Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/5/2008 8:26:39 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@... writes:
I have a ds like that. But I have a question.
Did he want this hair cut?
Mine only gets his hair cut when he wants. He actully had long hair for a
year until he told me to cut it all out a few months ago.
Alex
_______________-
I need advice on this one. I don't want to make Julian wash or brush his
hair, or cut it....but it's now one big mat and I'm at a loss. He hates water in
his face, hates the feeling of the brush and is scared of getting his hair
cut. This is becoming a HUGE issue between he, DH and myself. *I* say let it
go, he'll be ready when he's ready, Juan (DH) sees it as a reflection upon
himself and myself as parents. People tease Julian all the time, including Papa,
and I'm stuck in what FEELS like the middle. What I usually do, is support
Julian's fear and uncomfortable feelings, but still wash as gently as I can and
as quickly - this happens only every week or so, MAX, due to his fears and
sensitivities to water and brushes/combs (he also is slightly SPD and I KNOW
it's part of this). I talk to him gently, help him try and cope with his
fears...but get so much pressure from others...I just don't know what to do. It's
a huge issue in the house.
And I can cope with bluntness, ok? In fact, I WANT it. My gut says "let it
go, he's ready when he's ready" but part of me is the Old Me that says it
"must" be dealt with.
Karen
(he's 5, long hair, btw...I asked for help on another list for SPD, while
the advice was helpful for untangling, it wasn't RU in any way, really)
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
polykowholsteins@... writes:
I have a ds like that. But I have a question.
Did he want this hair cut?
Mine only gets his hair cut when he wants. He actully had long hair for a
year until he told me to cut it all out a few months ago.
Alex
_______________-
I need advice on this one. I don't want to make Julian wash or brush his
hair, or cut it....but it's now one big mat and I'm at a loss. He hates water in
his face, hates the feeling of the brush and is scared of getting his hair
cut. This is becoming a HUGE issue between he, DH and myself. *I* say let it
go, he'll be ready when he's ready, Juan (DH) sees it as a reflection upon
himself and myself as parents. People tease Julian all the time, including Papa,
and I'm stuck in what FEELS like the middle. What I usually do, is support
Julian's fear and uncomfortable feelings, but still wash as gently as I can and
as quickly - this happens only every week or so, MAX, due to his fears and
sensitivities to water and brushes/combs (he also is slightly SPD and I KNOW
it's part of this). I talk to him gently, help him try and cope with his
fears...but get so much pressure from others...I just don't know what to do. It's
a huge issue in the house.
And I can cope with bluntness, ok? In fact, I WANT it. My gut says "let it
go, he's ready when he's ready" but part of me is the Old Me that says it
"must" be dealt with.
Karen
(he's 5, long hair, btw...I asked for help on another list for SPD, while
the advice was helpful for untangling, it wasn't RU in any way, really)
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kathy Culwell
I have recently discovered a wonderful hairbrush that I use on my
curly long haired boy. Its very gentle. Much more gentle than even
my careful finger combing with conditioner which he always says
ouch no matter how careful I am. He never says ouch with this
brush and will in fact try to use it himself. The brand name is
Bass and the number on it is 876SB. 100% wild boar/ soft. I
had the stomach flu a last week and my hair was a wild matted
mess and my dd brushed my hair for me and it never once hurt
as she detangled it! I think it cost about $12. Good luck!
Kathy
curly long haired boy. Its very gentle. Much more gentle than even
my careful finger combing with conditioner which he always says
ouch no matter how careful I am. He never says ouch with this
brush and will in fact try to use it himself. The brand name is
Bass and the number on it is 876SB. 100% wild boar/ soft. I
had the stomach flu a last week and my hair was a wild matted
mess and my dd brushed my hair for me and it never once hurt
as she detangled it! I think it cost about $12. Good luck!
Kathy
----- Original Message -----
From: Kidgie@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, January 05, 2008 11:59 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
In a message dated 1/5/2008 8:26:39 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@... writes:
I have a ds like that. But I have a question.
Did he want this hair cut?
Mine only gets his hair cut when he wants. He actully had long hair for a
year until he told me to cut it all out a few months ago.
Alex
_______________-
I need advice on this one. I don't want to make Julian wash or brush his
hair, or cut it....but it's now one big mat and I'm at a loss. He hates water in
his face, hates the feeling of the brush and is scared of getting his hair
cut. This is becoming a HUGE issue between he, DH and myself. *I* say let it
go, he'll be ready when he's ready, Juan (DH) sees it as a reflection upon
himself and myself as parents. People tease Julian all the time, including Papa,
and I'm stuck in what FEELS like the middle. What I usually do, is support
Julian's fear and uncomfortable feelings, but still wash as gently as I can and
as quickly - this happens only every week or so, MAX, due to his fears and
sensitivities to water and brushes/combs (he also is slightly SPD and I KNOW
it's part of this). I talk to him gently, help him try and cope with his
fears...but get so much pressure from others...I just don't know what to do. It's
a huge issue in the house.
And I can cope with bluntness, ok? In fact, I WANT it. My gut says "let it
go, he's ready when he's ready" but part of me is the Old Me that says it
"must" be dealt with.
Karen
(he's 5, long hair, btw...I asked for help on another list for SPD, while
the advice was helpful for untangling, it wasn't RU in any way, really)
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
There are many questions here.
Does he want his hair long?
Does he mind it is tangled?
You can have him in dreads. You can untangle with your hands ( just gently pull apart the hair) Tkes a logn time and patience but works great.
He might decide he just wnats it shaved off. No hair to deal with. just and inch of fur.
He might like to use a braid or pony tail to keep hair from getiting matted.
As for washing my ds is the same way but he does eventually let me wash it. I am just super careful not to get his face wet.
He did go longs times without washing and his hair still felt and smelled wonderful ( as much as 4-6 weeks)
You can use self rinse shamppos ( no water needed)
You can use a little spray with conditioner or essencial oils and water to help demmatt and clean if needed.
Even corn starch and baking soda can be used to keep hair clean I heard.
My ds did not need anything as his hair really never got dirty or tangled ( very sliky).
As for dad you need to talk to him.
Remind him of all the manly man that has long hair and that it is a self expression he needs to respect.
So many big, strong maly guys have long hair.
Bullying his son will most likely erode the little boy's self steem and their relationship.
Alex
----- Original Message ----
From: "Kidgie@..." <Kidgie@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, January 5, 2008 11:59:35 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
In a message dated 1/5/2008 8:26:39 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com writes:
I have a ds like that. But I have a question.
Did he want this hair cut?
Mine only gets his hair cut when he wants. He actully had long hair for a
year until he told me to cut it all out a few months ago.
Alex
____________ ___-
I need advice on this one. I don't want to make Julian wash or brush his
hair, or cut it....but it's now one big mat and I'm at a loss. He hates water in
his face, hates the feeling of the brush and is scared of getting his hair
cut. This is becoming a HUGE issue between he, DH and myself. *I* say let it
go, he'll be ready when he's ready, Juan (DH) sees it as a reflection upon
himself and myself as parents. People tease Julian all the time, including Papa,
and I'm stuck in what FEELS like the middle. What I usually do, is support
Julian's fear and uncomfortable feelings, but still wash as gently as I can and
as quickly - this happens only every week or so, MAX, due to his fears and
sensitivities to water and brushes/combs (he also is slightly SPD and I KNOW
it's part of this). I talk to him gently, help him try and cope with his
fears...but get so much pressure from others...I just don't know what to do. It's
a huge issue in the house.
And I can cope with bluntness, ok? In fact, I WANT it. My gut says "let it
go, he's ready when he's ready" but part of me is the Old Me that says it
"must" be dealt with.
Karen
(he's 5, long hair, btw...I asked for help on another list for SPD, while
the advice was helpful for untangling, it wasn't RU in any way, really)
************ **Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body. aol.com/fitness/ winter-exercise? NCID=aolcmp00300 000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Does he want his hair long?
Does he mind it is tangled?
You can have him in dreads. You can untangle with your hands ( just gently pull apart the hair) Tkes a logn time and patience but works great.
He might decide he just wnats it shaved off. No hair to deal with. just and inch of fur.
He might like to use a braid or pony tail to keep hair from getiting matted.
As for washing my ds is the same way but he does eventually let me wash it. I am just super careful not to get his face wet.
He did go longs times without washing and his hair still felt and smelled wonderful ( as much as 4-6 weeks)
You can use self rinse shamppos ( no water needed)
You can use a little spray with conditioner or essencial oils and water to help demmatt and clean if needed.
Even corn starch and baking soda can be used to keep hair clean I heard.
My ds did not need anything as his hair really never got dirty or tangled ( very sliky).
As for dad you need to talk to him.
Remind him of all the manly man that has long hair and that it is a self expression he needs to respect.
So many big, strong maly guys have long hair.
Bullying his son will most likely erode the little boy's self steem and their relationship.
Alex
----- Original Message ----
From: "Kidgie@..." <Kidgie@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, January 5, 2008 11:59:35 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
In a message dated 1/5/2008 8:26:39 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com writes:
I have a ds like that. But I have a question.
Did he want this hair cut?
Mine only gets his hair cut when he wants. He actully had long hair for a
year until he told me to cut it all out a few months ago.
Alex
____________ ___-
I need advice on this one. I don't want to make Julian wash or brush his
hair, or cut it....but it's now one big mat and I'm at a loss. He hates water in
his face, hates the feeling of the brush and is scared of getting his hair
cut. This is becoming a HUGE issue between he, DH and myself. *I* say let it
go, he'll be ready when he's ready, Juan (DH) sees it as a reflection upon
himself and myself as parents. People tease Julian all the time, including Papa,
and I'm stuck in what FEELS like the middle. What I usually do, is support
Julian's fear and uncomfortable feelings, but still wash as gently as I can and
as quickly - this happens only every week or so, MAX, due to his fears and
sensitivities to water and brushes/combs (he also is slightly SPD and I KNOW
it's part of this). I talk to him gently, help him try and cope with his
fears...but get so much pressure from others...I just don't know what to do. It's
a huge issue in the house.
And I can cope with bluntness, ok? In fact, I WANT it. My gut says "let it
go, he's ready when he's ready" but part of me is the Old Me that says it
"must" be dealt with.
Karen
(he's 5, long hair, btw...I asked for help on another list for SPD, while
the advice was helpful for untangling, it wasn't RU in any way, really)
************ **Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body. aol.com/fitness/ winter-exercise? NCID=aolcmp00300 000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/5/2008 10:26:18 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@... writes:
I'm going to answer in sections, ok? Thanks so much!
There are many questions here.
Does he want his hair long?
Yes, he does. Papa has long hair too - to his waist, in fact.
Does he mind it is tangled?
I'm not really sure. I think he cares very little. But he clearly cares what
Papa thinks and what others say to him. It's myself and my dad that (and his
wife) that say next to nothing, usually nothing. His big brother and
sisters, Papa, my mom and his Tios tease him.
You can have him in dreads.
It's kinda like one, single dread now :)
You can untangle with your hands ( just gently pull apart the hair) Tkes a
logn time and patience but works great.
I've tried a bit, but will try more. He's VERY head sensitive, and now fear
is adding to it - adrenaline, anxiety over it. So now, the emotional aspects
are equally as painful as the physical.
He might decide he just wants it shaved off. No hair to deal with. just and
inch of fur.
He's scared silly of that idea. Change is not cool with Mr. Julian right now
- I *think* he thinks he won't be HIM anymore, so as for now, that's not an
option.
He might like to use a braid or pony tail to keep hair from getting matted.
Tried that, but the brushing it took to get the braid or pony in was so hard
for him, this is now the result. Power struggles are HORRID and that's what
seems to be happening over and over.
As for washing my ds is the same way but he does eventually let me wash it.
I am just super careful not to get his face wet.
We've tried so many ways to make sure that doesn't happen. It's his fear of
it happening that seems to be the worst part.
He did go longs times without washing and his hair still felt and smelled
wonderful ( as much as 4-6 weeks)
We've done that too, but it didn't smell "wonderful." Not bad though either.
You can use self rinse shamppos ( no water needed)
THAT sounds GREAT! Where are they???
You can use a little spray with conditioner or essencial oils and water to
help demmatt and clean if needed.
I'm thinking of a product called Dread Remover - it's just costly, and since
it's not Julian's desire, I wonder if it should be bought or not, kwim?
Even corn starch and baking soda can be used to keep hair clean I heard.
Great ideas!
My ds did not need anything as his hair really never got dirty or tangled (
very sliky).
As for dad you need to talk to him.
Remind him of all the manly man that has long hair and that it is a self
expression he needs to respect.
So many big, strong maly guys have long hair.
Yeah, that's not the issue. It's what appears to be dirty hair. It's about
how people perceive him as a dad, me as a mom. I'm 100% sure that's the issue
(as I said before, Papa has long hair, black and to his waist - he's Mexican
and it's just dashing...and having Mexican/Caucasian hair seems to be an issue
too - the textures are here and there, but not well combined - seems a few
other "halo-halo" kids I know have the same issue with it - Mexican-Cauc. that
is)
Bullying his son will most likely erode the little boy's self steem and
their relationship.
I know. Sigh. Papa is not an unschooler, but is trying in many ways to come
around. I'm trying by showing, but I have become quite...erm...bitchy. Juan is
an authoritarian style parent, we have cultural differences, Unschooling is
terrifying to him I think in some ways (yet other ways, he's all easy going,
like video games, TV, all media). So all of that seems to be literally,
wrapped up in Julian's hair. Perhaps I should get India.Arie's song, "I'm Not My
Hair" as a mantra for Julian to proclaim :)
Alex
Thanks, Alex. Maybe I just need to mull this all over and practice following
my heart. Juan and I NEVER get any time alone to talk, and in fact, our
marriage is in a shambles right now :( Our parenting differences and the
resulting tension has bled into our other aspects, too. It's all related, I know.
And the hair is almost a manifestation of it...I hate this. Struggling a LOT
these days. Your advice and help is really appreciated. Thanks again.
Karen
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
polykowholsteins@... writes:
I'm going to answer in sections, ok? Thanks so much!
There are many questions here.
Does he want his hair long?
Yes, he does. Papa has long hair too - to his waist, in fact.
Does he mind it is tangled?
I'm not really sure. I think he cares very little. But he clearly cares what
Papa thinks and what others say to him. It's myself and my dad that (and his
wife) that say next to nothing, usually nothing. His big brother and
sisters, Papa, my mom and his Tios tease him.
You can have him in dreads.
It's kinda like one, single dread now :)
You can untangle with your hands ( just gently pull apart the hair) Tkes a
logn time and patience but works great.
I've tried a bit, but will try more. He's VERY head sensitive, and now fear
is adding to it - adrenaline, anxiety over it. So now, the emotional aspects
are equally as painful as the physical.
He might decide he just wants it shaved off. No hair to deal with. just and
inch of fur.
He's scared silly of that idea. Change is not cool with Mr. Julian right now
- I *think* he thinks he won't be HIM anymore, so as for now, that's not an
option.
He might like to use a braid or pony tail to keep hair from getting matted.
Tried that, but the brushing it took to get the braid or pony in was so hard
for him, this is now the result. Power struggles are HORRID and that's what
seems to be happening over and over.
As for washing my ds is the same way but he does eventually let me wash it.
I am just super careful not to get his face wet.
We've tried so many ways to make sure that doesn't happen. It's his fear of
it happening that seems to be the worst part.
He did go longs times without washing and his hair still felt and smelled
wonderful ( as much as 4-6 weeks)
We've done that too, but it didn't smell "wonderful." Not bad though either.
You can use self rinse shamppos ( no water needed)
THAT sounds GREAT! Where are they???
You can use a little spray with conditioner or essencial oils and water to
help demmatt and clean if needed.
I'm thinking of a product called Dread Remover - it's just costly, and since
it's not Julian's desire, I wonder if it should be bought or not, kwim?
Even corn starch and baking soda can be used to keep hair clean I heard.
Great ideas!
My ds did not need anything as his hair really never got dirty or tangled (
very sliky).
As for dad you need to talk to him.
Remind him of all the manly man that has long hair and that it is a self
expression he needs to respect.
So many big, strong maly guys have long hair.
Yeah, that's not the issue. It's what appears to be dirty hair. It's about
how people perceive him as a dad, me as a mom. I'm 100% sure that's the issue
(as I said before, Papa has long hair, black and to his waist - he's Mexican
and it's just dashing...and having Mexican/Caucasian hair seems to be an issue
too - the textures are here and there, but not well combined - seems a few
other "halo-halo" kids I know have the same issue with it - Mexican-Cauc. that
is)
Bullying his son will most likely erode the little boy's self steem and
their relationship.
I know. Sigh. Papa is not an unschooler, but is trying in many ways to come
around. I'm trying by showing, but I have become quite...erm...bitchy. Juan is
an authoritarian style parent, we have cultural differences, Unschooling is
terrifying to him I think in some ways (yet other ways, he's all easy going,
like video games, TV, all media). So all of that seems to be literally,
wrapped up in Julian's hair. Perhaps I should get India.Arie's song, "I'm Not My
Hair" as a mantra for Julian to proclaim :)
Alex
Thanks, Alex. Maybe I just need to mull this all over and practice following
my heart. Juan and I NEVER get any time alone to talk, and in fact, our
marriage is in a shambles right now :( Our parenting differences and the
resulting tension has bled into our other aspects, too. It's all related, I know.
And the hair is almost a manifestation of it...I hate this. Struggling a LOT
these days. Your advice and help is really appreciated. Thanks again.
Karen
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Hi Karen,
I am Latina also. Actually I am from Brazil. My mom's side is French/German and my father Portuguese?Dutch .
Having lived nad travelled in South America I undertand the difference in culture you are facing even thou my DH says I am americanized LOL.
I know lots of couples that are american/latino.
Anyways
The self rinse shamppoo I am used is actually sold for dog shows but I heard they have fo people. Myabe Google it. I have used the dog version many times and it works really good but maybe a lttle drying so I would definetely use a leave in conditoner after.
Dh and I also don't have many opportunities to talk alone ( I don't remeber last time we did). I used to be bicthy to my ds too.
Since I started Unschooling out relationship things have gotten a lot better.
I still have to work since I can become a dictator and apin in the a@@ with him. But if I just stop, take a deeep breath and refrase what I am about to say then he is much more open to what I have to say.
I also realize my DH was far from mindfully parented and very damaged in school. He is like a child that never had his real needs met. I need to treat him like I do my kids. How can he be something if he was never treated respectfully as a kid.
Unschooling and accepting him has been key to our relationship.
GTG for now,
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I am Latina also. Actually I am from Brazil. My mom's side is French/German and my father Portuguese?Dutch .
Having lived nad travelled in South America I undertand the difference in culture you are facing even thou my DH says I am americanized LOL.
I know lots of couples that are american/latino.
Anyways
The self rinse shamppoo I am used is actually sold for dog shows but I heard they have fo people. Myabe Google it. I have used the dog version many times and it works really good but maybe a lttle drying so I would definetely use a leave in conditoner after.
Dh and I also don't have many opportunities to talk alone ( I don't remeber last time we did). I used to be bicthy to my ds too.
Since I started Unschooling out relationship things have gotten a lot better.
I still have to work since I can become a dictator and apin in the a@@ with him. But if I just stop, take a deeep breath and refrase what I am about to say then he is much more open to what I have to say.
I also realize my DH was far from mindfully parented and very damaged in school. He is like a child that never had his real needs met. I need to treat him like I do my kids. How can he be something if he was never treated respectfully as a kid.
Unschooling and accepting him has been key to our relationship.
GTG for now,
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
One more question.
What do you say when other people tease him about his hair?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What do you say when other people tease him about his hair?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/5/2008 1:14:58 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@... writes:
One more question.
What do you say when other people tease him about his hair?
USUALLY, I tell the person that it's just hair and all things change and
it's fine for now. But sometimes I say that I know it's a bit difficult and
we'll be taking care of it soon (which leads to The Conversation with Julian of
course - which is sometimes just calm and fine and other times, a Battle of
Wills - when hunger, tiredness, depression, frustration and all that stuff are
overlapping) and other times, the least often, I just laugh it off and wrap it
up with a nod and a smile.
I received the other email and I'm googling the no rinse as we speak!
Thanks for that and for the multicultural support and acknowledgment too :)
Karen
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
polykowholsteins@... writes:
One more question.
What do you say when other people tease him about his hair?
USUALLY, I tell the person that it's just hair and all things change and
it's fine for now. But sometimes I say that I know it's a bit difficult and
we'll be taking care of it soon (which leads to The Conversation with Julian of
course - which is sometimes just calm and fine and other times, a Battle of
Wills - when hunger, tiredness, depression, frustration and all that stuff are
overlapping) and other times, the least often, I just laugh it off and wrap it
up with a nod and a smile.
I received the other email and I'm googling the no rinse as we speak!
Thanks for that and for the multicultural support and acknowledgment too :)
Karen
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Stephen
Have you tried letting him wear swimming goggles or a diver's mask? Even
with a snorkel?
Is he afraid of water in general?
When mine were young we had a big container of bath toys and some bath's
were a 'play tubby' where they could play to their heart's contents. I'd
add warm water every half hour or so as needed. I had some fun-shaped
soaps that they would play with and once in while we got a bar that had a
toy at the core, so as they used it the toy emerged. I made sure the water
was not deep enough to go over their ears so their faces stayed dry and I
told them how much I enjoyed lying back in the tub as a boy, and pushing
myself up and down the rub with my hands and feet, making waves. Eventually
they loved to lie back in the tub and let their hair float, and if I stayed
away and didn't try to wash it, so they always felt in control, it got
pretty clean. Their fear was a control issue; having someone else wash
their hair took control away from them, made them feel powerless and at
another's mercy. For some this is not a trust issue. or a feeling unsafe
with a particular person issue. It's just the way they are.
Brushing/de-tangling is another story. I used a ton of no-more-tangles on
my daughters' hair, but it still hurt them. I have a very sensitive head
also. One thing that might help relax him is to begin giving him gentle
scalp massages, very gentle. A very sensitive head really appreciates a
gentle scalp massage. No brushing or combing, just the
massage. Eventually he may let you use a brush on just then ends at first.
As far as Dad's attitude goes, while I understand his feelings, I hope he
can realize that the opinions of others mean nothing, and only have the
power we assign to them. My oldest is 35 now. When he was 4 he had the
most beautiful head of chestnut banana curls you've ever seen, and we got
plenty of looks and comments about his 'girly' hair from strangers and
family alike. But I haven't thought of that since then, until now. It
means nothing at all to me.
Good luck.
At 12:59 PM 1/5/2008 -0500, you wrote:
with a snorkel?
Is he afraid of water in general?
When mine were young we had a big container of bath toys and some bath's
were a 'play tubby' where they could play to their heart's contents. I'd
add warm water every half hour or so as needed. I had some fun-shaped
soaps that they would play with and once in while we got a bar that had a
toy at the core, so as they used it the toy emerged. I made sure the water
was not deep enough to go over their ears so their faces stayed dry and I
told them how much I enjoyed lying back in the tub as a boy, and pushing
myself up and down the rub with my hands and feet, making waves. Eventually
they loved to lie back in the tub and let their hair float, and if I stayed
away and didn't try to wash it, so they always felt in control, it got
pretty clean. Their fear was a control issue; having someone else wash
their hair took control away from them, made them feel powerless and at
another's mercy. For some this is not a trust issue. or a feeling unsafe
with a particular person issue. It's just the way they are.
Brushing/de-tangling is another story. I used a ton of no-more-tangles on
my daughters' hair, but it still hurt them. I have a very sensitive head
also. One thing that might help relax him is to begin giving him gentle
scalp massages, very gentle. A very sensitive head really appreciates a
gentle scalp massage. No brushing or combing, just the
massage. Eventually he may let you use a brush on just then ends at first.
As far as Dad's attitude goes, while I understand his feelings, I hope he
can realize that the opinions of others mean nothing, and only have the
power we assign to them. My oldest is 35 now. When he was 4 he had the
most beautiful head of chestnut banana curls you've ever seen, and we got
plenty of looks and comments about his 'girly' hair from strangers and
family alike. But I haven't thought of that since then, until now. It
means nothing at all to me.
Good luck.
At 12:59 PM 1/5/2008 -0500, you wrote:
>In a message dated 1/5/2008 8:26:39 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
><mailto:polykowholsteins%40yahoo.com>polykowholsteins@... writes:
>
>I have a ds like that. But I have a question.
>Did he want this hair cut?
>Mine only gets his hair cut when he wants. He actully had long hair for a
>year until he told me to cut it all out a few months ago.
>Alex
>
>_______________-
>
>I need advice on this one. I don't want to make Julian wash or brush his
>hair, or cut it....but it's now one big mat and I'm at a loss. He hates
>water in
>his face, hates the feeling of the brush and is scared of getting his hair
>cut. This is becoming a HUGE issue between he, DH and myself. *I* say let it
>go, he'll be ready when he's ready, Juan (DH) sees it as a reflection upon
>himself and myself as parents. People tease Julian all the time, including
>Papa,
>and I'm stuck in what FEELS like the middle. What I usually do, is support
>Julian's fear and uncomfortable feelings, but still wash as gently as I
>can and
>as quickly - this happens only every week or so, MAX, due to his fears and
>sensitivities to water and brushes/combs (he also is slightly SPD and I KNOW
>it's part of this). I talk to him gently, help him try and cope with his
>fears...but get so much pressure from others...I just don't know what to
>do. It's
>a huge issue in the house.
>
>And I can cope with bluntness, ok? In fact, I WANT it. My gut says "let it
>go, he's ready when he's ready" but part of me is the Old Me that says it
>"must" be dealt with.
>
>Karen
>(he's 5, long hair, btw...I asked for help on another list for SPD, while
>the advice was helpful for untangling, it wasn't RU in any way, really)
>
>**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
><http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489>http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Faith Void
I don't know if it will help but my 5 y/o very sensitive boy has very
long hair. He really doesn't like to wash/condition/brush it but likes
it "smooth" (his word). So when it gets yucky we do the "beauty
parlor". We get all the stuff together and have a bath just for hair
care. We bring in his favorite (at the moment) dvd and watch it while
I gently do his hair. Watching the dvd has really helped. Somedays he
will brush his hair on his own in front of the tv
Faith
long hair. He really doesn't like to wash/condition/brush it but likes
it "smooth" (his word). So when it gets yucky we do the "beauty
parlor". We get all the stuff together and have a bath just for hair
care. We bring in his favorite (at the moment) dvd and watch it while
I gently do his hair. Watching the dvd has really helped. Somedays he
will brush his hair on his own in front of the tv
Faith
On Jan 5, 2008 5:24 PM, <Kidgie@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> In a message dated 1/5/2008 1:14:58 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
>
> polykowholsteins@... writes:
>
> One more question.
> What do you say when other people tease him about his hair?
>
> USUALLY, I tell the person that it's just hair and all things change and
> it's fine for now. But sometimes I say that I know it's a bit difficult and
> we'll be taking care of it soon (which leads to The Conversation with
> Julian of
> course - which is sometimes just calm and fine and other times, a Battle of
> Wills - when hunger, tiredness, depression, frustration and all that stuff
> are
> overlapping) and other times, the least often, I just laugh it off and wrap
> it
> up with a nod and a smile.
>
> I received the other email and I'm googling the no rinse as we speak!
>
> Thanks for that and for the multicultural support and acknowledgment too :)
>
> Karen
>
> **************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
> http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/5/2008 6:40:48 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
kaculwell@... writes:
Bass and the number on it is 876SB. 100% wild boar/ soft. I
had the stomach flu a last week and my hair was a wild matted
mess and my dd brushed my hair for me and it never once hurt
as she detangled it! I think it cost about $12. Good luck!
I am so on this...ALL over it...lol..THANKS! Wow...this has been SO helpful,
I can't even tell ya'll.
Karen
(oh, and DH thought the waterless shampoo would be great, too - he's comin'
round slowly but steadily)
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kaculwell@... writes:
Bass and the number on it is 876SB. 100% wild boar/ soft. I
had the stomach flu a last week and my hair was a wild matted
mess and my dd brushed my hair for me and it never once hurt
as she detangled it! I think it cost about $12. Good luck!
I am so on this...ALL over it...lol..THANKS! Wow...this has been SO helpful,
I can't even tell ya'll.
Karen
(oh, and DH thought the waterless shampoo would be great, too - he's comin'
round slowly but steadily)
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/5/2008 6:41:26 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
mtic@... writes:
with a snorkel?
Hates things over his face, but we had thought of that.
Is he afraid of water in general?
Nope - loves to swim, but no water in his face.
I think it's getting easier. When Juan is happy, he has WAY less "issues"
with this - but he's been under a lot of stress and pressure, and it of course
comes out in various ways.
I think between the hairbrush (the Bass one) and the waterless shampoo, we
just might get out of this...and if not, I think I'm just gonna let it GO :)
You all have been wonderful! Thanks!
Karen
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mtic@... writes:
with a snorkel?
Hates things over his face, but we had thought of that.
Is he afraid of water in general?
Nope - loves to swim, but no water in his face.
I think it's getting easier. When Juan is happy, he has WAY less "issues"
with this - but he's been under a lot of stress and pressure, and it of course
comes out in various ways.
I think between the hairbrush (the Bass one) and the waterless shampoo, we
just might get out of this...and if not, I think I'm just gonna let it GO :)
You all have been wonderful! Thanks!
Karen
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
HI karen, Another thing you can do to help demmatt if there is a large matt (one big matt) is to cut the matt down the middle vertically if if needed a few mnore times.
I have worked with show dogs all my like and grooming show dogs and pets and that is a way to get some really bad matted hair taken care of. Than continue to work with your hand separating the hair.
I wish you were close so I could show it to you.
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have worked with show dogs all my like and grooming show dogs and pets and that is a way to get some really bad matted hair taken care of. Than continue to work with your hand separating the hair.
I wish you were close so I could show it to you.
Alex
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/6/2008 10:43:15 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@... writes:
cut the matt down the middle vertically if if needed a few mnore times.
Alex, so snip up through the matt vertically, up the middle? That sounds
good! And yeah, its one, single matt.
Thanks again!!
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
polykowholsteins@... writes:
cut the matt down the middle vertically if if needed a few mnore times.
Alex, so snip up through the matt vertically, up the middle? That sounds
good! And yeah, its one, single matt.
Thanks again!!
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Exactly. You will damage a few but it helps a lot!
----- Original Message ----
From: "Kidgie@..." <Kidgie@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2008 1:04:20 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
In a message dated 1/6/2008 10:43:15 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com writes:
cut the matt down the middle vertically if if needed a few mnore times.
Alex, so snip up through the matt vertically, up the middle? That sounds
good! And yeah, its one, single matt.
Thanks again!!
************ **Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body. aol.com/fitness/ winter-exercise? NCID=aolcmp00300 000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
----- Original Message ----
From: "Kidgie@..." <Kidgie@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2008 1:04:20 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
In a message dated 1/6/2008 10:43:15 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
polykowholsteins@ yahoo.com writes:
cut the matt down the middle vertically if if needed a few mnore times.
Alex, so snip up through the matt vertically, up the middle? That sounds
good! And yeah, its one, single matt.
Thanks again!!
************ **Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body. aol.com/fitness/ winter-exercise? NCID=aolcmp00300 000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
HI karen, Another thing you can do to help demmatt if there is a large
matt (one
big matt) is to cut the matt down the middle vertically if if needed
a few
mnore times.
-=-=-=-
Even better: use thinning shears rather than regular shears/scissors.
Takes less hair off and looks more natural.
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
HI karen, Another thing you can do to help demmatt if there is a large
matt (one
big matt) is to cut the matt down the middle vertically if if needed
a few
mnore times.
-=-=-=-
Even better: use thinning shears rather than regular shears/scissors.
Takes less hair off and looks more natural.
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
[email protected]
From: kbcdlovejo@...
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
-=-=-=-=-
Cut straight down, vertically.
As Alex said, you *will* lose some hair. But with thinning shears,
you'll lose much less, and it will look less "cut."
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
-=-=-=-=-
Cut straight down, vertically.
As Alex said, you *will* lose some hair. But with thinning shears,
you'll lose much less, and it will look less "cut."
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/6/2008 12:37:03 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
Even better: use thinning shears rather than regular shears/scissors.
Takes less hair off and looks more natural.
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
~Kelly
Kelly, what are thinning shears? Are they easily bought?
K.
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
Even better: use thinning shears rather than regular shears/scissors.
Takes less hair off and looks more natural.
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
~Kelly
Kelly, what are thinning shears? Are they easily bought?
K.
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Kidgie@...
Kelly, what are thinning shears? Are they easily bought?
-=-=-=
Any dog grooming supply catalogue has them! <bwg>
They look like scissors, with one side flat and one side "toothed."
They take off less hair than regular scissors, "thinning" rather than
cutting bluntly---it's how the "shag" haircut was born! <G> So when you
cut, some hair gets cut off by the teeth, other hairs slide in a
protected area and don't get touched by the sharp parts of the shears.
All barbers use them, and I think all hair stylists have a pair---even
if they don't use them regularly. So look at Sally's Beauty Supply or
some such place.
The finer the tooth, the more hair that is cut and the finer the
finished look, so a coarser toothed shear would work better for what
you need.
Here's a link:
http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&q=thinning+shears&um=1&ie=UTF-8
I just googled "thinning shears"
You can pay $4.00 for a major cheap pair that will probably do what you
need them to do---all the way up to hundreds of dollars.
For $20-30.00 you can get a very serviceable pair that will last you
for years. (You could also ask a groomer friend if you could borrow a
pair for a night! <G>)
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
From: Kidgie@...
Kelly, what are thinning shears? Are they easily bought?
-=-=-=
Any dog grooming supply catalogue has them! <bwg>
They look like scissors, with one side flat and one side "toothed."
They take off less hair than regular scissors, "thinning" rather than
cutting bluntly---it's how the "shag" haircut was born! <G> So when you
cut, some hair gets cut off by the teeth, other hairs slide in a
protected area and don't get touched by the sharp parts of the shears.
All barbers use them, and I think all hair stylists have a pair---even
if they don't use them regularly. So look at Sally's Beauty Supply or
some such place.
The finer the tooth, the more hair that is cut and the finer the
finished look, so a coarser toothed shear would work better for what
you need.
Here's a link:
http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&q=thinning+shears&um=1&ie=UTF-8
I just googled "thinning shears"
You can pay $4.00 for a major cheap pair that will probably do what you
need them to do---all the way up to hundreds of dollars.
For $20-30.00 you can get a very serviceable pair that will last you
for years. (You could also ask a groomer friend if you could borrow a
pair for a night! <G>)
~Kelly
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/6/2008 1:02:35 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&q=thinning+shears&um=1&ie=UTF-8
I just googled "thinning shears"
Ah! I assumed, lol, that it was more complicated than that - me, the
googler, too, lol! Thanks, Kelly :)
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
http://www.google.com/products?hl=en&q=thinning+shears&um=1&ie=UTF-8
I just googled "thinning shears"
Ah! I assumed, lol, that it was more complicated than that - me, the
googler, too, lol! Thanks, Kelly :)
**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.
http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Those work great and you can get them at Sally's Beauty Supply
i think.
Alex
t
----- Original Message ----
From: "kbcdlovejo@..." <kbcdlovejo@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2008 2:42:09 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
From: kbcdlovejo@aol. com
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
-=-=-=-=-
Cut straight down, vertically.
As Alex said, you *will* lose some hair. But with thinning shears,
you'll lose much less, and it will look less "cut."
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandL earnConference. org
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail. aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
i think.
Alex
t
----- Original Message ----
From: "kbcdlovejo@..." <kbcdlovejo@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2008 2:42:09 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
From: kbcdlovejo@aol. com
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
-=-=-=-=-
Cut straight down, vertically.
As Alex said, you *will* lose some hair. But with thinning shears,
you'll lose much less, and it will look less "cut."
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandL earnConference. org
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail. aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Glad you found some!!!!!
Alex
----- Original Message ----
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2008 4:27:30 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
Those work great and you can get them at Sally's Beauty Supply
i think.
Alex
t
----- Original Message ----
From: "kbcdlovejo@aol. com" <kbcdlovejo@aol. com>
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2008 2:42:09 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
From: kbcdlovejo@aol. com
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
-=-=-=-=-
Cut straight down, vertically.
As Alex said, you *will* lose some hair. But with thinning shears,
you'll lose much less, and it will look less "cut."
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandL earnConference. org
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail. aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alex
----- Original Message ----
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2008 4:27:30 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
Those work great and you can get them at Sally's Beauty Supply
i think.
Alex
t
----- Original Message ----
From: "kbcdlovejo@aol. com" <kbcdlovejo@aol. com>
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2008 2:42:09 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: coercing Now: Hair help?
From: kbcdlovejo@aol. com
Just wiggle the shears down close to the scalp and take a tiny snip
left, right, and center. Then work with the hairs to pull them apart.
-=-=-=-=-
Cut straight down, vertically.
As Alex said, you *will* lose some hair. But with thinning shears,
you'll lose much less, and it will look less "cut."
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandL earnConference. org
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail. aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]