swissarmy_wife

Is there any writing on help for a husband and wife who are just not
on the same page? They are unschoolers, but struggle with
mindful/respectful parenting. It's hard for me to give help, I've
never experienced marriage problems, and well... they are my in-laws. :-O

What I do know is the lack of respect in the family is bad. It's
causing a lot of problems and tension, especially with the teenager
(13). The dad is under the impression that he gets respect because he
is "the father". Yet, imo, he doesn't act in a way that will get him
much respect.

Anyway... if any has been in this situation, my MIL is looking for
some help, but doesn't have internet right now since everytime he gets
mad he shuts it off. It should be on soon. I'd like to be able to
find someone she could talk to or who has written something on the
subject.

carenkh

--- In [email protected], "swissarmy_wife"
<heatherbean@...> wrote:
>
my MIL is looking for
> some help, but doesn't have internet right now

There is usually free internet access at public libraries and
universities.

Caren

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>

Is there any writing on help for a husband and wife who are just not
on the same page? They are unschoolers, but struggle with
mindful/respectful parenting. It's hard for me to give help, I've
never experienced marriage problems, and well... they are my in-laws.
:-O

-=-=-=-=-

I think Rue Kream's book is excellent for
understanding...ummmm...*understanding*. It's a *really* easy read in a
Q&A format.

It's definitely radical---but presented in such a peaceful,
matter-of-fact way, you forget it's all that radical. <G>

And it's ALL about respect for the individual.

-=-=-=-=-=-

What I do know is the lack of respect in the family is bad. It's
causing a lot of problems and tension, especially with the teenager
(13). The dad is under the impression that he gets respect because he
is "the father". Yet, imo, he doesn't act in a way that will get him
much respect.

Anyway... if any has been in this situation, my MIL is looking for
some help, but doesn't have internet right now since everytime he gets
mad he shuts it off. It should be on soon. I'd like to be able to
find someone she could talk to or who has written something on the
subject.

-=-=-=-

This sounds abusive. He turns the internet access off when he's pissed
at others???

I'm guessing he won't listen to *anything* though. Or do you think he
wants to change?




~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org


________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com

swissarmy_wife

> This sounds abusive. He turns the internet access off when he's
pissed at others???

Yep. He forced a math curriculum on the two older boys because he
wasn't "convinced". I find him very verbally abusive. for the first
time I actually let her in on how I feel about him. I feel so weird
about that. i just felt she needed to hear it. The problem that I
see is that husband and wife are not communicating. At all. And the
kids are suffering.

>
> I'm guessing he won't listen to *anything* though. Or do you think he
> wants to change?

This is a tough one. It seems to go back and forth. What I do know
is that he will not listen to me or my husband (his oldest son from a
previous marriage)and we are not terribly comfortable discussing this
with him (yet). So I felt that since she came to me, I could try and
put a few tools into her hands. :-) I always see her trying to do
the right thing, they have been unschooling so much longer, but for
some reason it just doesn't go smoothly their house (unless he isn't
there). I feel like they are so much older, yet so much more immature
in their dealings with each other! I would say he is the bigger
problem, but I'm not sure she is handling it well either. My son who
spends some time there, recently told me "they fight all the time".
(meaning argue) Needless to say visits have been shortened. I don't
think my kids need to witness their dirty laundry, KWIM?

>
>
>
>
> ~Kelly
>
> Kelly Lovejoy
> Conference Coordinator
> Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
> http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
>
>
> ________________________________________________________________________
> More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
> http://webmail.aol.com
>

caradove

From personal experience, we got a lot of insight and support through
seeing a counselor jointly. Most of DH difficulties came from never
being respected, seeing his mother verbally disrespected and then
boarding school where kids were treated appallingly.

It might be that your FIL had a similar example growing up? Not as an
excuse but maybe a starting point to look at where to start growing
and changing.

Also joint counseling would give a place to talk, away from bickering
at home constantly.

Ultimately though he/they need to want a change.

cara


--- In [email protected], "swissarmy_wife"
<heatherbean@...> wrote:
>
> Is there any writing on help for a husband and wife who are just not
> on the same page? They are unschoolers, but struggle with
> mindful/respectful parenting. It's hard for me to give help, I've
> never experienced marriage problems, and well... they are my
in-laws. :-O
>
> What I do know is the lack of respect in the family is bad. It's
> causing a lot of problems and tension, especially with the teenager
> (13). The dad is under the impression that he gets respect because he
> is "the father". Yet, imo, he doesn't act in a way that will get him
> much respect.
>
> Anyway... if any has been in this situation, my MIL is looking for
> some help, but doesn't have internet right now since everytime he gets
> mad he shuts it off. It should be on soon. I'd like to be able to
> find someone she could talk to or who has written something on the
> subject.
>