RU in every day adult life
Genevieve
I was wondering, how many of us actually take the RU lifestyle and
truely apply it to our lives outside of our family. I mean, when you
see someone struggling, and you have the energy or time, do you offer
help? I had a horrible experience with a supposed RU neighbor and am
just now able to talk about it because I was so hurt and traumatized.
I have Systemic Lupus as well as Fibromyalgia and have had to let go
of a lot of my standards of clean house perfectionism My husband has
to do a lot of the house work, and he does it very begrudgingly. We
don't have the funds or I would hire a house keeper. Recently I was
hospitalized a few times in a row and my doctor wrote a script to get
my landlord to allow me to have a live in helper, which has been
great, except he didn't realize that with the kids, keeping the house
and grounds requires more than just a staight 4 hours a day and then
I'm clocking out. But anyway, I went off topic. This RU parent,
during a time of crisis for me, when my 4 year old had wondered down
the runway to pick flowers(for me and we found this out after we
found her) and then decided to explore the forest (we still have no
idea how she got through the barbed wire fencing) and it was dusk so
after running around the whole farm, and seeing my "friend" I asked
her to call the police to help look, and 2 minutes later my dad, who
was visiting called the police too, just to make sure the call was
made. Anyway, after we found her, skipping through the forest next
door without a care in the world, and totally not scared until the
police officer got her, then she was scared and started to cry. But
that part of the story is really just an aside, what really hurt me
was that when the officers were taking reports later, on an official
report she told them that my house was a mess and I never supervise
my children. She told them my 4 year old and 2.5 year old were
outside all the time unsupervised, which never happened. There were
times when I would stay in the screened in porch with our newborn
while he was nursing and watch the two fo them play, SHe probably
couldn't see me if she was looking from her yard, but I was always
within earshot and I could always see them. When my 4yo got out, my
husband and step mom were in the kitchen talking and I had gone down
the driveway to show my dad where his lost luggage would be dropped
off, leaving the children with my step mom and my husband. They never
even heard the front door open when my daughter left. As someone who
deeply believes in compassion and helping our fellow humans, and
respect, if I had felt that way about a "friend's" house I would have
asked if they needed help, not reported them to a sheriff who then
has to file a DCF report and include that information. I mean,
there's always a reason, and our house has never ever been as bad as
the people they always show on the television who have bugs and food
everywhere, it's cluttered (mostly with toys and my preteen's random
stuff) but not really dirty. The caseworker who came out unannounced
closed the case immediately, but I still had to go through that
stress which makes the lupus worse. This happened almost a year ago.
I guess the whole point of this long post is, Do other people use the
tenats of respecting others views and differing situations/values in
their lives, or do we just keep this in the family, and if so, how is
that modeling respect and compassion for our kids?
Namaste,
Gen
truely apply it to our lives outside of our family. I mean, when you
see someone struggling, and you have the energy or time, do you offer
help? I had a horrible experience with a supposed RU neighbor and am
just now able to talk about it because I was so hurt and traumatized.
I have Systemic Lupus as well as Fibromyalgia and have had to let go
of a lot of my standards of clean house perfectionism My husband has
to do a lot of the house work, and he does it very begrudgingly. We
don't have the funds or I would hire a house keeper. Recently I was
hospitalized a few times in a row and my doctor wrote a script to get
my landlord to allow me to have a live in helper, which has been
great, except he didn't realize that with the kids, keeping the house
and grounds requires more than just a staight 4 hours a day and then
I'm clocking out. But anyway, I went off topic. This RU parent,
during a time of crisis for me, when my 4 year old had wondered down
the runway to pick flowers(for me and we found this out after we
found her) and then decided to explore the forest (we still have no
idea how she got through the barbed wire fencing) and it was dusk so
after running around the whole farm, and seeing my "friend" I asked
her to call the police to help look, and 2 minutes later my dad, who
was visiting called the police too, just to make sure the call was
made. Anyway, after we found her, skipping through the forest next
door without a care in the world, and totally not scared until the
police officer got her, then she was scared and started to cry. But
that part of the story is really just an aside, what really hurt me
was that when the officers were taking reports later, on an official
report she told them that my house was a mess and I never supervise
my children. She told them my 4 year old and 2.5 year old were
outside all the time unsupervised, which never happened. There were
times when I would stay in the screened in porch with our newborn
while he was nursing and watch the two fo them play, SHe probably
couldn't see me if she was looking from her yard, but I was always
within earshot and I could always see them. When my 4yo got out, my
husband and step mom were in the kitchen talking and I had gone down
the driveway to show my dad where his lost luggage would be dropped
off, leaving the children with my step mom and my husband. They never
even heard the front door open when my daughter left. As someone who
deeply believes in compassion and helping our fellow humans, and
respect, if I had felt that way about a "friend's" house I would have
asked if they needed help, not reported them to a sheriff who then
has to file a DCF report and include that information. I mean,
there's always a reason, and our house has never ever been as bad as
the people they always show on the television who have bugs and food
everywhere, it's cluttered (mostly with toys and my preteen's random
stuff) but not really dirty. The caseworker who came out unannounced
closed the case immediately, but I still had to go through that
stress which makes the lupus worse. This happened almost a year ago.
I guess the whole point of this long post is, Do other people use the
tenats of respecting others views and differing situations/values in
their lives, or do we just keep this in the family, and if so, how is
that modeling respect and compassion for our kids?
Namaste,
Gen
Judy R
This is a very sad story - we never really know people, eh? I do try to live the UR life, letting people be themselves without judging them I guess is the essence of it...
I think the hardest one for me has been when my only sister and her husband wouldn't support me in a time of need when I was breaking up with my husband - I wanted to come and stay with them for a period of time and I really needed them to say "yes - we love you, you and the girls can come stay with us anytime for as long as you need to" etc - but what they said instead was "We can't stand it that your children "do nothing" all day and don't think we could live with that in our house" - and they refused me.
I do of course understand that they had a right to say no; but it just totally shocked me at the time - I had thought we had really close relationship, we have been through many, many things together over the years - it was more the *reason* that they said no - clearly they are not accepting of what I am doing and they are not willing to be non-judgmental - even though we are back on speaking terms, our relationship will never be the same and now I know that that fall-back that I sort of thought was always there, isn't.
And it's because of the unschooling. So, suffering for what you believe in is going to happen; which doesn't make it any less painful, but perhaps it makes us stronger - I think it did me really - because I know I will continue to do what I think is right in spite of what they or anybody else thinks....not something I could have done maybe a few years ago....and it will likely continue to take us by surprise the ones that turn against us because of it, or the ones that accept it may surprise us too. Judy R. in Kingston
I think the hardest one for me has been when my only sister and her husband wouldn't support me in a time of need when I was breaking up with my husband - I wanted to come and stay with them for a period of time and I really needed them to say "yes - we love you, you and the girls can come stay with us anytime for as long as you need to" etc - but what they said instead was "We can't stand it that your children "do nothing" all day and don't think we could live with that in our house" - and they refused me.
I do of course understand that they had a right to say no; but it just totally shocked me at the time - I had thought we had really close relationship, we have been through many, many things together over the years - it was more the *reason* that they said no - clearly they are not accepting of what I am doing and they are not willing to be non-judgmental - even though we are back on speaking terms, our relationship will never be the same and now I know that that fall-back that I sort of thought was always there, isn't.
And it's because of the unschooling. So, suffering for what you believe in is going to happen; which doesn't make it any less painful, but perhaps it makes us stronger - I think it did me really - because I know I will continue to do what I think is right in spite of what they or anybody else thinks....not something I could have done maybe a few years ago....and it will likely continue to take us by surprise the ones that turn against us because of it, or the ones that accept it may surprise us too. Judy R. in Kingston
----- Original Message -----
From: Genevieve
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, May 27, 2008 3:17 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] RU in every day adult life
I was wondering, how many of us actually take the RU lifestyle and
truely apply it to our lives outside of our family. I mean, when you
see someone struggling, and you have the energy or time, do you offer
help? I had a horrible experience with a supposed RU neighbor and am
just now able to talk about it because I was so hurt and traumatized.
I have Systemic Lupus as well as Fibromyalgia and have had to let go
of a lot of my standards of clean house perfectionism My husband has
to do a lot of the house work, and he does it very begrudgingly. We
don't have the funds or I would hire a house keeper. Recently I was
hospitalized a few times in a row and my doctor wrote a script to get
my landlord to allow me to have a live in helper, which has been
great, except he didn't realize that with the kids, keeping the house
and grounds requires more than just a staight 4 hours a day and then
I'm clocking out. But anyway, I went off topic. This RU parent,
during a time of crisis for me, when my 4 year old had wondered down
the runway to pick flowers(for me and we found this out after we
found her) and then decided to explore the forest (we still have no
idea how she got through the barbed wire fencing) and it was dusk so
after running around the whole farm, and seeing my "friend" I asked
her to call the police to help look, and 2 minutes later my dad, who
was visiting called the police too, just to make sure the call was
made. Anyway, after we found her, skipping through the forest next
door without a care in the world, and totally not scared until the
police officer got her, then she was scared and started to cry. But
that part of the story is really just an aside, what really hurt me
was that when the officers were taking reports later, on an official
report she told them that my house was a mess and I never supervise
my children. She told them my 4 year old and 2.5 year old were
outside all the time unsupervised, which never happened. There were
times when I would stay in the screened in porch with our newborn
while he was nursing and watch the two fo them play, SHe probably
couldn't see me if she was looking from her yard, but I was always
within earshot and I could always see them. When my 4yo got out, my
husband and step mom were in the kitchen talking and I had gone down
the driveway to show my dad where his lost luggage would be dropped
off, leaving the children with my step mom and my husband. They never
even heard the front door open when my daughter left. As someone who
deeply believes in compassion and helping our fellow humans, and
respect, if I had felt that way about a "friend's" house I would have
asked if they needed help, not reported them to a sheriff who then
has to file a DCF report and include that information. I mean,
there's always a reason, and our house has never ever been as bad as
the people they always show on the television who have bugs and food
everywhere, it's cluttered (mostly with toys and my preteen's random
stuff) but not really dirty. The caseworker who came out unannounced
closed the case immediately, but I still had to go through that
stress which makes the lupus worse. This happened almost a year ago.
I guess the whole point of this long post is, Do other people use the
tenats of respecting others views and differing situations/values in
their lives, or do we just keep this in the family, and if so, how is
that modeling respect and compassion for our kids?
Namaste,
Gen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
keetry
--- In [email protected], "Genevieve" <katgrl705@...>
wrote:
I'm out in public and something someone has done starts to bother me,
I tell myself they must be having a bad day or be going somewhere very
important or something like that rather than getting upset. I have a
harder time with the way I see people treating kids. I actually avoid
going to a lot of places because I can't stand the way I see people
treat their kids. I hate walking through the grocery or toy store
hearing all the crying kids. I'm not good at thinking of things in the
moment so I haven't been very successful with approaching a parent who
is having a hard time and saying something compassionate. If I could
keep from getting flustered and think of something to say or do, I
would do it. I would offer help to a friend in need. I think it's
important to model respectful, nonjudgemental behavior toward everyone
in front of our kids. Otherwise, how can they trust that we truly
aren't judging them?
I think I'm sort of rambling here. My short answer is yes, I try to be
respectful and compassionate of everyone I come across regardless of
their values or lifestyle, barring abuse or neglect, of course.
Alysia
wrote:
>is
> Do other people use the
> tenats of respecting others views and differing situations/values in
> their lives, or do we just keep this in the family, and if so, how
> that modeling respect and compassion for our kids?I try to apply my principles of RU outside my immediate family. When
I'm out in public and something someone has done starts to bother me,
I tell myself they must be having a bad day or be going somewhere very
important or something like that rather than getting upset. I have a
harder time with the way I see people treating kids. I actually avoid
going to a lot of places because I can't stand the way I see people
treat their kids. I hate walking through the grocery or toy store
hearing all the crying kids. I'm not good at thinking of things in the
moment so I haven't been very successful with approaching a parent who
is having a hard time and saying something compassionate. If I could
keep from getting flustered and think of something to say or do, I
would do it. I would offer help to a friend in need. I think it's
important to model respectful, nonjudgemental behavior toward everyone
in front of our kids. Otherwise, how can they trust that we truly
aren't judging them?
I think I'm sort of rambling here. My short answer is yes, I try to be
respectful and compassionate of everyone I come across regardless of
their values or lifestyle, barring abuse or neglect, of course.
Alysia
Faith Void
I actually avoid
don't know them. When I am out I will often engage a "troubled" child.
I will talk to a crying child the same way I would my own child. I
have found most adults to be relieved. I have no idea if they were
relieved, grateful or whatever. I will general say something nice to
the adult after talking to a child. Like that their kids is (fill in
adjective-persistent instead of demanding, discerning instead of
picky...) to help with a perspective change. I really like kids in
general so I find this natural for me to do.
I will in, my neighborhood, talk to kids in a respectful way to try to
gain co-operation even when their parent is not being respectful.
Like, when a parent yells "Don''t you ever run it the street again or
I will XXX(insert punishment)". I will say gently to the same child
"Your mom sounds scared that you ran into the street without looking.
I felt scared too. Remember there are fast cars driving down our
street. We all want you safe." I figure that if they know I was also
scared that yelling and being mean wasn't the only way to act when you
are scared. Depending on the situation I might talk about their
feelings as well. When their parents aren't around (which is frequent)
I will let them talk about their fear, insecurities etc about their
parents. They notice that I don't yell or threaten my kids.
Faith
--
www.bearthmama.com
> going to a lot of places because I can't stand the way I see peopleI am really bad at talking to adults, period, and especially so if I
> treat their kids. I hate walking through the grocery or toy store
> hearing all the crying kids. I'm not good at thinking of things in the
> moment so I haven't been very successful with approaching a parent who
> is having a hard time and saying something compassionate. If I could
> keep from getting flustered and think of something to say or do, I
> would do it. I would offer help to a friend in need.
don't know them. When I am out I will often engage a "troubled" child.
I will talk to a crying child the same way I would my own child. I
have found most adults to be relieved. I have no idea if they were
relieved, grateful or whatever. I will general say something nice to
the adult after talking to a child. Like that their kids is (fill in
adjective-persistent instead of demanding, discerning instead of
picky...) to help with a perspective change. I really like kids in
general so I find this natural for me to do.
I will in, my neighborhood, talk to kids in a respectful way to try to
gain co-operation even when their parent is not being respectful.
Like, when a parent yells "Don''t you ever run it the street again or
I will XXX(insert punishment)". I will say gently to the same child
"Your mom sounds scared that you ran into the street without looking.
I felt scared too. Remember there are fast cars driving down our
street. We all want you safe." I figure that if they know I was also
scared that yelling and being mean wasn't the only way to act when you
are scared. Depending on the situation I might talk about their
feelings as well. When their parents aren't around (which is frequent)
I will let them talk about their fear, insecurities etc about their
parents. They notice that I don't yell or threaten my kids.
Faith
--
www.bearthmama.com
Debra Rossing
Yes, I do - if I am able to help, I'll help, even if it's simply a
friendly smile or a gentle word when I see a parent struggling with a
tired kid in the supermarket or something. We had an interesting 'event'
this past weekend even, at the hotel where the Northeast Unschooling
conference was held.
Deb
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friendly smile or a gentle word when I see a parent struggling with a
tired kid in the supermarket or something. We had an interesting 'event'
this past weekend even, at the hotel where the Northeast Unschooling
conference was held.
Deb
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Faith Void
We had an interesting 'event'
Faith
--
www.bearthmama.com
> this past weekend even, at the hotel where the Northeast UnschoolingCould you elaborate?
> conference was held.
Faith
--
www.bearthmama.com
swissarmy_wife
While at the NEU conference, my boys and I walked off the elevator in
the lobby and happened upon a girl of 11 or 12 and her mom and (what I
assumed to be) an aunt or grandmother. As soon as the door opened, I
heard, in a VERY nasty tone "Get out of the way!" Then the other one
chimed in grabbed her arm, yanked her aside and said something like
"Jesus christ get out of the way of these people would you!" The poor
girl looked humiliated. I can't remember what I said... just
something to tell the girl that she wasn't in my way at all. I
remember thinking a big fat "WTF". Where I live, things like that
don't stand out to me. It's practically normal living. But this
time, they stood out like a sore thumb. I felt so horrible for that
little girl.
I've had a few personal experiences with other people acting like
jerks toward there children. There are times where what is happening
truly dumbfounds me and all I can do is contort my face in disgust. I
am definitely more apt to speak to the child rather than the adult
though. How I wish I could give those kids a magical protective
cloak! I know all too well how much it hurts to be treated like a
second class citizen.
--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
the lobby and happened upon a girl of 11 or 12 and her mom and (what I
assumed to be) an aunt or grandmother. As soon as the door opened, I
heard, in a VERY nasty tone "Get out of the way!" Then the other one
chimed in grabbed her arm, yanked her aside and said something like
"Jesus christ get out of the way of these people would you!" The poor
girl looked humiliated. I can't remember what I said... just
something to tell the girl that she wasn't in my way at all. I
remember thinking a big fat "WTF". Where I live, things like that
don't stand out to me. It's practically normal living. But this
time, they stood out like a sore thumb. I felt so horrible for that
little girl.
I've had a few personal experiences with other people acting like
jerks toward there children. There are times where what is happening
truly dumbfounds me and all I can do is contort my face in disgust. I
am definitely more apt to speak to the child rather than the adult
though. How I wish I could give those kids a magical protective
cloak! I know all too well how much it hurts to be treated like a
second class citizen.
--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>
> Yes, I do - if I am able to help, I'll help, even if it's simply a
> friendly smile or a gentle word when I see a parent struggling with a
> tired kid in the supermarket or something. We had an interesting 'event'
> this past weekend even, at the hotel where the Northeast Unschooling
> conference was held.
>
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
this reminds me of this discussion I was part of:
http://37days.typepad.com/37days/2008/05/i-stand-correct.html
and after I was attacked for beeing sexist the author wrote me this in private
"dear alex -
no apologies necessary, truly. i so appreciated hearing your point of view and your original post really opened my eyes in a significant way, so thank you for that. where there is so much anger, as in the "piss off" comment, perhaps there is great pain. not to excuse it, but perhaps to explain it. thanks for sharing - and for hanging in there. love, patti"
So I am glad one person might see things different now.
Alex
Debra Rossing <debra.rossing@...> wrote:
Yes, I do - if I am able to help, I'll help, even if it's simply a
friendly smile or a gentle word when I see a parent struggling with a
tired kid in the supermarket or something. We had an interesting 'event'
this past weekend even, at the hotel where the Northeast Unschooling
conference was held.
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://37days.typepad.com/37days/2008/05/i-stand-correct.html
and after I was attacked for beeing sexist the author wrote me this in private
"dear alex -
no apologies necessary, truly. i so appreciated hearing your point of view and your original post really opened my eyes in a significant way, so thank you for that. where there is so much anger, as in the "piss off" comment, perhaps there is great pain. not to excuse it, but perhaps to explain it. thanks for sharing - and for hanging in there. love, patti"
So I am glad one person might see things different now.
Alex
Debra Rossing <debra.rossing@...> wrote:
Yes, I do - if I am able to help, I'll help, even if it's simply a
friendly smile or a gentle word when I see a parent struggling with a
tired kid in the supermarket or something. We had an interesting 'event'
this past weekend even, at the hotel where the Northeast Unschooling
conference was held.
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
Okay - totally not a child-related event (it was so cool being
surrounded by peaceful gentle RU people) but it's more on the "helping
others", being an example, modeling compassion, side of things.
DS and a friend (she's 18 and wants to unschool her someday kids, how
cool is that?) were up in our room. DH was in where the speakers were. I
had been doing something and stopped at the front desk to check on
something. I was waiting off to one side when an older lady stopped at
the desk looking worried. She asked if the hotel had a wheelchair
available. No they didn't. She didn't know what to do. Her hubby had
been doing okay in the pool area but as they were leaving that area, he
got really weak and the walk across the lobby and standing in the
elevator would be too much (he had had pneumonia a while back and never
fully regained his strength). As I was listening, DS and K came down
looking for me. As the lady turned away to figure out something, I told
her that I'd help her out. I handed the tote bag I was carrying to DS.
Then K and I went over to where the gentleman was sitting in a chair
closest to the pool door. There were a couple other conference goers in
that area as well (a popular seating, chatting area). I smiled and
mentioned that he was one lucky guy to have a whole harem :-) He grinned
at that. The easiest thing was to find a way he could get upstairs
seated, more difficult would be to each take a side and support him. A
quick look around and bingo! The hotel's "business center" was right
there - they have *wheeled* office chairs with arms! K went and grabbed
a chair (guess it's a habit of trying to find workable solutions to
situations with DS). Then we assisted the gentleman to transfer from one
chair to the other. I started to push but we quickly realized that going
forward ran a risk of catching one of his feet awkwardly. Instead of
just turning him around (backward is easier), I stopped and *asked* him
if it would be okay to go backwards (same as I'd do if I was changing
something for DS). He was okay with that and on we went. Into the
elevator and up to his room, where his wife got their desk chair from
the room and we transferred him over. They thanked us and he shook DS'
hand. Then DS climbed aboard and we took the chair back downstairs
again. Turned out, gentleman and his wife were celebrating their
anniversary weekend (20 some years).
Deb
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surrounded by peaceful gentle RU people) but it's more on the "helping
others", being an example, modeling compassion, side of things.
DS and a friend (she's 18 and wants to unschool her someday kids, how
cool is that?) were up in our room. DH was in where the speakers were. I
had been doing something and stopped at the front desk to check on
something. I was waiting off to one side when an older lady stopped at
the desk looking worried. She asked if the hotel had a wheelchair
available. No they didn't. She didn't know what to do. Her hubby had
been doing okay in the pool area but as they were leaving that area, he
got really weak and the walk across the lobby and standing in the
elevator would be too much (he had had pneumonia a while back and never
fully regained his strength). As I was listening, DS and K came down
looking for me. As the lady turned away to figure out something, I told
her that I'd help her out. I handed the tote bag I was carrying to DS.
Then K and I went over to where the gentleman was sitting in a chair
closest to the pool door. There were a couple other conference goers in
that area as well (a popular seating, chatting area). I smiled and
mentioned that he was one lucky guy to have a whole harem :-) He grinned
at that. The easiest thing was to find a way he could get upstairs
seated, more difficult would be to each take a side and support him. A
quick look around and bingo! The hotel's "business center" was right
there - they have *wheeled* office chairs with arms! K went and grabbed
a chair (guess it's a habit of trying to find workable solutions to
situations with DS). Then we assisted the gentleman to transfer from one
chair to the other. I started to push but we quickly realized that going
forward ran a risk of catching one of his feet awkwardly. Instead of
just turning him around (backward is easier), I stopped and *asked* him
if it would be okay to go backwards (same as I'd do if I was changing
something for DS). He was okay with that and on we went. Into the
elevator and up to his room, where his wife got their desk chair from
the room and we transferred him over. They thanked us and he shook DS'
hand. Then DS climbed aboard and we took the chair back downstairs
again. Turned out, gentleman and his wife were celebrating their
anniversary weekend (20 some years).
Deb
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Debra Rossing
Ouch - it really does stand out when you're at a conference and there's
all that lovely swirly energy. I noticed it when we stopped at a Burger
King the other day. I went back up to the counter to get DS a sweet and
the dad in front of me in line told his son "No, you can't have a
slushie, you'll get a brain freeze" Argh!!! And the kid is saying "I
promise I won't get a brain freeze, please can I get one?" I could
understand if the dad said something like "I'm sorry but that costs
extra and we really can't manage that right now with the money we've
got" or "Are you sure about that? It has HFCS/red dye/whatever and
you've said you don't like the way you feel when you have that" But to
just categorically say NO and assume that a brain freeze is inevitable
(I've had entire slushies with no brain freezes before) or that a brain
freeze is something really dangerous to be avoided (I don't think they
do permanent damage, do they?) I might even have understood if the dad
said "Slushies can sometimes cause brain freezes and you know that makes
you really uncomfortable" but to categorically rule it out for what
seems such a slim excuse just reminded me that we weren't "in Kansas
anymore, Toto"
Deb
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all that lovely swirly energy. I noticed it when we stopped at a Burger
King the other day. I went back up to the counter to get DS a sweet and
the dad in front of me in line told his son "No, you can't have a
slushie, you'll get a brain freeze" Argh!!! And the kid is saying "I
promise I won't get a brain freeze, please can I get one?" I could
understand if the dad said something like "I'm sorry but that costs
extra and we really can't manage that right now with the money we've
got" or "Are you sure about that? It has HFCS/red dye/whatever and
you've said you don't like the way you feel when you have that" But to
just categorically say NO and assume that a brain freeze is inevitable
(I've had entire slushies with no brain freezes before) or that a brain
freeze is something really dangerous to be avoided (I don't think they
do permanent damage, do they?) I might even have understood if the dad
said "Slushies can sometimes cause brain freezes and you know that makes
you really uncomfortable" but to categorically rule it out for what
seems such a slim excuse just reminded me that we weren't "in Kansas
anymore, Toto"
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
I was curious what happened to that man! I saw him and his wife in
the pool area. I couldn't help but notice how precious they were! my
husband had mentioned something about him need helping out of the pool
area.
Later on we saw him being loaded onto an ambulance out front of the
hotel. He was awake and smiling so I hope he is ok.
-Heather
--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
the pool area. I couldn't help but notice how precious they were! my
husband had mentioned something about him need helping out of the pool
area.
Later on we saw him being loaded onto an ambulance out front of the
hotel. He was awake and smiling so I hope he is ok.
-Heather
--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>
> Okay - totally not a child-related event (it was so cool being
> surrounded by peaceful gentle RU people) but it's more on the "helping
> others", being an example, modeling compassion, side of things.
>
> DS and a friend (she's 18 and wants to unschool her someday kids, how
> cool is that?) were up in our room. DH was in where the speakers were. I
> had been doing something and stopped at the front desk to check on
> something. I was waiting off to one side when an older lady stopped at
> the desk looking worried. She asked if the hotel had a wheelchair
> available. No they didn't. She didn't know what to do. Her hubby had
> been doing okay in the pool area but as they were leaving that area, he
> got really weak and the walk across the lobby and standing in the
> elevator would be too much (he had had pneumonia a while back and never
> fully regained his strength). As I was listening, DS and K came down
> looking for me. As the lady turned away to figure out something, I told
> her that I'd help her out. I handed the tote bag I was carrying to DS.
> Then K and I went over to where the gentleman was sitting in a chair
> closest to the pool door. There were a couple other conference goers in
> that area as well (a popular seating, chatting area). I smiled and
> mentioned that he was one lucky guy to have a whole harem :-) He grinned
> at that. The easiest thing was to find a way he could get upstairs
> seated, more difficult would be to each take a side and support him. A
> quick look around and bingo! The hotel's "business center" was right
> there - they have *wheeled* office chairs with arms! K went and grabbed
> a chair (guess it's a habit of trying to find workable solutions to
> situations with DS). Then we assisted the gentleman to transfer from one
> chair to the other. I started to push but we quickly realized that going
> forward ran a risk of catching one of his feet awkwardly. Instead of
> just turning him around (backward is easier), I stopped and *asked* him
> if it would be okay to go backwards (same as I'd do if I was changing
> something for DS). He was okay with that and on we went. Into the
> elevator and up to his room, where his wife got their desk chair from
> the room and we transferred him over. They thanked us and he shook DS'
> hand. Then DS climbed aboard and we took the chair back downstairs
> again. Turned out, gentleman and his wife were celebrating their
> anniversary weekend (20 some years).
>
> Deb
>
>
> **********************************************************************
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> intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
> are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
> the system manager.
>
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> MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
>
> CNC Software, Inc.
> www.mastercam.com
> **********************************************************************
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Judy R
Ok, tears in my eyes....
----- Original Message -----
From: Debra Rossing
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2008 5:01 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: RU in every day adult life
Okay - totally not a child-related event (it was so cool being
surrounded by peaceful gentle RU people) but it's more on the "helping
others", being an example, modeling compassion, side of things.
DS and a friend (she's 18 and wants to unschool her someday kids, how
cool is that?) were up in our room. DH was in where the speakers were. I
had been doing something and stopped at the front desk to check on
something. I was waiting off to one side when an older lady stopped at
the desk looking worried. She asked if the hotel had a wheelchair
available. No they didn't. She didn't know what to do. Her hubby had
been doing okay in the pool area but as they were leaving that area, he
got really weak and the walk across the lobby and standing in the
elevator would be too much (he had had pneumonia a while back and never
fully regained his strength). As I was listening, DS and K came down
looking for me. As the lady turned away to figure out something, I told
her that I'd help her out. I handed the tote bag I was carrying to DS.
Then K and I went over to where the gentleman was sitting in a chair
closest to the pool door. There were a couple other conference goers in
that area as well (a popular seating, chatting area). I smiled and
mentioned that he was one lucky guy to have a whole harem :-) He grinned
at that. The easiest thing was to find a way he could get upstairs
seated, more difficult would be to each take a side and support him. A
quick look around and bingo! The hotel's "business center" was right
there - they have *wheeled* office chairs with arms! K went and grabbed
a chair (guess it's a habit of trying to find workable solutions to
situations with DS). Then we assisted the gentleman to transfer from one
chair to the other. I started to push but we quickly realized that going
forward ran a risk of catching one of his feet awkwardly. Instead of
just turning him around (backward is easier), I stopped and *asked* him
if it would be okay to go backwards (same as I'd do if I was changing
something for DS). He was okay with that and on we went. Into the
elevator and up to his room, where his wife got their desk chair from
the room and we transferred him over. They thanked us and he shook DS'
hand. Then DS climbed aboard and we took the chair back downstairs
again. Turned out, gentleman and his wife were celebrating their
anniversary weekend (20 some years).
Deb
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are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Judy R
I know what you mean - I (ironically enough) drive a school-bus and within the limitations imposed I try to make my severely over-crowded bus filled with school-crazed elementary kids at the end of the day as pleasant a place to be as possible. This particular bus route has had people quit in screaming rages becaue they can't "deal" with the kids - my gentler methods seemed to have paid off some (or else the just got tired of playing with me and moved on :-) )
- for one thing I am much better at tuning out or re-interpreting their "bad" behaviour and interpret the rules a bit more loosely as well - and I joke around with them a lot - anyway, that is kind of irrelevant to the story -
the other day I managed to miss picking up a small child - probably 7 years old - it was all due to a misinterpretation on my part - I had seen the child standing in what I had assumed was his own yard, playing and not in the bus line-up - my brain thought, OK, he's not going to school, which is not unusual for younger siblings to be out when the others get on the bus in the morning
- there are about 20 kids that get on at this particular stop - so I was immediately on to that task, and gave no more thought to that kid - when we pulled up at the school, there was the *very* irate father, just *screaming* at me, in front of his kid - calling me names and claiming I had "closed the door in [the kid's] face" (although he later said the kid was running toward the bus when I pulled away, so I don't think it could have been both)- but anyway...I was actually able to remain calm (lots of practice over the years of not immediately reacting to what someone (usually a kid) says to push my buttons) - so I just sat calmly and took it for awhile until he ran out of steam -
then I *tried* to explain to him the situation from my point of view, but there was no way he was interestd in that! He fimrly believed I had done it on purpose, I guess - and it wouldn't surprise me greatly if people do things like that to kids if they're not in the "right place" or whatever, just to "teach then a lesson" - but I would NEVER do such a thing to a child - anyway, it was pretty appalling - and right in front of his kid too - I'm thinking, "great problem solving you're modelling for your kid there, mister"...anyway, all in all not a nice experience :-(
So good for you guys - people really need to stop being so angry and horrible to each other - just driving seems to make people lose their minds - I agree with Eckhart Tolle in the New Earth when he contends that the human race seems to have, simply, gone insane....
- for one thing I am much better at tuning out or re-interpreting their "bad" behaviour and interpret the rules a bit more loosely as well - and I joke around with them a lot - anyway, that is kind of irrelevant to the story -
the other day I managed to miss picking up a small child - probably 7 years old - it was all due to a misinterpretation on my part - I had seen the child standing in what I had assumed was his own yard, playing and not in the bus line-up - my brain thought, OK, he's not going to school, which is not unusual for younger siblings to be out when the others get on the bus in the morning
- there are about 20 kids that get on at this particular stop - so I was immediately on to that task, and gave no more thought to that kid - when we pulled up at the school, there was the *very* irate father, just *screaming* at me, in front of his kid - calling me names and claiming I had "closed the door in [the kid's] face" (although he later said the kid was running toward the bus when I pulled away, so I don't think it could have been both)- but anyway...I was actually able to remain calm (lots of practice over the years of not immediately reacting to what someone (usually a kid) says to push my buttons) - so I just sat calmly and took it for awhile until he ran out of steam -
then I *tried* to explain to him the situation from my point of view, but there was no way he was interestd in that! He fimrly believed I had done it on purpose, I guess - and it wouldn't surprise me greatly if people do things like that to kids if they're not in the "right place" or whatever, just to "teach then a lesson" - but I would NEVER do such a thing to a child - anyway, it was pretty appalling - and right in front of his kid too - I'm thinking, "great problem solving you're modelling for your kid there, mister"...anyway, all in all not a nice experience :-(
So good for you guys - people really need to stop being so angry and horrible to each other - just driving seems to make people lose their minds - I agree with Eckhart Tolle in the New Earth when he contends that the human race seems to have, simply, gone insane....
----- Original Message -----
From: Debra Rossing
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 29, 2008 5:07 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:RU in every day adult life
Ouch - it really does stand out when you're at a conference and there's
all that lovely swirly energy. I noticed it when we stopped at a Burger
King the other day. I went back up to the counter to get DS a sweet and
the dad in front of me in line told his son "No, you can't have a
slushie, you'll get a brain freeze" Argh!!! And the kid is saying "I
promise I won't get a brain freeze, please can I get one?" I could
understand if the dad said something like "I'm sorry but that costs
extra and we really can't manage that right now with the money we've
got" or "Are you sure about that? It has HFCS/red dye/whatever and
you've said you don't like the way you feel when you have that" But to
just categorically say NO and assume that a brain freeze is inevitable
(I've had entire slushies with no brain freezes before) or that a brain
freeze is something really dangerous to be avoided (I don't think they
do permanent damage, do they?) I might even have understood if the dad
said "Slushies can sometimes cause brain freezes and you know that makes
you really uncomfortable" but to categorically rule it out for what
seems such a slim excuse just reminded me that we weren't "in Kansas
anymore, Toto"
Deb
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Debra Rossing
> Later on we saw him being loaded onto an ambulance out front of thehotel. He was awake and smiling so I hope he is ok.
I wondered about that - I saw the ambulance but didn't know what
happened. Oh that dear sweet guy!
Deb
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Debra Rossing
On the kid-end of things, one of my favorite things is when I'm in a
store where there are liable to be little ones (toddlers), like Babies R
Us, I try to be 'sheepdog' and keep an eye on toddling wee ones in my
general area. Often, the mom is somewhat to very pregnant with #2 (or 3
or whatever) and toddlebug is exploring while she's trying to shop for
the new one. I'll unobtrusively move to block the end of an aisle or
whatever and if little one tries to get by me, I'll gently say "hey
there, mommy's that way" and direct him/her back toward mom. I
invariably get a smile from the frazzled looking mom. DS loves having
the littles around too - he'll get right down to their level and talk
with them about whatever they're looking at, then make sure they get
back to Mom. He had SO much fun in the courtyard at the hotel with the
little ones chasing him around. He loves little ones and he likes
hanging with teens - schooled kids his own age confuse him (the kids at
the conference around his age were cool though).
Deb
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store where there are liable to be little ones (toddlers), like Babies R
Us, I try to be 'sheepdog' and keep an eye on toddling wee ones in my
general area. Often, the mom is somewhat to very pregnant with #2 (or 3
or whatever) and toddlebug is exploring while she's trying to shop for
the new one. I'll unobtrusively move to block the end of an aisle or
whatever and if little one tries to get by me, I'll gently say "hey
there, mommy's that way" and direct him/her back toward mom. I
invariably get a smile from the frazzled looking mom. DS loves having
the littles around too - he'll get right down to their level and talk
with them about whatever they're looking at, then make sure they get
back to Mom. He had SO much fun in the courtyard at the hotel with the
little ones chasing him around. He loves little ones and he likes
hanging with teens - schooled kids his own age confuse him (the kids at
the conference around his age were cool though).
Deb
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