Are we doing them a disservice?
rn9302000
This is what my hubby said to me tonight. Usually he is onboard 100%
with the homeschooling,but he has his doubts, like tonight, i know why
he said this.
there are about 3 families in our neighborhood with kids the same ages
or within a year of my dd, my dd used to play with these kids when
they were all little, before anyone went to school, now they all go to
school, my dd doesn't and they don't play with her as much. they were
all trick or treating together,.........my kids did not care, did
notice who was walking with who, they were just happy to be trick or
treating. they have their friends they play with all the time , just
not the same ones in the neighborhood anymore.
so i think hubby saw them all together, and our kids were not part of
that group............he won't admit this is why he said it, but I
know it is. There are other kids in the neighborhood of the same age
range that are also not friends in that particular group either. and
its kind of a clique and i hate it. I am glad my kids are not part of
it, because frankly the kids are snotty and rude, they don't know how
to socialize with other kids not their exact same age. the ones that
are 1 or 2 years older will not even acknowledge my kids if they say
hi. I have said things to them in the past, but I don't like to point
it out to my kids too much, because they don't seem to care or even
notice even though I do. They have their group of close friends, they
just don't happen to live in our neighborhood.
any thoughts on this? any good things I can say to hubby when he says
things like this? I tend to get defensive because I am so anti school.
I told him tonight that he is nervous about being perceived as
"different". Our neighborhood is filled with families of kids that all
go to school ( there is one other homeschool family in our immediate
neighborhood)........they all play the same sports, do the same
activities, play together, etc etc.....and we are different, my kids
don't go to school, they do different activities and sports. They used
to play some town sports with some of these kids but they do different
things now. Gymnastics for instance which is thru a private club, not
the town. but anyway..........I also told him he has to let go of
those notions of what he thinks the kids "should be doing" . He says
it bothers him that they don't have the structure like school kids do.
They don't have set bedtimes, or a set in stone schedule. he said he
thinks this is wrong.
any thoughts on how I can approach this without becoming defensive,
because I feel like I lose credibility when I get defensive.
Diane
with the homeschooling,but he has his doubts, like tonight, i know why
he said this.
there are about 3 families in our neighborhood with kids the same ages
or within a year of my dd, my dd used to play with these kids when
they were all little, before anyone went to school, now they all go to
school, my dd doesn't and they don't play with her as much. they were
all trick or treating together,.........my kids did not care, did
notice who was walking with who, they were just happy to be trick or
treating. they have their friends they play with all the time , just
not the same ones in the neighborhood anymore.
so i think hubby saw them all together, and our kids were not part of
that group............he won't admit this is why he said it, but I
know it is. There are other kids in the neighborhood of the same age
range that are also not friends in that particular group either. and
its kind of a clique and i hate it. I am glad my kids are not part of
it, because frankly the kids are snotty and rude, they don't know how
to socialize with other kids not their exact same age. the ones that
are 1 or 2 years older will not even acknowledge my kids if they say
hi. I have said things to them in the past, but I don't like to point
it out to my kids too much, because they don't seem to care or even
notice even though I do. They have their group of close friends, they
just don't happen to live in our neighborhood.
any thoughts on this? any good things I can say to hubby when he says
things like this? I tend to get defensive because I am so anti school.
I told him tonight that he is nervous about being perceived as
"different". Our neighborhood is filled with families of kids that all
go to school ( there is one other homeschool family in our immediate
neighborhood)........they all play the same sports, do the same
activities, play together, etc etc.....and we are different, my kids
don't go to school, they do different activities and sports. They used
to play some town sports with some of these kids but they do different
things now. Gymnastics for instance which is thru a private club, not
the town. but anyway..........I also told him he has to let go of
those notions of what he thinks the kids "should be doing" . He says
it bothers him that they don't have the structure like school kids do.
They don't have set bedtimes, or a set in stone schedule. he said he
thinks this is wrong.
any thoughts on how I can approach this without becoming defensive,
because I feel like I lose credibility when I get defensive.
Diane
Danielle Conger
rn9302000 wrote:
line) if you want to read the whole write up, but the gist of it is what
amazing kids I have--how generous and considerate they so often are.
Last night while trick-or-treating, they were so polite to every person
who gave them candy, wishing them a Happy Halloween, and the surprise
and gratitude was evident in so many people's voices as they responded,
"Why *thank* you!"
At one point, Em said to Julia that she was going to give Jules and Sam
all the candy she can't eat because of her braces. Jules launched into
this firm, "No Em, I'm going to *trade* you because I want you to have
just as much candy as we do." At the end of the night, they were all
trading and trying different candies, pulling out the couple candy bars
I like from their stash and handing them to me because they wanted me to
have candy, too.
Does school preclude any of those behaviors? Not necessarily, but it's
certainly not what one might expect from "typical" kids or "typical"
siblings.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (10), Julia (8), Sam (7)
http://www.organiclearning.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Connections: ezine of unschooling and mindful parenting
http://connections.organiclearning.org
>I'm about to write a blog post about our night last night (url in my sig
> There are other kids in the neighborhood of the same age
> range that are also not friends in that particular group either. and
> its kind of a clique and i hate it. I am glad my kids are not part of
> it, because frankly the kids are snotty and rude, they don't know how
> to socialize with other kids not their exact same age. the ones that
> are 1 or 2 years older will not even acknowledge my kids if they say
> hi. I have said things to them in the past, but I don't like to point
> it out to my kids too much, because they don't seem to care or even
> notice even though I do. They have their group of close friends, they
> just don't happen to live in our neighborhood.
> any thoughts on this? any good things I can say to hubby when he says
> things like this?
>
line) if you want to read the whole write up, but the gist of it is what
amazing kids I have--how generous and considerate they so often are.
Last night while trick-or-treating, they were so polite to every person
who gave them candy, wishing them a Happy Halloween, and the surprise
and gratitude was evident in so many people's voices as they responded,
"Why *thank* you!"
At one point, Em said to Julia that she was going to give Jules and Sam
all the candy she can't eat because of her braces. Jules launched into
this firm, "No Em, I'm going to *trade* you because I want you to have
just as much candy as we do." At the end of the night, they were all
trading and trying different candies, pulling out the couple candy bars
I like from their stash and handing them to me because they wanted me to
have candy, too.
Does school preclude any of those behaviors? Not necessarily, but it's
certainly not what one might expect from "typical" kids or "typical"
siblings.
--
~~Danielle
Emily (10), Julia (8), Sam (7)
http://www.organiclearning.blogspot.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Connections: ezine of unschooling and mindful parenting
http://connections.organiclearning.org
rn9302000
Danielle,
Yes! My kids would say happy halloween, trick or treat, etc
etc.........and the vast majority of the kids that came to our door,
just ran up, grabbed candy and ran off.......i would call out happy
halloween! and even the parents would stand off in the road.....no
hello, nothing.......so they learn by example I guess. Me, I march
right up with the kids, I say hello to the person answering the door,
wish them a nice evening, etc.......
At one point my kids wanted to take a break, and hubby was on candy
duty, so we stopped home to help him......so I had the candy bowl and
a group of pre teens, came, they just ran up, grabbed
candy.......kiddingly i said " gee no one is saying the magic
halloween words" so one girl gave me the big eye roll and said "trick
or treat"........LOL.
Diane
Yes! My kids would say happy halloween, trick or treat, etc
etc.........and the vast majority of the kids that came to our door,
just ran up, grabbed candy and ran off.......i would call out happy
halloween! and even the parents would stand off in the road.....no
hello, nothing.......so they learn by example I guess. Me, I march
right up with the kids, I say hello to the person answering the door,
wish them a nice evening, etc.......
At one point my kids wanted to take a break, and hubby was on candy
duty, so we stopped home to help him......so I had the candy bowl and
a group of pre teens, came, they just ran up, grabbed
candy.......kiddingly i said " gee no one is saying the magic
halloween words" so one girl gave me the big eye roll and said "trick
or treat"........LOL.
Diane
[email protected]
In a message dated 11/1/2007 5:44:24 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,
danielle.conger@... writes:
At one point, Em said to Julia that she was going to give Jules and Sam
all the candy she can't eat because of her braces. Jules launched into
this firm, "No Em, I'm going to *trade* you because I want you to have
just as much candy as we do." At the end of the night, they were all
trading and trying different candies, pulling out the couple candy bars
I like from their stash and handing them to me because they wanted me to
have candy, too.
____________________________
Just wanted to say, that is what is happening here too - same with the
"thank you" and all of that. It's wonderful...
K.
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
danielle.conger@... writes:
At one point, Em said to Julia that she was going to give Jules and Sam
all the candy she can't eat because of her braces. Jules launched into
this firm, "No Em, I'm going to *trade* you because I want you to have
just as much candy as we do." At the end of the night, they were all
trading and trying different candies, pulling out the couple candy bars
I like from their stash and handing them to me because they wanted me to
have candy, too.
____________________________
Just wanted to say, that is what is happening here too - same with the
"thank you" and all of that. It's wonderful...
K.
************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sharon currie
Hi Diane,
We live in the middle of the school route (and we have 3 schools near us). We don't socialise with any of my kid's friends from school anymore, afterall he's only been to the 1st school for 1 yr( we kinda fell out of the social loop when we moved out of the village to get son into another school) and because he was only in the 2nd school for only 1 term, we never had the chance to really make any new friends. He is not part of any local communitty activity groups like football or karate or scouts either because my son's not interested to be part of those groups too. It doesn';t bother my 7 yr old son at all.
We now have home-educating friends, all living within 10 - 15 miles away.
Especially yesterday, me and hubby and son went trick and treating with another HEing 9 yr old friend. The kids' didn't feel out of place at all, and had a fantastic time.
"my kids did not care, did notice who was walking with who, they were just happy to be trick or treating. they have their friends they play with all the time , just
not the same ones in the neighborhood anymore. I am glad my kids are not part of
it, because frankly the kids are snotty and rude, they don't know how
to socialize with other kids not their exact same age. the ones that
are 1 or 2 years older will not even acknowledge my kids if they say
hi. I have said things to them in the past, but I don't like to point
it out to my kids too much, because they don't seem to care or even
notice even though I do. They have their group of close friends, they
just don't happen to live in our neighborhood."
I find when children is being unschooled, they are usually very sure of thier identity, they seems so much more confident in themselves, and is very comfortable with the fact that they are different, simply because they don't go to school, and they are aware that they had a choice in doing things, differently from school. I noticed in my son, that there isn't any competitive streak in him, simply because he didn't have to compete with anyone to stand out of the crowd, like in a classroom. Hence, it just doensn't bother him when everybody is doing this and that, and he's not. This is the case simply because he knows it was his preferance to be doing something different.
"any thoughts on this? any good things I can say to hubby when he says
things like this? " I also told him he has to let go of those notions of what he thinks the kids "should be doing" . He says it bothers him that they don't have the structure like school kids do. They don't have set bedtimes, or a set in stone schedule. he said he thinks this is wrong. any thoughts on how I can approach this without becoming defensive.
This is how I said to my husband in the beginning, trying to convince him of us unschooling, tyring to get him to see sense, trying to get him to understand that our child is also equally deserving of all this freedom in choices that we adults make, evry minute and every hour of our life!
1. How would you like it if I tell you that you have to go to bed everynight at 8 oclock, tv off, light off?
2. How would you like it if I tell you, you HAVE to go to sports events, or socialise with your workmates, everyday?
3. If you feel our son needs to be part of the local community, how come you're not make any effort to be part of our community? I told my hubby, how would you like it if I told you, you have to go play football with our neighbours, evry weekend, whether you like it or not, how would you feel?
4. If he thinks son should be like other kids, doing the same thing, then perhaps I should be the same too, doing what other mothers are doing. So does this means I can have my brand new sports car, and go buy £1,000 Fendi handbags, because that's what most mothers I know, is doing!!! I think this trick help convinced my hubby the logic in doing things differently LOL! My point is, just because that's what everybody is doing, doesn't mean we have to!
I felt, by placing my hubby in my son's shoes, it did help make hubby see how ridiculous and unfair it is to impose on our son, what he felt our son should be doing and how to behave.
Can you hubby see the difference in your kids? Can he see the positiveness in them unschooling? Can he see them being so happy, all the time? Can he, at least acknowledge that it is a fantastic thing when your chidlren is so confident in themselves, that they are not even bothered about not being in the crowd? Isn't this what's gonna help them when they grow up? The confidence to be themslevs and not be swayed by other people's ideas, I think this is very important, especially nowadays, chidlren is exposed to so much options and influences like drugs and all.
Hope I'm able to help. All the best.
Sharon.
---------------------------------
For ideas on reducing your carbon footprint visit Yahoo! For Good this month.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We live in the middle of the school route (and we have 3 schools near us). We don't socialise with any of my kid's friends from school anymore, afterall he's only been to the 1st school for 1 yr( we kinda fell out of the social loop when we moved out of the village to get son into another school) and because he was only in the 2nd school for only 1 term, we never had the chance to really make any new friends. He is not part of any local communitty activity groups like football or karate or scouts either because my son's not interested to be part of those groups too. It doesn';t bother my 7 yr old son at all.
We now have home-educating friends, all living within 10 - 15 miles away.
Especially yesterday, me and hubby and son went trick and treating with another HEing 9 yr old friend. The kids' didn't feel out of place at all, and had a fantastic time.
"my kids did not care, did notice who was walking with who, they were just happy to be trick or treating. they have their friends they play with all the time , just
not the same ones in the neighborhood anymore. I am glad my kids are not part of
it, because frankly the kids are snotty and rude, they don't know how
to socialize with other kids not their exact same age. the ones that
are 1 or 2 years older will not even acknowledge my kids if they say
hi. I have said things to them in the past, but I don't like to point
it out to my kids too much, because they don't seem to care or even
notice even though I do. They have their group of close friends, they
just don't happen to live in our neighborhood."
I find when children is being unschooled, they are usually very sure of thier identity, they seems so much more confident in themselves, and is very comfortable with the fact that they are different, simply because they don't go to school, and they are aware that they had a choice in doing things, differently from school. I noticed in my son, that there isn't any competitive streak in him, simply because he didn't have to compete with anyone to stand out of the crowd, like in a classroom. Hence, it just doensn't bother him when everybody is doing this and that, and he's not. This is the case simply because he knows it was his preferance to be doing something different.
"any thoughts on this? any good things I can say to hubby when he says
things like this? " I also told him he has to let go of those notions of what he thinks the kids "should be doing" . He says it bothers him that they don't have the structure like school kids do. They don't have set bedtimes, or a set in stone schedule. he said he thinks this is wrong. any thoughts on how I can approach this without becoming defensive.
This is how I said to my husband in the beginning, trying to convince him of us unschooling, tyring to get him to see sense, trying to get him to understand that our child is also equally deserving of all this freedom in choices that we adults make, evry minute and every hour of our life!
1. How would you like it if I tell you that you have to go to bed everynight at 8 oclock, tv off, light off?
2. How would you like it if I tell you, you HAVE to go to sports events, or socialise with your workmates, everyday?
3. If you feel our son needs to be part of the local community, how come you're not make any effort to be part of our community? I told my hubby, how would you like it if I told you, you have to go play football with our neighbours, evry weekend, whether you like it or not, how would you feel?
4. If he thinks son should be like other kids, doing the same thing, then perhaps I should be the same too, doing what other mothers are doing. So does this means I can have my brand new sports car, and go buy £1,000 Fendi handbags, because that's what most mothers I know, is doing!!! I think this trick help convinced my hubby the logic in doing things differently LOL! My point is, just because that's what everybody is doing, doesn't mean we have to!
I felt, by placing my hubby in my son's shoes, it did help make hubby see how ridiculous and unfair it is to impose on our son, what he felt our son should be doing and how to behave.
Can you hubby see the difference in your kids? Can he see the positiveness in them unschooling? Can he see them being so happy, all the time? Can he, at least acknowledge that it is a fantastic thing when your chidlren is so confident in themselves, that they are not even bothered about not being in the crowd? Isn't this what's gonna help them when they grow up? The confidence to be themslevs and not be swayed by other people's ideas, I think this is very important, especially nowadays, chidlren is exposed to so much options and influences like drugs and all.
Hope I'm able to help. All the best.
Sharon.
---------------------------------
For ideas on reducing your carbon footprint visit Yahoo! For Good this month.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rn9302000
Thanks Sharon,
Yes you are right, the kids are developing good self esteem, they
don't have notions about who should play with them and don't ever
feel left out. They don't have any sense of being "different" , they
are just happy. Happy kids. and I think hubby does see this. I think
he was just having nostalgia about his own childhood. LOL
I am glad my kids don't have the feelings of having to be with a
certain group, they have their group of friends that we spend time
with. they are here a lot, we are there a lot. they all live withing
10-15 miles of us as well.
I like your ideas of what I can say to hubby, he actually is coming
more and more around to the unschooling idea. I still don't say the
word unschooling, I am just letting him see it in action. And he knows
its good, but he just occasionally doubts, and I suppose that is
normal, we all question ourselves, especially with the kids!
Diane
Yes you are right, the kids are developing good self esteem, they
don't have notions about who should play with them and don't ever
feel left out. They don't have any sense of being "different" , they
are just happy. Happy kids. and I think hubby does see this. I think
he was just having nostalgia about his own childhood. LOL
I am glad my kids don't have the feelings of having to be with a
certain group, they have their group of friends that we spend time
with. they are here a lot, we are there a lot. they all live withing
10-15 miles of us as well.
I like your ideas of what I can say to hubby, he actually is coming
more and more around to the unschooling idea. I still don't say the
word unschooling, I am just letting him see it in action. And he knows
its good, but he just occasionally doubts, and I suppose that is
normal, we all question ourselves, especially with the kids!
Diane