Saying yes, money, and lots of stuff
Zoa Conner
I am having trouble and could use to listen to some new voices. In my
transition to RU, I have been trying very hard to say yes to ds9¹s requests
and to meet his needs _and wants_. DH is following my path to RU from a
distance and at a slower rate. Based on ds9¹s request, we have recently
purchased a game system (used xbox), ds has used his money to purchase an
ipod and songs, we are buying the food he asks for (that no one else eats),
and we are trying our best to give him free choice in every way.
So what¹s the problem? Now he wants an electric scooter/ride on toy. He has
talked himself into wanting a $470 model (up from 2 days ago when he wanted
a $200 electric scooter like one he used on a trip last week). He says we
have plenty of $$ and he should be able to get it this week. I spent an
entire day going over our family finances (again) with him, talking about
how we have to build our savings back up because we just paid cash for a
car, we need to save the $ for going to L&L (which he begged to do), etc. We
have been talking for months about budgets, cash flow (he has his own bank
account with ATM and uses quicken to track expenses), saving up for things
like the taxes on our house, etc. He is still stuck on the amount of $
flowing in and says he should get the scooter without having to wait. He is
willing to pay $40 towards the scooter.
We have in the past purchased things that were pricier than we would have
liked when we felt the money would be well spent. He has 3 bikes (one is a
racing bike since he is a bike racer and he can go faster than this electric
scooter!). He has nowhere to ride this scooter besides our driveway and our
small neighborhood road. My husband is having big problems with laying out
that much cash for something he sees no value in, anticipates very little
use of, and has not been a desire very long. He sees many adults who behave
in the same way wrt $$ and regards them as not being financially stable in
the long term.
DS earned $ last month mowing a friend¹s lawn and put that $ towards his
ipod. He saved and contributed to the racing bike last year because he
really wanted that one versus a less expensive model. Saving for big things
is not foreign for him. He was very proud of himself and his ability to save
for something really important when he paid for his bike and his ipod.
There is a lot of tension in our house right now. Any ideas how to release
some tension and come to some agreement?
Ciao,
Zoa
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
transition to RU, I have been trying very hard to say yes to ds9¹s requests
and to meet his needs _and wants_. DH is following my path to RU from a
distance and at a slower rate. Based on ds9¹s request, we have recently
purchased a game system (used xbox), ds has used his money to purchase an
ipod and songs, we are buying the food he asks for (that no one else eats),
and we are trying our best to give him free choice in every way.
So what¹s the problem? Now he wants an electric scooter/ride on toy. He has
talked himself into wanting a $470 model (up from 2 days ago when he wanted
a $200 electric scooter like one he used on a trip last week). He says we
have plenty of $$ and he should be able to get it this week. I spent an
entire day going over our family finances (again) with him, talking about
how we have to build our savings back up because we just paid cash for a
car, we need to save the $ for going to L&L (which he begged to do), etc. We
have been talking for months about budgets, cash flow (he has his own bank
account with ATM and uses quicken to track expenses), saving up for things
like the taxes on our house, etc. He is still stuck on the amount of $
flowing in and says he should get the scooter without having to wait. He is
willing to pay $40 towards the scooter.
We have in the past purchased things that were pricier than we would have
liked when we felt the money would be well spent. He has 3 bikes (one is a
racing bike since he is a bike racer and he can go faster than this electric
scooter!). He has nowhere to ride this scooter besides our driveway and our
small neighborhood road. My husband is having big problems with laying out
that much cash for something he sees no value in, anticipates very little
use of, and has not been a desire very long. He sees many adults who behave
in the same way wrt $$ and regards them as not being financially stable in
the long term.
DS earned $ last month mowing a friend¹s lawn and put that $ towards his
ipod. He saved and contributed to the racing bike last year because he
really wanted that one versus a less expensive model. Saving for big things
is not foreign for him. He was very proud of himself and his ability to save
for something really important when he paid for his bike and his ipod.
There is a lot of tension in our house right now. Any ideas how to release
some tension and come to some agreement?
Ciao,
Zoa
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
If it were $470 for something you valued, would the money be there? It
sounds like there's a mixed message - you don't have the money, but
you do if *you thought* the money would be "well spent". Either the
money's there or it's not. If it would be there for something you
would choose for your son, it should be there for something he chooses
himself.
Caren
sounds like there's a mixed message - you don't have the money, but
you do if *you thought* the money would be "well spent". Either the
money's there or it's not. If it would be there for something you
would choose for your son, it should be there for something he chooses
himself.
Caren
Judy R
Well, family finances are real - I would think the whole family should have a say - could any one person in the family, kid or otherwise, say, "I want this and I want it now" without having to consult with the other members and all deciding together - it's tough making group decisions and this is part of the process - I think you are honouring your child *as a member of a group* - - would the same process apply if one of the parents wanted a non-essential item - (i.e. not food or shelter) isn't So can we throw everybody's non-essentials into the same pot? And go through the same process? ...don't know, just asking...
----- Original Message -----
From: Zoa Conner
To: unschoolingbasics
Sent: Wednesday, June 04, 2008 9:10 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Saying yes, money, and lots of stuff
I am having trouble and could use to listen to some new voices. In my
transition to RU, I have been trying very hard to say yes to ds9¹s requests
and to meet his needs _and wants_. DH is following my path to RU from a
distance and at a slower rate. Based on ds9¹s request, we have recently
purchased a game system (used xbox), ds has used his money to purchase an
ipod and songs, we are buying the food he asks for (that no one else eats),
and we are trying our best to give him free choice in every way.
So what¹s the problem? Now he wants an electric scooter/ride on toy. He has
talked himself into wanting a $470 model (up from 2 days ago when he wanted
a $200 electric scooter like one he used on a trip last week). He says we
have plenty of $$ and he should be able to get it this week. I spent an
entire day going over our family finances (again) with him, talking about
how we have to build our savings back up because we just paid cash for a
car, we need to save the $ for going to L&L (which he begged to do), etc. We
have been talking for months about budgets, cash flow (he has his own bank
account with ATM and uses quicken to track expenses), saving up for things
like the taxes on our house, etc. He is still stuck on the amount of $
flowing in and says he should get the scooter without having to wait. He is
willing to pay $40 towards the scooter.
We have in the past purchased things that were pricier than we would have
liked when we felt the money would be well spent. He has 3 bikes (one is a
racing bike since he is a bike racer and he can go faster than this electric
scooter!). He has nowhere to ride this scooter besides our driveway and our
small neighborhood road. My husband is having big problems with laying out
that much cash for something he sees no value in, anticipates very little
use of, and has not been a desire very long. He sees many adults who behave
in the same way wrt $$ and regards them as not being financially stable in
the long term.
DS earned $ last month mowing a friend¹s lawn and put that $ towards his
ipod. He saved and contributed to the racing bike last year because he
really wanted that one versus a less expensive model. Saving for big things
is not foreign for him. He was very proud of himself and his ability to save
for something really important when he paid for his bike and his ipod.
There is a lot of tension in our house right now. Any ideas how to release
some tension and come to some agreement?
Ciao,
Zoa
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]