Forgiving yourself and moving on
Chrissy
How do you do it??? Today I took the award for horrible mom. Just
when I was feeling like ok this listening... being mindful, honoring
of my children was becoming natural to me as opposed to being
something I had to think about.
Not that they whys excuse the actions but Im stressed to the hilt...
we are going on the 4th week of hubby working out of state. Im very
lucky to have a very involved hands on kinda husband so being alone
is a shocker too me. The kids have been awesome, I was a bit afraid
of the woo hoo moms all by herself lets mess with her head but its
been the exact opposite. Today though I had a total meltdown. Larry
had come home sat for the weekend and was less than stellar IMO, the
kids were edgy and sensing his and I's stress over him leaving again.
Jacob who is 8 had hugged me at least 20 times finally the 21st time
I snapped, I was trying to get something finished that larry needed
to leave, and instead of taking the nano second to hug Jacob, I put
up my hand to push him away.... that in and of itself is bad enough
but when he started crying I Yelled I just dont want to hug you right
now.......
UGGGGHHHHHH I have cried off and on all day. He of course is over
for the most part although since then when he walks up to hug me he
has been asking feel like a hug? I have said im sorry to the point
where he bluntly told me Im annoying him with it.....
I know it just happened today so its very fresh but HOW could I do
this???? Sorry I guess this is more of a ramble post!
Chrissy
when I was feeling like ok this listening... being mindful, honoring
of my children was becoming natural to me as opposed to being
something I had to think about.
Not that they whys excuse the actions but Im stressed to the hilt...
we are going on the 4th week of hubby working out of state. Im very
lucky to have a very involved hands on kinda husband so being alone
is a shocker too me. The kids have been awesome, I was a bit afraid
of the woo hoo moms all by herself lets mess with her head but its
been the exact opposite. Today though I had a total meltdown. Larry
had come home sat for the weekend and was less than stellar IMO, the
kids were edgy and sensing his and I's stress over him leaving again.
Jacob who is 8 had hugged me at least 20 times finally the 21st time
I snapped, I was trying to get something finished that larry needed
to leave, and instead of taking the nano second to hug Jacob, I put
up my hand to push him away.... that in and of itself is bad enough
but when he started crying I Yelled I just dont want to hug you right
now.......
UGGGGHHHHHH I have cried off and on all day. He of course is over
for the most part although since then when he walks up to hug me he
has been asking feel like a hug? I have said im sorry to the point
where he bluntly told me Im annoying him with it.....
I know it just happened today so its very fresh but HOW could I do
this???? Sorry I guess this is more of a ramble post!
Chrissy
Burpingcat
Hi Chrissy
I know I have had the horrible dad award a few times myself. Nothing makes
me feel worse then doing something stupid to make my sons cry, just because
I was stressed. Thankfully they have really short memories, even is we
don't.
My wife also travels some for work. The stress really builds because I
don't get any down time. I have since learned that I really really REALLY
needed to find a way to release that stress when she is gone. Part of my
problem too, was just adjusting to being home and not working. I was a
workaholic in my former life.
Still have trouble believing how things turned out, but I love being home.
My youngest took his first steps today without support. I got to see that
and be home for it. How cool it that!! Okay sorry I digress ;)
I saw a list like this a while back in one of my wifes parenting magizines
she reads and it really helped me. Of course the list was geared towards
stay at home moms and not practical for me so I have developed my own list.
These are a few things that I do to release some stress
I hope this helps you some or gives you some ideas. Hang in there.
1) I get a time out and we watch Star Trek.
2) My sister comes for a visit
3) I play Guitar Hero and they all dance while I play
4) Video game really really help me calm down, so after the kids go to bed I
do this first, before doing any work. I will be doing dishes tomorrow anyway
so its not like they are going there. I am sort of a reformed neat freak.
Find something that relaxes you.
5) I once wrote a LONG love letter to my wife and emailed it to her while
she was on travel. It was like we were dating all over again and she got a
big kick out of it.
6) Watch a Laurie Berkin DVD. Some of the songs have motions or we made some
up. We will just dance around and sing. This is great for bad weather.
7) We go to the park and I play some basketball while they ride their toys
around the court. Exercise always helps reduce the stress, but its hard to
do when I am by myself.
8) I go move into my mom's house for a bit sometimes. I know my friend
highly recommends this as its the way she copes with having her husband
gone.
9) I get some babysitting if nothing else. I trade with another stay at home
mom. We both get desperate to get out. I also have a retired friend from
church who is like a third grandma to my kids who comes over for a few
hours. Then I usually hit the coffee shop or Barnes and Nobles for a couple
of hours.
10) We have a movie night. We have been watching My Neighbor Totoro and
eating some special snacks.
Hang in there Chrissy
Cheers
Chad
On Mon, Apr 14, 2008 at 10:32 PM, Chrissy <chrissymomto2@...>
wrote:
I know I have had the horrible dad award a few times myself. Nothing makes
me feel worse then doing something stupid to make my sons cry, just because
I was stressed. Thankfully they have really short memories, even is we
don't.
My wife also travels some for work. The stress really builds because I
don't get any down time. I have since learned that I really really REALLY
needed to find a way to release that stress when she is gone. Part of my
problem too, was just adjusting to being home and not working. I was a
workaholic in my former life.
Still have trouble believing how things turned out, but I love being home.
My youngest took his first steps today without support. I got to see that
and be home for it. How cool it that!! Okay sorry I digress ;)
I saw a list like this a while back in one of my wifes parenting magizines
she reads and it really helped me. Of course the list was geared towards
stay at home moms and not practical for me so I have developed my own list.
These are a few things that I do to release some stress
I hope this helps you some or gives you some ideas. Hang in there.
1) I get a time out and we watch Star Trek.
2) My sister comes for a visit
3) I play Guitar Hero and they all dance while I play
4) Video game really really help me calm down, so after the kids go to bed I
do this first, before doing any work. I will be doing dishes tomorrow anyway
so its not like they are going there. I am sort of a reformed neat freak.
Find something that relaxes you.
5) I once wrote a LONG love letter to my wife and emailed it to her while
she was on travel. It was like we were dating all over again and she got a
big kick out of it.
6) Watch a Laurie Berkin DVD. Some of the songs have motions or we made some
up. We will just dance around and sing. This is great for bad weather.
7) We go to the park and I play some basketball while they ride their toys
around the court. Exercise always helps reduce the stress, but its hard to
do when I am by myself.
8) I go move into my mom's house for a bit sometimes. I know my friend
highly recommends this as its the way she copes with having her husband
gone.
9) I get some babysitting if nothing else. I trade with another stay at home
mom. We both get desperate to get out. I also have a retired friend from
church who is like a third grandma to my kids who comes over for a few
hours. Then I usually hit the coffee shop or Barnes and Nobles for a couple
of hours.
10) We have a movie night. We have been watching My Neighbor Totoro and
eating some special snacks.
Hang in there Chrissy
Cheers
Chad
On Mon, Apr 14, 2008 at 10:32 PM, Chrissy <chrissymomto2@...>
wrote:
> How do you do it??? Today I took the award for horrible mom. Just[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> when I was feeling like ok this listening... being mindful, honoring
> of my children was becoming natural to me as opposed to being
> something I had to think about.
>
> Not that they whys excuse the actions but Im stressed to the hilt...
> we are going on the 4th week of hubby working out of state. Im very
> lucky to have a very involved hands on kinda husband so being alone
> is a shocker too me. The kids have been awesome, I was a bit afraid
> of the woo hoo moms all by herself lets mess with her head but its
> been the exact opposite. Today though I had a total meltdown. Larry
> had come home sat for the weekend and was less than stellar IMO, the
> kids were edgy and sensing his and I's stress over him leaving again.
>
> Jacob who is 8 had hugged me at least 20 times finally the 21st time
> I snapped, I was trying to get something finished that larry needed
> to leave, and instead of taking the nano second to hug Jacob, I put
> up my hand to push him away.... that in and of itself is bad enough
> but when he started crying I Yelled I just dont want to hug you right
> now.......
>
> UGGGGHHHHHH I have cried off and on all day. He of course is over
> for the most part although since then when he walks up to hug me he
> has been asking feel like a hug? I have said im sorry to the point
> where he bluntly told me Im annoying him with it.....
>
> I know it just happened today so its very fresh but HOW could I do
> this???? Sorry I guess this is more of a ramble post!
>
> Chrissy
>
>
>
Ryan
I agree with the letting go of the guilt suggestion (though that's
certainly difficult at times).
I think the way we've always tried to approach that around here is
understanding that from time to time people snap, people say or do
things they probably shouldn't and wish they hadn't. People get
angry. People are, basically, people, and less than perfect. It
happens. I want my children to understand that and be okay with the
fact that no one (themselves included) is perfect all the time. I
know that when one of my children does something less than perfect I
wouldn't want them feeling badly about themselves all day. We make
mistakes. We apologize openly and honestly. We move on. We try to
handle situations better the next time.
So, sure, doing the kinds of things that help reduce stress is great,
and doing the kind of mental preparation that helps keep us from
reacting negatively in the moment is also great, but apologies and
understanding that we all mess up from time to time and forgiving
each other is great too.
--- In [email protected], Kendrah Nilsestuen
<carebear-79@...> wrote:
certainly difficult at times).
I think the way we've always tried to approach that around here is
understanding that from time to time people snap, people say or do
things they probably shouldn't and wish they hadn't. People get
angry. People are, basically, people, and less than perfect. It
happens. I want my children to understand that and be okay with the
fact that no one (themselves included) is perfect all the time. I
know that when one of my children does something less than perfect I
wouldn't want them feeling badly about themselves all day. We make
mistakes. We apologize openly and honestly. We move on. We try to
handle situations better the next time.
So, sure, doing the kinds of things that help reduce stress is great,
and doing the kind of mental preparation that helps keep us from
reacting negatively in the moment is also great, but apologies and
understanding that we all mess up from time to time and forgiving
each other is great too.
--- In [email protected], Kendrah Nilsestuen
<carebear-79@...> wrote:
>will
> **UGGGGHHHHHH I have cried off and on all day. He of course is over
> for the most part although since then when he walks up to hug me he
> has been asking feel like a hug? I have said im sorry to the point
> where he bluntly told me Im annoying him with it.....**
>
> Let go of the guilt. Guilt is ineffective. It doesn't allow us to
> move forward, but keeps us continuing to dwell in a moment of the
> past. If we are dwelling on the past, we aren't living in the
> present. Which is so, so important. You flubbed up. Learn from it.
> Get over it. Move on. I'm guessing you (and your annoyed son!)
> feel much better. :)this
>
>
> I'm also pasting a response that Deb L wrote not long ago about
> topic. Lots of good suggestions.
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/message/31870
>
> Kendrah:)
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>