jealous husband
guideforthree
My dh is jealous of the lifestyle the kids and I have. He envies our
freedom, especially our sleep schedule (he has to be at work at
5:30am), and he feels like he misses out on a lot of our fun. He owns
this issue, and he has no desire to change our lifestyle. Does anyone
have any suggestions on what I can do to help him with these feelings?
tina
freedom, especially our sleep schedule (he has to be at work at
5:30am), and he feels like he misses out on a lot of our fun. He owns
this issue, and he has no desire to change our lifestyle. Does anyone
have any suggestions on what I can do to help him with these feelings?
tina
Kathleen Gehrke
--- In [email protected], "guideforthree"
<guideforthree@...> wrote:
My dh is like your a hard worker who gives us a comfortable living to
let us have this life style..
For my part I say thank you , thank you. I let him know how much I
appreciate him. I also try to plan things I know he will love when he
is able to be home.
When we discuss a trip or an outing we ask. We currently have a ski day
planned and are waiting for dh schedule to open up to he can come too.
I am not a slope bunny<BWG> but the kids will LOVE skiing with their
dad.
Ask dh what he is missing. Help him look at how to get more of what he
is desiring.
Hope that was at least a bit helpful.
kathleen
<guideforthree@...> wrote:
>owns
> My dh is jealous of the lifestyle the kids and I have. He envies our
> freedom, especially our sleep schedule (he has to be at work at
> 5:30am), and he feels like he misses out on a lot of our fun. He
> this issue, and he has no desire to change our lifestyle. Doesanyone
> have any suggestions on what I can do to help him with thesefeelings?
>Tina,
> tina
>
My dh is like your a hard worker who gives us a comfortable living to
let us have this life style..
For my part I say thank you , thank you. I let him know how much I
appreciate him. I also try to plan things I know he will love when he
is able to be home.
When we discuss a trip or an outing we ask. We currently have a ski day
planned and are waiting for dh schedule to open up to he can come too.
I am not a slope bunny<BWG> but the kids will LOVE skiing with their
dad.
Ask dh what he is missing. Help him look at how to get more of what he
is desiring.
Hope that was at least a bit helpful.
kathleen
ENSEMBLE S-WAYNFORTH
One of the things that I would imagine would help me if I were spending days away from Simon and Linnaea would be lots of pictures and e-mails so that I could feel more involved. Just little notes throughout the day, scanned drawings, things that would let me know that even though I wasn't there I was involved, my family was thinking about me, and not having to play so much catch up when I got home.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
---
In
[email protected],
"guideforthree"
<guideforthree@...>
wrote:
dh
is
jealous
of
the
lifestyle
the
kids
and
I
have.
He
envies
our
especially
our
sleep
schedule
(he
has
to
be
at
work
at
and
he
feels
like
he
misses
out
on
a
lot
of
our
fun.
He
owns
issue,
and
he
has
no
desire
to
change
our
lifestyle.
Does
anyone
any
suggestions
on
what
I
can
do
to
help
him
with
these
feelings?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
---
In
[email protected],
"guideforthree"
<guideforthree@...>
wrote:
>My
>
dh
is
jealous
of
the
lifestyle
the
kids
and
I
have.
He
envies
our
>freedom,
especially
our
sleep
schedule
(he
has
to
be
at
work
at
>5:30am),
and
he
feels
like
he
misses
out
on
a
lot
of
our
fun.
He
owns
>this
issue,
and
he
has
no
desire
to
change
our
lifestyle.
Does
anyone
>have
any
suggestions
on
what
I
can
do
to
help
him
with
these
feelings?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
shari bergquist
Oh I so totally feel ya here. I could have written your post. I tell my
hubby thank you constantly and I call him once a day and pretty much
everyone talks to him. He reads my oldest daughters blog everyday and says
that helps him feel connected with her. I can't wait to hear what everyone
else has to say. Shari
On Thu, Feb 14, 2008 at 11:25 PM, guideforthree <guideforthree@...>
wrote:
Shari Bergquist
Independent Stampin' Up Demonstrator
www.sharibergquist.stampinup.net
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hubby thank you constantly and I call him once a day and pretty much
everyone talks to him. He reads my oldest daughters blog everyday and says
that helps him feel connected with her. I can't wait to hear what everyone
else has to say. Shari
On Thu, Feb 14, 2008 at 11:25 PM, guideforthree <guideforthree@...>
wrote:
> My dh is jealous of the lifestyle the kids and I have. He envies our--
> freedom, especially our sleep schedule (he has to be at work at
> 5:30am), and he feels like he misses out on a lot of our fun. He owns
> this issue, and he has no desire to change our lifestyle. Does anyone
> have any suggestions on what I can do to help him with these feelings?
>
> tina
>
>
>
Shari Bergquist
Independent Stampin' Up Demonstrator
www.sharibergquist.stampinup.net
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
DH has said that - things that helped included acknowledging the
feelings (letting him talk without interrupting, not trying to change
his feelings, etc - same as we'd do for the kids). Appreciating the
situation is important too - I know that it helps me feel better about
being the WOH parent knowing that DH recognizes that my going to work
allows for the lifestyle we all enjoy - it gets verbalized, not just
assumed. Then, we talked about how he *can* get the things he wants, the
things he wished he had now and things he wishes he'd had when he was a
kid (the same kind of respect, autonomy, freedom, etc). Things to
discuss might include:
-Does he "have to" keep this job if the hours are causing problems? I
know changing jobs is not always readily available or easy but put it
out on the table at least. Feeling like he's got a choice is important -
even if you together choose to stick with the current employment
situation, just knowing it IS a choice is important.
-Are there ways he can work with his employer/boss to maybe have at
least a couple days per week that he can shift it by a little bit? Maybe
start at 7:30 am instead of 5:30?
-Does he get more time late in the day because he goes in so early (as
in starting at 5:30 am means he's home by 3 in the afternoon)?
-Does he work longer shifts/shorter week (four 10 hr shifts for
example)? If so, can you and the kids plan to include him more on his
off days - maybe not schedule many "events" for those days (move the
guitar lessons to a different day for instance) so that he can have more
general time with everyone?
-Does he get vacation time he can use 'creatively'? For instance, this
year, instead of one big vacation, I'm going to take most of my vacation
time as one or two day bits to make 3 or 4 day weekends. That way we can
have fun some way almost every month (any months that don't have a built
in Monday holiday get a vacation day 'holiday'). I also (back when we
did field trips more often with a local hs group) would plan for one or
two days per year to take off and go with them (the 'big' trips like the
Bronx Zoo).
-Are there ways you can communicate with him during the day to keep him
'in the loop' at least? Some folks use private blogs so that the away
from home parent can log in whenever they get a chance to see what's up.
We deliberately chose cell phones with decent cameras (even though
slightly more expensive) so that when my guys are out and about, they
can message me with pictures of things that are fun - snakes and lizards
in the backyard, the submarine they visited on a field trip to the naval
sub base/submarine museum, neat waterfalls on local hiking trails, etc.
Once you discuss things with your DH, maybe have a family meeting to get
creative with it - if his biggest concern is not being connected to the
stuff you're doing, discuss ways to include him - whether it's lots of
photos, a blog, phone calls (I usually call/get called at least twice
per day when I'm at work), creatively scheduling the 'fun' stuff so that
DH can participate some of the time, etc.
Deb
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feelings (letting him talk without interrupting, not trying to change
his feelings, etc - same as we'd do for the kids). Appreciating the
situation is important too - I know that it helps me feel better about
being the WOH parent knowing that DH recognizes that my going to work
allows for the lifestyle we all enjoy - it gets verbalized, not just
assumed. Then, we talked about how he *can* get the things he wants, the
things he wished he had now and things he wishes he'd had when he was a
kid (the same kind of respect, autonomy, freedom, etc). Things to
discuss might include:
-Does he "have to" keep this job if the hours are causing problems? I
know changing jobs is not always readily available or easy but put it
out on the table at least. Feeling like he's got a choice is important -
even if you together choose to stick with the current employment
situation, just knowing it IS a choice is important.
-Are there ways he can work with his employer/boss to maybe have at
least a couple days per week that he can shift it by a little bit? Maybe
start at 7:30 am instead of 5:30?
-Does he get more time late in the day because he goes in so early (as
in starting at 5:30 am means he's home by 3 in the afternoon)?
-Does he work longer shifts/shorter week (four 10 hr shifts for
example)? If so, can you and the kids plan to include him more on his
off days - maybe not schedule many "events" for those days (move the
guitar lessons to a different day for instance) so that he can have more
general time with everyone?
-Does he get vacation time he can use 'creatively'? For instance, this
year, instead of one big vacation, I'm going to take most of my vacation
time as one or two day bits to make 3 or 4 day weekends. That way we can
have fun some way almost every month (any months that don't have a built
in Monday holiday get a vacation day 'holiday'). I also (back when we
did field trips more often with a local hs group) would plan for one or
two days per year to take off and go with them (the 'big' trips like the
Bronx Zoo).
-Are there ways you can communicate with him during the day to keep him
'in the loop' at least? Some folks use private blogs so that the away
from home parent can log in whenever they get a chance to see what's up.
We deliberately chose cell phones with decent cameras (even though
slightly more expensive) so that when my guys are out and about, they
can message me with pictures of things that are fun - snakes and lizards
in the backyard, the submarine they visited on a field trip to the naval
sub base/submarine museum, neat waterfalls on local hiking trails, etc.
Once you discuss things with your DH, maybe have a family meeting to get
creative with it - if his biggest concern is not being connected to the
stuff you're doing, discuss ways to include him - whether it's lots of
photos, a blog, phone calls (I usually call/get called at least twice
per day when I'm at work), creatively scheduling the 'fun' stuff so that
DH can participate some of the time, etc.
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
guideforthree
**-Does he "have to" keep this job if the hours are causing problems?
**
This is actually a new job, and a vast improvement over the old one.
He actually gets Saturday and Sunday off now. He used to work 7 days
a week. He actually likes the company he works for now.
**-Are there ways he can work with his employer/boss to maybe have at
least a couple days per week that he can shift it by a little bit?
Maybe start at 7:30 am instead of 5:30?**
It's funny how the universe works. When I wrote my original post, he
was a shift supervisor - there is no chance for shifting hours in
that position. The very next day after I wrote the post he found out
he was being moved to quality control. He should be starting his day
a little later now.
***maybe not schedule many "events" for those days (move the guitar
lessons to a different day for instance) so that he can have more
general time with everyone?****
Thanks for this big eye opener. I realized I was over-scheduling
saturdays. This is his one day to do what he wants, and I tend to
plan some big family thing on this day. He either has to do what I
pick or get left at home alone. He really wants to use the first
half of the day to do things around the house, and the second half to
do fun stuff with the family (not something I prescheduled without
asking him). So, today I threw out the museum trip I had planned,
let him sleep in as late as he wanted, helped him when he asked for
it, and respected the choices he made about how to spend his time.
Funny - he just wants to be treated the same as the kids.
***-Does he get vacation time he can use 'creatively'? For instance,
this year, instead of one big vacation, I'm going to take most of my
vacation time as one or two day bits to make 3 or 4 day weekends.
That way we can have fun some way almost every month (any months that
don't have a built in Monday holiday get a vacation
day 'holiday').***
This is a great idea. He's already scheduled vacation for the L&L
conference, and the mill tends to shut down around major holidays.
He has several other vacation days just waiting to be used. He could
schedule these days randomly throughout the year as days to do
whatever he wants to do. He really doesn't get to do what he wants
to do very much.
Thanks for helping me get to the heart of the issue. I am actually
causing the problem by not allowing my dh to make his own choices
about how to spend his days off from work. This is definately
something I can change.
tina
**
This is actually a new job, and a vast improvement over the old one.
He actually gets Saturday and Sunday off now. He used to work 7 days
a week. He actually likes the company he works for now.
**-Are there ways he can work with his employer/boss to maybe have at
least a couple days per week that he can shift it by a little bit?
Maybe start at 7:30 am instead of 5:30?**
It's funny how the universe works. When I wrote my original post, he
was a shift supervisor - there is no chance for shifting hours in
that position. The very next day after I wrote the post he found out
he was being moved to quality control. He should be starting his day
a little later now.
***maybe not schedule many "events" for those days (move the guitar
lessons to a different day for instance) so that he can have more
general time with everyone?****
Thanks for this big eye opener. I realized I was over-scheduling
saturdays. This is his one day to do what he wants, and I tend to
plan some big family thing on this day. He either has to do what I
pick or get left at home alone. He really wants to use the first
half of the day to do things around the house, and the second half to
do fun stuff with the family (not something I prescheduled without
asking him). So, today I threw out the museum trip I had planned,
let him sleep in as late as he wanted, helped him when he asked for
it, and respected the choices he made about how to spend his time.
Funny - he just wants to be treated the same as the kids.
***-Does he get vacation time he can use 'creatively'? For instance,
this year, instead of one big vacation, I'm going to take most of my
vacation time as one or two day bits to make 3 or 4 day weekends.
That way we can have fun some way almost every month (any months that
don't have a built in Monday holiday get a vacation
day 'holiday').***
This is a great idea. He's already scheduled vacation for the L&L
conference, and the mill tends to shut down around major holidays.
He has several other vacation days just waiting to be used. He could
schedule these days randomly throughout the year as days to do
whatever he wants to do. He really doesn't get to do what he wants
to do very much.
Thanks for helping me get to the heart of the issue. I am actually
causing the problem by not allowing my dh to make his own choices
about how to spend his days off from work. This is definately
something I can change.
tina
Debra Rossing
>He's already scheduled vacation for the L&L conference,CooL! We'll see you there! DH is pretty easy to spot - 6' tall, looks a
lot like a youngish Santa Claus (full facial fur and all but still
reddish not white yet).
Deb
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Debra Rossing
Oh BTW forgot to mention that I do software testing and have pretty much
since 1990 (with a gap around 1997-1999 when DS was born).
Deb
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since 1990 (with a gap around 1997-1999 when DS was born).
Deb
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This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
CNC Software, Inc.
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