My son is having a tough time
swissarmy_wife
I have a 9 year old son that is having a really hard time right now.
It seems that ever since he was born life has been a struggle for him.
He hasn't developed coping mechanisms like other children and has
displayed numerous signs of sensory integration problems. The reason
we started homeschooling was because public school had become nearly
impossible for him. He is bright and very smart, but hyper beyond
belief! Since he was young he has always seemed to have an issue with
being asked not to do something, regardless of his safety. At one
point in time, my husband said to me, why can't he do something or
other and I responded with a "I really don't think he can". That one
statement was somewhere at the beginning of our unschooling journey.
I started to understand him more, and who he is.
I'm looking for insight into how to help him get along. The last few
weeks (probably more), have been hell for him. He can't seem to get
along with his brother no matter matter what I do. (I'm usually very
good at helping them work out their differences.) His anxiety is at
an all time high, he is the most sensitive I have seen him in a long
time. (not just emotional, all senses). Recently he has joined the
youth theater and tells he is being yelled at constantly, and hates
the stage manager. He is being told to sit alone near the desk
because he is being disruptive. Now, I'd like to believe his story
about him being singled out like that... but I know from experience
what is going on. He doesn't seem to understand how extreme he can
be. While one person is LOUD... he is 3 times as LOUD. When a child
is active he is 2 times as active.
I cry for him because I know the way people perceive him is many times
negative, yet I don't know how to protect him or help him through it.
Or help him address the issues so he could have a positive experience
with the theater. He wanted nothing more than to be in this play, and
now he is telling me he wants out, but ONLY because the teacher keeps
yelling at him. (he is soooo sensitive) I haven't talked to the
director, I want to, but I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to do with him right now. We have always lived free
from diagnosis and evaluation because I always thought it was for the
benefit of the schools. I wonder if I have made a terrible mistake
and maybe someone had some answers for me somewhere.
Someone told me to read the out of sync child for some answers. Is
their anyone in a similar situation? I'm looking for any and all
experience. If this post seems emotional its because it is. I'm sort
of in the thick of it right now.
It seems that ever since he was born life has been a struggle for him.
He hasn't developed coping mechanisms like other children and has
displayed numerous signs of sensory integration problems. The reason
we started homeschooling was because public school had become nearly
impossible for him. He is bright and very smart, but hyper beyond
belief! Since he was young he has always seemed to have an issue with
being asked not to do something, regardless of his safety. At one
point in time, my husband said to me, why can't he do something or
other and I responded with a "I really don't think he can". That one
statement was somewhere at the beginning of our unschooling journey.
I started to understand him more, and who he is.
I'm looking for insight into how to help him get along. The last few
weeks (probably more), have been hell for him. He can't seem to get
along with his brother no matter matter what I do. (I'm usually very
good at helping them work out their differences.) His anxiety is at
an all time high, he is the most sensitive I have seen him in a long
time. (not just emotional, all senses). Recently he has joined the
youth theater and tells he is being yelled at constantly, and hates
the stage manager. He is being told to sit alone near the desk
because he is being disruptive. Now, I'd like to believe his story
about him being singled out like that... but I know from experience
what is going on. He doesn't seem to understand how extreme he can
be. While one person is LOUD... he is 3 times as LOUD. When a child
is active he is 2 times as active.
I cry for him because I know the way people perceive him is many times
negative, yet I don't know how to protect him or help him through it.
Or help him address the issues so he could have a positive experience
with the theater. He wanted nothing more than to be in this play, and
now he is telling me he wants out, but ONLY because the teacher keeps
yelling at him. (he is soooo sensitive) I haven't talked to the
director, I want to, but I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to do with him right now. We have always lived free
from diagnosis and evaluation because I always thought it was for the
benefit of the schools. I wonder if I have made a terrible mistake
and maybe someone had some answers for me somewhere.
Someone told me to read the out of sync child for some answers. Is
their anyone in a similar situation? I'm looking for any and all
experience. If this post seems emotional its because it is. I'm sort
of in the thick of it right now.
Karen Buxcel
Could you accompany him to the theater rehearsals? He might feel safer if
you were there. And the teacher is certainly not about to yell so ugly if
someone is there watching. Just a quick thought.
Karen
you were there. And the teacher is certainly not about to yell so ugly if
someone is there watching. Just a quick thought.
Karen
On Dec 2, 2007 3:50 PM, swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...> wrote:
> I have a 9 year old son that is having a really hard time right now.
> It seems that ever since he was born life has been a struggle for him.
> He hasn't developed coping mechanisms like other children and has
> displayed numerous signs of sensory integration problems. The reason
> we started homeschooling was because public school had become nearly
> impossible for him. He is bright and very smart, but hyper beyond
> belief! Since he was young he has always seemed to have an issue with
> being asked not to do something, regardless of his safety. At one
> point in time, my husband said to me, why can't he do something or
> other and I responded with a "I really don't think he can". That one
> statement was somewhere at the beginning of our unschooling journey.
> I started to understand him more, and who he is.
>
> I'm looking for insight into how to help him get along. The last few
> weeks (probably more), have been hell for him. He can't seem to get
> along with his brother no matter matter what I do. (I'm usually very
> good at helping them work out their differences.) His anxiety is at
> an all time high, he is the most sensitive I have seen him in a long
> time. (not just emotional, all senses). Recently he has joined the
> youth theater and tells he is being yelled at constantly, and hates
> the stage manager. He is being told to sit alone near the desk
> because he is being disruptive. Now, I'd like to believe his story
> about him being singled out like that... but I know from experience
> what is going on. He doesn't seem to understand how extreme he can
> be. While one person is LOUD... he is 3 times as LOUD. When a child
> is active he is 2 times as active.
>
> I cry for him because I know the way people perceive him is many times
> negative, yet I don't know how to protect him or help him through it.
> Or help him address the issues so he could have a positive experience
> with the theater. He wanted nothing more than to be in this play, and
> now he is telling me he wants out, but ONLY because the teacher keeps
> yelling at him. (he is soooo sensitive) I haven't talked to the
> director, I want to, but I don't know what to say.
>
> I don't know what to do with him right now. We have always lived free
> from diagnosis and evaluation because I always thought it was for the
> benefit of the schools. I wonder if I have made a terrible mistake
> and maybe someone had some answers for me somewhere.
>
> Someone told me to read the out of sync child for some answers. Is
> their anyone in a similar situation? I'm looking for any and all
> experience. If this post seems emotional its because it is. I'm sort
> of in the thick of it right now.
>
>
>
--
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know
peace."
Jimi Hendrix
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tetonicfork
I have a son just as you described. I posted about his fighting
issue and it is because he is so sensitive. He thinks everyone
around him is out to get him and they are all mean. He takes things
literally. He is 11yrs old now. He is a pleasure to raise but there
are times that his loudness gets to me.
Other people including my husband who aren't around him all hours of
the day say how loud he is. But he is just trying to get attention.
He wants to be the center of everything. Theatre is a good choice
for your son. I had my son do two plays thru our homeschool group
(when he is about 7yrs old) and there was tension and stress from
others when our boy (who by the way got the lead) wouldn't settle
down for them.
Your sweetheart is a free spirit and can not handle the restricions
society has put on all of us. He will in time learn to cope. My son
says all the time he is not a conformist. He likes to beat his own
drum in his own time.(Even if it is too loud or out of tune for us.)
Angel
--- In [email protected], "Karen Buxcel"
<thewildtribe@...> wrote:
issue and it is because he is so sensitive. He thinks everyone
around him is out to get him and they are all mean. He takes things
literally. He is 11yrs old now. He is a pleasure to raise but there
are times that his loudness gets to me.
Other people including my husband who aren't around him all hours of
the day say how loud he is. But he is just trying to get attention.
He wants to be the center of everything. Theatre is a good choice
for your son. I had my son do two plays thru our homeschool group
(when he is about 7yrs old) and there was tension and stress from
others when our boy (who by the way got the lead) wouldn't settle
down for them.
Your sweetheart is a free spirit and can not handle the restricions
society has put on all of us. He will in time learn to cope. My son
says all the time he is not a conformist. He likes to beat his own
drum in his own time.(Even if it is too loud or out of tune for us.)
Angel
--- In [email protected], "Karen Buxcel"
<thewildtribe@...> wrote:
>safer if
> Could you accompany him to the theater rehearsals? He might feel
> you were there. And the teacher is certainly not about to yell sougly if
> someone is there watching. Just a quick thought.now.
>
> Karen
>
> On Dec 2, 2007 3:50 PM, swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...> wrote:
>
> > I have a 9 year old son that is having a really hard time right
> > It seems that ever since he was born life has been a struggle forhim.
> > He hasn't developed coping mechanisms like other children and hasreason
> > displayed numerous signs of sensory integration problems. The
> > we started homeschooling was because public school had becomenearly
> > impossible for him. He is bright and very smart, but hyper beyondwith
> > belief! Since he was young he has always seemed to have an issue
> > being asked not to do something, regardless of his safety. At oneone
> > point in time, my husband said to me, why can't he do something or
> > other and I responded with a "I really don't think he can". That
> > statement was somewhere at the beginning of our unschoolingjourney.
> > I started to understand him more, and who he is.few
> >
> > I'm looking for insight into how to help him get along. The last
> > weeks (probably more), have been hell for him. He can't seem toget
> > along with his brother no matter matter what I do. (I'm usuallyvery
> > good at helping them work out their differences.) His anxiety isat
> > an all time high, he is the most sensitive I have seen him in along
> > time. (not just emotional, all senses). Recently he has joined thehates
> > youth theater and tells he is being yelled at constantly, and
> > the stage manager. He is being told to sit alone near the deskexperience
> > because he is being disruptive. Now, I'd like to believe his story
> > about him being singled out like that... but I know from
> > what is going on. He doesn't seem to understand how extreme he canchild
> > be. While one person is LOUD... he is 3 times as LOUD. When a
> > is active he is 2 times as active.times
> >
> > I cry for him because I know the way people perceive him is many
> > negative, yet I don't know how to protect him or help him throughit.
> > Or help him address the issues so he could have a positiveexperience
> > with the theater. He wanted nothing more than to be in this play,and
> > now he is telling me he wants out, but ONLY because the teacherkeeps
> > yelling at him. (he is soooo sensitive) I haven't talked to thefree
> > director, I want to, but I don't know what to say.
> >
> > I don't know what to do with him right now. We have always lived
> > from diagnosis and evaluation because I always thought it was forthe
> > benefit of the schools. I wonder if I have made a terrible mistakesort
> > and maybe someone had some answers for me somewhere.
> >
> > Someone told me to read the out of sync child for some answers. Is
> > their anyone in a similar situation? I'm looking for any and all
> > experience. If this post seems emotional its because it is. I'm
> > of in the thick of it right now.know
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
> --
> "When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will
> peace."
> Jimi Hendrix
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/2/2007 6:27:48 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
heatherbean@... writes:
Someone told me to read the out of sync child for some answers. Is
their anyone in a similar situation? I'm looking for any and all
experience. If this post seems emotional its because it is. I'm sort
of in the thick of it right now.
__________________
I second that and also would add "Sensational Kids" to that. It was like a
clearing in the shy for me!
_http://www.sensationalkids.org/homepage.html_
(http://www.sensationalkids.org/homepage.html)
Warmly,
Karen
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
heatherbean@... writes:
Someone told me to read the out of sync child for some answers. Is
their anyone in a similar situation? I'm looking for any and all
experience. If this post seems emotional its because it is. I'm sort
of in the thick of it right now.
__________________
I second that and also would add "Sensational Kids" to that. It was like a
clearing in the shy for me!
_http://www.sensationalkids.org/homepage.html_
(http://www.sensationalkids.org/homepage.html)
Warmly,
Karen
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/3/2007 6:30:52 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
tetonicfork@... writes:
He takes things
literally.
Your sweetheart is a free spirit and can not handle the restricions
society has put on all of us. He will in time learn to cope. My son
says all the time he is not a conformist. He likes to beat his own
drum in his own time.(Even if it is too loud or out of tune for us.)
____________________
Ah, reminds me in some ways, of myself. I HATED the song "Short People" by
Randy Newman - how MEAN I thought! And the phrase "Keep your eyes peeled" would
bring me to tears. Just 2 examples. I still AM a literalist ;) And I am
sensitive and cry easily. But I learned how to manage that to some extent - I
learned to express myself (dancing, singing, writing and saying, "Hey! That hurt
my feelings! Explain yourself! Now!!")
Just you listening to him will help. He knows you hear him and now you're
finding (more) ways to support him. That's wonderful to see :)
Take care!
Karen
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tetonicfork@... writes:
He takes things
literally.
Your sweetheart is a free spirit and can not handle the restricions
society has put on all of us. He will in time learn to cope. My son
says all the time he is not a conformist. He likes to beat his own
drum in his own time.(Even if it is too loud or out of tune for us.)
____________________
Ah, reminds me in some ways, of myself. I HATED the song "Short People" by
Randy Newman - how MEAN I thought! And the phrase "Keep your eyes peeled" would
bring me to tears. Just 2 examples. I still AM a literalist ;) And I am
sensitive and cry easily. But I learned how to manage that to some extent - I
learned to express myself (dancing, singing, writing and saying, "Hey! That hurt
my feelings! Explain yourself! Now!!")
Just you listening to him will help. He knows you hear him and now you're
finding (more) ways to support him. That's wonderful to see :)
Take care!
Karen
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
Thanks for the ideas/support.
YOUR RIGHT! He does take everything literally! I know many kids this
age do that, but so much more than that even! I find myself confused
sometimes that he doesn't understand something that comes so simply to
me. Pointing this out alone will help me a great deal.
Before we chose to homeschool and ultimately unschool him, we had
placed him in Karate. Karate seemed to help him in so many ways. It
really helped him find his center and be the child he wants to be. It
upsets him so much that he can't do certain things like other kids(sit
till, be patient, be quieter). However, he recently left Karate. Now
he is back to wear he was when he was in public school. He was in
karate for a few years and he has been out for a few months. Do you
think he is "DE-Karating"? And if so how I can I help him through
this really difficult time? He just "loses it" so easily before I
even can have a chance to help him out. He seems to be in turmoil
(inner and outer) day in and day out.
LOUD! Yes, he is so incredibly loud its, well... INCREDIBLE! I tell
him often, SAVE IT FOR THE STAGE! LOL He will do well. His director
thinks so. I ended up writing her an email, explaining a few things,
and told her that we could brainstorm some ideas together to help him
have patience and keep his hands to himself. LOL
YOUR RIGHT! He does take everything literally! I know many kids this
age do that, but so much more than that even! I find myself confused
sometimes that he doesn't understand something that comes so simply to
me. Pointing this out alone will help me a great deal.
Before we chose to homeschool and ultimately unschool him, we had
placed him in Karate. Karate seemed to help him in so many ways. It
really helped him find his center and be the child he wants to be. It
upsets him so much that he can't do certain things like other kids(sit
till, be patient, be quieter). However, he recently left Karate. Now
he is back to wear he was when he was in public school. He was in
karate for a few years and he has been out for a few months. Do you
think he is "DE-Karating"? And if so how I can I help him through
this really difficult time? He just "loses it" so easily before I
even can have a chance to help him out. He seems to be in turmoil
(inner and outer) day in and day out.
LOUD! Yes, he is so incredibly loud its, well... INCREDIBLE! I tell
him often, SAVE IT FOR THE STAGE! LOL He will do well. His director
thinks so. I ended up writing her an email, explaining a few things,
and told her that we could brainstorm some ideas together to help him
have patience and keep his hands to himself. LOL
--- In [email protected], Kidgie@... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 12/3/2007 6:30:52 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
> tetonicfork@... writes:
>
> He takes things
> literally.
>
>
> Your sweetheart is a free spirit and can not handle the restricions
> society has put on all of us. He will in time learn to cope. My son
> says all the time he is not a conformist. He likes to beat his own
> drum in his own time.(Even if it is too loud or out of tune for us.)
> ____________________
>
> Ah, reminds me in some ways, of myself. I HATED the song "Short
People" by
> Randy Newman - how MEAN I thought! And the phrase "Keep your eyes
peeled" would
> bring me to tears. Just 2 examples. I still AM a literalist ;) And
I am
> sensitive and cry easily. But I learned how to manage that to some
extent - I
> learned to express myself (dancing, singing, writing and saying,
"Hey! That hurt
> my feelings! Explain yourself! Now!!")
>
> Just you listening to him will help. He knows you hear him and now
you're
> finding (more) ways to support him. That's wonderful to see :)
>
> Take care!
> Karen
>
>
>
>
>
> **************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's
hottest
> products.
>
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Paul D. Fernhout
swissarmy_wife wrote:
things with omega-3 fatty acids (fish, walnuts, Coreomega, other things), or
perhaps also a children's multivitamin if otherwise he is eating poorly?
Does he eat things with artificial colors or artificial sweeteners
(including tooth paste)? Stuff with various preservatives? Does he have
things with corn syrup in them (perhaps a sulfite allergy which is in corn
syrup, molasses, grape juice, lemon juice, etc)? Too much other junk food
with who knows what is in it? And so on. We've found the issue with junk
food is best handled in the supermarket -- not in the home once it is there.
Diet can have a huge impact on behavior. Of course, so can genetics and
environment. But diet is often easier to change.
Here is a sample link:
http://www.cspinet.org/nah/3_00/diet_behavior.html
"The idea that food can affect children’s behavior gained popularity in the
early 1970s, when California allergist Benjamin Feingold claimed that the
behavior of many of his young patients improved when he placed them on
special diets to treat their food allergies. Feingold blamed food
additives—especially food dyes—as well as salicylates, which are chemicals
that occur naturally in most fruits. ... “Some of these studies
demonstrated significant improvement in the behavior of children when their
diets were changed, or deterioration in their behavior when they were given
food dyes or other offending foods,” says Eugene Arnold, professor emeritus
of psychiatry at Ohio State University. But in other studies, the
improvements were small, and in a few there were none. ... In some of the
nine studies on children with typical ADHD, the behavior of kids who were
put on an additive-free diet returned to normal (as rated by their parents
or teachers). But don’t expect miracles. ”Parents who are looking for a
magic bullet may be frustrated,” says researcher Bonnie Kaplan of the
University of Calgary, who conducted one of the best studies.3 Changes in
diet don’t produce as dramatic or consistent results as ADHD drugs. “Diet
really does make a difference for a relatively small number of kids,”
concludes Susan Roberts of Tufts University, author of Feeding Your Child
for Lifelong Health (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1999). “But until more long-term
studies are done, we can’t prescribe one diet that will help all of them.”"
Another example:
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030514-000001.html
"Does a poor diet lead to crime? Some British researchers think so. They
studied the behavior of 231 inmates at a maximum-security prison in the U.K.
Half of the group received daily capsules containing vitamins, minerals and
essential fatty acids, while the other half took dummy pills. Antisocial
behavior among inmates was recorded before and during the trial. The
supplement group broke prison rules 25 percent less than those on the
placebo. The greatest reduction was for serious offenses--instances of
fighting, assaulting guards or taking hostages dropped 37 percent. There
was, however, no significant change in the control group. Lead scientist
Bernard Gesch, a physiology researcher at Oxford University, wasn't
surprised by the findings, published in the British Journal of Psychiatry. A
former probation officer, Gesch once gave supplements to young delinquents
under his watch and noticed an improvement in their behavior. That
experience helped shape his later research. "Nutrition as a causal factor in
antisocial behavior is so simple it's been overlooked," he says. "We think
of behavior completely as a matter of free will."""
Just to back up this point for what a personal anecdote is worth, my wife
has suffered from terrible and frequent migraines for twenty or more years;
this has cost us many many thousands of dollars for pills and been a big
worry with increasing dosages (which doctors suggest is needed as they said
approaching menopause leads to more and worse migraines). She has seen
multiple doctors for this (with little good advice, beyond prescriptions).
She finally cut all corn syrup out of her diet -- which was difficult since
it is often in stuff like bread and ketchup. She had also dropped over the
years other things, like raisins, shrimp, and so on which have sulfites
(corn syrup can have sulfites added too as a preservative). Guess what --
migraine free for many weeks (except when she had two following chicken
nuggets and a soda from Wendy's). The longest time free of headaches in her
life. This is like a miracle in her life! My wife had also know about the
corn syrup and sulfite connection for years but discounted it (she was
avoiding diet soda because of the negative effect of those diet additives).
And now that she is headache free as a baseline, it will be easier to see
what does and does not cause headaches. Now, I'm not saying sulfites are an
issue with your kid (although you might look at food allergies in general).
Nor am I saying they cause any migraines for someone else. I'm just using
this as an example of how a seemingly intractable problem which was
continually getting worse suddenly went away with a change of diet. By the
way, Al Gore (remember him?) tried to ban added sulfites in the USA in 1985
but was prevented by industry lobbies. What a difference that ban might have
made in our lives. Added sulfites are banned in some parts of Europe. Still,
they may be fine for most people. And even in my wife's case, it may be some
other issue related to high fructose corn syrup instead of sulfites (corn
syrup may interfere with the body's sugar regulation and damage the pancreas
in ways different from plain table sugar),
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_fructose_corn_syrup
and there may be other triggers as well (some of which we have been working
to reduce for years). There are also things which are triggers for other
people (like MSG, chocolate, perhaps caffeine) which don't seem to be much
of a problem for her. But in any case, things have improved miraculously
with a change in diet -- including my wife's (and the rest of the family's)
general level of happiness and also her ability to deal with stress (since
the social stress -> painful headache connection seems to have been broken).
She has also found she has less craving for carbohydrates without the corn
syrup in her diet, and less swings of blood sugar which result in mood
swings (since both adults and kids tend to get cranky when their blood sugar
drops).
The blog of someone with more serious food alleries to sulfites:
http://www.leapscout.com/
I'd suggest, encourage your child to try a simplified diet for a while (no
processed stuff like lunchmeats or regular hot dogs or high fructose corn
syrup). Just eat, for one possibility, rice, beans, water, selected fruit,
vegetables, etc. and see if it helps. Frozen vegetables may be easiest to
use -- our child will even eat frozen small vegetables (peas, carrot pieces)
while still frozen (in fact, insists on it). It may also take a weeks to see
a change while the rest of the additives get out of his system. At the very
worst, eating a good balanced diet for a few weeks is unlikely to hurt him.
If it does, consider if something specific in the simplified diet
(especially specific fruits) may also be a problem. Ideally, if your budget
can afford it, try organic foods as well (although they are often more
expensive). Timing may be another issue -- perhaps your kids simply gets
cranky in when his blood sugar drops and that coincides with the time of the
drama lessons? Eliminating high fructose corn syrup may help with any
fluctuating blood sugar levels as well. Ideally you could talk with a doctor
who knows a lot about food and healing (a good nutritionist?) first -- there
could always be other underlying medical issues as well.
Unfortunately, if your kid is already non-cooperative, changing diet may be
yet another struggle (e.g. no McDonald's for a kid who lives on it might be
a shocker, and may try even further your own ability to cope). And as one of
the links above suggested, there may be no guarantee of success -- diet and
food allergies can be very child specific. I'm sure many people here may
have advice on how to make a diet change in an unschooling sort of way
(other than by "do it my way"), including having your child participate in
the dietary change. But I'd once again emphasize the point that most of the
"battle of the bulge" (both for kids and adults) is best fought in the
supermarket, not on the home front. :-) I'm sure lots of people here would
have advice on avoiding a battle even at the supermarket.
If a diet change seems like a complete impossibility, at the very least keep
a diet diary yourself for your child (or better, help him do it for himself)
-- and see if there is any obvious connection between behavior and specific
diet. For example, it might help you track down if his behavior is more
problematic an hour or a day after your kid has soda pop at McDonalds.
Now you might hear a lot of people saying -- my kid eats whatever they want
and it includes McDonald's and lots of soda pop and they are perfectly fine
-- and that may well be true, for *their* kid. Mailing lists also tend to be
self-selecting, in that if a particular approach doesn't work, people just
drop off and you hear mainly the success stories. Most people can eat
sulfites too (like in red wine or raisins) without crushing headaches -- but
my wife can't. To think, she used to start every day for years with Raisin
Bran. :-( Again, once you have identified a food issue, then people here
will have lots of advice on dealing with it -- including the approach which
has been outlined here of making sure the kid knows about it and then
dealing with consequences of their choice to themselves and others.
Sometimes my wife might chose to have red wine even knowing it will give her
a migraine later. Although since a food choice may affect the entire family
(e.g. siblings fighting), the issue may be more complex than a kid just
harming themselves by bad choices, which gets back to an idea IO read
somewhere that families can be parent-centered (do as I say), kid-centered
(whatever you want, dear), or family-centered (which entails a much more
complex balancing act of various interests by both kids and adults).
Now your son may already be eating really well, and may in the end have no
food allergies -- if so, please forgive the suggestion. The issues you
struggle with may well be genetic or environmental (poor drama coaching) or
just plain old personality or in relation to the play or his brother, just a
phase or just in relation to a specific incident. But if you have already
tried everything else, and are at your wit's end, then diet may be worth
looking into as something that might help, even just a bit. There remains a
lot of truth to "you are what you eat", and sometimes the issue of free will
is in deciding what we want to be by deciding what we want to eat.
--Paul Fernhout
> I have a 9 year old son that is having a really hard time right now.Have you looked at diet? Does he eat a balanced diet including leafy greens,
> It seems that ever since he was born life has been a struggle for him.
> He hasn't developed coping mechanisms like other children and has
> displayed numerous signs of sensory integration problems. ...
> I'm looking for insight into how to help him get along. The last few
> weeks (probably more), have been hell for him. ...
things with omega-3 fatty acids (fish, walnuts, Coreomega, other things), or
perhaps also a children's multivitamin if otherwise he is eating poorly?
Does he eat things with artificial colors or artificial sweeteners
(including tooth paste)? Stuff with various preservatives? Does he have
things with corn syrup in them (perhaps a sulfite allergy which is in corn
syrup, molasses, grape juice, lemon juice, etc)? Too much other junk food
with who knows what is in it? And so on. We've found the issue with junk
food is best handled in the supermarket -- not in the home once it is there.
Diet can have a huge impact on behavior. Of course, so can genetics and
environment. But diet is often easier to change.
Here is a sample link:
http://www.cspinet.org/nah/3_00/diet_behavior.html
"The idea that food can affect children’s behavior gained popularity in the
early 1970s, when California allergist Benjamin Feingold claimed that the
behavior of many of his young patients improved when he placed them on
special diets to treat their food allergies. Feingold blamed food
additives—especially food dyes—as well as salicylates, which are chemicals
that occur naturally in most fruits. ... “Some of these studies
demonstrated significant improvement in the behavior of children when their
diets were changed, or deterioration in their behavior when they were given
food dyes or other offending foods,” says Eugene Arnold, professor emeritus
of psychiatry at Ohio State University. But in other studies, the
improvements were small, and in a few there were none. ... In some of the
nine studies on children with typical ADHD, the behavior of kids who were
put on an additive-free diet returned to normal (as rated by their parents
or teachers). But don’t expect miracles. ”Parents who are looking for a
magic bullet may be frustrated,” says researcher Bonnie Kaplan of the
University of Calgary, who conducted one of the best studies.3 Changes in
diet don’t produce as dramatic or consistent results as ADHD drugs. “Diet
really does make a difference for a relatively small number of kids,”
concludes Susan Roberts of Tufts University, author of Feeding Your Child
for Lifelong Health (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1999). “But until more long-term
studies are done, we can’t prescribe one diet that will help all of them.”"
Another example:
http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030514-000001.html
"Does a poor diet lead to crime? Some British researchers think so. They
studied the behavior of 231 inmates at a maximum-security prison in the U.K.
Half of the group received daily capsules containing vitamins, minerals and
essential fatty acids, while the other half took dummy pills. Antisocial
behavior among inmates was recorded before and during the trial. The
supplement group broke prison rules 25 percent less than those on the
placebo. The greatest reduction was for serious offenses--instances of
fighting, assaulting guards or taking hostages dropped 37 percent. There
was, however, no significant change in the control group. Lead scientist
Bernard Gesch, a physiology researcher at Oxford University, wasn't
surprised by the findings, published in the British Journal of Psychiatry. A
former probation officer, Gesch once gave supplements to young delinquents
under his watch and noticed an improvement in their behavior. That
experience helped shape his later research. "Nutrition as a causal factor in
antisocial behavior is so simple it's been overlooked," he says. "We think
of behavior completely as a matter of free will."""
Just to back up this point for what a personal anecdote is worth, my wife
has suffered from terrible and frequent migraines for twenty or more years;
this has cost us many many thousands of dollars for pills and been a big
worry with increasing dosages (which doctors suggest is needed as they said
approaching menopause leads to more and worse migraines). She has seen
multiple doctors for this (with little good advice, beyond prescriptions).
She finally cut all corn syrup out of her diet -- which was difficult since
it is often in stuff like bread and ketchup. She had also dropped over the
years other things, like raisins, shrimp, and so on which have sulfites
(corn syrup can have sulfites added too as a preservative). Guess what --
migraine free for many weeks (except when she had two following chicken
nuggets and a soda from Wendy's). The longest time free of headaches in her
life. This is like a miracle in her life! My wife had also know about the
corn syrup and sulfite connection for years but discounted it (she was
avoiding diet soda because of the negative effect of those diet additives).
And now that she is headache free as a baseline, it will be easier to see
what does and does not cause headaches. Now, I'm not saying sulfites are an
issue with your kid (although you might look at food allergies in general).
Nor am I saying they cause any migraines for someone else. I'm just using
this as an example of how a seemingly intractable problem which was
continually getting worse suddenly went away with a change of diet. By the
way, Al Gore (remember him?) tried to ban added sulfites in the USA in 1985
but was prevented by industry lobbies. What a difference that ban might have
made in our lives. Added sulfites are banned in some parts of Europe. Still,
they may be fine for most people. And even in my wife's case, it may be some
other issue related to high fructose corn syrup instead of sulfites (corn
syrup may interfere with the body's sugar regulation and damage the pancreas
in ways different from plain table sugar),
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_fructose_corn_syrup
and there may be other triggers as well (some of which we have been working
to reduce for years). There are also things which are triggers for other
people (like MSG, chocolate, perhaps caffeine) which don't seem to be much
of a problem for her. But in any case, things have improved miraculously
with a change in diet -- including my wife's (and the rest of the family's)
general level of happiness and also her ability to deal with stress (since
the social stress -> painful headache connection seems to have been broken).
She has also found she has less craving for carbohydrates without the corn
syrup in her diet, and less swings of blood sugar which result in mood
swings (since both adults and kids tend to get cranky when their blood sugar
drops).
The blog of someone with more serious food alleries to sulfites:
http://www.leapscout.com/
I'd suggest, encourage your child to try a simplified diet for a while (no
processed stuff like lunchmeats or regular hot dogs or high fructose corn
syrup). Just eat, for one possibility, rice, beans, water, selected fruit,
vegetables, etc. and see if it helps. Frozen vegetables may be easiest to
use -- our child will even eat frozen small vegetables (peas, carrot pieces)
while still frozen (in fact, insists on it). It may also take a weeks to see
a change while the rest of the additives get out of his system. At the very
worst, eating a good balanced diet for a few weeks is unlikely to hurt him.
If it does, consider if something specific in the simplified diet
(especially specific fruits) may also be a problem. Ideally, if your budget
can afford it, try organic foods as well (although they are often more
expensive). Timing may be another issue -- perhaps your kids simply gets
cranky in when his blood sugar drops and that coincides with the time of the
drama lessons? Eliminating high fructose corn syrup may help with any
fluctuating blood sugar levels as well. Ideally you could talk with a doctor
who knows a lot about food and healing (a good nutritionist?) first -- there
could always be other underlying medical issues as well.
Unfortunately, if your kid is already non-cooperative, changing diet may be
yet another struggle (e.g. no McDonald's for a kid who lives on it might be
a shocker, and may try even further your own ability to cope). And as one of
the links above suggested, there may be no guarantee of success -- diet and
food allergies can be very child specific. I'm sure many people here may
have advice on how to make a diet change in an unschooling sort of way
(other than by "do it my way"), including having your child participate in
the dietary change. But I'd once again emphasize the point that most of the
"battle of the bulge" (both for kids and adults) is best fought in the
supermarket, not on the home front. :-) I'm sure lots of people here would
have advice on avoiding a battle even at the supermarket.
If a diet change seems like a complete impossibility, at the very least keep
a diet diary yourself for your child (or better, help him do it for himself)
-- and see if there is any obvious connection between behavior and specific
diet. For example, it might help you track down if his behavior is more
problematic an hour or a day after your kid has soda pop at McDonalds.
Now you might hear a lot of people saying -- my kid eats whatever they want
and it includes McDonald's and lots of soda pop and they are perfectly fine
-- and that may well be true, for *their* kid. Mailing lists also tend to be
self-selecting, in that if a particular approach doesn't work, people just
drop off and you hear mainly the success stories. Most people can eat
sulfites too (like in red wine or raisins) without crushing headaches -- but
my wife can't. To think, she used to start every day for years with Raisin
Bran. :-( Again, once you have identified a food issue, then people here
will have lots of advice on dealing with it -- including the approach which
has been outlined here of making sure the kid knows about it and then
dealing with consequences of their choice to themselves and others.
Sometimes my wife might chose to have red wine even knowing it will give her
a migraine later. Although since a food choice may affect the entire family
(e.g. siblings fighting), the issue may be more complex than a kid just
harming themselves by bad choices, which gets back to an idea IO read
somewhere that families can be parent-centered (do as I say), kid-centered
(whatever you want, dear), or family-centered (which entails a much more
complex balancing act of various interests by both kids and adults).
Now your son may already be eating really well, and may in the end have no
food allergies -- if so, please forgive the suggestion. The issues you
struggle with may well be genetic or environmental (poor drama coaching) or
just plain old personality or in relation to the play or his brother, just a
phase or just in relation to a specific incident. But if you have already
tried everything else, and are at your wit's end, then diet may be worth
looking into as something that might help, even just a bit. There remains a
lot of truth to "you are what you eat", and sometimes the issue of free will
is in deciding what we want to be by deciding what we want to eat.
--Paul Fernhout
Heather
Thanks for the info! Funny thing, we were Feingolders for awhile. We are a
gluten free family. That's what seems to make him tick the most. I have to
laugh, because we NEVER eat lunch meats! GROSS! LOL We rarely if ever by
anything with preservatives, colors, and anything not organic. The last
corn syrup went out with the ketchup. We now buy natural ketchup. While it
has taxed our budget incredibly it has helped ALL OF US incredibly to feel
good.
Gluten free is rarely a struggle for us, until he gets in these moods. Then
he starts craving what he calls "regular pizza" and "regular cookies" but he
does truly understand why we eat the way we do. And sometimes tells others
about it.
Afew unschoolers don't understand why I have to regulate diet. but the day
my child almost jumped off a ride at the county fair while it was going full
speed, gave me enough of a scare to realize that something was wrong. After
trial and error we found how he lost all sense of personal safety.
Thanks for all the links. it will be a nice refresher! And it will help me
see if we are still on track.
THANKS!!!
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Paul D. Fernhout
Sent: Tuesday, December 04, 2007 8:59 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] My son is having a tough time (diet?)
swissarmy_wife wrote:
things with omega-3 fatty acids (fish, walnuts, Coreomega, other things), or
perhaps also a children's multivitamin if otherwise he is eating poorly?
Does he eat things with artificial colors or artificial sweeteners
(including tooth paste)? Stuff with various preservatives? Does he have
things with corn syrup in them (perhaps a sulfite allergy which is in corn
syrup, molasses, grape juice, lemon juice, etc)? Too much other junk food
with who knows what is in it? And so on. We've found the issue with junk
food is best handled in the supermarket -- not in the home once it is there.
Diet can have a huge impact on behavior. Of course, so can genetics and
environment. But diet is often easier to change.
Here is a sample link:
http://www.cspinet. <http://www.cspinet.org/nah/3_00/diet_behavior.html>
org/nah/3_00/diet_behavior.html
"The idea that food can affect children's behavior gained popularity in the
early 1970s, when California allergist Benjamin Feingold claimed that the
behavior of many of his young patients improved when he placed them on
special diets to treat their food allergies. Feingold blamed food
additives-especially food dyes-as well as salicylates, which are chemicals
that occur naturally in most fruits. ... "Some of these studies
demonstrated significant improvement in the behavior of children when their
diets were changed, or deterioration in their behavior when they were given
food dyes or other offending foods," says Eugene Arnold, professor emeritus
of psychiatry at Ohio State University. But in other studies, the
improvements were small, and in a few there were none. ... In some of the
nine studies on children with typical ADHD, the behavior of kids who were
put on an additive-free diet returned to normal (as rated by their parents
or teachers). But don't expect miracles. "Parents who are looking for a
magic bullet may be frustrated," says researcher Bonnie Kaplan of the
University of Calgary, who conducted one of the best studies.3 Changes in
diet don't produce as dramatic or consistent results as ADHD drugs. "Diet
really does make a difference for a relatively small number of kids,"
concludes Susan Roberts of Tufts University, author of Feeding Your Child
for Lifelong Health (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1999). "But until more long-term
studies are done, we can't prescribe one diet that will help all of them.""
Another example:
http://psychologyto
<http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030514-000001.html>
day.com/articles/pto-20030514-000001.html
"Does a poor diet lead to crime? Some British researchers think so. They
studied the behavior of 231 inmates at a maximum-security prison in the U.K.
Half of the group received daily capsules containing vitamins, minerals and
essential fatty acids, while the other half took dummy pills. Antisocial
behavior among inmates was recorded before and during the trial. The
supplement group broke prison rules 25 percent less than those on the
placebo. The greatest reduction was for serious offenses--instances of
fighting, assaulting guards or taking hostages dropped 37 percent. There
was, however, no significant change in the control group. Lead scientist
Bernard Gesch, a physiology researcher at Oxford University, wasn't
surprised by the findings, published in the British Journal of Psychiatry. A
former probation officer, Gesch once gave supplements to young delinquents
under his watch and noticed an improvement in their behavior. That
experience helped shape his later research. "Nutrition as a causal factor in
antisocial behavior is so simple it's been overlooked," he says. "We think
of behavior completely as a matter of free will."""
Just to back up this point for what a personal anecdote is worth, my wife
has suffered from terrible and frequent migraines for twenty or more years;
this has cost us many many thousands of dollars for pills and been a big
worry with increasing dosages (which doctors suggest is needed as they said
approaching menopause leads to more and worse migraines). She has seen
multiple doctors for this (with little good advice, beyond prescriptions).
She finally cut all corn syrup out of her diet -- which was difficult since
it is often in stuff like bread and ketchup. She had also dropped over the
years other things, like raisins, shrimp, and so on which have sulfites
(corn syrup can have sulfites added too as a preservative). Guess what --
migraine free for many weeks (except when she had two following chicken
nuggets and a soda from Wendy's). The longest time free of headaches in her
life. This is like a miracle in her life! My wife had also know about the
corn syrup and sulfite connection for years but discounted it (she was
avoiding diet soda because of the negative effect of those diet additives).
And now that she is headache free as a baseline, it will be easier to see
what does and does not cause headaches. Now, I'm not saying sulfites are an
issue with your kid (although you might look at food allergies in general).
Nor am I saying they cause any migraines for someone else. I'm just using
this as an example of how a seemingly intractable problem which was
continually getting worse suddenly went away with a change of diet. By the
way, Al Gore (remember him?) tried to ban added sulfites in the USA in 1985
but was prevented by industry lobbies. What a difference that ban might have
made in our lives. Added sulfites are banned in some parts of Europe. Still,
they may be fine for most people. And even in my wife's case, it may be some
other issue related to high fructose corn syrup instead of sulfites (corn
syrup may interfere with the body's sugar regulation and damage the pancreas
in ways different from plain table sugar),
http://en.wikipedia <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_fructose_corn_syrup>
.org/wiki/High_fructose_corn_syrup
and there may be other triggers as well (some of which we have been working
to reduce for years). There are also things which are triggers for other
people (like MSG, chocolate, perhaps caffeine) which don't seem to be much
of a problem for her. But in any case, things have improved miraculously
with a change in diet -- including my wife's (and the rest of the family's)
general level of happiness and also her ability to deal with stress (since
the social stress -> painful headache connection seems to have been broken).
She has also found she has less craving for carbohydrates without the corn
syrup in her diet, and less swings of blood sugar which result in mood
swings (since both adults and kids tend to get cranky when their blood sugar
drops).
The blog of someone with more serious food alleries to sulfites:
http://www.leapscou <http://www.leapscout.com/> t.com/
I'd suggest, encourage your child to try a simplified diet for a while (no
processed stuff like lunchmeats or regular hot dogs or high fructose corn
syrup). Just eat, for one possibility, rice, beans, water, selected fruit,
vegetables, etc. and see if it helps. Frozen vegetables may be easiest to
use -- our child will even eat frozen small vegetables (peas, carrot pieces)
while still frozen (in fact, insists on it). It may also take a weeks to see
a change while the rest of the additives get out of his system. At the very
worst, eating a good balanced diet for a few weeks is unlikely to hurt him.
If it does, consider if something specific in the simplified diet
(especially specific fruits) may also be a problem. Ideally, if your budget
can afford it, try organic foods as well (although they are often more
expensive). Timing may be another issue -- perhaps your kids simply gets
cranky in when his blood sugar drops and that coincides with the time of the
drama lessons? Eliminating high fructose corn syrup may help with any
fluctuating blood sugar levels as well. Ideally you could talk with a doctor
who knows a lot about food and healing (a good nutritionist?) first -- there
could always be other underlying medical issues as well.
Unfortunately, if your kid is already non-cooperative, changing diet may be
yet another struggle (e.g. no McDonald's for a kid who lives on it might be
a shocker, and may try even further your own ability to cope). And as one of
the links above suggested, there may be no guarantee of success -- diet and
food allergies can be very child specific. I'm sure many people here may
have advice on how to make a diet change in an unschooling sort of way
(other than by "do it my way"), including having your child participate in
the dietary change. But I'd once again emphasize the point that most of the
"battle of the bulge" (both for kids and adults) is best fought in the
supermarket, not on the home front. :-) I'm sure lots of people here would
have advice on avoiding a battle even at the supermarket.
If a diet change seems like a complete impossibility, at the very least keep
a diet diary yourself for your child (or better, help him do it for himself)
-- and see if there is any obvious connection between behavior and specific
diet. For example, it might help you track down if his behavior is more
problematic an hour or a day after your kid has soda pop at McDonalds.
Now you might hear a lot of people saying -- my kid eats whatever they want
and it includes McDonald's and lots of soda pop and they are perfectly fine
-- and that may well be true, for *their* kid. Mailing lists also tend to be
self-selecting, in that if a particular approach doesn't work, people just
drop off and you hear mainly the success stories. Most people can eat
sulfites too (like in red wine or raisins) without crushing headaches -- but
my wife can't. To think, she used to start every day for years with Raisin
Bran. :-( Again, once you have identified a food issue, then people here
will have lots of advice on dealing with it -- including the approach which
has been outlined here of making sure the kid knows about it and then
dealing with consequences of their choice to themselves and others.
Sometimes my wife might chose to have red wine even knowing it will give her
a migraine later. Although since a food choice may affect the entire family
(e.g. siblings fighting), the issue may be more complex than a kid just
harming themselves by bad choices, which gets back to an idea IO read
somewhere that families can be parent-centered (do as I say), kid-centered
(whatever you want, dear), or family-centered (which entails a much more
complex balancing act of various interests by both kids and adults).
Now your son may already be eating really well, and may in the end have no
food allergies -- if so, please forgive the suggestion. The issues you
struggle with may well be genetic or environmental (poor drama coaching) or
just plain old personality or in relation to the play or his brother, just a
phase or just in relation to a specific incident. But if you have already
tried everything else, and are at your wit's end, then diet may be worth
looking into as something that might help, even just a bit. There remains a
lot of truth to "you are what you eat", and sometimes the issue of free will
is in deciding what we want to be by deciding what we want to eat.
--Paul Fernhout
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
gluten free family. That's what seems to make him tick the most. I have to
laugh, because we NEVER eat lunch meats! GROSS! LOL We rarely if ever by
anything with preservatives, colors, and anything not organic. The last
corn syrup went out with the ketchup. We now buy natural ketchup. While it
has taxed our budget incredibly it has helped ALL OF US incredibly to feel
good.
Gluten free is rarely a struggle for us, until he gets in these moods. Then
he starts craving what he calls "regular pizza" and "regular cookies" but he
does truly understand why we eat the way we do. And sometimes tells others
about it.
Afew unschoolers don't understand why I have to regulate diet. but the day
my child almost jumped off a ride at the county fair while it was going full
speed, gave me enough of a scare to realize that something was wrong. After
trial and error we found how he lost all sense of personal safety.
Thanks for all the links. it will be a nice refresher! And it will help me
see if we are still on track.
THANKS!!!
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Paul D. Fernhout
Sent: Tuesday, December 04, 2007 8:59 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] My son is having a tough time (diet?)
swissarmy_wife wrote:
> I have a 9 year old son that is having a really hard time right now.Have you looked at diet? Does he eat a balanced diet including leafy greens,
> It seems that ever since he was born life has been a struggle for him.
> He hasn't developed coping mechanisms like other children and has
> displayed numerous signs of sensory integration problems. ...
> I'm looking for insight into how to help him get along. The last few
> weeks (probably more), have been hell for him. ...
things with omega-3 fatty acids (fish, walnuts, Coreomega, other things), or
perhaps also a children's multivitamin if otherwise he is eating poorly?
Does he eat things with artificial colors or artificial sweeteners
(including tooth paste)? Stuff with various preservatives? Does he have
things with corn syrup in them (perhaps a sulfite allergy which is in corn
syrup, molasses, grape juice, lemon juice, etc)? Too much other junk food
with who knows what is in it? And so on. We've found the issue with junk
food is best handled in the supermarket -- not in the home once it is there.
Diet can have a huge impact on behavior. Of course, so can genetics and
environment. But diet is often easier to change.
Here is a sample link:
http://www.cspinet. <http://www.cspinet.org/nah/3_00/diet_behavior.html>
org/nah/3_00/diet_behavior.html
"The idea that food can affect children's behavior gained popularity in the
early 1970s, when California allergist Benjamin Feingold claimed that the
behavior of many of his young patients improved when he placed them on
special diets to treat their food allergies. Feingold blamed food
additives-especially food dyes-as well as salicylates, which are chemicals
that occur naturally in most fruits. ... "Some of these studies
demonstrated significant improvement in the behavior of children when their
diets were changed, or deterioration in their behavior when they were given
food dyes or other offending foods," says Eugene Arnold, professor emeritus
of psychiatry at Ohio State University. But in other studies, the
improvements were small, and in a few there were none. ... In some of the
nine studies on children with typical ADHD, the behavior of kids who were
put on an additive-free diet returned to normal (as rated by their parents
or teachers). But don't expect miracles. "Parents who are looking for a
magic bullet may be frustrated," says researcher Bonnie Kaplan of the
University of Calgary, who conducted one of the best studies.3 Changes in
diet don't produce as dramatic or consistent results as ADHD drugs. "Diet
really does make a difference for a relatively small number of kids,"
concludes Susan Roberts of Tufts University, author of Feeding Your Child
for Lifelong Health (Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1999). "But until more long-term
studies are done, we can't prescribe one diet that will help all of them.""
Another example:
http://psychologyto
<http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030514-000001.html>
day.com/articles/pto-20030514-000001.html
"Does a poor diet lead to crime? Some British researchers think so. They
studied the behavior of 231 inmates at a maximum-security prison in the U.K.
Half of the group received daily capsules containing vitamins, minerals and
essential fatty acids, while the other half took dummy pills. Antisocial
behavior among inmates was recorded before and during the trial. The
supplement group broke prison rules 25 percent less than those on the
placebo. The greatest reduction was for serious offenses--instances of
fighting, assaulting guards or taking hostages dropped 37 percent. There
was, however, no significant change in the control group. Lead scientist
Bernard Gesch, a physiology researcher at Oxford University, wasn't
surprised by the findings, published in the British Journal of Psychiatry. A
former probation officer, Gesch once gave supplements to young delinquents
under his watch and noticed an improvement in their behavior. That
experience helped shape his later research. "Nutrition as a causal factor in
antisocial behavior is so simple it's been overlooked," he says. "We think
of behavior completely as a matter of free will."""
Just to back up this point for what a personal anecdote is worth, my wife
has suffered from terrible and frequent migraines for twenty or more years;
this has cost us many many thousands of dollars for pills and been a big
worry with increasing dosages (which doctors suggest is needed as they said
approaching menopause leads to more and worse migraines). She has seen
multiple doctors for this (with little good advice, beyond prescriptions).
She finally cut all corn syrup out of her diet -- which was difficult since
it is often in stuff like bread and ketchup. She had also dropped over the
years other things, like raisins, shrimp, and so on which have sulfites
(corn syrup can have sulfites added too as a preservative). Guess what --
migraine free for many weeks (except when she had two following chicken
nuggets and a soda from Wendy's). The longest time free of headaches in her
life. This is like a miracle in her life! My wife had also know about the
corn syrup and sulfite connection for years but discounted it (she was
avoiding diet soda because of the negative effect of those diet additives).
And now that she is headache free as a baseline, it will be easier to see
what does and does not cause headaches. Now, I'm not saying sulfites are an
issue with your kid (although you might look at food allergies in general).
Nor am I saying they cause any migraines for someone else. I'm just using
this as an example of how a seemingly intractable problem which was
continually getting worse suddenly went away with a change of diet. By the
way, Al Gore (remember him?) tried to ban added sulfites in the USA in 1985
but was prevented by industry lobbies. What a difference that ban might have
made in our lives. Added sulfites are banned in some parts of Europe. Still,
they may be fine for most people. And even in my wife's case, it may be some
other issue related to high fructose corn syrup instead of sulfites (corn
syrup may interfere with the body's sugar regulation and damage the pancreas
in ways different from plain table sugar),
http://en.wikipedia <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High_fructose_corn_syrup>
.org/wiki/High_fructose_corn_syrup
and there may be other triggers as well (some of which we have been working
to reduce for years). There are also things which are triggers for other
people (like MSG, chocolate, perhaps caffeine) which don't seem to be much
of a problem for her. But in any case, things have improved miraculously
with a change in diet -- including my wife's (and the rest of the family's)
general level of happiness and also her ability to deal with stress (since
the social stress -> painful headache connection seems to have been broken).
She has also found she has less craving for carbohydrates without the corn
syrup in her diet, and less swings of blood sugar which result in mood
swings (since both adults and kids tend to get cranky when their blood sugar
drops).
The blog of someone with more serious food alleries to sulfites:
http://www.leapscou <http://www.leapscout.com/> t.com/
I'd suggest, encourage your child to try a simplified diet for a while (no
processed stuff like lunchmeats or regular hot dogs or high fructose corn
syrup). Just eat, for one possibility, rice, beans, water, selected fruit,
vegetables, etc. and see if it helps. Frozen vegetables may be easiest to
use -- our child will even eat frozen small vegetables (peas, carrot pieces)
while still frozen (in fact, insists on it). It may also take a weeks to see
a change while the rest of the additives get out of his system. At the very
worst, eating a good balanced diet for a few weeks is unlikely to hurt him.
If it does, consider if something specific in the simplified diet
(especially specific fruits) may also be a problem. Ideally, if your budget
can afford it, try organic foods as well (although they are often more
expensive). Timing may be another issue -- perhaps your kids simply gets
cranky in when his blood sugar drops and that coincides with the time of the
drama lessons? Eliminating high fructose corn syrup may help with any
fluctuating blood sugar levels as well. Ideally you could talk with a doctor
who knows a lot about food and healing (a good nutritionist?) first -- there
could always be other underlying medical issues as well.
Unfortunately, if your kid is already non-cooperative, changing diet may be
yet another struggle (e.g. no McDonald's for a kid who lives on it might be
a shocker, and may try even further your own ability to cope). And as one of
the links above suggested, there may be no guarantee of success -- diet and
food allergies can be very child specific. I'm sure many people here may
have advice on how to make a diet change in an unschooling sort of way
(other than by "do it my way"), including having your child participate in
the dietary change. But I'd once again emphasize the point that most of the
"battle of the bulge" (both for kids and adults) is best fought in the
supermarket, not on the home front. :-) I'm sure lots of people here would
have advice on avoiding a battle even at the supermarket.
If a diet change seems like a complete impossibility, at the very least keep
a diet diary yourself for your child (or better, help him do it for himself)
-- and see if there is any obvious connection between behavior and specific
diet. For example, it might help you track down if his behavior is more
problematic an hour or a day after your kid has soda pop at McDonalds.
Now you might hear a lot of people saying -- my kid eats whatever they want
and it includes McDonald's and lots of soda pop and they are perfectly fine
-- and that may well be true, for *their* kid. Mailing lists also tend to be
self-selecting, in that if a particular approach doesn't work, people just
drop off and you hear mainly the success stories. Most people can eat
sulfites too (like in red wine or raisins) without crushing headaches -- but
my wife can't. To think, she used to start every day for years with Raisin
Bran. :-( Again, once you have identified a food issue, then people here
will have lots of advice on dealing with it -- including the approach which
has been outlined here of making sure the kid knows about it and then
dealing with consequences of their choice to themselves and others.
Sometimes my wife might chose to have red wine even knowing it will give her
a migraine later. Although since a food choice may affect the entire family
(e.g. siblings fighting), the issue may be more complex than a kid just
harming themselves by bad choices, which gets back to an idea IO read
somewhere that families can be parent-centered (do as I say), kid-centered
(whatever you want, dear), or family-centered (which entails a much more
complex balancing act of various interests by both kids and adults).
Now your son may already be eating really well, and may in the end have no
food allergies -- if so, please forgive the suggestion. The issues you
struggle with may well be genetic or environmental (poor drama coaching) or
just plain old personality or in relation to the play or his brother, just a
phase or just in relation to a specific incident. But if you have already
tried everything else, and are at your wit's end, then diet may be worth
looking into as something that might help, even just a bit. There remains a
lot of truth to "you are what you eat", and sometimes the issue of free will
is in deciding what we want to be by deciding what we want to eat.
--Paul Fernhout
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
trektheory
I'm going to second that suggestion, and add that I've heard that "The
Out of Sync Child Has Fun" is good for ideas of what to do to help
that sensory integration.
Linda
--- In [email protected], "swissarmy_wife"
<heatherbean@...> wrote:
Out of Sync Child Has Fun" is good for ideas of what to do to help
that sensory integration.
Linda
--- In [email protected], "swissarmy_wife"
<heatherbean@...> wrote:
>
>
> Someone told me to read the out of sync child for some answers. Is
> their anyone in a similar situation? I'm looking for any and all
> experience. If this post seems emotional its because it is. I'm sort
> of in the thick of it right now.
>
[email protected]
Hi,
It sounds like you have found some things to try. I also have a son, who can easily be described as more. What I have come to realize is me being connected to him is his greatest source of control. He and I work together in partnership. Also, my guy goes through cycles and about every 6 months he completely disintegrates for awhile and then it seems he copes again. During these super rough times, I simply life, cut out social situations that are putting him over, and reconnect as best as I can. If my guy were in a play, I would be right there the entire rehersal, so he can check in and be near me, bounce holding my hands, dance with me in open space as needed. Is it possible for you to be available to him. My guy travels with his swim team and I go, no matter what. He lost it once in a very crowded airport far from home, was teased, was hot, was uncomfortable, was tired, was asked to wait. I just cringe thinking how he would have been if I wasn't available to help him move away, fi
nd fresh air and a more quiet place. My son and I have singnals, a guick lets go, means, no matter what, he needs space from the crowd or else. We check in, he vents, we move forward. Water, fresh air and space are his greatest comforts.
I have 3 children, my son is my middle child. It does take more energy to be his center, but the alternative is everyone near suffers when he suffers. It's second nature now, to be his partner and I see he is able to cope better each year. He'll be 11 next month.
I also like the books The Highly Sensitive Child, The Explosive Child ( great for exploring triggers), Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.
Give him hugs alot.
Mary
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It sounds like you have found some things to try. I also have a son, who can easily be described as more. What I have come to realize is me being connected to him is his greatest source of control. He and I work together in partnership. Also, my guy goes through cycles and about every 6 months he completely disintegrates for awhile and then it seems he copes again. During these super rough times, I simply life, cut out social situations that are putting him over, and reconnect as best as I can. If my guy were in a play, I would be right there the entire rehersal, so he can check in and be near me, bounce holding my hands, dance with me in open space as needed. Is it possible for you to be available to him. My guy travels with his swim team and I go, no matter what. He lost it once in a very crowded airport far from home, was teased, was hot, was uncomfortable, was tired, was asked to wait. I just cringe thinking how he would have been if I wasn't available to help him move away, fi
nd fresh air and a more quiet place. My son and I have singnals, a guick lets go, means, no matter what, he needs space from the crowd or else. We check in, he vents, we move forward. Water, fresh air and space are his greatest comforts.
I have 3 children, my son is my middle child. It does take more energy to be his center, but the alternative is everyone near suffers when he suffers. It's second nature now, to be his partner and I see he is able to cope better each year. He'll be 11 next month.
I also like the books The Highly Sensitive Child, The Explosive Child ( great for exploring triggers), Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.
Give him hugs alot.
Mary
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather
I LOVE the idea of a signal for when we are together. Thank you!
He DOES NOT want me to go with him. He is very independent and would like
to be successful on his own. His theater teacher has mentioned to me know
that her 2 children are very much like him! That gave me a lot of comfort.
She is very understanding and wants to see him succeed as much as I do!
We are going to brainstorm some ideas on something to fiddle with while he
waits and ways to center himself without me there. Any thoughts? Gameboys
are out unless we can think of nothing else. The Gameboys have apparently
caused problems in the past with all the kids sort of arguing over turns.
Also, the 6 months on and 6 months off thing- I have heard this from other
people and it rings somewhat true here. So weird! I've read the Explosive
Child. GREAT read! Looks like I'll be reading a lot more in 2008. :-)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
He DOES NOT want me to go with him. He is very independent and would like
to be successful on his own. His theater teacher has mentioned to me know
that her 2 children are very much like him! That gave me a lot of comfort.
She is very understanding and wants to see him succeed as much as I do!
We are going to brainstorm some ideas on something to fiddle with while he
waits and ways to center himself without me there. Any thoughts? Gameboys
are out unless we can think of nothing else. The Gameboys have apparently
caused problems in the past with all the kids sort of arguing over turns.
Also, the 6 months on and 6 months off thing- I have heard this from other
people and it rings somewhat true here. So weird! I've read the Explosive
Child. GREAT read! Looks like I'll be reading a lot more in 2008. :-)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Paul D. Fernhout
Paul D. Fernhout wrote:
"Sensory Integration Dysfunction" and diet:
http://www.sensorynation.com/interventions.html
See the section on that web page labeled "Nutritional Therapy". Several
different nutritional approaches listed there, including:
* Essential Fatty Acid Supplementation,
* Enzyme Supplementation,
* Feingold Diet, and
* Gluten-free/Casein-free Diet.
An excerpt from the page:
"""
Essential Fatty Acid Supplementation: The Durham Research Initiative in
cooperation with the Food and Behavior Research Institute in the United
Kingdom asserts that an "increasing body of research is showing that quality
long chain fatty acids could have real benefits for a range of learning and
behavioural conditions. About 20% of the dry weight of the brain and some
30% of the retina are made from these elements." Learn more...
Enzyme Supplementation: Many SIDKids exhibit digestive difficulties, which
may be aided by the use of enzyme therapy. Enzymes help break down food
proteins, carbohydrates, and lipids and can increase the breakdown of all
food proteins, carbohydrates, starches, and fats. Enzyme advocates postulate
that the supplementation of enzymes can eliminate the need to avoid
casein/gluten-based foods altogether. In fact. there are now enzymes
specifically designed to aid in the digestion of gluten and casein from
companies such as Kirkman Labs. Learn more...
Feingold Diet: According to the Feingold Association of the United States,
"The Feingold Program itself is a test to determine if certain foods or food
additives are triggering particular symptoms. It is basically the way people
used to eat before "hyperactivity" became a household word, and before
asthma and chronic ear infections became so very common. Used originally as
a diet for allergies, improvement in behavior and attention was first
noticed as a "side effect." Learn more...
Gluten-free/Casein-free Diet: This approach involves the total elimination
of all foods containing gluten and casein. While designed for the autistic
child, many families have found great improvements for their non-autistic
SIDKids. And fortunately, many gluten-free and casein-free foods are now
commercially available. Learn more...
"""
There are other non-nutritional interventions listed there as well.
Not saying any of these will help for sure in your particular situation;
just another possibility to explore.
--Paul Fernhout
> swissarmy_wife wrote:P.S. here is a more direct link specifically including information on
> > He hasn't developed coping mechanisms like other children and has
> > displayed numerous signs of sensory integration problems. ...
> Have you looked at diet?
"Sensory Integration Dysfunction" and diet:
http://www.sensorynation.com/interventions.html
See the section on that web page labeled "Nutritional Therapy". Several
different nutritional approaches listed there, including:
* Essential Fatty Acid Supplementation,
* Enzyme Supplementation,
* Feingold Diet, and
* Gluten-free/Casein-free Diet.
An excerpt from the page:
"""
Essential Fatty Acid Supplementation: The Durham Research Initiative in
cooperation with the Food and Behavior Research Institute in the United
Kingdom asserts that an "increasing body of research is showing that quality
long chain fatty acids could have real benefits for a range of learning and
behavioural conditions. About 20% of the dry weight of the brain and some
30% of the retina are made from these elements." Learn more...
Enzyme Supplementation: Many SIDKids exhibit digestive difficulties, which
may be aided by the use of enzyme therapy. Enzymes help break down food
proteins, carbohydrates, and lipids and can increase the breakdown of all
food proteins, carbohydrates, starches, and fats. Enzyme advocates postulate
that the supplementation of enzymes can eliminate the need to avoid
casein/gluten-based foods altogether. In fact. there are now enzymes
specifically designed to aid in the digestion of gluten and casein from
companies such as Kirkman Labs. Learn more...
Feingold Diet: According to the Feingold Association of the United States,
"The Feingold Program itself is a test to determine if certain foods or food
additives are triggering particular symptoms. It is basically the way people
used to eat before "hyperactivity" became a household word, and before
asthma and chronic ear infections became so very common. Used originally as
a diet for allergies, improvement in behavior and attention was first
noticed as a "side effect." Learn more...
Gluten-free/Casein-free Diet: This approach involves the total elimination
of all foods containing gluten and casein. While designed for the autistic
child, many families have found great improvements for their non-autistic
SIDKids. And fortunately, many gluten-free and casein-free foods are now
commercially available. Learn more...
"""
There are other non-nutritional interventions listed there as well.
Not saying any of these will help for sure in your particular situation;
just another possibility to explore.
--Paul Fernhout
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/4/2007 10:35:26 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
pdfernhout@... writes:
"Sensory Integration Dysfunction" and diet
I wonder, just how much the food preferences, the sensitivities and the
extra dicernment of foods is a biological part of all of this?
I saved that link for myself - thanks!
Karen (in CA)
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
pdfernhout@... writes:
"Sensory Integration Dysfunction" and diet
I wonder, just how much the food preferences, the sensitivities and the
extra dicernment of foods is a biological part of all of this?
I saved that link for myself - thanks!
Karen (in CA)
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 12/4/2007 10:35:40 A.M. Pacific Standard Time,
heatherbean@... writes:
While it
has taxed our budget incredibly it has helped ALL OF US incredibly to feel
good.
Hey, do you have a Trader Joe's near you? Prices are good and they have a
LOT of organic and G-free items there.
Karen
_www.traderjoes.com_ (http://www.traderjoes.com)
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
heatherbean@... writes:
While it
has taxed our budget incredibly it has helped ALL OF US incredibly to feel
good.
Hey, do you have a Trader Joe's near you? Prices are good and they have a
LOT of organic and G-free items there.
Karen
_www.traderjoes.com_ (http://www.traderjoes.com)
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jane doe
--- Heather <heatherbean@...> wrote:
son to tat so he would have something to do with his
hands but I've never found someone to teach him. He
does now carry a small container that holds the rings
and the little pliers he uses to make chain maille. It
fits in his pocket and just pulls it out and works
wherever he is. I still love the tatting idea
though... How about knot tying? We've done that too,
nothing wrong with a piece of string in his pocket.
ELISA
We have a collective responsibility to the least of us-Phil Ramone
We can do no great things; only small things with great love- Mother Teresa
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
> We are going to brainstorm some ideas on somethingI kept saying I was going to find someone to teach my
> to fiddle with while he
> waits and ways to center himself without me there.
> Any thoughts?
son to tat so he would have something to do with his
hands but I've never found someone to teach him. He
does now carry a small container that holds the rings
and the little pliers he uses to make chain maille. It
fits in his pocket and just pulls it out and works
wherever he is. I still love the tatting idea
though... How about knot tying? We've done that too,
nothing wrong with a piece of string in his pocket.
ELISA
We have a collective responsibility to the least of us-Phil Ramone
We can do no great things; only small things with great love- Mother Teresa
____________________________________________________________________________________
Be a better friend, newshound, and
know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ
[email protected]
** How about knot tying? We've done that too, nothing wrong with a piece of
string in his pocket.**
String figures! If you don't know someone hwo can teach him there are some
great books out there. It's portable, engaging, and tends to draw in others to
talk to boot. Patrick carried a string loop everywhere for a year or two.
Deborah in IL
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string in his pocket.**
String figures! If you don't know someone hwo can teach him there are some
great books out there. It's portable, engaging, and tends to draw in others to
talk to boot. Patrick carried a string loop everywhere for a year or two.
Deborah in IL
**************************************
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2007's hottest products.
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[email protected]
Yo-yoing? Might be a bit dangerous if others are too near though...
Karen
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Karen
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