barefootmamax4

I have been reading this book. I'd like to discuss some things about
it. Has anyone been using the methods with their child? What do you do
if your child won't talk? How can I hear his concern and get "two on
the table" if he just will not speak about a problem issue at all? I
can't really give verbal empathy if I don't know what to empathise with!
Is there as discussion list/forum for this book anywhere?
-Kelly

Pamela Sorooshian

On Apr 16, 2008, at 7:20 PM, barefootmamax4 wrote:

> I
> can't really give verbal empathy if I don't know what to empathise
> with!
>

Guess.

Seriously. Your guess is probably darn close and, if you're wrong,
your child will indicate that, most likely. Guessing can get you
started communicating. You can even say, "Well, I'm just guessing that
you...."

I've recommended this book a lot, because I got a lot out of it when
my kids were younger and I had one who was explosive, back then - and
I think it would be great to discuss it with unschooling in mind.

-pam



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barefootmamax4

--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>>
> Guess.
>
> Seriously. Your guess is probably darn close and, if you're wrong,
> your child will indicate that, most likely. Guessing can get you
> started communicating. You can even say, "Well, I'm just guessing
that
> you...."

I have offered a suggestion/guess ,"Are you upset because....?" All I
get in response is a "hmmph!" He did grab my arm and want me to stay
with him while he sulked,but I felt very frustrated that we were not
doing anything discussion wise. Today I can see just having somebody
sit with him was probably just the kind of empathy he needed then,but
I couldn't see that yesterday. I was too worked up and I didn't want
to sit with him.

I'd like to bring it up again for discussion with him though. I have
a tendency to let it pass now that the storm is over and so things go
unresolved. I'm sure I'll need more help with this as we work on it!

>
> I've recommended this book a lot, because I got a lot out of it
when
> my kids were younger and I had one who was explosive, back then -
and
> I think it would be great to discuss it with unschooling in mind.

I learned about the book from this list. How do you relate this book
to unschooling?
-Kelly

keetry

--- In [email protected], "barefootmamax4"
<barefootmamax4@...> wrote:
>
> I have been reading this book. I'd like to discuss some things about
> it. Has anyone been using the methods with their child? What do you
do
> if your child won't talk? How can I hear his concern and get "two on
> the table" if he just will not speak about a problem issue at all? I
> can't really give verbal empathy if I don't know what to empathise
with!
> Is there as discussion list/forum for this book anywhere?
> -Kelly
>

What does "explosive child" mean?

Alysia

Joyce Fetteroll

On Apr 17, 2008, at 8:38 AM, barefootmamax4 wrote:

> I have offered a suggestion/guess ,"Are you upset because....?"

Don't quiz him! Make a guess -- *if* it doesn't upset him -- to put a
label on something he might not have a word for, but you want to get
to some form of "That's no fun when that happens" that speaks to him
(*not* followed by a "but") or, as you say ...

> Today I can see just having somebody
> sit with him was probably just the kind of empathy he needed then

a physical way of saying it.

Way more useful to look at his needs than what a book says are his
needs! Books (and advice here) are great starting points when we're
stuck, but then we need to look at what the child's telling us he
needs not try to impose the advice on the child.

> I'd like to bring it up again for discussion with him though.

When he's well removed you might bring it up. Try reading:

http://sandradodd.com/truck

Rather than focus on him, maybe focus on what you can do better to
help. (It's okay if he doesn't know.) He might be someone who wants
to work things out on his own and you offering to delve into it with
him might be irritating. You may just need to let him know you're
there for him.

Joyce

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