11 y/os
Faith Void
I am trying to stay as close to my growing daughter as possible. I
find that this is hard because I have so many outside influences
telling me who she should be and how a "normal" 11 y/o should act,
etc. When she was little I just ignored people and basically parented
her how she needed me to. As she gets older I find this harder and
harder. She is awesome but so different from other kids her age. I
know that I shouldn't compare her and I definitely shouldn't compare
her to schooled kids or schooled at home kids.
I am worried that she is getting depressed. She has been very moody
for the past year, getting moodier. I am not sure if this is hormonal
or if their is anything I can do. She gets really moody and distant
after hanging out with her coop friends. After a few days she'll be
lively again and we'll talk. She says that her friends have changed
and they complain about their parents all the time. She says that they
aren't fun any more. She wants to play imaginative games and they want
to "hang out" and talk about stuff. But at the same time she won't
hang out with the younger kids in coop that still like to play those
games. She has joined in on the age segregation that happened this
past year. I don't like it at all. In fact I tried to voice my
concerns at co-op last year when others talked about the age split. I
have talked to my dd about this. She goes along with things because
she doesn't want to be excluded.
The other concern is we have had yet another family tell me that they
don't want to be friends with us because of my parenting. She said
that I allow me kids to watch tv shows that she doesn't approve of and
my kids mention things that she doesn't want her kids to find out
about. The exact incident was; my dd (11) said that something looked
like sex gel. And then told her kids (10 and 12) what sex gel was for
when they asked. At some point they told their mom. She said that my
kids were too worldly for her kids. I asked if she felt this was an on
going problem. She said that she didn't want to chance it so isn't'
interested in hanging out with our family anymore. This really sucks,
as her dd 5 and my ds 5 are best friends. I haven't said anything to
either of my kids because I am hoping that she'll come around. BUT
this isn't the first time this has happened. Several families has
declined friendship with us because I allow my kids "too much
freedom". It has been an ongoing issue for years. My kids are not
crazy or crass or inappropriate (any more that I have heard from other
kids). I just don't know what to do!
It is really frustrating because I don't judge their parenting. I
don't say I don't want to be friends with your family because you
restrict your kids too much for my tastes. I try and be consciensious
and respect of their ways.
I have a really hard time articulating things, so I am sorry that this
is probably really disjointed. I am not re-reading this as the baby
needs me so forgive typos etc
GFaith
find that this is hard because I have so many outside influences
telling me who she should be and how a "normal" 11 y/o should act,
etc. When she was little I just ignored people and basically parented
her how she needed me to. As she gets older I find this harder and
harder. She is awesome but so different from other kids her age. I
know that I shouldn't compare her and I definitely shouldn't compare
her to schooled kids or schooled at home kids.
I am worried that she is getting depressed. She has been very moody
for the past year, getting moodier. I am not sure if this is hormonal
or if their is anything I can do. She gets really moody and distant
after hanging out with her coop friends. After a few days she'll be
lively again and we'll talk. She says that her friends have changed
and they complain about their parents all the time. She says that they
aren't fun any more. She wants to play imaginative games and they want
to "hang out" and talk about stuff. But at the same time she won't
hang out with the younger kids in coop that still like to play those
games. She has joined in on the age segregation that happened this
past year. I don't like it at all. In fact I tried to voice my
concerns at co-op last year when others talked about the age split. I
have talked to my dd about this. She goes along with things because
she doesn't want to be excluded.
The other concern is we have had yet another family tell me that they
don't want to be friends with us because of my parenting. She said
that I allow me kids to watch tv shows that she doesn't approve of and
my kids mention things that she doesn't want her kids to find out
about. The exact incident was; my dd (11) said that something looked
like sex gel. And then told her kids (10 and 12) what sex gel was for
when they asked. At some point they told their mom. She said that my
kids were too worldly for her kids. I asked if she felt this was an on
going problem. She said that she didn't want to chance it so isn't'
interested in hanging out with our family anymore. This really sucks,
as her dd 5 and my ds 5 are best friends. I haven't said anything to
either of my kids because I am hoping that she'll come around. BUT
this isn't the first time this has happened. Several families has
declined friendship with us because I allow my kids "too much
freedom". It has been an ongoing issue for years. My kids are not
crazy or crass or inappropriate (any more that I have heard from other
kids). I just don't know what to do!
It is really frustrating because I don't judge their parenting. I
don't say I don't want to be friends with your family because you
restrict your kids too much for my tastes. I try and be consciensious
and respect of their ways.
I have a really hard time articulating things, so I am sorry that this
is probably really disjointed. I am not re-reading this as the baby
needs me so forgive typos etc
GFaith
Pamela Sorooshian
On Apr 21, 2008, at 3:58 PM, Faith Void wrote:
the ages of 11 and 13. And each of them lost friendships during those
years, mostly for that very reason. The other girls thought mine were
annoying because they were always bugging them to "do something." Mine
thought the other girls were annoying because they wouldn't "do
something."
I don't have the "answer" - but I did find it helps a lot to work out
a way for her to hang out with a younger group of kids if that is at
all possible. If she can babysit or be a mother's helper to some
imaginative kids who are just a little younger than she is - that can
work well. Even my now-17 yo still likes to play with younger kids
quite often.
Also, maybe introduce her to role-playing games such as dungeons and
dragons - that's a good way to transition into a more mature form of
imaginative play. This is also a good time for her to read lots of
science fiction and/or fantasy books - maybe start a book discussion
group. Maybe join a re-enactment group such as the SCA or a civil war
living history group. Maybe she'd like to take acting classes or
audition for a community theater production.
Most of us stop playing kid-like pretend games as we hit our teens,
and some girls, especially, even earlier. But, some kids really love
it and seem to need it much longer than others, and it really helps
their mood and outlook on life when they get enough imaginative play!
My second child needed it, loved it, a whole lot! She's an actress -
still gets lots of pretend time! These days, when she's not in a show,
she starts to get sort of moody and down. So - she's 20 years old and
still has that need!
Remember - support her interests.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> She wants to play imaginative games and they wantI heard the exact same complaint from each of my 3 daughters between
> to "hang out" and talk about stuff.
the ages of 11 and 13. And each of them lost friendships during those
years, mostly for that very reason. The other girls thought mine were
annoying because they were always bugging them to "do something." Mine
thought the other girls were annoying because they wouldn't "do
something."
I don't have the "answer" - but I did find it helps a lot to work out
a way for her to hang out with a younger group of kids if that is at
all possible. If she can babysit or be a mother's helper to some
imaginative kids who are just a little younger than she is - that can
work well. Even my now-17 yo still likes to play with younger kids
quite often.
Also, maybe introduce her to role-playing games such as dungeons and
dragons - that's a good way to transition into a more mature form of
imaginative play. This is also a good time for her to read lots of
science fiction and/or fantasy books - maybe start a book discussion
group. Maybe join a re-enactment group such as the SCA or a civil war
living history group. Maybe she'd like to take acting classes or
audition for a community theater production.
Most of us stop playing kid-like pretend games as we hit our teens,
and some girls, especially, even earlier. But, some kids really love
it and seem to need it much longer than others, and it really helps
their mood and outlook on life when they get enough imaginative play!
My second child needed it, loved it, a whole lot! She's an actress -
still gets lots of pretend time! These days, when she's not in a show,
she starts to get sort of moody and down. So - she's 20 years old and
still has that need!
Remember - support her interests.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Zoa Conner
Hi Faith,
My ds is only 9.5, but we have the same problem with others deciding that we
are just ³too out there² to be friends with. As of right now, he has not a
single kid he can call and play with. Even the neighbors (all schooled). It
took us a while, but we basically found new people to meet. He is playing on
a soccer team for the first time. There are 2 teams with ³older² boys that
play each other each game so he should get to know those 19 other boys
pretty well. He joined a boys dance class which has 4-5 other boys. We are
trying to go on more field trips with other homeschoolers (and I am ignoring
whether I like the parents). We are members of a bike club, and he is trying
to get other parents in club to bring their kids so he has someone to ride
with. This is just what we have found so far. Don¹t know any of these will
produce friends for him, but they make him happy right now.
What can your daughter try that is with a new group of people? Maybe
something which is more activity oriented and less age oriented. That way
she can meet younger kids to play with and older kids to hand out and talk
about sex gel with (not at same time probably though :-).
In Peace,
Zoa
My ds is only 9.5, but we have the same problem with others deciding that we
are just ³too out there² to be friends with. As of right now, he has not a
single kid he can call and play with. Even the neighbors (all schooled). It
took us a while, but we basically found new people to meet. He is playing on
a soccer team for the first time. There are 2 teams with ³older² boys that
play each other each game so he should get to know those 19 other boys
pretty well. He joined a boys dance class which has 4-5 other boys. We are
trying to go on more field trips with other homeschoolers (and I am ignoring
whether I like the parents). We are members of a bike club, and he is trying
to get other parents in club to bring their kids so he has someone to ride
with. This is just what we have found so far. Don¹t know any of these will
produce friends for him, but they make him happy right now.
What can your daughter try that is with a new group of people? Maybe
something which is more activity oriented and less age oriented. That way
she can meet younger kids to play with and older kids to hand out and talk
about sex gel with (not at same time probably though :-).
In Peace,
Zoa
On 4/21/08 6:58 PM, "Faith Void" <littlemsvoid@...> wrote:
> The other concern is we have had yet another family tell me that they
> don't want to be friends with us because of my parenting. She said
> that I allow me kids to watch tv shows that she doesn't approve of and
> my kids mention things that she doesn't want her kids to find out
> about. The exact incident was; my dd (11) said that something looked
> like sex gel. And then told her kids (10 and 12) what sex gel was for
> when they asked. At some point they told their mom. She said that my
> kids were too worldly for her kids. I asked if she felt this was an on
> going problem. She said that she didn't want to chance it so isn't'
> interested in hanging out with our family anymore. This really sucks,
> as her dd 5 and my ds 5 are best friends. I haven't said anything to
> either of my kids because I am hoping that she'll come around. BUT
> this isn't the first time this has happened. Several families has
> declined friendship with us because I allow my kids "too much
> freedom". It has been an ongoing issue for years. My kids are not
> crazy or crass or inappropriate (any more that I have heard from other
> kids). I just don't know what to do!
> It is really frustrating because I don't judge their parenting. I
> don't say I don't want to be friends with your family because you
> restrict your kids too much for my tastes. I try and be consciensious
> and respect of their ways.
>
> I have a really hard time articulating things, so I am sorry that this
> is probably really disjointed. I am not re-reading this as the baby
> needs me so forgive typos etc
> GFaith
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
barefootmamax4
My son is 11 and he is still very much into playing.He is the
second oldest in our homeschooling group which ranges in age from 6-
12.There is a lot of playing games and pokemon discussion.He does
mostly play with younger kids except for one 12 yr old who likes
games and playing just as much.
I have had people tell me how he needs to start growing up and
acting his age. I look at other 10-12 yr olds and I see kids that
can't stand their parents or siblings,whose friends are all
important. The parent child bond appears to be broken.If that is
what "normal" children do then we will stay abnormal!
In our group there is one 12 yr old girl and she is a bit aloof
with the other kids,but that might just be her nature, or maybe she
is going through something similar. They do travel alot so she hasn't
really spent a lot of time with the other kids to make any
connections. She has joined in a play production that was written by
one of the kids though, and that has seemed to help her be part of
the group. She is still very comfortable plunking down on her mom's
lap for some cuddly time which I think is so amazingly wonderful
since most school aged 12 ys olds try very hard to act like the
don't have parents.
-Kelly
second oldest in our homeschooling group which ranges in age from 6-
12.There is a lot of playing games and pokemon discussion.He does
mostly play with younger kids except for one 12 yr old who likes
games and playing just as much.
I have had people tell me how he needs to start growing up and
acting his age. I look at other 10-12 yr olds and I see kids that
can't stand their parents or siblings,whose friends are all
important. The parent child bond appears to be broken.If that is
what "normal" children do then we will stay abnormal!
In our group there is one 12 yr old girl and she is a bit aloof
with the other kids,but that might just be her nature, or maybe she
is going through something similar. They do travel alot so she hasn't
really spent a lot of time with the other kids to make any
connections. She has joined in a play production that was written by
one of the kids though, and that has seemed to help her be part of
the group. She is still very comfortable plunking down on her mom's
lap for some cuddly time which I think is so amazingly wonderful
since most school aged 12 ys olds try very hard to act like the
don't have parents.
-Kelly
Heather
I would definitely agree on trying to do something with people of
various ages... watching infants at church was the only thing I
liked, besides sports when I was 12-16 or so. I liked puppetry too! I
was one who NEVER fit. I never talked on the phone, gossiped, etc. I
was NOT imaginative in that I hated role playing but once I found sci-
fi-fantasy it did help me adjust to the world more and be less
depressed as a teen. I even started taking classes to volunteer at
the hospital. I wanted to be around infants as much as possible. Old
people scared me but I know some teens my age loved going to nursing
homes and doing projects with them, playing games, putting on plays.
I was an extremely shy teen and so my mother stuck by my side alot
and that helped me adjust to things I wanted to do but wasn't able to
do by myself. So try and think of what she can do and how to adjust,
not what she can't to enjoy herself :)
I know you do, as most people on here seem to. Just a reminder :)
And I wanted to let you know I can relate to a degree about people
not wanting to be friends with you and your kids. We have just signed
my son (almsot 4) up for soccer and our fear was that the parents
would make it known to their children that they should not play with
our son. So far we have only been to one practice, so we will have to
see hwo things go. We have done nothing wrong but people don't like
us for various reasons (not being silent about injustices, not being
rich enough to live here, not thinking kids have to be in the best
schools to succeed, etc.) My son has never been schooled outside of
our family, besides a montesorri camp. He has not had any friends his
age either. We have had run-ins at the park but for the most part we
don't fit in and our son may have suffered as a result, maybe not.
Even Dh's family has turned against us for various reasons through
the past yrs. Long story :) So I don't have any pointers for finding
solutions. But despite everything we have been through, I do think
you should stick to your guns when you feel the need. I don't regret
any of our decisions. Maybe one day people can live together and show
more love and tolerance. Or we should all find a way to have a
community together, lol.
Peace,
Heather
various ages... watching infants at church was the only thing I
liked, besides sports when I was 12-16 or so. I liked puppetry too! I
was one who NEVER fit. I never talked on the phone, gossiped, etc. I
was NOT imaginative in that I hated role playing but once I found sci-
fi-fantasy it did help me adjust to the world more and be less
depressed as a teen. I even started taking classes to volunteer at
the hospital. I wanted to be around infants as much as possible. Old
people scared me but I know some teens my age loved going to nursing
homes and doing projects with them, playing games, putting on plays.
I was an extremely shy teen and so my mother stuck by my side alot
and that helped me adjust to things I wanted to do but wasn't able to
do by myself. So try and think of what she can do and how to adjust,
not what she can't to enjoy herself :)
I know you do, as most people on here seem to. Just a reminder :)
And I wanted to let you know I can relate to a degree about people
not wanting to be friends with you and your kids. We have just signed
my son (almsot 4) up for soccer and our fear was that the parents
would make it known to their children that they should not play with
our son. So far we have only been to one practice, so we will have to
see hwo things go. We have done nothing wrong but people don't like
us for various reasons (not being silent about injustices, not being
rich enough to live here, not thinking kids have to be in the best
schools to succeed, etc.) My son has never been schooled outside of
our family, besides a montesorri camp. He has not had any friends his
age either. We have had run-ins at the park but for the most part we
don't fit in and our son may have suffered as a result, maybe not.
Even Dh's family has turned against us for various reasons through
the past yrs. Long story :) So I don't have any pointers for finding
solutions. But despite everything we have been through, I do think
you should stick to your guns when you feel the need. I don't regret
any of our decisions. Maybe one day people can live together and show
more love and tolerance. Or we should all find a way to have a
community together, lol.
Peace,
Heather
Meredith
--- In [email protected], Zoa Conner <zoaconner@...>
wrote:
More seriously, I wanted to chime in with all the suggestions to
find people of different ages as possible friends - not just older
and younger kids, but adults too. My stepson (14) has more adult
friends than kid-friends these days and part of the reason for that
is similar to what the OP posted - kids his age just don't have much
in common with him anymore. He doesn't want to stand around
complaining about his parents (and what would he complain about?
that we didn't have enough black tape for his new spear? yeah, the
other kids could really relate to that...) or break rules just for
the sake of breaking them.
Thinking in terms of activities is a good idea, too. Its how adults
make friends, for the most part.
---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)
wrote:
>> What can your daughter try that is with a new group of people?Maybe
> something which is more activity oriented and less age oriented.That way
> she can meet younger kids to play with and older kids to hand outand talk
> about sex gel with (not at same time probably though :-).Your Freudian slip is showing, hon ;) Hand out sex gel?
More seriously, I wanted to chime in with all the suggestions to
find people of different ages as possible friends - not just older
and younger kids, but adults too. My stepson (14) has more adult
friends than kid-friends these days and part of the reason for that
is similar to what the OP posted - kids his age just don't have much
in common with him anymore. He doesn't want to stand around
complaining about his parents (and what would he complain about?
that we didn't have enough black tape for his new spear? yeah, the
other kids could really relate to that...) or break rules just for
the sake of breaking them.
Thinking in terms of activities is a good idea, too. Its how adults
make friends, for the most part.
---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)
Robin Bentley
>I wonder if it goes with my Jungian garter belt...? <BWG>
> Your Freudian slip is showing, hon ;)
Robin B.
>
>
hbmccarty
Hi Faith-
My daughter is 11, too.
around 11/12. Some are "growing up" fast - flirting with boys, dressing
to show off their bodies, gossiping, etc. My daughter is not there
either, and sometimes feels left out by girls she used to play with.
This is really painful for me to observe- though I think a lot of it is
because it reminds me so much of myself at that age and situations in
which I felt very uncomfortable at school. A lot of listening is needed
and seeking out of comfortable situations. Girls are very different from
each other physically at this age- I think that has a lot to do with it.
I am trying to see that as okay and not judge the other girls or their
parents- some of it seems due to development and personality in addition
to parenting style in my observation. My daughter spends a lot of time
with her cousins- one a year younger, one a year older. They still play
and play- they spent the day Friday outside playing on the trampoline
and going on safari with an umbrella and picnic basket- they sew and
draw a lot- they have been making very cute bears and slippers. I think
the older cousin probably acts quite differently around other friends.
We do have a nice group of kids still who aren't as "mature". I am
organizing a girls group that meets weekly that does different
activities each week- so far this spring we have baked bread, sewed
stuffed bears, and today we are meeting at a park- the girls also just
play a lot. The reason that we meet as girls only is due to that strong
preference by my daughter and the other girls.
allowing my kids to read comic books- Calvin and Hobbes, and Garfield.
Her kids would come over and spend the whole time reading comics- she
stopped calling us to get together after a while. I have also suspected
that other parents have chosen to curtail relationships due to this-
especially one waldorf homeschooling family. I actually would prefer to
hear it directly- wondering why a family doesn't call or avoids getting
together is more confusing- though it is still painful and awkward. I
have needed to tell other parents that my kids weren't interested in
playing with their kids for one reason or another, too. It is so
difficult to find the right way to say it and feelings seem to be hurt
even when I am careful. The families we are around really range in their
parenting styles and their choices. I think my kids have learned more or
less to be generally "appropriate" as they are 11 and 14, but it feels
kind of stilted and not so much fun to watch ourselves all the time so
as not to alienate or offend. I doubt my son does this around his
friends but certainly does around parents. This is really all tricky-
but my kids need people to be with so we try and try. I feel really
anxious at times about certain things that I am pretty sure others will
be judgmental about- mostly just avoiding the subject works though
sometimes I am inspired to explain myself and sometimes regret it. It is
like we are hiding part of who we are quite often and it doesn't always
feel so good.
Heather M.
My daughter is 11, too.
>Faith Void wrote:I have noticed a split between girls of this age that we know also-
>She wants to play imaginative games and they want
>to "hang out" and talk about stuff.
around 11/12. Some are "growing up" fast - flirting with boys, dressing
to show off their bodies, gossiping, etc. My daughter is not there
either, and sometimes feels left out by girls she used to play with.
This is really painful for me to observe- though I think a lot of it is
because it reminds me so much of myself at that age and situations in
which I felt very uncomfortable at school. A lot of listening is needed
and seeking out of comfortable situations. Girls are very different from
each other physically at this age- I think that has a lot to do with it.
I am trying to see that as okay and not judge the other girls or their
parents- some of it seems due to development and personality in addition
to parenting style in my observation. My daughter spends a lot of time
with her cousins- one a year younger, one a year older. They still play
and play- they spent the day Friday outside playing on the trampoline
and going on safari with an umbrella and picnic basket- they sew and
draw a lot- they have been making very cute bears and slippers. I think
the older cousin probably acts quite differently around other friends.
We do have a nice group of kids still who aren't as "mature". I am
organizing a girls group that meets weekly that does different
activities each week- so far this spring we have baked bread, sewed
stuffed bears, and today we are meeting at a park- the girls also just
play a lot. The reason that we meet as girls only is due to that strong
preference by my daughter and the other girls.
>She said that mySomeone said this in relation to choices we were making- I think it was
>kids were too worldly for her kids.
allowing my kids to read comic books- Calvin and Hobbes, and Garfield.
Her kids would come over and spend the whole time reading comics- she
stopped calling us to get together after a while. I have also suspected
that other parents have chosen to curtail relationships due to this-
especially one waldorf homeschooling family. I actually would prefer to
hear it directly- wondering why a family doesn't call or avoids getting
together is more confusing- though it is still painful and awkward. I
have needed to tell other parents that my kids weren't interested in
playing with their kids for one reason or another, too. It is so
difficult to find the right way to say it and feelings seem to be hurt
even when I am careful. The families we are around really range in their
parenting styles and their choices. I think my kids have learned more or
less to be generally "appropriate" as they are 11 and 14, but it feels
kind of stilted and not so much fun to watch ourselves all the time so
as not to alienate or offend. I doubt my son does this around his
friends but certainly does around parents. This is really all tricky-
but my kids need people to be with so we try and try. I feel really
anxious at times about certain things that I am pretty sure others will
be judgmental about- mostly just avoiding the subject works though
sometimes I am inspired to explain myself and sometimes regret it. It is
like we are hiding part of who we are quite often and it doesn't always
feel so good.
Heather M.
Faith Void
a big thank you to everyone. I am still frustrated and feel like I am
failing in some ways but I feel some support. We actually looked into
the SCA because it appeals to everyone in the family in different
ways. My dd has been "hanging out" predominately with boys as they are
"easier" to understand and relate to~~say dd. She has recently started
basketball and football (in the neighborhood) since we moved. She has
also asked about starting a book descussion group as the one at the
library isn't a good match, they put kids in age groups and not by
books they like. She was stuck reading "the cricket in times square"
and "stuart little" books I read to her when she was really small. I
am not sure how to go about it but I am thinking towards it. A friend
suggested a kids theater in town that I hadn't heard of, we had a bad
experience with the other one so we plan to try this out at the next
audition.
I hope that the neighborhood stuff works out because I have totally
quit that co-op. And it is really firm decision as I just got a new
post with all the new rules and now the classes are compulsory and
there is 4 different age segregate groups! (including pre-school) My
dd is quite distraught over this as these kids have been her friends
for the past two years. She wants me to make play-dates with these
kids for her but their parents don't like me/the way I parent and
won't. I can't really figure out a way to break that to her. I also
suspect that some of the parents don't like her, but I would never
suggest that to her. She is a strong personality. But I know several
adults that are very similar to her and they are amazing people. I
don't want her to change just because she wants friends Now.
I have been feeling really bad lately that I don't fit in. Not for
myself because I don't even like these people but my kids are
suffering. I am trying to figure some stuff out for myself. I started
reading this Byron Katie book which is what helped me to realize that
I don't even like these people. I was felling like there was something
wrong with me because I couldn't get them to like me, lol. There just
might be loads "wrong" with me but I just don't care to be around
these negative, controlling people.
Please feel free to send more wonderful suggestions and positive
energy. I wish I had a chance to met folks like you guys in real life!
Faith
failing in some ways but I feel some support. We actually looked into
the SCA because it appeals to everyone in the family in different
ways. My dd has been "hanging out" predominately with boys as they are
"easier" to understand and relate to~~say dd. She has recently started
basketball and football (in the neighborhood) since we moved. She has
also asked about starting a book descussion group as the one at the
library isn't a good match, they put kids in age groups and not by
books they like. She was stuck reading "the cricket in times square"
and "stuart little" books I read to her when she was really small. I
am not sure how to go about it but I am thinking towards it. A friend
suggested a kids theater in town that I hadn't heard of, we had a bad
experience with the other one so we plan to try this out at the next
audition.
I hope that the neighborhood stuff works out because I have totally
quit that co-op. And it is really firm decision as I just got a new
post with all the new rules and now the classes are compulsory and
there is 4 different age segregate groups! (including pre-school) My
dd is quite distraught over this as these kids have been her friends
for the past two years. She wants me to make play-dates with these
kids for her but their parents don't like me/the way I parent and
won't. I can't really figure out a way to break that to her. I also
suspect that some of the parents don't like her, but I would never
suggest that to her. She is a strong personality. But I know several
adults that are very similar to her and they are amazing people. I
don't want her to change just because she wants friends Now.
I have been feeling really bad lately that I don't fit in. Not for
myself because I don't even like these people but my kids are
suffering. I am trying to figure some stuff out for myself. I started
reading this Byron Katie book which is what helped me to realize that
I don't even like these people. I was felling like there was something
wrong with me because I couldn't get them to like me, lol. There just
might be loads "wrong" with me but I just don't care to be around
these negative, controlling people.
Please feel free to send more wonderful suggestions and positive
energy. I wish I had a chance to met folks like you guys in real life!
Faith
On Tue, Apr 22, 2008 at 4:26 AM, Pamela Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> On Apr 21, 2008, at 3:58 PM, Faith Void wrote:
>
> > She wants to play imaginative games and they want
> > to "hang out" and talk about stuff.
>
> I heard the exact same complaint from each of my 3 daughters between
> the ages of 11 and 13. And each of them lost friendships during those
> years, mostly for that very reason. The other girls thought mine were
> annoying because they were always bugging them to "do something." Mine
> thought the other girls were annoying because they wouldn't "do
> something."
>
> I don't have the "answer" - but I did find it helps a lot to work out
> a way for her to hang out with a younger group of kids if that is at
> all possible. If she can babysit or be a mother's helper to some
> imaginative kids who are just a little younger than she is - that can
> work well. Even my now-17 yo still likes to play with younger kids
> quite often.
>
> Also, maybe introduce her to role-playing games such as dungeons and
> dragons - that's a good way to transition into a more mature form of
> imaginative play. This is also a good time for her to read lots of
> science fiction and/or fantasy books - maybe start a book discussion
> group. Maybe join a re-enactment group such as the SCA or a civil war
> living history group. Maybe she'd like to take acting classes or
> audition for a community theater production.
>
> Most of us stop playing kid-like pretend games as we hit our teens,
> and some girls, especially, even earlier. But, some kids really love
> it and seem to need it much longer than others, and it really helps
> their mood and outlook on life when they get enough imaginative play!
>
> My second child needed it, loved it, a whole lot! She's an actress -
> still gets lots of pretend time! These days, when she's not in a show,
> she starts to get sort of moody and down. So - she's 20 years old and
> still has that need!
>
> Remember - support her interests.
>
> -pam
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Ren Allen
~~I am trying to figure some stuff out for myself. I started
reading this Byron Katie book which is what helped me to realize that
I don't even like these people. I was felling like there was something
wrong with me because I couldn't get them to like me, lol. There just
might be loads "wrong" with me but I just don't care to be around
these negative, controlling people.~~
One of my favorite sayings is "It is better to be hated for who you
are, than loved for who you are not."
There are people out there you will connect with and make positive
lifelong friendships. You have to be willing to CREATE the space for
that connection sometimes, by starting a new group or reaching out in
a new way rather than trying to fit into groups that already exist.
~~Please feel free to send more wonderful suggestions and positive
energy. I wish I had a chance to met folks like you guys in real life!~~
Live and Learn conference, September of this year!! Lotsa connections
and fun. I've made lifelong friendships there, people I consider
extended family...my tribe.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
reading this Byron Katie book which is what helped me to realize that
I don't even like these people. I was felling like there was something
wrong with me because I couldn't get them to like me, lol. There just
might be loads "wrong" with me but I just don't care to be around
these negative, controlling people.~~
One of my favorite sayings is "It is better to be hated for who you
are, than loved for who you are not."
There are people out there you will connect with and make positive
lifelong friendships. You have to be willing to CREATE the space for
that connection sometimes, by starting a new group or reaching out in
a new way rather than trying to fit into groups that already exist.
~~Please feel free to send more wonderful suggestions and positive
energy. I wish I had a chance to met folks like you guys in real life!~~
Live and Learn conference, September of this year!! Lotsa connections
and fun. I've made lifelong friendships there, people I consider
extended family...my tribe.
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Live and Learn conference, September of this year!! Lotsa connections
and fun. I've made lifelong friendships there, people I consider
extended family...my tribe.
-0-0-0-0-0-
I second Ren on this. We went last year and it was wonderful.
I met all this amazing families and my only regret was that Ren herself was not there for the Conference and I did not get to meet her and her family.
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and fun. I've made lifelong friendships there, people I consider
extended family...my tribe.
-0-0-0-0-0-
I second Ren on this. We went last year and it was wonderful.
I met all this amazing families and my only regret was that Ren herself was not there for the Conference and I did not get to meet her and her family.
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
Please feel free to send more wonderful suggestions and positive
energy. I wish I had a chance to met folks like you guys in real life!
-=-=-=-=-
Uh...there's the Live and learn Unschooling Conference---and most of us
will be there! <G>
September 3-7, 2008 in Black Mountain, NC.
An EXCELLENT time and place to meet a LOT of unschoolers In Real Life!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
Please feel free to send more wonderful suggestions and positive
energy. I wish I had a chance to met folks like you guys in real life!
-=-=-=-=-
Uh...there's the Live and learn Unschooling Conference---and most of us
will be there! <G>
September 3-7, 2008 in Black Mountain, NC.
An EXCELLENT time and place to meet a LOT of unschoolers In Real Life!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Faith Void
we have been talking about this. we are going to the one next month in
New England because our relatives are up there as well. I did go to
the UWWG but didn't met anyone really. We had a great time anyway. I
am feeling much better about things. I quit that co-op just in time
:-) They have just come out with a huge list of rules including age
seg and compulse classes. I think I'd like to start my own group after
I have relaxed a few weeks. I am sure I'll post some suggestions when
I am ready for that adventure. I think my kids need time to shift
gears from that as well.
IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolers thing?
Faith
New England because our relatives are up there as well. I did go to
the UWWG but didn't met anyone really. We had a great time anyway. I
am feeling much better about things. I quit that co-op just in time
:-) They have just come out with a huge list of rules including age
seg and compulse classes. I think I'd like to start my own group after
I have relaxed a few weeks. I am sure I'll post some suggestions when
I am ready for that adventure. I think my kids need time to shift
gears from that as well.
IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolers thing?
Faith
On Mon, Apr 28, 2008 at 2:59 PM, <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
>
> Please feel free to send more wonderful suggestions and positive
> energy. I wish I had a chance to met folks like you guys in real life!
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> Uh...there's the Live and learn Unschooling Conference---and most of us
> will be there! <G>
>
> September 3-7, 2008 in Black Mountain, NC.
>
> An EXCELLENT time and place to meet a LOT of unschoolers In Real Life!
>
> ~Kelly
>
> Kelly Lovejoy
> Conference Coordinator
> Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
> http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
>
WE have been
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolers
thing?
-=-=-=-
Lovejoys will be there.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolers
thing?
-=-=-=-
Lovejoys will be there.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Ren Allen
~~
IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolers
thing?~~
I must have missed this post....
My kids and I (plus Trevor's gf) will be there!:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolers
thing?~~
I must have missed this post....
My kids and I (plus Trevor's gf) will be there!:)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Beth Fleming
Unschooling Mom to Frances (10), Will (8), Catherine (3), and Grace (14 months)
www.6uvus.blogspot.com
----- Original Message ----
From: Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, April 28, 2008 11:19:02 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:conferences WAS: 11 y/os
~~
IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolers
thing?~~
We're going, too! Our first conference....I and my husband and 4 kiddos (ages 11, 9, 4 and 2) will be there during the days.....commuting from nearby....
Looking forward to meeting you all!
Peace,
Beth
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
www.6uvus.blogspot.com
----- Original Message ----
From: Ren Allen <starsuncloud@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, April 28, 2008 11:19:02 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:conferences WAS: 11 y/os
~~
IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolers
thing?~~
We're going, too! Our first conference....I and my husband and 4 kiddos (ages 11, 9, 4 and 2) will be there during the days.....commuting from nearby....
Looking forward to meeting you all!
Peace,
Beth
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
My eldest is going to be hosting a funshop. She is bringing our button
maker and supplies. So if you want to make a button (some call them
badges) stop in. She likes to be called Max, she is said 11 y/o :-) We
don't know when that weekend yet. Hopefully we'll get to met people,
maybe even some of you, at this conference.
thanks
Faith
maker and supplies. So if you want to make a button (some call them
badges) stop in. She likes to be called Max, she is said 11 y/o :-) We
don't know when that weekend yet. Hopefully we'll get to met people,
maybe even some of you, at this conference.
thanks
Faith
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
My eldest is going to be hosting a funshop. She is bringing our button
maker and supplies. So if you want to make a button (some call them
badges) stop in. She likes to be called Max, she is said 11 y/o :-) We
don't know when that weekend yet. Hopefully we'll get to met people,
maybe even some of you, at this conference.
-=-=-=-=-
I'm looking forward to making a few badges/buttons with Max. My 12 year
old, Duncan, will be hosting the Konichiwa funshop---everything
Japanese.
I can guarantee you'll meet me and Ren. We're loud, often together, and
pretty hard to miss. <BWG>
Rue will be there too---her quiet little self, so you'll have to *look*
for her. You won't miss her husband, Jon, though---he *more* than makes
up for Rue's gentle, quiet nature. <g> My husband is the quiet one of
our two-some, but NOT when he's with Jon Kream!
Deb Rossing, you'll be there, right?
Marji's a sure thang. And Joy Karim and Cris Trainor too.
Laurie-alohabun said she'll be there.
It'll be a party! <g> I can't wait to meet you!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
My eldest is going to be hosting a funshop. She is bringing our button
maker and supplies. So if you want to make a button (some call them
badges) stop in. She likes to be called Max, she is said 11 y/o :-) We
don't know when that weekend yet. Hopefully we'll get to met people,
maybe even some of you, at this conference.
-=-=-=-=-
I'm looking forward to making a few badges/buttons with Max. My 12 year
old, Duncan, will be hosting the Konichiwa funshop---everything
Japanese.
I can guarantee you'll meet me and Ren. We're loud, often together, and
pretty hard to miss. <BWG>
Rue will be there too---her quiet little self, so you'll have to *look*
for her. You won't miss her husband, Jon, though---he *more* than makes
up for Rue's gentle, quiet nature. <g> My husband is the quiet one of
our two-some, but NOT when he's with Jon Kream!
Deb Rossing, you'll be there, right?
Marji's a sure thang. And Joy Karim and Cris Trainor too.
Laurie-alohabun said she'll be there.
It'll be a party! <g> I can't wait to meet you!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Ohhhhhhh Kelly.......I wanted so much to go this year ............
If any of you are still undecided I say just GO!
It was the most fun my ds ( 5 at the time) had in his life.
We absolutely loved it!
Wish I could go this year......sniff.....
Alex Polikowsky
www.polykow.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
If any of you are still undecided I say just GO!
It was the most fun my ds ( 5 at the time) had in his life.
We absolutely loved it!
Wish I could go this year......sniff.....
Alex Polikowsky
www.polykow.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
And Kelly - you can just *go* and *attend* and *visit*. No conference
coordinating! Ahhh...
Caren
coordinating! Ahhh...
Caren
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
> It'll be a party! <g> I can't wait to meet you!
>
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: carenkh <carenkh@...>
And Kelly - you can just *go* and *attend* and *visit*. No conference
coordinating! Ahhh...
-=-=-
And BOY, is that FUN! I had *such* a good time at Life Is Good last
spring! I just PLAYED!
Looking forward to the New England Unschooling Conference!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: carenkh <carenkh@...>
And Kelly - you can just *go* and *attend* and *visit*. No conference
coordinating! Ahhh...
-=-=-
And BOY, is that FUN! I had *such* a good time at Life Is Good last
spring! I just PLAYED!
Looking forward to the New England Unschooling Conference!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
alohabun
> IS anyone else from on here going to be at the North East unschoolersUs too! - Laurie, Jim and Katie almost 11, Li almost 7, Makana almost
> thing?~~
>
3.
Shileen Nixon
Are you all referring to the winter trip in Ohio? Does anyone know
if there is some kind of unschooling conference over the summer?
Thanks!
Shileen
if there is some kind of unschooling conference over the summer?
Thanks!
Shileen
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Shileen Nixon <shileennixon@...>
Are you all referring to the winter trip in Ohio? Does anyone know
if there is some kind of unschooling conference over the summer?
Thanks!
-=-=-=-=-=-
The cool winterpark gathering is just ONE of the many opportunities to
meet batches of unschoolers.
This month, we have three: Next weekend there's the Toronto Unschooling
Conference in Canada---May 9-11. Then there's the New England
Unschooling Conference in Peabody, MA, as well as the LIFEisGood
Conference in Vancouver, WA. Both are on Memorial Day weekend on
opposite sides of the US.
The *last* Live and Learn Unschooling Conference is in September near
Asheville, NC.
Not Back to School Camps---for the teens only---are in August and
September. In Oregon and Vermont.
The Pura Vida Unschooling Conference is being planned in Costa Rica in
December.
Ren's planning her ARGH gatherings now---she's looking at one in the
spring and one in the fall, but dates aren't set yet.
There's little in the dead of summer (when the rest of the world
travels), but GREAT things planned all year (when most kids are stuck
in school).
I hope to see you at one of these!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: Shileen Nixon <shileennixon@...>
Are you all referring to the winter trip in Ohio? Does anyone know
if there is some kind of unschooling conference over the summer?
Thanks!
-=-=-=-=-=-
The cool winterpark gathering is just ONE of the many opportunities to
meet batches of unschoolers.
This month, we have three: Next weekend there's the Toronto Unschooling
Conference in Canada---May 9-11. Then there's the New England
Unschooling Conference in Peabody, MA, as well as the LIFEisGood
Conference in Vancouver, WA. Both are on Memorial Day weekend on
opposite sides of the US.
The *last* Live and Learn Unschooling Conference is in September near
Asheville, NC.
Not Back to School Camps---for the teens only---are in August and
September. In Oregon and Vermont.
The Pura Vida Unschooling Conference is being planned in Costa Rica in
December.
Ren's planning her ARGH gatherings now---she's looking at one in the
spring and one in the fall, but dates aren't set yet.
There's little in the dead of summer (when the rest of the world
travels), but GREAT things planned all year (when most kids are stuck
in school).
I hope to see you at one of these!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Ren Allen
~~Ren's planning her ARGH gatherings now---she's looking at one in the
spring and one in the fall, but dates aren't set yet.~~
I just recently found what is hopefully our long-term home for ARGH:
http://www.sugarhollowretreat.com/
Dates to come!
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
spring and one in the fall, but dates aren't set yet.~~
I just recently found what is hopefully our long-term home for ARGH:
http://www.sugarhollowretreat.com/
Dates to come!
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
Maisha Khalfani
What is ARGH?
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/> Khalfani Family Adventures
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Namasté
be at peace,
Maisha
<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/> Khalfani Family Adventures
When a big kid hits a little kid on the playground, we call him a bully;
five years later he punches a woman for her wallet and is called a mugger;
later still, when he slugs a fellow worker who insults him, he is called a
troublemaker, but when he becomes a father and hits his tiresome,
disobedient or disrespectful child, we call him a disciplinarian. Why is
this rung on a ladder of interpersonal violence regarded so differently from
the rest? ~ Penelope Leach
Don't be afraid of showing affection. Be warm and tender, thoughtful and
affectionate. Mankind is more helped by sympathy than by service. Love is
more than money, and a kind word will give more pleasure than a present.
~ Jean Baptiste Lacordaire
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~What is ARGH?~~
What I say after Jalen knocks the laundry over for the 10th time.;)
Ok, seriously...it's a gathering of unschoolers or unschool curious
here in Eastern TN. We had our first small gathering last fall and
really enjoyed it! We've decided to expand into an outdoor venue,
which at this point is close to Lake Wautauga.
It's called Sugar Hollow Mountain retreat and we plan to take over the
entire site for our next gathering. The idea is to keep it simple and
inexpensive. I think the entire cost for three days and two nights is
going to be about $160 per family. No registration, bring your own
food. The fee covers your lodging which might be a room shared with
another family...but it depends on requests and size and space
available. All lodges have bathrooms, running water, kitchens etc...
all the comforts of home.
There are hiking trails, an outdoor stage, a nice size conference
center for the night owls to hang out and for fun workshops etc...
The idea behind ARGH is that all participants contribute their
ideas..no speakers or agenda other than what we make it!
There is a Yahoo list for anyone wanting to stay informed as this
event develops:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AutodidacticRadicalGatheringofHomeschoolers/
We're in the baby stages but wanting this to become a twice yearly
gathering. It will be smaller than a conference, topping out at around
100 people or so. Oh, and tents spaces will be available at a lesser
rate if people don't care about having a lodge room. Tent campers will
still have access to the lodge bathrooms and kitchens etc...
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
What I say after Jalen knocks the laundry over for the 10th time.;)
Ok, seriously...it's a gathering of unschoolers or unschool curious
here in Eastern TN. We had our first small gathering last fall and
really enjoyed it! We've decided to expand into an outdoor venue,
which at this point is close to Lake Wautauga.
It's called Sugar Hollow Mountain retreat and we plan to take over the
entire site for our next gathering. The idea is to keep it simple and
inexpensive. I think the entire cost for three days and two nights is
going to be about $160 per family. No registration, bring your own
food. The fee covers your lodging which might be a room shared with
another family...but it depends on requests and size and space
available. All lodges have bathrooms, running water, kitchens etc...
all the comforts of home.
There are hiking trails, an outdoor stage, a nice size conference
center for the night owls to hang out and for fun workshops etc...
The idea behind ARGH is that all participants contribute their
ideas..no speakers or agenda other than what we make it!
There is a Yahoo list for anyone wanting to stay informed as this
event develops:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AutodidacticRadicalGatheringofHomeschoolers/
We're in the baby stages but wanting this to become a twice yearly
gathering. It will be smaller than a conference, topping out at around
100 people or so. Oh, and tents spaces will be available at a lesser
rate if people don't care about having a lodge room. Tent campers will
still have access to the lodge bathrooms and kitchens etc...
Ren
learninginfreedom.com