organicsis

Hi! My name is Tara, wife to Justin for 5.5 years and mom to 8 yr old son, Z. Z went to a private school for 2.5 years before we finally woke up and took him out. He's been out for over a year now and we have no intentions of looking back!

My friend (SwissArmyWife) gave me the link to this group and I must admit even after unschooling for a year now, within hours of reading thru some of these posts, I was amazed at the awesome info I picked up (esp stuf I thought I already knew)! I'm looking forward to absorbing more!

So here's my question that I'm hoping some veterans can give me some insight on:

My son dyed his hair a rockin' shade of (almost neon) blue. He really loved it for about 24 hours. Most people we hang around are unschoolers who would all say "Cool hair!" and get on with what they were doing (and others that didn't know us didn't say anything).

But family members are a different story. We went out to eat with my parents who could not stop teasing him about his hair! (Dang those public school people! lol) Now he's always trying to hide his hair and is very insecure about it (it is semi-permenant dye so it's not going anywhere soon either). I'm a bit annoyed (with my parents) that my once excited son is now shy about his awesome hair.

I'm not sure how to handle this with people, especially parents. Is this just a natural side effect of such cool hair that I should allow him to learn from or should I step in and say "Zip it already"? Or should I only step in at a certain point and what is that point? I feel like I should have handled the whole situation differently but am not really sure how. (I always seem to botch my response when it comes to my parents.)

What do you all think?


Tara
Our Unschooling Blog:
http://heartschooling.blogspot.com
Check these out:
http://www.ardenguy.com/index.htm
http://RonPaul2008.com
http://RonPaulLibrary.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG2PUZoukfA&eurl=
http://www.NVHSforRonPaul.blogspot.com


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Jodi Bezzola

Hi Tara, I just want to say welcome to this group! We've only be unschooling a short time, we have 3 year old twin girls. For the record, I'm pretty sure you're not the only one who botches responses to your parents <g>. I don't have one iota of advice, so I'm going to shut up and listen along with you for the wise ones to come by.
Jodi

organicsis <organicsis@...> wrote:
Hi! My name is Tara, wife to Justin for 5.5 years and mom to 8 yr old son, Z. Z went to a private school for 2.5 years before we finally woke up and took him out. He's been out for over a year now and we have no intentions of looking back!

My friend (SwissArmyWife) gave me the link to this group and I must admit even after unschooling for a year now, within hours of reading thru some of these posts, I was amazed at the awesome info I picked up (esp stuf I thought I already knew)! I'm looking forward to absorbing more!

So here's my question that I'm hoping some veterans can give me some insight on:

My son dyed his hair a rockin' shade of (almost neon) blue. He really loved it for about 24 hours. Most people we hang around are unschoolers who would all say "Cool hair!" and get on with what they were doing (and others that didn't know us didn't say anything).

But family members are a different story. We went out to eat with my parents who could not stop teasing him about his hair! (Dang those public school people! lol) Now he's always trying to hide his hair and is very insecure about it (it is semi-permenant dye so it's not going anywhere soon either). I'm a bit annoyed (with my parents) that my once excited son is now shy about his awesome hair.

I'm not sure how to handle this with people, especially parents. Is this just a natural side effect of such cool hair that I should allow him to learn from or should I step in and say "Zip it already"? Or should I only step in at a certain point and what is that point? I feel like I should have handled the whole situation differently but am not really sure how. (I always seem to botch my response when it comes to my parents.)

What do you all think?


Tara
Our Unschooling Blog:
http://heartschooling.blogspot.com
Check these out:
http://www.ardenguy.com/index.htm
http://RonPaul2008.com
http://RonPaulLibrary.com
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG2PUZoukfA&eurl=
http://www.NVHSforRonPaul.blogspot.com

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[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: organicsis <organicsis@...>

But family members are a different story. We went out to eat with my
parents who
could not stop teasing him about his hair! (Dang those public school
people!
lol) Now he's always trying to hide his hair and is very insecure about
it (it
is semi-permenant dye so it's not going anywhere soon either). I'm a
bit annoyed
(with my parents) that my once excited son is now shy about his awesome
hair.

-=-=-=-=-

I would be more than annoyed. BUT---he needs to be able to trust *you*,
his mom, to step in and intervene on his behalf.

If you won't do it, who will? Certainly not these grandparents who are
contributing to his discomfort.

I think I would tell my parents that, until they could play nicely with
a *child*, they wouldn't be allowed to play at all. Such teasing is NOT
play.

-=-=-=-=-=-

I'm not sure how to handle this with people, especially parents. Is
this just a
natural side effect of such cool hair that I should allow him to learn
from or
should I step in and say "Zip it already"?

-=-=-=-

How would you have wanted it to be handled when you were that age? Have
you asked your son how he wishes it had been handled?

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Or should I only step in at a certain
point and what is that point? I feel like I should have handled the
whole
situation differently but am not really sure how. (I always seem to
botch my
response when it comes to my parents.)

What do you all think?

-=-=-=-=-

I'd ask why they thought that was necessary. My answer would depend on
their reactions.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org


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Andrew and Cecily Paterson

Hello,

I'm new to this group. I haven't started unschooling yet... in a couple of
weeks my 8 yo daughter will finish term 1 (Australian) at school so we plan
to start then.



When I read about unschooling my heart goes 'yes yes yes' but when I
actually start to think about what our days will look like when she quits
school, my brain is kicking into anxious mode. "We'll have to do this... we
could try that... how will I get her to..."



It's a really big challenge to me to let go and let it all happen.



One question I have is: do unschooled children learn to be perseverative and
persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the time, if they
are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?



And why am I so terrified to let her stop piano lessons? (Actually, I know
the answer to that and it is that I'm worried about my mother's reaction!
Hmmm, work to do there...) She's recently lost her interest after being
really keen last year. Is it just a faze? Will she pick it up again later?
Should I continue the lessons but leave the practice up to her?



Look, basically, are you sure it works? What kind of kid will she turn out
to be????



Thanks for the honest comments!

Cecily

,_._,___



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

carnationsgalore

>(I always seem to botch my response when it comes to my parents.)
> What do you all think?

I think you are still looking at your parents as if you were very
young. I don't know what kind of relationship you had/have with them
but is it likely there is an element of fear involved? Maybe fear of
disapproval? If this situation had occurred in my family, I would
know that my mom and stepdad were teasing my child in good fun. They
are like that actually. However, I have to step in many times and
remind my mother that her perceptions are very different from her
grandchildren's perceptions. Such teasing might be fine if both
parties understood it wasn't serious and everyone laughed and felt
good about it. But if the adult's teasing caused the child to feel
bad, then it is no longer good natured teasing. My mom truly didn't
understand that at first but she did finally get it.

Beth

Joyce Fetteroll

On Feb 19, 2008, at 5:18 AM, Andrew and Cecily Paterson wrote:

> do unschooled children learn to be perseverative and
> persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the
> time, if they
> are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?

Yes, they learn perfectly fine.

Put it this way, if you were made to stick with 10 things you weren't
enjoying and one turned out okay, what are the chances that you'd
decide as an adult that sticking with something unpleasant was worth it?

What if you were allowed to quit whenever you wanted and built up
over time a sense of accomplishment with completed tasks, some of
which had some difficulties that you chose to push past?

I think adults either picture or from experience, remember the times
they were forced to do something and ended up loving it. That then
colors their perception of the advantages of someone pushing someone
else to do something. They *don't* remember the far more numerous
times they were made to do something, hated it, and then avoided
anything else to do with it.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

strawlis

--- In [email protected], organicsis <organicsis@...>
wrote:
>I'm a bit annoyed (with my parents) that my once excited son is now
shy about his awesome hair.

Great advise from Kelly on handling the rents...I'll add spend time
working with DS on feeling good about himself and his groovy hair...you
know the old 'sticks and stones' adage.

Respect,
Elisabeth

Tara

> How would you have wanted it to be handled when you were that age?
Have
> you asked your son how he wishes it had been handled?

I think this is where I struggle sometimes. I was a pretty exuberant,
colorful kid. My son and I have very different personalities at times
and when I think back to being a kid, my reaction would have been to
laugh or play along in fun and enjoy the reactions of others. Z
doesn't do this but he also doesn't always let on something is
bothering him. At the time he was playing his DS and I didn't realize
how it affected him until the next day when he kept trying to hide
his hair and I asked him why.

I talked to him about it last night and he seemed not to remember his
grandparents teasing (maybe he didn't see it as teasing?) but he said
he didn't realize how much people would want to talk about his hair
and that's why he kept it covered (he's been wearing a hood and
taking it off a little at a time to see how the people around him
will react). He said he still likes his hair but he just doesn't like
people constantly talking about it.

We talked about the options; shaving his head, being proud, keeping a
hat on. I tried to explain why I thought people wanted to talk about
it so much (because it's cool/shocking/interesting etc). I guess I'll
have to wait and see how he he handles it at the store today to see
if he's anymore comfortable with it.

T.

Tara

> I think you are still looking at your parents as if you were very
> young. I don't know what kind of relationship you had/have with
them
> but is it likely there is an element of fear involved? Maybe fear
of
> disapproval?


I've always had a good relationship with them, but their parenting is
much different then ours. Although they completely support us
unschooling, they still don't get the "radical" (parenting) part of
it. My bonus(step) dad especially has a hard time. He believes in
being very "stern" (i.e. controlling) with kids. I'm usually very
outspoken with them (with all of my family really - I'm the loud one
that calls people out on stuff). There is an element of fear there
but I think my fear is not so much their reaction but just a general
wanting to avoid a our style vs. your style debate ...partially
because I'm getting a reputation for being too "opinionated". LOL I
also just don't like having to defend myself constantly so I avoid
the conversation and we respectfully agree to disagree.


If this situation had occurred in my family, I would
> know that my mom and stepdad were teasing my child in good fun.
They
> are like that actually. However, I have to step in many times and
> remind my mother that her perceptions are very different from her
> grandchildren's perceptions. Such teasing might be fine if both
> parties understood it wasn't serious and everyone laughed and felt
> good about it. But if the adult's teasing caused the child to feel
> bad, then it is no longer good natured teasing. My mom truly
didn't
> understand that at first but she did finally get it.


I certainly knew they were playing but I didn't realize my son
didn't. I guess maybe he's an internalizer? He mulls things over
(sometimes for days) before talking about them. Maybe I need to see
if he wants to come up with a system or a signal that means "save
me". Or I just need to discreetly check in more often.

T.

keetry

I would step in for teasing. That's just not nice and, if you feel
uncomfortable confronting your parents, imagine how your ds must
feel about confronting his grandparents. I've had to ask my dad to
not tease my children. He teased me a lot when I was a child and a
lot of it hurt even though I knew his intentions were not to be mean
and hurt me. I just told my dad that my children's feelings were
hurt by the teasing. Luckily, my dad understands that's not good
rather than thinking they need to be toughened up like some might so
he was glad I told him and he stopped. If I had gotten another
reaction, I would've then told him he couldn't be around my kids
until he could be nice to them.

Alysia

--- In [email protected], organicsis
<organicsis@...> wrote:
>
> >> But family members are a different story. We went out to eat
with my parents who could not stop teasing him about his hair! (Dang
those public school people! lol) Now he's always trying to hide his
hair and is very insecure about it (it is semi-permenant dye so it's
not going anywhere soon either). I'm a bit annoyed (with my parents)
that my once excited son is now shy about his awesome hair.
>
> > Tara
> Our Unschooling Blog:
> http://heartschooling.blogspot.com
> Check these out:
> http://www.ardenguy.com/index.htm
> http://RonPaul2008.com
> http://RonPaulLibrary.com
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG2PUZoukfA&eurl=
> http://www.NVHSforRonPaul.blogspot.com
>
>
>
_____________________________________________________________________
_______________
> Looking for last minute shopping deals?
> Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?
category=shopping
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Debra Rossing

>do unschooled children learn to be perseverative and persistent even on
things they don't particularly enjoy at the time, if they are convinced
by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?
Heck, I know adults that went to school who don't do that if someone's
not holding their feet to the fire, so to speak. But, yes, PEOPLE learn
to persevere through difficult stuff IF it's toward a goal they have
*chosen* - doesn't matter if they're adults or kids. The common schooled
kid plaint of "Do I haaave to?" and "Why do I have to learn this stuff?"
goes away when they're unschooling because no, they don't necessarily
"have to" (barring the odd critical illness or something) and they learn
things when/as they are ready and it has a connection, a meaning, for
them. It's not about required grade level subject data but about
following a life path. Whether it's perfecting a martial arts kata or
finishing a tough level of a videogame, yes it happens. For that matter,
people learn about persevering from toddlerhood - ever watch a little
one learn to walk? That's *hard work*, lots of falling, bumps and
scrapes, BUT tots have a goal - to figure out how to use these "legs"
and "feet" to move around like Mom and Dad and other 'big people'. We go
ahead and make sure they've got a safe space to work in, provide a hand
when requested and let go when it's obvious they want us to let go "No,
I do it!" lol Hugs and cuddles for the bumps. Same applies - our task is
to facilitate, make space, time, resources available, assistance as
requested, let go as needed, and provide a safe haven for the bumps and
bruises of life.

As to the piano lessons, have you *asked* your daughter what she wants
to do? Just lesson? Just play on her own? Different teacher? lots of
options

What kind of kid will she turn out to be? We have no idea ... and
neither do you ... and unschooling won't change that. What it will do,
though, is free her to become Who She Is, whatever that ends up looking
like rather than confining her and "molding" her into what others want.
She (and all people) are not blobs of blank clay to be molded into the
image someone else desires. Right from the get-go each person is unique
and wonderful. Schools are designed to mass produce a bunch of pretty
much the same "objects" but free from school, each person is free to
become a one of a kind designer original.

Deb


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[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Andrew and Cecily Paterson <tuipiri@...>

One question I have is: do unschooled children learn to be
perseverative and
persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the time, if
they
are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?

-=-=-=-=-=

Certainly, if that's something they choose.

Cameron's done LOTS of less pleasant things in order to achieve
something important at the end.

Why would you think otherwise?

-=-=-=-=-=-

And why am I so terrified to let her stop piano lessons? (Actually, I
know
the answer to that and it is that I'm worried about my mother's
reaction!
Hmmm, work to do there...)

-=-=-=-=-=-

She's not your mother or your mother's child. And although you *are*
your mother's child, you are *ALSO*---and more importantly---an adult
AND a parent. It's time to BE the adult and the parent. Your mother had
her turn at being the parent. If she's happy with the job she did, she
should have no problem trusting your decisions. If she's NOT pleased
with the job she did, ...well...maybe she should back off and let you
try something new.

-=-=-=-=-=-

She's recently lost her interest after being
really keen last year. Is it just a faze?

-=-=-=-

Maybe. Would you be disappointed if it's not?

-=-=-=-

Will she pick it up again later?

-=-=-=-

Maybe. Would you be disappointed if she didn't?

-=-=-=-=-

Should I continue the lessons but leave the practice up to her?

-=-=-=-=-

How can you force someone to love the piano?

Cameron plays drums and sometimes seems obsessed with them and other
times dismissive. He sometimes asks for lessons and other times tells
Danny (the teacher) that he needs a break. Sometimes he plays until is
hands ache; other days he doesn't even go out to the music room.

He always seems to be getting better, not worse. In fact, often after
the break, his skills have improved *magically*.

Can she leave the lessons for a while and ask for them later? Does it
have to be one or the other?

-=-=-=-=-=-

Look, basically, are you sure it works?

-=-=-=-=-

Am I sure unschooling works? Definitely.

Are you sure *school* works?

-=-=-=-=-

What kind of kid will she turn out to be????

-=-=-=-=-

First---I can't tell you anything about your kid.

Second---are you trying to "turn out" something in particular?

Third---wouldn't it be great to just give her a wondrous, joyful
childhood? Is that not enough??






~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org


________________________________________________________________________
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Karen A

My two oldest boys (14 & 11) have in the past month had bright purple,
pink and blue hair (not at once lol). They experienced a bit of good
natured teasing about it and actually seemed to quite enjoy the
attention. They were aware that if they made the choice to dye their
hair an outrageous colour, they would naturally receive some either
wanted or unwanted attention as a natural consequence, and it really
didn't bother them. If it had been done in a cruel way I would
probably have tried to make some light hearted comment on their behalf
if I'd noticed them struggling to cope. It's "just hair" after all!

Cheers, Karen

--- In [email protected], "carnationsgalore"
<addled.homemaker@...> wrote:
>
> >(I always seem to botch my response when it comes to my parents.)
> > What do you all think?
>
> I think you are still looking at your parents as if you were very
> young. I don't know what kind of relationship you had/have with them
> but is it likely there is an element of fear involved? Maybe fear of
> disapproval? If this situation had occurred in my family, I would
> know that my mom and stepdad were teasing my child in good fun. They
> are like that actually. However, I have to step in many times and
> remind my mother that her perceptions are very different from her
> grandchildren's perceptions. Such teasing might be fine if both
> parties understood it wasn't serious and everyone laughed and felt
> good about it. But if the adult's teasing caused the child to feel
> bad, then it is no longer good natured teasing. My mom truly didn't
> understand that at first but she did finally get it.
>
> Beth
>

Karen A

Whereabouts in Australia are you? There's a really great Natural
Learning group that meets in Sydney, and I'm sure there are other
similar groups in other placed. I'm in Newcastle.

Karen

--- In [email protected], "Andrew and Cecily Paterson"
<tuipiri@...> wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> I'm new to this group. I haven't started unschooling yet... in a
couple of
> weeks my 8 yo daughter will finish term 1 (Australian) at school so
we plan
> to start then.
>
>
>
> When I read about unschooling my heart goes 'yes yes yes' but when I
> actually start to think about what our days will look like when she
quits
> school, my brain is kicking into anxious mode. "We'll have to do
this... we
> could try that... how will I get her to..."
>
>
>
> It's a really big challenge to me to let go and let it all happen.
>
>
>
> One question I have is: do unschooled children learn to be
perseverative and
> persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the time,
if they
> are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?
>
>
>
> And why am I so terrified to let her stop piano lessons? (Actually,
I know
> the answer to that and it is that I'm worried about my mother's
reaction!
> Hmmm, work to do there...) She's recently lost her interest after being
> really keen last year. Is it just a faze? Will she pick it up again
later?
> Should I continue the lessons but leave the practice up to her?
>
>
>
> Look, basically, are you sure it works? What kind of kid will she
turn out
> to be????
>
>
>
> Thanks for the honest comments!
>
> Cecily
>
> ,_._,___
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Andrew and Cecily Paterson

Hi Karen,

I'm in the Southern Highlands - Mittagong. We do get up to Sydney here and
there though... but there is a homeschooling group down here, plus a great
family who unschool at our church, so I do have company. Cheers, Cecily



From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Karen A
Sent: Wednesday, 20 February 2008 10:30 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Make my anxiety go away



Whereabouts in Australia are you? There's a really great Natural
Learning group that meets in Sydney, and I'm sure there are other
similar groups in other placed. I'm in Newcastle.

Karen

--- In [email protected]
<mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com> , "Andrew and Cecily Paterson"
<tuipiri@...> wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> I'm new to this group. I haven't started unschooling yet... in a
couple of
> weeks my 8 yo daughter will finish term 1 (Australian) at school so
we plan
> to start then.
>
>
>
> When I read about unschooling my heart goes 'yes yes yes' but when I
> actually start to think about what our days will look like when she
quits
> school, my brain is kicking into anxious mode. "We'll have to do
this... we
> could try that... how will I get her to..."
>
>
>
> It's a really big challenge to me to let go and let it all happen.
>
>
>
> One question I have is: do unschooled children learn to be
perseverative and
> persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the time,
if they
> are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?
>
>
>
> And why am I so terrified to let her stop piano lessons? (Actually,
I know
> the answer to that and it is that I'm worried about my mother's
reaction!
> Hmmm, work to do there...) She's recently lost her interest after being
> really keen last year. Is it just a faze? Will she pick it up again
later?
> Should I continue the lessons but leave the practice up to her?
>
>
>
> Look, basically, are you sure it works? What kind of kid will she
turn out
> to be????
>
>
>
> Thanks for the honest comments!
>
> Cecily
>
> ,_._,___
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wisdomalways5

>
> >do unschooled children learn to be perseverative and persistent even
on
> things they don't particularly enjoy at the time, if they are
convinced
> by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?


yes- my girls are 5 and 3 and will say "i have to try again" I hear
this over and over- I have never pushed HAVING to try again but they
want to try again to make something happen

my oldest son is 14 and he was mostly conventionally raised and he
hardly EVER wants to try again- if it is not easy the first time he
wants to give up

Julie

Pamela Sorooshian

My WeightWatchers leader suggested that we go home and make a list of
100 things we've accomplished in our life. I won't go into the reason
for doing that, but I mentioned it to my 17 year old, and that started
a conversation between us about the things she felt good about having
accomplished in her life. Some of the things she listed:

- starting karate training
- getting her brown belt
- getting her black belt
- auditioning for a dance concert
- learning to do certain really difficult dance steps
- earning her Girl Scout Bronze award and Silver award
- getting her Girl Scout Gold award project approved
- writing two NaNoWriMo novels
- writing a screenplay
- writing 30,000 words in one day

What I noticed about her list was that starting karate training and
auditioning for the dance concert required her to step outside her
comfort zone, but all the rest of them required a great deal of
perseverance and, yes, working through discomfort and sometimes
outright pain.


>
> > do unschooled children learn to be perseverative and
> > persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the
> > time, if they
> > are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?


-pam

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Donna Vanderlip

I have enjoyed reading this post. I was just about to post a question about piano lessons and practice. Found myself these days pushing Lukas to practice with all kinds of great wisdoms around what practice can do for him. Now I am wondering if my pushing is just something I need....probably is...I was going to ask what others do around piano practice. He loves the piano, doesn't want to stop lessons but clearly isn't in a space to practice like he was a number of weeks ago. I think I got my answer...but thought I would look for some more feedback. We are certainly moving along in our deschooling process and I feel my concerns and panic are lessening though I do have these questions that linger when what I am doing just isn't working. Thanks as always. Donna

kbcdlovejo@... wrote: -----Original Message-----
From: Andrew and Cecily Paterson <tuipiri@...>

One question I have is: do unschooled children learn to be
perseverative and
persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the time, if
they
are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?

-=-=-=-=-=

Certainly, if that's something they choose.

Cameron's done LOTS of less pleasant things in order to achieve
something important at the end.

Why would you think otherwise?

-=-=-=-=-=-

And why am I so terrified to let her stop piano lessons? (Actually, I
know
the answer to that and it is that I'm worried about my mother's
reaction!
Hmmm, work to do there...)

-=-=-=-=-=-

She's not your mother or your mother's child. And although you *are*
your mother's child, you are *ALSO*---and more importantly---an adult
AND a parent. It's time to BE the adult and the parent. Your mother had
her turn at being the parent. If she's happy with the job she did, she
should have no problem trusting your decisions. If she's NOT pleased
with the job she did, ...well...maybe she should back off and let you
try something new.

-=-=-=-=-=-

She's recently lost her interest after being
really keen last year. Is it just a faze?

-=-=-=-

Maybe. Would you be disappointed if it's not?

-=-=-=-

Will she pick it up again later?

-=-=-=-

Maybe. Would you be disappointed if she didn't?

-=-=-=-=-

Should I continue the lessons but leave the practice up to her?

-=-=-=-=-

How can you force someone to love the piano?

Cameron plays drums and sometimes seems obsessed with them and other
times dismissive. He sometimes asks for lessons and other times tells
Danny (the teacher) that he needs a break. Sometimes he plays until is
hands ache; other days he doesn't even go out to the music room.

He always seems to be getting better, not worse. In fact, often after
the break, his skills have improved *magically*.

Can she leave the lessons for a while and ask for them later? Does it
have to be one or the other?

-=-=-=-=-=-

Look, basically, are you sure it works?

-=-=-=-=-

Am I sure unschooling works? Definitely.

Are you sure *school* works?

-=-=-=-=-

What kind of kid will she turn out to be????

-=-=-=-=-

First---I can't tell you anything about your kid.

Second---are you trying to "turn out" something in particular?

Third---wouldn't it be great to just give her a wondrous, joyful
childhood? Is that not enough??

~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Andrew and Cecily Paterson

Thank you! I appreciate that list and the answers from everyone else too.

After meeting some of the local homeschoolers today, I feel even more at
ease!

Cheers, Cecily



From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Pamela Sorooshian
Sent: Wednesday, 20 February 2008 4:33 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Make my anxiety go away



My WeightWatchers leader suggested that we go home and make a list of
100 things we've accomplished in our life. I won't go into the reason
for doing that, but I mentioned it to my 17 year old, and that started
a conversation between us about the things she felt good about having
accomplished in her life. Some of the things she listed:

- starting karate training
- getting her brown belt
- getting her black belt
- auditioning for a dance concert
- learning to do certain really difficult dance steps
- earning her Girl Scout Bronze award and Silver award
- getting her Girl Scout Gold award project approved
- writing two NaNoWriMo novels
- writing a screenplay
- writing 30,000 words in one day

What I noticed about her list was that starting karate training and
auditioning for the dance concert required her to step outside her
comfort zone, but all the rest of them required a great deal of
perseverance and, yes, working through discomfort and sometimes
outright pain.

>
> > do unschooled children learn to be perseverative and
> > persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the
> > time, if they
> > are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?

-pam

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

jenniferbreseman

Very impressive! I encourage other experienced users to brag, brag,
brag about their kids. It is so reassuring to us newbie's who can't
imagine our little ones getting out from in from Blues Clues.


--- In [email protected], Pamela Sorooshian
<pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
> My WeightWatchers leader suggested that we go home and make a list
of
> 100 things we've accomplished in our life. I won't go into the
reason
> for doing that, but I mentioned it to my 17 year old, and that
started
> a conversation between us about the things she felt good about
having
> accomplished in her life. Some of the things she listed:
>
> - starting karate training
> - getting her brown belt
> - getting her black belt
> - auditioning for a dance concert
> - learning to do certain really difficult dance steps
> - earning her Girl Scout Bronze award and Silver award
> - getting her Girl Scout Gold award project approved
> - writing two NaNoWriMo novels
> - writing a screenplay
> - writing 30,000 words in one day
>
> What I noticed about her list was that starting karate training
and
> auditioning for the dance concert required her to step outside her
> comfort zone, but all the rest of them required a great deal of
> perseverance and, yes, working through discomfort and sometimes
> outright pain.
>
>
> >
> > > do unschooled children learn to be perseverative and
> > > persistent even on things they don't particularly enjoy at the
> > > time, if they
> > > are convinced by the gain once through the pain, so to speak?
>
>
> -pam
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Pamela Sorooshian

On Feb 20, 2008, at 5:36 AM, jenniferbreseman wrote:

> Very impressive! I encourage other experienced users to brag, brag,
> brag about their kids. It is so reassuring to us newbie's who can't
> imagine our little ones getting out from in from Blues Clues.


LOL - I well remember those days. Rosie watched "Arthur" - hours and
hours of Arthur. And - we supported that interest strongly by playing
Arthur with her, getting her all the little Arthur books, getting the
Arthur dolls, getting her an Arthur lunchbox to carry around some of
her books. I found the author's website and we found games and
coloring pages and Target carried Arthur activity books. There was
even a phone number you could call and hear a "message" from the
author in which he talked about the book he was currently writing. On
and on...we lived and breathed Arthur.

The other day she put some music from an Arthur episode on a cd mix
she was making for her karate studio. As she was playing it, she said,
to her dad, "Hey, that's Art Garfunkel singing - you like him, right?"
<G>

Providing STRONG support for whatever the child's interest is - Blues
Clues or Arthur or karate or dance or making potions out of leaves and
dirt or climbing walls or drawing cartoons or whatever - is the key to
happy and productive unschooling! I've told stories before about
supporting my middle daughter's interest in CATS, the musical. Let's
just say we saw that show live about 10 times, in full costume and
makeup, driving hours to get to a where it was being performed. We
watched the video maybe hundreds of times. And much much more. It led
to so many other interests, led us down so many paths I could never
have imagined. That daughter is now in France, living there for 3
months, studying history, films, and creative writing, and spending
every spare minute at museums, shows, historic sites. I can look back
and see how supporting CATS paved the way for the her to be where she
is now.

Eve though you can't predict the future, the best preparation for a
rich and wonderful future life is - tadaa - living a rich and
wonderful present life!

-pam

-pam

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]