slowly transitioning
bluemoonascending
Hello,
I have been reading this list off and on for the past several weeks.
My two sons, now 9 and 11 years old, went to public school until
midway through their K and 1st grade experiences. My older son, in
particular, was miserable in 1st grade and when the school mentioned
him being *dyslexic* I knew it was time to pull him out. He also has
behaviors frequently associated with Asperger syndrome. In any case,
over the course of the past 4 years of homeschooling, I am feeling
myself drawn more and more to an unschooling lifestyle with my kids.
Reading on this list, I see that my parenting style is already
compatible with unschooling. For example we do not punish/reward and
bedtime is a fluid element in our lives. The thing is though.....I
am a worrier. I do not know how else to sum it up. I WORRY about
whether or not I am doing them a terrible dis-service.
A story I remind myself of often:
When I took my older son out of 1st grade thinking he was dyslexic, I
was beside myself trying to do the *right* thing for hiim to learn
how to read. He hated any program we tried. He hated going to the
library. He hated even looking at print. I finally stopped trying
to teach him how to read. He enjoyed audio books, so I provided
them as much as possible (I love the public library system). And he
learned how to read just fine--all on his own, in his room, I have no
idea how he did it, but now he reads great. He even has great
fluency when he reads out loud. SO...I have this knowledge and
history. I know they are both capable of learning. I have
experienced first had *letting go* of teaching him, and letting him
learn at his own pace and with great joy instead of all the
frustration he had before. I am just not sure I am prepared to take
on the full responsibility...of unschooling. People say it requires
much parent involvment and interaction to carry through on their
interests and desires.
It seems as though I am on the edge...and trying to decide whether or
not to take the leap. There are still some things I would like to
see my kids do which they would not choose to do on their own accord,
at this time atleast (writing is the main thing). For the past 3
months or so I have not used any *curriculum* although even before
that we were pretty slim on using it. Their self directed learning
is quite varied. Board games, computer games, gardening, science
experiments (today they made whirlpools out of a magnetic stirrer and
found some old pH paper which they messed around with for a bit).
Sometimes they spontaneously graph things...like the number of peas
per pod. One son loves logic problems, word problems, mazes, games.
One loves making better glues. They are active and happy. Despite
this and my experience with my older son learning how to read, I just
feel hesitant, and at this very moment I am having a hard time
pinpointing exactly why.
The forums here are incredibly interesting to read. Ya'll are a
fiesty group. =) I also enjoy the many links to blogs. Most of the
*unschoolers* I have met recently have younger children.
I know I know...RELAX and take a deep breath. Ahhhh...I feel better
already.
Blue
I have been reading this list off and on for the past several weeks.
My two sons, now 9 and 11 years old, went to public school until
midway through their K and 1st grade experiences. My older son, in
particular, was miserable in 1st grade and when the school mentioned
him being *dyslexic* I knew it was time to pull him out. He also has
behaviors frequently associated with Asperger syndrome. In any case,
over the course of the past 4 years of homeschooling, I am feeling
myself drawn more and more to an unschooling lifestyle with my kids.
Reading on this list, I see that my parenting style is already
compatible with unschooling. For example we do not punish/reward and
bedtime is a fluid element in our lives. The thing is though.....I
am a worrier. I do not know how else to sum it up. I WORRY about
whether or not I am doing them a terrible dis-service.
A story I remind myself of often:
When I took my older son out of 1st grade thinking he was dyslexic, I
was beside myself trying to do the *right* thing for hiim to learn
how to read. He hated any program we tried. He hated going to the
library. He hated even looking at print. I finally stopped trying
to teach him how to read. He enjoyed audio books, so I provided
them as much as possible (I love the public library system). And he
learned how to read just fine--all on his own, in his room, I have no
idea how he did it, but now he reads great. He even has great
fluency when he reads out loud. SO...I have this knowledge and
history. I know they are both capable of learning. I have
experienced first had *letting go* of teaching him, and letting him
learn at his own pace and with great joy instead of all the
frustration he had before. I am just not sure I am prepared to take
on the full responsibility...of unschooling. People say it requires
much parent involvment and interaction to carry through on their
interests and desires.
It seems as though I am on the edge...and trying to decide whether or
not to take the leap. There are still some things I would like to
see my kids do which they would not choose to do on their own accord,
at this time atleast (writing is the main thing). For the past 3
months or so I have not used any *curriculum* although even before
that we were pretty slim on using it. Their self directed learning
is quite varied. Board games, computer games, gardening, science
experiments (today they made whirlpools out of a magnetic stirrer and
found some old pH paper which they messed around with for a bit).
Sometimes they spontaneously graph things...like the number of peas
per pod. One son loves logic problems, word problems, mazes, games.
One loves making better glues. They are active and happy. Despite
this and my experience with my older son learning how to read, I just
feel hesitant, and at this very moment I am having a hard time
pinpointing exactly why.
The forums here are incredibly interesting to read. Ya'll are a
fiesty group. =) I also enjoy the many links to blogs. Most of the
*unschoolers* I have met recently have younger children.
I know I know...RELAX and take a deep breath. Ahhhh...I feel better
already.
Blue
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: bluemoonascending <bluemoonone@...>
The thing is though.....I
am a worrier. I do not know how else to sum it up. I WORRY about
whether or not I am doing them a terrible dis-service.
-=-=-=-=-
Which part bothers you?
-=-=-==-
I am just not sure I am prepared to take
on the full responsibility...of unschooling.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Why not?
-=-=-=-=-
People say it requires much parent involvment and interaction to carry
through on their interests and desires.
-=-=-=-=-
I certainly think so.
It's really MUCH easier, in a lot of ways, to just send a child to
school. Let a teacher do everything, so that all you have to do is to
make sure he gets his homework done.
Or to do school-at-home where you buy the curriculum, follow the
syllabus, give the tests, and make pretty check-marks.
Unschooling requires a LOT more effort on the parents' parts. It
requires that you actually KNOW your children. That you GO with your
children. That you DO with your children. That you BE with your
children. That you FIND the learning that isn't always readily apparent.
It's like work.
And it's like PLAY! <BWG>
-=-=-=-=-
It seems as though I am on the edge...and trying to decide whether or
not to take the leap.
-=-=-=-=-
Jump off the cliff, and you will find your wings.
-=-=-=-=-
There are still some things I would like to
see my kids do which they would not choose to do on their own accord,
at this time atleast (writing is the main thing).
-=-=-=-=-
What need do they have of writing at this time?
Do they not write at all? IMs? Emails? Letters? Birthday cards? Grocery
lists? Christmas wish lists?
I realize it's hard to take this advice. Cameron left school at 12 and
told me he would never read or write again. It took 6 years (well, he
*did* write IMs a lot at first), but he really didn't read books (he
read online a lot---and magazines) or write (except Ims and emails).
But at 18, he read his first book, cover-to-cover, by himself. It was
Rue's book, Parenting a Free Child, An Unschooled Life. Then he read
Stargirl. Then Siddhartha! Then...well, now he's rarely without a book
in his hands or in his backpack. Suddenly he started writing in a
journal. Every day. Now he's writing articles for magazines! <g>
I could have MADE him read and write all those six years, but none of
that would have had any meaning to him. He would have been doing it for
*me*, not for *him*. NOW it's real and important to him. And he can't
get enough. He's QUICKLY making up for "lost time." But, in fact,
*nothing* was lost. He was busy doing other things. He has his whole
life to learn stuff. Only in school is there a time table (or times
tables! <g>).
-=-=-=-=-=-
I just feel hesitant, and at this very moment I am having a hard time
pinpointing exactly why.
-=-=-=-=-
Anybody in the family---or a close friend---questioning you? Do you
feel that you have to answer to someone?
-=-=-=-=-=-
I also enjoy the many links to blogs. Most of the *unschoolers* I
have met recently have younger children.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Come to a conference. Meet a bunch all at once! You'll be impressed and
inspired. Several of us have older children.
-=-=-=-
I know I know...RELAX and take a deep breath. Ahhhh...I feel better
already.
-=-=-=-
That tends to be the standard advice here! <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: bluemoonascending <bluemoonone@...>
The thing is though.....I
am a worrier. I do not know how else to sum it up. I WORRY about
whether or not I am doing them a terrible dis-service.
-=-=-=-=-
Which part bothers you?
-=-=-==-
I am just not sure I am prepared to take
on the full responsibility...of unschooling.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Why not?
-=-=-=-=-
People say it requires much parent involvment and interaction to carry
through on their interests and desires.
-=-=-=-=-
I certainly think so.
It's really MUCH easier, in a lot of ways, to just send a child to
school. Let a teacher do everything, so that all you have to do is to
make sure he gets his homework done.
Or to do school-at-home where you buy the curriculum, follow the
syllabus, give the tests, and make pretty check-marks.
Unschooling requires a LOT more effort on the parents' parts. It
requires that you actually KNOW your children. That you GO with your
children. That you DO with your children. That you BE with your
children. That you FIND the learning that isn't always readily apparent.
It's like work.
And it's like PLAY! <BWG>
-=-=-=-=-
It seems as though I am on the edge...and trying to decide whether or
not to take the leap.
-=-=-=-=-
Jump off the cliff, and you will find your wings.
-=-=-=-=-
There are still some things I would like to
see my kids do which they would not choose to do on their own accord,
at this time atleast (writing is the main thing).
-=-=-=-=-
What need do they have of writing at this time?
Do they not write at all? IMs? Emails? Letters? Birthday cards? Grocery
lists? Christmas wish lists?
I realize it's hard to take this advice. Cameron left school at 12 and
told me he would never read or write again. It took 6 years (well, he
*did* write IMs a lot at first), but he really didn't read books (he
read online a lot---and magazines) or write (except Ims and emails).
But at 18, he read his first book, cover-to-cover, by himself. It was
Rue's book, Parenting a Free Child, An Unschooled Life. Then he read
Stargirl. Then Siddhartha! Then...well, now he's rarely without a book
in his hands or in his backpack. Suddenly he started writing in a
journal. Every day. Now he's writing articles for magazines! <g>
I could have MADE him read and write all those six years, but none of
that would have had any meaning to him. He would have been doing it for
*me*, not for *him*. NOW it's real and important to him. And he can't
get enough. He's QUICKLY making up for "lost time." But, in fact,
*nothing* was lost. He was busy doing other things. He has his whole
life to learn stuff. Only in school is there a time table (or times
tables! <g>).
-=-=-=-=-=-
I just feel hesitant, and at this very moment I am having a hard time
pinpointing exactly why.
-=-=-=-=-
Anybody in the family---or a close friend---questioning you? Do you
feel that you have to answer to someone?
-=-=-=-=-=-
I also enjoy the many links to blogs. Most of the *unschoolers* I
have met recently have younger children.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Come to a conference. Meet a bunch all at once! You'll be impressed and
inspired. Several of us have older children.
-=-=-=-
I know I know...RELAX and take a deep breath. Ahhhh...I feel better
already.
-=-=-=-
That tends to be the standard advice here! <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Vickisue Gray
~~There are still some things I would like to see my kids do which they would not choose to do on their own accord, at this time at least (writing is the main thing).~~
I didn't unschool my two oldest (16 & 18 now) so when I went to RU'ing the youngest, many issues were raised more by my super smart oldest then anyone else. She felt the repetition and writing demands she had to endure helped ingrain the concepts into her head and without that 'beating it in' process, her brother wouldn't learn.
Two + years later, age 10.5, he writes. It's a NEED he has. He studies things because of his desire to know and he makes notes for himself all the time. Currently, he's back to creating D&D scenarios with maps, rules of engagement, encounters, etc. We just discussed ocean currents and sailing vessels which he then applied to another way for him to move characters to other realms in his stories.
*I* wish that he would write out all his stories, etc, as he is filled with them. But I'm coming to terms with that being MY wish not his. I do write things out for him when he asks. I've realized that he thinks faster then he can write and type but he CAN do both.
Without spelling lessons, he can spell rather well. I've become a very firm believer in what these ladies say about natural learning. I've been watching it happen. I TOTALLY get the *fear* of will they learn? I still have to remind myself to sit back and look at all he is doing then I see the learning happening.
Vicki ~ still learning to relax =)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I didn't unschool my two oldest (16 & 18 now) so when I went to RU'ing the youngest, many issues were raised more by my super smart oldest then anyone else. She felt the repetition and writing demands she had to endure helped ingrain the concepts into her head and without that 'beating it in' process, her brother wouldn't learn.
Two + years later, age 10.5, he writes. It's a NEED he has. He studies things because of his desire to know and he makes notes for himself all the time. Currently, he's back to creating D&D scenarios with maps, rules of engagement, encounters, etc. We just discussed ocean currents and sailing vessels which he then applied to another way for him to move characters to other realms in his stories.
*I* wish that he would write out all his stories, etc, as he is filled with them. But I'm coming to terms with that being MY wish not his. I do write things out for him when he asks. I've realized that he thinks faster then he can write and type but he CAN do both.
Without spelling lessons, he can spell rather well. I've become a very firm believer in what these ladies say about natural learning. I've been watching it happen. I TOTALLY get the *fear* of will they learn? I still have to remind myself to sit back and look at all he is doing then I see the learning happening.
Vicki ~ still learning to relax =)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
bluemoonascending
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
possibilites in the future. If they have an interest and we do not
manage to follow through on it *adequately* will they be missing out
on some opportunity? Honestly though, I would feel this way no
matter what type of learning environment they are in. With RU the
parent shoulders all of that *responsibility* and I can just imagine
reproaches ringing in my ears. This stems partially from other
complicated family issues in the past though. Plus I already have
gotten an earful from MIL about all the problems with my older son.
On the other hand, I tend to believe that allowing them freedom to
choose and explore will open up more possibilities and also help them
be aware of choices available. Too often I think individuals tend to
feel locked into a negative situation and not have the capacity to
reach beyond it. I do not want my kids to feel limited by outside
circumstances either.
wish lists, etc. unless I ask him to do so. When I do ask him, he is
agreable to doing whatever it is. He does not know how to spell much
at all...for example he would write NOW as NOU. W versus U pose a
particular problem for him. He has dyslexic *traits* and creatively
reverses letters that I did even know could be reversed. It has come
up where both of my kids feel embarrassed by how poorly they spell.
Their cousin (age 9 who spends half time with us, is also
homeschooled but parented very differently) spells and writes with
ease...much to their chagrin. I don't want them to choose NOT to do
something because writing might be involved.
members and random strangers. Comments such as: "Homeschooling is
OK, as long as you make your kids get up every morning and do
work." "It's those homeschoolers who say kids can learn math at the
grocery store who really bug me." "What kid is going to
spontaneously want to learn algebra?" "Multiplication tables are so
important that I make my daughter go beyond the required 12 times
tables and memorize up to 20" (followed by crazed, exasperated look
from daughter). I rarely engage in any conversations countering
people when they make statements such as those. I generally just say
something to the effect that homeschooling is such a different
educational experience, all that you thought you knew about
*learning* changes.
My husband is supportive of whatever we do. We have talked about
unschooling ideas, and while he has his own concerns--for example he
really wants them to learn complex maths--he does not second guess my
decisions. Actually my younger son most likely will happily go onto
algebra and beyond since he enjoys that kind of thinking. My husband
does have the idea they should be *challenged* to reach their maximum
ability. HOWEVER, he clearly sees how happy the kids are now
compared to when they were in public school and he does have a lot of
trust in me as their mom. Reading posts here has made me realize and
appreciate that. Whenever I express concerns he hugs me and says I
am doing a great job. But...my in laws are VERY critical of
homeschooling. They seem to think our kids are over
confident ...which alternately cracks me up and depresses me. MIL
said my older son "thinks he and his daddy are the smartest people in
the world, and he will never get along with people with an attitude
like that." All I could say was, "I am glad he doesn't think the
opposite." On the other hand, my dad likes to say, "Leave them to
their own devices, and they will grow up just fine." So I get some
good and some not so good.
It really is helpful to post and take the time to try to figure out
my thoughts/concerns/priorities. I am thinking I should start
blogging too!
Thanks for the comments and support.
Blue
>I think I have a fear of letting them down or limiting their realm of
> -----Original Message-----
> From: bluemoonascending <bluemoonone@...>
>
> The thing is though.....I
> am a worrier. I do not know how else to sum it up. I WORRY about
> whether or not I am doing them a terrible dis-service.
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> Which part bothers you?
>
> -=-=-==-
>
> I am just not sure I am prepared to take
> on the full responsibility...of unschooling.
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-
>
> Why not?
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
possibilites in the future. If they have an interest and we do not
manage to follow through on it *adequately* will they be missing out
on some opportunity? Honestly though, I would feel this way no
matter what type of learning environment they are in. With RU the
parent shoulders all of that *responsibility* and I can just imagine
reproaches ringing in my ears. This stems partially from other
complicated family issues in the past though. Plus I already have
gotten an earful from MIL about all the problems with my older son.
On the other hand, I tend to believe that allowing them freedom to
choose and explore will open up more possibilities and also help them
be aware of choices available. Too often I think individuals tend to
feel locked into a negative situation and not have the capacity to
reach beyond it. I do not want my kids to feel limited by outside
circumstances either.
> -=-=-=-=-or
>
> It seems as though I am on the edge...and trying to decide whether
> not to take the leap.I am afraid of heights. =P
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> Jump off the cliff, and you will find your wings.
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>accord,
> There are still some things I would like to
> see my kids do which they would not choose to do on their own
> at this time atleast (writing is the main thing).Grocery
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> What need do they have of writing at this time?
>
> Do they not write at all? IMs? Emails? Letters? Birthday cards?
> lists? Christmas wish lists?My older son, 11 1/2, does not write--no IM, emails, cards, lists,
wish lists, etc. unless I ask him to do so. When I do ask him, he is
agreable to doing whatever it is. He does not know how to spell much
at all...for example he would write NOW as NOU. W versus U pose a
particular problem for him. He has dyslexic *traits* and creatively
reverses letters that I did even know could be reversed. It has come
up where both of my kids feel embarrassed by how poorly they spell.
Their cousin (age 9 who spends half time with us, is also
homeschooled but parented very differently) spells and writes with
ease...much to their chagrin. I don't want them to choose NOT to do
something because writing might be involved.
> -=-=-=-=-=-time
>
> I just feel hesitant, and at this very moment I am having a hard
> pinpointing exactly why.I feel questioned repeatedly in small ways from friends, family
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> Anybody in the family---or a close friend---questioning you? Do you
> feel that you have to answer to someone?
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-
members and random strangers. Comments such as: "Homeschooling is
OK, as long as you make your kids get up every morning and do
work." "It's those homeschoolers who say kids can learn math at the
grocery store who really bug me." "What kid is going to
spontaneously want to learn algebra?" "Multiplication tables are so
important that I make my daughter go beyond the required 12 times
tables and memorize up to 20" (followed by crazed, exasperated look
from daughter). I rarely engage in any conversations countering
people when they make statements such as those. I generally just say
something to the effect that homeschooling is such a different
educational experience, all that you thought you knew about
*learning* changes.
My husband is supportive of whatever we do. We have talked about
unschooling ideas, and while he has his own concerns--for example he
really wants them to learn complex maths--he does not second guess my
decisions. Actually my younger son most likely will happily go onto
algebra and beyond since he enjoys that kind of thinking. My husband
does have the idea they should be *challenged* to reach their maximum
ability. HOWEVER, he clearly sees how happy the kids are now
compared to when they were in public school and he does have a lot of
trust in me as their mom. Reading posts here has made me realize and
appreciate that. Whenever I express concerns he hugs me and says I
am doing a great job. But...my in laws are VERY critical of
homeschooling. They seem to think our kids are over
confident ...which alternately cracks me up and depresses me. MIL
said my older son "thinks he and his daddy are the smartest people in
the world, and he will never get along with people with an attitude
like that." All I could say was, "I am glad he doesn't think the
opposite." On the other hand, my dad likes to say, "Leave them to
their own devices, and they will grow up just fine." So I get some
good and some not so good.
It really is helpful to post and take the time to try to figure out
my thoughts/concerns/priorities. I am thinking I should start
blogging too!
Thanks for the comments and support.
Blue
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: bluemoonascending <bluemoonone@...>
I think I have a fear of letting them down or limiting their realm of
possibilites in the future. If they have an interest and we do not
manage to follow through on it *adequately* will they be missing out
on some opportunity?
-=-=-=-=-
Possibly. Which is one reason I tend to lean the other way maybe a bit
too much.
Maybe not.
But I like to see them saturated and immersed in whatever's floating
their boats at the time. When they're done, they're done---and I know
there's no way I could've found more opportunities or "stuffed any more
into them. I try to exhaust my abilities. But when they're done, so am
I.
-=-=-=-=-=-
With RU the parent shoulders all of that *responsibility* and I can
just imagine
reproaches ringing in my ears.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Worrying about what others might say is no way to go through life, son.
<g>
Would you be happier sending your child to school where some *else*
shoulders that responsibility and allows *you* to just "float on by"?
Millions of parents do that every day. If the eventually see their
children as failures, they can blame someone else---the school, the
teachers, the "system."
That really gets no one nowhere.
-=-=-=-=-
This stems partially from other
complicated family issues in the past though.
-=-=-=-
You know, we ALL come with baggage.
-=-=-=-=-
Plus I already have
gotten an earful from MIL about all the problems with my older son.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm so glad that she finds her own husband, the parent of this
"problematic youth," so perfect. I would hope you think the same of
your child. <g>
Don't worry about her. She had her chance.
-==-=-=-=-
On the other hand, I tend to believe that allowing them freedom to
choose and explore will open up more possibilities and also help them
be aware of choices available.
-=-=-=-
Because the opposite is pretty sucky, huh?
-=-=-=-=-
Too often I think individuals tend to
feel locked into a negative situation and not have the capacity to
reach beyond it. I do not want my kids to feel limited by outside
circumstances either.
-=-=-=-=-=-
School often does that to people. <g> Mothers-in-law too. <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-
I am afraid of heights. =P
-=-=-=-=-
Banish fear!
-=-=-=-=-=-
My older son, 11 1/2, does not write--no IM, emails, cards, lists,
wish lists, etc. unless I ask him to do so.
-=-=-=-=-=-
He's only 11. He really has no NEED to write. What would he NEED to
write?
-=-=-=-=-=-
When I do ask him, he is
agreable to doing whatever it is. He does not know how to spell much
at all...for example he would write NOW as NOU. W versus U pose a
particular problem for him.
-=-=-=-=-
You know, he's following English rules, even though he finds no reason
to write---he understands that many "ou" words make the "ow" sound.
I *still* have trouble with b and d and p and q. I have to THINK when I
write---which way to face the particular letter. I rarely make the
mistake: I catch myself as I write it. But it IS an issue. And I'm
aware. But it matters to me, so I make that extra effort. When *he* is
ready, so will he!
-=-=-=-=-=-
He has dyslexic *traits* and creatively
reverses letters that I did even know could be reversed.
-=-=-=-=
Let's just say he's not ready yet. When he's ready, he will find a
method that works for him.
-=-=-=-=-=-
It has come up where both of my kids feel embarrassed by how poorly
they spell.
-=-=-=-=-
Then it will probably matter enough that they will do something about
it. When *they* are ready---and not a moment before.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Their cousin (age 9 who spends half time with us, is also
homeschooled but parented very differently) spells and writes with
ease...much to their chagrin. I don't want them to choose NOT to do
something because writing might be involved.
-=-=-=-=-=-
What can they do that he can't? I'm sure there are many things.
But quit comparing! <g>
We all have our own strengths. Dwelling on our weaknesses makes us
weaker.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I feel questioned repeatedly in small ways from friends, family
members and random strangers. Comments such as: "Homeschooling is
OK, as long as you make your kids get up every morning and do
work."
-=-=-=-=-
Maybe. But I don't believe that. Pass the bean dip, please.
-=-=-=-=-
"It's those homeschoolers who say kids can learn math at the
grocery store who really bug me."
=-=-=-=-=-
Yeah---math can ONLY be found in school classrooms in math workbooks.
Pass the bean dip, please.
-=-=-=-=-
"What kid is going to spontaneously want to learn algebra?"
-=-=-=-=-
Absolutely NO kid will ever want to learn algebra. That's why we have
mathematicians! Pass the bean dip, please.
-=-=-=-=-=-
"Multiplication tables are so
important that I make my daughter go beyond the required 12 times
tables and memorize up to 20" (followed by crazed, exasperated look
from daughter).
-=-=-=-=-
Yeah? How's that working for ya'? Pass the bean dip, please.
-=-=-=-=-
I rarely engage in any conversations countering
people when they make statements such as those.
-=-=-=-
Really? I CRAVE them! <g> My husband's boss's husband has tangled with
me before. <g> I truly enjoy those conversations.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I generally just say
something to the effect that homeschooling is such a different
educational experience, all that you thought you knew about
*learning* changes.
-=-=-=-
That's good! And then finish with "Pass the bean dip, please."
-=-=-=-=-
My husband is supportive of whatever we do. We have talked about
unschooling ideas, and while he has his own concerns--for example he
really wants them to learn complex maths
-=-=-=-=-
Can he give a particular reason WHY?
-=-=-=-=-=-
Actually my younger son most likely will happily go onto
algebra and beyond since he enjoys that kind of thinking.
-=-=-=-=-
Yeah---the ones that LIKE it, you can't hold them back!
But that's true of ANYTHING.
-=-==-=-=-
My husband does have the idea they should be *challenged* to reach
their maximum
ability.
-=-=-=-=-
Challenged---by an "outside" force? You know, someone who is passionate
about something CHOOSES to challenge HIMSELF to his maximum ability.
-=-=-=-=-
HOWEVER, he clearly sees how happy the kids are now
compared to when they were in public school and he does have a lot of
trust in me as their mom. Reading posts here has made me realize and
appreciate that. Whenever I express concerns he hugs me and says I
am doing a great job.
-=-=-=-=-
Cool. 'Cause not all of us have that! Appreciate it! <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-
But...my in laws are VERY critical of homeschooling.
-=-=-=-=-
And their criticisms matter...WHY?
-=-=-=-=-=-
They seem to think our kids are over confident
-=-=-==-
Yeah---that confidence is a DANGEROUS thing! Keep them AWAY from that!
-=-=-=-=-
MIL said my older son "thinks he and his daddy are the smartest
people in
the world, and he will never get along with people with an attitude
like that."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
And she's just a charmer, huh? <BWG>
Quick aside---is this the same kid who you're worried won't write???
Let him have confidence that he *will* and *can* learn it when he's
ready.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: bluemoonascending <bluemoonone@...>
I think I have a fear of letting them down or limiting their realm of
possibilites in the future. If they have an interest and we do not
manage to follow through on it *adequately* will they be missing out
on some opportunity?
-=-=-=-=-
Possibly. Which is one reason I tend to lean the other way maybe a bit
too much.
Maybe not.
But I like to see them saturated and immersed in whatever's floating
their boats at the time. When they're done, they're done---and I know
there's no way I could've found more opportunities or "stuffed any more
into them. I try to exhaust my abilities. But when they're done, so am
I.
-=-=-=-=-=-
With RU the parent shoulders all of that *responsibility* and I can
just imagine
reproaches ringing in my ears.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Worrying about what others might say is no way to go through life, son.
<g>
Would you be happier sending your child to school where some *else*
shoulders that responsibility and allows *you* to just "float on by"?
Millions of parents do that every day. If the eventually see their
children as failures, they can blame someone else---the school, the
teachers, the "system."
That really gets no one nowhere.
-=-=-=-=-
This stems partially from other
complicated family issues in the past though.
-=-=-=-
You know, we ALL come with baggage.
-=-=-=-=-
Plus I already have
gotten an earful from MIL about all the problems with my older son.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm so glad that she finds her own husband, the parent of this
"problematic youth," so perfect. I would hope you think the same of
your child. <g>
Don't worry about her. She had her chance.
-==-=-=-=-
On the other hand, I tend to believe that allowing them freedom to
choose and explore will open up more possibilities and also help them
be aware of choices available.
-=-=-=-
Because the opposite is pretty sucky, huh?
-=-=-=-=-
Too often I think individuals tend to
feel locked into a negative situation and not have the capacity to
reach beyond it. I do not want my kids to feel limited by outside
circumstances either.
-=-=-=-=-=-
School often does that to people. <g> Mothers-in-law too. <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-
I am afraid of heights. =P
-=-=-=-=-
Banish fear!
-=-=-=-=-=-
My older son, 11 1/2, does not write--no IM, emails, cards, lists,
wish lists, etc. unless I ask him to do so.
-=-=-=-=-=-
He's only 11. He really has no NEED to write. What would he NEED to
write?
-=-=-=-=-=-
When I do ask him, he is
agreable to doing whatever it is. He does not know how to spell much
at all...for example he would write NOW as NOU. W versus U pose a
particular problem for him.
-=-=-=-=-
You know, he's following English rules, even though he finds no reason
to write---he understands that many "ou" words make the "ow" sound.
I *still* have trouble with b and d and p and q. I have to THINK when I
write---which way to face the particular letter. I rarely make the
mistake: I catch myself as I write it. But it IS an issue. And I'm
aware. But it matters to me, so I make that extra effort. When *he* is
ready, so will he!
-=-=-=-=-=-
He has dyslexic *traits* and creatively
reverses letters that I did even know could be reversed.
-=-=-=-=
Let's just say he's not ready yet. When he's ready, he will find a
method that works for him.
-=-=-=-=-=-
It has come up where both of my kids feel embarrassed by how poorly
they spell.
-=-=-=-=-
Then it will probably matter enough that they will do something about
it. When *they* are ready---and not a moment before.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Their cousin (age 9 who spends half time with us, is also
homeschooled but parented very differently) spells and writes with
ease...much to their chagrin. I don't want them to choose NOT to do
something because writing might be involved.
-=-=-=-=-=-
What can they do that he can't? I'm sure there are many things.
But quit comparing! <g>
We all have our own strengths. Dwelling on our weaknesses makes us
weaker.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I feel questioned repeatedly in small ways from friends, family
members and random strangers. Comments such as: "Homeschooling is
OK, as long as you make your kids get up every morning and do
work."
-=-=-=-=-
Maybe. But I don't believe that. Pass the bean dip, please.
-=-=-=-=-
"It's those homeschoolers who say kids can learn math at the
grocery store who really bug me."
=-=-=-=-=-
Yeah---math can ONLY be found in school classrooms in math workbooks.
Pass the bean dip, please.
-=-=-=-=-
"What kid is going to spontaneously want to learn algebra?"
-=-=-=-=-
Absolutely NO kid will ever want to learn algebra. That's why we have
mathematicians! Pass the bean dip, please.
-=-=-=-=-=-
"Multiplication tables are so
important that I make my daughter go beyond the required 12 times
tables and memorize up to 20" (followed by crazed, exasperated look
from daughter).
-=-=-=-=-
Yeah? How's that working for ya'? Pass the bean dip, please.
-=-=-=-=-
I rarely engage in any conversations countering
people when they make statements such as those.
-=-=-=-
Really? I CRAVE them! <g> My husband's boss's husband has tangled with
me before. <g> I truly enjoy those conversations.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I generally just say
something to the effect that homeschooling is such a different
educational experience, all that you thought you knew about
*learning* changes.
-=-=-=-
That's good! And then finish with "Pass the bean dip, please."
-=-=-=-=-
My husband is supportive of whatever we do. We have talked about
unschooling ideas, and while he has his own concerns--for example he
really wants them to learn complex maths
-=-=-=-=-
Can he give a particular reason WHY?
-=-=-=-=-=-
Actually my younger son most likely will happily go onto
algebra and beyond since he enjoys that kind of thinking.
-=-=-=-=-
Yeah---the ones that LIKE it, you can't hold them back!
But that's true of ANYTHING.
-=-==-=-=-
My husband does have the idea they should be *challenged* to reach
their maximum
ability.
-=-=-=-=-
Challenged---by an "outside" force? You know, someone who is passionate
about something CHOOSES to challenge HIMSELF to his maximum ability.
-=-=-=-=-
HOWEVER, he clearly sees how happy the kids are now
compared to when they were in public school and he does have a lot of
trust in me as their mom. Reading posts here has made me realize and
appreciate that. Whenever I express concerns he hugs me and says I
am doing a great job.
-=-=-=-=-
Cool. 'Cause not all of us have that! Appreciate it! <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-
But...my in laws are VERY critical of homeschooling.
-=-=-=-=-
And their criticisms matter...WHY?
-=-=-=-=-=-
They seem to think our kids are over confident
-=-=-==-
Yeah---that confidence is a DANGEROUS thing! Keep them AWAY from that!
-=-=-=-=-
MIL said my older son "thinks he and his daddy are the smartest
people in
the world, and he will never get along with people with an attitude
like that."
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
And she's just a charmer, huh? <BWG>
Quick aside---is this the same kid who you're worried won't write???
Let him have confidence that he *will* and *can* learn it when he's
ready.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org