Help me let go
Amanda Horein
When you feel yourself in a controlling mood, how do you let go? I have been
in quite the controlling mood this morning and I recognize it, but I can't
stop it. It feels awful and I am trying, but...
--
Amanda
Wife to Roger (together 10 years)
Mum to Marti (7.5) and Lilly (4)
Babysitter to Stella (3.5)
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
"What you give to your children enriches them. What you withhold from them
impoverishes them."
My love to Uncle Jesse's family. Know that I love and miss him.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
in quite the controlling mood this morning and I recognize it, but I can't
stop it. It feels awful and I am trying, but...
--
Amanda
Wife to Roger (together 10 years)
Mum to Marti (7.5) and Lilly (4)
Babysitter to Stella (3.5)
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
"What you give to your children enriches them. What you withhold from them
impoverishes them."
My love to Uncle Jesse's family. Know that I love and miss him.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
marji
Hi, Amanda,
I have noticed that when I'm feeling a powerful need to control other
folks it's because there's something inside me that feels out of
control. When I shift my focus to what feels out of control inside
my own skin, EVERYONE is better off! ;-)
I hope that helps!
~Marji
At 08:36 2/14/2008, you wrote:
http://www.joyfullyparenting.com
Live Fully ~ Live JoyFully!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have noticed that when I'm feeling a powerful need to control other
folks it's because there's something inside me that feels out of
control. When I shift my focus to what feels out of control inside
my own skin, EVERYONE is better off! ;-)
I hope that helps!
~Marji
At 08:36 2/14/2008, you wrote:
>When you feel yourself in a controlling mood, how do you let go? I have been~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>in quite the controlling mood this morning and I recognize it, but I can't
>stop it. It feels awful and I am trying, but...
http://www.joyfullyparenting.com
Live Fully ~ Live JoyFully!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
One of the Wechts
> When you feel yourself in a controlling mood, how do you let go? I have*****************************************************************
> been
> in quite the controlling mood this morning and I recognize it, but I can't
> stop it. It feels awful and I am trying, but...
>
> --
> Amanda
Forgive yourself. Realize that by acknowledging that you need to change,
you are making
HUGE progress! Kind of like AA. The first step is to admit you have a
problem : )
Things that have helped me...
1. Breathe and Breathe some more.
2 Acknowledge it out loud to the kids and rewind the event. "Gee that was
not very nice to
interrupt your game...I am sorry." Also, I note my real "agenda" so to
speak
(maybe it is just too loud in the room) and ask the kids for help when
appropriate.
3. Find something that you CAN control and go to it...
Rearrange your spice shelf, sort and toss clothes for Goodwill, or go pull
weeds...
Hang in there,
Beth in MD
Where it took a resilient (and thankfully forgiving) 6ft 2in teen to make me
rethink
the illusion of control. During an argument, I sent him to his room and at
that moment I had an epiphany if sorts and I realized how absurd it all
was...
michmdmama
I had that thought. Shifting my focus in the middle of the chaos of
this morning (we were planning on going to the library so I had to get
everyone up and around, breakfast and lunch in the crockpot with kids
fighting) was near impossible. I sent dh out with the kids though, so
maybe I will be able to do that now.
Amanda
this morning (we were planning on going to the library so I had to get
everyone up and around, breakfast and lunch in the crockpot with kids
fighting) was near impossible. I sent dh out with the kids though, so
maybe I will be able to do that now.
Amanda
--- In [email protected], marji <marji@...> wrote:
>
> Hi, Amanda,
>
> I have noticed that when I'm feeling a powerful need to control other
> folks it's because there's something inside me that feels out of
> control. When I shift my focus to what feels out of control inside
> my own skin, EVERYONE is better off! ;-)
>
> I hope that helps!
>
> ~Marji
Debra Rossing
>Find something that you CAN control and go to it...Rearrange your spiceshelf, sort and toss clothes for Goodwill, or go pull weeds...
I make lists and spreadsheets...right guys?! (lol folks who have been on
the L&L group and such have seen my packing lists - which I start in
January!)
I second the idea of looking inside and breathing and figuring out what
it is that feels out of control. I've been doing this a lot recently
since FIL has been in the hospital since Dec 2, 2007 and that's thrown
everything into a tizzy - into ICU out of ICU into ICU out of ICU
improving sliding back improving sliding back. Lots of stuff out of my
control - his medical condition, his attitude (he's convinced he's going
to die any day now), MIL's attitude (convinced that he's going to die,
scared to death he's right, convinced she 'can't' handle the paperwork
and all) - argh!
Deb
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
CNC Software, Inc.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
michmdmama
I think *part* of the problem might be the following.
Lilly and Stella are fighting again today (they were fighting
yesterday as well).
Lilly is my 4 year old. Stella is the 3 year old that we babysit.
Lilly doesn't want Stella around. Today. I don't know what to do on
days like this. Most of the time they play fine together. In fact,
most of the time Lilly WANTS Stella to come over to play. The last two
days though, Lilly wants "alone time" which really means time without
Stella. I can understand that need, but I can't just call her mom up
and say "Lilly wants alone time, find another sitter for Stella
today", you know?
I think there are more reasons that I am grumpy (like an issue with dh
that I am hoping the peacefulpartnerships group can help me out with),
but this is one of the issues.
Amanda
--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
Lilly and Stella are fighting again today (they were fighting
yesterday as well).
Lilly is my 4 year old. Stella is the 3 year old that we babysit.
Lilly doesn't want Stella around. Today. I don't know what to do on
days like this. Most of the time they play fine together. In fact,
most of the time Lilly WANTS Stella to come over to play. The last two
days though, Lilly wants "alone time" which really means time without
Stella. I can understand that need, but I can't just call her mom up
and say "Lilly wants alone time, find another sitter for Stella
today", you know?
I think there are more reasons that I am grumpy (like an issue with dh
that I am hoping the peacefulpartnerships group can help me out with),
but this is one of the issues.
Amanda
--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
<debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>
> >Find something that you CAN control and go to it...Rearrange your spice
> shelf, sort and toss clothes for Goodwill, or go pull weeds...
>
> I make lists and spreadsheets...right guys?! (lol folks who have been on
> the L&L group and such have seen my packing lists - which I start in
> January!)
> I second the idea of looking inside and breathing and figuring out what
> it is that feels out of control.
Jodi Bezzola
Hi Amanda,
I can really relate to your situation. My twin 3 year olds fight a *lot*. They want space too which we try to give them in the evening when there's more than one adult here. I know when there is a lot of confict between my girls (it goes in spurts for sure) I feel my old controlling self rearing its' ugly head. I want them to just stop fighting and listen to me, dammit! <G>
I've noticed often lately, since dh and I are also working through lots of stuff (and so am I personally) that when there is intense emotion, shifts, etc. moving through me (and I don't have the luxury in that moment of going off by myself to sit by the water with my journal!), that is a time I have to really be conscious that the frustration and anger and impatience is all about what's going on inside me and not with my kids. This helps immensely for me not to blow up at them. I had some bodywork done on the weekend, and I was very aware that Monday and Tuesday I was having a very challenging time just being with their unpredictable, boisterous, power-struggling little selves.
A person close to me recommended that I "breathe & pray" in those moments. Yes, I am unable to find solitude (which I *love*), and self-care doesn't presently look anything like what it did pre-children, but I can always, in that moment, just breathe and pray. I pray to the universe, I pray to my higher power, I pray to nature, I pray to my children, I pray to whatever I'm moved to pray to in that moment. And it's working. Thank god.
So for what it's worth, that's what is working for me!
Jodi
---------------------------------
Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I can really relate to your situation. My twin 3 year olds fight a *lot*. They want space too which we try to give them in the evening when there's more than one adult here. I know when there is a lot of confict between my girls (it goes in spurts for sure) I feel my old controlling self rearing its' ugly head. I want them to just stop fighting and listen to me, dammit! <G>
I've noticed often lately, since dh and I are also working through lots of stuff (and so am I personally) that when there is intense emotion, shifts, etc. moving through me (and I don't have the luxury in that moment of going off by myself to sit by the water with my journal!), that is a time I have to really be conscious that the frustration and anger and impatience is all about what's going on inside me and not with my kids. This helps immensely for me not to blow up at them. I had some bodywork done on the weekend, and I was very aware that Monday and Tuesday I was having a very challenging time just being with their unpredictable, boisterous, power-struggling little selves.
A person close to me recommended that I "breathe & pray" in those moments. Yes, I am unable to find solitude (which I *love*), and self-care doesn't presently look anything like what it did pre-children, but I can always, in that moment, just breathe and pray. I pray to the universe, I pray to my higher power, I pray to nature, I pray to my children, I pray to whatever I'm moved to pray to in that moment. And it's working. Thank god.
So for what it's worth, that's what is working for me!
Jodi
---------------------------------
Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
Can someone please educate me a little on how Autism is diagnosed?
Jodi
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Michelle Thedaker
Jodi,
I'm sure there are many avenues to take here, but I will share what we did.
We started with our pediatrician, who didn't believe me. But he *did* get
us a referral to a speech therapist, and *she* immediately saw that Drew was
likely Autistic. We then went to a psychologist at our HMO would did an
assessment on Drew - just watching him play, etc. No medical tests or
anything. He determined Drew to be mild to moderately Autistic (he was
about 2.5 at the time). We also went through what's called the Regional
Center in my area, which is a state run organization for people with
disabilities. They also did an assessment (again observing how Drew played,
etc) and concurred with the psychologist's diagnosis. I know other people
who continued the path to psychiatrists, neurologists, etc. with more
medical tests and such. We felt comfortable with the basic diagnosis we
received and went from there. In our case, Drew went to a therapy based
preschool for 2.5 years. It was wonderful, even though he was gone several
hours a day. Not sure if I would do it over again or not (i.e. if I'd
choose to keep him home instead). But honestly, at that time, I needed some
help figuring out what was what and how to help him. And, to be
*completely* honest, I was burned out horribly and appreciated the break
during the day for a while. In any case, that's how we did it, whether it
was the *best* way or not, it has all worked out. :-)
Hope that helps a bit.
Shell & Da Boys
Drew, 8.5 and Josh, 4.5
www.thedaker.blogspot.com
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you
love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Jodi Bezzola
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 10:05 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Diagnosing Autism
Can someone please educate me a little on how Autism is diagnosed?
Jodi
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm sure there are many avenues to take here, but I will share what we did.
We started with our pediatrician, who didn't believe me. But he *did* get
us a referral to a speech therapist, and *she* immediately saw that Drew was
likely Autistic. We then went to a psychologist at our HMO would did an
assessment on Drew - just watching him play, etc. No medical tests or
anything. He determined Drew to be mild to moderately Autistic (he was
about 2.5 at the time). We also went through what's called the Regional
Center in my area, which is a state run organization for people with
disabilities. They also did an assessment (again observing how Drew played,
etc) and concurred with the psychologist's diagnosis. I know other people
who continued the path to psychiatrists, neurologists, etc. with more
medical tests and such. We felt comfortable with the basic diagnosis we
received and went from there. In our case, Drew went to a therapy based
preschool for 2.5 years. It was wonderful, even though he was gone several
hours a day. Not sure if I would do it over again or not (i.e. if I'd
choose to keep him home instead). But honestly, at that time, I needed some
help figuring out what was what and how to help him. And, to be
*completely* honest, I was burned out horribly and appreciated the break
during the day for a while. In any case, that's how we did it, whether it
was the *best* way or not, it has all worked out. :-)
Hope that helps a bit.
Shell & Da Boys
Drew, 8.5 and Josh, 4.5
www.thedaker.blogspot.com
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you
love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Jodi Bezzola
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 10:05 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Diagnosing Autism
Can someone please educate me a little on how Autism is diagnosed?
Jodi
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
Thanks for sharing your experience. Can you tell me what it was about him/his behaviour that led you to believe this was an appropriate diagnosis?
Michelle Thedaker <pamperedthed@...> wrote: Jodi,
I'm sure there are many avenues to take here, but I will share what we did.
We started with our pediatrician, who didn't believe me. But he *did* get
us a referral to a speech therapist, and *she* immediately saw that Drew was
likely Autistic. We then went to a psychologist at our HMO would did an
assessment on Drew - just watching him play, etc. No medical tests or
anything. He determined Drew to be mild to moderately Autistic (he was
about 2.5 at the time). We also went through what's called the Regional
Center in my area, which is a state run organization for people with
disabilities. They also did an assessment (again observing how Drew played,
etc) and concurred with the psychologist's diagnosis. I know other people
who continued the path to psychiatrists, neurologists, etc. with more
medical tests and such. We felt comfortable with the basic diagnosis we
received and went from there. In our case, Drew went to a therapy based
preschool for 2.5 years. It was wonderful, even though he was gone several
hours a day. Not sure if I would do it over again or not (i.e. if I'd
choose to keep him home instead). But honestly, at that time, I needed some
help figuring out what was what and how to help him. And, to be
*completely* honest, I was burned out horribly and appreciated the break
during the day for a while. In any case, that's how we did it, whether it
was the *best* way or not, it has all worked out. :-)
Hope that helps a bit.
Shell & Da Boys
Drew, 8.5 and Josh, 4.5
www.thedaker.blogspot.com
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you
love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Jodi Bezzola
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 10:05 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Diagnosing Autism
Can someone please educate me a little on how Autism is diagnosed?
Jodi
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Michelle Thedaker <pamperedthed@...> wrote: Jodi,
I'm sure there are many avenues to take here, but I will share what we did.
We started with our pediatrician, who didn't believe me. But he *did* get
us a referral to a speech therapist, and *she* immediately saw that Drew was
likely Autistic. We then went to a psychologist at our HMO would did an
assessment on Drew - just watching him play, etc. No medical tests or
anything. He determined Drew to be mild to moderately Autistic (he was
about 2.5 at the time). We also went through what's called the Regional
Center in my area, which is a state run organization for people with
disabilities. They also did an assessment (again observing how Drew played,
etc) and concurred with the psychologist's diagnosis. I know other people
who continued the path to psychiatrists, neurologists, etc. with more
medical tests and such. We felt comfortable with the basic diagnosis we
received and went from there. In our case, Drew went to a therapy based
preschool for 2.5 years. It was wonderful, even though he was gone several
hours a day. Not sure if I would do it over again or not (i.e. if I'd
choose to keep him home instead). But honestly, at that time, I needed some
help figuring out what was what and how to help him. And, to be
*completely* honest, I was burned out horribly and appreciated the break
during the day for a while. In any case, that's how we did it, whether it
was the *best* way or not, it has all worked out. :-)
Hope that helps a bit.
Shell & Da Boys
Drew, 8.5 and Josh, 4.5
www.thedaker.blogspot.com
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you
love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Jodi Bezzola
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 10:05 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Diagnosing Autism
Can someone please educate me a little on how Autism is diagnosed?
Jodi
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Michelle Thedaker
Drew was a very high-needs infant, who grew into a *very* high-needs
toddler. He never seemed to be able to live comfortably in his environment,
if that makes sense. I held him in a sling practically all day, because if
you put him down for any time at all, he would be hysterical to the point of
making himself physically ill. He slept with us and nursed nearly nonstop
for several years. I was told *so* many times that it was habit, I was
coddling him, etc. But I could tell he *needed* that, he literally could
not assimilate to his world without it. As he grew into toddlerhood and the
preschool ages, he would learn a word, say it once, then never utter it
again. Noises, temperatures, physical sensation - all were very difficult
for him to tolerate. Around 2 years old he completely stopped interacting
with us at all. He wouldn't look at anyone, nor respond to anyone. If you
were in the room, he treated you like a piece of furniture. It was like
nothing existed in the outside world for him at that time. That's when we
decided to seek a diagnosis.
I'll go on to say that today, at 8.5 years old, hardly anyone who doesn't
already known him well would know he was Autistic. He is a wonderful,
happy, funny, intelligent, shiney boy and I'm so glad we decided years ago
to bring him home where he can Shine his heart out! :-)
Shell & Da Boys
Drew, 8.5 and Josh, 4.5
www.thedaker.blogspot.com
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you
love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Jodi Bezzola
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 12:10 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] Diagnosing Autism
Thanks for sharing your experience. Can you tell me what it was about
him/his behaviour that led you to believe this was an appropriate diagnosis?
Michelle Thedaker <pamperedthed@ <mailto:pamperedthed%40yahoo.com>
yahoo.com> wrote: Jodi,
I'm sure there are many avenues to take here, but I will share what we did.
We started with our pediatrician, who didn't believe me. But he *did* get
us a referral to a speech therapist, and *she* immediately saw that Drew was
likely Autistic. We then went to a psychologist at our HMO would did an
assessment on Drew - just watching him play, etc. No medical tests or
anything. He determined Drew to be mild to moderately Autistic (he was
about 2.5 at the time). We also went through what's called the Regional
Center in my area, which is a state run organization for people with
disabilities. They also did an assessment (again observing how Drew played,
etc) and concurred with the psychologist's diagnosis. I know other people
who continued the path to psychiatrists, neurologists, etc. with more
medical tests and such. We felt comfortable with the basic diagnosis we
received and went from there. In our case, Drew went to a therapy based
preschool for 2.5 years. It was wonderful, even though he was gone several
hours a day. Not sure if I would do it over again or not (i.e. if I'd
choose to keep him home instead). But honestly, at that time, I needed some
help figuring out what was what and how to help him. And, to be
*completely* honest, I was burned out horribly and appreciated the break
during the day for a while. In any case, that's how we did it, whether it
was the *best* way or not, it has all worked out. :-)
Hope that helps a bit.
Shell & Da Boys
Drew, 8.5 and Josh, 4.5
www.thedaker.blogspot.com
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you
love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving
_____
From: unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com
[mailto:unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Jodi Bezzola
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 10:05 AM
To: unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Diagnosing Autism
Can someone please educate me a little on how Autism is diagnosed?
Jodi
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
toddler. He never seemed to be able to live comfortably in his environment,
if that makes sense. I held him in a sling practically all day, because if
you put him down for any time at all, he would be hysterical to the point of
making himself physically ill. He slept with us and nursed nearly nonstop
for several years. I was told *so* many times that it was habit, I was
coddling him, etc. But I could tell he *needed* that, he literally could
not assimilate to his world without it. As he grew into toddlerhood and the
preschool ages, he would learn a word, say it once, then never utter it
again. Noises, temperatures, physical sensation - all were very difficult
for him to tolerate. Around 2 years old he completely stopped interacting
with us at all. He wouldn't look at anyone, nor respond to anyone. If you
were in the room, he treated you like a piece of furniture. It was like
nothing existed in the outside world for him at that time. That's when we
decided to seek a diagnosis.
I'll go on to say that today, at 8.5 years old, hardly anyone who doesn't
already known him well would know he was Autistic. He is a wonderful,
happy, funny, intelligent, shiney boy and I'm so glad we decided years ago
to bring him home where he can Shine his heart out! :-)
Shell & Da Boys
Drew, 8.5 and Josh, 4.5
www.thedaker.blogspot.com
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you
love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Jodi Bezzola
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 12:10 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] Diagnosing Autism
Thanks for sharing your experience. Can you tell me what it was about
him/his behaviour that led you to believe this was an appropriate diagnosis?
Michelle Thedaker <pamperedthed@ <mailto:pamperedthed%40yahoo.com>
yahoo.com> wrote: Jodi,
I'm sure there are many avenues to take here, but I will share what we did.
We started with our pediatrician, who didn't believe me. But he *did* get
us a referral to a speech therapist, and *she* immediately saw that Drew was
likely Autistic. We then went to a psychologist at our HMO would did an
assessment on Drew - just watching him play, etc. No medical tests or
anything. He determined Drew to be mild to moderately Autistic (he was
about 2.5 at the time). We also went through what's called the Regional
Center in my area, which is a state run organization for people with
disabilities. They also did an assessment (again observing how Drew played,
etc) and concurred with the psychologist's diagnosis. I know other people
who continued the path to psychiatrists, neurologists, etc. with more
medical tests and such. We felt comfortable with the basic diagnosis we
received and went from there. In our case, Drew went to a therapy based
preschool for 2.5 years. It was wonderful, even though he was gone several
hours a day. Not sure if I would do it over again or not (i.e. if I'd
choose to keep him home instead). But honestly, at that time, I needed some
help figuring out what was what and how to help him. And, to be
*completely* honest, I was burned out horribly and appreciated the break
during the day for a while. In any case, that's how we did it, whether it
was the *best* way or not, it has all worked out. :-)
Hope that helps a bit.
Shell & Da Boys
Drew, 8.5 and Josh, 4.5
www.thedaker.blogspot.com
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you
love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving
_____
From: unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com
[mailto:unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Jodi Bezzola
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2008 10:05 AM
To: unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Diagnosing Autism
Can someone please educate me a little on how Autism is diagnosed?
Jodi
---------------------------------
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
melissa_hice
Amanda,
Is the peacefulparntership group a yahoo discussion group and if so,
is it the same philosophy that radical unschoolers have?
Melissa
Is the peacefulparntership group a yahoo discussion group and if so,
is it the same philosophy that radical unschoolers have?
Melissa
>dh
> I think there are more reasons that I am grumpy (like an issue with
> that I am hoping the peacefulpartnerships group can help me outwith),
> but this is one of the issues.your spice
>
> Amanda
>
>
> --- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing"
> <debra.rossing@> wrote:
> >
> > >Find something that you CAN control and go to it...Rearrange
> > shelf, sort and toss clothes for Goodwill, or go pull weeds...been on
> >
> > I make lists and spreadsheets...right guys?! (lol folks who have
> > the L&L group and such have seen my packing lists - which I startin
> > January!)out what
> > I second the idea of looking inside and breathing and figuring
> > it is that feels out of control.
>
guideforthree
*** When you feel yourself in a controlling mood, how do you let go?
**
Luckily, I have a very confidant 2yo who just says "NO!" when I get
too controlling, and a 7yo who says, "Why are you being so bossy?"
They really leave me with no where else to go, and they force me to
step back and analyze why this is an issue for me. Once I have
stepped back and figured out why I feel out of control, I can usually
can usually figure out how to solve my problem without infringing on
the rights of others. Often the solution is a good old fashioned
time out (for me, of course). I also encourage my children to tell
me when they think I need some time alone (they usually realize I
have a problem before I do).
My real concern is my 10yo, who is carrying around a lot of baggage
from his early years when I treated him like my personal play-doh. I
modeled some really nasty controlling behavior for him in his early
years, and I am now seeing the results. He feels the need to
control his siblings behavior, especially in public places. He yells
at them and gives orders any time they are acting in a way he feels
is socially unacceptable, even after I let him know they are not
doing anything wrong. He only does this if dad is not around, which
is probably a key detail. He does this in a way that gives the
impression that he does not feel I can handle the situation (whatever
it may be) in a manner he deams appropriate. I know a huge chunk of
his motivation is his knowledge that I don't handle stress very well,
and he is acting as my protector. Basically, he is attempting to
take on too much responsiblity and act in Dad's place when Dad is not
present. In addition, he is still running on the old operating
system, and we are having difficulty updating the programming. Dh
and I both want to know how we can help him understand the old top-
down power hierarchy is no longer valid. How can we help him
understand it is not his job to control anyone but himself?
tina
**
Luckily, I have a very confidant 2yo who just says "NO!" when I get
too controlling, and a 7yo who says, "Why are you being so bossy?"
They really leave me with no where else to go, and they force me to
step back and analyze why this is an issue for me. Once I have
stepped back and figured out why I feel out of control, I can usually
can usually figure out how to solve my problem without infringing on
the rights of others. Often the solution is a good old fashioned
time out (for me, of course). I also encourage my children to tell
me when they think I need some time alone (they usually realize I
have a problem before I do).
My real concern is my 10yo, who is carrying around a lot of baggage
from his early years when I treated him like my personal play-doh. I
modeled some really nasty controlling behavior for him in his early
years, and I am now seeing the results. He feels the need to
control his siblings behavior, especially in public places. He yells
at them and gives orders any time they are acting in a way he feels
is socially unacceptable, even after I let him know they are not
doing anything wrong. He only does this if dad is not around, which
is probably a key detail. He does this in a way that gives the
impression that he does not feel I can handle the situation (whatever
it may be) in a manner he deams appropriate. I know a huge chunk of
his motivation is his knowledge that I don't handle stress very well,
and he is acting as my protector. Basically, he is attempting to
take on too much responsiblity and act in Dad's place when Dad is not
present. In addition, he is still running on the old operating
system, and we are having difficulty updating the programming. Dh
and I both want to know how we can help him understand the old top-
down power hierarchy is no longer valid. How can we help him
understand it is not his job to control anyone but himself?
tina
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: melissa_hice <mhice@...>
Is the peacefulparntership group a yahoo discussion group and if so,
is it the same philosophy that radical unschoolers have?
-=-=-=-
Yes, and a lot of the same members. <g> Many of us have seemed to grasp
the way we want to be with our kids and yet resort to "old" behaviors
with our spouses.
It's a great group!l!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
From: melissa_hice <mhice@...>
Is the peacefulparntership group a yahoo discussion group and if so,
is it the same philosophy that radical unschoolers have?
-=-=-=-
Yes, and a lot of the same members. <g> Many of us have seemed to grasp
the way we want to be with our kids and yet resort to "old" behaviors
with our spouses.
It's a great group!l!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
melissa_hice
Thanks! I've joined and am waiting to be accepted! See you there.
Melissa
__
Melissa
> Is the peacefulparntership group a yahoo discussion group and if so,grasp
> is it the same philosophy that radical unschoolers have?
>
>
> -=-=-=-
>
> Yes, and a lot of the same members. <g> Many of us have seemed to
> the way we want to be with our kids and yet resort to "old"behaviors
> with our spouses.______________________________________________________________________
>
> It's a great group!l!
>
> http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships
>
> ~Kelly
>
> Kelly Lovejoy
> Conference Coordinator
> Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
> http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
>
>
__
> More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
> http://webmail.aol.com
>
Maisha Khalfani
Yes, and a lot of the same members. <g> Many of us have seemed to grasp
the way we want to be with our kids and yet resort to "old" behaviors
with our spouses.
It's a great group!l!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships
~Kelly
Oh I was just going to do a search for such a group! The universe was
listening! I just sent my request to join.
By the way, I'm listening to a tape of Sandra from a L&L conference I think.
The link was posted at Always Unschooled. It's good info. Here's the link:
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
To listen to the tape scroll down to the bottom. But please, please read
the page as well. It's so helpful (at least to me it is)
be at peace,
Maisha
<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
the way we want to be with our kids and yet resort to "old" behaviors
with our spouses.
It's a great group!l!
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships
~Kelly
Oh I was just going to do a search for such a group! The universe was
listening! I just sent my request to join.
By the way, I'm listening to a tape of Sandra from a L&L conference I think.
The link was posted at Always Unschooled. It's good info. Here's the link:
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
To listen to the tape scroll down to the bottom. But please, please read
the page as well. It's so helpful (at least to me it is)
be at peace,
Maisha
<http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/>
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hbmccarty
Hi Tina-
I have been saving this for a while, sorry to be out of sync. It takes
me a long time to get to email!
This reminds me of our home- my son who is 14 , can act this way towards
his younger sister. I don't
know that I have found any really complete solution but I just keep
listening to both their feelings and try to
meet their needs in the situation. He doesn't do this in public places,
only at home. I can see exactly
where it comes from, as he acts like his dad does in his less happy
moments. I can feel pretty helpless and am trying
just to be observant to see what I can learn about the situation. If he
is angry that she has left her belongings all
over the the living space I will acknowledge his anger and offer to
clean up a bit. If he is angry that she
is eating all the whatever I will assure him that we will get more if we
run out, or just try to get a lot of that
particular item. I try to meet his needs in general as much as possible,
which I would do anyway.
I say things like, I know it is frustrating when she does something that
you have learned isn't a good idea for
you to do, and to see her doing something that you would no longer do,
but I don't think it helps her learn if
you try to force her- maybe you could tell her something that would
convince her it isn't a good idea.
(tonight it was eating baked potatoes completely covered in catsup with
her fingers). We talked about why
he didn't like it(it is disgusting and something she is too old to do),
and if there was a real reason to tell her to stop,
and talked about other food people eat with their fingers and that
washing hands is something to consider before eating with your fingers.
It seems to be getting easier, I think. Really I need to be aware and
get up and go see what is going on every
single time I hear that someone is starting to get upset and stay with
it until things are resolved at least as much
as possible. Letting go of assumptions of how anyone should be acting is
helpful. Being in the moment with
them and not just feeling frustrated and giving up.
I would appreciate any suggestions other have also.
Heather
guideforthree wrote:
My real concern is my 10yo, who is carrying around a lot of baggage
from his early years when I treated him like my personal play-doh. I
modeled some really nasty controlling behavior for him in his early
years, and I am now seeing the results. He feels the need to
control his siblings behavior, especially in public places.
How can we help him
understand it is not his job to control anyone but himself?
I have been saving this for a while, sorry to be out of sync. It takes
me a long time to get to email!
This reminds me of our home- my son who is 14 , can act this way towards
his younger sister. I don't
know that I have found any really complete solution but I just keep
listening to both their feelings and try to
meet their needs in the situation. He doesn't do this in public places,
only at home. I can see exactly
where it comes from, as he acts like his dad does in his less happy
moments. I can feel pretty helpless and am trying
just to be observant to see what I can learn about the situation. If he
is angry that she has left her belongings all
over the the living space I will acknowledge his anger and offer to
clean up a bit. If he is angry that she
is eating all the whatever I will assure him that we will get more if we
run out, or just try to get a lot of that
particular item. I try to meet his needs in general as much as possible,
which I would do anyway.
I say things like, I know it is frustrating when she does something that
you have learned isn't a good idea for
you to do, and to see her doing something that you would no longer do,
but I don't think it helps her learn if
you try to force her- maybe you could tell her something that would
convince her it isn't a good idea.
(tonight it was eating baked potatoes completely covered in catsup with
her fingers). We talked about why
he didn't like it(it is disgusting and something she is too old to do),
and if there was a real reason to tell her to stop,
and talked about other food people eat with their fingers and that
washing hands is something to consider before eating with your fingers.
It seems to be getting easier, I think. Really I need to be aware and
get up and go see what is going on every
single time I hear that someone is starting to get upset and stay with
it until things are resolved at least as much
as possible. Letting go of assumptions of how anyone should be acting is
helpful. Being in the moment with
them and not just feeling frustrated and giving up.
I would appreciate any suggestions other have also.
Heather
guideforthree wrote:
My real concern is my 10yo, who is carrying around a lot of baggage
from his early years when I treated him like my personal play-doh. I
modeled some really nasty controlling behavior for him in his early
years, and I am now seeing the results. He feels the need to
control his siblings behavior, especially in public places.
How can we help him
understand it is not his job to control anyone but himself?
guideforthree
Thanks Heather,
This was particularly helpful:
*** I say things like, I know it is frustrating when she does
something that you have learned isn't a good idea for you to do, and
to see her doing something that you would no longer do, but I don't
think it helps her learn if you try to force her- maybe you could
tell her something that would convince her it isn't a good idea.***
Dh and I are really trying to get at the heart of why ds1 is
chastizing his siblings in public. His lack of understanding about
his siblings maturity level may have something to do with it. He
knows why is is not a good idea to hide in the store, therefore (in
his mind) everyone should understand this concept. However, I am
always present when these situations come up, so I would really like
to help him understand that it's not his job to convince them of
anything. It's like he has no faith in my parenting abilities, or at
least it feels that way to me. Some of it could be the fact that his
siblings do things that he used to get in trouble for when he was
little (roll on the floor, etc.). I'm such a different mom now than
I was when he was little, and I am a work in progress. I don't know
that he understands this.
A conversation is definately in order. We need to talk about how the
little guys aren't as mature as he is, and yelling won't make them
any more mature. I definately need to ask him why certain behaviors
bother him. That would be a lot more illuminating than trying to
guess why he is yelling at them.
tina
This was particularly helpful:
*** I say things like, I know it is frustrating when she does
something that you have learned isn't a good idea for you to do, and
to see her doing something that you would no longer do, but I don't
think it helps her learn if you try to force her- maybe you could
tell her something that would convince her it isn't a good idea.***
Dh and I are really trying to get at the heart of why ds1 is
chastizing his siblings in public. His lack of understanding about
his siblings maturity level may have something to do with it. He
knows why is is not a good idea to hide in the store, therefore (in
his mind) everyone should understand this concept. However, I am
always present when these situations come up, so I would really like
to help him understand that it's not his job to convince them of
anything. It's like he has no faith in my parenting abilities, or at
least it feels that way to me. Some of it could be the fact that his
siblings do things that he used to get in trouble for when he was
little (roll on the floor, etc.). I'm such a different mom now than
I was when he was little, and I am a work in progress. I don't know
that he understands this.
A conversation is definately in order. We need to talk about how the
little guys aren't as mature as he is, and yelling won't make them
any more mature. I definately need to ask him why certain behaviors
bother him. That would be a lot more illuminating than trying to
guess why he is yelling at them.
tina