Knowing yourself/encouragement from others
Carron Armstrong
What do you all do if you believe your child is capable of doing something,
but feels reluctant? I am not naturally a risk-taker. I recognize that
comes a lot in part from the way I was raised. My parents were
supercautious and often told us that things were dangerous or that couldn't
do things. I have fought against that tendency in myself and forced myself
to take risks. This ranges from riding rollercoasters to quitting a job I
hated, to going back to school to train for a second career, to
homeschooling my children, and lots of smaller tasks. Almost without fail,
I have been delighted with the outcome of these "risky" behaviors. But I
still have to convince myself that I can do them. It really helps me when
others express confidence in me and encourage me to do these things.
How about kids? For instance, learning to drive. When your child is old
enough and you believe that he/she is capable, but the child is reluctant,
do you encourage the child to try? I would tend to do that because I know
that in my own experience, it feels so good to accomplish something that I
was reluctant to start. It could be other things, like jumping off the high
dive, riding a rollercoaster. Yesterday, we were at Six Flags and it
reminded me of just a couple of years ago when I encouraged my son to try a
rollercoaster that he indicated he wanted to try but was scared of. I gave
him the facts about rollercoasters, that the chances of something happening
to him were practically nil, that he would get an incredible adrenaline
rush, that he might decide he hates it, but he might decide he loves it,
that he had very little to lose and might learn something about himself in
the process. He tried it and came off flush with excitement. "Thanks so
much, Mom, for encouraging me to try. I LOVED it!"
I felt that without my encouragement, he would not have gone and would have
missed out on a great experience. What do you guys think?
Carron
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
but feels reluctant? I am not naturally a risk-taker. I recognize that
comes a lot in part from the way I was raised. My parents were
supercautious and often told us that things were dangerous or that couldn't
do things. I have fought against that tendency in myself and forced myself
to take risks. This ranges from riding rollercoasters to quitting a job I
hated, to going back to school to train for a second career, to
homeschooling my children, and lots of smaller tasks. Almost without fail,
I have been delighted with the outcome of these "risky" behaviors. But I
still have to convince myself that I can do them. It really helps me when
others express confidence in me and encourage me to do these things.
How about kids? For instance, learning to drive. When your child is old
enough and you believe that he/she is capable, but the child is reluctant,
do you encourage the child to try? I would tend to do that because I know
that in my own experience, it feels so good to accomplish something that I
was reluctant to start. It could be other things, like jumping off the high
dive, riding a rollercoaster. Yesterday, we were at Six Flags and it
reminded me of just a couple of years ago when I encouraged my son to try a
rollercoaster that he indicated he wanted to try but was scared of. I gave
him the facts about rollercoasters, that the chances of something happening
to him were practically nil, that he would get an incredible adrenaline
rush, that he might decide he hates it, but he might decide he loves it,
that he had very little to lose and might learn something about himself in
the process. He tried it and came off flush with excitement. "Thanks so
much, Mom, for encouraging me to try. I LOVED it!"
I felt that without my encouragement, he would not have gone and would have
missed out on a great experience. What do you guys think?
Carron
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Carron Armstrong <carronna@...>
What do you all do if you believe your child is capable of doing
something,
but feels reluctant?
-=-=-=-
Well, I believe my boys are capable of doing anything and everything.
That doesn't mean they are ready.
I feel it's my job to accept that they *are* where they *are* at this
moment.
I encourage a lot. Sometimes they push themselves further. Sometimes
they don't. The deal is: *I* have to be OK with their decisions.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I am not naturally a risk-taker. I recognize that
comes a lot in part from the way I was raised. My parents were
supercautious and often told us that things were dangerous or that
couldn't
do things. I have fought against that tendency in myself and forced
myself
to take risks. This ranges from riding rollercoasters to quitting a
job I
hated, to going back to school to train for a second career, to
homeschooling my children, and lots of smaller tasks. Almost without
fail,
I have been delighted with the outcome of these "risky" behaviors. But
I
still have to convince myself that I can do them. It really helps me
when
others express confidence in me and encourage me to do these things.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm a HUGE risk-taker---not necessarily with physical harm (although
riding racehorses and hunter/jumpers IS fairly physically risky! <G>)
or illegal stuff---more with "what if"---like new businesses and
conferences and keeping bees and planting a flower *there* and
traveling a LOT---stuff that won't get me hurt or imprisoned or cause
me too much physical pain.
But my father *always* told me that I could do anything. Be anything.
And I believed him. I still do.
So my boys see me model it. Taking risks is not without failures
though---and I have no problem owning up to my learning-takes. I've
learned a lot from my failures---or maybe..."unsuccesses" is better. <G>
-=-=-=-=-
How about kids? For instance, learning to drive. When your child is
old
enough and you believe that he/she is capable, but the child is
reluctant,
do you encourage the child to try?
-=-=-=-
I'd encourage. But I'd hold no expectations that they should reach for.
They need to have their own expectations---not mine.
If they are supported---wholly and unconditionally, they *will* take
risks---risks that *they* are comfortable with.
-=-=-=-=-
I would tend to do that because I know
that in my own experience, it feels so good to accomplish something
that I
was reluctant to start. It could be other things, like jumping off the
high
dive, riding a rollercoaster. Yesterday, we were at Six Flags and it
reminded me of just a couple of years ago when I encouraged my son to
try a
rollercoaster that he indicated he wanted to try but was scared of. I
gave
him the facts about rollercoasters, that the chances of something
happening
to him were practically nil, that he would get an incredible adrenaline
rush, that he might decide he hates it, but he might decide he loves it,
that he had very little to lose and might learn something about himself
in
the process. He tried it and came off flush with excitement. "Thanks
so
much, Mom, for encouraging me to try. I LOVED it!"
-=-=-=-==-
What you earned was his trust. He trusted you a little already---enough
to try it. Then his trust in you doubled because he found that you were
RIGHT!
It's when our "try-it-you'll-have-fun-I-promise" encouragements have
*negative* outcomes. We LOSE credibility then. And that's really hard
to earn back.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I felt that without my encouragement, he would not have gone and would
have
missed out on a great experience. What do you guys think?
-=-=-=-=-
Again, if you KNOW you're right, it works well and can be empowering to
the child.
Used for your own goals and purposes, it can backfire and have
long-lasting negative results.
My thought: use my influence *wisely*. <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: Carron Armstrong <carronna@...>
What do you all do if you believe your child is capable of doing
something,
but feels reluctant?
-=-=-=-
Well, I believe my boys are capable of doing anything and everything.
That doesn't mean they are ready.
I feel it's my job to accept that they *are* where they *are* at this
moment.
I encourage a lot. Sometimes they push themselves further. Sometimes
they don't. The deal is: *I* have to be OK with their decisions.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I am not naturally a risk-taker. I recognize that
comes a lot in part from the way I was raised. My parents were
supercautious and often told us that things were dangerous or that
couldn't
do things. I have fought against that tendency in myself and forced
myself
to take risks. This ranges from riding rollercoasters to quitting a
job I
hated, to going back to school to train for a second career, to
homeschooling my children, and lots of smaller tasks. Almost without
fail,
I have been delighted with the outcome of these "risky" behaviors. But
I
still have to convince myself that I can do them. It really helps me
when
others express confidence in me and encourage me to do these things.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm a HUGE risk-taker---not necessarily with physical harm (although
riding racehorses and hunter/jumpers IS fairly physically risky! <G>)
or illegal stuff---more with "what if"---like new businesses and
conferences and keeping bees and planting a flower *there* and
traveling a LOT---stuff that won't get me hurt or imprisoned or cause
me too much physical pain.
But my father *always* told me that I could do anything. Be anything.
And I believed him. I still do.
So my boys see me model it. Taking risks is not without failures
though---and I have no problem owning up to my learning-takes. I've
learned a lot from my failures---or maybe..."unsuccesses" is better. <G>
-=-=-=-=-
How about kids? For instance, learning to drive. When your child is
old
enough and you believe that he/she is capable, but the child is
reluctant,
do you encourage the child to try?
-=-=-=-
I'd encourage. But I'd hold no expectations that they should reach for.
They need to have their own expectations---not mine.
If they are supported---wholly and unconditionally, they *will* take
risks---risks that *they* are comfortable with.
-=-=-=-=-
I would tend to do that because I know
that in my own experience, it feels so good to accomplish something
that I
was reluctant to start. It could be other things, like jumping off the
high
dive, riding a rollercoaster. Yesterday, we were at Six Flags and it
reminded me of just a couple of years ago when I encouraged my son to
try a
rollercoaster that he indicated he wanted to try but was scared of. I
gave
him the facts about rollercoasters, that the chances of something
happening
to him were practically nil, that he would get an incredible adrenaline
rush, that he might decide he hates it, but he might decide he loves it,
that he had very little to lose and might learn something about himself
in
the process. He tried it and came off flush with excitement. "Thanks
so
much, Mom, for encouraging me to try. I LOVED it!"
-=-=-=-==-
What you earned was his trust. He trusted you a little already---enough
to try it. Then his trust in you doubled because he found that you were
RIGHT!
It's when our "try-it-you'll-have-fun-I-promise" encouragements have
*negative* outcomes. We LOSE credibility then. And that's really hard
to earn back.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I felt that without my encouragement, he would not have gone and would
have
missed out on a great experience. What do you guys think?
-=-=-=-=-
Again, if you KNOW you're right, it works well and can be empowering to
the child.
Used for your own goals and purposes, it can backfire and have
long-lasting negative results.
My thought: use my influence *wisely*. <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Jeanette Crichton
~~~What do you all do if you believe your child is capable of doing
something, but feels reluctant?
I tell my oldest son that fear is normal. I tell him that being scared shouldn't stop someone from doing something, but rather to help us look at whatever we're afraid of in a different way, take baby steps, try something different, see something differently, try later etc. Then I have stepped out of the way. This has been HUGE for him! He used to be told-don't be scared, you can do it! He now knows that he CAN do anything (even when he is afraid), but it just might take some time to figure it out. He is 5, and since I have told him this he has been on his first rollercoaster ride, started to swim underwater, started jumping into the pool, tries to catch a football (he was so scared of balls), started hanging from monkey bars, and talking to new people. This has all happened in the past month! His confidence is now on a major high!
My youngest son is not reluctant at all. I feel that some of it is in his personality, but the rest of his confidence has more to do with the different ways that I raised them in the beginning.
Jeanette
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
something, but feels reluctant?
I tell my oldest son that fear is normal. I tell him that being scared shouldn't stop someone from doing something, but rather to help us look at whatever we're afraid of in a different way, take baby steps, try something different, see something differently, try later etc. Then I have stepped out of the way. This has been HUGE for him! He used to be told-don't be scared, you can do it! He now knows that he CAN do anything (even when he is afraid), but it just might take some time to figure it out. He is 5, and since I have told him this he has been on his first rollercoaster ride, started to swim underwater, started jumping into the pool, tries to catch a football (he was so scared of balls), started hanging from monkey bars, and talking to new people. This has all happened in the past month! His confidence is now on a major high!
My youngest son is not reluctant at all. I feel that some of it is in his personality, but the rest of his confidence has more to do with the different ways that I raised them in the beginning.
Jeanette
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]