Help with brothers...
swissarmy_wife
My 9 year old has bunkbeds. He uses the top bunk as a "sanctuary"
away from the 3 year old. Mostly for breakable things like Lego's and
his drawings that he does not want ruined. Recently the 3 year old
has figured out how to climb up WITHOUT the ladder. A few times he
was welcomed up there. But many times he is NOT. Usually an argument
and tears begin and that's my cue. I'm desperately trying to get the
older one to call for me FIRST. Which in fact he has become much
better at. There used to be a lock on the door, but the little one
has resorted to charging the door over and over and over again until
he can get in. He's persistant. :-)
We've been having some issues with the 9 year old lately. I really
feel, that being about 8 months pregnant has strained our
relationship, and I'm really trying to reconnect with him, and honor
his wishes, and overall treat him with the same respect that we had
before I got pregnant because I haven't been. So, I feel that he has
every right, to say that his little brother cannot play on his top
bunk if he does not want him to. The problem is that there is no
redirecting this child. Once he is dead set on getting on that top
bunk, he wants nothing else in the world. Not trains, power rangers,
candy, hugs, singing, dancing, or anything else will make him happy.
It's gotten to the point where I've resorted to prying him off the
bed, and carrying him down the stairs and doing everything possible to
prevent him from bothering his brother. But he isn't looking for a
connection with me. He's looking to connect with his brother.
So, I am meeting the needs of the older boy. But I'm not helping to
meet any needs of the 3 year old. And I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty
over the way the younger one is being treated. Hormones are
preventing me from thinking so quickly, and after its all over, I
usually end up in tears over my shotty parenting. (hormonal pregnant
tears :-)
Any ideas? This is getting REALLY tough.
away from the 3 year old. Mostly for breakable things like Lego's and
his drawings that he does not want ruined. Recently the 3 year old
has figured out how to climb up WITHOUT the ladder. A few times he
was welcomed up there. But many times he is NOT. Usually an argument
and tears begin and that's my cue. I'm desperately trying to get the
older one to call for me FIRST. Which in fact he has become much
better at. There used to be a lock on the door, but the little one
has resorted to charging the door over and over and over again until
he can get in. He's persistant. :-)
We've been having some issues with the 9 year old lately. I really
feel, that being about 8 months pregnant has strained our
relationship, and I'm really trying to reconnect with him, and honor
his wishes, and overall treat him with the same respect that we had
before I got pregnant because I haven't been. So, I feel that he has
every right, to say that his little brother cannot play on his top
bunk if he does not want him to. The problem is that there is no
redirecting this child. Once he is dead set on getting on that top
bunk, he wants nothing else in the world. Not trains, power rangers,
candy, hugs, singing, dancing, or anything else will make him happy.
It's gotten to the point where I've resorted to prying him off the
bed, and carrying him down the stairs and doing everything possible to
prevent him from bothering his brother. But he isn't looking for a
connection with me. He's looking to connect with his brother.
So, I am meeting the needs of the older boy. But I'm not helping to
meet any needs of the 3 year old. And I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty
over the way the younger one is being treated. Hormones are
preventing me from thinking so quickly, and after its all over, I
usually end up in tears over my shotty parenting. (hormonal pregnant
tears :-)
Any ideas? This is getting REALLY tough.
Faith Void
oh gosh. I was there last year! I don't have any great advice but hang
in there. We are working through the strains that came up through my
pregnancy and moving. I'd love to hear what the wise women on here
have to say.
Faith
in there. We are working through the strains that came up through my
pregnancy and moving. I'd love to hear what the wise women on here
have to say.
Faith
On Sun, May 4, 2008 at 11:09 AM, swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
> My 9 year old has bunkbeds. He uses the top bunk as a "sanctuary"
> away from the 3 year old. Mostly for breakable things like Lego's and
> his drawings that he does not want ruined. Recently the 3 year old
> has figured out how to climb up WITHOUT the ladder. A few times he
> was welcomed up there. But many times he is NOT. Usually an argument
> and tears begin and that's my cue. I'm desperately trying to get the
> older one to call for me FIRST. Which in fact he has become much
> better at. There used to be a lock on the door, but the little one
> has resorted to charging the door over and over and over again until
> he can get in. He's persistant. :-)
>
> We've been having some issues with the 9 year old lately. I really
> feel, that being about 8 months pregnant has strained our
> relationship, and I'm really trying to reconnect with him, and honor
> his wishes, and overall treat him with the same respect that we had
> before I got pregnant because I haven't been. So, I feel that he has
> every right, to say that his little brother cannot play on his top
> bunk if he does not want him to. The problem is that there is no
> redirecting this child. Once he is dead set on getting on that top
> bunk, he wants nothing else in the world. Not trains, power rangers,
> candy, hugs, singing, dancing, or anything else will make him happy.
> It's gotten to the point where I've resorted to prying him off the
> bed, and carrying him down the stairs and doing everything possible to
> prevent him from bothering his brother. But he isn't looking for a
> connection with me. He's looking to connect with his brother.
>
> So, I am meeting the needs of the older boy. But I'm not helping to
> meet any needs of the 3 year old. And I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty
> over the way the younger one is being treated. Hormones are
> preventing me from thinking so quickly, and after its all over, I
> usually end up in tears over my shotty parenting. (hormonal pregnant
> tears :-)
>
> Any ideas? This is getting REALLY tough.
>
>
--
www.bearthmama.com
Mara
We had some issues a while ago with my 3 y.o. braking my 6 y.o.'s Lego sets and we made a shelf that he can reach and see but that we have told him these are the things that his brother would not like to have broken. He understood as he has seen his brother sad about what he did. I would sit down and build him Lego sets that for some time he just had interest in taking apart. Now at almost 4 he likes building more than taking apart and owns quite a few of his own Lego sets. I do know how it gets that something his brother has seems so much more enticing than anything else in the whole world. If it is the top bunk he likes so much, could you talk to your older brother about maybe moving his breakable things somewhere else for the time being so that the younger one can explore the bunk at his leasure ? Or if you go up with the little one for some time and make sure he looks and not breaks until he tires of the activity, maybe talking to your 9 y.o. that
usually a 3 y.o.'d attention span is not too long anyways ? - If space and money are not an issue, can he get his own bunk (IKEA is pretty cheap), or his own 'special' place made up with chairs and blankets etc.? Talking to the 3 y.o. about what it is he really wants (brother? bunk? Legos's? Looking at the paintings?) and then seeing how that can somehow be honored might help. It takes time to learn how to come up with solutions outside the box, I am still struggling with it sometimes, but you will be surprised at what you might come up with. It helps to just breathe for a moment and asking yourself, ' what is it that is most needed in this very moment?' And then be still to have the answer come to you. It works wonders for me.
If he wants for example 'brother's attention' and the brother is not willing to give it, it might help to just talk about it: Your brother is very busy right now, is there something we can do that would make you feel better in the meantime? Don't know if this helps -
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, May 4, 2008 11:09:33 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help with brothers...
My 9 year old has bunkbeds. He uses the top bunk as a "sanctuary"
away from the 3 year old. Mostly for breakable things like Lego's and
his drawings that he does not want ruined. Recently the 3 year old
has figured out how to climb up WITHOUT the ladder. A few times he
was welcomed up there. But many times he is NOT. Usually an argument
and tears begin and that's my cue. I'm desperately trying to get the
older one to call for me FIRST. Which in fact he has become much
better at. There used to be a lock on the door, but the little one
has resorted to charging the door over and over and over again until
he can get in. He's persistant. :-)
We've been having some issues with the 9 year old lately. I really
feel, that being about 8 months pregnant has strained our
relationship, and I'm really trying to reconnect with him, and honor
his wishes, and overall treat him with the same respect that we had
before I got pregnant because I haven't been. So, I feel that he has
every right, to say that his little brother cannot play on his top
bunk if he does not want him to. The problem is that there is no
redirecting this child. Once he is dead set on getting on that top
bunk, he wants nothing else in the world. Not trains, power rangers,
candy, hugs, singing, dancing, or anything else will make him happy.
It's gotten to the point where I've resorted to prying him off the
bed, and carrying him down the stairs and doing everything possible to
prevent him from bothering his brother. But he isn't looking for a
connection with me. He's looking to connect with his brother.
So, I am meeting the needs of the older boy. But I'm not helping to
meet any needs of the 3 year old. And I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty
over the way the younger one is being treated. Hormones are
preventing me from thinking so quickly, and after its all over, I
usually end up in tears over my shotty parenting. (hormonal pregnant
tears :-)
Any ideas? This is getting REALLY tough.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
usually a 3 y.o.'d attention span is not too long anyways ? - If space and money are not an issue, can he get his own bunk (IKEA is pretty cheap), or his own 'special' place made up with chairs and blankets etc.? Talking to the 3 y.o. about what it is he really wants (brother? bunk? Legos's? Looking at the paintings?) and then seeing how that can somehow be honored might help. It takes time to learn how to come up with solutions outside the box, I am still struggling with it sometimes, but you will be surprised at what you might come up with. It helps to just breathe for a moment and asking yourself, ' what is it that is most needed in this very moment?' And then be still to have the answer come to you. It works wonders for me.
If he wants for example 'brother's attention' and the brother is not willing to give it, it might help to just talk about it: Your brother is very busy right now, is there something we can do that would make you feel better in the meantime? Don't know if this helps -
Mara
----- Original Message ----
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, May 4, 2008 11:09:33 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help with brothers...
My 9 year old has bunkbeds. He uses the top bunk as a "sanctuary"
away from the 3 year old. Mostly for breakable things like Lego's and
his drawings that he does not want ruined. Recently the 3 year old
has figured out how to climb up WITHOUT the ladder. A few times he
was welcomed up there. But many times he is NOT. Usually an argument
and tears begin and that's my cue. I'm desperately trying to get the
older one to call for me FIRST. Which in fact he has become much
better at. There used to be a lock on the door, but the little one
has resorted to charging the door over and over and over again until
he can get in. He's persistant. :-)
We've been having some issues with the 9 year old lately. I really
feel, that being about 8 months pregnant has strained our
relationship, and I'm really trying to reconnect with him, and honor
his wishes, and overall treat him with the same respect that we had
before I got pregnant because I haven't been. So, I feel that he has
every right, to say that his little brother cannot play on his top
bunk if he does not want him to. The problem is that there is no
redirecting this child. Once he is dead set on getting on that top
bunk, he wants nothing else in the world. Not trains, power rangers,
candy, hugs, singing, dancing, or anything else will make him happy.
It's gotten to the point where I've resorted to prying him off the
bed, and carrying him down the stairs and doing everything possible to
prevent him from bothering his brother. But he isn't looking for a
connection with me. He's looking to connect with his brother.
So, I am meeting the needs of the older boy. But I'm not helping to
meet any needs of the 3 year old. And I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty
over the way the younger one is being treated. Hormones are
preventing me from thinking so quickly, and after its all over, I
usually end up in tears over my shotty parenting. (hormonal pregnant
tears :-)
Any ideas? This is getting REALLY tough.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
--- In [email protected], Mara <mamadeluz@...> wrote:
I would sit down and build him Lego sets that for some time he just
had interest in taking apart. Now at almost 4 he likes building more
than taking apart and owns quite a few of his own Lego sets.
--------------
I've thought of getting him his own Lego's. But this isn't really
where the problems occurs. We practically have a Lego land in the
bedrooms.
--------------
If it is the top bunk he likes so much, could you talk to your older
brother about maybe moving his breakable things somewhere else for
the time being so that the younger one can explore the bunk at his
leasure ?
--------------
No one really seems willing to budge on the issue. :-( As he gets
older he is getting a little more territorial. I feel that if I push
him too hard to share his space, he will resent sharing it at all.
--------------
If space and money are not an issue, can he get his own bunk (IKEA is
pretty cheap), or his own 'special' place made up with chairs and
blankets etc.?
--------------
Hmmm.... not a bad idea, since there is a new baby on the way anyway.
Thanks!
--------------
Talking to the 3 y.o. about what it is he really wants (brother? bunk?
Legos's? Looking at the paintings?) and then seeing how that can
somehow be honored might help.
--------------
And here lies one of the problems. He's not really in the mode to be
communicating when this happens. He just wants to be where his
brother is at all times! :-)
--------------
My husband actually came up with the idea to ask the 9 y.o. to mention
it to us BEFORE he goes up for "alone time". now obviously this isn't
a foolproof plan, but might help avoid the struggle on a few occasions.
It's really funny how when they shared a bedroom there seemed to be so
many less struggles. But now that they are in different rooms, each
is fighting for their territory.
Thanks for the input. :-)
keetry
--- In [email protected], "swissarmy_wife"
<heatherbean@...> wrote:
something he wants only that and there's no redirecting,
distracting, whatever. The only thing that can be done is remove him
entirely from the situation. My 4yo doesn't want to play with the
baby most of the time. He has his own thing he's doing and the baby
messes it up.
him a lot more than I did my 4yo for the simple fact that he bothers
his big brother.
I don't have any suggestions, just commiseration. This, too, shall
pass (right?).
Alysia
<heatherbean@...> wrote:
>rangers,
> The problem is that there is no
> redirecting this child. Once he is dead set on getting on that top
> bunk, he wants nothing else in the world. Not trains, power
> candy, hugs, singing, dancing, or anything else will make himhappy.
> It's gotten to the point where I've resorted to <snip> doingeverything possible to
> prevent him from bothering his brother. But he isn't looking for aI've been having the same problem with my almost 11mo. When he wants
> connection with me. He's looking to connect with his brother.
something he wants only that and there's no redirecting,
distracting, whatever. The only thing that can be done is remove him
entirely from the situation. My 4yo doesn't want to play with the
baby most of the time. He has his own thing he's doing and the baby
messes it up.
> So, I am meeting the needs of the older boy. But I'm not helpingto
> meet any needs of the 3 year old. And I'm feeling TERRIBLY guiltyI feel this way, too, about the baby. I feel like I'm saying No to
> over the way the younger one is being treated.
him a lot more than I did my 4yo for the simple fact that he bothers
his big brother.
I don't have any suggestions, just commiseration. This, too, shall
pass (right?).
Alysia
Heather
Boy can I relate, and unfortunately only commiserate too!
My son is 4 Friday and his step-bro will be 10 Friday. And they have
bunk beds too! The oldest has never liked sleeping on the top bunk,
but was willing to try it at this new house. Maybe moving helped?
Maybe cause the room is his favorite color? Maybe he has grown in a
month since last asking? Who knows!
But I do know it is very, very hard for us to keep the peace at our
house and it is the biggest thing I need help with. My step-son comes
up every 2 weeks which equates for about 4 whole days each month!
That is not much time for anyone, so the last thing I want is for him
to hate coming up here because of his little brother. He too can
climb with no ladder and has little fear of being up so high. He even
has his own legos and items just like his big brother so that he has
less to bother his brother about, yet it is never ending. 80-90% of
the time someone is always going to be miserable. And unfortunately
the youngest one screams the loudest and makes life the worst for
everyone when he is not happy... so he often gets alot of what he
wants just out of sheer fatigue/desperation on everyone's part.
I do know that I have made sure the oldest has his time alone in the
last 5 months. It has meant dealing with an out of control,
unconsolable almost 4 yr old but it does seems to be what's best some
times. Maybe this is what sparked the transition of the oldest to
being able to sleep in the top bunk without complaining. I just know
the kids are spending more quiet and quality time together since
making sure the oldest has his quiet time with friends/ or whatever.
(yet i can only base this on 1 weekend at the new house. that's all
the oldest has been here) He is very reserved, shy, and often
depressed. He is use to a lonely, quiet house so coming to a house
with a WILD and loud child who has no concept of personal boundaries
is a hard change. I personally think things are worse because the
kids live in seperate houses but I have nothing to base this on
except several 10-14 day visits during the summer by the oldest
child. We all fall into a little more of a routine then, but it is
still hard and I would love hearing solutions! (ones that can't
require dealing with the other mother who won't cooperate)
I have sometimes insisted the oldest play with the youngest but I
have also tried to find things they can do together, even if
seperately and differently, just so the youngest feels less left out.
Whether it helps or not I can't say but it seems to give some sort of
peace. Some thigns are playing Gameboy at the same time. Playing with
playdough, riding bikes (can cause more problems than good), watching
movies, playing PS2 together. I can't think of anything else. I know
when they were younger they both enjoyed tub time together sometimes.
The oldest thought it would suck yet he found it hilarious being able
to put soap suds or something on the youngest withou thim knowing it.
Now they are both too old.
I do feel when no one wants to get along things are worse than b4! I
personally remember my sister locking me in my room and punishing us
when my mother was away. She was 7.5 yrs older.
My son is 4 Friday and his step-bro will be 10 Friday. And they have
bunk beds too! The oldest has never liked sleeping on the top bunk,
but was willing to try it at this new house. Maybe moving helped?
Maybe cause the room is his favorite color? Maybe he has grown in a
month since last asking? Who knows!
But I do know it is very, very hard for us to keep the peace at our
house and it is the biggest thing I need help with. My step-son comes
up every 2 weeks which equates for about 4 whole days each month!
That is not much time for anyone, so the last thing I want is for him
to hate coming up here because of his little brother. He too can
climb with no ladder and has little fear of being up so high. He even
has his own legos and items just like his big brother so that he has
less to bother his brother about, yet it is never ending. 80-90% of
the time someone is always going to be miserable. And unfortunately
the youngest one screams the loudest and makes life the worst for
everyone when he is not happy... so he often gets alot of what he
wants just out of sheer fatigue/desperation on everyone's part.
I do know that I have made sure the oldest has his time alone in the
last 5 months. It has meant dealing with an out of control,
unconsolable almost 4 yr old but it does seems to be what's best some
times. Maybe this is what sparked the transition of the oldest to
being able to sleep in the top bunk without complaining. I just know
the kids are spending more quiet and quality time together since
making sure the oldest has his quiet time with friends/ or whatever.
(yet i can only base this on 1 weekend at the new house. that's all
the oldest has been here) He is very reserved, shy, and often
depressed. He is use to a lonely, quiet house so coming to a house
with a WILD and loud child who has no concept of personal boundaries
is a hard change. I personally think things are worse because the
kids live in seperate houses but I have nothing to base this on
except several 10-14 day visits during the summer by the oldest
child. We all fall into a little more of a routine then, but it is
still hard and I would love hearing solutions! (ones that can't
require dealing with the other mother who won't cooperate)
I have sometimes insisted the oldest play with the youngest but I
have also tried to find things they can do together, even if
seperately and differently, just so the youngest feels less left out.
Whether it helps or not I can't say but it seems to give some sort of
peace. Some thigns are playing Gameboy at the same time. Playing with
playdough, riding bikes (can cause more problems than good), watching
movies, playing PS2 together. I can't think of anything else. I know
when they were younger they both enjoyed tub time together sometimes.
The oldest thought it would suck yet he found it hilarious being able
to put soap suds or something on the youngest withou thim knowing it.
Now they are both too old.
I do feel when no one wants to get along things are worse than b4! I
personally remember my sister locking me in my room and punishing us
when my mother was away. She was 7.5 yrs older.
Shannon Bonafede
I have a seven year old boy, a three year old girl and a three month old
boy. My son has "off limit toys" and we clearly define who's toys is who's -
that it is great to share and acceptable to be selfish. I know this is not
your issue but to understand our method - you must understand our
philosophy. This also applies to ones time. As a mother when I am home I am
almost always available to share time with any or all children. It is not
always on their terms though. Such as...
When I am cooking lunch in the kitchen. I am available in the kitchen where
I will read, talk or anything else I can multi-task doing. If I am
breastfeeding the baby I am available to do sit down things such as cuddle,
talk or read stories (as long as they don't squish the baby).
There are times I am unaccessable like bathtime which usually happens after
the children go to bed or designated phone call times (appointments I make
to call doctors, etc). When I am doing one on one time with one of the other
children I won't even pick up the phone. It does result in upsets
sometimes... my oldest is beginning to understand because he likes having
alone time now too. He has to let me know, just like I tell them and/or my
hubby that I am in need of some alone time and that I am going to go take
it.
My three year old does not always understand and diverting her away from her
brother takes not only effort but consistancy. Older child is wants to be
alone right now, is there something the younger child would like to go with
you. I did not do a lot of schooling or direction with my seven year old but
my daughter likes to do color worksheets and a couple educational sites
starfall.com and sillybooks.net both are free and directed towards young
children - 2 - 10. She also has activities she perfers to do on her own.
I am not saying there are no disagreements or that everything is quiet and
peaceful all the time. It does help and they do find times that they enjoy
being together. Today they just went outside together and had a lot of fun
outside with no prompting from me.
Good luck,
Shannon
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of swissarmy_wife
Sent: Sunday, May 04, 2008 11:10 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help with brothers...
My 9 year old has bunkbeds. He uses the top bunk as a "sanctuary"
away from the 3 year old. Mostly for breakable things like Lego's and
his drawings that he does not want ruined. Recently the 3 year old
has figured out how to climb up WITHOUT the ladder. A few times he
was welcomed up there. But many times he is NOT. Usually an argument
and tears begin and that's my cue. I'm desperately trying to get the
older one to call for me FIRST. Which in fact he has become much
better at. There used to be a lock on the door, but the little one
has resorted to charging the door over and over and over again until
he can get in. He's persistant. :-)
We've been having some issues with the 9 year old lately. I really
feel, that being about 8 months pregnant has strained our
relationship, and I'm really trying to reconnect with him, and honor
his wishes, and overall treat him with the same respect that we had
before I got pregnant because I haven't been. So, I feel that he has
every right, to say that his little brother cannot play on his top
bunk if he does not want him to. The problem is that there is no
redirecting this child. Once he is dead set on getting on that top
bunk, he wants nothing else in the world. Not trains, power rangers,
candy, hugs, singing, dancing, or anything else will make him happy.
It's gotten to the point where I've resorted to prying him off the
bed, and carrying him down the stairs and doing everything possible to
prevent him from bothering his brother. But he isn't looking for a
connection with me. He's looking to connect with his brother.
So, I am meeting the needs of the older boy. But I'm not helping to
meet any needs of the 3 year old. And I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty
over the way the younger one is being treated. Hormones are
preventing me from thinking so quickly, and after its all over, I
usually end up in tears over my shotty parenting. (hormonal pregnant
tears :-)
Any ideas? This is getting REALLY tough.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
boy. My son has "off limit toys" and we clearly define who's toys is who's -
that it is great to share and acceptable to be selfish. I know this is not
your issue but to understand our method - you must understand our
philosophy. This also applies to ones time. As a mother when I am home I am
almost always available to share time with any or all children. It is not
always on their terms though. Such as...
When I am cooking lunch in the kitchen. I am available in the kitchen where
I will read, talk or anything else I can multi-task doing. If I am
breastfeeding the baby I am available to do sit down things such as cuddle,
talk or read stories (as long as they don't squish the baby).
There are times I am unaccessable like bathtime which usually happens after
the children go to bed or designated phone call times (appointments I make
to call doctors, etc). When I am doing one on one time with one of the other
children I won't even pick up the phone. It does result in upsets
sometimes... my oldest is beginning to understand because he likes having
alone time now too. He has to let me know, just like I tell them and/or my
hubby that I am in need of some alone time and that I am going to go take
it.
My three year old does not always understand and diverting her away from her
brother takes not only effort but consistancy. Older child is wants to be
alone right now, is there something the younger child would like to go with
you. I did not do a lot of schooling or direction with my seven year old but
my daughter likes to do color worksheets and a couple educational sites
starfall.com and sillybooks.net both are free and directed towards young
children - 2 - 10. She also has activities she perfers to do on her own.
I am not saying there are no disagreements or that everything is quiet and
peaceful all the time. It does help and they do find times that they enjoy
being together. Today they just went outside together and had a lot of fun
outside with no prompting from me.
Good luck,
Shannon
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of swissarmy_wife
Sent: Sunday, May 04, 2008 11:10 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help with brothers...
My 9 year old has bunkbeds. He uses the top bunk as a "sanctuary"
away from the 3 year old. Mostly for breakable things like Lego's and
his drawings that he does not want ruined. Recently the 3 year old
has figured out how to climb up WITHOUT the ladder. A few times he
was welcomed up there. But many times he is NOT. Usually an argument
and tears begin and that's my cue. I'm desperately trying to get the
older one to call for me FIRST. Which in fact he has become much
better at. There used to be a lock on the door, but the little one
has resorted to charging the door over and over and over again until
he can get in. He's persistant. :-)
We've been having some issues with the 9 year old lately. I really
feel, that being about 8 months pregnant has strained our
relationship, and I'm really trying to reconnect with him, and honor
his wishes, and overall treat him with the same respect that we had
before I got pregnant because I haven't been. So, I feel that he has
every right, to say that his little brother cannot play on his top
bunk if he does not want him to. The problem is that there is no
redirecting this child. Once he is dead set on getting on that top
bunk, he wants nothing else in the world. Not trains, power rangers,
candy, hugs, singing, dancing, or anything else will make him happy.
It's gotten to the point where I've resorted to prying him off the
bed, and carrying him down the stairs and doing everything possible to
prevent him from bothering his brother. But he isn't looking for a
connection with me. He's looking to connect with his brother.
So, I am meeting the needs of the older boy. But I'm not helping to
meet any needs of the 3 year old. And I'm feeling TERRIBLY guilty
over the way the younger one is being treated. Hormones are
preventing me from thinking so quickly, and after its all over, I
usually end up in tears over my shotty parenting. (hormonal pregnant
tears :-)
Any ideas? This is getting REALLY tough.
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