Karen A

Hi,

We've been deschooling/unschooling for about 3 years now, and have
totally let go of all curriculum/grade levels/schoolish-think etc. I
thought my DH was really starting to relax about it all (he hasn't
said anything negative for a long time) until today:

Up until about 6 weeks ago, the kids (5, 7, 11 & 13) haven't been able
to play Runescape (for about 2 years) because of problems with our
computers. Now, however, we've been able to get things working and
they are LOVING the game (even my 5 year old)!!! I've been totally
unlimited with it (although I have been known to be occasionally a bit
passive aggressive, hinting that they've been on it for most of the
day, it's beautiful outside now, etc etc and perhaps they could do
something else for awhile.... etc. They really are loving the game
and spend a LOT of each day playing it. They are interested in very
little else, except a little bit of music playing. They seem quite
lost when they're not playing it, and (there are 2 computers) if there
isn't a computer free, they'll mostly just watch whoever is playing.

Today, my DH got really, really angry about it and expressed how
desperately concerned he is about it all. He's very worried that they
won't be prepared for the future, that they won't be able to "write an
essay" if they go to college. He's not even sure they can "put a
sentence together correctly" because the emails they send him have
lots of grammatical and spelling errors in them. He said he doesn't
want them to be embarrassed like he's been as an adult, when he hasn't
known seemingly basic things, for instance, in a game of trivial
pursuit (history type stuff - I assured him they've learned heaps
about history), and also just with things like identifying verbs,
nouns etc (he seriously said he was teased during his nursing degree
because he didn't know the difference - he went to 11 different
schools and missed some basic things). I reassured him that I
finished school, did well, and am HOPELESS at Trivial Pursuit. There
really are more important things. He knows that, and it's probably a
poor example of his concern. He doesn't want to make a mistake with
their education; to deprive them of opportunities later in life if
they don't have basic english and maths skills. He's really very
angry and upset and even suggested that perhaps a term in school would
"wake them up to some harsh realities".

I just don't know how to handle this. He has their best interests at
heart, and I do too. I find myself starting to doubt my approach when
he speaks like this. (I actually feel like I've become a bit too
busy in my own world, and am not engaged enough with the kids and in
making myself available to do stuff with them that interests them - I
think if I was investing more time with them, we'd be doing more
things and my DH would not have got to this anxious state.)

Any ideas of how to handle him? (I even found myself thinking today
that I could help them to write out a little story for him, "What I
like about Runescape", or "Things I've learned because of Runescape".
Is that totally ridiculous? I've never suggested they do anything
like this before. I thought I could explain in to them in terms of
doing something to ease Dad's concerns and help ensure their freedom
to continue this lifestyle.

Open to suggestions,

Karen

margo52576

Hi,
I'm new to this group because I started deschooling 2 or 3 years ago
and wasn't sure how I felt about it. I, and my kids play Runescape,
too. Well, I did traditional homeschooling for about 12 years (15
years homeschooling all together). I burned out so bad it was
pitiful, since I have 6 kids. Anyway, to make it short - my kids
started playing Runescape and taught themselves how to type, spell
and a do math (figuring out how many runes they needed) etc. I
thought it wasn't any big deal but they've learned so much - even
budgetting on Runescape.
Margo




--- In [email protected], "Karen A" <gktbdm@...>
wrote:
>
> Hi,
>
> We've been deschooling/unschooling for about 3 years now, and have
> totally let go of all curriculum/grade levels/schoolish-think
etc. I
> thought my DH was really starting to relax about it all (he hasn't
> said anything negative for a long time) until today:
>
> Up until about 6 weeks ago, the kids (5, 7, 11 & 13) haven't been
able
> to play Runescape (for about 2 years) because of problems with our
> computers. Now, however, we've been able to get things working and
> they are LOVING the game (even my 5 year old)!!! I've been
totally
> unlimited with it (although I have been known to be occasionally a
bit
> passive aggressive, hinting that they've been on it for most of the
> day, it's beautiful outside now, etc etc and perhaps they could do
> something else for awhile.... etc. They really are loving the game
> and spend a LOT of each day playing it. They are interested in
very
> little else, except a little bit of music playing. They seem quite
> lost when they're not playing it, and (there are 2 computers) if
there
> isn't a computer free, they'll mostly just watch whoever is
playing.
>
> Today, my DH got really, really angry about it and expressed how
> desperately concerned he is about it all. He's very worried that
they
> won't be prepared for the future, that they won't be able
to "write an
> essay" if they go to college. He's not even sure they can "put a
> sentence together correctly" because the emails they send him have
> lots of grammatical and spelling errors in them. He said he
doesn't
> want them to be embarrassed like he's been as an adult, when he
hasn't
> known seemingly basic things, for instance, in a game of trivial
> pursuit (history type stuff - I assured him they've learned heaps
> about history), and also just with things like identifying verbs,
> nouns etc (he seriously said he was teased during his nursing
degree
> because he didn't know the difference - he went to 11 different
> schools and missed some basic things). I reassured him that I
> finished school, did well, and am HOPELESS at Trivial Pursuit.
There
> really are more important things. He knows that, and it's
probably a
> poor example of his concern. He doesn't want to make a mistake
with
> their education; to deprive them of opportunities later in life if
> they don't have basic english and maths skills. He's really very
> angry and upset and even suggested that perhaps a term in school
would
> "wake them up to some harsh realities".
>
> I just don't know how to handle this. He has their best interests
at
> heart, and I do too. I find myself starting to doubt my approach
when
> he speaks like this. (I actually feel like I've become a bit too
> busy in my own world, and am not engaged enough with the kids and
in
> making myself available to do stuff with them that interests them -
I
> think if I was investing more time with them, we'd be doing more
> things and my DH would not have got to this anxious state.)
>
> Any ideas of how to handle him? (I even found myself thinking
today
> that I could help them to write out a little story for him, "What I
> like about Runescape", or "Things I've learned because of
Runescape".
> Is that totally ridiculous? I've never suggested they do anything
> like this before. I thought I could explain in to them in terms of
> doing something to ease Dad's concerns and help ensure their
freedom
> to continue this lifestyle.
>
> Open to suggestions,
>
> Karen
>

Ulrike Haupt

Dear Karen

Your husbands outburst is NOT about runescape or anything about the unschoooling way of life. At least not directly, even if he says so.

What if he still runs on a track programmed by his schooling, as you mentioned that he was ridiculed for something?

And maybe his outbirst was not really about him but about some niggling doubt within you about this 'total runescape immersion' of your children. A doubt that he just brought to the fore for you to find a better feeling thought about for yourself?

I try to remember that when someone is upset it is NEVER about the reason they think they are. Ask "What does it mean about me (or the other) if this makes me upset?" And keep on asking until you find the core issue behind the upset. It really is not about runescape, trust me on this.

Of course, when you find the core issue you may have to jump through some tight hoops to soothe that pain, whatever it may be. (your own or your husbands.)

Blissings
Ulrike




----- Original Message -----
From: Karen A
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, December 04, 2007 3:36 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Emergency!!


Hi,

We've been deschooling/unschooling for about 3 years now, and have
totally let go of all curriculum/grade levels/schoolish-think etc. I
thought my DH was really starting to relax about it all (he hasn't
said anything negative for a long time) until today:

Up until about 6 weeks ago, the kids (5, 7, 11 & 13) haven't been able
to play Runescape (for about 2 years) because of problems with our
computers. Now, however, we've been able to get things working and
they are LOVING the game (even my 5 year old)!!! I've been totally
unlimited with it (although I have been known to be occasionally a bit
passive aggressive, hinting that they've been on it for most of the
day, it's beautiful outside now, etc etc and perhaps they could do
something else for awhile.... etc. They really are loving the game
and spend a LOT of each day playing it. They are interested in very
little else, except a little bit of music playing. They seem quite
lost when they're not playing it, and (there are 2 computers) if there
isn't a computer free, they'll mostly just watch whoever is playing.

Today, my DH got really, really angry about it and expressed how
desperately concerned he is about it all. He's very worried that they
won't be prepared for the future, that they won't be able to "write an
essay" if they go to college. He's not even sure they can "put a
sentence together correctly" because the emails they send him have
lots of grammatical and spelling errors in them. He said he doesn't
want them to be embarrassed like he's been as an adult, when he hasn't
known seemingly basic things, for instance, in a game of trivial
pursuit (history type stuff - I assured him they've learned heaps
about history), and also just with things like identifying verbs,
nouns etc (he seriously said he was teased during his nursing degree
because he didn't know the difference - he went to 11 different
schools and missed some basic things). I reassured him that I
finished school, did well, and am HOPELESS at Trivial Pursuit. There
really are more important things. He knows that, and it's probably a
poor example of his concern. He doesn't want to make a mistake with
their education; to deprive them of opportunities later in life if
they don't have basic english and maths skills. He's really very
angry and upset and even suggested that perhaps a term in school would
"wake them up to some harsh realities".

I just don't know how to handle this. He has their best interests at
heart, and I do too. I find myself starting to doubt my approach when
he speaks like this. (I actually feel like I've become a bit too
busy in my own world, and am not engaged enough with the kids and in
making myself available to do stuff with them that interests them - I
think if I was investing more time with them, we'd be doing more
things and my DH would not have got to this anxious state.)

Any ideas of how to handle him? (I even found myself thinking today
that I could help them to write out a little story for him, "What I
like about Runescape", or "Things I've learned because of Runescape".
Is that totally ridiculous? I've never suggested they do anything
like this before. I thought I could explain in to them in terms of
doing something to ease Dad's concerns and help ensure their freedom
to continue this lifestyle.

Open to suggestions,

Karen





__________ NOD32 2698 (20071203) Information __________

This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system.
http://www.eset.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

~~ He said he doesn't
want them to be embarrassed like he's been as an adult, when he hasn't
known seemingly basic things, for instance, in a game of trivial
pursuit (history type stuff - I assured him they've learned heaps
about history), and also just with things like identifying verbs,
nouns etc (he seriously said he was teased during his nursing degree
because he didn't know the difference - he went to 11 different
schools and missed some basic things). ~~


Ok, I'm sure you can see the complete irony here! He's so worried
about his children, yet schooling didn't work for him at ALL. It's
funny from this side of the fence, though it's no laughing matter when
you're in the middle of trying to calm a frustrated spouse. Been there.

Maybe gently point out that all the schooling you both received
apparently didn't help you in the areas he's concerned about. So
schooling is certainly not the answer right? Maybe a child that is
totally fascinated with something (at the moment, Runescape) is the
child that is MOST likely to make connections and truly LEARN.

I have so much more I'd like to share on this topic, but I've borrowed
the computer from someone and they really want it back soon....so
maybe later.


Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Karen A

--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@...> wrote:

> Ok, I'm sure you can see the complete irony here! He's so worried
> about his children, yet schooling didn't work for him at ALL.
>
> Maybe gently point out that all the schooling you both received
> apparently didn't help you in the areas he's concerned about. So
> schooling is certainly not the answer right?

**** Speaking of irony, he gave me an example of a homeschool kid he
used to lecture at college who was completely unmotivated, lazy, and
not well "educated" and how he doesn't want our kids to turn out like
him. I had to point out that that person had been homeschooled using
"A.C.E." which is really just fill-in-the-blanks school-at-home and I
bet he never got to do anything like Runescape LOL!!! He then gave me
other examples of people he used to lecture that could hardly put a
sentence together and they HAD been to school - again, it's an ironic
thing to point out. He's just worried that they won't be well
prepared for life. I sent him a great John Holt quote the other day:

Since we can't know what knowledge will be most needed in the future,
it is
senseless to try to teach it in advance. Instead, we should try to
turn out
people who love learning so much and learn so well that they will be
able to
learn whatever needs to be learned

– John Holt

> Maybe a child that is
> totally fascinated with something (at the moment, Runescape) is the
> child that is MOST likely to make connections and truly LEARN.

***Yes, I agree with this and tried to point this out to him. I think
their immersion in Runescape, and their stickability in winning
challenges, increasing their levels etc. is transferrable to other
things. But..... when all is said and done, I think I have my own
frustrations with this. I still see Runescape as separate to "the
real world" and I sometimes feel offended that they choose to immerse
themselves in that to the exclusion of other things, and that they
don't seem interested in any alternative activities I suggest (i.e.
"Hey, do you want me to read to you?" or "I found this cool science
experiment on the web - do you want to do it together?").

Still struggling,

Karen

Karen A

--- In [email protected], "Ulrike Haupt" <rica@...> wrote:
>
> Your husbands outburst is NOT about runescape or anything about the
unschoooling way of life. At least not directly, even if he says so.
>
> What if he still runs on a track programmed by his schooling, as you
mentioned that he was ridiculed for something?
>

*** Yeah, I'm sure he's affected by his schooling, but he also is
thinking ahead and wanting our kids to have a better outcome than him
(even though he dropped out of school early and still ended up going
to college, partly by doing a college-prep maths course). He just
doesn't trust that their immersion in Runescape will get them there.
He thinks of them as lazy, and yeah, I must admit that I sometimes do
too. I find it hard to stand in the kitchen with all their dishes all
around me from the day, and see them not care about it at all. And
when I ask for some help (we don't do set "chores" but I do ask them
for help throughout the day), they verbally resent having to stop what
they're doing, as if I'm asking too much, even though they've been
playing the game for hours and hours.

So yeah, i think you're right. This is not just about my DH. It's
definitely about me too. I didn't have the confidence to totally
refute what he was saying. I'm still looking for that confidence and
trust myself, and still wishing they'd engage in other activities too.

Karen


> And maybe his outbirst was not really about him but about some
niggling doubt within you about this 'total runescape immersion' of
your children. A doubt that he just brought to the fore for you to
find a better feeling thought about for yourself?
>
> I try to remember that when someone is upset it is NEVER about the
reason they think they are. Ask "What does it mean about me (or the
other) if this makes me upset?" And keep on asking until you find the
core issue behind the upset. It really is not about runescape, trust
me on this.
>
> Of course, when you find the core issue you may have to jump through
some tight hoops to soothe that pain, whatever it may be. (your own or
your husbands.)
>
> Blissings
> Ulrike
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Karen A
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Tuesday, December 04, 2007 3:36 PM
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Emergency!!
>
>
> Hi,
>
> We've been deschooling/unschooling for about 3 years now, and have
> totally let go of all curriculum/grade levels/schoolish-think etc. I
> thought my DH was really starting to relax about it all (he hasn't
> said anything negative for a long time) until today:
>
> Up until about 6 weeks ago, the kids (5, 7, 11 & 13) haven't been able
> to play Runescape (for about 2 years) because of problems with our
> computers. Now, however, we've been able to get things working and
> they are LOVING the game (even my 5 year old)!!! I've been totally
> unlimited with it (although I have been known to be occasionally a bit
> passive aggressive, hinting that they've been on it for most of the
> day, it's beautiful outside now, etc etc and perhaps they could do
> something else for awhile.... etc. They really are loving the game
> and spend a LOT of each day playing it. They are interested in very
> little else, except a little bit of music playing. They seem quite
> lost when they're not playing it, and (there are 2 computers) if there
> isn't a computer free, they'll mostly just watch whoever is playing.
>
> Today, my DH got really, really angry about it and expressed how
> desperately concerned he is about it all. He's very worried that they
> won't be prepared for the future, that they won't be able to "write an
> essay" if they go to college. He's not even sure they can "put a
> sentence together correctly" because the emails they send him have
> lots of grammatical and spelling errors in them. He said he doesn't
> want them to be embarrassed like he's been as an adult, when he hasn't
> known seemingly basic things, for instance, in a game of trivial
> pursuit (history type stuff - I assured him they've learned heaps
> about history), and also just with things like identifying verbs,
> nouns etc (he seriously said he was teased during his nursing degree
> because he didn't know the difference - he went to 11 different
> schools and missed some basic things). I reassured him that I
> finished school, did well, and am HOPELESS at Trivial Pursuit. There
> really are more important things. He knows that, and it's probably a
> poor example of his concern. He doesn't want to make a mistake with
> their education; to deprive them of opportunities later in life if
> they don't have basic english and maths skills. He's really very
> angry and upset and even suggested that perhaps a term in school would
> "wake them up to some harsh realities".
>
> I just don't know how to handle this. He has their best interests at
> heart, and I do too. I find myself starting to doubt my approach when
> he speaks like this. (I actually feel like I've become a bit too
> busy in my own world, and am not engaged enough with the kids and in
> making myself available to do stuff with them that interests them - I
> think if I was investing more time with them, we'd be doing more
> things and my DH would not have got to this anxious state.)
>
> Any ideas of how to handle him? (I even found myself thinking today
> that I could help them to write out a little story for him, "What I
> like about Runescape", or "Things I've learned because of Runescape".
> Is that totally ridiculous? I've never suggested they do anything
> like this before. I thought I could explain in to them in terms of
> doing something to ease Dad's concerns and help ensure their freedom
> to continue this lifestyle.
>
> Open to suggestions,
>
> Karen
>
>
>
>
>
> __________ NOD32 2698 (20071203) Information __________
>
> This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system.
> http://www.eset.com
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

shari bergquist

"I sometimes feel offended that they choose to immerse
themselves in that to the exclusion of other things, and that they
don't seem interested in any alternative activities I suggest (i.e.
"Hey, do you want me to read to you?" or "I found this cool science
experiment on the web - do you want to do it together?")."

My girls (8 and 11) are like this too sometimes with webkinz and the sims.
I try to remind myself and hubby that even though they
aren't learning traditional math and or english, science, history or
whatever they are still learning something! Some of the stuff on webkinz
actually is "educational" in the mainstream way like Quizzy's corner. I
explained how daddy was afraid that if we unschooled (we just started last
week sorta) They've been unschooling for over a month dad just realized it
last week or so. anyway, I told them he was afraid they wouldn't do chores
or anything around the house any longer if I didn't make them and so far
they have been very helpful when they see me doing house work they offer to
help. they love unschooling versus school at home and really want to
continue with it. I am definatly finding unschooling to be hard for me
sometimes I'm trying to deschool myself and to learn more mindful
parenting. It's going to be quite the journey:) Shari





--
Shari Bergquist
Independent Stampin' Up Demonstrator
www.sharibergquist.stampinup.net


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

tetonicfork

Just a thought here but stop thinking of your children as adults!!
When you have a sink full of dishes and your children do not come
running up to help they are being kids. That is not their job to
think ahead and try to make your life easier. One suggestion I have
made to my children (i have 4)is that a household of 6 people cannot
be run by any one person. Everyone needs to pitch in where they can
with what they can and that will free up time for all household
members. Then you mom or you dad can join them in a boardgame or
computer game. My kids love to play computer games all the time.
They love it more when I join in and they can teach me the game. I
learn a lot from my kids as to what they know by letting them teach
me. And boy do they know. All about the levels and the things they
have to do to get there. Anyway just a thought. Angel


--- In [email protected], "Karen A" <gktbdm@...>
wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "Ulrike Haupt" <rica@>
wrote:
> >
> > Your husbands outburst is NOT about runescape or anything about
the
> unschoooling way of life. At least not directly, even if he says so.
> >
> > What if he still runs on a track programmed by his schooling, as
you
> mentioned that he was ridiculed for something?
> >
>
> *** Yeah, I'm sure he's affected by his schooling, but he also is
> thinking ahead and wanting our kids to have a better outcome than
him
> (even though he dropped out of school early and still ended up going
> to college, partly by doing a college-prep maths course). He just
> doesn't trust that their immersion in Runescape will get them
there.
> He thinks of them as lazy, and yeah, I must admit that I sometimes
do
> too. I find it hard to stand in the kitchen with all their dishes
all
> around me from the day, and see them not care about it at all. And
> when I ask for some help (we don't do set "chores" but I do ask them
> for help throughout the day), they verbally resent having to stop
what
> they're doing, as if I'm asking too much, even though they've been
> playing the game for hours and hours.
>
> So yeah, i think you're right. This is not just about my DH. It's
> definitely about me too. I didn't have the confidence to totally
> refute what he was saying. I'm still looking for that confidence
and
> trust myself, and still wishing they'd engage in other activities
too.
>
> Karen
>
>
> > And maybe his outbirst was not really about him but about some
> niggling doubt within you about this 'total runescape immersion' of
> your children. A doubt that he just brought to the fore for you to
> find a better feeling thought about for yourself?
> >
> > I try to remember that when someone is upset it is NEVER about the
> reason they think they are. Ask "What does it mean about me (or the
> other) if this makes me upset?" And keep on asking until you find
the
> core issue behind the upset. It really is not about runescape, trust
> me on this.
> >
> > Of course, when you find the core issue you may have to jump
through
> some tight hoops to soothe that pain, whatever it may be. (your own
or
> your husbands.)
> >
> > Blissings
> > Ulrike
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: Karen A
> > To: [email protected]
> > Sent: Tuesday, December 04, 2007 3:36 PM
> > Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Emergency!!
> >
> >
> > Hi,
> >
> > We've been deschooling/unschooling for about 3 years now, and
have
> > totally let go of all curriculum/grade levels/schoolish-think
etc. I
> > thought my DH was really starting to relax about it all (he
hasn't
> > said anything negative for a long time) until today:
> >
> > Up until about 6 weeks ago, the kids (5, 7, 11 & 13) haven't
been able
> > to play Runescape (for about 2 years) because of problems with
our
> > computers. Now, however, we've been able to get things working
and
> > they are LOVING the game (even my 5 year old)!!! I've been
totally
> > unlimited with it (although I have been known to be
occasionally a bit
> > passive aggressive, hinting that they've been on it for most of
the
> > day, it's beautiful outside now, etc etc and perhaps they could
do
> > something else for awhile.... etc. They really are loving the
game
> > and spend a LOT of each day playing it. They are interested in
very
> > little else, except a little bit of music playing. They seem
quite
> > lost when they're not playing it, and (there are 2 computers)
if there
> > isn't a computer free, they'll mostly just watch whoever is
playing.
> >
> > Today, my DH got really, really angry about it and expressed how
> > desperately concerned he is about it all. He's very worried
that they
> > won't be prepared for the future, that they won't be able
to "write an
> > essay" if they go to college. He's not even sure they can "put a
> > sentence together correctly" because the emails they send him
have
> > lots of grammatical and spelling errors in them. He said he
doesn't
> > want them to be embarrassed like he's been as an adult, when he
hasn't
> > known seemingly basic things, for instance, in a game of trivial
> > pursuit (history type stuff - I assured him they've learned
heaps
> > about history), and also just with things like identifying
verbs,
> > nouns etc (he seriously said he was teased during his nursing
degree
> > because he didn't know the difference - he went to 11 different
> > schools and missed some basic things). I reassured him that I
> > finished school, did well, and am HOPELESS at Trivial Pursuit.
There
> > really are more important things. He knows that, and it's
probably a
> > poor example of his concern. He doesn't want to make a mistake
with
> > their education; to deprive them of opportunities later in life
if
> > they don't have basic english and maths skills. He's really very
> > angry and upset and even suggested that perhaps a term in
school would
> > "wake them up to some harsh realities".
> >
> > I just don't know how to handle this. He has their best
interests at
> > heart, and I do too. I find myself starting to doubt my
approach when
> > he speaks like this. (I actually feel like I've become a bit too
> > busy in my own world, and am not engaged enough with the kids
and in
> > making myself available to do stuff with them that interests
them - I
> > think if I was investing more time with them, we'd be doing more
> > things and my DH would not have got to this anxious state.)
> >
> > Any ideas of how to handle him? (I even found myself thinking
today
> > that I could help them to write out a little story for
him, "What I
> > like about Runescape", or "Things I've learned because of
Runescape".
> > Is that totally ridiculous? I've never suggested they do
anything
> > like this before. I thought I could explain in to them in terms
of
> > doing something to ease Dad's concerns and help ensure their
freedom
> > to continue this lifestyle.
> >
> > Open to suggestions,
> >
> > Karen
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > __________ NOD32 2698 (20071203) Information __________
> >
> > This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system.
> > http://www.eset.com
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>

diana jenner

***Yes, I agree with this and tried to point this out to him. I think

> their immersion in Runescape, and their stickability in winning
> challenges, increasing their levels etc. is transferrable to other
> things. But..... when all is said and done, I think I have my own
> frustrations with this. I still see Runescape as separate to "the
> real world" and
>








Quite frankly, I'm too lazy to play Runescape! It's over my head, the
juggling of so much information to do the slightest thing. Hayden, 9, has
not even close to the same perspective! He not only knows what to do and how
to figure out where to get the information he doesn't yet have to do
whatever it is he's determined to do, on Runescape, he's got the same
knowledge for World of Warcraft, GuildWars, Company of Heroes, and a bunch
of other games I'm forgetting.
Hayden gets immersed in Guitar Hero in spurts. He was fine with it left at
our friends' house for weeks and now he has played every day for a week. I
watch him work out his own frustrations with meeting Self-Determined goals;
this is where I see his *toolbox* at work - he moves through techniques
(growling, breathing deep, walking away) and either returns to the
task-at-hand or shifts his own focus to something else until he's ready to
go back. It's mastery on his own terms. The only kind of mastery worth
anything. It is his *Real-World* - to call it anything else is condescending
and dismissive.
Joy is transferable to all parts of life.
Knowing your parents support your endeavors is transferable to all parts of
life.
Knowing you're giving your kids *more* than you ever had is transferable to
all parts of life.

***I sometimes feel offended that they choose to immerse
themselves in that to the exclusion of other things,

Something I'm mastering on my journey is "Don't take it
personally<http://www.miguelruiz.com/fouragreements.html>."
It's a sacred mantra for parents and worth the practice.

***and that they
don't seem interested in any alternative activities I suggest (i.e.
"Hey, do you want me to read to you?" or "I found this cool science
experiment on the web - do you want to do it together?").

I'm on a big knitting frenzy right now, immersed to the exclusion of almost
everything else ('cept I really like to eat and blog!). If my Life Partner
came at me with alternative activities and became pissy and grumbly when I
didn't accept, I'd be pissy and grumbly right back, and soon the whole house
would be pissy and grumbly - NOT a cycle worth beginning. If I *wanted* to
do something else, I'd be *doing* something else; at the very least looking
for something else to do. *You* are welcome to be next to me, doing whatever
it is you would like to be doing right now (reading a book, watching a DVD
on the portable player, listening to the MP3player, crocheting,
whatever...).
When my project is portable, I go near Hayden. When my project is not as
portable, he will often find something portable to do near me. He plays GH
while I'm on the computer, I'll knit while he watches South Park, he'll
watch DVDs while I make our Holiday Cards.

Still struggling,
>
>
>

I highly recommend a listen or 25 of this:
http://sandradodd.com/parentingpeacefully
At the bottom of the page is a recording of a talk called Peaceful Parenting
(now called Parenting Peacefully) and it's a priceless listen.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com


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