Need help finding my way
Kelly & Rachel
I am relatively new to the concept Radical Unschooling. My children have
never been to school, but have done variations of schooling at home. I have
spent time with a regimented schedule and learning process. I have spent
time with all learning through play happened. I have tried variations in
the middle to see what fit. As it is now, I am finding that my children are
thriving as unschoolers. I don't know that I would call myself radical yet.
What I am wondering is how the adults made the transition from being schooly
(either recently or from years past) to RU. I am having a tough time
getting the household chores done. Don't get me wrong, I want to play with
my kids all the time. They are 9, 7, & 4. They are delightful. Where I am
running into issues is knowing that I need to run laundry or clean the
kitchen, but we'd all rather play a game. How do you get the cleaning stuff
done on a daily basis while being free in your schedule?
I'm going through my transition to unschooling and am having arguments with
that little voice in my head saying that I should get one more task done
before I play the next game. Any suggestions on transitioning, scheduling,
or including the housework into the play-day?
Thanks,
Rachel
'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'
- unknown
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
never been to school, but have done variations of schooling at home. I have
spent time with a regimented schedule and learning process. I have spent
time with all learning through play happened. I have tried variations in
the middle to see what fit. As it is now, I am finding that my children are
thriving as unschoolers. I don't know that I would call myself radical yet.
What I am wondering is how the adults made the transition from being schooly
(either recently or from years past) to RU. I am having a tough time
getting the household chores done. Don't get me wrong, I want to play with
my kids all the time. They are 9, 7, & 4. They are delightful. Where I am
running into issues is knowing that I need to run laundry or clean the
kitchen, but we'd all rather play a game. How do you get the cleaning stuff
done on a daily basis while being free in your schedule?
I'm going through my transition to unschooling and am having arguments with
that little voice in my head saying that I should get one more task done
before I play the next game. Any suggestions on transitioning, scheduling,
or including the housework into the play-day?
Thanks,
Rachel
'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'
- unknown
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pamela Sorooshian
On May 31, 2008, at 8:52 AM, Kelly & Rachel wrote:
cleared off the dining room table - which was piled with junk mail,
and so on. My 17 yo cleared up the bathroom yesterday, but didn't
sweep the floor and I have that on my mental list to do, because I
notice every time I visit the bathroom (now that the room is clean,
the unswept floor is calling to me <G>).
The house is cluttered. The kids do their own laundry - but mine is
piled up in the laundry room waiting to be folded and put away. In the
meantime, I'm running out the door to go to my 23 year old's house -
we're going to cook some stuff from a new cookbook we both just got
(Hungry Girl) and we're going to make artist trading cards.
So - just get used to doing what you can, ignoring the rest. And
practice fitting it in in little bits during the whole day's flow. It
is STILL like that for us. The BIG secret for me, about housework, was
not to think of it as big lumpy jobs, but as constant little bits of
"not-much." Fold a few things here, put a few things away there. Wipe
off a counter, clean a sink. I don't often "clean the kitchen" - but I
clean up bits of it almost every time I'm in there. I don't "clean out
the refrigerator" but I clean out the inside of one door or just the
fruit drawer - or I sort of browse through the fridge when I'm getting
something and I toss some old leftovers right then.
So lots of housework gets done sort of without fanfare or much notice.
When I decide to tackle something bigger - clean out a closet or
reorganize shelves or something - kids will soemtimes get involved if
I say, "Hey, want to help?"
-Pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> What I am wondering is how the adults made the transition from beingMy kids are 17, 20, and 23. I just quickly unloaded the dishwasher. I
> schooly
> (either recently or from years past) to RU. I am having a tough time
> getting the household chores done. Don't get me wrong, I want to
> play with
> my kids all the time. They are 9, 7, & 4. They are delightful. Where
> I am
> running into issues is knowing that I need to run laundry or clean the
> kitchen, but we'd all rather play a game. How do you get the
> cleaning stuff
> done on a daily basis while being free in your schedule?
cleared off the dining room table - which was piled with junk mail,
and so on. My 17 yo cleared up the bathroom yesterday, but didn't
sweep the floor and I have that on my mental list to do, because I
notice every time I visit the bathroom (now that the room is clean,
the unswept floor is calling to me <G>).
The house is cluttered. The kids do their own laundry - but mine is
piled up in the laundry room waiting to be folded and put away. In the
meantime, I'm running out the door to go to my 23 year old's house -
we're going to cook some stuff from a new cookbook we both just got
(Hungry Girl) and we're going to make artist trading cards.
So - just get used to doing what you can, ignoring the rest. And
practice fitting it in in little bits during the whole day's flow. It
is STILL like that for us. The BIG secret for me, about housework, was
not to think of it as big lumpy jobs, but as constant little bits of
"not-much." Fold a few things here, put a few things away there. Wipe
off a counter, clean a sink. I don't often "clean the kitchen" - but I
clean up bits of it almost every time I'm in there. I don't "clean out
the refrigerator" but I clean out the inside of one door or just the
fruit drawer - or I sort of browse through the fridge when I'm getting
something and I toss some old leftovers right then.
So lots of housework gets done sort of without fanfare or much notice.
When I decide to tackle something bigger - clean out a closet or
reorganize shelves or something - kids will soemtimes get involved if
I say, "Hey, want to help?"
-Pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
keetry
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
get to. My children are younger, 4 years and 11 months
breastfeeding, so there are a lot of times when I *have* to attend
to them and really *can't* fold the laundry. When I do get a moment
to myself I definitely don't want to spend it cleaning. I've never
been an over-achiever in the housework department, anyway, so it's
probably easier for me to walk away from it.
There is almost always a basket of laundry sitting in the hall by
the machines, either waiting to be washed or waiting to be brought
upstairs to be folded and put away, each of those things done one at
a time. The kitchen floor needs to be swept every day but isn't
always. I got a Roomba that I can turn on downstairs and then come
upstairs or outside and let it run. It doesn't get every little bit
off the floor but it's better than nothing. (Although, I read on the
box that it cancer known carcinogens that can cause reproductive
problems. Not sure what that is about.) There are toys all over the
place. I like that, though. It means my kid has been having fun.
My husband does a lot because he cares more about things being neat
(not necessarily clean). He likes to pick up the toys in the
playroom and wash the dishes. He fold laundry on the weekends or at
night if I leave it piled on the bed. He occupies the kids on the
weekends so I can clean a bathroom or mop a floor.
It does bother me sometimes. I'll get overwhelmed if I think about
everything that needs to be done every day. I tend to shut down when
that happens so things just get worse. I just try not to think about
it too much. It's a conscious effort sometimes.
Alysia
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>This is the key for me. I do little bits every day, whatever I can
>
>just get used to doing what you can, ignoring the rest. And
> practice fitting it in in little bits during the whole day's flow.
get to. My children are younger, 4 years and 11 months
breastfeeding, so there are a lot of times when I *have* to attend
to them and really *can't* fold the laundry. When I do get a moment
to myself I definitely don't want to spend it cleaning. I've never
been an over-achiever in the housework department, anyway, so it's
probably easier for me to walk away from it.
There is almost always a basket of laundry sitting in the hall by
the machines, either waiting to be washed or waiting to be brought
upstairs to be folded and put away, each of those things done one at
a time. The kitchen floor needs to be swept every day but isn't
always. I got a Roomba that I can turn on downstairs and then come
upstairs or outside and let it run. It doesn't get every little bit
off the floor but it's better than nothing. (Although, I read on the
box that it cancer known carcinogens that can cause reproductive
problems. Not sure what that is about.) There are toys all over the
place. I like that, though. It means my kid has been having fun.
My husband does a lot because he cares more about things being neat
(not necessarily clean). He likes to pick up the toys in the
playroom and wash the dishes. He fold laundry on the weekends or at
night if I leave it piled on the bed. He occupies the kids on the
weekends so I can clean a bathroom or mop a floor.
It does bother me sometimes. I'll get overwhelmed if I think about
everything that needs to be done every day. I tend to shut down when
that happens so things just get worse. I just try not to think about
it too much. It's a conscious effort sometimes.
Alysia
Judy R
----- Original Message -----
From: keetry
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, June 01, 2008 8:42 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Need help finding my way
--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
>
>just get used to doing what you can, ignoring the rest. And
> practice fitting it in in little bits during the whole day's flow.
This is the key for me. I do little bits every day, whatever I can
get to. My children are younger, 4 years and 11 months
breastfeeding, so there are a lot of times when I *have* to attend
to them and really *can't* fold the laundry.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-====
*fold* the laundry? I never fold laundry! Except tea towels becuase they won't fit in the drawer otherwise. I hang up everything that I wear, except underwear - for the baby clothes, why not jsut leave them a basket - I used different coloured basskets - white for clean :-), some other colour for dirty -
My husband does a lot because he cares more about things being neat
(not necessarily clean). He likes to pick up the toys in the
playroom and wash the dishes. He fold laundry on the weekends or at
night if I leave it piled on the bed. He occupies the kids on the
weekends so I can clean a bathroom or mop a floor.
-=-=-=-=-====-
WHOA! Can you hire him out!? My ex-husband did abolsutely *zero* and when the girls got older he spent a lot of time yelling at them to try and get *them* to clean up (he himself is pretty much the messiest person in the universe, but for some reason *other* people's mess drives him *insane*)
It does bother me sometimes. I'll get overwhelmed if I think about
everything that needs to be done every day. I tend to shut down when
that happens so things just get worse. I just try not to think about
it too much. It's a conscious effort sometimes.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It *is* overwhelming to think about everything that needs to be done - and of course the thing about housework is that - it's never done! You are always somewhere in the middle! I found for myself lately that that has actually helped, because I do what I can do it that moment, right then, and that has to be enough - because you*will* drive yourself truly insane if you worry about it.
You have done a lot towards simplifying and you have help! All you can do is the best you can do - perfectionistic ideas will just defeat you...
Eckhart Tolle (The New Earth) talks about keeping our minds totally in the present moment, allowing worry about the past and the future to drop away - because they don't exist. And worry about housework is a constant critical voice going on in the background of our minds - try to capture that stream of consciousness - what is that voice saying? "You are a bad mother, your children are growing up in an unsanitary environment, you *should* be able to handle this, you are just lazy," etc, etc, etc - if you can tune into that voice, you can turn it OFF.
Judy R
Alysia
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Steph
Hi Rachel!
Huge hugs to you!!!! Group energy hug...come on you all!!! :) And
isn't there ANY other Flybabies on here??? Come on where are you all?
:) I won't go into great detail b/c it would get quite side tracked
and on the wrong yahoo group....but it all goes together....I would
suggest anyone in Rachel's situation to seriously consider checking
out Flylady.net Our dear Marla aka Flylady way and support from all us
Flybabies will DEFINITELY cure your overwhelming feeling of how to do
it all....babysteps, anything can be done in 15 minutes, humour and
remember not to beat yourself up!! Lost of support....
"You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want
you to jump in where we are. O.K.?" (this is a quote on every email
from Flylady) No beating yourself up...jump in where you are! :)
Steph
Flybaby in Maine :)
Huge hugs to you!!!! Group energy hug...come on you all!!! :) And
isn't there ANY other Flybabies on here??? Come on where are you all?
:) I won't go into great detail b/c it would get quite side tracked
and on the wrong yahoo group....but it all goes together....I would
suggest anyone in Rachel's situation to seriously consider checking
out Flylady.net Our dear Marla aka Flylady way and support from all us
Flybabies will DEFINITELY cure your overwhelming feeling of how to do
it all....babysteps, anything can be done in 15 minutes, humour and
remember not to beat yourself up!! Lost of support....
"You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want
you to jump in where we are. O.K.?" (this is a quote on every email
from Flylady) No beating yourself up...jump in where you are! :)
Steph
Flybaby in Maine :)
Debra Rossing
Running a load of laundry is a matter of "I'll be back in a minute,
pause the game" (or skip my turn, or whatever is appropriate for that
particular situation) - toss in the laundry, start it, you've got
somewhere between 20 and 40 minutes (depending on the wash settings for
your particular machine and load). Then, another 5 minutes to toss it
into the dryer and again 30-45 minutes or so for it to dry. Save the
folding for when everyone's content to watch a video or something. My DH
is the at home parent (and DS, turned 10 TODAY) is an only child so
there aren't siblings handy to "play with" if DH is not available.
They've decided that it works best (given there's only 3 of us) to spend
one day per week doing laundry. DH will get it sorted early in the
morning (he's up around 6, DS gets up anywhere from 7 to 11 depending on
when he went to sleep) and down to the basement laundry room. They'll
play videogames or whatever usual stuff they want to do with short
pauses for DH to switch laundry loads. Around 9 pm it all gets carried
back upstairs to the bedroom when DH and I head up. We'll pop in a DVD
or pick a TV program and have a folding party - DS often pops in if he's
not doing anything else and handles the washcloths, towels, and his
clothing (easier to manage because it's smaller than DH's 3X t-shirts).
Sometimes, if DS is occupied and DH wants to, he'll fold it as it gets
finished but that's not "required" - there are busy weeks when we live
out of the clean laundry baskets (we have separate baskets for clean and
dirty laundry).
Dishes sometimes get done immediately after the meal - since that's a
'break in the action' anyhow - but more often than not, the day's dishes
get done after dinner. Sometimes, DH will get the previous day's stuff
done in the early morning while DS is still asleep. And sometimes he'll
do it while DS is otherwise occupied in something (He's heavily into
designing new maps/scenarios in Warcraft, not WoW, related but not the
same thing).
Stuff like bathroom cleaning and sweeping floors and all (wood floors in
all but one room) gets done in one swoop usually on Saturday mornings.
That way, DH and I are both there and can kind of 'tag team' so that one
of us can be available when DS needs. For that matter, sometimes DS
chooses to come grocery shopping with me of a Saturday and DH will do a
once over on the house while we're gone.
Basically, sort out the "really need to get to" stuff from the "voices
in my head say I have to" stuff. Note there's no "have to" category
because there are really very few "have to"s in life - aside from death,
most other stuff is 'optional' we're just trained to think it's
required. Don't "have to" eat or breath or sleep even - of course, the
consequences of those are pretty dire past a certain point. This
morning, the dishes at our house 'really need to' get done - busy
weekend left more dishes than usual in the sink. Plus, with warmer
weather, the odds of flies and other critters increases so doing dishes
rises in the priority level. So, that's high on DH's list for today
(it's not a physical list, more of a general mental idea of what he
wants to do for the day) - dishes, duct tape, and DS' birthday dinner
tonight at our favorite sushi place. Everything else is negotiable. Last
night, DS asked if we could play MegaMonopoly after dinner - no problem,
just let me clear the table of the dinner stuff first, then I need to do
my 30 minutes on the treadmill (as a type 2 diabetic, daily exercise is
critical for my health so that's a priority item), so I should be ready
around <time> to play. I *could* have said "No I can't play, I have to
do the dishes" but really, there's no "have to" re: dishes - they'll
still be there in an hour or a day. The one thing that does get priority
is our individual mugs that we use for our evening tea time (somewhere
between 8 and 9 pm most evenings) - those get washed out even if there's
still a stack left, tea time is a priority.
Don't know if this will help much or if it's pretty much just an early
Monday morning ramble...
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pause the game" (or skip my turn, or whatever is appropriate for that
particular situation) - toss in the laundry, start it, you've got
somewhere between 20 and 40 minutes (depending on the wash settings for
your particular machine and load). Then, another 5 minutes to toss it
into the dryer and again 30-45 minutes or so for it to dry. Save the
folding for when everyone's content to watch a video or something. My DH
is the at home parent (and DS, turned 10 TODAY) is an only child so
there aren't siblings handy to "play with" if DH is not available.
They've decided that it works best (given there's only 3 of us) to spend
one day per week doing laundry. DH will get it sorted early in the
morning (he's up around 6, DS gets up anywhere from 7 to 11 depending on
when he went to sleep) and down to the basement laundry room. They'll
play videogames or whatever usual stuff they want to do with short
pauses for DH to switch laundry loads. Around 9 pm it all gets carried
back upstairs to the bedroom when DH and I head up. We'll pop in a DVD
or pick a TV program and have a folding party - DS often pops in if he's
not doing anything else and handles the washcloths, towels, and his
clothing (easier to manage because it's smaller than DH's 3X t-shirts).
Sometimes, if DS is occupied and DH wants to, he'll fold it as it gets
finished but that's not "required" - there are busy weeks when we live
out of the clean laundry baskets (we have separate baskets for clean and
dirty laundry).
Dishes sometimes get done immediately after the meal - since that's a
'break in the action' anyhow - but more often than not, the day's dishes
get done after dinner. Sometimes, DH will get the previous day's stuff
done in the early morning while DS is still asleep. And sometimes he'll
do it while DS is otherwise occupied in something (He's heavily into
designing new maps/scenarios in Warcraft, not WoW, related but not the
same thing).
Stuff like bathroom cleaning and sweeping floors and all (wood floors in
all but one room) gets done in one swoop usually on Saturday mornings.
That way, DH and I are both there and can kind of 'tag team' so that one
of us can be available when DS needs. For that matter, sometimes DS
chooses to come grocery shopping with me of a Saturday and DH will do a
once over on the house while we're gone.
Basically, sort out the "really need to get to" stuff from the "voices
in my head say I have to" stuff. Note there's no "have to" category
because there are really very few "have to"s in life - aside from death,
most other stuff is 'optional' we're just trained to think it's
required. Don't "have to" eat or breath or sleep even - of course, the
consequences of those are pretty dire past a certain point. This
morning, the dishes at our house 'really need to' get done - busy
weekend left more dishes than usual in the sink. Plus, with warmer
weather, the odds of flies and other critters increases so doing dishes
rises in the priority level. So, that's high on DH's list for today
(it's not a physical list, more of a general mental idea of what he
wants to do for the day) - dishes, duct tape, and DS' birthday dinner
tonight at our favorite sushi place. Everything else is negotiable. Last
night, DS asked if we could play MegaMonopoly after dinner - no problem,
just let me clear the table of the dinner stuff first, then I need to do
my 30 minutes on the treadmill (as a type 2 diabetic, daily exercise is
critical for my health so that's a priority item), so I should be ready
around <time> to play. I *could* have said "No I can't play, I have to
do the dishes" but really, there's no "have to" re: dishes - they'll
still be there in an hour or a day. The one thing that does get priority
is our individual mugs that we use for our evening tea time (somewhere
between 8 and 9 pm most evenings) - those get washed out even if there's
still a stack left, tea time is a priority.
Don't know if this will help much or if it's pretty much just an early
Monday morning ramble...
Deb
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are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
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This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
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CNC Software, Inc.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
keetry
It was a lot easier for me to get everything done when I only had one
child and I was working. A lot of it was because no one was home
during the day for 5 days out of the week. A lot less dishes and
things/toys were used. We would save all the cleaning except for daily
dishes until the weekend. I'd do everything on Sunday morning and we'd
still have the majority of the weekend to relax or do something fun.
Now with a baby and a young one and 3 of us at home every day it's a
lot harder. There's a lot more to do constantly. It's never done. It
really bothered me right after I had my second child but I've come to
realize it's just the nature of our lives now. I can have a clean home
when the kids are grown and I'm old and gray. Of course, by then I
probably won't be able to do as much physically so the house will
still be a mess. LOL
I am seeing that as my children get older every day I can do a little
more and still have time for them. Just like the bedtime thing, it's
changing every day. I have to be flexible and not expect to get
anything done. Then when I do get something done it feels good. I also
don't think of cleaning as something I *have* to do anymore. I
realized that I do it because I want to for one reason or another.
That makes doing it a lot more tolerable.
Alysia
child and I was working. A lot of it was because no one was home
during the day for 5 days out of the week. A lot less dishes and
things/toys were used. We would save all the cleaning except for daily
dishes until the weekend. I'd do everything on Sunday morning and we'd
still have the majority of the weekend to relax or do something fun.
Now with a baby and a young one and 3 of us at home every day it's a
lot harder. There's a lot more to do constantly. It's never done. It
really bothered me right after I had my second child but I've come to
realize it's just the nature of our lives now. I can have a clean home
when the kids are grown and I'm old and gray. Of course, by then I
probably won't be able to do as much physically so the house will
still be a mess. LOL
I am seeing that as my children get older every day I can do a little
more and still have time for them. Just like the bedtime thing, it's
changing every day. I have to be flexible and not expect to get
anything done. Then when I do get something done it feels good. I also
don't think of cleaning as something I *have* to do anymore. I
realized that I do it because I want to for one reason or another.
That makes doing it a lot more tolerable.
Alysia
Carron Armstrong
Me! I'm here -- Flybaby, Carron. I can do anything for 15 minutes!
Definitely check out www.flylady.net -- and especially the Yahoo group,
which has about a half million members.
Carron
Definitely check out www.flylady.net -- and especially the Yahoo group,
which has about a half million members.
Carron
On 6/1/08, Steph <scruffybc@...> wrote:
>
> Hi Rachel!
> Huge hugs to you!!!! Group energy hug...come on you all!!! :) And
> isn't there ANY other Flybabies on here??? Come on where are you all?
> :) I won't go into great detail b/c it would get quite side tracked
> and on the wrong yahoo group....but it all goes together....I would
> suggest anyone in Rachel's situation to seriously consider checking
> out Flylady.net Our dear Marla aka Flylady way and support from all us
> Flybabies will DEFINITELY cure your overwhelming feeling of how to do
> it all....babysteps, anything can be done in 15 minutes, humour and
> remember not to beat yourself up!! Lost of support....
>
> "You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want
> you to jump in where we are. O.K.?" (this is a quote on every email
> from Flylady) No beating yourself up...jump in where you are! :)
>
> Steph
> Flybaby in Maine :)
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
My mom's motto (which she may have gotten via Erma Bombeck, not sure
about that) was "what would you rather have on your tombstone: she had a
clean house or she always had time to play with the kids?" It was tough
on my mom - she's very much a tidy, keep it organized, type person BUT
she had a stroke when my sister (youngest of us 3) was 3 months old (Mom
was all of 28 at the time, I was 5, bro was 3). While she didn't have
any permanent damage from the stroke (thankfully), she did have to
ration her energy use because the stroke was just an effect of her
already-damaged heart muscle. Sometimes the dishes or the vacuuming had
to wait while she organized a Cub Scout meeting or baked cupcakes for a
class party at school or walked us around the block trick or treating.
Today, she's 70 years old and enjoying her 5 grandkids (and 3, soon to
be 4, grand dogs).
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
about that) was "what would you rather have on your tombstone: she had a
clean house or she always had time to play with the kids?" It was tough
on my mom - she's very much a tidy, keep it organized, type person BUT
she had a stroke when my sister (youngest of us 3) was 3 months old (Mom
was all of 28 at the time, I was 5, bro was 3). While she didn't have
any permanent damage from the stroke (thankfully), she did have to
ration her energy use because the stroke was just an effect of her
already-damaged heart muscle. Sometimes the dishes or the vacuuming had
to wait while she organized a Cub Scout meeting or baked cupcakes for a
class party at school or walked us around the block trick or treating.
Today, she's 70 years old and enjoying her 5 grandkids (and 3, soon to
be 4, grand dogs).
Deb
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This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
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CNC Software, Inc.
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