help with husband
Sharissa13
We pulled my autistic son out of public school 3 years
ago after kindergarten. The stress was too much for
him... the bright lights, noise, activities, etc. In
that time, I have become more and more to embrace the
idea of unschooling. My son is comprehension delayed,
and so everything he picks up is by memorization. It's
rough going, but I feel this was the best thing for
him.
My husband didn't care that I pulled our son out of
school. He has refused to have any part of his
homeschooling.... citing that it was my decision to
homeschooling, so I should take this on as my
responsibility. It's his job to work and make money,
so he doesn't have time to do anything with our son.
But like a backseat driver, he has had comments all
the way. I'm not doing things right. I'm not concerned
with what to do with Scot. I'm not keeping track of
what he should be learning. I'm not teaching him
everything that he needs to know. I'm not using a
curriculum. I'm taking too long to teach Scot the
basics. Today he just hit me with "Maybe we need to
put him back in school."
When I got very defensive about it, he began to yell
at me that "it's not all about me." I cannot treat
Scot like he's mine to do with as I please, and not
have to worry about talking about what I'm doing with
anyone else. Apparently, I;m only concerned about
myself, and I need to stop and consider what's in
Scot's best interest.
I know this is part vent, but I also need some help
here. I tried to explain that it's not about what
grade our son is in, and that that should dictate what
he's learning. I don't ned to use that as a guideline
to worry about what Scot should be learning. Scot did
horribly in school... and it ended up his aide was
doing his work for him, instead of helping him to
understand it. I will not see him put back into any
school... regular or some special school for autistic
kids.
But I need to get my husband to see things as I do. I
suggested getting some unschooling books, to which I
was told, "Go ahead and use your money" (I am given a
certain amount of money each week to buy groceries,
gas, etc.... and it's not nearly as much as I actually
need. but I won't get into that). It just frustrates
me that while he insists that he's only concerned for
our son, he refuses to have a part in anything
homeschooling related. All he wants to do is sit back
and complain about everything he perceives I'm not doing.
____________________________________________________________________________________
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ago after kindergarten. The stress was too much for
him... the bright lights, noise, activities, etc. In
that time, I have become more and more to embrace the
idea of unschooling. My son is comprehension delayed,
and so everything he picks up is by memorization. It's
rough going, but I feel this was the best thing for
him.
My husband didn't care that I pulled our son out of
school. He has refused to have any part of his
homeschooling.... citing that it was my decision to
homeschooling, so I should take this on as my
responsibility. It's his job to work and make money,
so he doesn't have time to do anything with our son.
But like a backseat driver, he has had comments all
the way. I'm not doing things right. I'm not concerned
with what to do with Scot. I'm not keeping track of
what he should be learning. I'm not teaching him
everything that he needs to know. I'm not using a
curriculum. I'm taking too long to teach Scot the
basics. Today he just hit me with "Maybe we need to
put him back in school."
When I got very defensive about it, he began to yell
at me that "it's not all about me." I cannot treat
Scot like he's mine to do with as I please, and not
have to worry about talking about what I'm doing with
anyone else. Apparently, I;m only concerned about
myself, and I need to stop and consider what's in
Scot's best interest.
I know this is part vent, but I also need some help
here. I tried to explain that it's not about what
grade our son is in, and that that should dictate what
he's learning. I don't ned to use that as a guideline
to worry about what Scot should be learning. Scot did
horribly in school... and it ended up his aide was
doing his work for him, instead of helping him to
understand it. I will not see him put back into any
school... regular or some special school for autistic
kids.
But I need to get my husband to see things as I do. I
suggested getting some unschooling books, to which I
was told, "Go ahead and use your money" (I am given a
certain amount of money each week to buy groceries,
gas, etc.... and it's not nearly as much as I actually
need. but I won't get into that). It just frustrates
me that while he insists that he's only concerned for
our son, he refuses to have a part in anything
homeschooling related. All he wants to do is sit back
and complain about everything he perceives I'm not doing.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
trektheory
Perhaps, at a moment when you are both calm, ask your husband which he
would prefer -- to be involved in the homeschooling process or not.
If not -- then he has, essentially, given up his right to complain
about the details of how and what. Explain to him that you feel that,
if he is unhappy with those details, he is FREE to participate. But
to just dump on you because he has a different opinion is neither
helpful to the development of your son, nor to the health of your
relationship with him. Let him know that you want to have growth in
both areas, that you value him, but that the way he seems to be trying
to contribute makes you feel (insert your own feelings, stated in a
way that won't put him on the defensive.)
Has he done any research on homeschooling? On the benefits,
particularly for a child who, like your son, was overwhelmed by the
physical environment of a ps? If not, perhaps he needs to learn a bit
more, so he can understand what is going on.
I'm sure others will have other ideas, but that is where I might try
to start from.
Linda
--- In [email protected], Sharissa13 <sharissa13@...>
wrote:
would prefer -- to be involved in the homeschooling process or not.
If not -- then he has, essentially, given up his right to complain
about the details of how and what. Explain to him that you feel that,
if he is unhappy with those details, he is FREE to participate. But
to just dump on you because he has a different opinion is neither
helpful to the development of your son, nor to the health of your
relationship with him. Let him know that you want to have growth in
both areas, that you value him, but that the way he seems to be trying
to contribute makes you feel (insert your own feelings, stated in a
way that won't put him on the defensive.)
Has he done any research on homeschooling? On the benefits,
particularly for a child who, like your son, was overwhelmed by the
physical environment of a ps? If not, perhaps he needs to learn a bit
more, so he can understand what is going on.
I'm sure others will have other ideas, but that is where I might try
to start from.
Linda
--- In [email protected], Sharissa13 <sharissa13@...>
wrote:
>____________________________________________________________________________________
> We pulled my autistic son out of public school 3 years
> ago after kindergarten. The stress was too much for
> him... the bright lights, noise, activities, etc. In
> that time, I have become more and more to embrace the
> idea of unschooling. My son is comprehension delayed,
> and so everything he picks up is by memorization. It's
> rough going, but I feel this was the best thing for
> him.
>
> My husband didn't care that I pulled our son out of
> school. He has refused to have any part of his
> homeschooling.... citing that it was my decision to
> homeschooling, so I should take this on as my
> responsibility. It's his job to work and make money,
> so he doesn't have time to do anything with our son.
> But like a backseat driver, he has had comments all
> the way. I'm not doing things right. I'm not concerned
> with what to do with Scot. I'm not keeping track of
> what he should be learning. I'm not teaching him
> everything that he needs to know. I'm not using a
> curriculum. I'm taking too long to teach Scot the
> basics. Today he just hit me with "Maybe we need to
> put him back in school."
>
> When I got very defensive about it, he began to yell
> at me that "it's not all about me." I cannot treat
> Scot like he's mine to do with as I please, and not
> have to worry about talking about what I'm doing with
> anyone else. Apparently, I;m only concerned about
> myself, and I need to stop and consider what's in
> Scot's best interest.
>
> I know this is part vent, but I also need some help
> here. I tried to explain that it's not about what
> grade our son is in, and that that should dictate what
> he's learning. I don't ned to use that as a guideline
> to worry about what Scot should be learning. Scot did
> horribly in school... and it ended up his aide was
> doing his work for him, instead of helping him to
> understand it. I will not see him put back into any
> school... regular or some special school for autistic
> kids.
>
> But I need to get my husband to see things as I do. I
> suggested getting some unschooling books, to which I
> was told, "Go ahead and use your money" (I am given a
> certain amount of money each week to buy groceries,
> gas, etc.... and it's not nearly as much as I actually
> need. but I won't get into that). It just frustrates
> me that while he insists that he's only concerned for
> our son, he refuses to have a part in anything
> homeschooling related. All he wants to do is sit back
> and complain about everything he perceives I'm not doing.
>
>
>
> Be a better friend, newshound, andhttp://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
> know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
>
Sharissa13
That's part of it. I have been asking him on occasion
to get involved from the very beginning. At first, he
rejected all my ideas and said he couldn't think of
anything that he could do with Scot. Now he tells me
that it's all my responsibility, since his
responsibility is to make money.
I'll try your suggestions. I don't know that they'll
work (his logic seems skewed to me), but I will at
least try.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
to get involved from the very beginning. At first, he
rejected all my ideas and said he couldn't think of
anything that he could do with Scot. Now he tells me
that it's all my responsibility, since his
responsibility is to make money.
I'll try your suggestions. I don't know that they'll
work (his logic seems skewed to me), but I will at
least try.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ