personal boundaries...was: intro. and manners
Ren
"If not, what can I do? My big thing is getting typing/computer time. EVERY time,
like right now, I sit she wants mama milk...is 2.5 too young for me to refuse?
I'm really feeling conflicted about this, and sometimes resentful. I want to do
what's best for dd, and usually give in."
I think a change in the way you see things might help in this situation. Instead of seeing yourself as "giving in", see it as an opportunity to spend time with a small child that desperately needs you. Yes, I think 2.5 is an exhausting age in many ways, you have to be available at all times it seems, with little time left for yourself. But there ARE ways to meet your needs and hers...you just have to be more creative in those young years.
Like setting her up with a great movie and some popcorn before you sit down to type, and expecting to get interrupted will help you detach from that moment when it comes.
Personal boundaries ARE about being honest with what you really want to do, yes....but when a child is very young they need us more and I think it's really useful to try and detach ourselves from what is happening and be accepting.
This is what she needs right now. This is where your life is right now. Instead of longing for something you don't have, accept that this moment is perfect, just the way it is. Needy 2 year old and all.
I often look at things through the perspective of death. Maybe that seems morbid to some, but seeing myself as dead and gone keeps me thinking clearly about what I really want from moment to moment.
Or reminding myself that I may not always have that needy toddler with me, or that grumpy teen....keeps me thankful that they are with me, that they are healthy and happy and I get more moments with them today.
Today is perfect.
This very moment is perfect.
This may be the very most perfect moment ever, why mess it up wishing things were any different than they are right now?
It's a very Zen-like way of seeing your life. Unschooling is my Zen.:)
Personal boundaries for me, with a toddler, are about not letting someone hurt me, letting that little person know when their voice is hurting my ears or I don't like the way in which they're talking to me.
"Jalen, when you say it that way I feel grumpy, can you just tell me NO without screaming?"
He usually calms right down and says "no" much more softly.:)
I assume that I am on call at all times with small people in my home...acceptance is a wonderful tool.
You can creatively work it so you get time to do that which you love....truly. It just takes a proactive method to get to a place where you have some free time. While they're asleep is one really great time.:)
Ren
Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
like right now, I sit she wants mama milk...is 2.5 too young for me to refuse?
I'm really feeling conflicted about this, and sometimes resentful. I want to do
what's best for dd, and usually give in."
I think a change in the way you see things might help in this situation. Instead of seeing yourself as "giving in", see it as an opportunity to spend time with a small child that desperately needs you. Yes, I think 2.5 is an exhausting age in many ways, you have to be available at all times it seems, with little time left for yourself. But there ARE ways to meet your needs and hers...you just have to be more creative in those young years.
Like setting her up with a great movie and some popcorn before you sit down to type, and expecting to get interrupted will help you detach from that moment when it comes.
Personal boundaries ARE about being honest with what you really want to do, yes....but when a child is very young they need us more and I think it's really useful to try and detach ourselves from what is happening and be accepting.
This is what she needs right now. This is where your life is right now. Instead of longing for something you don't have, accept that this moment is perfect, just the way it is. Needy 2 year old and all.
I often look at things through the perspective of death. Maybe that seems morbid to some, but seeing myself as dead and gone keeps me thinking clearly about what I really want from moment to moment.
Or reminding myself that I may not always have that needy toddler with me, or that grumpy teen....keeps me thankful that they are with me, that they are healthy and happy and I get more moments with them today.
Today is perfect.
This very moment is perfect.
This may be the very most perfect moment ever, why mess it up wishing things were any different than they are right now?
It's a very Zen-like way of seeing your life. Unschooling is my Zen.:)
Personal boundaries for me, with a toddler, are about not letting someone hurt me, letting that little person know when their voice is hurting my ears or I don't like the way in which they're talking to me.
"Jalen, when you say it that way I feel grumpy, can you just tell me NO without screaming?"
He usually calms right down and says "no" much more softly.:)
I assume that I am on call at all times with small people in my home...acceptance is a wonderful tool.
You can creatively work it so you get time to do that which you love....truly. It just takes a proactive method to get to a place where you have some free time. While they're asleep is one really great time.:)
Ren
Learn about unschooling at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
Valerie
> "If not, what can I do? My big thing is getting typing/computertime. EVERY time, like right now, I sit she wants mama milk...is 2.5
too young for me to refuse? I'm really feeling conflicted about
this, and sometimes resentful. I want to do what's best for dd, and
usually give in."
****** There were no computers when Laurie was 2.5; we didn't get
one until she was 11. Even then, it was several years before I had
time to use one. I have a few thoughts on the way you're looking at
the "interruptions." :-)
If you change the way you look at things; the things you look at
will change. (Wayne Dyer)
I didn't see ______ as an acceptable interruption when Laurie needed
me to nourish her - spiritually, physically or otherwise. Fill in
the blank as you choose. Anything and everything will fit.
When we see our children's needs as interruptions, they feel it.
She's learning that your computer time is more important to you than
nourishing her. Maybe mama milk isn't what she REALLY wants. Maybe
she needs to know that she is number one to you, right then, when
she needs to know it, no matter what you're doing. Being a child is
scary and removing all scariness is a time-consuming job for a
parent, but it's a job with more benefits than you can imagine -
benefits that will become obvious to you as she gets older.
My Laurie is 24 now and recently moved away to pursue her PhD.
Last night, I finally sat down at the computer to attempt to write
some notes to help me with my speech in Peabody this weekend. I
didn't intend on putting it off until the last minute, but it
couldn't be helped.
Well, I had been typing for about a minute and a half (seriously)
and the phone rang. It was Laurie, bubbling over with news about her
first day in some of her classes. She started describing each
professor that she'll be working with, the classroom, etc. I reached
up and minimized what I had typed so I wouldn't be distracted from
her phone call. She babbled and shared and "interrupted" me for over
an hour. She told about her grocery shopping trip and how she found
organic apples at the Winn Dixie.
Then she told me how much she loved me and how much it meant to her
that I always had time for her, in the past and now. She
said, "Knowing you, you were right in the middle of something
important...but I'll never know about it, huh?" I laughed and told
her that nothing was more important to me than hearing from her.
(I'm SO grateful for cell phones) She said, "Yeah, I am pretty
wonderful, huh?" Yeah, she is.
Would you see that as an acceptable interruption since we're living
apart for the first time in 24 years and of course we're missing
each other! Would you still see it as acceptable if you knew it
happened every day? It does.
I miss the times when she crawled onto my lap for nourishment, but
as far as I'm concerned she's really still doing that, and there is
nothing that will ever be more important to me than giving her
nourishment. I figure that I was put on this earth to be Laurie's
mom and anything else is lagniappe (cajun french word for 'extra').
If it means that I only have a few hours to throw together some
notes for my speech at the Live & Learn conference, then the parents
there will understand, realize and KNOW that my speech about Laurie
isn't as important as Laurie herself. I'd rather fall short of an
awesome speech than tell Laurie I'm too busy to talk. (sorry
conference goers. <g>)
Finding your priorities is a very helpful thing. Will it matter five
years from now that you had uninterrupted computer time? No. Will it
matter five years from now that you welcomed her into your lap for
nourishment everytime she wanted it? Yes.
I honestly can't think of a single thing that I put off and suffered
over so that I could nourish Laurie. Guess they weren't really that
important. :-)
It's all about choices and letting your child know that she's number
one with you. It's the wisest choice I ever made.
Now to the speech notes. <g>
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
Tracy Austin
Wow, Valerie, THIS could be your speech!
Thanks to you and Ren for your wise words. Just what I needed to hear:-)
Warmly,
Tracy
Thanks to you and Ren for your wise words. Just what I needed to hear:-)
Warmly,
Tracy
----- Original Message -----
From: Valerie
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, August 25, 2004 11:04 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: personal boundaries
> "If not, what can I do? My big thing is getting typing/computer
time. EVERY time, like right now, I sit she wants mama milk...is 2.5
too young for me to refuse? I'm really feeling conflicted about
this, and sometimes resentful. I want to do what's best for dd, and
usually give in."
****** There were no computers when Laurie was 2.5; we didn't get
one until she was 11. Even then, it was several years before I had
time to use one. I have a few thoughts on the way you're looking at
the "interruptions." :-)
If you change the way you look at things; the things you look at
will change. (Wayne Dyer)
I didn't see ______ as an acceptable interruption when Laurie needed
me to nourish her - spiritually, physically or otherwise. Fill in
the blank as you choose. Anything and everything will fit.
When we see our children's needs as interruptions, they feel it.
She's learning that your computer time is more important to you than
nourishing her. Maybe mama milk isn't what she REALLY wants. Maybe
she needs to know that she is number one to you, right then, when
she needs to know it, no matter what you're doing. Being a child is
scary and removing all scariness is a time-consuming job for a
parent, but it's a job with more benefits than you can imagine -
benefits that will become obvious to you as she gets older.
My Laurie is 24 now and recently moved away to pursue her PhD.
Last night, I finally sat down at the computer to attempt to write
some notes to help me with my speech in Peabody this weekend. I
didn't intend on putting it off until the last minute, but it
couldn't be helped.
Well, I had been typing for about a minute and a half (seriously)
and the phone rang. It was Laurie, bubbling over with news about her
first day in some of her classes. She started describing each
professor that she'll be working with, the classroom, etc. I reached
up and minimized what I had typed so I wouldn't be distracted from
her phone call. She babbled and shared and "interrupted" me for over
an hour. She told about her grocery shopping trip and how she found
organic apples at the Winn Dixie.
Then she told me how much she loved me and how much it meant to her
that I always had time for her, in the past and now. She
said, "Knowing you, you were right in the middle of something
important...but I'll never know about it, huh?" I laughed and told
her that nothing was more important to me than hearing from her.
(I'm SO grateful for cell phones) She said, "Yeah, I am pretty
wonderful, huh?" Yeah, she is.
Would you see that as an acceptable interruption since we're living
apart for the first time in 24 years and of course we're missing
each other! Would you still see it as acceptable if you knew it
happened every day? It does.
I miss the times when she crawled onto my lap for nourishment, but
as far as I'm concerned she's really still doing that, and there is
nothing that will ever be more important to me than giving her
nourishment. I figure that I was put on this earth to be Laurie's
mom and anything else is lagniappe (cajun french word for 'extra').
If it means that I only have a few hours to throw together some
notes for my speech at the Live & Learn conference, then the parents
there will understand, realize and KNOW that my speech about Laurie
isn't as important as Laurie herself. I'd rather fall short of an
awesome speech than tell Laurie I'm too busy to talk. (sorry
conference goers. <g>)
Finding your priorities is a very helpful thing. Will it matter five
years from now that you had uninterrupted computer time? No. Will it
matter five years from now that you welcomed her into your lap for
nourishment everytime she wanted it? Yes.
I honestly can't think of a single thing that I put off and suffered
over so that I could nourish Laurie. Guess they weren't really that
important. :-)
It's all about choices and letting your child know that she's number
one with you. It's the wisest choice I ever made.
Now to the speech notes. <g>
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
a.. To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
"If it means that I only have a few hours to throw together some
notes for my speech at the Live & Learn conference, then the parents
there will understand, realize and KNOW that my speech about Laurie
isn't as important as Laurie herself. I'd rather fall short of an
awesome speech than tell Laurie I'm too busy to talk. (sorry
conference goers. <g>)"
I think you should tell them about this very conversation....lovely.
Ren
notes for my speech at the Live & Learn conference, then the parents
there will understand, realize and KNOW that my speech about Laurie
isn't as important as Laurie herself. I'd rather fall short of an
awesome speech than tell Laurie I'm too busy to talk. (sorry
conference goers. <g>)"
I think you should tell them about this very conversation....lovely.
Ren
Ren Allen
"If you change the way you look at things; the things you look at
will change. (Wayne Dyer)"
I like this...and I totally believe it's true.
I've told this a hundred times before, so those of you that have
read about this paradigm shift can just skip to the next message.:)
My Mom fought cancer for many years.
At one point, I was staying in Alaska for 2-3 weeks extra, to care
for her. It was late at night, I was in the basement folding clothes
thinking about how tired I was and how I wished I didn't need to do
laundry right then.
I stopped myself right there and thought about many conversations
I'd had at unschooling.com, and realized it was my choice to feel
this way. I looked at the pile of laundry and realized how very,
very fortunate I really was.
Each and every piece of clothing was a symbol of a loved one, that
was still with me. I began to fold that laundry with a thankful
heart, hoping that I'd have many more opportunities to fold my
mothers laundry.
I didn't.
She died two years ago and I'd give anything to fold her laundry,
wash her hair and tell stories at night before bed (she was a
storyteller).
When I get frustrated today, I stop, and look around at the lovely
messes that represent my loved ones. They are with me...and I am
grateful.
The crumbs on the counter mean they are healthy and eating. The pile
of dirty dishes is a sign that we have enough food to eat, the dirty
laundry means we have nice clothing we enjoy and fun activities to
get it dirty with.:)
Everything in this entire life is about choices. There are always
situations and people we didn't choose, but how we respond is
totally about perspective and decisions.
I choose to be thankful today. I'm glad that my toddler can still
nurse and recieve nourishment and comfort. I'm glad that Sierra
wants me to stop typing and watch another cartwheel, it means she
still sees me as an important part of her life. I'm glad Trevor is
bugging me to use the computer right now because it means he enjoys
researching his interests and learning new things. I'm glad Jared is
asking me to make him Cream of Wheat for the millionth time in the
last two days, because it means I'm buying a food he likes!:) And
heck, it's pretty easy as far as food requests go.
Thankfulness is a choice. The proverbial glass is truly half full if
we just pause long enough to see all the good that is in our lives,
even in the hard times.
Toddlers grow up awfully fast, suck up every minute of sweet
interruptions, for those interruptions are actually the moments that
matter...not the thing we thought we wanted instead.
Ren
will change. (Wayne Dyer)"
I like this...and I totally believe it's true.
I've told this a hundred times before, so those of you that have
read about this paradigm shift can just skip to the next message.:)
My Mom fought cancer for many years.
At one point, I was staying in Alaska for 2-3 weeks extra, to care
for her. It was late at night, I was in the basement folding clothes
thinking about how tired I was and how I wished I didn't need to do
laundry right then.
I stopped myself right there and thought about many conversations
I'd had at unschooling.com, and realized it was my choice to feel
this way. I looked at the pile of laundry and realized how very,
very fortunate I really was.
Each and every piece of clothing was a symbol of a loved one, that
was still with me. I began to fold that laundry with a thankful
heart, hoping that I'd have many more opportunities to fold my
mothers laundry.
I didn't.
She died two years ago and I'd give anything to fold her laundry,
wash her hair and tell stories at night before bed (she was a
storyteller).
When I get frustrated today, I stop, and look around at the lovely
messes that represent my loved ones. They are with me...and I am
grateful.
The crumbs on the counter mean they are healthy and eating. The pile
of dirty dishes is a sign that we have enough food to eat, the dirty
laundry means we have nice clothing we enjoy and fun activities to
get it dirty with.:)
Everything in this entire life is about choices. There are always
situations and people we didn't choose, but how we respond is
totally about perspective and decisions.
I choose to be thankful today. I'm glad that my toddler can still
nurse and recieve nourishment and comfort. I'm glad that Sierra
wants me to stop typing and watch another cartwheel, it means she
still sees me as an important part of her life. I'm glad Trevor is
bugging me to use the computer right now because it means he enjoys
researching his interests and learning new things. I'm glad Jared is
asking me to make him Cream of Wheat for the millionth time in the
last two days, because it means I'm buying a food he likes!:) And
heck, it's pretty easy as far as food requests go.
Thankfulness is a choice. The proverbial glass is truly half full if
we just pause long enough to see all the good that is in our lives,
even in the hard times.
Toddlers grow up awfully fast, suck up every minute of sweet
interruptions, for those interruptions are actually the moments that
matter...not the thing we thought we wanted instead.
Ren
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/25/2004 10:05:22 AM Central Daylight Time,
valerie@... writes:
younglins grow up soo fast..>June
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
valerie@... writes:
>i have found,,,that times like that,are always rewarded at a later time,,,
>
> If it means that I only have a few hours to throw together some
> notes for my speech at the Live & Learn conference, then the parents
> there will understand, realize and KNOW that my speech about Laurie
> isn't as important as Laurie herself. I'd rather fall short of an
> awesome speech than tell Laurie I'm too busy to talk. (sorry
> conference goers. <g>)
>
younglins grow up soo fast..>June
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 25/08/2004 13:15:27 Pacific Daylight Time,
starsuncloud@... writes:
breath and live more mindfully.My husband is really struggling with this right
now, at work and home, and I think your post may give him some comfort as well.
I have read your story a few times, and each time I slow down a bit more.
Another thing I find helpful with this is a book Sandra recommends on her
website. It is called "The Zen Commandments" and it has really helped me to see
things differently with my children.
Your post has come to me at exactly the time I needed it, I am not
remembering to keep my children ahead of everything else, I keep trying to "get things
done" , or find a way to go ride the horse or walk the dog or something.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Tho it was not aimed at me personally, this
is the great effect this list can have on people's lives.
Nancy in BC, breathing and slowing down.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
starsuncloud@... writes:
> Thankfulness is a choice. The proverbial glass is truly half full ifOh Ren, thank you for these words. The whole post helps me to take a deep
> we just pause long enough to see all the good that is in our lives,
> even in the hard times.
>
breath and live more mindfully.My husband is really struggling with this right
now, at work and home, and I think your post may give him some comfort as well.
I have read your story a few times, and each time I slow down a bit more.
Another thing I find helpful with this is a book Sandra recommends on her
website. It is called "The Zen Commandments" and it has really helped me to see
things differently with my children.
Your post has come to me at exactly the time I needed it, I am not
remembering to keep my children ahead of everything else, I keep trying to "get things
done" , or find a way to go ride the horse or walk the dog or something.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Tho it was not aimed at me personally, this
is the great effect this list can have on people's lives.
Nancy in BC, breathing and slowing down.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
"Your post has come to me at exactly the time I needed it, I am not
remembering to keep my children ahead of everything else, I keep
trying to "get things done" , or find a way to go ride the horse or
walk the dog or something.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Tho it was not aimed at me
personally, this is the great effect this list can have on people's
lives.
Nancy in BC, breathing and slowing down."
I am honored.:)
It's funny, because I write very strongly sometimes; very
passionately about unschooling issues. What you may not realize
though, is I write it as much for myself as anyone at the list.
Everytime I sit and write a post, it's a powerful reminder to myself
to live what I preach. It works.
The more I talk about living this lifestyle, the easier it seems to
get. My old tapes are slowly being replaced with better messages.
I truly think that's one of the greatest things about these
lists...it gives us a chance to dig really deep into what is
meaningful and remind ourselves.
I feel truly grateful to Sandra, Joyce, Pam, Anne, Kelly and so many
others that gave me gentle and not-so-gentle nudges when I needed
them. I owe the universe...so I pay it back by writing and talking
and talking and writing and.....until everyone gets sick of hearing
it!! lol
:)
Pass it on.
Ren
remembering to keep my children ahead of everything else, I keep
trying to "get things done" , or find a way to go ride the horse or
walk the dog or something.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Tho it was not aimed at me
personally, this is the great effect this list can have on people's
lives.
Nancy in BC, breathing and slowing down."
I am honored.:)
It's funny, because I write very strongly sometimes; very
passionately about unschooling issues. What you may not realize
though, is I write it as much for myself as anyone at the list.
Everytime I sit and write a post, it's a powerful reminder to myself
to live what I preach. It works.
The more I talk about living this lifestyle, the easier it seems to
get. My old tapes are slowly being replaced with better messages.
I truly think that's one of the greatest things about these
lists...it gives us a chance to dig really deep into what is
meaningful and remind ourselves.
I feel truly grateful to Sandra, Joyce, Pam, Anne, Kelly and so many
others that gave me gentle and not-so-gentle nudges when I needed
them. I owe the universe...so I pay it back by writing and talking
and talking and writing and.....until everyone gets sick of hearing
it!! lol
:)
Pass it on.
Ren
Sherri-Lee Pressman
Valerie,
Thank you so much for posting this. I am going to keep this to remind myself
of what is really important on a regular basis. I am sorry I am going to
miss your speech this week-end, I hope you are going to be speaking at next
years conference, because I am planning on being there even if I have to
drag dh kicking and screaming. I will entice him with beach time, a week or
so in the Caribbean after and yes a stop in Dallas for work if he wants.
that should do it:-)
Thank you again,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Valerie [mailto:valerie@...]
Sent: Wednesday, August 25, 2004 8:05 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: personal boundaries
too young for me to refuse? I'm really feeling conflicted about
this, and sometimes resentful. I want to do what's best for dd, and
usually give in."
****** There were no computers when Laurie was 2.5; we didn't get
one until she was 11. Even then, it was several years before I had
time to use one. I have a few thoughts on the way you're looking at
the "interruptions." :-)
If you change the way you look at things; the things you look at
will change. (Wayne Dyer)
I didn't see ______ as an acceptable interruption when Laurie needed
me to nourish her - spiritually, physically or otherwise. Fill in
the blank as you choose. Anything and everything will fit.
When we see our children's needs as interruptions, they feel it.
She's learning that your computer time is more important to you than
nourishing her. Maybe mama milk isn't what she REALLY wants. Maybe
she needs to know that she is number one to you, right then, when
she needs to know it, no matter what you're doing. Being a child is
scary and removing all scariness is a time-consuming job for a
parent, but it's a job with more benefits than you can imagine -
benefits that will become obvious to you as she gets older.
My Laurie is 24 now and recently moved away to pursue her PhD.
Last night, I finally sat down at the computer to attempt to write
some notes to help me with my speech in Peabody this weekend. I
didn't intend on putting it off until the last minute, but it
couldn't be helped.
Well, I had been typing for about a minute and a half (seriously)
and the phone rang. It was Laurie, bubbling over with news about her
first day in some of her classes. She started describing each
professor that she'll be working with, the classroom, etc. I reached
up and minimized what I had typed so I wouldn't be distracted from
her phone call. She babbled and shared and "interrupted" me for over
an hour. She told about her grocery shopping trip and how she found
organic apples at the Winn Dixie.
Then she told me how much she loved me and how much it meant to her
that I always had time for her, in the past and now. She
said, "Knowing you, you were right in the middle of something
important...but I'll never know about it, huh?" I laughed and told
her that nothing was more important to me than hearing from her.
(I'm SO grateful for cell phones) She said, "Yeah, I am pretty
wonderful, huh?" Yeah, she is.
Would you see that as an acceptable interruption since we're living
apart for the first time in 24 years and of course we're missing
each other! Would you still see it as acceptable if you knew it
happened every day? It does.
I miss the times when she crawled onto my lap for nourishment, but
as far as I'm concerned she's really still doing that, and there is
nothing that will ever be more important to me than giving her
nourishment. I figure that I was put on this earth to be Laurie's
mom and anything else is lagniappe (cajun french word for 'extra').
If it means that I only have a few hours to throw together some
notes for my speech at the Live & Learn conference, then the parents
there will understand, realize and KNOW that my speech about Laurie
isn't as important as Laurie herself. I'd rather fall short of an
awesome speech than tell Laurie I'm too busy to talk. (sorry
conference goers. <g>)
Finding your priorities is a very helpful thing. Will it matter five
years from now that you had uninterrupted computer time? No. Will it
matter five years from now that you welcomed her into your lap for
nourishment everytime she wanted it? Yes.
I honestly can't think of a single thing that I put off and suffered
over so that I could nourish Laurie. Guess they weren't really that
important. :-)
It's all about choices and letting your child know that she's number
one with you. It's the wisest choice I ever made.
Now to the speech notes. <g>
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
<http://us.ard.yahoo.com/SIG=129lfglge/M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=gr
oups/S=1705081972:HM/EXP=1093532709/A=2319501/R=0/SIG=11tq0u909/*http:/www.n
etflix.com/Default?mqso=60185353&partid=5285298> click here
<http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=groups/S=
:HM/A=2319501/rand=771325959>
_____
Yahoo! Groups Links
* To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>
* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thank you so much for posting this. I am going to keep this to remind myself
of what is really important on a regular basis. I am sorry I am going to
miss your speech this week-end, I hope you are going to be speaking at next
years conference, because I am planning on being there even if I have to
drag dh kicking and screaming. I will entice him with beach time, a week or
so in the Caribbean after and yes a stop in Dallas for work if he wants.
that should do it:-)
Thank you again,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Valerie [mailto:valerie@...]
Sent: Wednesday, August 25, 2004 8:05 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: personal boundaries
> "If not, what can I do? My big thing is getting typing/computertime. EVERY time, like right now, I sit she wants mama milk...is 2.5
too young for me to refuse? I'm really feeling conflicted about
this, and sometimes resentful. I want to do what's best for dd, and
usually give in."
****** There were no computers when Laurie was 2.5; we didn't get
one until she was 11. Even then, it was several years before I had
time to use one. I have a few thoughts on the way you're looking at
the "interruptions." :-)
If you change the way you look at things; the things you look at
will change. (Wayne Dyer)
I didn't see ______ as an acceptable interruption when Laurie needed
me to nourish her - spiritually, physically or otherwise. Fill in
the blank as you choose. Anything and everything will fit.
When we see our children's needs as interruptions, they feel it.
She's learning that your computer time is more important to you than
nourishing her. Maybe mama milk isn't what she REALLY wants. Maybe
she needs to know that she is number one to you, right then, when
she needs to know it, no matter what you're doing. Being a child is
scary and removing all scariness is a time-consuming job for a
parent, but it's a job with more benefits than you can imagine -
benefits that will become obvious to you as she gets older.
My Laurie is 24 now and recently moved away to pursue her PhD.
Last night, I finally sat down at the computer to attempt to write
some notes to help me with my speech in Peabody this weekend. I
didn't intend on putting it off until the last minute, but it
couldn't be helped.
Well, I had been typing for about a minute and a half (seriously)
and the phone rang. It was Laurie, bubbling over with news about her
first day in some of her classes. She started describing each
professor that she'll be working with, the classroom, etc. I reached
up and minimized what I had typed so I wouldn't be distracted from
her phone call. She babbled and shared and "interrupted" me for over
an hour. She told about her grocery shopping trip and how she found
organic apples at the Winn Dixie.
Then she told me how much she loved me and how much it meant to her
that I always had time for her, in the past and now. She
said, "Knowing you, you were right in the middle of something
important...but I'll never know about it, huh?" I laughed and told
her that nothing was more important to me than hearing from her.
(I'm SO grateful for cell phones) She said, "Yeah, I am pretty
wonderful, huh?" Yeah, she is.
Would you see that as an acceptable interruption since we're living
apart for the first time in 24 years and of course we're missing
each other! Would you still see it as acceptable if you knew it
happened every day? It does.
I miss the times when she crawled onto my lap for nourishment, but
as far as I'm concerned she's really still doing that, and there is
nothing that will ever be more important to me than giving her
nourishment. I figure that I was put on this earth to be Laurie's
mom and anything else is lagniappe (cajun french word for 'extra').
If it means that I only have a few hours to throw together some
notes for my speech at the Live & Learn conference, then the parents
there will understand, realize and KNOW that my speech about Laurie
isn't as important as Laurie herself. I'd rather fall short of an
awesome speech than tell Laurie I'm too busy to talk. (sorry
conference goers. <g>)
Finding your priorities is a very helpful thing. Will it matter five
years from now that you had uninterrupted computer time? No. Will it
matter five years from now that you welcomed her into your lap for
nourishment everytime she wanted it? Yes.
I honestly can't think of a single thing that I put off and suffered
over so that I could nourish Laurie. Guess they weren't really that
important. :-)
It's all about choices and letting your child know that she's number
one with you. It's the wisest choice I ever made.
Now to the speech notes. <g>
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
<http://us.ard.yahoo.com/SIG=129lfglge/M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=gr
oups/S=1705081972:HM/EXP=1093532709/A=2319501/R=0/SIG=11tq0u909/*http:/www.n
etflix.com/Default?mqso=60185353&partid=5285298> click here
<http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=groups/S=
:HM/A=2319501/rand=771325959>
_____
Yahoo! Groups Links
* To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>
* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sherri-Lee Pressman
WOW two fabulous posts in one day. Thank you Ren! What a great way to live
your life. I have been working on it for a couple of years now. I still can
get bogged down, but usually dig myself out and try to remember to just be
thankful for what I have instead of bitching about what is wrong with what I
have.
Thank you for the reminder, something I really need going into the birth of
my second child and another huge life change as we all adjust to a new being
in our family,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Ren Allen [mailto:starsuncloud@...]
Sent: Wednesday, August 25, 2004 12:42 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] personal boundaries
"If you change the way you look at things; the things you look at
will change. (Wayne Dyer)"
I like this...and I totally believe it's true.
I've told this a hundred times before, so those of you that have
read about this paradigm shift can just skip to the next message.:)
My Mom fought cancer for many years.
At one point, I was staying in Alaska for 2-3 weeks extra, to care
for her. It was late at night, I was in the basement folding clothes
thinking about how tired I was and how I wished I didn't need to do
laundry right then.
I stopped myself right there and thought about many conversations
I'd had at unschooling.com, and realized it was my choice to feel
this way. I looked at the pile of laundry and realized how very,
very fortunate I really was.
Each and every piece of clothing was a symbol of a loved one, that
was still with me. I began to fold that laundry with a thankful
heart, hoping that I'd have many more opportunities to fold my
mothers laundry.
I didn't.
She died two years ago and I'd give anything to fold her laundry,
wash her hair and tell stories at night before bed (she was a
storyteller).
When I get frustrated today, I stop, and look around at the lovely
messes that represent my loved ones. They are with me...and I am
grateful.
The crumbs on the counter mean they are healthy and eating. The pile
of dirty dishes is a sign that we have enough food to eat, the dirty
laundry means we have nice clothing we enjoy and fun activities to
get it dirty with.:)
Everything in this entire life is about choices. There are always
situations and people we didn't choose, but how we respond is
totally about perspective and decisions.
I choose to be thankful today. I'm glad that my toddler can still
nurse and recieve nourishment and comfort. I'm glad that Sierra
wants me to stop typing and watch another cartwheel, it means she
still sees me as an important part of her life. I'm glad Trevor is
bugging me to use the computer right now because it means he enjoys
researching his interests and learning new things. I'm glad Jared is
asking me to make him Cream of Wheat for the millionth time in the
last two days, because it means I'm buying a food he likes!:) And
heck, it's pretty easy as far as food requests go.
Thankfulness is a choice. The proverbial glass is truly half full if
we just pause long enough to see all the good that is in our lives,
even in the hard times.
Toddlers grow up awfully fast, suck up every minute of sweet
interruptions, for those interruptions are actually the moments that
matter...not the thing we thought we wanted instead.
Ren
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
<http://us.ard.yahoo.com/SIG=129s9r74t/M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=gr
oups/S=1705081972:HM/EXP=1093549389/A=2319498/R=0/SIG=11thfntfp/*http:/www.n
etflix.com/Default?mqso=60185352&partid=5285298> click here
<http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=groups/S=
:HM/A=2319498/rand=520867663>
_____
Yahoo! Groups Links
* To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>
* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
your life. I have been working on it for a couple of years now. I still can
get bogged down, but usually dig myself out and try to remember to just be
thankful for what I have instead of bitching about what is wrong with what I
have.
Thank you for the reminder, something I really need going into the birth of
my second child and another huge life change as we all adjust to a new being
in our family,
Sherri-Lee
_____
From: Ren Allen [mailto:starsuncloud@...]
Sent: Wednesday, August 25, 2004 12:42 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] personal boundaries
"If you change the way you look at things; the things you look at
will change. (Wayne Dyer)"
I like this...and I totally believe it's true.
I've told this a hundred times before, so those of you that have
read about this paradigm shift can just skip to the next message.:)
My Mom fought cancer for many years.
At one point, I was staying in Alaska for 2-3 weeks extra, to care
for her. It was late at night, I was in the basement folding clothes
thinking about how tired I was and how I wished I didn't need to do
laundry right then.
I stopped myself right there and thought about many conversations
I'd had at unschooling.com, and realized it was my choice to feel
this way. I looked at the pile of laundry and realized how very,
very fortunate I really was.
Each and every piece of clothing was a symbol of a loved one, that
was still with me. I began to fold that laundry with a thankful
heart, hoping that I'd have many more opportunities to fold my
mothers laundry.
I didn't.
She died two years ago and I'd give anything to fold her laundry,
wash her hair and tell stories at night before bed (she was a
storyteller).
When I get frustrated today, I stop, and look around at the lovely
messes that represent my loved ones. They are with me...and I am
grateful.
The crumbs on the counter mean they are healthy and eating. The pile
of dirty dishes is a sign that we have enough food to eat, the dirty
laundry means we have nice clothing we enjoy and fun activities to
get it dirty with.:)
Everything in this entire life is about choices. There are always
situations and people we didn't choose, but how we respond is
totally about perspective and decisions.
I choose to be thankful today. I'm glad that my toddler can still
nurse and recieve nourishment and comfort. I'm glad that Sierra
wants me to stop typing and watch another cartwheel, it means she
still sees me as an important part of her life. I'm glad Trevor is
bugging me to use the computer right now because it means he enjoys
researching his interests and learning new things. I'm glad Jared is
asking me to make him Cream of Wheat for the millionth time in the
last two days, because it means I'm buying a food he likes!:) And
heck, it's pretty easy as far as food requests go.
Thankfulness is a choice. The proverbial glass is truly half full if
we just pause long enough to see all the good that is in our lives,
even in the hard times.
Toddlers grow up awfully fast, suck up every minute of sweet
interruptions, for those interruptions are actually the moments that
matter...not the thing we thought we wanted instead.
Ren
Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
ADVERTISEMENT
<http://us.ard.yahoo.com/SIG=129s9r74t/M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=gr
oups/S=1705081972:HM/EXP=1093549389/A=2319498/R=0/SIG=11thfntfp/*http:/www.n
etflix.com/Default?mqso=60185352&partid=5285298> click here
<http://us.adserver.yahoo.com/l?M=298184.5285298.6392945.3001176/D=groups/S=
:HM/A=2319498/rand=520867663>
_____
Yahoo! Groups Links
* To visit your group on the web, go to:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingbasics/
* To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]?subject=Unsubscribe>
* Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
<http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/> Terms of Service.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Wendy E
Valerie and Ren...both of your posts brought tears to my eyes.
Thanks....I needed that.
Wendy
Thanks....I needed that.
Wendy
Wendy E
Can I forward your story to my local AP yahoo group? Reading this
really affected me...I have thought about it many times over the
past week...I think your words might be helpful to others. Let me
know if it's OK....thanks.
Wendy
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
really affected me...I have thought about it many times over the
past week...I think your words might be helpful to others. Let me
know if it's OK....thanks.
Wendy
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
> "If you change the way you look at things; the things you look atclothes
> will change. (Wayne Dyer)"
>
> I like this...and I totally believe it's true.
>
> I've told this a hundred times before, so those of you that have
> read about this paradigm shift can just skip to the next message.:)
>
> My Mom fought cancer for many years.
> At one point, I was staying in Alaska for 2-3 weeks extra, to care
> for her. It was late at night, I was in the basement folding
> thinking about how tired I was and how I wished I didn't need todo
> laundry right then.pile
> I stopped myself right there and thought about many conversations
> I'd had at unschooling.com, and realized it was my choice to feel
> this way. I looked at the pile of laundry and realized how very,
> very fortunate I really was.
> Each and every piece of clothing was a symbol of a loved one, that
> was still with me. I began to fold that laundry with a thankful
> heart, hoping that I'd have many more opportunities to fold my
> mothers laundry.
> I didn't.
> She died two years ago and I'd give anything to fold her laundry,
> wash her hair and tell stories at night before bed (she was a
> storyteller).
> When I get frustrated today, I stop, and look around at the lovely
> messes that represent my loved ones. They are with me...and I am
> grateful.
> The crumbs on the counter mean they are healthy and eating. The
> of dirty dishes is a sign that we have enough food to eat, thedirty
> laundry means we have nice clothing we enjoy and fun activities toenjoys
> get it dirty with.:)
> Everything in this entire life is about choices. There are always
> situations and people we didn't choose, but how we respond is
> totally about perspective and decisions.
> I choose to be thankful today. I'm glad that my toddler can still
> nurse and recieve nourishment and comfort. I'm glad that Sierra
> wants me to stop typing and watch another cartwheel, it means she
> still sees me as an important part of her life. I'm glad Trevor is
> bugging me to use the computer right now because it means he
> researching his interests and learning new things. I'm glad Jaredis
> asking me to make him Cream of Wheat for the millionth time in theif
> last two days, because it means I'm buying a food he likes!:) And
> heck, it's pretty easy as far as food requests go.
>
> Thankfulness is a choice. The proverbial glass is truly half full
> we just pause long enough to see all the good that is in ourlives,
> even in the hard times.that
> Toddlers grow up awfully fast, suck up every minute of sweet
> interruptions, for those interruptions are actually the moments
> matter...not the thing we thought we wanted instead.
>
> Ren
Valerie
Grinning... I took your advice and I DID read the post as part of my
speech. Thank you.
love, Valerie
--- In [email protected], "Tracy Austin"
<webinfusion@c...> wrote:
speech. Thank you.
love, Valerie
--- In [email protected], "Tracy Austin"
<webinfusion@c...> wrote:
> Wow, Valerie, THIS could be your speech!hear:-)
> Thanks to you and Ren for your wise words. Just what I needed to
>
> Warmly,
> Tracy
Valerie
I did. I did. :-) Thank you, Ren
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com
--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@n...> wrote:
> "If it means that I only have a few hours to throw together someparents
> notes for my speech at the Live & Learn conference, then the
> there will understand, realize and KNOW that my speech about Laurieconversation....lovely.
> isn't as important as Laurie herself. I'd rather fall short of an
> awesome speech than tell Laurie I'm too busy to talk. (sorry
> conference goers. <g>)"
>
> I think you should tell them about this very
>
> Ren