annx33

Hello all, I've so appreciated reading about twin 3 year olds and bedtimes and the shift into
peaceful evenings. As someone who didn't learn about unschooling until our twins were
10 and our dd 9; there were many years of evening struggle. I wanted to report
something, though, that this discussion has re-inspired in me. Lately I've been working
to support my now 14 year old twins and 13 year old late nights. They've been choosing
to stay up til 4 am and then sleep til 2 or 3 most days. This can really frustrate me; I make
plans and then hang around waiting for them to wake up, I worry about their availability to
do stuff out in the world, in the day. Also, I'm an early morning person so I just feel left
out when I don't get to spend time with them in the wee hours . . . I just can't seem to do
it.

The other night my sons got in an altercation, it was about 4:30 am. One of them woke
me up to help out. Now ordinarily that doesn't go over so well with me. I get cranky when
I get woken up. But oddly enough I woke up thinking of this list and the discussion lately
about how it really is such a short span of time, their childhood and teen years. I went
into my son's room and asked if one of them would like me to cuddle him. One of the
twins said yes. So I laid down and just started breathing and thinking about what's been
said here. I felt so grateful to be cuddling my 14 year old,(6'3 and 200 lbs!) that he even
wanted me to, that we could talk a little, laugh quietly, relax, and share this very tender
one of a kind moment -- OK so it was 4:30 in the morning, so what. I just enjoyed him, I
didn't make suggestions about how he could get to sleep earlier, or what he should do
instead of waking me up, or anything else. I felt weirdly glad to have been woken up. I
felt SO grateful to have lurked on the discussion .. . something shifted in me because of it.
Thanks to all.

Jodi Bezzola

Wow, what a gift to your son. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. (I'm the one with the twin 3 year olds :o).
Jodi

annx33 <amcarlson@...> wrote:
Hello all, I've so appreciated reading about twin 3 year olds and bedtimes and the shift into
peaceful evenings. As someone who didn't learn about unschooling until our twins were
10 and our dd 9; there were many years of evening struggle. I wanted to report
something, though, that this discussion has re-inspired in me. Lately I've been working
to support my now 14 year old twins and 13 year old late nights. They've been choosing
to stay up til 4 am and then sleep til 2 or 3 most days. This can really frustrate me; I make
plans and then hang around waiting for them to wake up, I worry about their availability to
do stuff out in the world, in the day. Also, I'm an early morning person so I just feel left
out when I don't get to spend time with them in the wee hours . . . I just can't seem to do
it.

The other night my sons got in an altercation, it was about 4:30 am. One of them woke
me up to help out. Now ordinarily that doesn't go over so well with me. I get cranky when
I get woken up. But oddly enough I woke up thinking of this list and the discussion lately
about how it really is such a short span of time, their childhood and teen years. I went
into my son's room and asked if one of them would like me to cuddle him. One of the
twins said yes. So I laid down and just started breathing and thinking about what's been
said here. I felt so grateful to be cuddling my 14 year old,(6'3 and 200 lbs!) that he even
wanted me to, that we could talk a little, laugh quietly, relax, and share this very tender
one of a kind moment -- OK so it was 4:30 in the morning, so what. I just enjoyed him, I
didn't make suggestions about how he could get to sleep earlier, or what he should do
instead of waking me up, or anything else. I felt weirdly glad to have been woken up. I
felt SO grateful to have lurked on the discussion .. . something shifted in me because of it.
Thanks to all.






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Adrean Clark

Cool, 4 year old twins here. :) Still working on bedtime too. They
like to read books in (a twin) bed with me some nights.

Adrean

>
> Wow, what a gift to your son. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. (I'm
> the one with the twin 3 year olds :o).
> Jodi
>

Jodi Bezzola

Are yours identical? Are they boys/girls? How long have you been unschooling?

Last night with our girls was *so* easy! First night it was easy really since we kaiboshed bedtime. One of the things that is showing up is that they aren't tired at the same time. They have done everything pretty much at exactly the same time since they were born, even when they have had rashes they have appeared in the same place. So again, the biggest part of this is *our* learning, not our teaching. The last 2 nights in a row Skye has asked to go to sleep before Jade and asked me to lay down with her, and she was asleep in about 3 minutes. Then Jade hung out with Ryan in the living room, asked for some cheese and crackers, then all of a sudden said she was tired, crawled onto the couch with him and fell asleep snuggled...nice! They still seem to really enjoy the bedtime routine (bath, pjs, stories in bed), then they get up and do their own thing after that.

And yay, I didn't even think of 'waiting' for them to ask to go to sleep, nor did I ask them repeatedly 'are you tired', 'are you ready to go to sleep'? Going with the flow is *so* much more enjoyable!

Jodi

Adrean Clark <adreanaline@...> wrote:
Cool, 4 year old twins here. :) Still working on bedtime too. They
like to read books in (a twin) bed with me some nights.

Adrean

>
> Wow, what a gift to your son. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. (I'm
> the one with the twin 3 year olds :o).
> Jodi
>





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rebecca de

I too, have benefited this discussion1!! yeah, everyone's working on relaxing a bit!!

This recent one about the girls needing different bed times. One of the arguments my ex and I had was he felt we should put all the kids down at the same time -- at that age ranged from 3 - 5 (3 of them) his two and mine. I had always let ds jsut fall asleep on couch, chair anywhere and was not real strict on time.. His were expected to go to bed at 9:30 at their moms and when at his moms ??? It was a continual argument, me forcing my child to go to bed when they did even when he didn't want to.... All of is it was going against my grain but I was trying to blend our families and "compromise" all I did was force my child to be angry and "unruly" (lack of better word -- he really wasn't) . Any way - boyfriend gone and I am back to creating a peaceful calm , consensual home for my boys and I.

Thank you for letting me talk...


Are yours identical? Are they boys/girls? How long have you been unschooling?

Last night with our girls was *so* easy! First night it was easy really since we kaiboshed bedtime. One of the things that is showing up is that they aren't tired at the same time. They have done everything pretty much at exactly the same time since they were born, even when they have had rashes they have appeared in the same place. So again, the biggest part of this is *our* learning, not our teaching. The last 2 nights in a row Skye has asked to go to sleep before Jade and asked me to lay down with her, and she was asleep in about 3 minutes. Then Jade hung out with Ryan in the living room, asked for some cheese and crackers, then all of a sudden said she was tired, crawled onto the couch with him and fell asleep snuggled...nice! They still seem to really enjoy the bedtime routine (bath, pjs, stories in bed), then they get up and do their own thing after that.

And yay, I didn't even think of 'waiting' for them to ask to go to sleep, nor did I ask them repeatedly 'are you tired', 'are you ready to go to sleep'? Going with the flow is *so* much more enjoyable!

Jodi

Adrean Clark <adreanaline@...> wrote:
Cool, 4 year old twins here. :) Still working on bedtime too. They
like to read books in (a twin) bed with me some nights.

Adrean

>
> Wow, what a gift to your son. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story. (I'm
> the one with the twin 3 year olds :o).
> Jodi
>

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Adrean Clark

We are very imperfect, baby unschoolers... since last Nov! :D For a
short while DS (8) had the abolished bedtime while the twins had to go
to bed because of preschool (pretty much constrained them in their
rooms with piles of books and by sitting at the doorway. Lots of
headaches and exhaustion.)

Now that they are all unschooled, I pretty much go with the flow of
the evening. I try to be aware of myself and my energy limits so I
don't melt down and order everyone off to bed. They mostly watch
videos and bounce off of a mini-trampoline or do some drawing and
Legos during the evening. When I feel my reserves start to drain,
then I start turning the lights out and migrating to the bedroom.

Earlier I thought they'd want to dress themselves for bed and do the
brushing, etc., but I realized I'd need to offer them the clothes and
the toothbrushes for them to "want" it. They have the option of
taking it or not. Most of the time they take the toothbrushes,
sometimes they don't take the pajamas. Then I get a stack of picture
books and start reading with them in my bed. They KO soon after that.
It's what's worked for us the last two nights or so anyway. :) We'll
see about tonight.

The oldest tends to go to bed when I do. Things get boring when no
one's around. :D

The twins are identical but don't really look alike. All boys.
(After three generations of girls on my mother's side. :) )

Adrean

> Are yours identical? Are they boys/girls? How long have you been
> unschooling?

Adrean Clark

Going with the flow *is * fun. :D It helps in the long run to remember
the successful moments as you mention. :D

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: annx33 <amcarlson@...>

I felt weirdly glad to have been woken up.
I felt SO grateful to have lurked on the discussion .. . something
shifted in me
because of it.
Thanks to all.

-=-=-=-=-

That was really sweet to read. Thanks for sharing!



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

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Jodi Bezzola

We are babies too. I've been reading since last fall, but everything just clicked into place a few weeks ago. Easy evening have only been happening for about 4 nights now. Last night was *so* lovely! I've been able to let go of 'waiting' for them to ask to go to bed and just *be*. And they seem to have relaxed into the evenings too knowing that they are running their own show. Last night they didn't get out of bed at all once they asked to go to sleep, and were asleep in under 2 minutes.

What seems to work for us is to cuddle up on the couch with a movie or books, otherwise they just seem to go and go and go until 11p.m. They really get excited about us all cuddling on the couch, and it at least enables them to stop long enough to realize they're tired. The food thing is interesting too. Since we have stopped making a big deal about them sitting with us at the table to eat dinner they don't! Last night they chose to not have one bite of anything supperish, and suprisingly it was totally okay for me.

Apparently I am finally learning to go with the flow. Following their lead is so ultra calm, they get their wants and their needs met, they don't have to meltdown because someone is constantly saying no and not hearing them (not to say we never have meltdowns, they are still 3 years old and emotionally roller coasting pretty much all day).

I do the same thing with pjs and teeth brushing. Last night Jade said yes she wanted to brush and Skye said no - then all on her own this morning went and brushed her teeth. The universe and my children truly are perfect.

Jodi

Adrean Clark <adreanaline@...> wrote:
We are very imperfect, baby unschoolers... since last Nov! :D For a
short while DS (8) had the abolished bedtime while the twins had to go
to bed because of preschool (pretty much constrained them in their
rooms with piles of books and by sitting at the doorway. Lots of
headaches and exhaustion.)

Now that they are all unschooled, I pretty much go with the flow of
the evening. I try to be aware of myself and my energy limits so I
don't melt down and order everyone off to bed. They mostly watch
videos and bounce off of a mini-trampoline or do some drawing and
Legos during the evening. When I feel my reserves start to drain,
then I start turning the lights out and migrating to the bedroom.

Earlier I thought they'd want to dress themselves for bed and do the
brushing, etc., but I realized I'd need to offer them the clothes and
the toothbrushes for them to "want" it. They have the option of
taking it or not. Most of the time they take the toothbrushes,
sometimes they don't take the pajamas. Then I get a stack of picture
books and start reading with them in my bed. They KO soon after that.
It's what's worked for us the last two nights or so anyway. :) We'll
see about tonight.

The oldest tends to go to bed when I do. Things get boring when no
one's around. :D

The twins are identical but don't really look alike. All boys.
(After three generations of girls on my mother's side. :) )

Adrean

> Are yours identical? Are they boys/girls? How long have you been
> unschooling?





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wisdomalways5

I have sisters who are twins- they are half identical and half
faternal- one egg two sperm- they thought they were identical since
they were sharing blood but they have different blood types so they
did some testing.



--- In [email protected], "Adrean Clark"
<adreanaline@...> wrote:
>
> We are very imperfect, baby unschoolers... since last Nov! :D For
a
> short while DS (8) had the abolished bedtime while the twins had
to go
> to bed because of preschool (pretty much constrained them in their
> rooms with piles of books and by sitting at the doorway. Lots of
> headaches and exhaustion.)
>
> Now that they are all unschooled, I pretty much go with the flow of
> the evening. I try to be aware of myself and my energy limits so I
> don't melt down and order everyone off to bed. They mostly watch
> videos and bounce off of a mini-trampoline or do some drawing and
> Legos during the evening. When I feel my reserves start to drain,
> then I start turning the lights out and migrating to the bedroom.
>
> Earlier I thought they'd want to dress themselves for bed and do
the
> brushing, etc., but I realized I'd need to offer them the clothes
and
> the toothbrushes for them to "want" it. They have the option of
> taking it or not. Most of the time they take the toothbrushes,
> sometimes they don't take the pajamas. Then I get a stack of
picture
> books and start reading with them in my bed. They KO soon after
that.
> It's what's worked for us the last two nights or so anyway. :)
We'll
> see about tonight.
>
> The oldest tends to go to bed when I do. Things get boring when no
> one's around. :D
>
> The twins are identical but don't really look alike. All boys.
> (After three generations of girls on my mother's side. :) )
>
> Adrean
>
> > Are yours identical? Are they boys/girls? How long have you been
> > unschooling?
>