FW: name calling
Maisha Khalfani
I know this has been covered on here, but I didnt pay much attention to the
issue because it didnt involve me. But now it does.
Name calling.
Yesterday I was hanging up clothes in Khalid (5) and Khidars (3) room.
Khalid comes in and starts talking to me. Unfortunately I dont remember
the details of the conversation. What I do remember is him saying youre
dumb. I was heated, but said nothing for about 10 seconds. Then I started
to say Khalid, I dont like it when someone calls me names. At which
point he said, before I finished youre dumb.
Now hes saying this with a smile on his face, so I know hes not being
malicious, but nonetheless, its not cool.
I was thinking next time it might be better if I go over to him, get down on
my knees so that we are eye to eye, and say in a firm voice do not call me
or anyone else dumb.
What do you all think?
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures <http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
issue because it didnt involve me. But now it does.
Name calling.
Yesterday I was hanging up clothes in Khalid (5) and Khidars (3) room.
Khalid comes in and starts talking to me. Unfortunately I dont remember
the details of the conversation. What I do remember is him saying youre
dumb. I was heated, but said nothing for about 10 seconds. Then I started
to say Khalid, I dont like it when someone calls me names. At which
point he said, before I finished youre dumb.
Now hes saying this with a smile on his face, so I know hes not being
malicious, but nonetheless, its not cool.
I was thinking next time it might be better if I go over to him, get down on
my knees so that we are eye to eye, and say in a firm voice do not call me
or anyone else dumb.
What do you all think?
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures <http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jeanette Crichton
I have been having the same trouble with my 3 year old. I figured out a few things about his name calling: 1) he uses it as a defense mechanism, like when he's nervous or whatever (he called the "haircutters" long poopers : )because he was scared of them) 2) he does it when he wants to get a rise out of someone (he especially likes calling his grandpas stupid because he wants them to chase him or something) 3)the more someone tells him it's not nice the more he does it. Anyhow, those are my observations so far and I still haven't figured out if he needs more help getting through this or if it's just a phase. But so far, it has only been a big deal to one of my SILs. I usually just say, "Oh, are you trying to get their attention? (with a goofy giggle and a grin)" or "Oh are you nervous? (with a hug)" I know that he is not trying to hurt someone else, but rather to protect himself. Maybe you could figure out why your son is doing it.
Jeanette
----- Original Message ----
From: Maisha Khalfani <maitai373@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, May 24, 2008 11:04:45 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] FW: name calling
I know this has been covered on here, but I didn�t pay much attention to the
issue because it didn�t involve me. But now it does.
Name calling.
Yesterday I was hanging up clothes in Khalid (5) and Khidar�s (3) room.
Khalid comes in and starts talking to me. Unfortunately I don�t remember
the details of the conversation. What I do remember is him saying �you�re
dumb�. I was heated, but said nothing for about 10 seconds. Then I started
to say �Khalid, I don�t like it when someone calls me names�. At which
point he said, before I finished �you�re dumb�.
Now he�s saying this with a smile on his face, so I know he�s not being
malicious, but nonetheless, it�s not cool.
I was thinking next time it might be better if I go over to him, get down on
my knees so that we are eye to eye, and say in a firm voice �do not call me
or anyone else dumb.�
What do you all think?
Namast�
be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures <http://khalfanifami lyadventures. blogspot. com/>
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
�Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.�
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jeanette
----- Original Message ----
From: Maisha Khalfani <maitai373@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, May 24, 2008 11:04:45 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] FW: name calling
I know this has been covered on here, but I didn�t pay much attention to the
issue because it didn�t involve me. But now it does.
Name calling.
Yesterday I was hanging up clothes in Khalid (5) and Khidar�s (3) room.
Khalid comes in and starts talking to me. Unfortunately I don�t remember
the details of the conversation. What I do remember is him saying �you�re
dumb�. I was heated, but said nothing for about 10 seconds. Then I started
to say �Khalid, I don�t like it when someone calls me names�. At which
point he said, before I finished �you�re dumb�.
Now he�s saying this with a smile on his face, so I know he�s not being
malicious, but nonetheless, it�s not cool.
I was thinking next time it might be better if I go over to him, get down on
my knees so that we are eye to eye, and say in a firm voice �do not call me
or anyone else dumb.�
What do you all think?
Namast�
be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures <http://khalfanifami lyadventures. blogspot. com/>
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
�Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.�
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 24, 2008, at 11:04 PM, Maisha Khalfani wrote:
to carry the power struggle?
Think of name calling as one of your personal buttons. He's found it.
And he's pushing it and it makes you react. Think how powerful that
is for a powerless person! Basically he's found "When I do this, I
can make this more powerful person do that!"
It's important to give kids information when they've crossed our
personal boundaries, but if they persist there's something else going
on. (Though we do have to do a lot of stretching of personal
boundaries if we want kids in our lives!)
How about humor? Call him silly names when he calls you dumb :-) He
can't push if you disconnect the button!
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I was thinking next time it might be better if I go over to him,Sounds like a power struggle in the making. To what point do you want
> get down on
> my knees so that we are eye to eye, and say in a firm voice �do not
> call me
> or anyone else dumb.�
to carry the power struggle?
Think of name calling as one of your personal buttons. He's found it.
And he's pushing it and it makes you react. Think how powerful that
is for a powerless person! Basically he's found "When I do this, I
can make this more powerful person do that!"
It's important to give kids information when they've crossed our
personal boundaries, but if they persist there's something else going
on. (Though we do have to do a lot of stretching of personal
boundaries if we want kids in our lives!)
How about humor? Call him silly names when he calls you dumb :-) He
can't push if you disconnect the button!
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wisdomalways5
--- In [email protected], "Maisha Khalfani"
<maitai373@...> wrote:
remember the conversation but the name calling- he might have
noticed you paid much much attention to that as well and discovered
a way to get your attention-
the other is that name calling is highly suggestive- when my 5 yr
old comes up with a new name to call someone I usually ask her what
does that mean and a lot of times she has no idea
name calling in FUN is not abusive- though name calling can be- I
think children look for ways to "name call" kind of like when they
are learning that things have names and their lives have consisted
of calling things names- you name call a cup by calling it a cup-
you name call the dog by calling it a dog-
we usually name name calliing humorous-
does he know what dumb means- was he feeling at the moment that you
were dumb- were you listening with half an ear and the thought you
were dumb by not listening-
Julie
comment me at
the-life-of-fun.blogspot.com
<maitai373@...> wrote:
>saying "you're
> Name calling.
>
> Unfortunately I don't remember
> the details of the conversation. What I do remember is him
> dumb". I was heated, but said nothing for about 10 seconds. ThenI started
> to say "Khalid, I don't like it when someone calls me names". Atwhich
> point he said, before I finished "you're dumb".couple things- one is that it is interesting that you do not
>
remember the conversation but the name calling- he might have
noticed you paid much much attention to that as well and discovered
a way to get your attention-
the other is that name calling is highly suggestive- when my 5 yr
old comes up with a new name to call someone I usually ask her what
does that mean and a lot of times she has no idea
name calling in FUN is not abusive- though name calling can be- I
think children look for ways to "name call" kind of like when they
are learning that things have names and their lives have consisted
of calling things names- you name call a cup by calling it a cup-
you name call the dog by calling it a dog-
we usually name name calliing humorous-
does he know what dumb means- was he feeling at the moment that you
were dumb- were you listening with half an ear and the thought you
were dumb by not listening-
Julie
comment me at
the-life-of-fun.blogspot.com
keetry
My 4yo used to do this. I can't remember now what all the names were.
I think I told him a few times that I didn't like being called names.
He continued it for a while. I hadn't realized it until I read this
post but he seems to have stopped. I can't remember the last time he
called me or his dad a name or what it was. He still calls the baby
stupid sometimes. I don't really say much about that. It's his way of
expressing annoyance at the baby for bothering him. The baby doesn't
know what it means yet so no harm done. I might just say something
about how he is baby and doesn't really understand what he's doing or
isn't as capable of controlling himself physically as an older person.
Anyway, my point was that my son did this at some point but has pretty
much stopped. Just a phase maybe?
Alysia
I think I told him a few times that I didn't like being called names.
He continued it for a while. I hadn't realized it until I read this
post but he seems to have stopped. I can't remember the last time he
called me or his dad a name or what it was. He still calls the baby
stupid sometimes. I don't really say much about that. It's his way of
expressing annoyance at the baby for bothering him. The baby doesn't
know what it means yet so no harm done. I might just say something
about how he is baby and doesn't really understand what he's doing or
isn't as capable of controlling himself physically as an older person.
Anyway, my point was that my son did this at some point but has pretty
much stopped. Just a phase maybe?
Alysia
Meredith
--- In [email protected], "keetry" <keetry@...> wrote:
that she sometimes uses words she doesn't really know the meaning of as
a way to *find out* what the word means from the way adults respond, so
its exciting to me that she's finally started asking.
---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)
>> Anyway, my point was that my son did this at some point but haspretty
> much stopped. Just a phase maybe?Morgan has shifted from saying "x is stupid" to "is x stupid?" I know
that she sometimes uses words she doesn't really know the meaning of as
a way to *find out* what the word means from the way adults respond, so
its exciting to me that she's finally started asking.
---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)
Maisha Khalfani
<<Sounds like a power struggle in the making. To what point do you want
to carry the power struggle?>>
Yes, I thought that as well after I sent it. I can just see me attempting
to be "serious" and him laughing at me and continuing to call me dumb.
That original response came from my fear of going on this trip with my
parents and siblings in August. I imagined Khalid calling me dumb and their
response, or what they would think my response should be.
Thanks for reminding that it's just life, and he's just 5.
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
to carry the power struggle?>>
Yes, I thought that as well after I sent it. I can just see me attempting
to be "serious" and him laughing at me and continuing to call me dumb.
That original response came from my fear of going on this trip with my
parents and siblings in August. I imagined Khalid calling me dumb and their
response, or what they would think my response should be.
Thanks for reminding that it's just life, and he's just 5.
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
Maisha Khalfani
<<Maybe you could figure out why your son is doing it.>>
Thanks Jeanette. I think I'll pay more attention to what he's doing and why
next time he does that.
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
Thanks Jeanette. I think I'll pay more attention to what he's doing and why
next time he does that.
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
Khalfani Family Adventures
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
Maisha Khalfani
<<couple things- one is that it is interesting that you do not
remember the conversation but the name calling>>
Yeah, I noticed that too <g>. Ill definitely take his name calling with a
grain of salt.
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/> Khalfani Family Adventures
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
remember the conversation but the name calling>>
Yeah, I noticed that too <g>. Ill definitely take his name calling with a
grain of salt.
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/> Khalfani Family Adventures
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message----
Yesterday I was hanging up clothes in Khalid (5) and Khidar’s (3) room.
Khalid comes in and starts talking to me. Unfortunately I don’t
remember
the details of the conversation. What I do remember is him saying
“you’re
dumb”. I was heated, but said nothing for about 10 seconds. Then I
started
to say “Khalid, I don’t like it when someone calls me names”. At which
point he said, before I finished “you’re dumb”.
Now he’s saying this with a smile on his face, so I know he’s not being
malicious, but nonetheless, it’s not cool.
I was thinking next time it might be better if I go over to him, get
down on
my knees so that we are eye to eye, and say in a firm voice “do not
call me
or anyone else dumb.”
What do you all think?
-=-=-=-=-
I think you need to dump the goat.
No one can "get your goat" if you don't have one.
Maybe you have old issues with being called "dumb." That's
understandable. But it will be easier for everyone of if that goat just
goes away. <g>
He's little and got a reaction from a tired, distracted mom. *He* would
be dumb not to capitalize on that! <g>
He got what he was looking for---your undivided attention!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Yesterday I was hanging up clothes in Khalid (5) and Khidar’s (3) room.
Khalid comes in and starts talking to me. Unfortunately I don’t
remember
the details of the conversation. What I do remember is him saying
“you’re
dumb”. I was heated, but said nothing for about 10 seconds. Then I
started
to say “Khalid, I don’t like it when someone calls me names”. At which
point he said, before I finished “you’re dumb”.
Now he’s saying this with a smile on his face, so I know he’s not being
malicious, but nonetheless, it’s not cool.
I was thinking next time it might be better if I go over to him, get
down on
my knees so that we are eye to eye, and say in a firm voice “do not
call me
or anyone else dumb.”
What do you all think?
-=-=-=-=-
I think you need to dump the goat.
No one can "get your goat" if you don't have one.
Maybe you have old issues with being called "dumb." That's
understandable. But it will be easier for everyone of if that goat just
goes away. <g>
He's little and got a reaction from a tired, distracted mom. *He* would
be dumb not to capitalize on that! <g>
He got what he was looking for---your undivided attention!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Judy R
ANother thing that I fond works is to agree with them - works great with teenagers....
----- Original Message -----
From: kbcdlovejo@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, June 01, 2008 4:06 AM
Subject: [SPAM?] Re: [unschoolingbasics] FW: name calling
-----Original Message----
Yesterday I was hanging up clothes in Khalid (5) and Khidar’s (3) room.
Khalid comes in and starts talking to me. Unfortunately I don’t
remember
the details of the conversation. What I do remember is him saying
“you’re
dumb”. I was heated, but said nothing for about 10 seconds. Then I
started
to say “Khalid, I don’t like it when someone calls me names”. At which
point he said, before I finished “you’re dumb”.
Now he’s saying this with a smile on his face, so I know he’s not being
malicious, but nonetheless, it’s not cool.
I was thinking next time it might be better if I go over to him, get
down on
my knees so that we are eye to eye, and say in a firm voice “do not
call me
or anyone else dumb.”
What do you all think?
-=-=-=-=-
I think you need to dump the goat.
No one can "get your goat" if you don't have one.
Maybe you have old issues with being called "dumb." That's
understandable. But it will be easier for everyone of if that goat just
goes away. <g>
He's little and got a reaction from a tired, distracted mom. *He* would
be dumb not to capitalize on that! <g>
He got what he was looking for---your undivided attention!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]