Question about foster children
Lisa Blocker
Has anyone here had experience with foster children and how to integrate them into your unschooling/attachment parenting lifestyle?
Just for some background.... we have an 11 yr old boy placed with us temporarily (supposed to be for a few days we are now at two weeks!) as an emergency placement. The child has had alot of trauma (crazy mother even crazier step father who have done everything to prevent contact with very sane loving father) anyway he has no life skills, no independence, doesn't know anything about being free etc. He attends school (which is a huge pain in the ass!) but I just find it frustrating to try to give a child freedom and independence and he is just completely paralyzed. He doesn't know how to make a sandwich(and won't ask for someone else to make it)... won't ask for food if he is hungry ... I have shown him the snack basket which I keep in sight for any person in my house to help themselves to but he never takes anything out of there. I have asked him what he likes as far as food and snacks and he just says "I like pretty much everything" I
have then said "I would like to get something that you particularly like " and he has no answer. When I prepare a meal and the kids are serving themselves he always takes an enormous amount... which I let him do without comment because I don't think he needs any negatives associated with independence... he can never eat all he takes and is then embarrassed and upset. I have started asking him if he would like to serve himself or have help and we have talked about how sometimes your eyes can be bigger than your tummy and that if that happens we can put the leftovers away for another time. He's just so wary of everyone and everything that it's heartbreaking! I have figured out that he never took a step at home that wasn't dictated or instructed by others... but it's so disheartening to see a child when they are given freedom, a safe place and peace that they don't know what to do. I would like him to DO something... act out, get mad, throw a
fit, seize some freedom, play, dance SOMETHING! I asked him what he liked to do as far as sports or other activities and everything he told me he had done and liked his mother pulled him out of after a few months citing it was too expensive. It just seems he has been trained to expect disappointment and to just do whatever it takes to not call attention to himself.
I will say that he's stopped watching our hands and waiting to be hit so I do count that as some healing... I just really would like to know what to do to help him take some control of his life. He quite literally has NO life skills, can't make a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, doesn't throw trash away, doesn't move from one place to another without being directly told where he should go, never asks for anything (I found out he had been using a balled up dirty towel from the bathroom floor for two days instead of taking the clean towels on the counter I put out for him ) It's really hard for me because I am not used to telling a child what to do and how and when to do it.... consequently I feel like I am neglecting him when I discover things like the towel or that he was hungry but didn't take a snack. How do I give him a safe place and freedom without neglecting him?? My children just naturally understood freedom ... of course my children had no
trauma and have always lived in my home where they are loved and cared for.
Do I need to take a step back and just change my mindset in that he is not really 11 yrs old emotionally and needs much more help and guidance than I expect normally? Is there any such thing as "teaching" (boy do I hate that word!) a child how to be free?? He sees my kids doing what they like when they like but he doesn't seem to equate anything others do with himself. I want the time he spends here to be a time of healing and transition (mom has lost custody and will probably go to jail) for when he is able to go home with his dad.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Lisa Blocker
____________________________________________________________________________________
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Just for some background.... we have an 11 yr old boy placed with us temporarily (supposed to be for a few days we are now at two weeks!) as an emergency placement. The child has had alot of trauma (crazy mother even crazier step father who have done everything to prevent contact with very sane loving father) anyway he has no life skills, no independence, doesn't know anything about being free etc. He attends school (which is a huge pain in the ass!) but I just find it frustrating to try to give a child freedom and independence and he is just completely paralyzed. He doesn't know how to make a sandwich(and won't ask for someone else to make it)... won't ask for food if he is hungry ... I have shown him the snack basket which I keep in sight for any person in my house to help themselves to but he never takes anything out of there. I have asked him what he likes as far as food and snacks and he just says "I like pretty much everything" I
have then said "I would like to get something that you particularly like " and he has no answer. When I prepare a meal and the kids are serving themselves he always takes an enormous amount... which I let him do without comment because I don't think he needs any negatives associated with independence... he can never eat all he takes and is then embarrassed and upset. I have started asking him if he would like to serve himself or have help and we have talked about how sometimes your eyes can be bigger than your tummy and that if that happens we can put the leftovers away for another time. He's just so wary of everyone and everything that it's heartbreaking! I have figured out that he never took a step at home that wasn't dictated or instructed by others... but it's so disheartening to see a child when they are given freedom, a safe place and peace that they don't know what to do. I would like him to DO something... act out, get mad, throw a
fit, seize some freedom, play, dance SOMETHING! I asked him what he liked to do as far as sports or other activities and everything he told me he had done and liked his mother pulled him out of after a few months citing it was too expensive. It just seems he has been trained to expect disappointment and to just do whatever it takes to not call attention to himself.
I will say that he's stopped watching our hands and waiting to be hit so I do count that as some healing... I just really would like to know what to do to help him take some control of his life. He quite literally has NO life skills, can't make a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, doesn't throw trash away, doesn't move from one place to another without being directly told where he should go, never asks for anything (I found out he had been using a balled up dirty towel from the bathroom floor for two days instead of taking the clean towels on the counter I put out for him ) It's really hard for me because I am not used to telling a child what to do and how and when to do it.... consequently I feel like I am neglecting him when I discover things like the towel or that he was hungry but didn't take a snack. How do I give him a safe place and freedom without neglecting him?? My children just naturally understood freedom ... of course my children had no
trauma and have always lived in my home where they are loved and cared for.
Do I need to take a step back and just change my mindset in that he is not really 11 yrs old emotionally and needs much more help and guidance than I expect normally? Is there any such thing as "teaching" (boy do I hate that word!) a child how to be free?? He sees my kids doing what they like when they like but he doesn't seem to equate anything others do with himself. I want the time he spends here to be a time of healing and transition (mom has lost custody and will probably go to jail) for when he is able to go home with his dad.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
Lisa Blocker
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Zoa Conner
Lisa,
Wow this kid really needs your love and support! Having no experience at all
and just going with my gut feeling, I would just help him more. Invite him
to stick close to you, to get help with everything. Let him watch and be.
Use more words that you think you need to with an 11 year old. He seems to
not be worldly and ready for complete freedom as your other kids.
Zoa
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Wow this kid really needs your love and support! Having no experience at all
and just going with my gut feeling, I would just help him more. Invite him
to stick close to you, to get help with everything. Let him watch and be.
Use more words that you think you need to with an 11 year old. He seems to
not be worldly and ready for complete freedom as your other kids.
Zoa
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Barbara Perez
Hi Lisa,
I have some experience with fostering (I had two children for a combined
four years). My heart goes out to that boy you have. Is he your first
placement? From reading your description, there are a few things I can tell
you for sure:
1. "A few days" tuns into a few weeks/months/and sometimes years a LOT of
the time. Just talk to other foster parents. Then again, he can be removed
within very short notice at any point. If you want to be prepared to help
this child as much as possible (long term, short term) you need to plan for
both situations and everything in between, and "strategize" accordingly.
2. All that acting out you're waiting for him to do? It will happen! He's in
his "honeymoon stage" now, and for him it sounds like being as unobtrusive
as possible is his way to try and "be good". For my daughter it was months
of going out of her way to be super sweet and helpful ALL the time. For my
son it was smiling and acting happy. Heartbreaking in every case, when you
knew there was so much hurt inside of them. The honeymoon will eventually be
over. Somehow, besides wondering how to help him NOW, which of course you
must, try to get ready for things to change (maybe gradually, maybe
suddenly, I've seen it both ways, too).
3. Yes, I believe there is a way to help a child gradually start functioning
in a free environment, and yes, he definitely NEEDS to be treated not by his
chronological age all the time, but his emotional age. He's giving you
pretty big hints right now of how he wants to be parented! This will be
challenging to say the least, and you may have to go way back to what his
developmental needs might have been at a very early age. Follow his lead. If
he doesn't take a towel from the counter after you've pointed them out,
imagine having to SHOW a less-than-independent 2 year old (not once, but
after many repetitions maybe) how you take the towel and wrap him in it,
then dry himself up, get dressed and hang up the towel (or whatever the
routine is at your house - we use ours for several days then take them to
the laundry all at once and get new ones from the linen closet). Snack, same
thing, sounds to me like he needs showing (as opposed to telling) and lots
of reassuring that it's good to eat those snacks you put out. It's obvious
he hasn't had enough to eat before, from what you say about heaping his
plate. Hoarding and binging are common among foster kids, along other eating
disorders. I think your approach about storing leftovers is very positive
and will probably get through to him in time, but it may take much longer
than two weeks for him to "get it". At the same time it may help to model
when you're helping yourself to food, even if it sounds obvious or
manipulative to you, just "think outloud" or have a conversation with one of
your other kids about "how much X do you think would be enough" as you serve
your own plate. Another thing that helped my kids was "firsts" and "seconds"
- they knew they could always have seconds if they didn't get enough on
their first serving. So whenever I'd ask my son how many scoops of clam
chowder did he want on his bowl, or how many meatballs on his spaghetti or
whatever (he loves numbers) you could see he had figured things out when he
started saying "two scoops, for firsts" emphasizing to himself and the rest
of us that he realized he'd be able to get more later, then I'd just scoop
two scoops as he'd asked and often that would fill him but he might still
test to see if he could get more, and of course he always could.
I hope some of this helps. I have to run but feel free to ask more.
I have some experience with fostering (I had two children for a combined
four years). My heart goes out to that boy you have. Is he your first
placement? From reading your description, there are a few things I can tell
you for sure:
1. "A few days" tuns into a few weeks/months/and sometimes years a LOT of
the time. Just talk to other foster parents. Then again, he can be removed
within very short notice at any point. If you want to be prepared to help
this child as much as possible (long term, short term) you need to plan for
both situations and everything in between, and "strategize" accordingly.
2. All that acting out you're waiting for him to do? It will happen! He's in
his "honeymoon stage" now, and for him it sounds like being as unobtrusive
as possible is his way to try and "be good". For my daughter it was months
of going out of her way to be super sweet and helpful ALL the time. For my
son it was smiling and acting happy. Heartbreaking in every case, when you
knew there was so much hurt inside of them. The honeymoon will eventually be
over. Somehow, besides wondering how to help him NOW, which of course you
must, try to get ready for things to change (maybe gradually, maybe
suddenly, I've seen it both ways, too).
3. Yes, I believe there is a way to help a child gradually start functioning
in a free environment, and yes, he definitely NEEDS to be treated not by his
chronological age all the time, but his emotional age. He's giving you
pretty big hints right now of how he wants to be parented! This will be
challenging to say the least, and you may have to go way back to what his
developmental needs might have been at a very early age. Follow his lead. If
he doesn't take a towel from the counter after you've pointed them out,
imagine having to SHOW a less-than-independent 2 year old (not once, but
after many repetitions maybe) how you take the towel and wrap him in it,
then dry himself up, get dressed and hang up the towel (or whatever the
routine is at your house - we use ours for several days then take them to
the laundry all at once and get new ones from the linen closet). Snack, same
thing, sounds to me like he needs showing (as opposed to telling) and lots
of reassuring that it's good to eat those snacks you put out. It's obvious
he hasn't had enough to eat before, from what you say about heaping his
plate. Hoarding and binging are common among foster kids, along other eating
disorders. I think your approach about storing leftovers is very positive
and will probably get through to him in time, but it may take much longer
than two weeks for him to "get it". At the same time it may help to model
when you're helping yourself to food, even if it sounds obvious or
manipulative to you, just "think outloud" or have a conversation with one of
your other kids about "how much X do you think would be enough" as you serve
your own plate. Another thing that helped my kids was "firsts" and "seconds"
- they knew they could always have seconds if they didn't get enough on
their first serving. So whenever I'd ask my son how many scoops of clam
chowder did he want on his bowl, or how many meatballs on his spaghetti or
whatever (he loves numbers) you could see he had figured things out when he
started saying "two scoops, for firsts" emphasizing to himself and the rest
of us that he realized he'd be able to get more later, then I'd just scoop
two scoops as he'd asked and often that would fill him but he might still
test to see if he could get more, and of course he always could.
I hope some of this helps. I have to run but feel free to ask more.
On Wed, Apr 23, 2008 at 6:40 AM, Lisa Blocker <jlblock01@...> wrote:
> Has anyone here had experience with foster children and how to integrate
> them into your unschooling/attachment parenting lifestyle?
> Just for some background.... we have an 11 yr old boy placed with us
> temporarily (supposed to be for a few days we are now at two weeks!) as an
> emergency placement. The child has had alot of trauma (crazy mother even
> crazier step father who have done everything to prevent contact with very
> sane loving father) anyway he has no life skills, no independence, doesn't
> know anything about being free etc. He attends school (which is a huge pain
> in the ass!) but I just find it frustrating to try to give a child freedom
> and independence and he is just completely paralyzed. He doesn't know how to
> make a sandwich(and won't ask for someone else to make it)... won't ask for
> food if he is hungry ... I have shown him the snack basket which I keep in
> sight for any person in my house to help themselves to but he never takes
> anything out of there. I have asked him what he likes as far as food and
> snacks and he just says "I like pretty much everything" I
> have then said "I would like to get something that you particularly like "
> and he has no answer. When I prepare a meal and the kids are serving
> themselves he always takes an enormous amount... which I let him do without
> comment because I don't think he needs any negatives associated with
> independence... he can never eat all he takes and is then embarrassed and
> upset. I have started asking him if he would like to serve himself or have
> help and we have talked about how sometimes your eyes can be bigger than
> your tummy and that if that happens we can put the leftovers away for
> another time. He's just so wary of everyone and everything that it's
> heartbreaking! I have figured out that he never took a step at home that
> wasn't dictated or instructed by others... but it's so disheartening to see
> a child when they are given freedom, a safe place and peace that they don't
> know what to do. I would like him to DO something... act out, get mad, throw
> a
> fit, seize some freedom, play, dance SOMETHING! I asked him what he liked
> to do as far as sports or other activities and everything he told me he had
> done and liked his mother pulled him out of after a few months citing it was
> too expensive. It just seems he has been trained to expect disappointment
> and to just do whatever it takes to not call attention to himself.
>
> I will say that he's stopped watching our hands and waiting to be hit so I
> do count that as some healing... I just really would like to know what to do
> to help him take some control of his life. He quite literally has NO life
> skills, can't make a sandwich, a bowl of cereal, doesn't throw trash away,
> doesn't move from one place to another without being directly told where he
> should go, never asks for anything (I found out he had been using a balled
> up dirty towel from the bathroom floor for two days instead of taking the
> clean towels on the counter I put out for him ) It's really hard for me
> because I am not used to telling a child what to do and how and when to do
> it.... consequently I feel like I am neglecting him when I discover things
> like the towel or that he was hungry but didn't take a snack. How do I give
> him a safe place and freedom without neglecting him?? My children just
> naturally understood freedom ... of course my children had no
> trauma and have always lived in my home where they are loved and cared
> for.
>
> Do I need to take a step back and just change my mindset in that he is not
> really 11 yrs old emotionally and needs much more help and guidance than I
> expect normally? Is there any such thing as "teaching" (boy do I hate that
> word!) a child how to be free?? He sees my kids doing what they like when
> they like but he doesn't seem to equate anything others do with himself. I
> want the time he spends here to be a time of healing and transition (mom has
> lost custody and will probably go to jail) for when he is able to go home
> with his dad.
>
> Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
> Lisa Blocker
>
> __________________________________________________________
> Be a better friend, newshound, and
> know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
> http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Swanay
Lisa,
While no foster experience, I have a daughter from an SWI in China
where everything was regimented and getting out of line meant being
beaten. I could type out a huge response to your post but I think the
nugget is treat him as you would a baby. Feed him, offer him snacks
every hour or so between meals. Don't expect him to know how anything
works. He likely is in shock and is probably deeply greiving. He
won't let go of these "behavioral modes" until he feels safe enough to
do so. Your post sounds like I would act as a guest in someone's
home. So daily hand him a clean towel "Here's your fresh towel for
tomorrow morning's shower." Cater to him. I don't think a child can
be free if their head is not you know? He is likely completely frozen
with fear, sadness, and awash in chaos and I think sometimes too much
freedom too soon can feel like free-falling. I'd "control" him some
and give freedom in small steps. Offer three choices for a snack or
only two if three paralyzes him. That kind of thing.
Poor kid. My heart breaks for kids...it really does.
hth
Karen
While no foster experience, I have a daughter from an SWI in China
where everything was regimented and getting out of line meant being
beaten. I could type out a huge response to your post but I think the
nugget is treat him as you would a baby. Feed him, offer him snacks
every hour or so between meals. Don't expect him to know how anything
works. He likely is in shock and is probably deeply greiving. He
won't let go of these "behavioral modes" until he feels safe enough to
do so. Your post sounds like I would act as a guest in someone's
home. So daily hand him a clean towel "Here's your fresh towel for
tomorrow morning's shower." Cater to him. I don't think a child can
be free if their head is not you know? He is likely completely frozen
with fear, sadness, and awash in chaos and I think sometimes too much
freedom too soon can feel like free-falling. I'd "control" him some
and give freedom in small steps. Offer three choices for a snack or
only two if three paralyzes him. That kind of thing.
Poor kid. My heart breaks for kids...it really does.
hth
Karen
On Wed, Apr 23, 2008 at 8:40 AM, Lisa Blocker <jlblock01@...> wrote:
>
> Do I need to take a step back and just change my mindset in that he is not
> really 11 yrs old emotionally and needs much more help and guidance than I
> expect normally? Is there any such thing as "teaching" (boy do I hate that
> word!) a child how to be free?? He sees my kids doing what they like when
> they like but he doesn't seem to equate anything others do with himself. I
> want the time he spends here to be a time of healing and transition (mom has
> lost custody and will probably go to jail) for when he is able to go home
> with his dad.
>
> Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
> Lisa Blocker
Kathleen Gehrke
Hi Lisa,
What is the plan with this boy? Is he perhaps going to be a permanent
member of your family, or there is being in foster care indicated in
a temporary state?
If he is going to be there temporarily I would suggest you do not
worry about helping him be a free child, but let him experience a
world where kids are treated respectfully and heard. Those things are
huge.
Keep up what you are doing and help him learn what he likes. Kids who
live trying to appease unwell adults do not know what they like
because so much of their energy is spent trying to keep the adult
happy.
Do remember that once he begins to be able to open his little heart
not only may he learn what he likes he may also tap into all those
big negative feelings that had to be put on hold to take care of a
mentally ill parent. Those can be big and overwhelming for the kid
and us.
It sounds like right now he is in shock and honeymooning. Keep
listening, talking and identifying feelings. And remember you are not
teaching but sharing by example what respectful life is.
Remember whatever happens to this boy the respect, and dignity you
show him will not be lost. FOSTER CARE< BTW THIS BOY IS NOT A FOSTER
CHILD< BUT A CHILD IN FOSTER CARE> is meant to be temporary, but it
is a commitment to be significant in a childs lifetime.
IT IS GREAT WORK!
HUGS TO YOU ALL>
Kathleen
Also caution, food becomes one of the biggest issues in parenting
someone elses child. I am not sure why, except it is a way we offer
nuturing and families spend a lot of time doing it.
______________
What is the plan with this boy? Is he perhaps going to be a permanent
member of your family, or there is being in foster care indicated in
a temporary state?
If he is going to be there temporarily I would suggest you do not
worry about helping him be a free child, but let him experience a
world where kids are treated respectfully and heard. Those things are
huge.
Keep up what you are doing and help him learn what he likes. Kids who
live trying to appease unwell adults do not know what they like
because so much of their energy is spent trying to keep the adult
happy.
Do remember that once he begins to be able to open his little heart
not only may he learn what he likes he may also tap into all those
big negative feelings that had to be put on hold to take care of a
mentally ill parent. Those can be big and overwhelming for the kid
and us.
It sounds like right now he is in shock and honeymooning. Keep
listening, talking and identifying feelings. And remember you are not
teaching but sharing by example what respectful life is.
Remember whatever happens to this boy the respect, and dignity you
show him will not be lost. FOSTER CARE< BTW THIS BOY IS NOT A FOSTER
CHILD< BUT A CHILD IN FOSTER CARE> is meant to be temporary, but it
is a commitment to be significant in a childs lifetime.
IT IS GREAT WORK!
HUGS TO YOU ALL>
Kathleen
Also caution, food becomes one of the biggest issues in parenting
someone elses child. I am not sure why, except it is a way we offer
nuturing and families spend a lot of time doing it.
>______________________________________________________________________
______________
> Be a better friend, newshound, andhttp://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
> know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Lisa
Thank you to everyone that responded to my questions! This is a
temporary (we are not official foster parents but have a relationship
with CPS through some other work we do ... this family was known to us
so we are officially a "safety resource" it was us or juvie/runaway
home because they had no other available placement ... long story!)
I do feel better about some of the things that were concerning me... I
was so afraid of doing too much for him ...afraid it would take his
"power" if I was serving his plate, handing him towels and snacks
etc. I think also that he is really overwhelmed right now just as
someone said ... he hasn't ever seen this type of freedom and I think
that it may be a bit scary for him to have so much control and say
right now. I did show him the stack of towels in the bathroom again
today and just explained that whenever he needed a towel after his
shower that he could take one from the stack and that there were more
in the linen closet. I am getting the impression that the abundance
at our house is overwhelming to him. Some of the comments he has
made regarding food sound like his mother has an eating disorder that
she was working on passing to him. She was using ADHD meds to
control his appetite and he talks constantly of being on a diet and
wants to know which piece of chicken has fewer calories and so forth.
He is a very slim kid so I can't imagine that his weight should have
ever been a concern!
I do think also that he feels like a guest in our home and perhaps I
have again overwhelmed him by giving him free reign without any
guidance.
We go tomorrow for an evaluation with a big university dept of child
maltreatment etc (I forget the full official title of the center) so
I expect we may have a rough few days with him having to talk about
and sort out what has taken place and all the false information his
mother has given him in regards to the dad and so forth. Anyway I
appreciate all positive thoughts and energy for this little guy!
Lisa B
temporary (we are not official foster parents but have a relationship
with CPS through some other work we do ... this family was known to us
so we are officially a "safety resource" it was us or juvie/runaway
home because they had no other available placement ... long story!)
I do feel better about some of the things that were concerning me... I
was so afraid of doing too much for him ...afraid it would take his
"power" if I was serving his plate, handing him towels and snacks
etc. I think also that he is really overwhelmed right now just as
someone said ... he hasn't ever seen this type of freedom and I think
that it may be a bit scary for him to have so much control and say
right now. I did show him the stack of towels in the bathroom again
today and just explained that whenever he needed a towel after his
shower that he could take one from the stack and that there were more
in the linen closet. I am getting the impression that the abundance
at our house is overwhelming to him. Some of the comments he has
made regarding food sound like his mother has an eating disorder that
she was working on passing to him. She was using ADHD meds to
control his appetite and he talks constantly of being on a diet and
wants to know which piece of chicken has fewer calories and so forth.
He is a very slim kid so I can't imagine that his weight should have
ever been a concern!
I do think also that he feels like a guest in our home and perhaps I
have again overwhelmed him by giving him free reign without any
guidance.
We go tomorrow for an evaluation with a big university dept of child
maltreatment etc (I forget the full official title of the center) so
I expect we may have a rough few days with him having to talk about
and sort out what has taken place and all the false information his
mother has given him in regards to the dad and so forth. Anyway I
appreciate all positive thoughts and energy for this little guy!
Lisa B
Carolina Homeschooler
Lisa, others have answered your questions better than I could have, so I
just want to pass a long a url that may be helpful to you --
http://fosterparents.com/phpBB2/ . It's a large community of foster
parents who can help you deal with any issues that arise - both now and when
the honeymoon period is over.
Warmly,
Dianna
just want to pass a long a url that may be helpful to you --
http://fosterparents.com/phpBB2/ . It's a large community of foster
parents who can help you deal with any issues that arise - both now and when
the honeymoon period is over.
Warmly,
Dianna