
It didn't take long to locate Bullet, my first horse!
I tell my kids that their happiness is very important and that I'm willing
to go without a few things in order to help them find their passions. I do
that every day. Most of our $$ right now goes towards "education"---and since
our "educational plan" involves finding their passions, well....it's pretty
easy to do that! <G> And to justify it! <BWG>
Does he have NO passions? Hell, I'd just BUY it---whether he thinks he's
worth it or not! <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
technomom4@... writes:
Now Kelly, as a child, was "bold" (bold may not be the proper nference
here!) enough to ask, mention or suggest to her parents , her interests. and
they responded. But what if you have a child ( maybe a really shy one in the
family) who may not want to "bother " his parents with his needs (maybe really
feel not worthy to deserve them) or just afraid to ask, for feeling that he
may be rejected,,,,,, Some kids are truly gifted to be frugal and may not see
the need or feel the need to buy things for just themselves. They may be
thinking that spending the money on themselves is/would be a waste of money.
How do you go about telling a child that it is OK to think about their
personal wants as not being selfish, self-centered or such.? And let the child to
gradually see that their wants are important too!
Colleen in GA
PS maybe Kelly was raised as an only child !!
<g> I only WANTED to be an only child----and I acted as if I were! <G> Still
do.
You're assuming a lot, Colleen!
I dreamed about horses. I talked incessantly about them. I drew them. I read
about them---fiction and non-fiction. I pretended to BE one----but I never
asked. Horses are expensive----and I knew that. Keeping a horse is even MORE
expensive----cheapest thing about a horse is the horse itself! <G> I also knew
that money doesn't grow on trees. I never asked.
One day, Daddy took me out into the car (only quiet place) and said that I
was now 13 and would soon be "discovering boys." He thought I should be able to
pursue this horse passion before I got "boy-crazy" ,so he thought now was
the time to buy me a horse!
HUH? <g>
It didn't take long to locate Bullet, my first horse!
I tell my kids that their happiness is very important and that I'm willing
to go without a few things in order to help them find their passions. I do
that every day. Most of our $$ right now goes towards "education"---and since
our "educational plan" involves finding their passions, well....it's pretty
easy to do that! <G> And to justify it! <BWG>
Does he have NO passions? Hell, I'd just BUY it---whether he thinks he's
worth it or not! <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/29/2004 3:04:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
He thought I should be able to
pursue this horse passion before I got "boy-crazy" ,so he thought now was
the time to buy me a horse!
HUH? <g>
It didn't take long to locate Bullet, my first horse!<<<
OH!
And the boy crazy thang never came. Horses lasted for YEARS! <G> My mother
KNEW I was a lesbian! <G> Actually, I just wanted to marry a horse. <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
He thought I should be able to
pursue this horse passion before I got "boy-crazy" ,so he thought now was
the time to buy me a horse!
HUH? <g>
It didn't take long to locate Bullet, my first horse!<<<
OH!
And the boy crazy thang never came. Horses lasted for YEARS! <G> My mother
KNEW I was a lesbian! <G> Actually, I just wanted to marry a horse. <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela S
* Actually, I just wanted to marry a horse. <g>
~Kelly
[Angela] -----------------------------------
You and my two dd's. :0)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
~Kelly
[Angela] -----------------------------------
You and my two dd's. :0)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
<<<<<How do you go about telling a child that it is OK to think about their personal wants as not being selfish, self-centered or such.? And let the child to gradually see that their wants are important too! >>>>
By treating that child as though they are important and by modeling "taking care of your needs" for your child.
That said, the child may not be interested in buying things for themselves.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of presents for me. I don't want flowers or cards or jewelry or any of that kind of stuff. When I buy something it is usually for some family project but it makes me happy. When presents are "required", I usually ask for something to go with one of these projects. (Dh is secretly thrilled but has trouble explaining to his co-workers that I really did want an egg incubator for our anniversary.)
Perhaps your child is more interested in time, "elbow room", activities, etc., rather than things?
Just a thought.
Julie S.
By treating that child as though they are important and by modeling "taking care of your needs" for your child.
That said, the child may not be interested in buying things for themselves.
Personally, I'm not a big fan of presents for me. I don't want flowers or cards or jewelry or any of that kind of stuff. When I buy something it is usually for some family project but it makes me happy. When presents are "required", I usually ask for something to go with one of these projects. (Dh is secretly thrilled but has trouble explaining to his co-workers that I really did want an egg incubator for our anniversary.)
Perhaps your child is more interested in time, "elbow room", activities, etc., rather than things?
Just a thought.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Colleen in GA
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, September 29, 2004 11:58 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] kids asking for things
Hey Dear Readers:
for those of you that attended the recent Live and Learn Conf, I am referring to Kelly Lovejoy's article in our attendee's binder entitled: "The Three Stages of Unschooling" Stage 1. To reference my thoughts, here is part of Kelly's writing:
"Two of my passions as a child were dogs and horses. Dogs and horses are NOT taught in any grade, Middle or HIgh School *!* know of. But I wanted to learn everything I could about them. My parents gave me dogs and horses. They bought me books and paid for me to take riding lessons and dog obedience classes, They paid for dog and horse shows and equipment.........."
Now Kelly, as a child, was "bold" (bold may not be the proper nference here!) enough to ask, mention or suggest to her parents , her interests. and they responded. But what if you have a child ( maybe a really shy one in the family) who may not want to "bother " his parents with his needs (maybe really feel not worthy to deserve them) or just afraid to ask, for feeling that he may be rejected,,,,,, Some kids are truly gifted to be frugal and may not see the need or feel the need to buy things for just themselves. They may be thinking that spending the money on themselves is/would be a waste of money.
How do you go about telling a child that it is OK to think about their personal wants as not being selfish, self-centered or such.? And let the child to gradually see that their wants are important too!
Colleen in GA
PS maybe Kelly was raised as an only child !!
---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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J. Stauffer
<<<<And the boy crazy thang never came. Horses lasted for YEARS!>>>>>
I knew a family once that absolutely lived horses. They went without many things so the kids could ride and show. The mom told me once that was her "discipline plan" (to use the term extremely loosely). She said as long as she allowed her kids to be "knee-deep in manure" there were no serious problems with the kids.
People have a tremendous amount of physical, mental and spiritual energy. I think when kids get to follow their passions wherever that may lead it allows them to focus all of that into something positive.
The energy is going to go somewhere....it will probably be best if it goes into something you love.
Julie S.
I knew a family once that absolutely lived horses. They went without many things so the kids could ride and show. The mom told me once that was her "discipline plan" (to use the term extremely loosely). She said as long as she allowed her kids to be "knee-deep in manure" there were no serious problems with the kids.
People have a tremendous amount of physical, mental and spiritual energy. I think when kids get to follow their passions wherever that may lead it allows them to focus all of that into something positive.
The energy is going to go somewhere....it will probably be best if it goes into something you love.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: kbcdlovejo@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, September 29, 2004 2:07 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] kids asking for things
In a message dated 9/29/2004 3:04:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
He thought I should be able to
pursue this horse passion before I got "boy-crazy" ,so he thought now was
the time to buy me a horse!
HUH? <g>
It didn't take long to locate Bullet, my first horse!<<<
OH!
And the boy crazy thang never came. Horses lasted for YEARS! <G> My mother
KNEW I was a lesbian! <G> Actually, I just wanted to marry a horse. <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
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Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/30/2004 6:43:33 AM Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
And the boy crazy thang never came. Horses lasted for YEARS! <G> My mother
KNEW I was a lesbian! <G> Actually, I just wanted to marry a horse. <g>
************************
For a couple of years my sister wanted to marry an aligator.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
And the boy crazy thang never came. Horses lasted for YEARS! <G> My mother
KNEW I was a lesbian! <G> Actually, I just wanted to marry a horse. <g>
************************
For a couple of years my sister wanted to marry an aligator.
Kathryn
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/30/2004 9:01:55 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
jnjstau@... writes:
People have a tremendous amount of physical, mental and spiritual energy. I
think when kids get to follow their passions wherever that may lead it
allows them to focus all of that into something positive. <<<<<
Cameron sadly told me yesterday that every one of his friends is on
probation. They're all also in school.
His passions keep Cameron busy enough and focussed enough and engaged enough
to keep out of 'trouble'. His friends have nothing to engage them----it's as
if they're *looking* for trouble. And boy, do they plop right down into it!
They're all good, sweet kids----they really are. Just lost and without
passion.
Yeah---I used to say that at least my parents KNEW where I was!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jnjstau@... writes:
People have a tremendous amount of physical, mental and spiritual energy. I
think when kids get to follow their passions wherever that may lead it
allows them to focus all of that into something positive. <<<<<
Cameron sadly told me yesterday that every one of his friends is on
probation. They're all also in school.
His passions keep Cameron busy enough and focussed enough and engaged enough
to keep out of 'trouble'. His friends have nothing to engage them----it's as
if they're *looking* for trouble. And boy, do they plop right down into it!
They're all good, sweet kids----they really are. Just lost and without
passion.
>>>She said as long as she allowed her kids to be "knee-deep in manure"there were no serious problems with the kids.<<<<
Yeah---I used to say that at least my parents KNEW where I was!
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/30/2004 9:31:36 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
jnjstau@... writes:
Personally, I'm not a big fan of presents for me. I don't want flowers or
cards or jewelry or any of that kind of stuff. When I buy something it is
usually for some family project but it makes me happy. When presents are
"required", I usually ask for something to go with one of these projects. (Dh is
secretly thrilled but has trouble explaining to his co-workers that I really
did want an egg incubator for our anniversary.)<<<<<
Yeah, I'm known as the "low maintenance wife" by all Ben's friends.
They were all in shock when Ben told then that what I wanted for Christmas
two years ago was a load of dirt. For the garden.
His buds were busy buying jewelry and clothes. And I just wanted dirt. <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jnjstau@... writes:
Personally, I'm not a big fan of presents for me. I don't want flowers or
cards or jewelry or any of that kind of stuff. When I buy something it is
usually for some family project but it makes me happy. When presents are
"required", I usually ask for something to go with one of these projects. (Dh is
secretly thrilled but has trouble explaining to his co-workers that I really
did want an egg incubator for our anniversary.)<<<<<
Yeah, I'm known as the "low maintenance wife" by all Ben's friends.
They were all in shock when Ben told then that what I wanted for Christmas
two years ago was a load of dirt. For the garden.
His buds were busy buying jewelry and clothes. And I just wanted dirt. <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<<They were all in shock when Ben told then that what I wanted for
Christmas
two years ago was a load of dirt. For the garden.>>>
I was *so* happy to finally get a really good vacuum cleaner for my
birthday!
Robyn L. Coburn
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Christmas
two years ago was a load of dirt. For the garden.>>>
I was *so* happy to finally get a really good vacuum cleaner for my
birthday!
Robyn L. Coburn
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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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