When other parents don't like your parenting
Zoa Conner
So what do you all do when people you see on a regular basis decide they
don't like your parenting style? I have recently heard that many of the
folks in my small homeschool group really have a problem with the fact that
I don't punish my kids when others think they do something wrong (usually
physical like hitting, pushing, or the like). My kids are 4 and 9. They have
decided that they don't want their family around my kids because they don't
want their kids seeing "no consequences" for my kids' actions.
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Montessori Homeschooling Mother
zoaconner@...
don't like your parenting style? I have recently heard that many of the
folks in my small homeschool group really have a problem with the fact that
I don't punish my kids when others think they do something wrong (usually
physical like hitting, pushing, or the like). My kids are 4 and 9. They have
decided that they don't want their family around my kids because they don't
want their kids seeing "no consequences" for my kids' actions.
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Montessori Homeschooling Mother
zoaconner@...
Wildflower Car
I'd find a better group, or offer a brief meeting with the parents to explain you ideas behind it.
Wildflower
To: [email protected]: zoaconner@...: Sun, 18 Nov 2007 20:45:45 -0500Subject: [unschoolingbasics] When other parents don't like your parenting
So what do you all do when people you see on a regular basis decide theydon't like your parenting style? I have recently heard that many of thefolks in my small homeschool group really have a problem with the fact thatI don't punish my kids when others think they do something wrong (usuallyphysical like hitting, pushing, or the like). My kids are 4 and 9. They havedecided that they don't want their family around my kids because they don'twant their kids seeing "no consequences" for my kids' actions.----------------Zoa Conner, PhDPhysicist and Montessori Homeschooling Motherzoaconner@...
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Wildflower
To: [email protected]: zoaconner@...: Sun, 18 Nov 2007 20:45:45 -0500Subject: [unschoolingbasics] When other parents don't like your parenting
So what do you all do when people you see on a regular basis decide theydon't like your parenting style? I have recently heard that many of thefolks in my small homeschool group really have a problem with the fact thatI don't punish my kids when others think they do something wrong (usuallyphysical like hitting, pushing, or the like). My kids are 4 and 9. They havedecided that they don't want their family around my kids because they don'twant their kids seeing "no consequences" for my kids' actions.----------------Zoa Conner, PhDPhysicist and Montessori Homeschooling Motherzoaconner@...
_________________________________________________________________
Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live.
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Zoa Conner
Wildflower,
Yeah, leaving does seem like a good thing to do. The only problem is that
this is the group I started. I have worked my ass off for 3 years building
the group. But I think I have lost it now anyway ... Have you ever had a
meeting like you suggest?
Zoa
Yeah, leaving does seem like a good thing to do. The only problem is that
this is the group I started. I have worked my ass off for 3 years building
the group. But I think I have lost it now anyway ... Have you ever had a
meeting like you suggest?
Zoa
On 11/18/07 9:27 PM, "Wildflower Car" <unschoolfool@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> I'd find a better group, or offer a brief meeting with the parents to explain
> you ideas behind it.
>
> Wildflower
>
> To: [email protected]
> <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.comFrom> : zoaconner@...
> <mailto:zoaconner%40comcast.netDate> : Sun, 18 Nov 2007 20:45:45 -0500Subject:
> [unschoolingbasics] When other parents don't like your parenting
>
> So what do you all do when people you see on a regular basis decide theydon't
> like your parenting style? I have recently heard that many of thefolks in my
> small homeschool group really have a problem with the fact thatI don't punish
> my kids when others think they do something wrong (usuallyphysical like
> hitting, pushing, or the like). My kids are 4 and 9. They havedecided that
> they don't want their family around my kids because they don'twant their kids
> seeing "no consequences" for my kids' actions.----------------Zoa Conner,
> PhDPhysicist and Montessori Homeschooling Motherzoaconner@...
> <mailto:Motherzoaconner%40comcast.net>
>
> __________________________________________________________
> Connect and share in new ways with Windows Live.
> http://www.windowslive.com/connect.html?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_Wave2_newways_112007
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Montessori Homeschooling Mother
zoaconner@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Don & Louisa
they sound like my mother,
I guess they've noticed how well punishment is working eh?
Louisa,
tongue firmly in cheek
ps the kids parented the way my mum wants me to parent mine are WAY
WORSE BEHAVED and it's horrifying watch the discipline interactions
I guess they've noticed how well punishment is working eh?
Louisa,
tongue firmly in cheek
ps the kids parented the way my mum wants me to parent mine are WAY
WORSE BEHAVED and it's horrifying watch the discipline interactions
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 18, 2007, at 9:38 PM, Zoa Conner wrote:
turn out well. If they (or even just a handful) come hostile it could
be an even bigger drain. It's *very* hard to convince people who are
determined not to understand.
Think about observing a parent who seems to you to be totally
clueless on how to raise a child. Then think of that parent inviting
you to hear why they parent as they do. Wouldn't you very likely see
it as an opportunity to set her straight?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Yeah, leaving does seem like a good thing to do. The only problemIf something is taking more than it's giving it's time to let it go.
> is that
> this is the group I started. I have worked my ass off for 3 years
> building
> the group. But I think I have lost it now anyway
> Have you ever had a*If* the people who come want to hear what you have to say, it could
> meeting like you suggest?
turn out well. If they (or even just a handful) come hostile it could
be an even bigger drain. It's *very* hard to convince people who are
determined not to understand.
Think about observing a parent who seems to you to be totally
clueless on how to raise a child. Then think of that parent inviting
you to hear why they parent as they do. Wouldn't you very likely see
it as an opportunity to set her straight?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/19/2007 9:19:44 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
They have
decided that they don't want their family around my kids because they don't
want their kids seeing "no consequences" for my kids' actions.<<<<<<<<<<
Find other friends. And chances are they will start finding ways to not be
around you so they may do that for you. KWIM. They don't be friends you see
regularly any more. Believe me, been there done that and it has led me to
some really great, really cool friends.
I personally believe they have a right to parent the way they feel is best
for their family, and so do I. I really like being around families that
parent similarly.
So consider it a great opportunity for growth. I would suggest looking for
those like minded families now so your children can start making more friends
before the current circle pulls away.
Pam G
Our Blogs:
_http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/_ (http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/)
_http://ourgreenerpastures.blogspot.com/_
(http://ourgreenerpastures.blogspot.com/)
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected] writes:
They have
decided that they don't want their family around my kids because they don't
want their kids seeing "no consequences" for my kids' actions.<<<<<<<<<<
Find other friends. And chances are they will start finding ways to not be
around you so they may do that for you. KWIM. They don't be friends you see
regularly any more. Believe me, been there done that and it has led me to
some really great, really cool friends.
I personally believe they have a right to parent the way they feel is best
for their family, and so do I. I really like being around families that
parent similarly.
So consider it a great opportunity for growth. I would suggest looking for
those like minded families now so your children can start making more friends
before the current circle pulls away.
Pam G
Our Blogs:
_http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/_ (http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/)
_http://ourgreenerpastures.blogspot.com/_
(http://ourgreenerpastures.blogspot.com/)
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
On Nov 19, 2007 6:49 AM, <Genant2@...> wrote:
were small, I thought sure this would be my tribe forever, afterall, these
were my LLL friends who introduced me to things like homeschooling and
Mothering magazine.
These fading friendships led to other, newer, better-for-who-I-am-now,
contacts, which led to more, which led to.... (you get the idea ;)
Not only because of whole-life unschooling, also because of major life
upheavals I had that they didn't want to face or deal with. It was painful,
sad. And in hindsight, I was surrounded by and supported by, and continue to
be, by the exact folks I need. And they are too.
How cool you started a group that now works better for them than you... Go
make another one, you're good at it :D Consider it a gift to them and to
their children.
I started a full moon circle of women. I thought it was what I needed. Turns
out it wasn't; it *was* what they needed. So it's theirs now and I'm so glad
to have been the catalyst.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> In a message dated 11/19/2007 9:19:44 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,I've had the same splintering of my core group of friends. When the kids
> [email protected] <unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>writes:
>
> They have
> decided that they don't want their family around my kids because they
> don't
> want their kids seeing "no consequences" for my kids' actions.<<<<<<<<<<
>
> Find other friends. And chances are they will start finding ways to not be
>
> around you so they may do that for you. KWIM. They don't be friends you
> see
> regularly any more. Believe me, been there done that and it has led me to
> some really great, really cool friends.
>
>
>
>
were small, I thought sure this would be my tribe forever, afterall, these
were my LLL friends who introduced me to things like homeschooling and
Mothering magazine.
These fading friendships led to other, newer, better-for-who-I-am-now,
contacts, which led to more, which led to.... (you get the idea ;)
Not only because of whole-life unschooling, also because of major life
upheavals I had that they didn't want to face or deal with. It was painful,
sad. And in hindsight, I was surrounded by and supported by, and continue to
be, by the exact folks I need. And they are too.
How cool you started a group that now works better for them than you... Go
make another one, you're good at it :D Consider it a gift to them and to
their children.
I started a full moon circle of women. I thought it was what I needed. Turns
out it wasn't; it *was* what they needed. So it's theirs now and I'm so glad
to have been the catalyst.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Buxcel
I knew you'd have excellent words of wisdom to share here, Diana!
I often feel like it's just such a struggle, living this Radical way. It
is the only way, though, for us to live. I know that in my heart of
hearts.
It doesn't make it sting any less when people *seem* to hate you or your
children. Just had an encounter today, where a mom (and a friend of mine)
said to me, VERY EMOTIONALLY, "I don't appreciate it when S says "i'm going
to kill you", it pisses me off". Youch.
Well, I sat with that for the afternoon. I could see she wouldn't want
someone saying that to her child. I sent her love and understanding. (and
also kept my mouth shut after she'd said that). I know my child isn't going
to go off and kill someone, and I'm sure she knows it too, she just jumped
right into an old familiar tape. But I also refuse to start blaming or
punishing. Just not gonna happen. I'd rather be there to help my kids, and
*everyone else's kids* navigate through their little moments. Sure does
help when others come at it the same way, but it doesn't always happen.
After we'd returned home, she called me. She apologized for reacting the
way she did. She admitted that there was obviously much more that went on,
but that she just reacted like the mama tiger when her little girl came
running to her crying.
All is as it should be...
Karen
--
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know
peace."
Jimi Hendrix
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I often feel like it's just such a struggle, living this Radical way. It
is the only way, though, for us to live. I know that in my heart of
hearts.
It doesn't make it sting any less when people *seem* to hate you or your
children. Just had an encounter today, where a mom (and a friend of mine)
said to me, VERY EMOTIONALLY, "I don't appreciate it when S says "i'm going
to kill you", it pisses me off". Youch.
Well, I sat with that for the afternoon. I could see she wouldn't want
someone saying that to her child. I sent her love and understanding. (and
also kept my mouth shut after she'd said that). I know my child isn't going
to go off and kill someone, and I'm sure she knows it too, she just jumped
right into an old familiar tape. But I also refuse to start blaming or
punishing. Just not gonna happen. I'd rather be there to help my kids, and
*everyone else's kids* navigate through their little moments. Sure does
help when others come at it the same way, but it doesn't always happen.
After we'd returned home, she called me. She apologized for reacting the
way she did. She admitted that there was obviously much more that went on,
but that she just reacted like the mama tiger when her little girl came
running to her crying.
All is as it should be...
Karen
--
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know
peace."
Jimi Hendrix
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]