I really need help with the former "D"H
[email protected]
All, I'm shaking mad. Please, can I have some advice? I can't think evenly
now. I need help. This is from my daughter's father - Grace is 15 now.
"I have been thinking about your home school and my concern is your ability
to educate Grace consistently and over a long period of time. So, I met with
a lawyer, talked to a judge, and completed the paperwork. Based on the
history she would be ordered back to CHS, but I'm not sure that is the solution.
You told me you would send proof of her work on a regular basis. I need
that proof and an expectation of how often. My hope is that you can make this
happen, if not I will have to file."
Thanks in advance. Going shopping now...be back later. I'm so upset...
Karen
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
now. I need help. This is from my daughter's father - Grace is 15 now.
"I have been thinking about your home school and my concern is your ability
to educate Grace consistently and over a long period of time. So, I met with
a lawyer, talked to a judge, and completed the paperwork. Based on the
history she would be ordered back to CHS, but I'm not sure that is the solution.
You told me you would send proof of her work on a regular basis. I need
that proof and an expectation of how often. My hope is that you can make this
happen, if not I will have to file."
Thanks in advance. Going shopping now...be back later. I'm so upset...
Karen
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
Have you been sending him anything? It seems simple - if you commit to
sending "proof of her work" once a month, he won't file anything. I'd
do what I could to send that proof!
I know someone has posted before how to write about unschooling so it
looks schooly. I don't have that info, but hopefully someone who does
will post it.
The book "Unschooling Handbook" by Mary Griffith (if I'm remembering
correctly) was broken down into subjects, chapter by chapter - you may
get a lot from that.
Don't forget to breathe... and it's OK to return anything you bought
to make yourself feel better, if it doesn't actually make you feel better!
peace,
Caren
sending "proof of her work" once a month, he won't file anything. I'd
do what I could to send that proof!
I know someone has posted before how to write about unschooling so it
looks schooly. I don't have that info, but hopefully someone who does
will post it.
The book "Unschooling Handbook" by Mary Griffith (if I'm remembering
correctly) was broken down into subjects, chapter by chapter - you may
get a lot from that.
Don't forget to breathe... and it's OK to return anything you bought
to make yourself feel better, if it doesn't actually make you feel better!
peace,
Caren
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/16/2007 1:57:07 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
carenkh@... writes:
Have you been sending him anything? It seems simple - if you commit to
sending "proof of her work" once a month, he won't file anything. I'd
do what I could to send that proof!
Not yet - we just got started a few weeks ago. I am an unschooler, HE wants
School At Home, with homework (?) grades, the whole spiel. Grace herself is
not ready for Unschooling, so we have been sampling things here and there to
see what interests her. At this point, she feels she has no interests and
still feels "book stupid." I am doing what I can to rid that of her by allowing
her to...actually, providing, her with, a smattering of things to try and
taste, so to speak. It's been 3 weeks of that.
I know someone has posted before how to write about unschooling so it
looks schooly. I don't have that info, but hopefully someone who does
will post it.
I'll see if I can find that in the archive area...thanks!
The book "Unschooling Handbook" by Mary Griffith (if I'm remembering
correctly) was broken down into subjects, chapter by chapter - you may
get a lot from that.
Sounds ideal.
Don't forget to breathe... and it's OK to return anything you bought
to make yourself feel better, if it doesn't actually make you feel better!
peace,
Caren
BIG BREATH. Thank you. I feel like I get lost in the shuffle on these yahoo
groups. I really needed to hear from someone on this - I feel so inexperienced
and unsteady - especially when it comes to him.. Thank you SO much!
Karen
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh@... writes:
Have you been sending him anything? It seems simple - if you commit to
sending "proof of her work" once a month, he won't file anything. I'd
do what I could to send that proof!
Not yet - we just got started a few weeks ago. I am an unschooler, HE wants
School At Home, with homework (?) grades, the whole spiel. Grace herself is
not ready for Unschooling, so we have been sampling things here and there to
see what interests her. At this point, she feels she has no interests and
still feels "book stupid." I am doing what I can to rid that of her by allowing
her to...actually, providing, her with, a smattering of things to try and
taste, so to speak. It's been 3 weeks of that.
I know someone has posted before how to write about unschooling so it
looks schooly. I don't have that info, but hopefully someone who does
will post it.
I'll see if I can find that in the archive area...thanks!
The book "Unschooling Handbook" by Mary Griffith (if I'm remembering
correctly) was broken down into subjects, chapter by chapter - you may
get a lot from that.
Sounds ideal.
Don't forget to breathe... and it's OK to return anything you bought
to make yourself feel better, if it doesn't actually make you feel better!
peace,
Caren
BIG BREATH. Thank you. I feel like I get lost in the shuffle on these yahoo
groups. I really needed to hear from someone on this - I feel so inexperienced
and unsteady - especially when it comes to him.. Thank you SO much!
Karen
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
you could always fill out worksheets for her.
faith
faith
On Nov 16, 2007 5:31 PM, <Kidgie@...> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
> In a message dated 11/16/2007 1:57:07 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
>
> carenkh@... writes:
>
> Have you been sending him anything? It seems simple - if you commit to
> sending "proof of her work" once a month, he won't file anything. I'd
> do what I could to send that proof!
> Not yet - we just got started a few weeks ago. I am an unschooler, HE wants
> School At Home, with homework (?) grades, the whole spiel. Grace herself is
> not ready for Unschooling, so we have been sampling things here and there
> to
> see what interests her. At this point, she feels she has no interests and
> still feels "book stupid." I am doing what I can to rid that of her by
> allowing
> her to...actually, providing, her with, a smattering of things to try and
> taste, so to speak. It's been 3 weeks of that.
>
>
> I know someone has posted before how to write about unschooling so it
> looks schooly. I don't have that info, but hopefully someone who does
> will post it.
> I'll see if I can find that in the archive area...thanks!
>
>
> The book "Unschooling Handbook" by Mary Griffith (if I'm remembering
> correctly) was broken down into subjects, chapter by chapter - you may
> get a lot from that.
> Sounds ideal.
>
>
> Don't forget to breathe... and it's OK to return anything you bought
> to make yourself feel better, if it doesn't actually make you feel better!
>
> peace,
> Caren
>
> BIG BREATH. Thank you. I feel like I get lost in the shuffle on these yahoo
> groups. I really needed to hear from someone on this - I feel so
> inexperienced
> and unsteady - especially when it comes to him.. Thank you SO much!
>
>
> Karen
>
> ************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Joyce Fetteroll
On Nov 16, 2007, at 2:55 PM, Kidgie@... wrote:
worried. Worry, especially when someone has so little control, can
make people go to excessive lengths.
If she were living with him and you heard from them hints that
sounded like he was involving her in a cult, what would your reaction
be? What if he tried to explain it to you but the more he tried, the
more worried you became? What if you'd asked for periodic proof that
she was okay and he said he'd send it but never did?
You're doing something that he can't trust. He's asked for some help
and reassurance in the form of proof of work which you said you'd
give. It's more reasonable than many noncustodial fathers are!
You can't imbue him with an understanding of unschooling. But you can
make it scarier or easier for him to trust that she's going to be okay.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> All, I'm shaking mad. Please, can I have some advice? I can't thinkI think it will help to see this was done because he loves her and is
> evenly
> now. I need help. This is from my daughter's father - Grace is 15 now.
worried. Worry, especially when someone has so little control, can
make people go to excessive lengths.
If she were living with him and you heard from them hints that
sounded like he was involving her in a cult, what would your reaction
be? What if he tried to explain it to you but the more he tried, the
more worried you became? What if you'd asked for periodic proof that
she was okay and he said he'd send it but never did?
You're doing something that he can't trust. He's asked for some help
and reassurance in the form of proof of work which you said you'd
give. It's more reasonable than many noncustodial fathers are!
You can't imbue him with an understanding of unschooling. But you can
make it scarier or easier for him to trust that she's going to be okay.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ulrike Haupt
To Joyce
Your post is absolutely amazingly awesome! As I was reading it I was immensely soothed even though my own trepidation with the subject is only second hand and indirect.
You managed to put into words the most loving and respecting attitude I've come across in a long time. A real PeaceMaker post.
Karen, if you can get to this position yourself you will know exactly what to do to soothe him into trusting that all is well with Grace and your unschooling path. Part of it is soothing your own doubts. That is what we share on this list.
When you give him 'reports' make sure that they come from an inner stance of power, from wanting to share the wonderful good fortune of which your heart is so full that you just have to tell it to the world not from a stance of protection and defensiveness.
Our children are extraordinary people who created us and our willingnes to unschool with them so that they may grow into who they really are unlimited by mediocre control systems.
You said that you've been unschooling/deschooling for 3 weeks only. Reconvalesence from some diseases takes much longer than that. If she feels more secure in doing some schooly things, then why not provide that to her? Just because we unschool does not mean that we can't immerse ourselves into subjects that sound schooly. Ah, and real learning happens so much without books, too.
Blissings
Ulrike
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Your post is absolutely amazingly awesome! As I was reading it I was immensely soothed even though my own trepidation with the subject is only second hand and indirect.
You managed to put into words the most loving and respecting attitude I've come across in a long time. A real PeaceMaker post.
Karen, if you can get to this position yourself you will know exactly what to do to soothe him into trusting that all is well with Grace and your unschooling path. Part of it is soothing your own doubts. That is what we share on this list.
When you give him 'reports' make sure that they come from an inner stance of power, from wanting to share the wonderful good fortune of which your heart is so full that you just have to tell it to the world not from a stance of protection and defensiveness.
Our children are extraordinary people who created us and our willingnes to unschool with them so that they may grow into who they really are unlimited by mediocre control systems.
You said that you've been unschooling/deschooling for 3 weeks only. Reconvalesence from some diseases takes much longer than that. If she feels more secure in doing some schooly things, then why not provide that to her? Just because we unschool does not mean that we can't immerse ourselves into subjects that sound schooly. Ah, and real learning happens so much without books, too.
Blissings
Ulrike
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
On Nov 16, 2007 2:31 PM, <Kidgie@...> wrote:
another page at the bottom of Sandra's.
I'd also recommend beginning a blog, a daily journal of what her life looks
like, put up pictures of her reading, doing whatever it is that she does in
a day. Let him feel a connection, on a daily/semi-daily basis. I'd agree
that it's probably BIG fear that is fueling his actions, a genuine concern
for his daughter.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> In a message dated 11/16/2007 1:57:07 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,I know someone has posted before how to write about unschooling so it
> carenkh@... <carenkh%40earthlink.net> writes:
>
> looks schooly. I don't have that info, but hopefully someone who doeshttp://sandradodd.com/unschoolingcurriculum.html and there's a link to
> will post it.
>
another page at the bottom of Sandra's.
I'd also recommend beginning a blog, a daily journal of what her life looks
like, put up pictures of her reading, doing whatever it is that she does in
a day. Let him feel a connection, on a daily/semi-daily basis. I'd agree
that it's probably BIG fear that is fueling his actions, a genuine concern
for his daughter.
>I thought you'd probably need to read that one again :D
>
> Don't forget to breathe... and it's OK to return anything you bought
> to make yourself feel better, if it doesn't actually make you feel better!
>
>
>
>
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/16/2007 5:06:03 P.M. Pacific Standard Time,
jfetteroll@... writes:
I think it will help to see this was done because he loves her and is
worried. Worry, especially when someone has so little control, can
make people go to excessive lengths.
______________________
for the most part, I agree with you. He is also, however, a super
controlling person. Rules, chores, punishments, MAKE her do stuff, all of that
conventional route with the added control issues.
I know he loves her deeply. But I also know that thee is a LOT of this that
stems from his continued bitterness over our divorce and his anger towards me.
We SEEM to be reaching some understanding now at least...after 15 years of
separation and 12 of divorce and a new marriage for each of us...and still the
bitterness overflows at times.
If she were living with him and you heard from them hints that
sounded like he was involving her in a cult, what would your reaction
be? What if he tried to explain it to you but the more he tried, the
more worried you became? What if you'd asked for periodic proof that
she was okay and he said he'd send it but never did?
You're doing something that he can't trust. He's asked for some help
and reassurance in the form of proof of work which you said you'd
give. It's more reasonable than many noncustodial fathers are!
You can't imbue him with an understanding of unschooling. But you can
make it scarier or easier for him to trust that she's going to be okay.
Joyce
True. Right now, we have agreed that we will email weekly summaries of what
we've been up to, and she brings her books and workbooks and all that jazz
with her when she goes to visit. I handed him the folder with everything in it
this morning at the drop off. I hope it helps. I reminded him that this is a
slow, but steady progression forward, and that helping to show Grace that she
is NOT stupid (something she believes to be true right now due to her school
performance) is my first priority, and that means easing her into things like
reading and writing - big challenges for her.
I hope he is ok with this.
And Diana wrote:
I'd also recommend beginning a blog, a daily journal of what her life looks
like, put up pictures of her reading, doing whatever it is that she does in
a day. Let him feel a connection, on a daily/semi-daily basis. I'd agree
that it's probably BIG fear that is fueling his actions, a genuine concern
for his daughter.
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
___________________________
I like that idea too. Good stuff! I can do that...I just need to find a blog
spot to do so. I've never done that before, how does one go about that?
Thanks, one and all! I really got a lot out of this and I so appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Karen
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jfetteroll@... writes:
I think it will help to see this was done because he loves her and is
worried. Worry, especially when someone has so little control, can
make people go to excessive lengths.
______________________
for the most part, I agree with you. He is also, however, a super
controlling person. Rules, chores, punishments, MAKE her do stuff, all of that
conventional route with the added control issues.
I know he loves her deeply. But I also know that thee is a LOT of this that
stems from his continued bitterness over our divorce and his anger towards me.
We SEEM to be reaching some understanding now at least...after 15 years of
separation and 12 of divorce and a new marriage for each of us...and still the
bitterness overflows at times.
If she were living with him and you heard from them hints that
sounded like he was involving her in a cult, what would your reaction
be? What if he tried to explain it to you but the more he tried, the
more worried you became? What if you'd asked for periodic proof that
she was okay and he said he'd send it but never did?
You're doing something that he can't trust. He's asked for some help
and reassurance in the form of proof of work which you said you'd
give. It's more reasonable than many noncustodial fathers are!
You can't imbue him with an understanding of unschooling. But you can
make it scarier or easier for him to trust that she's going to be okay.
Joyce
True. Right now, we have agreed that we will email weekly summaries of what
we've been up to, and she brings her books and workbooks and all that jazz
with her when she goes to visit. I handed him the folder with everything in it
this morning at the drop off. I hope it helps. I reminded him that this is a
slow, but steady progression forward, and that helping to show Grace that she
is NOT stupid (something she believes to be true right now due to her school
performance) is my first priority, and that means easing her into things like
reading and writing - big challenges for her.
I hope he is ok with this.
And Diana wrote:
I'd also recommend beginning a blog, a daily journal of what her life looks
like, put up pictures of her reading, doing whatever it is that she does in
a day. Let him feel a connection, on a daily/semi-daily basis. I'd agree
that it's probably BIG fear that is fueling his actions, a genuine concern
for his daughter.
>I thought you'd probably need to read that one again :D
>
> Don't forget to breathe... and it's OK to return anything you bought
> to make yourself feel better, if it doesn't actually make you feel better!
>
>
>
>
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
___________________________
I like that idea too. Good stuff! I can do that...I just need to find a blog
spot to do so. I've never done that before, how does one go about that?
Thanks, one and all! I really got a lot out of this and I so appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Karen
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
On Nov 17, 2007 11:00 AM, <Kidgie@...> wrote:
with, it was pretty easy to set up and I find it incredibly user friendly
(moreso after I figgered out some HTML, just fine before then, too ::g::).
You can check out mine, though it's not as focused as the one you'd want to
make for XDH, it should be easier for you to envision the kinds of
*snapshots* of your life together you'd like to share (plenty of links on
the side to other unschoolers' blogs, too). Enlist Grace's help, if she'd
like, that communal task alone covers several topics (current events,
keyboarding, computer programming, photography, graphic design,
english/reading/composition/spelling, to begin...). Be sure she knows you're
going to bat for her, doing what you can to protect her from the (seeming)
scorn that's hiding something far more pleasant (concern/love). Once she
realizes you're on her team and really believes it, life will be much
smoother than it is today.
Have you seen Accepted? In the film (which is hilarious) the (invented)
school's curriculum is a gigantic whiteboard with any and everything that
anyone there wants to know more about. Maybe putting one up and
brainstorming over the next, oh, 10 years or so ;) and just listing whatever
tickles her fancy (or you put up anything you think *may* tickle her fancy)
you'll end up with a map of sorts of where to go from here (as far as
*doing*). That original list is easily adapted to the *curriculum speak* at
the previous link.
Oh yeah, don't forget to breathe ::::vbg::::
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I'd also recommend beginning a blog, a daily journal of what her lifeThat's Punny - I use blogspot :) Blogger.com is the form I'm most familiar
> looks
> like, put up pictures of her reading, doing whatever it is that she does
> in
> a day. Let him feel a connection, on a daily/semi-daily basis. I'd agree
> that it's probably BIG fear that is fueling his actions, a genuine concern
> for his daughter.
> ___________________________
> I like that idea too. Good stuff! I can do that...I just need to find a
> blog
> spot to do so. I've never done that before, how does one go about that?
>
> .
>
>
>
with, it was pretty easy to set up and I find it incredibly user friendly
(moreso after I figgered out some HTML, just fine before then, too ::g::).
You can check out mine, though it's not as focused as the one you'd want to
make for XDH, it should be easier for you to envision the kinds of
*snapshots* of your life together you'd like to share (plenty of links on
the side to other unschoolers' blogs, too). Enlist Grace's help, if she'd
like, that communal task alone covers several topics (current events,
keyboarding, computer programming, photography, graphic design,
english/reading/composition/spelling, to begin...). Be sure she knows you're
going to bat for her, doing what you can to protect her from the (seeming)
scorn that's hiding something far more pleasant (concern/love). Once she
realizes you're on her team and really believes it, life will be much
smoother than it is today.
Have you seen Accepted? In the film (which is hilarious) the (invented)
school's curriculum is a gigantic whiteboard with any and everything that
anyone there wants to know more about. Maybe putting one up and
brainstorming over the next, oh, 10 years or so ;) and just listing whatever
tickles her fancy (or you put up anything you think *may* tickle her fancy)
you'll end up with a map of sorts of where to go from here (as far as
*doing*). That original list is easily adapted to the *curriculum speak* at
the previous link.
Oh yeah, don't forget to breathe ::::vbg::::
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]