Re: [unschoolingbasics] Principles
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/22/2007 8:32:15 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
How do you implement those principles?
I still struggle with my boys punching each other :( I say, "don't hit,
use your words!" and they still whack each other.<<<<<<<<<
Personally I believe that I can't decide what principles another person is
going to live by. I have to decide for myself what is important and live by
that. Be the best example I can be, and just be there for my boys to ask
questions of, ponder things over with etc. But I can't make someone else live by
the principles I believe are important to me.
As far as the hitting, we had some of that with my youngest, when he was
younger. LOL. Does that make sense. And I never told him he couldn't hit. I
didn't tell him that "we don't hit" "hitting isn't nice" or any of those
things. And I think that stepping in and saying "use your words" is a very good
place to start. But I wouldn't leave it at that. Hitting was a tool my son
was using to get his needs met. I was there with the boys to try to step in
when things were escalating, helping both of them to verbalize how they are
feeling, validating those feelings, helping them to verbalize what it is that
they need or want in the moment. When both boys were feeling heard and
understood they could then move toward problem solving to find a solution that was
agreeable to both of them. Helping them discover that there are "other" tool
s out there for problem solving is a great gift.
It was very key for me to be there, and to help. Now they are very good at
working this process for themselves. Although they know I am always there to
help, and now will come get me when they need a fresh set of "ears" and
ideas. And they both know that the solution that is right for the situation is
out there if they work hard enough to find it, so they are willing to work at
it. Over time the process takes less and less energy but in just starting
out it does take energy and time, but time well spent.
Just a couple thoughts,
Pam G
Our Blogs:
_http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/_ (http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/)
_http://ourgreenerpastures.blogspot.com/_
(http://ourgreenerpastures.blogspot.com/)
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
How do you implement those principles?
I still struggle with my boys punching each other :( I say, "don't hit,
use your words!" and they still whack each other.<<<<<<<<<
Personally I believe that I can't decide what principles another person is
going to live by. I have to decide for myself what is important and live by
that. Be the best example I can be, and just be there for my boys to ask
questions of, ponder things over with etc. But I can't make someone else live by
the principles I believe are important to me.
As far as the hitting, we had some of that with my youngest, when he was
younger. LOL. Does that make sense. And I never told him he couldn't hit. I
didn't tell him that "we don't hit" "hitting isn't nice" or any of those
things. And I think that stepping in and saying "use your words" is a very good
place to start. But I wouldn't leave it at that. Hitting was a tool my son
was using to get his needs met. I was there with the boys to try to step in
when things were escalating, helping both of them to verbalize how they are
feeling, validating those feelings, helping them to verbalize what it is that
they need or want in the moment. When both boys were feeling heard and
understood they could then move toward problem solving to find a solution that was
agreeable to both of them. Helping them discover that there are "other" tool
s out there for problem solving is a great gift.
It was very key for me to be there, and to help. Now they are very good at
working this process for themselves. Although they know I am always there to
help, and now will come get me when they need a fresh set of "ears" and
ideas. And they both know that the solution that is right for the situation is
out there if they work hard enough to find it, so they are willing to work at
it. Over time the process takes less and less energy but in just starting
out it does take energy and time, but time well spent.
Just a couple thoughts,
Pam G
Our Blogs:
_http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/_ (http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/)
_http://ourgreenerpastures.blogspot.com/_
(http://ourgreenerpastures.blogspot.com/)
**************************************Check out AOL's list of 2007's hottest
products.
(http://money.aol.com/special/hot-products-2007?NCID=aoltop00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]