HELP son's whining is driving me nuts
shari bergquist
Hi everyone,
I hate to sound this way but my almost four year's old son's whining is
driving us all nuts. Jackson wants someone to play with him ALL of the
time. He is having a hard time ever playing by himself and would rather
just whine and beg us to play with him. I play with him a lot and the girls
ages 12 and almost 9 play with him most of the day. However when anyone
needs/wants to take a break he has a major fit and starts whining or what
sounds like fake crying(sure it is real to him though). I am newer to
unschooling we started this past fall and with the girls I would've sent
them to their room to have their fit but now I don't really feel like that
is the answer in our new unschooly life but I truly don't know what else to
do. I refuse to make the girls play with him when they really don't feel
like it. Then when we do play with him if we don't play exactly the way he
wants us to then he freaks out and starts crying/whining that we aren't
playing the "right" way. Anyone have any suggestions for us girls:) Thanks
so much, Shari
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I hate to sound this way but my almost four year's old son's whining is
driving us all nuts. Jackson wants someone to play with him ALL of the
time. He is having a hard time ever playing by himself and would rather
just whine and beg us to play with him. I play with him a lot and the girls
ages 12 and almost 9 play with him most of the day. However when anyone
needs/wants to take a break he has a major fit and starts whining or what
sounds like fake crying(sure it is real to him though). I am newer to
unschooling we started this past fall and with the girls I would've sent
them to their room to have their fit but now I don't really feel like that
is the answer in our new unschooly life but I truly don't know what else to
do. I refuse to make the girls play with him when they really don't feel
like it. Then when we do play with him if we don't play exactly the way he
wants us to then he freaks out and starts crying/whining that we aren't
playing the "right" way. Anyone have any suggestions for us girls:) Thanks
so much, Shari
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Apr 30, 2008, at 12:05 PM, shari bergquist wrote:
So it's like saying he'd rather be in agony. He's asking for help.
Imagine what you'd need to be going through to act as he is, begging
others to help you. It will help you dig deep for patience with him.
Imagine how it would not help and make you feel even worse and
abandoned if people got irritated with you. Dig deep!
He can't really understand the effort you're working on to help him.
All he knows is it's not helping and he's still suffering. I'm sure
others will come up with other ideas but off the top of my head:
Play dates with others.
Get out more.
And no, don't make his sisters play. He's your responsibility. All
that's likely to do is make them want to play less and dislike him.
What does make him happy? Rather than feel like finally you can get a
mental break when he's happy, study that. Try to figure out what's
got him so engaged.
It's really irritating when people say "This will pass," but it will!
Sometimes it can feel like this is the rest of your life. It isn't.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> He is having a hard time ever playing by himself and would ratherIt would help you lots to see that he is really in agony over this.
> just whine and beg us to play with him.
So it's like saying he'd rather be in agony. He's asking for help.
Imagine what you'd need to be going through to act as he is, begging
others to help you. It will help you dig deep for patience with him.
Imagine how it would not help and make you feel even worse and
abandoned if people got irritated with you. Dig deep!
He can't really understand the effort you're working on to help him.
All he knows is it's not helping and he's still suffering. I'm sure
others will come up with other ideas but off the top of my head:
Play dates with others.
Get out more.
And no, don't make his sisters play. He's your responsibility. All
that's likely to do is make them want to play less and dislike him.
What does make him happy? Rather than feel like finally you can get a
mental break when he's happy, study that. Try to figure out what's
got him so engaged.
It's really irritating when people say "This will pass," but it will!
Sometimes it can feel like this is the rest of your life. It isn't.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
shari bergquist
Thank you so much for your advice Joyce. I will take it to heart and try to
put myself in his place. We had a much better day today and I am trying to
be patient when he does burst into tears:) Thanks again, Shari
On Thu, May 1, 2008 at 6:18 AM, Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...>
wrote:
Shari Bergquist
Independent Stampin' Up Demonstrator
www.sharibergquist.stampinup.net
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
put myself in his place. We had a much better day today and I am trying to
be patient when he does burst into tears:) Thanks again, Shari
On Thu, May 1, 2008 at 6:18 AM, Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...>
wrote:
>--
> On Apr 30, 2008, at 12:05 PM, shari bergquist wrote:
>
> > He is having a hard time ever playing by himself and would rather
> > just whine and beg us to play with him.
>
> It would help you lots to see that he is really in agony over this.
> So it's like saying he'd rather be in agony. He's asking for help.
>
> Imagine what you'd need to be going through to act as he is, begging
> others to help you. It will help you dig deep for patience with him.
> Imagine how it would not help and make you feel even worse and
> abandoned if people got irritated with you. Dig deep!
>
> He can't really understand the effort you're working on to help him.
> All he knows is it's not helping and he's still suffering. I'm sure
> others will come up with other ideas but off the top of my head:
>
> Play dates with others.
>
> Get out more.
>
> And no, don't make his sisters play. He's your responsibility. All
> that's likely to do is make them want to play less and dislike him.
>
> What does make him happy? Rather than feel like finally you can get a
> mental break when he's happy, study that. Try to figure out what's
> got him so engaged.
>
> It's really irritating when people say "This will pass," but it will!
> Sometimes it can feel like this is the rest of your life. It isn't.
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
Shari Bergquist
Independent Stampin' Up Demonstrator
www.sharibergquist.stampinup.net
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
poonam kurani
Hi Shari,
My son is doing the same...he's 3. I am new to homeschooling too....but my stand is firm here. He has no sibblings therefore i think its not too often as in ur case. But every time there is tantrum, "play with me" and if i cannot....i tell him so! I make him realise that its "freeplay time" and he cannot be supported so he can choose what he want to do untill i or granny can come around......if the tantrum persist i count up to 5. 9 out 10 time....the tantrum has ended! He takes his stand and has found something else to do for himself.
I'm not to sure if this strategy is right as per unschooling principles. No other stand is visible for me too!
____________________________________________________________________________________
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My son is doing the same...he's 3. I am new to homeschooling too....but my stand is firm here. He has no sibblings therefore i think its not too often as in ur case. But every time there is tantrum, "play with me" and if i cannot....i tell him so! I make him realise that its "freeplay time" and he cannot be supported so he can choose what he want to do untill i or granny can come around......if the tantrum persist i count up to 5. 9 out 10 time....the tantrum has ended! He takes his stand and has found something else to do for himself.
I'm not to sure if this strategy is right as per unschooling principles. No other stand is visible for me too!
____________________________________________________________________________________
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know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: poonam kurani <kidsdomain@...>
My son is doing the same...he's 3. I am new to homeschooling too....but
my stand
is firm here. He has no sibblings therefore i think its not too often
as in ur
case. But every time there is tantrum, "play with me" and if i
cannot....i tell
him so!
-=-=-=-=-=-
I think that, if we truly cannot *at this moment*, we can say so. And
*should* say so.
But three is very little, and to him, what you're doing may not seem
nearly as important as playing with him right this minute.
If he's "tantrumming," he's trying really hard to communicate. He
really should have to resort to that kind of communication to get your
attention.
-=-==-=-=-=-
I make him realise that its "freeplay time" and he cannot be supported
-=-=-=-=
Noooooo!!!!
While it's fine to expect some "freeplay time," the whole idea that "he
cannot be supported" is yucky! He's THREE---he *needs* to be supported!
He *really* NEEDS it!
-=-=-=-=-=-
so he can choose what he want to do untill i or granny can come
around.....
-=-=-=-
What are you and Granny doing that's so important that he can't get his
needs met? Seriously? He's three. If *you*, his own mother, won't meet
them, who will?
-=-=-=-=-
if the tantrum persist i count up to 5. 9 out 10 time....the tantrum
has ended! He
takes his stand and has found something else to do for himself.
-=-=-=-=-=-
What do you think he's learned?
*I* think he's learned that you are not trustworthy. That he can't
count on you, his mother, to care for his needs. He's giving up on you.
Keep doing that, and he will probably learn that he really *doesn't*
need you and he won't come to you for help or comfort. Is that what you
want?
He'll still need comfort and help, but he'll look somewhere else.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm not to sure if this strategy is right as per unschooling
principles. No
other stand is visible for me too!
-=-=-=-=-=-
STOP what you're doing and attend to your child. There's NOTHING else
more important. Nothing.
You don't get this opportunity but for a few years. Enjoy it. Relish
it. You'll miss it, I promise.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: poonam kurani <kidsdomain@...>
My son is doing the same...he's 3. I am new to homeschooling too....but
my stand
is firm here. He has no sibblings therefore i think its not too often
as in ur
case. But every time there is tantrum, "play with me" and if i
cannot....i tell
him so!
-=-=-=-=-=-
I think that, if we truly cannot *at this moment*, we can say so. And
*should* say so.
But three is very little, and to him, what you're doing may not seem
nearly as important as playing with him right this minute.
If he's "tantrumming," he's trying really hard to communicate. He
really should have to resort to that kind of communication to get your
attention.
-=-==-=-=-=-
I make him realise that its "freeplay time" and he cannot be supported
-=-=-=-=
Noooooo!!!!
While it's fine to expect some "freeplay time," the whole idea that "he
cannot be supported" is yucky! He's THREE---he *needs* to be supported!
He *really* NEEDS it!
-=-=-=-=-=-
so he can choose what he want to do untill i or granny can come
around.....
-=-=-=-
What are you and Granny doing that's so important that he can't get his
needs met? Seriously? He's three. If *you*, his own mother, won't meet
them, who will?
-=-=-=-=-
if the tantrum persist i count up to 5. 9 out 10 time....the tantrum
has ended! He
takes his stand and has found something else to do for himself.
-=-=-=-=-=-
What do you think he's learned?
*I* think he's learned that you are not trustworthy. That he can't
count on you, his mother, to care for his needs. He's giving up on you.
Keep doing that, and he will probably learn that he really *doesn't*
need you and he won't come to you for help or comfort. Is that what you
want?
He'll still need comfort and help, but he'll look somewhere else.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm not to sure if this strategy is right as per unschooling
principles. No
other stand is visible for me too!
-=-=-=-=-=-
STOP what you're doing and attend to your child. There's NOTHING else
more important. Nothing.
You don't get this opportunity but for a few years. Enjoy it. Relish
it. You'll miss it, I promise.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: kbcdlovejo@...
But three is very little, and to him, what you're doing may not seem
nearly as important as playing with him right this minute.
If he's "tantrumming," he's trying really hard to communicate. He
really should have to resort to that kind of communication to get your
attention.
-=-=-=
Sorry!
That should read: He really should NOT have to resort to that kind of
communication to get your attention.
Proof read! Proof read! Proof read!
~K
From: kbcdlovejo@...
But three is very little, and to him, what you're doing may not seem
nearly as important as playing with him right this minute.
If he's "tantrumming," he's trying really hard to communicate. He
really should have to resort to that kind of communication to get your
attention.
-=-=-=
Sorry!
That should read: He really should NOT have to resort to that kind of
communication to get your attention.
Proof read! Proof read! Proof read!
~K
Meredith
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
Now that I'm the "breadwinner" in the family I'm feeling this a Lot.
I'm soooooo glad I took the time to really savor those moments and feel
like I was indulging *myself* in mothering as much as my child.
When I'd get irritated with my younger child - if she wanted me and I
was working, for instance, since I worked part time from home - I'd
remind myself firmly that the important part of Work at Home Mom was
the last word. And get back to Momming.
---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)
>> You don't get this opportunity but for a few years. Enjoy it. RelishYes!!!
> it. You'll miss it, I promise.
Now that I'm the "breadwinner" in the family I'm feeling this a Lot.
I'm soooooo glad I took the time to really savor those moments and feel
like I was indulging *myself* in mothering as much as my child.
When I'd get irritated with my younger child - if she wanted me and I
was working, for instance, since I worked part time from home - I'd
remind myself firmly that the important part of Work at Home Mom was
the last word. And get back to Momming.
---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)