[email protected]

In a message dated 8/13/2004 12:09:09 AM Central Standard Time,
[email protected] writes:
>But I don't like to see someone create (even inadvertently) a "culture"
where going to college is considered an affront to unschooling.<
Oh, I don't know. Perhaps he's not saying that? Perhaps he's just
suggesting what we all know and talk about here. That pursuing your dream and what you
want to do for a living doesn't mean you will have to go to college. Depends
on what that particular child's passions are, huh? If they 'know' they want
to be a doctor, for instance, a teenager will KNOW they will have to go to
college. If they are talented in art or acting or a myriad of other possible
areas, college may not be necessary. Is this what he is saying?? I don't
know...I haven't read Peter's stuff. Maybe he's just saying that college doesn't =
success and happiness? Don't know! Guess I'll have to read it :)

Your concern got me thinking of the future, though, and wondering if it is
more difficult for an unschooling parent to be detached from expectations when
the kids get older and are thinking about possibly leaving the protective nest?

when they really start thinking about what they want 'to do' with their
lives? Is it hard to stay trusting that they will continue to learn and do what
they need to once they are teens? Do you begin to get nervous when they start
listening to the Peter Kowalski's of the world and making their own judgments
that might possible go against your hope for them? Do you start having little
doubts and think in the back of your mind that they 'need to' do this or that?

My DD is only 5 but I like to see how others are feeling w/their older kids
who've been unschooled a long time.

Warmly,
Denise


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Valerie

> Your concern got me thinking of the future, though, and wondering
if it is more difficult for an unschooling parent to be detached
from expectations when the kids get older and are thinking about
possibly leaving the protective nest? when they really start
thinking about what they want 'to do' with their lives? Is it hard
to stay trusting that they will continue to learn and do what they
need to once they are teens? Do you begin to get nervous when they
start listening to the Peter Kowalski's of the world and making
their own judgments that might possible go against your hope for
them? Do you start having little doubts and think in the back of
your mind that they 'need to' do this or that?
> Warmly,
> Denise

***** For me, after watching Laurie follow her own path for 18
years, it was easy to be detached about her choices. I knew her well
enough to know that every decision she made would be right for her
at that time or she'd merge into a new path if it wasn't. I really
had no expectations, other than for her to be happy. When she
started fretting in her late teens about what she was going to do
with the rest of her life, I explained to her that the restlessness
she was feeling was her body/mind/soul becoming aware of the need
for a change and b/m/s were all searching for what exactly that
change would be.

I never had the nagging doubts. I loved it when her mind would hear
a new idea (to her) and she'd immerse herself in learning about it.
She'd know right where she stood on the idea and just how much of
the idea to adopt for herself. She often took it further than it had
been taken and get really involved. Hence her title as the Resident
Radical at college. She was on the news picketing places more than a
few times. :-)

I took her decisions about what "to do" with her life seriously and
supported her in those decisions. Sometimes she stuck with them for
awhile and at other times she decided rather quickly that it wasn't
such a great choice for her. She always discusses her plans with me
and she always gets my support. That way she feels free to drop them
and not worry about mom getting all weird about it. She's watched me
change paths several times during her lifetime and she knows that
there are many paths to choose from that will be right for her at
different times in her life.

I'm not content to stay in one place in my life for very long. I go
from one thing to the other, quitting when it's not right for me and
going on to something else...with no apologies. I enjoy my life and
I feel no guilt about not finishing the pottery class (for instance)
when it made my wrists hurt. My parents have belittled my choices as
far back as I can remember. I made a vow to never do that to Laurie.

love, Valerie
www.ubpub.com

pam sorooshian

On Aug 13, 2004, at 9:46 AM, we3deeves@... wrote:

> Your concern got me thinking of the future, though, and wondering if
> it is
> more difficult for an unschooling parent to be detached from
> expectations when
> the kids get older and are thinking about possibly leaving the
> protective nest?

I'm not finding it harder, finding it easier because I have had
experience in trusting them and because I have a lot of confidence in
them EVENTUALLY making good decisions. But, they do make some GOOFY
ones, in the meantime, too, sometimes <G>.

-pam

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