forcing gratitude
Valerie
Yesterday I picked my nephews up from school so they could spend the
evening with me. I couldn't check them out until 20 minutes before
the other kids got out because my sister "didn't want them to miss
anything."
I had a great evening with the boys and when it was time for me to
take them home so they could take their baths at 7:30 and be in bed
for 8 (god, I hate rigidity) they both cried and said they wanted to
stay with me. We hadn't done anything special; we just chilled and
each one did as they pleased the whole time with no one ordering
them around or correcting them.
We got an icecream (even one for my dog, Maelu) on the way home and
I cranked the rap music up(their dad doesn't allow it in "his" home)
and we rolled the windows down. In other words, we were being cool!
Their spirits were up again until we pulled in their driveway.
Their dad was outside watering his rose garden and the boys got out
and their attitudes immediately went glum. They moped down the drive
and didn't look back. I said, "Thank you for spending the evening
with me guys. I really enjoyed the company." I immediately regretted
saying anything because their dad then forced them to stop, turn
around and tell me thank you. He then tried to force them to hug me.
I told him that we had hugged all evening and their tears upon
leaving my house were all I needed to know they appreciated being
with me.
He just shook his head and smirked and said, "You'll never
understand."
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Nope, I certainly won't.
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
evening with me. I couldn't check them out until 20 minutes before
the other kids got out because my sister "didn't want them to miss
anything."
I had a great evening with the boys and when it was time for me to
take them home so they could take their baths at 7:30 and be in bed
for 8 (god, I hate rigidity) they both cried and said they wanted to
stay with me. We hadn't done anything special; we just chilled and
each one did as they pleased the whole time with no one ordering
them around or correcting them.
We got an icecream (even one for my dog, Maelu) on the way home and
I cranked the rap music up(their dad doesn't allow it in "his" home)
and we rolled the windows down. In other words, we were being cool!
Their spirits were up again until we pulled in their driveway.
Their dad was outside watering his rose garden and the boys got out
and their attitudes immediately went glum. They moped down the drive
and didn't look back. I said, "Thank you for spending the evening
with me guys. I really enjoyed the company." I immediately regretted
saying anything because their dad then forced them to stop, turn
around and tell me thank you. He then tried to force them to hug me.
I told him that we had hugged all evening and their tears upon
leaving my house were all I needed to know they appreciated being
with me.
He just shook his head and smirked and said, "You'll never
understand."
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Nope, I certainly won't.
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
Sharon Thomas
Valerie,
I was wondering if your sister& brother-in-law have shared their feelings
about how you raised Laurie? It sounds like they have very different ideas.
You mention that they are rigid. Is it their religion that may be directing
them? Or how they were raised? Possibly their friends?Peer pressure can
really be a hard thing to let go of.
Sounds like you all had a great time.Can I come and spend the evening with
you?LOL
blessings
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I was wondering if your sister& brother-in-law have shared their feelings
about how you raised Laurie? It sounds like they have very different ideas.
You mention that they are rigid. Is it their religion that may be directing
them? Or how they were raised? Possibly their friends?Peer pressure can
really be a hard thing to let go of.
Sounds like you all had a great time.Can I come and spend the evening with
you?LOL
blessings
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
TreeGoddess
On Sep 21, 2004, at 2:39 PM, Valerie wrote:
(please, thank you, etc.) and it sucked. Even if I actually felt
gratitude I felt like crap by being forced to say it against my will
rather than with sincerity. Yuck yuck yuck.
I've bookmarked an article by Naomi Aldort that I just love. It's
called "How Children Learn Manners" and you can read it at
http://www.naturalchild.org/naomi_aldort/manners.html
-Tracy-
> [ I immediately regretted saying anything because their dad thenAww, poor little guys. Bleck. I remember being forced to say things
> forced them to stop, turn around and tell me thank you. He then
> tried to force them to hug me. ]
(please, thank you, etc.) and it sucked. Even if I actually felt
gratitude I felt like crap by being forced to say it against my will
rather than with sincerity. Yuck yuck yuck.
I've bookmarked an article by Naomi Aldort that I just love. It's
called "How Children Learn Manners" and you can read it at
http://www.naturalchild.org/naomi_aldort/manners.html
-Tracy-
Sharon Thomas
As I read your post Tracy.....I remembered how it felt when I was a kid. I
did have those feelings at times. Hugging a relative I hardly knew and
really didn't want to or saying sorry when I wasn't. Mostly the expected
thank you". I was going to say it but apparently not soon enough. Took the
joy out of it.At other times it reminded me to if I forgot and I felt
embarrased at forgetting.
I'm guilty of saying it to my kids....kind of knee jerk I think. It is
expected and seems to slip out. I hope to make a change and allow my kids to
speak for themselves...or not. I remember saying " what do you say" when one
of mine was given something. I was feeling pressured (probably from myself)
and after I said it the adult looked at me and said "she already let me know
she liked it."
It stopped me short.Made me realize that a thank you doesn't always have to
be said to show "I like this or thanks."
I do have a question.....we have a relative that comes once a year for several days. She insists on kissing the kids on their lips. My kids really dislike it. My husband has mentioned it to her but no change.When my oldest turned her head away and kissed her on the cheek...she would take her face in her hands and hold her still and plant one on their lips. What's the best response? She will stand in front of me until I kiss her. I tried to turn my face to kiss her on the cheek but she will be persitent. She gets a "look" on her face so I usually give in and kiss her quick.I feel very uncomfortable...have told her myself that the kids weren't raised kissing on the lips and they feel uncomfortable but maybe too much time goes by between visits and she forgets.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
did have those feelings at times. Hugging a relative I hardly knew and
really didn't want to or saying sorry when I wasn't. Mostly the expected
thank you". I was going to say it but apparently not soon enough. Took the
joy out of it.At other times it reminded me to if I forgot and I felt
embarrased at forgetting.
I'm guilty of saying it to my kids....kind of knee jerk I think. It is
expected and seems to slip out. I hope to make a change and allow my kids to
speak for themselves...or not. I remember saying " what do you say" when one
of mine was given something. I was feeling pressured (probably from myself)
and after I said it the adult looked at me and said "she already let me know
she liked it."
It stopped me short.Made me realize that a thank you doesn't always have to
be said to show "I like this or thanks."
I do have a question.....we have a relative that comes once a year for several days. She insists on kissing the kids on their lips. My kids really dislike it. My husband has mentioned it to her but no change.When my oldest turned her head away and kissed her on the cheek...she would take her face in her hands and hold her still and plant one on their lips. What's the best response? She will stand in front of me until I kiss her. I tried to turn my face to kiss her on the cheek but she will be persitent. She gets a "look" on her face so I usually give in and kiss her quick.I feel very uncomfortable...have told her myself that the kids weren't raised kissing on the lips and they feel uncomfortable but maybe too much time goes by between visits and she forgets.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Valerie
Hi Sharon,
My sister has read my book and she chose not to comment. She's nine
years younger than me and used to leave notes lying around for me to
find, "Why are you ruining Laurie's life?" things like that. I
believe my sister would be less rigid in spite of being a
teacher/curriculum coordinator, but my bil is extremely rigid and
domineering and she tries to keep him happy too. She's one of these
women that can never say no. Because of that, she's suffering from
more health issues than anyone in our extended family. Her stress
level is off the charts. My bil had a heart attack earlier this
year.
They are Christian, but not fanatically so, although with her recent
wave of health problems, she seems to have turned more to God than
ever before. My theory is that bil is rigid because he grew up in a
home that was full of angst, anger, alcohol abuse and 4 sisters who
were all younger than him. He was the man of the house from a very
young age. He grew up in a chaotic home with no guidance (it seems)
and wants to make sure he keeps a firm hand on discipline with his
boys.
All of this is just guessing for me. They are pretty closed about
feelings and refuse to discuss issues where we disagree. My sister
and I agreed to keep opinions to ourselves years ago when I
suggested she try brown rice and whole wheat bread and her anger
astounded me. Needless to say, the kind of parenting I did is not
open to discussion. :-( It truly saddens me because she would be an
awesome unschooling mom.
With their friends, they seem to hold themselves up as the couple to
emulate. Perfection runs rampant! They are so very very hard on
themselves. He works fulltime and owns two carwashes and she works
overtime daily (without extra pay) and is the head of communications
for the teachers in the entire parish. She also teaches Sunday
School. An overachiever who's killing herself for everyone else.
Of course you can come spend the evening with me! I spent 30 minutes
today laughing at Maelu. I gave her the empty peanut butter jar and
she got every tiny bit of it from the bottom then shredded the
label. Maelu is the dog, not a child. <g>
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
--- In [email protected], "Sharon Thomas"
<meplusfive@b...> wrote:
My sister has read my book and she chose not to comment. She's nine
years younger than me and used to leave notes lying around for me to
find, "Why are you ruining Laurie's life?" things like that. I
believe my sister would be less rigid in spite of being a
teacher/curriculum coordinator, but my bil is extremely rigid and
domineering and she tries to keep him happy too. She's one of these
women that can never say no. Because of that, she's suffering from
more health issues than anyone in our extended family. Her stress
level is off the charts. My bil had a heart attack earlier this
year.
They are Christian, but not fanatically so, although with her recent
wave of health problems, she seems to have turned more to God than
ever before. My theory is that bil is rigid because he grew up in a
home that was full of angst, anger, alcohol abuse and 4 sisters who
were all younger than him. He was the man of the house from a very
young age. He grew up in a chaotic home with no guidance (it seems)
and wants to make sure he keeps a firm hand on discipline with his
boys.
All of this is just guessing for me. They are pretty closed about
feelings and refuse to discuss issues where we disagree. My sister
and I agreed to keep opinions to ourselves years ago when I
suggested she try brown rice and whole wheat bread and her anger
astounded me. Needless to say, the kind of parenting I did is not
open to discussion. :-( It truly saddens me because she would be an
awesome unschooling mom.
With their friends, they seem to hold themselves up as the couple to
emulate. Perfection runs rampant! They are so very very hard on
themselves. He works fulltime and owns two carwashes and she works
overtime daily (without extra pay) and is the head of communications
for the teachers in the entire parish. She also teaches Sunday
School. An overachiever who's killing herself for everyone else.
Of course you can come spend the evening with me! I spent 30 minutes
today laughing at Maelu. I gave her the empty peanut butter jar and
she got every tiny bit of it from the bottom then shredded the
label. Maelu is the dog, not a child. <g>
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
--- In [email protected], "Sharon Thomas"
<meplusfive@b...> wrote:
> Valerie,feelings
> I was wondering if your sister& brother-in-law have shared their
> about how you raised Laurie? It sounds like they have verydifferent ideas.
> You mention that they are rigid. Is it their religion that may bedirecting
> them? Or how they were raised? Possibly their friends?Peerpressure can
> really be a hard thing to let go of.evening with
> Sounds like you all had a great time.Can I come and spend the
> you?LOL
> blessings
> sharon
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
TreeGoddess
On Sep 21, 2004, at 10:39 PM, Sharon Thomas wrote:
I would love for her to visit our family that there would be NO kissing
on the lips nor would you be forcing your children to give hugs or
kisses. If she was OK with that then she would be joyfully welcomed,
but if she couldn't abide by that - and mean it - then she'd have to
postpone her visit until she was ready to do that.
That's just me though and I can be forceful even with family. I'm the
"bossy loudmouth" in my family though I like to think of me as truthful
and strong. ;) hee hee
-Tracy-
> [ I do have a question.....we have a relative that comes onceWell, personally *I* would let her know BEFORE her visit that although
> a year for several days. She insists on kissing the kids on
> their lips. My kids really dislike it. My husband has mentioned
> it to her but no change.When my oldest turned her head away
> and kissed her on the cheek...she would take her face in her
> hands and hold her still and plant one on their lips. What's the
> best response? She will stand in front of me until I kiss her.
> I tried to turn my face to kiss her on the cheek but she will
> be persitent. She gets a "look" on her face so I usually give in
> and kiss her quick.I feel very uncomfortable...have told her
> myself that the kids weren't raised kissing on the lips and
> they feel uncomfortable but maybe too much time goes by
> between visits and she forgets.]
I would love for her to visit our family that there would be NO kissing
on the lips nor would you be forcing your children to give hugs or
kisses. If she was OK with that then she would be joyfully welcomed,
but if she couldn't abide by that - and mean it - then she'd have to
postpone her visit until she was ready to do that.
That's just me though and I can be forceful even with family. I'm the
"bossy loudmouth" in my family though I like to think of me as truthful
and strong. ;) hee hee
-Tracy-
Robyn Coburn
<<<<Of course you can come spend the evening with me! I spent 30 minutes
today laughing at Maelu. I gave her the empty peanut butter jar and
she got every tiny bit of it from the bottom then shredded the
label. Maelu is the dog, not a child. <g>>>>>
A film makers' trick to keep a barking dog from disturbing the shooting is
to give the dog a wad of peanut butter, with a dog biscuit or just a lump of
it. The stuff sticks around their tongue and mouth and they spend ages
chewing instead of barking. They usually like it as a treat.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.752 / Virus Database: 503 - Release Date: 9/3/2004
today laughing at Maelu. I gave her the empty peanut butter jar and
she got every tiny bit of it from the bottom then shredded the
label. Maelu is the dog, not a child. <g>>>>>
A film makers' trick to keep a barking dog from disturbing the shooting is
to give the dog a wad of peanut butter, with a dog biscuit or just a lump of
it. The stuff sticks around their tongue and mouth and they spend ages
chewing instead of barking. They usually like it as a treat.
Robyn L. Coburn
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.752 / Virus Database: 503 - Release Date: 9/3/2004
Sharon Thomas
Tracy,
Hmmmm...any chance I could bribe you into a phone call?
Just teasing!!
I know it will need to be done. I'm afraid every time I have been firm on
something it back fires and I end up being "the bad guy".There are other
issues like: we homeschool, home worship, I'm a stay at home Mom, we cook
pretty naturally etc. We are really different and live simply.No fancy house
new cars every 4 years, designer clothes ( we do the thrift store thing) or
work 2 jobs and use daycare.
They came recently and although I thought it went pretty well....my kids
said after they left..."there's something different. I felt a stress or a
distance." We hear alot about the grandkids nearer to them. Classes,
parties,zoo trips or vacations. We get birthday pictures and hear what they
bought for them. When the closer kids came over for a week to spend with
them (they are grandparents...did you guess?) we heard what they did daily.
Horse back riding, swimming, eating out,fishing etc. I didn't read it all to
my kids because they don't ever do those things when they come. They would
have been hurt.My kids very perceptively said they feel that the
grandparents have favorites and it isn't them!
*sigh*
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Hmmmm...any chance I could bribe you into a phone call?
Just teasing!!
I know it will need to be done. I'm afraid every time I have been firm on
something it back fires and I end up being "the bad guy".There are other
issues like: we homeschool, home worship, I'm a stay at home Mom, we cook
pretty naturally etc. We are really different and live simply.No fancy house
new cars every 4 years, designer clothes ( we do the thrift store thing) or
work 2 jobs and use daycare.
They came recently and although I thought it went pretty well....my kids
said after they left..."there's something different. I felt a stress or a
distance." We hear alot about the grandkids nearer to them. Classes,
parties,zoo trips or vacations. We get birthday pictures and hear what they
bought for them. When the closer kids came over for a week to spend with
them (they are grandparents...did you guess?) we heard what they did daily.
Horse back riding, swimming, eating out,fishing etc. I didn't read it all to
my kids because they don't ever do those things when they come. They would
have been hurt.My kids very perceptively said they feel that the
grandparents have favorites and it isn't them!
*sigh*
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
TreeGoddess
On Sep 21, 2004, at 11:58 PM, Sharon Thomas wrote:
children? Is it your DH's parents? I'm assuming they are. Has DH
actually "laid down the law" with them about the kisses or was it sort
of half-hearted so as not to ruffle feathers on their end and to smooth
you down at the same time?
My DH is extremely protective of me and our children (in a *good* way -
not a psycho way LOL ;-). The first time I realized this was when I
was upstairs in my bed in loooong labor with baby #1 and just needed to
-sleep-. My mom popped over to be where the excitement was but at this
point there wasn't much going on except 'stalled' labor. He forbade my
mother from going upstairs "just for a minute" because he knew that I
would struggle to stay awake and make small talk with her instead of
getting the sleep I so desperately needed. He blocked the stairs and
everything until she left in a huff. When I found out I was a little
afraid for a moment -- as if *I* were going to get in trouble with my
mom like I was 12 and a friend smart-mouthed my mom or something. LOL
After my mind cleared and our DS was born I realized that *no one* had
ever really stood up for me and MY needs before. Never. I felt very
loved.
Sorry you have to deal with poopy-in-laws. Especially ones with
obvious favorites. My dad's mother played favorites *big time* with
one set of cousins. Their mom (my aunt) was not the best mom. Bar
hopping every night and ummmm kind of sleazy. I think my Grandma felt
sorry for them (guilt for her daughter being a crappy mom?) so she
bought them all kinds of things all the time. I remember one time the
whole family was over Gram's house for xmas and we had all opened our
gifts and were playing with them. My cousin, Penny, said "Let me show
you something!" We went to Grandma's bedroom and under her bed was
*stuffed* with wrapped gifts. How exciting! Nope. Penny said,
"Grandma said those are for us (her and her sister) after everyone
leaves!" My cousin didn't mean any harm by it -- she just wanted to
share her excitement with me, but my sister and I felt very bad. We
knew that we weren't the favorites, but we'd never seen it so obviously
prior to that. ::sigh::
Sorry for going on about a sad xmas and all. LOL I was just trying to
say that I understand. BTDT
Best of luck!
-Tracy-
> I know it will need to be done. I'm afraid every time I have been firmWill you be the 'bad guy' to the people that count -- yourself and your
> on
> something it back fires and I end up being "the bad guy".
children? Is it your DH's parents? I'm assuming they are. Has DH
actually "laid down the law" with them about the kisses or was it sort
of half-hearted so as not to ruffle feathers on their end and to smooth
you down at the same time?
My DH is extremely protective of me and our children (in a *good* way -
not a psycho way LOL ;-). The first time I realized this was when I
was upstairs in my bed in loooong labor with baby #1 and just needed to
-sleep-. My mom popped over to be where the excitement was but at this
point there wasn't much going on except 'stalled' labor. He forbade my
mother from going upstairs "just for a minute" because he knew that I
would struggle to stay awake and make small talk with her instead of
getting the sleep I so desperately needed. He blocked the stairs and
everything until she left in a huff. When I found out I was a little
afraid for a moment -- as if *I* were going to get in trouble with my
mom like I was 12 and a friend smart-mouthed my mom or something. LOL
After my mind cleared and our DS was born I realized that *no one* had
ever really stood up for me and MY needs before. Never. I felt very
loved.
Sorry you have to deal with poopy-in-laws. Especially ones with
obvious favorites. My dad's mother played favorites *big time* with
one set of cousins. Their mom (my aunt) was not the best mom. Bar
hopping every night and ummmm kind of sleazy. I think my Grandma felt
sorry for them (guilt for her daughter being a crappy mom?) so she
bought them all kinds of things all the time. I remember one time the
whole family was over Gram's house for xmas and we had all opened our
gifts and were playing with them. My cousin, Penny, said "Let me show
you something!" We went to Grandma's bedroom and under her bed was
*stuffed* with wrapped gifts. How exciting! Nope. Penny said,
"Grandma said those are for us (her and her sister) after everyone
leaves!" My cousin didn't mean any harm by it -- she just wanted to
share her excitement with me, but my sister and I felt very bad. We
knew that we weren't the favorites, but we'd never seen it so obviously
prior to that. ::sigh::
Sorry for going on about a sad xmas and all. LOL I was just trying to
say that I understand. BTDT
Best of luck!
-Tracy-
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/22/2004 7:35:17 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
treegoddess@... writes:
Will you be the 'bad guy' to the people that count -- yourself and your
children? Is it your DH's parents? I'm assuming they are. Has DH
actually "laid down the law" with them about the kisses or was it sort
of half-hearted so as not to ruffle feathers on their end and to smooth
you down at the same time?<<<<<
Not commenting about this specific post but about the kissing thing. I
always stood up for my boys in the moment. When a well meaning relative would
say "come give auntie a hug" or something like that and the boys would grab my
arm or say no. I would always say "that's OK, you don't have to if you don't
want to" to my son. And in front of the person. That way the person would
get the point that I would stick up for my sons decision and we didn't have
to talk person to person about it before hand. Now all of my relatives have
taken it OK and walked away OK about it. It never escalated beyond that.
Just my thoughts,
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
treegoddess@... writes:
Will you be the 'bad guy' to the people that count -- yourself and your
children? Is it your DH's parents? I'm assuming they are. Has DH
actually "laid down the law" with them about the kisses or was it sort
of half-hearted so as not to ruffle feathers on their end and to smooth
you down at the same time?<<<<<
Not commenting about this specific post but about the kissing thing. I
always stood up for my boys in the moment. When a well meaning relative would
say "come give auntie a hug" or something like that and the boys would grab my
arm or say no. I would always say "that's OK, you don't have to if you don't
want to" to my son. And in front of the person. That way the person would
get the point that I would stick up for my sons decision and we didn't have
to talk person to person about it before hand. Now all of my relatives have
taken it OK and walked away OK about it. It never escalated beyond that.
Just my thoughts,
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sharon Thomas
Pam,
that is a good idea. Have you never had a relative say anything later to
you or others?
I can see as I read everyones posts and my own that my difficulty is being
concerned with what others think of me more than standing up for my kids!!
Hmmmm.....I don't like that in me.
I think that in our society we are programmed to think of the adults over
children.Not a good excuse at all and kind of crummy......and in need of an
overhaul for me and mine.
thanks for the wake up call!!
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
that is a good idea. Have you never had a relative say anything later to
you or others?
I can see as I read everyones posts and my own that my difficulty is being
concerned with what others think of me more than standing up for my kids!!
Hmmmm.....I don't like that in me.
I think that in our society we are programmed to think of the adults over
children.Not a good excuse at all and kind of crummy......and in need of an
overhaul for me and mine.
thanks for the wake up call!!
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kate Sitzman
I do the same thing - If a relative wants a kiss and my kid doesn't want to
do it, I tell the child they don't have to. I usually don't get any trouble
form the adult in question, but if they ask me about it or give me a
disapproving look, I pull them aside and tell them that I am trying to help
my children understand that their bodies are their own and that they are in
control of when they provide physical affection, and who they provide it to.
If they wonder why, I tell them that kids who feel this type of ownership
over their bodies and affections are much less likely to be molested / date
raped etc. in the future. Obviously I don't imply that the relative is a
molester, only that the child is learning body-ownership. I tell them that
it may seem impolite right now, and no disrespect is intended, but it is
important for their future safety that they be able to make these types of
decisions for themselves. Most people get totally on board with that
explanation, and some even adopt it as their own philosophy. I admit I kind
of play up the danger factor and may point out that "I read it in a book" or
"it's all about safety" even though those aren't the main issues for me, but
it helps to make the argument to traditionally-minded folks.
Kate
do it, I tell the child they don't have to. I usually don't get any trouble
form the adult in question, but if they ask me about it or give me a
disapproving look, I pull them aside and tell them that I am trying to help
my children understand that their bodies are their own and that they are in
control of when they provide physical affection, and who they provide it to.
If they wonder why, I tell them that kids who feel this type of ownership
over their bodies and affections are much less likely to be molested / date
raped etc. in the future. Obviously I don't imply that the relative is a
molester, only that the child is learning body-ownership. I tell them that
it may seem impolite right now, and no disrespect is intended, but it is
important for their future safety that they be able to make these types of
decisions for themselves. Most people get totally on board with that
explanation, and some even adopt it as their own philosophy. I admit I kind
of play up the danger factor and may point out that "I read it in a book" or
"it's all about safety" even though those aren't the main issues for me, but
it helps to make the argument to traditionally-minded folks.
Kate
April M
This is what we've done since our oldest was a baby...it's worked very well
for us and most of the time we've had very positive responses...those that
don't...we don't see....
~April
Mom to Kate-18, Lisa-15, Karl-13, & Ben-9.
*REACH Homeschool Group, an inclusive group meeting throughout Oakland
County.. http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
*Michigan Youth Theater...Acting On Our Dreams...
<http://www.michiganyouththeater.org/>
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." ~~ Dennis P.
Kimbro
-----Original Message-----
From: Kate Sitzman [mailto:kate@...]
Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 2004 12:18 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] forcing gratitude
I do the same thing - If a relative wants a kiss and my kid doesn't want
to
do it, I tell the child they don't have to. I usually don't get any
trouble
form the adult in question, but if they ask me about it or give me a
disapproving look, I pull them aside and tell them that I am trying to
help
my children understand that their bodies are their own and that they are
in
control of when they provide physical affection, and who they provide it
to.
If they wonder why, I tell them that kids who feel this type of ownership
over their bodies and affections are much less likely to be molested /
date
raped etc. in the future. Obviously I don't imply that the relative is a
molester, only that the child is learning body-ownership. I tell them that
it may seem impolite right now, and no disrespect is intended, but it is
important for their future safety that they be able to make these types of
decisions for themselves. Most people get totally on board with that
explanation, and some even adopt it as their own philosophy. I admit I
kind
of play up the danger factor and may point out that "I read it in a book"
or
"it's all about safety" even though those aren't the main issues for me,
but
it helps to make the argument to traditionally-minded folks.
Kate
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
for us and most of the time we've had very positive responses...those that
don't...we don't see....
~April
Mom to Kate-18, Lisa-15, Karl-13, & Ben-9.
*REACH Homeschool Group, an inclusive group meeting throughout Oakland
County.. http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
*Michigan Youth Theater...Acting On Our Dreams...
<http://www.michiganyouththeater.org/>
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." ~~ Dennis P.
Kimbro
-----Original Message-----
From: Kate Sitzman [mailto:kate@...]
Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 2004 12:18 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] forcing gratitude
I do the same thing - If a relative wants a kiss and my kid doesn't want
to
do it, I tell the child they don't have to. I usually don't get any
trouble
form the adult in question, but if they ask me about it or give me a
disapproving look, I pull them aside and tell them that I am trying to
help
my children understand that their bodies are their own and that they are
in
control of when they provide physical affection, and who they provide it
to.
If they wonder why, I tell them that kids who feel this type of ownership
over their bodies and affections are much less likely to be molested /
date
raped etc. in the future. Obviously I don't imply that the relative is a
molester, only that the child is learning body-ownership. I tell them that
it may seem impolite right now, and no disrespect is intended, but it is
important for their future safety that they be able to make these types of
decisions for themselves. Most people get totally on board with that
explanation, and some even adopt it as their own philosophy. I admit I
kind
of play up the danger factor and may point out that "I read it in a book"
or
"it's all about safety" even though those aren't the main issues for me,
but
it helps to make the argument to traditionally-minded folks.
Kate
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sharon Thomas
Kate,
thanks!! that approach sounds very do-able for me. I think the relatives
would understand that.
Wish I had thought of that a while ago...but that's why it is nice to have
a board like this. when my mind is stumped it can get jump started by better
ideas.
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
thanks!! that approach sounds very do-able for me. I think the relatives
would understand that.
Wish I had thought of that a while ago...but that's why it is nice to have
a board like this. when my mind is stumped it can get jump started by better
ideas.
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sharon Thomas
April,
I think that's great. Have you had to make any choices with family on
this issue?Did the family member always accept your position? If not have
you "not seen them?" Has it made any problems in your immediate family?
This is probably a pretty flawed reasoning but we know no other
unschoolers. When we get together it is mostly homeschoolers (school at home
type) and occasionally public school kids.We don't see eye to eye on things.
We used to be the strict schoolers that had no tv, no computer games or
video games. It seemed we knew families that allowed it and we were the odd
man out. The past year we are now the ones with computer & video games and
allow tv.I thought we would fit in better but not so.It is a new group this
year and I listen to the discussions at karate & swimming about how
terrible they are or "we don't allow that in our house." I was asked once if
we allowed video games...I said "yes, my son has an xbox he bought with his
own money. he really enjoys it." Silence!!
I try to find things to talk about that we agree on and stay away from the
differences. The homeschoolers seem cliquish and it doesn't take much to
feel you don't belong. At swimming I have had to go up to the women to start
a conversation. It doesn't last long. Now I just go and sit/watch the kids
swim. It is for them anyway.
My husband is in another state getting ready to deploy overseas....I just
talked to him on the cell phone. I asked him about talking to his family
(parents) and he said he has no problem...I am the one that talks him out of
it. He's right. I had said that on a previous post. I need to work on it.
He also told me that I need to put the kids before others ideas or
opinions. If we don't have many outside friends that's ok...as long as we're
together as a family and everythings ok. What good is it to have friends you
aren't yourself with and you don't agree with?
I miss him being here to talk to.
thanks for listening and helping me to see the real issue is with me
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think that's great. Have you had to make any choices with family on
this issue?Did the family member always accept your position? If not have
you "not seen them?" Has it made any problems in your immediate family?
This is probably a pretty flawed reasoning but we know no other
unschoolers. When we get together it is mostly homeschoolers (school at home
type) and occasionally public school kids.We don't see eye to eye on things.
We used to be the strict schoolers that had no tv, no computer games or
video games. It seemed we knew families that allowed it and we were the odd
man out. The past year we are now the ones with computer & video games and
allow tv.I thought we would fit in better but not so.It is a new group this
year and I listen to the discussions at karate & swimming about how
terrible they are or "we don't allow that in our house." I was asked once if
we allowed video games...I said "yes, my son has an xbox he bought with his
own money. he really enjoys it." Silence!!
I try to find things to talk about that we agree on and stay away from the
differences. The homeschoolers seem cliquish and it doesn't take much to
feel you don't belong. At swimming I have had to go up to the women to start
a conversation. It doesn't last long. Now I just go and sit/watch the kids
swim. It is for them anyway.
My husband is in another state getting ready to deploy overseas....I just
talked to him on the cell phone. I asked him about talking to his family
(parents) and he said he has no problem...I am the one that talks him out of
it. He's right. I had said that on a previous post. I need to work on it.
He also told me that I need to put the kids before others ideas or
opinions. If we don't have many outside friends that's ok...as long as we're
together as a family and everythings ok. What good is it to have friends you
aren't yourself with and you don't agree with?
I miss him being here to talk to.
thanks for listening and helping me to see the real issue is with me
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/22/2004 11:51:37 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
meplusfive@... writes:
that is a good idea. Have you never had a relative say anything later to
you or others?<<<<
Never, maybe because I am directing my comments to my sons, it is in earshot
of the person asking for the hug or the kiss, but is not confronting them or
saying that what they are doing is bad, directly. It is just reassuring my
boys that they have a right to say no if they wish, and I will stand with
them. I always hated that with my parents, I had to hug grandma. Hated it.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
meplusfive@... writes:
that is a good idea. Have you never had a relative say anything later to
you or others?<<<<
Never, maybe because I am directing my comments to my sons, it is in earshot
of the person asking for the hug or the kiss, but is not confronting them or
saying that what they are doing is bad, directly. It is just reassuring my
boys that they have a right to say no if they wish, and I will stand with
them. I always hated that with my parents, I had to hug grandma. Hated it.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nellebelle
It's a safety issue too. If their own parents force them to hug or kiss against their will, how will they know how to resist when someone else asks them to do it?
Mary Ellen
Mary Ellen
----- Original Message ----- It is just reassuring my
boys that they have a right to say no if they wish, and I will stand with
them.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 9/22/2004 4:35:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
nellebelle@... writes:
If their own parents force them to hug or kiss against their will, how will
they know how to resist when someone else asks them to do it?<<<<<
They don't I can say that from experience.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nellebelle@... writes:
If their own parents force them to hug or kiss against their will, how will
they know how to resist when someone else asks them to do it?<<<<<
They don't I can say that from experience.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jen Wiley-Cordone
Just adding another note. When my father came to visit my (then) 2 1/3
year old daughter, he pinched her bottom (not creepy, just cute). She
said "<Big Sigh> Grandpa!! You don't get to touch my body. It's my
body!! Now ask." He laughingly said "Can I pinch your bottom?" and She
said "Hmmmmm....I'll think about it? Ask me again tomorrow."
year old daughter, he pinched her bottom (not creepy, just cute). She
said "<Big Sigh> Grandpa!! You don't get to touch my body. It's my
body!! Now ask." He laughingly said "Can I pinch your bottom?" and She
said "Hmmmmm....I'll think about it? Ask me again tomorrow."
>
>
>
Joan Labbe & Salvatore Genovese
________________________________________________________________________
"Message: 13
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2004 13:33:11 -0700
From: "nellebelle" <nellebelle@...>
Subject: Re: forcing gratitude
It's a safety issue too. If their own parents force them to hug or kiss
against their will, how will they know how to resist when someone else asks
them to do it?
Mary Ellen"
I wanted to add that it's also a boundary issue and one thing that's helped
my kids is our having strong ways of stating our boundaries particuarly
about our bodies. I was at my SIL's one day when my son was young and my
brother was playing a chase game with him that my son was thoroughly
enjoying. But when my brother got close, my son screamed at the top of his
lungs. My SIL went up gently, got down on his level and said "Hey, Nicky,
you can use your stop sign like this.." and she put up her hand in a stop
sign. We all loved it and thus the "Body Stop Sign" was born at our house -
it has been fabulous and is enforced by me when necessary but generally just
hugely respected by each kid because they want it to be respected when they
use it.
Kids should definitely know that they can speak up and be supported if a
relative is doing something they don't like to their bodies. My favorite
story about this is that my father in law who is Sicilian is very tuned out
to younger kids in particular and likes to just grab the younger ones and
hug them. To him it's a game. To them it's terrifying to be grabbed
against your will and submitted to a hug. He's ruined his relationship with
his oldest Grandaughter, Chiara, over this type of treatment. We live
further away, but it was an issue for my daughter as well - and given that
she's highly sensitive, she FELT it a lot. Now the thing is that my Mother
in law is always telling him to cut it out (usually in a string of
Sicilian) - she is fabulous about respecting kids' space and letting them
come to her after they connect with her. So I've never felt the need to
have a specific conversation with my FIL about it since his wife is forever
having that conversation with him but not to much permanent effect. Since
we don't see them often, it wasn't a real biggie, but they visited when my
son was young and my daughter was about 3 or so. Usual grabbing thing and
then MIL telling him off ... my dd was sitting on a chair regarding him that
first day of the visit and she turned to me (close by and ready to intervene
to prevent any grabbing trauma) and said "Mama, how do we get the grab out
of Nonno?"
Well it was a bit uncomfortable with my FIL sitting right there, but I
ignored my own social stuff and said "Well, maybe you could tell him how
much you don't like it and ask him not to do it again." So she turned to my
FIL and said "Nonno, I don't like it when you grab me. Could you please
stop?" And do you know what? He DID. He NEVER grabbed her again which
shows the power of her saying it to him instead of all of us whom he
probably dismissed in his head as not getting that it was playful. In his
head I think he really thought the kids enjoyed it regardless of their
reactions which he wasn't tuned into. It took her telling him for him to
really get it and WOW, what empowerment for my daughter! We went out this
past April to visit my in-laws (they are in Michigan, we are in
Massachusetts) for Easter and my daughter decided her "favorite" was Nonno -
she sat in his gruff lap and kissed him much to my astonishment all the time
and wow, did it change his demeanor and his gruffness to have her doing
that.
That's one story with a good ending....on the other side of things, I have a
BIL near me (my sister's husband) who yells at his daughter a lot and
despite conversations I've had with him about it, he just can't control
himself enough not to do the yelling around us (it's not "at" my dd, and
it's not derrogatory stuff with name calling but she's very sensitive to how
others are treated and I agree). So she's decided she doesn't want to be
around him anymore although she still loves my niece his daughter, so we are
honoring that despite the difficulty of telling him about it and arranging
playdates with my niece where she doesn't see him for more than a pickup or
drop off.
BTW, I'm not a confrontational person at all, so I've had to drag myself
into doing these things, but I do it because the import to my kids and their
future lives and feelings about themselves is huge and way more important
than my own reluctance, embarassment or any adult hurt feelings.
Joan
"Message: 13
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2004 13:33:11 -0700
From: "nellebelle" <nellebelle@...>
Subject: Re: forcing gratitude
It's a safety issue too. If their own parents force them to hug or kiss
against their will, how will they know how to resist when someone else asks
them to do it?
Mary Ellen"
I wanted to add that it's also a boundary issue and one thing that's helped
my kids is our having strong ways of stating our boundaries particuarly
about our bodies. I was at my SIL's one day when my son was young and my
brother was playing a chase game with him that my son was thoroughly
enjoying. But when my brother got close, my son screamed at the top of his
lungs. My SIL went up gently, got down on his level and said "Hey, Nicky,
you can use your stop sign like this.." and she put up her hand in a stop
sign. We all loved it and thus the "Body Stop Sign" was born at our house -
it has been fabulous and is enforced by me when necessary but generally just
hugely respected by each kid because they want it to be respected when they
use it.
Kids should definitely know that they can speak up and be supported if a
relative is doing something they don't like to their bodies. My favorite
story about this is that my father in law who is Sicilian is very tuned out
to younger kids in particular and likes to just grab the younger ones and
hug them. To him it's a game. To them it's terrifying to be grabbed
against your will and submitted to a hug. He's ruined his relationship with
his oldest Grandaughter, Chiara, over this type of treatment. We live
further away, but it was an issue for my daughter as well - and given that
she's highly sensitive, she FELT it a lot. Now the thing is that my Mother
in law is always telling him to cut it out (usually in a string of
Sicilian) - she is fabulous about respecting kids' space and letting them
come to her after they connect with her. So I've never felt the need to
have a specific conversation with my FIL about it since his wife is forever
having that conversation with him but not to much permanent effect. Since
we don't see them often, it wasn't a real biggie, but they visited when my
son was young and my daughter was about 3 or so. Usual grabbing thing and
then MIL telling him off ... my dd was sitting on a chair regarding him that
first day of the visit and she turned to me (close by and ready to intervene
to prevent any grabbing trauma) and said "Mama, how do we get the grab out
of Nonno?"
Well it was a bit uncomfortable with my FIL sitting right there, but I
ignored my own social stuff and said "Well, maybe you could tell him how
much you don't like it and ask him not to do it again." So she turned to my
FIL and said "Nonno, I don't like it when you grab me. Could you please
stop?" And do you know what? He DID. He NEVER grabbed her again which
shows the power of her saying it to him instead of all of us whom he
probably dismissed in his head as not getting that it was playful. In his
head I think he really thought the kids enjoyed it regardless of their
reactions which he wasn't tuned into. It took her telling him for him to
really get it and WOW, what empowerment for my daughter! We went out this
past April to visit my in-laws (they are in Michigan, we are in
Massachusetts) for Easter and my daughter decided her "favorite" was Nonno -
she sat in his gruff lap and kissed him much to my astonishment all the time
and wow, did it change his demeanor and his gruffness to have her doing
that.
That's one story with a good ending....on the other side of things, I have a
BIL near me (my sister's husband) who yells at his daughter a lot and
despite conversations I've had with him about it, he just can't control
himself enough not to do the yelling around us (it's not "at" my dd, and
it's not derrogatory stuff with name calling but she's very sensitive to how
others are treated and I agree). So she's decided she doesn't want to be
around him anymore although she still loves my niece his daughter, so we are
honoring that despite the difficulty of telling him about it and arranging
playdates with my niece where she doesn't see him for more than a pickup or
drop off.
BTW, I'm not a confrontational person at all, so I've had to drag myself
into doing these things, but I do it because the import to my kids and their
future lives and feelings about themselves is huge and way more important
than my own reluctance, embarassment or any adult hurt feelings.
Joan
Sharon Thomas
Joan you wrote:
**BTW, I'm not a confrontational person at all, so I've had to drag myself
into doing these things, but I do it because the import to my kids and their
future lives and feelings about themselves is huge and way more important
than my own reluctance, embarassment or any adult hurt feelings.**
This really made an impression on me. I have allowed my feelings of
embarrasment to overpower my childs feelings or the opinions/feelings of
other adults. Much to my regret. Thank you for putting it into words....it
helps me alot!
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
**BTW, I'm not a confrontational person at all, so I've had to drag myself
into doing these things, but I do it because the import to my kids and their
future lives and feelings about themselves is huge and way more important
than my own reluctance, embarassment or any adult hurt feelings.**
This really made an impression on me. I have allowed my feelings of
embarrasment to overpower my childs feelings or the opinions/feelings of
other adults. Much to my regret. Thank you for putting it into words....it
helps me alot!
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tara Marie Colbert
WOW! I've been reading all these comments on allowing kids to say no to unwanted physical contact and am so glad to hear it. I have a vivid memory of when I was a little girl hiding behind a reclining chair while my parents and grandparents were making me "go and give your "uncle" a kiss..." I was so scared and felt so bad at the same time that I was hurting his feelings. I ended up letting him hug me....It's odd now when I look at how that lesson played a very large part in my future relations with the opposite sex. Thankfully now I have had the privilege of standing up for my daughter where her grandfather was concerned. I was nervous and scared to confront him ( hurt his feelings..), but I spoke to the man on the phone and confronted him with my daughter's concern. Even though I believe the grandfather to be innocent in his actions, I knew the effect it would have on my daughter in the long run. The sad part is I could never stand up for myself. The great part and the liberating part is that I now get the chance to help my own daughter set boundries for her future...
Tara
Tara
----- Original Message -----
From: Genant2@...
Never, maybe because I am directing my comments to my sons, it is in earshot
of the person asking for the hug or the kiss, but is not confronting them or
saying that what they are doing is bad, directly. It is just reassuring my
boys that they have a right to say no if they wish, and I will stand with
them. I always hated that with my parents, I had to hug grandma. Hated it.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
April M
On this particular issue, I've never had more than strange looks...but heck,
I get those all the time anyway!
Like you, I started being rather restrictive with TV, though not with
food...and I've always respected my kids right to
say no...so I was an odd mix even when we were restrictive....now we are on
the other end (and oddly enough, most days my kids watch less TV now then
when I restricted it!) we have TV, game cube, game boys, and no rules to
regulate them. I have slowly changed so people have had time to adjust....I
am very fortunate to live in an area that is very diverse in population and
in homeschool styles. I started one of the first inclusive groups in our
area and have worked hard to make it open to all. I have friends that are
waaaayyy restrictive and friends that are like myself and lots somewhere in
between. We tend to hang out more with the relaxed families but no one
gives me a hard time. My family thinks I'm a little nutty...but most of them
don't live anywhere near me so I don't care. I have always done what I think
is best for my family and they have always saved their comments for talking
behind my back! ;)
~April
Mom to Kate-18, Lisa-15, Karl-13, & Ben-9.
*REACH Homeschool Group, an inclusive group meeting throughout Oakland
County.. http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
*Michigan Youth Theater...Acting On Our Dreams...
<http://www.michiganyouththeater.org/>
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." ~~ Dennis P.
Kimbro
-----Original Message-----
From: Sharon Thomas [mailto:meplusfive@...]
Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 2004 2:50 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] forcing gratitude
April,
I think that's great. Have you had to make any choices with family on
this issue?Did the family member always accept your position? If not have
you "not seen them?" Has it made any problems in your immediate family?
This is probably a pretty flawed reasoning but we know no other
unschoolers. When we get together it is mostly homeschoolers (school at
home
type) and occasionally public school kids.We don't see eye to eye on
things.
We used to be the strict schoolers that had no tv, no computer games or
video games. It seemed we knew families that allowed it and we were the
odd
man out. The past year we are now the ones with computer & video games and
allow tv.I thought we would fit in better but not so.It is a new group
this
year and I listen to the discussions at karate & swimming about how
terrible they are or "we don't allow that in our house." I was asked once
if
we allowed video games...I said "yes, my son has an xbox he bought with
his
own money. he really enjoys it." Silence!!
I try to find things to talk about that we agree on and stay away from
the
differences. The homeschoolers seem cliquish and it doesn't take much to
feel you don't belong. At swimming I have had to go up to the women to
start
a conversation. It doesn't last long. Now I just go and sit/watch the kids
swim. It is for them anyway.
My husband is in another state getting ready to deploy overseas....I
just
talked to him on the cell phone. I asked him about talking to his family
(parents) and he said he has no problem...I am the one that talks him out
of
it. He's right. I had said that on a previous post. I need to work on it.
He also told me that I need to put the kids before others ideas or
opinions. If we don't have many outside friends that's ok...as long as
we're
together as a family and everythings ok. What good is it to have friends
you
aren't yourself with and you don't agree with?
I miss him being here to talk to.
thanks for listening and helping me to see the real issue is with me
sharon
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
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b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I get those all the time anyway!
Like you, I started being rather restrictive with TV, though not with
food...and I've always respected my kids right to
say no...so I was an odd mix even when we were restrictive....now we are on
the other end (and oddly enough, most days my kids watch less TV now then
when I restricted it!) we have TV, game cube, game boys, and no rules to
regulate them. I have slowly changed so people have had time to adjust....I
am very fortunate to live in an area that is very diverse in population and
in homeschool styles. I started one of the first inclusive groups in our
area and have worked hard to make it open to all. I have friends that are
waaaayyy restrictive and friends that are like myself and lots somewhere in
between. We tend to hang out more with the relaxed families but no one
gives me a hard time. My family thinks I'm a little nutty...but most of them
don't live anywhere near me so I don't care. I have always done what I think
is best for my family and they have always saved their comments for talking
behind my back! ;)
~April
Mom to Kate-18, Lisa-15, Karl-13, & Ben-9.
*REACH Homeschool Group, an inclusive group meeting throughout Oakland
County.. http://www.homeschoolingonashoestring.com/REACH_home.html
*Michigan Youth Theater...Acting On Our Dreams...
<http://www.michiganyouththeater.org/>
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." ~~ Dennis P.
Kimbro
-----Original Message-----
From: Sharon Thomas [mailto:meplusfive@...]
Sent: Wednesday, September 22, 2004 2:50 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] forcing gratitude
April,
I think that's great. Have you had to make any choices with family on
this issue?Did the family member always accept your position? If not have
you "not seen them?" Has it made any problems in your immediate family?
This is probably a pretty flawed reasoning but we know no other
unschoolers. When we get together it is mostly homeschoolers (school at
home
type) and occasionally public school kids.We don't see eye to eye on
things.
We used to be the strict schoolers that had no tv, no computer games or
video games. It seemed we knew families that allowed it and we were the
odd
man out. The past year we are now the ones with computer & video games and
allow tv.I thought we would fit in better but not so.It is a new group
this
year and I listen to the discussions at karate & swimming about how
terrible they are or "we don't allow that in our house." I was asked once
if
we allowed video games...I said "yes, my son has an xbox he bought with
his
own money. he really enjoys it." Silence!!
I try to find things to talk about that we agree on and stay away from
the
differences. The homeschoolers seem cliquish and it doesn't take much to
feel you don't belong. At swimming I have had to go up to the women to
start
a conversation. It doesn't last long. Now I just go and sit/watch the kids
swim. It is for them anyway.
My husband is in another state getting ready to deploy overseas....I
just
talked to him on the cell phone. I asked him about talking to his family
(parents) and he said he has no problem...I am the one that talks him out
of
it. He's right. I had said that on a previous post. I need to work on it.
He also told me that I need to put the kids before others ideas or
opinions. If we don't have many outside friends that's ok...as long as
we're
together as a family and everythings ok. What good is it to have friends
you
aren't yourself with and you don't agree with?
I miss him being here to talk to.
thanks for listening and helping me to see the real issue is with me
sharon
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