dinapug310

I don't know if this is off topic, but I've been reading posts here
and on AU for about 7 months now and love unschooling and find myself
reading (books too) and learning and gaining in confidence. But
today, wham-o, in the midst of trying to dress my 9 month old DD who
wants no part of it, I'm wondering 'what do I do in this
situation??'

At this age when there isn't much reasoning-it-out or her
understanding me per se (I do explain what we're doing and why), what
is the appropriate response? We had to go to work (she comes to an
office with me), so she whined and squirmed until I was done, but no
clothes wasn't an option at that moment.

She's fighting against a few things a little bit now, diapers
(fortunately we part time ec, so she's out of them a lot anyway), the
car seat, high chair, things that stop her from being on the go.

Any help is greatly appreciated and will I get the hang of this more,
it always makes so much sense when I'm reading, but then wham-o!!!!

Thanks again,
Dina

Debra Rossing

Why is no clothing not an option? A 9 mo old doesn't *need* to be
clothed when out in public any more than a diaper (to minimize mess
since you're going to an office situation where EC might not be as
readily an option) and a blanket/wrap of some sort if the weather
indicates. Seriously. Clothing serves two main purposes functionally -
protection from weather/environment and modesty (whatever the societal
norm for modesty is - wide range there culture to culture) [clothing
does have secondary purposes in terms of social cues/status/etc but
that's not as crucial to this discussion] FWIW DS was generally in a
diaper and a onesie and that's it until he almost 18 months old - pants
were for whenever he was going to be crawling about on something other
than our living room carpet. You might look at your DD's wardrobe and
consider whether it's all cute girlie clothing (which is adorable but
might not be comfortable -for her-) or if it's basic coverage. For
instance, is there lace, elastic, etc at the wrists, neck, etc? (I
cannot wear anything with lace touching my skin and none of us can
tolerate anything binding tightly at neck or wrist - I actually slit the
wristbands on one sweatshirt because I liked the shirt but the ribbed
cuff area was too tight).

Car seat is a legal and safety issue for sure. Maybe check the car seat
itself and see if the one you've got has been outgrown - that's the time
DS fought the car seat most is when the fastenings got too tight/chafing
on him.

High chair? Why? Is it *necessary*? As soon as DS could toddle (he was
climbing furniture by 6 months), he was kneeling/standing on a regular
dining chair to eat. Prior to that, he sat on my lap for meals. I think
we did own a high chair (a shower gift) but by our choice/request it was
a multi-purpose one that went from high chair to booster to table and
chair - it stayed as table and chair the whole time we owned it.

It might be useful to stop yourself and think Why is this <whatever>
important enough to me to fight about it? Is it about safety?
Convenience? Public opinion? Hearing someone else's comments in your
head?

Deb


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Karen Buxcel

Maybe dressing takes too long, in her little world?

Maybe buy a few simple "slip over the head and your done, even if you don't
want to put undies/diaper on" sundresses. One step, and tada! She's
dressed!

Blessings,
Karen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Karen Buxcel <thewildtribe@...>

Maybe buy a few simple "slip over the head and your done, even if you
don't
want to put undies/diaper on" sundresses. One step, and tada! She's
dressed!


-=-=-=-

Oohhh---and some of the most wonderful clothes for this are Hanna
Andersson www.hannaandersson.com

Fabulous 100% cotton, soft, comfy...stylish. <g>

Both boys love/loved their Hanna longjohns, and Cameron had several of
the pants and shirts and one piece suits when he was a toddler. Ease
and comfort.

The little girl stuff is especially adorable.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

Heather

My son was VERY VERY similar. We only used a highchair when he liked
it or we really had to (can't think of any "had t"o situations). In
fact we only owned a portable seat, not a highchair. I often fed him
in a walker or swing as it kept him happy by keeping him moving. My
son was also a sling baby and an EC baby. He loved being with me, but
I had to be moving.

He also HATED clothes. Even now he has started taking his shirt off
again but I think he is mimicing DH. He is 4 now and it is warm
enough that no shirt is ok. One thing to check - is it 100% cotton?
My son did seem to do better in very soft cotton, even organic seemed
to make a difference. Making getting dressed take as little time as
possible was key too. Easy on top and shorts. No snaps, buttons,
tight elastic, rough clothes, etc. Only velcro or slip on shoes
(leather mocassin type shoes were his fav.)too. I did let him run
naked as much as possible. When he needed something for kids legs we
put babylegs on him. He even wore long t-shirt gowns/oversized
sweatshirts to cover his nudity so he coule get away with no diapers.
The more I let him be "free" at home the better he was when we were
not home and he had to wear clothes or diapers. But I was home 95%
the time.

One other thing that popped in my mind is checking to make sure the
diaper is not making the child uncomfy or hot. My son pnly tolerated
certain diapers. But I think for the most part he just enjoyed being
naked. I think he needed to feel free or independant even at an early
age. He is still very opininated and on the "go" constantly.

As far as carseats go, he screamed til he choked/vomited and hated
carseats. It was horrible. No mom I know has had a child who hated
riding in the car/carseat worse then mine. Everyone who heard him was
worried about him, even moms who "tuned" their kids out. There was no
tuning my LOUD child out. Needless to say I cut my driving down
drastically! I did not have enough money to buy a padded carseat back
then. But when he was about 3 yrs old we bought a new Recaro carseat
and he has been happy riding in the car ever since. He loves his seat
now. He even surprises me by buckling the top clip and gets upset if
I watch him. So you might want to go to a store that has carseats and
see what is most comfy for your child.
I know his little cousin is/was an extremely quiet child and even he
hated the carseat my son use to ride in when he was 1-3 yrs old. (We
passed ours down to him.) His cousin was under 1 when we took care of
him and he never ever screamed or cried, except in the car. One day I
put him in the Recaro and he was quiet the whole time. I used a
Recaro Como with the padded "wings" and I was unsure if they would
freak the kid out or not. I was suppose to use them due to his small
size and despite him looking covered up by the carseat, he loved it.
I guess he felt safe and "covered" like with a blanket cause I swear
I have never heard a child so quiet in the car. I am someone who
abides by carseat rules and I keep the straps very tight and straight
(not tangled) and if the seat is comfy none of the kids I have taken
care of have minded unless the trip was over 40 mins., which is
understandable. I also keep the kids rearfacing as long as possible.
And the kids only complained (rf or ff) when the carseat was the
culprit. So from my experience kids can really be uncomfortable in
carseats, even if they are still small enough to fit in it. Sometimes
the angle isn't comfy, sometimes there's not enough padding, etc.
Just something to think about.

We also tried buying a DVD played for the car because we were
depeserate. This worked for a little while. The thing finally broke
and even though it was cheaper to buy another one I bought a new
carseat and my son has not needed a DVD played since. The DVD player
did help the little cousin too but still not as much as the Recaro
seat. Every child is different but this was just our experience(s).

I am Not recommending a certain carseat just telling our experience
with several different kids that have ridden with me. And yes, some
kids never seem to care what they ride in/on, while others- like my 4
yr old son- do.

The other thing that helped when we had our older carseat was to sing
to him. Only 1 song worked. It took us awhile to find a song he
liked. Sometimes the radio would help. SOmetimes movies or kid CD's.
Eventually he did get better, even in his uncomfortable seat, it just
took awhile. I don't know if my son would have been happy in a better
seat when he was under 1 yr old or not because his biggest problem
was not being attached to me at all times. He even hated strollers
90% of the time.

Heather

carenkh

--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> Oohhh---and some of the most wonderful clothes for this are Hanna
> Andersson www.hannaandersson.com
>
> Fabulous 100% cotton, soft, comfy...stylish. <g>



And because they're very well-made, I usually found them at
consignment stores, still in good shape!

Caren

Jodi Bezzola

My girls are over 3 years old and recently they decided very definitely that they were going to live in pjs day and night. That meant when I went to the eye doctor last week that I had 2 - 3 year old in pjs, and not the ones I would have picked that are a top and pants and slightly resemble daytime clothing, but the fleece kind with the feet that zip up the front. I very quickly discovered that them being dressed in something "acceptable" for daytime was much more about my pride and ego than anything else. It was very uncomfortable for me. They didn't give a rat's ass what they had on, quite frankly. *From the child's perspective*, and especially when they're this little is no big deal. It was however, a big deal to me, and like pretty much everything else that comes up these days in this learning curve, the only problem was with *me*.

Isn't this what unschooling is all about? To honor them enough to let them be Who They Are in this moment?? In fact, when I took them to a meeting recently in their pjs and said something about it to the group, one mom said "I didn't have any judgement at all, I just thought, now there's one smart mom to not fight about clothes!". I often put judgements onto other people due to my own insecurities, and that isn't respectful of either of us. In baby steps, I'm slooowly learning to not give a shit what other people think about something we do/don't do, and especially if it's something that is bringing joy to my children.

Jodi


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keetry

--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>
> Why is no clothing not an option? A 9 mo old doesn't *need* to be
> clothed when out in public any more than a diaper


I wondered the same thing.

Alysia

Deb

--- In [email protected], Jodi Bezzola
<jodibezzola@...> wrote:
>
> My girls are over 3 years old and recently they decided very
>definitely that they were going to live in pjs day and night.

DS (almost10) has been in his pjs for a few days now - he hasn't
needed to go anywhere so he just stayed in them and only noticed it
last night when he commented he was 'still' wearing his pajamas after
dinner. I just said "Yup, guess you have been" and we went on to more
interesting topics. It's not so much a decision to wear pjs as it is
other stuff to do that he doesn't want to pause to change. It's a bit
of a step up from a year or two ago when he would've been sans
clothing entirely if he wasn't going anywhere lol I think part is
that he's found something comfy (not all pjs are comfortable to him),
part is that he doesn't like being sniffed by the dog (and who can
blame him), and I think a wee part of it is that he's slowly
developing a teensy bit of modesty - how that came about I'm not
exactly sure since we're not exactly reticent about nudity at our
house LOL. The way I figure it, if he wears his pjs (one set BTW) for
a few days in a row, that's just that much less laundry that needs
doing :-)

--Deb

mary

--- In [email protected], "Karen Buxcel"
<thewildtribe@...> wrote:
>
> Maybe dressing takes too long, in her little world?
>
> Maybe buy a few simple "slip over the head and your done, even if
you don't
> want to put undies/diaper on" sundresses. One step, and tada! She's
> dressed!
>
> Blessings,
> Karen
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Both of my girls loved to (and still do at 5 and 3) go 'mando(as they
call it-or commando as I call it-with out underwear in any case) and
wear slip over cotton dresses that are more like jumpers-maybe they
are considered sun dresses. They both work up a sweat while playing
and I think this outfit is comfortable and cool to them.

mary

Meredith

--- In [email protected], "Deb" <debra.rossing@...>
wrote:
>> and I think a wee part of it is that he's slowly
> developing a teensy bit of modesty - how that came about I'm not
> exactly sure since we're not exactly reticent about nudity at our
> house LOL.

It happens. Ray grew up with nudist hippies all around and I can
remember so many days seeing a nude little boy huddled by the
woodstove! But somewhere along the line the modesty thing happened -
and now has been applied to adults. As in "would it be okay if you guys
don't walk around the house naked?" But he's fine visiting neighbors
and communities where folks go nude.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)

dinapug310

--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>
> Why is no clothing not an option? A 9 mo old doesn't *need* to be
> clothed when out in public any more than a diaper (to minimize mess
> since you're going to an office situation where EC might not be as
> readily an option) and a blanket/wrap of some sort if the weather
> indicates. Seriously. Clothing serves two main purposes
functionally -
> protection from weather/environment

Yes, I don't mind if DD wants to spend a month in her pajamas, but I
had already taken them off and I usually dress her (always
comfortably, I'm personally big on comfort). The office where I work
is just off a construction yard so the floor tends to be pretty
filthy and is cold tile, but I still let her roam free and it tends
to be cold in there overall and I'm unable change that.

Pajamas going forward might be the answer except that I stopped
putting pj pants on her weeks ago when she decided she didn't want
those either!! Guess we'll have to move somewhere warm! :)


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The Patersons

My 2 yo refuses to be dressed. I was worried that he would be cold once
autumn came a few weeks ago (Australia is round the other way) but he's come
to me saying "Cold" and asking for clothes when he goes out to play in the
garden, so I'm not worried that he'll freeze. If you're child is cold,
she'll either cope with being cold or ask for clothes. My autistic son hates
getting dressed anyway, so he lives in track pants (sweats) and t-shirts. No
pyjamas necessary - he goes to bed in the clothes he gets up in. We change
him in front of the tv or someplace where he's happy every two days or so.
Have you thought about ditching pjs altogether and just dressing for the
next day at bed time?

Cecily

,_._,___



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

goobergrl6

When my 4yo was 3 we decided that we were going to go out to Lone Star
for dinner. He was still in his batman pajamas and we asked if he
wanted to get dressed. He said no he was batman and then grabbed a
sleeping bag he has that is stored in a backpack thing and off we
went. Everyone though he was super cute and kept saying "hi Batman" to
which he would reply " no I'm buzz lightyear see my jet pack". I
promise anyone who was there that might of been in a bad mood were not
by the time they were seated.

Lisa


--- In [email protected], "Deb" <debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], Jodi Bezzola
> <jodibezzola@> wrote:
> >
> > My girls are over 3 years old and recently they decided very
> >definitely that they were going to live in pjs day and night.
>
> DS (almost10) has been in his pjs for a few days now - he hasn't
> needed to go anywhere so he just stayed in them and only noticed it
> last night when he commented he was 'still' wearing his pajamas after
> dinner. I just said "Yup, guess you have been" and we went on to more
> interesting topics. It's not so much a decision to wear pjs as it is
> other stuff to do that he doesn't want to pause to change. It's a bit
> of a step up from a year or two ago when he would've been sans
> clothing entirely if he wasn't going anywhere lol I think part is
> that he's found something comfy (not all pjs are comfortable to him),
> part is that he doesn't like being sniffed by the dog (and who can
> blame him), and I think a wee part of it is that he's slowly
> developing a teensy bit of modesty - how that came about I'm not
> exactly sure since we're not exactly reticent about nudity at our
> house LOL. The way I figure it, if he wears his pjs (one set BTW) for
> a few days in a row, that's just that much less laundry that needs
> doing :-)
>
> --Deb
>

barefootmamax4

--- In [email protected], "Deb" <debra.rossing@...>
wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], Jodi Bezzola
> <jodibezzola@> wrote:

> DS (almost10) has been in his pjs for a few days now - he hasn't
> needed to go anywhere so he just stayed in them and only noticed it
> last night when he commented he was 'still' wearing his pajamas
after
> dinner. I just said "Yup, guess you have been" and we went on to
more
> interesting topics. It's not so much a decision to wear pjs as it
is
> other stuff to do that he doesn't want to pause to change.


I'm so glad to hear that we are not the only ones who have pj clad
kids day and night! I do get stressed that they will not be clean if
they don't change their clothes for a few days, especially underwear,
but honestly I have not seen anything bad at all. They are not
smelly, they do not get rashes or appear dirty, no lice... and it's
true, less laundry!
-Kelly


It's a bit
> of a step up from a year or two ago when he would've been sans
> clothing entirely if he wasn't going anywhere lol I think part is
> that he's found something comfy (not all pjs are comfortable to
him),
> part is that he doesn't like being sniffed by the dog (and who can
> blame him), and I think a wee part of it is that he's slowly
> developing a teensy bit of modesty - how that came about I'm not
> exactly sure since we're not exactly reticent about nudity at our
> house LOL. The way I figure it, if he wears his pjs (one set BTW)
for
> a few days in a row, that's just that much less laundry that needs
> doing :-)
>
> --Deb
>