not stopping...?
Adrean Clark
Yesterday a situation came up with my oldest that has me concerned. I
am not sure what he's thinking.
We went to the bank to get money deposited, etc. DS has a check every
month for him to spend money on. He pays rent and has money left for
what he wants. It is quite some change. At the bank I reminded him
of the rent and the money he owed for the toy I got for him because he
could not wait. (Lego Mars Mission set) He was upset (I would be too
if I didn't understand how money shrinks), but he paid the amounts
needed. He went over to the back of the room and played with the table
set toys for kids. I was ready to go because one twin was hungry and
wanted to eat. A gentle reminder to all... then I was left waiting at
the door with one twin. I went back again to remind him and the other
twin, but DS stayed while the rest of us stood at the door. We
FINALLY got to the van but DS lagged back, pushing at the handicapped
door button. I went back once again but he refused to look at me or
stop pushing at the button. I had to push him away gently to look at
me (remember we depend on eye contact to sign and communicate) and get
him to stop pushing the button. He kept coming back at it before
running to the van. I explained when he finally looked at me that
the button is for people who are in a wheelchair or have crutches. If
kids play with it all the time they might take out that button or put
up an ugly sign that says Parents, please do not allow your children
to play with the HC button...
DS can be intense sometimes. He has an acute sense of unfairness to
himself, never mind how "fair" others are being. He can stomp off if
he doesn't get what he wants right now. I am understanding (or trying
to in my n00b stage) but when he's got his brothers in a headlock or
when his younger twin brothers are stomping around and pouting like
him, I'm worried.
For the aforementioned situation, I made quite some mistakes. I
should have not loaned him the money in the first place, instead have
worked out him going to get a gift card that he could use to spend
online on what he wanted with his allowance. I am not sure what to do
when he gets into intense mode. With the stomping and pouting, I
ignore him (I have given him hugs in the past but it seemed to make
the episodes worse and plus I put myself in danger of being hit.).
But when he refuses to stop something like push the handicapped door
button or leave the TV remote alone when it's time to go, I'm afraid
it might lead to bigger things like refusing to stop putting his
brother in a headlock or something. I do physically separate them
when needed. What am I missing in my thinking?
Adrean
am not sure what he's thinking.
We went to the bank to get money deposited, etc. DS has a check every
month for him to spend money on. He pays rent and has money left for
what he wants. It is quite some change. At the bank I reminded him
of the rent and the money he owed for the toy I got for him because he
could not wait. (Lego Mars Mission set) He was upset (I would be too
if I didn't understand how money shrinks), but he paid the amounts
needed. He went over to the back of the room and played with the table
set toys for kids. I was ready to go because one twin was hungry and
wanted to eat. A gentle reminder to all... then I was left waiting at
the door with one twin. I went back again to remind him and the other
twin, but DS stayed while the rest of us stood at the door. We
FINALLY got to the van but DS lagged back, pushing at the handicapped
door button. I went back once again but he refused to look at me or
stop pushing at the button. I had to push him away gently to look at
me (remember we depend on eye contact to sign and communicate) and get
him to stop pushing the button. He kept coming back at it before
running to the van. I explained when he finally looked at me that
the button is for people who are in a wheelchair or have crutches. If
kids play with it all the time they might take out that button or put
up an ugly sign that says Parents, please do not allow your children
to play with the HC button...
DS can be intense sometimes. He has an acute sense of unfairness to
himself, never mind how "fair" others are being. He can stomp off if
he doesn't get what he wants right now. I am understanding (or trying
to in my n00b stage) but when he's got his brothers in a headlock or
when his younger twin brothers are stomping around and pouting like
him, I'm worried.
For the aforementioned situation, I made quite some mistakes. I
should have not loaned him the money in the first place, instead have
worked out him going to get a gift card that he could use to spend
online on what he wanted with his allowance. I am not sure what to do
when he gets into intense mode. With the stomping and pouting, I
ignore him (I have given him hugs in the past but it seemed to make
the episodes worse and plus I put myself in danger of being hit.).
But when he refuses to stop something like push the handicapped door
button or leave the TV remote alone when it's time to go, I'm afraid
it might lead to bigger things like refusing to stop putting his
brother in a headlock or something. I do physically separate them
when needed. What am I missing in my thinking?
Adrean
mimiphilomena
> For the aforementioned situation, I made quite some mistakes. IWhat worked in situations like these with my daughter was for me to
> should have not loaned him the money in the first place, instead have
> worked out him going to get a gift card that he could use to spend
> online on what he wanted with his allowance.
> Adrean
>
buy the item she wanted, and when she had the money, then she could
have the toy or whatever. For some reason, she was fine with my buying
it and putting it up, then when she had her allowance money, "buying"
it from me. She was not fine with my lending her the money, her
getting the toy immediately, and then when she had the money, having
to pay me back- she would complain, "Why are you taking my money?!"
Mary
Adrean Clark
Great idea! I'll try that next time. The waiting is going to be
difficult because I enjoy seeing him to playing too heh. :)
Adrean
difficult because I enjoy seeing him to playing too heh. :)
Adrean
Maisha Khalfani
I'm at a loss.your son pays rent? You loan him money??? I'm not judging -
just confused.
Be at peace,
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/
"The significant problems that we face cannot be solved by the same level of
thinking we were at when we created them." ~ Albert Einstein
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Adrean Clark
Sent: Saturday, February 09, 2008 12:35 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] not stopping...?
Yesterday a situation came up with my oldest that has me concerned. I
am not sure what he's thinking.
We went to the bank to get money deposited, etc. DS has a check every
month for him to spend money on. He pays rent and has money left for
what he wants. It is quite some change. At the bank I reminded him
of the rent and the money he owed for the toy I got for him because he
could not wait. (Lego Mars Mission set) He was upset (I would be too
if I didn't understand how money shrinks), but he paid the amounts
needed. He went over to the back of the room and played with the table
set toys for kids. I was ready to go because one twin was hungry and
wanted to eat. A gentle reminder to all... then I was left waiting at
the door with one twin. I went back again to remind him and the other
twin, but DS stayed while the rest of us stood at the door. We
FINALLY got to the van but DS lagged back, pushing at the handicapped
door button. I went back once again but he refused to look at me or
stop pushing at the button. I had to push him away gently to look at
me (remember we depend on eye contact to sign and communicate) and get
him to stop pushing the button. He kept coming back at it before
running to the van. I explained when he finally looked at me that
the button is for people who are in a wheelchair or have crutches. If
kids play with it all the time they might take out that button or put
up an ugly sign that says Parents, please do not allow your children
to play with the HC button...
DS can be intense sometimes. He has an acute sense of unfairness to
himself, never mind how "fair" others are being. He can stomp off if
he doesn't get what he wants right now. I am understanding (or trying
to in my n00b stage) but when he's got his brothers in a headlock or
when his younger twin brothers are stomping around and pouting like
him, I'm worried.
For the aforementioned situation, I made quite some mistakes. I
should have not loaned him the money in the first place, instead have
worked out him going to get a gift card that he could use to spend
online on what he wanted with his allowance. I am not sure what to do
when he gets into intense mode. With the stomping and pouting, I
ignore him (I have given him hugs in the past but it seemed to make
the episodes worse and plus I put myself in danger of being hit.).
But when he refuses to stop something like push the handicapped door
button or leave the TV remote alone when it's time to go, I'm afraid
it might lead to bigger things like refusing to stop putting his
brother in a headlock or something. I do physically separate them
when needed. What am I missing in my thinking?
Adrean
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
just confused.
Be at peace,
Maisha
http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/
"The significant problems that we face cannot be solved by the same level of
thinking we were at when we created them." ~ Albert Einstein
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Adrean Clark
Sent: Saturday, February 09, 2008 12:35 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] not stopping...?
Yesterday a situation came up with my oldest that has me concerned. I
am not sure what he's thinking.
We went to the bank to get money deposited, etc. DS has a check every
month for him to spend money on. He pays rent and has money left for
what he wants. It is quite some change. At the bank I reminded him
of the rent and the money he owed for the toy I got for him because he
could not wait. (Lego Mars Mission set) He was upset (I would be too
if I didn't understand how money shrinks), but he paid the amounts
needed. He went over to the back of the room and played with the table
set toys for kids. I was ready to go because one twin was hungry and
wanted to eat. A gentle reminder to all... then I was left waiting at
the door with one twin. I went back again to remind him and the other
twin, but DS stayed while the rest of us stood at the door. We
FINALLY got to the van but DS lagged back, pushing at the handicapped
door button. I went back once again but he refused to look at me or
stop pushing at the button. I had to push him away gently to look at
me (remember we depend on eye contact to sign and communicate) and get
him to stop pushing the button. He kept coming back at it before
running to the van. I explained when he finally looked at me that
the button is for people who are in a wheelchair or have crutches. If
kids play with it all the time they might take out that button or put
up an ugly sign that says Parents, please do not allow your children
to play with the HC button...
DS can be intense sometimes. He has an acute sense of unfairness to
himself, never mind how "fair" others are being. He can stomp off if
he doesn't get what he wants right now. I am understanding (or trying
to in my n00b stage) but when he's got his brothers in a headlock or
when his younger twin brothers are stomping around and pouting like
him, I'm worried.
For the aforementioned situation, I made quite some mistakes. I
should have not loaned him the money in the first place, instead have
worked out him going to get a gift card that he could use to spend
online on what he wanted with his allowance. I am not sure what to do
when he gets into intense mode. With the stomping and pouting, I
ignore him (I have given him hugs in the past but it seemed to make
the episodes worse and plus I put myself in danger of being hit.).
But when he refuses to stop something like push the handicapped door
button or leave the TV remote alone when it's time to go, I'm afraid
it might lead to bigger things like refusing to stop putting his
brother in a headlock or something. I do physically separate them
when needed. What am I missing in my thinking?
Adrean
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mimiphilomena
I don't know about the rent, but as for lending my daughter money, in
my situation, my daughter always wanted everything she saw in the
store. Sometimes I needed to go to the store when she was with me. She
would go into a practically suicidal state to have to live with us not
buying her every single thing that appealed to her. I understand. It
is difficult for children to see things and not be able to touch them,
have them, at least for a while. So I started giving her allowance- I
don't remember, maybe it was dollars equal to her age in years (ie 7
years old= $7) per week or month- that would be the money that could
be spent on her desires, and it was hers. And it worked, but if she
wanted something more expensive than her stash of $$ allowed, it did
not work for me to buy it for her and then have her reimburse me. For
some reason it did work to buy it and save it until she could pay for it.
I feel like I'm rambling, so I will stop now : )
Mary
--- In [email protected], "Maisha Khalfani"
<maitai373@...> wrote:
my situation, my daughter always wanted everything she saw in the
store. Sometimes I needed to go to the store when she was with me. She
would go into a practically suicidal state to have to live with us not
buying her every single thing that appealed to her. I understand. It
is difficult for children to see things and not be able to touch them,
have them, at least for a while. So I started giving her allowance- I
don't remember, maybe it was dollars equal to her age in years (ie 7
years old= $7) per week or month- that would be the money that could
be spent on her desires, and it was hers. And it worked, but if she
wanted something more expensive than her stash of $$ allowed, it did
not work for me to buy it for her and then have her reimburse me. For
some reason it did work to buy it and save it until she could pay for it.
I feel like I'm rambling, so I will stop now : )
Mary
--- In [email protected], "Maisha Khalfani"
<maitai373@...> wrote:
>judging -
> I'm at a loss.your son pays rent? You loan him money??? I'm not
> just confused.level of
>
>
>
> Be at peace,
>
> Maisha
>
> http://khalfanifamilyadventures.blogspot.com/
>
>
>
> "The significant problems that we face cannot be solved by the same
> thinking we were at when we created them." ~ Albert Einstein
Pamela Sorooshian
I went back to the original question -
On Feb 9, 2008, at 9:34 AM, Adrean Clark wrote:
>
> We went to the bank to get money deposited, etc. DS has a check every
> month for him to spend money on. He pays rent and has money left for
> what he wants. It is quite some change. At the bank I reminded him
> of the rent and the money he owed for the toy I got for him because he
> could not wait. (Lego Mars Mission set) He was upset (I would be too
> if I didn't understand how money shrinks), but he paid the amounts
> needed. He
I think he is 8 years old?
Adrean, don't you think there is plenty of time, in the future, for
him to learn about paying rent and about taking out loans and all that
stuff? He's so young that what you're doing, really, is sort of the
equivalent of holding out a delicious cookie and waiting for him to
reach for it and then snatching it back and eating it yourself.
Let him be a kid, support his interests, provide a stimulating
environment, and he will learn what is appropriate for himself at this
age.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
John Lee Clark
Dear Pam and others:
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. But perhaps I can offer another
perspective.
Adrean is my wife, and her three boys are also my boys, but we currently
live in different states. The boys get a check each month, thanks to my
being on SSDI. It is automatic "child support." While Adrean could be
taking full control of the boys' checks, she is giving them the opportunity
to handle their respective checks. She does really need part of that money
to cover rent, while using her own limited income for everything else.
I have been enjoying discussions of truth-telling as opposed to what is
really lying. I may be wrong, but by Adrean's arrangement, she is
practicing higher transparency with the boys than she would be if she
deposited all of the money herself and handled it all herself, took the
needed portions from the boys' checks without their knowing or something
like that. Wouldn't that be worse?
Just another angle to look at this situation. By the way, I appreciate
learning a lot from you all on this list! I look forward to practicing what
I have learned should we have the opportunity to live together again!
John
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. But perhaps I can offer another
perspective.
Adrean is my wife, and her three boys are also my boys, but we currently
live in different states. The boys get a check each month, thanks to my
being on SSDI. It is automatic "child support." While Adrean could be
taking full control of the boys' checks, she is giving them the opportunity
to handle their respective checks. She does really need part of that money
to cover rent, while using her own limited income for everything else.
I have been enjoying discussions of truth-telling as opposed to what is
really lying. I may be wrong, but by Adrean's arrangement, she is
practicing higher transparency with the boys than she would be if she
deposited all of the money herself and handled it all herself, took the
needed portions from the boys' checks without their knowing or something
like that. Wouldn't that be worse?
Just another angle to look at this situation. By the way, I appreciate
learning a lot from you all on this list! I look forward to practicing what
I have learned should we have the opportunity to live together again!
John
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Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.20.2/1270 - Release Date: 2/10/2008
12:21 PM
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Checked by AVG Free Edition.
Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.20.2/1270 - Release Date: 2/10/2008
12:21 PM
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Adrean Clark
> He's so young that what you're doing, really, is sort of the*****
> equivalent of holding out a delicious cookie and waiting for him to
> reach for it and then snatching it back and eating it yourself.
>I was thinking also that these are awfully big concepts for an 8 year*****
>old to grasp.
That does make sense, doesn't it?
I'm struggling a lot on what to let the kids handle and what to expect
of them right now. Being a resource to the kids is much better if the
resource isn't the same thing hindering them from growing. I most
certainly need work in that area.
I was thinking today about "Because I said so." Thought it would be
better to have my kid tell a playmate, "We can't do this because we
don't have the money for the wood yet, let's do...." instead of, "We
can't do this because Momma says so." I can remember a lot of
projects I imagined doing when a kid but feeling frustrated and angry
because I didn't have the means and my ideas kept being dismissed as
childish by adults.
*thoughtful*
Adrean
wisdomalways5
I think you may be accomplishing them hating bills so much they will
not be willing to pay them as adults because they do not HAVE to any
more. See they had to pay bills growing up and it took out of their
spending money and that is no fun.
I think it would be more benefical to give them so much of whatever
is left over- then it is free and clear. Do the expenses even if it
is still the same amount of money and not make them pay for stuff-
unless they truly have a choice to say - no bills this month I want
toys- then how is it helping them.
I see what you are trying to do but clearly the child is not
handling it well and it may need to be adjusted.
Julie
--- In [email protected], "John Lee Clark"
<johnlee.clark@...> wrote:
not be willing to pay them as adults because they do not HAVE to any
more. See they had to pay bills growing up and it took out of their
spending money and that is no fun.
I think it would be more benefical to give them so much of whatever
is left over- then it is free and clear. Do the expenses even if it
is still the same amount of money and not make them pay for stuff-
unless they truly have a choice to say - no bills this month I want
toys- then how is it helping them.
I see what you are trying to do but clearly the child is not
handling it well and it may need to be adjusted.
Julie
--- In [email protected], "John Lee Clark"
<johnlee.clark@...> wrote:
>another
> Dear Pam and others:
>
> Thank you for sharing your thoughts. But perhaps I can offer
> perspective.currently
>
> Adrean is my wife, and her three boys are also my boys, but we
> live in different states. The boys get a check each month, thanksto my
> being on SSDI. It is automatic "child support." While Adreancould be
> taking full control of the boys' checks, she is giving them theopportunity
> to handle their respective checks. She does really need part ofthat money
> to cover rent, while using her own limited income for everythingelse.
>what is
> I have been enjoying discussions of truth-telling as opposed to
> really lying. I may be wrong, but by Adrean's arrangement, she isshe
> practicing higher transparency with the boys than she would be if
> deposited all of the money herself and handled it all herself,took the
> needed portions from the boys' checks without their knowing orsomething
> like that. Wouldn't that be worse?appreciate
>
> Just another angle to look at this situation. By the way, I
> learning a lot from you all on this list! I look forward topracticing what
> I have learned should we have the opportunity to live togetheragain!
>2/10/2008
> John
>
>
> No virus found in this incoming message.
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.20.2/1270 - Release Date:
> 12:21 PM2/10/2008
>
>
>
> No virus found in this outgoing message.
> Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> Version: 7.5.516 / Virus Database: 269.20.2/1270 - Release Date:
> 12:21 PM
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
RLR
Hello,
My kids are 7 and 9 and very interested in Chess. They've done the Fritz
and Chesster CDROMS. They'd like to try going to a tournament. Are there
any good books/resources that they can utilize to improve their game? If
you or your kids are interested in Chess, please do share ideas/tips. DH
and I are total non-Chess-players L.
Thanks,
Rima
Chess <crossposted>
My kids are 7 and 9 and very interested in Chess. They've done the Fritz
and Chesster CDROMS. They'd like to try going to a tournament. Are there
any good books/resources that they can utilize to improve their game? If
you or your kids are interested in Chess, please do share ideas/tips. DH
and I are total non-Chess-players L.
Thanks,
Rima
Chess <crossposted>
Nicole Willoughby
I dont know about books really. Courtney plays against me and dad and also plays against the computer. If you have windows vista you should have a chess game on your computer.
nicole
---------------------------------
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nicole
---------------------------------
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Debra Rossing
If you've got a PS2 there's a good Chessmaster game for it - multiple
skill levels, play against a human or the computer, it can do post-game
analysis, keep track of statistics, etc. And, it's also got a chess
puzzle feature like they have in the newspaper. It's also fun to set it
to be computer vs computer with the animated pieces and it's like
watching Wizard Chess in Harry Potter as the pieces walk across the
board and smash each other.
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
skill levels, play against a human or the computer, it can do post-game
analysis, keep track of statistics, etc. And, it's also got a chess
puzzle feature like they have in the newspaper. It's also fun to set it
to be computer vs computer with the animated pieces and it's like
watching Wizard Chess in Harry Potter as the pieces walk across the
board and smash each other.
Deb
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This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
CNC Software, Inc.
www.mastercam.com
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