Lisa Blocker

I have a question about something that is making my 6 yr old a worried little guy! Recently War of the Worlds was on television.... dh and the older kids hadn't seen it so we were watching it(Tom Cruise version). My 6 yr old came in and saw some of the action and decided it was a bit too intense and scary for him. He continued to kind of come in and out and settled in his room to watch another movie, I checked on him a few times and he seemed fine.
Flash forward to this week .... yesterday he told me he had a dream that the world ended and wanted to know if that was going to happen. I asked him why he was thinking about that and did the movie bother him. He said that the idea came from the movie and that it seemed scary to think about the world ending. Anyway I assured him that the movie was someone's make believe idea of what it might be like if something like that happened. I don't believe in the whole "the world's going to end in a fiery pit of destruction" stuff so I was definitely not going to tell him anything about what some people think biblically.
Yesterday he spent alot of time hanging around close ....not his little independent self as much and then last night again he woke up afraid and come into our bed. This morning he is still looking worried and hanging around close .... I have tried to talk to him a bit more about how movies are make believe etc.... he is rather angry that the person that made this movie (darn you HG Wells!) made a movie about something scary. He doesn't like it when someone scares him ... frankly I think if he had seen all of the movie he might be less afraid because he would eventually see sort of the absurd part of the premise (in my opinion it was absurd). I think the fact that he has such a vivid imagination he has thought about all of the things that he thinks might happen if our world ended. I do know also that a few of the scenes in the movie that he saw showed out of control adults fighting with one another, trying to get the last running car by
dragging the occupants out of it etc. Any out of control adult really bothers him so that could add to his worry.

I want to make sure I don't say the wrong things, I am spending alot of time cuddling him and talking about things that are real and things that aren't and how some people are entertained by scary things and some people like to watch happy things. I told him about the original airing of the story on radio and how people thought they were about to be attacked and the world was ending etc. He thought it was pretty mean to scare people like that. Anyway this is the kid that frequently stumps me... he seems to feel things so much more than my other kids... I sometimes worry that the world will not be a kind place to him!
Lisa B





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Jacquie Krauskopf

Hi!
I was a very worried child growing up. In this case the best thing is to console him as much as possible- My mom would blow me of- she did not worry and could not comprehend how others can. My dad, however, was the worrier and he would reassure me. We're Christian and that helped the most. Try to not allow your little guy to watch anything that might upset him like that. I recall being like 7 and would up watching a movie with a giant that ripped someones head off in the movie. After that, it was a very long time before i stopped imigining a giant killing us all. Reassure him all you can it helps the most. I know i was there. What not to do: Brush off any worries- always reassure and listen. Let him know you will listen to his worries no matter what. I have stomach trouble to this day on the worries i did then.
As far as the world not being kind- sometimes it is not.
Take care,
Jacquie

Lisa Blocker <jlblock01@...> wrote:
I have a question about something that is making my 6 yr old a worried little guy! Recently War of the Worlds was on television.... dh and the older kids hadn't seen it so we were watching it(Tom Cruise version). My 6 yr old came in and saw some of the action and decided it was a bit too intense and scary for him. He continued to kind of come in and out and settled in his room to watch another movie, I checked on him a few times and he seemed fine.
Flash forward to this week .... yesterday he told me he had a dream that the world ended and wanted to know if that was going to happen. I asked him why he was thinking about that and did the movie bother him. He said that the idea came from the movie and that it seemed scary to think about the world ending. Anyway I assured him that the movie was someone's make believe idea of what it might be like if something like that happened. I don't believe in the whole "the world's going to end in a fiery pit of destruction" stuff so I was definitely not going to tell him anything about what some people think biblically.
Yesterday he spent alot of time hanging around close ....not his little independent self as much and then last night again he woke up afraid and come into our bed. This morning he is still looking worried and hanging around close .... I have tried to talk to him a bit more about how movies are make believe etc.... he is rather angry that the person that made this movie (darn you HG Wells!) made a movie about something scary. He doesn't like it when someone scares him ... frankly I think if he had seen all of the movie he might be less afraid because he would eventually see sort of the absurd part of the premise (in my opinion it was absurd). I think the fact that he has such a vivid imagination he has thought about all of the things that he thinks might happen if our world ended. I do know also that a few of the scenes in the movie that he saw showed out of control adults fighting with one another, trying to get the last running car by
dragging the occupants out of it etc. Any out of control adult really bothers him so that could add to his worry.

I want to make sure I don't say the wrong things, I am spending alot of time cuddling him and talking about things that are real and things that aren't and how some people are entertained by scary things and some people like to watch happy things. I told him about the original airing of the story on radio and how people thought they were about to be attacked and the world was ending etc. He thought it was pretty mean to scare people like that. Anyway this is the kid that frequently stumps me... he seems to feel things so much more than my other kids... I sometimes worry that the world will not be a kind place to him!
Lisa B

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riasplace3

--- In [email protected], Lisa Blocker <jlblock01@...>
wrote:

> I want to make sure I don't say the wrong things, I am spending alot
of time cuddling him and talking about things that are real and things
that aren't



You're doing the right thing! Keep it up. ; ) Around our house we
have a saying...when they ask, "Why is it like that?" about a movie the
answer is..."Because it's in the script!"
; )
Ria

Jodi Bezzola

Hi Lisa, It SO sounds like you're giving your son what he needs! What you're doing is exactly what I would want from my mom if I was a kid. After all the parenting practices I've observed this week in Walmart and Ikea, I love hearing about little ones concerns being honoured, respected and listened to.
Jodi

Lisa Blocker <jlblock01@...> wrote:
I have a question about something that is making my 6 yr old a worried little guy! Recently War of the Worlds was on television.... dh and the older kids hadn't seen it so we were watching it(Tom Cruise version). My 6 yr old came in and saw some of the action and decided it was a bit too intense and scary for him. He continued to kind of come in and out and settled in his room to watch another movie, I checked on him a few times and he seemed fine.
Flash forward to this week .... yesterday he told me he had a dream that the world ended and wanted to know if that was going to happen. I asked him why he was thinking about that and did the movie bother him. He said that the idea came from the movie and that it seemed scary to think about the world ending. Anyway I assured him that the movie was someone's make believe idea of what it might be like if something like that happened. I don't believe in the whole "the world's going to end in a fiery pit of destruction" stuff so I was definitely not going to tell him anything about what some people think biblically.
Yesterday he spent alot of time hanging around close ....not his little independent self as much and then last night again he woke up afraid and come into our bed. This morning he is still looking worried and hanging around close .... I have tried to talk to him a bit more about how movies are make believe etc.... he is rather angry that the person that made this movie (darn you HG Wells!) made a movie about something scary. He doesn't like it when someone scares him ... frankly I think if he had seen all of the movie he might be less afraid because he would eventually see sort of the absurd part of the premise (in my opinion it was absurd). I think the fact that he has such a vivid imagination he has thought about all of the things that he thinks might happen if our world ended. I do know also that a few of the scenes in the movie that he saw showed out of control adults fighting with one another, trying to get the last running car by
dragging the occupants out of it etc. Any out of control adult really bothers him so that could add to his worry.

I want to make sure I don't say the wrong things, I am spending alot of time cuddling him and talking about things that are real and things that aren't and how some people are entertained by scary things and some people like to watch happy things. I told him about the original airing of the story on radio and how people thought they were about to be attacked and the world was ending etc. He thought it was pretty mean to scare people like that. Anyway this is the kid that frequently stumps me... he seems to feel things so much more than my other kids... I sometimes worry that the world will not be a kind place to him!
Lisa B

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Nancy

My little guy LOVES film, but he has, on occassion, bitten off more
than he can chew, so to speak. He'll have a particular movie that he
ponders on and scares himself with and what often makes him feel
better is if he can see behind the scenes footage or any kind
of 'making of' extra that may be available - it seems to help him
disconnect the reality from the fantasy.
Just a suggestion (if he's up to it).

-Nancy



-- In [email protected], Lisa Blocker <jlblock01@...>
wrote:
>
> I have a question about something that is making my 6 yr old a
worried little guy! Recently War of the Worlds was on
television.... dh and the older kids hadn't seen it so we were
watching it(Tom Cruise version). My 6 yr old came in and saw some
of the action and decided it was a bit too intense and scary for
him. He continued to kind of come in and out and settled in his
room to watch another movie, I checked on him a few times and he
seemed fine.
> Flash forward to this week .... yesterday he told me he had a
dream that the world ended and wanted to know if that was going to
happen. I asked him why he was thinking about that and did the
movie bother him. He said that the idea came from the movie and that
it seemed scary to think about the world ending. Anyway I assured
him that the movie was someone's make believe idea of what it might
be like if something like that happened. I don't believe in the
whole "the world's going to end in a fiery pit of destruction" stuff
so I was definitely not going to tell him anything about what some
people think biblically.
> Yesterday he spent alot of time hanging around close ....not his
little independent self as much and then last night again he woke up
afraid and come into our bed. This morning he is still looking
worried and hanging around close .... I have tried to talk to him a
bit more about how movies are make believe etc.... he is rather angry
that the person that made this movie (darn you HG Wells!) made a
movie about something scary. He doesn't like it when someone scares
him ... frankly I think if he had seen all of the movie he might be
less afraid because he would eventually see sort of the absurd part
of the premise (in my opinion it was absurd). I think the fact that
he has such a vivid imagination he has thought about all of the
things that he thinks might happen if our world ended. I do know
also that a few of the scenes in the movie that he saw showed out of
control adults fighting with one another, trying to get the last
running car by
> dragging the occupants out of it etc. Any out of control adult
really bothers him so that could add to his worry.
>
> I want to make sure I don't say the wrong things, I am spending
alot of time cuddling him and talking about things that are real and
things that aren't and how some people are entertained by scary
things and some people like to watch happy things. I told him
about the original airing of the story on radio and how people
thought they were about to be attacked and the world was ending
etc. He thought it was pretty mean to scare people like that.
Anyway this is the kid that frequently stumps me... he seems to feel
things so much more than my other kids... I sometimes worry that the
world will not be a kind place to him!
> Lisa B
>
>
>
>
>
>
______________________________________________________________________
______________
> Looking for last minute shopping deals?
> Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
http://tools.search.yahoo.com/newsearch/category.php?category=shopping
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

lspswr

--- In [email protected], Lisa Blocker wrote:

> Yesterday he spent alot of time hanging around close ....not his
little independent self as much and then last night again he woke up
afraid and come into our bed. This morning he is still looking
worried and hanging around close .... <

I was a really fearful child, and my ds, 8, is very sensitive. The
other day he was playing a computer game and a "gruff" looking
cartoon bear appeared... ds was not further than 8 feet away from me
for the rest of the day, and spent a lot of time "glued" to me. His
fearful reactions (which can be in response to anything - movies,
books, games, news, real people, Halloween, hearing about diseases or
disasters...) are actually fairly logical. He reacts when there is
even a hint of meanness perpetrated against perceived innocence. I
was confused for a long time as to why he can watch something like
Star Wars and it's totally fine, yet cannot watch 101 Dalmatians. I
finally figured out that he just assumes that mean people/creatures
will be mean to eachother (and he actually enjoys seeing them destroy
eachother), but he cannot tolerate meanness directed at innocence.
In Star Wars the only parts that *really* bother him are those with
the Ewoks, which he perceives as peaceful, sweet, cuddly child-like
creatures. It took me forever to figure out why some things that I
thought were pretty creepy were not bothersome to him, yet almost all
Disney movies put him in a terribly fearful place.

> I am spending alot of time cuddling him and talking about things
that are real and things that aren't and how some people are
entertained by scary things and some people like to watch happy
things.<

Accepting his feelings for what they are and not trying to talk him
out of them is the best support you can give, IMO. Explaining "real"
and "entertainment" is good but he may be a bit young to make the
distinctions, especially when he FEELS so much. It's valuable to
talk about, but I wouldn't expect it to help calm his fears; I'm sure
he knows that "scary things" don't just happen in fairy tales. When
my ds is going through a scary time (which can be often) he mostly
just needs me to be supportive and to show him that I am not afraid.
He trusts me, so trusts that I know what I'm doing (?!). I will
usually offer my hand and "lets" do xyz; when he's feeling scared the
worst thing I can do is to leave the room without him or to assume
that "he'll be fine" while I just run get the phone/go to the
bathroom/put the clothes in the dryer....

I have to be careful of my words, as well. The other day we walked
into the garage and saw the door of the car had not closed and the
interior light had been on all night. I began my sentence with, "U-
oh," and instantaneously he was glued to me, before I could get the
rest of the sentence out. He would have been fine if I had left out
the "U-oh," and just stated the obvious. We had a long talk about
words and how they can create emotions where none are felt or
needed. I have been being more mindful of my word choices and
finding that I thoughtlessly use quite a few unnecessary "emotion"
words.

Like you were describing your ds as usually independent, I would
venture to say that most people would be VERY surprised to know that
my ds is scared of so many things. He's usually quite self-confidant
and many people think he is "fearless." (His grandparents think he's
far too independent and needs some "fear" put into him.) I do
attribute his confidence to being confidant that he will be accepted
and supported regardless of what he's feeling. He knows that I'm not
going to think any less of him or give him a hard time about his
feelings. I think that anything less would just make him more
fearful and would undermine the confidence that he does feel. (And
BTW, he still sleeps with us every night, and has a lot of scary
dreams, and he knows he doesn't need to ever move out of our bed if
he doesn't want to.)

Our ds's will process their worries and fears as they're ready. Our
job is to let them know that they're loved and accepted, safe and
protected, and that we're available to them to whatever degree
they're needing us.

Linda

swissarmy_wife

I have to second this. As a family who loves all things fantastical,
my oldest son grew up on fantasy movies. Long conversations, special
DVD features, and behind the scenes info helped him through all of it.
Especially the Dark Crystal. One of my favorites, but particularly
creepy. The behind the scenes stuff was exactly what he needed to
remind himself it was only a movie.

My best advice is to keep an open dialogue at all times. My oldest
watched Stardust last night. I don't think he "got" any of it. He
kept asking me to explain the whole movie. I guess its how he takes
it all in. By me. LOL

Someone said their answer to "why" was often a "because it's in the
script". I had to laugh because we are often saying "because it's a
movie".

-Heather

--- In [email protected], "Nancy" <threeboorads@...>
wrote:
>
> My little guy LOVES film, but he has, on occassion, bitten off more
> than he can chew, so to speak. He'll have a particular movie that he
> ponders on and scares himself with and what often makes him feel
> better is if he can see behind the scenes footage or any kind
> of 'making of' extra that may be available - it seems to help him
> disconnect the reality from the fantasy.
> Just a suggestion (if he's up to it).
>
> -Nancy