Alison Broadbent

Hi Kiersten,

Our ds established his own routine from birth. It seemed odd to me that
that was acceptable when they were infants. Of course we all fed on demand
and infants slept when they slept but between 1 and 2 society shifts and
doesn't extend this any more. My son stayed up really late and bc i would
wake up for a couple of hrs every night, I couldn't get enough sleep by the
time he would get up. I was a wreck. Everybody around me was pushing for
me to do some sleep training. I was having doubts about my choices bc I was
so tired. I went to our ped for help. He said, 'I look at you and see a
very tired mother. I look at your son and see a very happy child. If i
saw a woman completely wrecked by lack of sleep, I'd suggest some sleep
training but I don't see that. As long as you can do it, keep doing just
what you're doing. Your son will get exactly the amount of sleep he needs.'
That's all the support I needed to keep going. i did make some changes
though. My dh travels and I hired someone to come in in the mornings when
he was away for a few hrs so i could get extra sleep.

I think you might find a whole different child when you no longer make such
an issue of sleep. What about the 2 kids sleeping together if you don't
feel comfortable having her sleep in you room. I'm sure there would be a
period of transition when it's all too too exciting but sleeping alone isn't
a pleasant proposition for a child. Perhaps your older child would shift his
sleeping until later so they could be on a more similar schedule. I think
you have to thing creatively about the situation. Se what you can come up
with that wouldn't wreck you and could work for the whole family.

My ds is 4 1/2. Sometimes he would be happy to stay up past midnight and we
just can't do it and I tell him, I'm done for the night. Got to go to bed.
We get into bed and he inevitably will come within a few minutes. My basic
philosophy has been: we're a family and we all have needs. I'll do my
darndest to meet those needs of everybody (including my own) but inevitably
sometimes those will collide. Then we'll talk and see what we can come up
with. I think it's good and important for my ds to know that i also have
needs and I'm taking care of myself and won't be self sacrificing. It may
look like self sacrificing to someone else but that's bc I'd like to get to
a place where he gets what he needs. But that definitely has limits. And
those things can't be set in stone. I think the negotiating and talking
that goes on bc of this is something he'll be able to build on throughout
his life.

Alison

Kiersten Pasciak

Hi Allison,

My husband and I have been talking about giving the kids the option
to sleep in the same room when they want to. I am going to see how
everything goes.

Your point is a great one for me.
Emma is a really happy kid. About the only things she cries over are
teething and having to go to sleep. (And being in the car when she
was an infant)

I think if I let go of this power struggle, I will get to enjoy her
even more. And I will like myself better too!

I am glad to hear things worked out well for your family!

Kiersten