Re: Rabbits
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
FROM: pionerlife@...
Anyways- someone posted and said that I should take over the
responsibility of
the rabbits entirely and let her help when she wants to. She will watch
me
taking care of them and learn that way. They also said how she showed
and
interest in something and how I am now punishing her with them. That
floored me
and got me to thinking. I know this sounds silly but I just never
thought of
taking care of them for her and allowing her to help if she wanted to.
So this
morning I asked her if she wanted me to take care of the rabbits
completely and
she said yes. She was worried that if I did it all that it meant that
we would
give the rabbits away. I felt so bad and started crying. I never ever
ever meant
for it to be that way. I just had the public school mentality of they
want it
then they do it.
-=-=-=-
And it's a bigger gift than you can imagine---if you look at all
"chores" in the same way.
By *your* saying, "We *get* to care for our bunnies this afternoon! See
how grateful they are when they get new bedding? I'm sure they're ging
to love these apples slices! I know they appreciate a clean water
bottle!"---all said in a joyful voice as you go about caring for them
as something special---NOT a burden!---she'll see what caring for
others *can* be like!
A child who is forced to begrudgingly care for a pet---even a beloved
pet--- that isn't a act of love. It's just a damned chore. The child
will often become disdainful of the animal---the animal, which has done
*nothing* to deserve that disdain other than to simply be alive. But a
child who has a generous MODEL of caring for a pet---someone who tends
lovingly and carefully for that pet's needs---will eventually care FOR
that pet with the same love and devotion.
It's the same with all the other chore talk that goes on here:
A mother who grouches about each and every towel she has to pick up off
the floor or about all the crumbs left on the counter or about unmade
beds and messy rooms and garbage not taken out---or WORSE!: One that
makes the children do all these horrible, horrible household chores---
she'll have children who have no desire to do such hated chores.
Children who avoid them and do them half-heartedly---and bitch about
them too! (modelmodelmodel!)
BUT! The mother who does each and every one of these things with joy in
her heart and a smile on her face because she CAN---because she feels
her home is a special place for special people, will eventually have
children who feel the same way. Children who do these things out of
love, not obligation---who see these things as part of a joyful life,
not as a burden to finish quickly and without care. THESE children will
take pride and receive joy out of caring for others.
It's a paradigm shift! And it's sometimes hard. But if *we* choose to
be grateful for what we have and care for those things with love and
generosity, so will our children.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! -
http://mail.aol.com
FROM: pionerlife@...
Anyways- someone posted and said that I should take over the
responsibility of
the rabbits entirely and let her help when she wants to. She will watch
me
taking care of them and learn that way. They also said how she showed
and
interest in something and how I am now punishing her with them. That
floored me
and got me to thinking. I know this sounds silly but I just never
thought of
taking care of them for her and allowing her to help if she wanted to.
So this
morning I asked her if she wanted me to take care of the rabbits
completely and
she said yes. She was worried that if I did it all that it meant that
we would
give the rabbits away. I felt so bad and started crying. I never ever
ever meant
for it to be that way. I just had the public school mentality of they
want it
then they do it.
-=-=-=-
And it's a bigger gift than you can imagine---if you look at all
"chores" in the same way.
By *your* saying, "We *get* to care for our bunnies this afternoon! See
how grateful they are when they get new bedding? I'm sure they're ging
to love these apples slices! I know they appreciate a clean water
bottle!"---all said in a joyful voice as you go about caring for them
as something special---NOT a burden!---she'll see what caring for
others *can* be like!
A child who is forced to begrudgingly care for a pet---even a beloved
pet--- that isn't a act of love. It's just a damned chore. The child
will often become disdainful of the animal---the animal, which has done
*nothing* to deserve that disdain other than to simply be alive. But a
child who has a generous MODEL of caring for a pet---someone who tends
lovingly and carefully for that pet's needs---will eventually care FOR
that pet with the same love and devotion.
It's the same with all the other chore talk that goes on here:
A mother who grouches about each and every towel she has to pick up off
the floor or about all the crumbs left on the counter or about unmade
beds and messy rooms and garbage not taken out---or WORSE!: One that
makes the children do all these horrible, horrible household chores---
she'll have children who have no desire to do such hated chores.
Children who avoid them and do them half-heartedly---and bitch about
them too! (modelmodelmodel!)
BUT! The mother who does each and every one of these things with joy in
her heart and a smile on her face because she CAN---because she feels
her home is a special place for special people, will eventually have
children who feel the same way. Children who do these things out of
love, not obligation---who see these things as part of a joyful life,
not as a burden to finish quickly and without care. THESE children will
take pride and receive joy out of caring for others.
It's a paradigm shift! And it's sometimes hard. But if *we* choose to
be grateful for what we have and care for those things with love and
generosity, so will our children.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! -
http://mail.aol.com
diana jenner
On Nov 16, 2007 11:40 AM, <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
I've a story about Hayden needing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, really
late, as I was going to bed, already half asleep, on a regular basis. There
was an evolution that occurred as time went on. His first sandwiches
couldn't have tasted very good, I certainly didn't put any good feelings
into making them. I was grumbly and pissy and, quite frankly, a martyr. I
stomped up the stairs for the 158th time, and three up I realized this
situation sucks for both of us. Who the heck is this woman, throwing
*another* fit about a ding-dang sandwich at 2 am. DUH! How about making one
at 11 and putting it in a baggie for the 2 am request? How about if I just
take a really deep breath. And another one. How else could this be? Who
*else* should be making this sandwich? No one, really NO ONE, wants to eat a
sandwich made by a martyr. I was *that* someone by the top of the stairs. I
lovingly collected the fixins and put all of the honor I felt, in the
ability to make my boy a sandwich in the middle of the night, into each
stroke of my knife. THAT was the best sandwich my son ever ate. *I* may be
the only one of us who knows, that sandwich was made with the biggest dose
of mommy love available. I delivered it to him with a smile on my face and a
bounce in my step and gave him a big hug. He was really surprised... as he
ate, I apologized and hoped to always remember that I have the best job in
the world and I'm *happy* to do it.
One just never knows how many chances you'll *really* have to be *that* mom
for your kid. :D
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Recognizing the *gift* is opening it for everyone to enjoy!
> -----Original Message-----
> FROM: pionerlife@... <pionerlife%40yahoo.com>
>
> Anyways- someone posted and said that I should take over the
> responsibility of the rabbits entirely and let her help when she wants to.
> She will watch me taking care of them and learn that way. They also said how
> she showed
> and interest in something and how I am now punishing her with them. That
> floored me and got me to thinking. I know this sounds silly but I just
> never
> thought of taking care of them for her and allowing her to help if she
> wanted to.
> So this morning I asked her if she wanted me to take care of the rabbits
> completly and she said yes. She was worried that if I did it all that it
> meant that
> we would give the rabbits away. I felt so bad and started crying. I never
> ever
> ever meant for it to be that way. I just had the public school mentality
> of they
> want it then they do it.
>
> -=-=-=-
>
> And it's a bigger gift than you can imagine---if you look at all
> "chores" in the same way.
>
> By *your* saying, "We *get* to care for our bunnies this afternoon! See
> how grateful they are when they get new bedding? I'm sure they're ging
> to love these apples slices! I know they appreciate a clean water
> bottle!"---all said in a joyful voice as you go about caring for them
> as something special---NOT a burden!---she'll see what caring for
> others *can* be like!
> <snip>
>
> BUT! The mother who does each and every one of these things with joy in
> her heart and a smile on her face because she CAN---because she feels
> her home is a special place for special people, will eventually have
> children who feel the same way. Children who do these things out of
> love, not obligation---who see these things as part of a joyful life,
> not as a burden to finish quickly and without care. THESE children will
> take pride and receive joy out of caring for others.
>
> It's a paradigm shift! And it's sometimes hard. But if *we* choose to
> be grateful for what we have and care for those things with love and
> generosity, so will our children.
>
>
I've a story about Hayden needing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, really
late, as I was going to bed, already half asleep, on a regular basis. There
was an evolution that occurred as time went on. His first sandwiches
couldn't have tasted very good, I certainly didn't put any good feelings
into making them. I was grumbly and pissy and, quite frankly, a martyr. I
stomped up the stairs for the 158th time, and three up I realized this
situation sucks for both of us. Who the heck is this woman, throwing
*another* fit about a ding-dang sandwich at 2 am. DUH! How about making one
at 11 and putting it in a baggie for the 2 am request? How about if I just
take a really deep breath. And another one. How else could this be? Who
*else* should be making this sandwich? No one, really NO ONE, wants to eat a
sandwich made by a martyr. I was *that* someone by the top of the stairs. I
lovingly collected the fixins and put all of the honor I felt, in the
ability to make my boy a sandwich in the middle of the night, into each
stroke of my knife. THAT was the best sandwich my son ever ate. *I* may be
the only one of us who knows, that sandwich was made with the biggest dose
of mommy love available. I delivered it to him with a smile on my face and a
bounce in my step and gave him a big hug. He was really surprised... as he
ate, I apologized and hoped to always remember that I have the best job in
the world and I'm *happy* to do it.
One just never knows how many chances you'll *really* have to be *that* mom
for your kid. :D
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: diana jenner <hahamommy@...>
One just never knows how many chances you'll *really* have to be *that*
mom
for your kid. :D
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
-=-=-=-=-=-
NO ONE knows this better than Diana Jenner.
Those aren't just words. Diana knows that those chances to be the best
mom you can be can be limited.
For those of you new to unschooling and this e-list, Diana's daughter,
Hannah, died last February of cancer. It was a huge blow to the
unschooling world, but her death is a solemn reminder NOT to be
solemn---but to find joy in each and every minute we *do* have with our
children.
Just as Diana shows in her peanut better sandwich story, it doesn't
take much to change how *we* perceive things, how *we* can change the
way we feel about a task---no matter how "unreasonable."
I need to do it less and less, but the simple *thought* that this
precious child may be gone tomorrow has helped me through many angry,
frustrated moments. I still use it, but I've found it easier to kind of
*stay* in that mindset so that I don't have to reach for it as much.
Usually simply a deep breath will help center and refocus me and remind
me to honor my baby. Not that I still don't lose it! <G> But it's
gotten easier and easier to banish those creepy thoughts.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of Hannah (and Sam and Jacob). And
I know that their mothers would give anything to have *my* "problems"
at any minute.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! -
http://mail.aol.com
From: diana jenner <hahamommy@...>
One just never knows how many chances you'll *really* have to be *that*
mom
for your kid. :D
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
-=-=-=-=-=-
NO ONE knows this better than Diana Jenner.
Those aren't just words. Diana knows that those chances to be the best
mom you can be can be limited.
For those of you new to unschooling and this e-list, Diana's daughter,
Hannah, died last February of cancer. It was a huge blow to the
unschooling world, but her death is a solemn reminder NOT to be
solemn---but to find joy in each and every minute we *do* have with our
children.
Just as Diana shows in her peanut better sandwich story, it doesn't
take much to change how *we* perceive things, how *we* can change the
way we feel about a task---no matter how "unreasonable."
I need to do it less and less, but the simple *thought* that this
precious child may be gone tomorrow has helped me through many angry,
frustrated moments. I still use it, but I've found it easier to kind of
*stay* in that mindset so that I don't have to reach for it as much.
Usually simply a deep breath will help center and refocus me and remind
me to honor my baby. Not that I still don't lose it! <G> But it's
gotten easier and easier to banish those creepy thoughts.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of Hannah (and Sam and Jacob). And
I know that their mothers would give anything to have *my* "problems"
at any minute.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! -
http://mail.aol.com
Krisula
Diana, I was thinking of this story (the Pb&j story) as I was reading the
good advice unfold in this thread. I am so glad you retold it. I remember
hearing you tell it at the conference in Corvallis and there was an older
lady sitting in front of me - a grandma probably new to RU who was muttering
something like ".at 2:00 in the morning? He needs a sandwich?" Although
she sat in front of me I think I could hear her eyes rolling. By the end of
your talk, though she had softened and was visibly more relaxed (if a bit
tearful). I think these ideas take a bit of time to soak in and make
sense. I have no doubt that these rabbits could be the turning point in
this family as mom takes on the responsibility of making sure they get taken
care of and the child is allowed to join in with all that love. There is so
much to be learned here and so many possible points of connection that could
come out of it. Or it could spiral into a point of stress and contention
and lead down a path of controlling behavior or the sadness of losing a pet
because dd can't keep her end of the bargain. How could she know at her
age?
The old scenario of dutiful 7 yo jumping out of bed and running to the
rabbit hutch to take care of her beloved bunnies hasn't panned out. How
about a new vision where mom goes out every afternoon (before making dinner
maybe) and invites dd along to love on the bunnies together. Maybe they end
up walking hand in hand bonding, maybe a lot of the time dd says "no thanks
mom." And continues what she was doing but the love and respect stay in
tact, the bunnies are never resented and as she matures dd will have an
excellent role model to build from.
This thread has been a good reminder for me as well. We parents make these
choices all the time, every day. Kelly's post is practically a step by step
recipe for peace. I think I'm gonna go read it again.
Truly,
Krisula
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
good advice unfold in this thread. I am so glad you retold it. I remember
hearing you tell it at the conference in Corvallis and there was an older
lady sitting in front of me - a grandma probably new to RU who was muttering
something like ".at 2:00 in the morning? He needs a sandwich?" Although
she sat in front of me I think I could hear her eyes rolling. By the end of
your talk, though she had softened and was visibly more relaxed (if a bit
tearful). I think these ideas take a bit of time to soak in and make
sense. I have no doubt that these rabbits could be the turning point in
this family as mom takes on the responsibility of making sure they get taken
care of and the child is allowed to join in with all that love. There is so
much to be learned here and so many possible points of connection that could
come out of it. Or it could spiral into a point of stress and contention
and lead down a path of controlling behavior or the sadness of losing a pet
because dd can't keep her end of the bargain. How could she know at her
age?
The old scenario of dutiful 7 yo jumping out of bed and running to the
rabbit hutch to take care of her beloved bunnies hasn't panned out. How
about a new vision where mom goes out every afternoon (before making dinner
maybe) and invites dd along to love on the bunnies together. Maybe they end
up walking hand in hand bonding, maybe a lot of the time dd says "no thanks
mom." And continues what she was doing but the love and respect stay in
tact, the bunnies are never resented and as she matures dd will have an
excellent role model to build from.
This thread has been a good reminder for me as well. We parents make these
choices all the time, every day. Kelly's post is practically a step by step
recipe for peace. I think I'm gonna go read it again.
Truly,
Krisula
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]