[email protected]

Regarding the screaming, hitting, kicking, spitting...

Keep in mind I've never adopted.

I don't know that it's avoidable---pent-up anger and frustration
and---lordknowswhatelse---is bound to be released as soon as the child
feels "safe" enough to do so.

I think I would learn a few phrases in his cantonese dialect (and learn
them really, REALLY well---NO mistakes!) that might help him through
it. Like:

"I love you." "I won't let anyone hurt you." "I'm here to help." "I
know how angry you must feel." "You'll never go back there." I'm here
for you." "How can I make it better?"

I think you'll have to feel him out to see what comforts him the
most---hugging? alone time? massage? stroking? sitting close, but not
touching? foot rub? brow rub? holding hands?

I'm sure he'll be distrustful---I can't imagine that he would arrive
trustful of anyone or anything. But working at establishing that right
away would be *my* top priority.

<g> Maybe stocking up on arnica (for the potential bruises), ear plugs
(for the potential screaming), and handy-wipes (for potential spit)
would be a good start? <bwg>

Best of luck! We're pulling for you!

~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org


________________________________________________________________________
Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail! -
http://mail.aol.com

Ren Allen

~~<g> Maybe stocking up on arnica (for the potential bruises), ear plugs
(for the potential screaming), and handy-wipes (for potential spit)
would be a good start? <bwg>~~


And some Rescue Remedy! I just saw they come in little pastilles you
can suck on. Probably tastes better than the liquid. You can slip a
few drops of the liquid into water for intense moments too...or even
just touch it to the temples.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Melissa

My friend has adopted two boys from over there...similar situation.
She hasn't had any trouble with what you've mentioned, hitting,
kicking, spitting...they both latched on to her pretty quickly and
absorbed every bit of affection they could get. There was some
'testing', for lack of a better word. Eyeing her and throwing a toy
to see her reaction, a little bit of screaming (and most of that in
frustration because she didn't speak their language) Anyway, maybe
just saying that you don't necessarily have to expect the anger
issues, be prepared, but there are many people who adopt that don't
have that problem.

Sign language is meant to be visual, and most of the signs are very
obvious. We've used signing times (my friend watched it a LOT and her
son was very proficient at signing before age one) and it is a good
program. I think it would be wonderful to get now and start using. I
like Kelly's idea of learning a few phrases. It seems to me that the
tone of your voice, as well as your gentle presence, will make all
the difference in the beginning. He'll pick up English quickly
quickly. If attachment disorders are present, then take that one step
at a time, because his needs will be different than other children
with AD, and to me unschooling as about filling needs. That's why it
is so wonderful with children who have different abilities,
expectations, etc. It's worked wonderfully for all my kids.

Melissa
Mom to Josh (12), Breanna (10), Emily (8), Rachel (7), Sam (6), Dan
(4), and Avari Rose (19 months)

share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma



On Oct 15, 2007, at 7:05 AM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:

> Regarding the screaming, hitting, kicking, spitting...
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Karen Swanay

Well as for learning a few phrases, no one talks to my daughter. She
responds to the commands given the whole group. She has no language or so
it seems. And addtionally, the dialect the ayis use is regional so there is
no way for me to learn that dialect. So that's not going to help. Were she
older she would be learning some Mandarin which I'm mildly proficient at.
This is why I was thinking the signing would be good, but I've got a friend
that works with Special Ed teachers and she's going to make me a book of
pictures for things.

Thanks all.
Karen


On 10/15/07, Melissa <autismhelp@...> wrote:
>
> My friend has adopted two boys from over there...similar situation.
> She hasn't had any trouble with what you've mentioned, hitting,
> kicking, spitting...they both latched on to her pretty quickly and
> absorbed every bit of affection they could get. There was some
> 'testing', for lack of a better word. Eyeing her and throwing a toy
> to see her reaction, a little bit of screaming (and most of that in
> frustration because she didn't speak their language) Anyway, maybe
> just saying that you don't necessarily have to expect the anger
> issues, be prepared, but there are many people who adopt that don't
> have that problem.
>
> Sign language is meant to be visual, and most of the signs are very
> obvious. We've used signing times (my friend watched it a LOT and her
> son was very proficient at signing before age one) and it is a good
> program. I think it would be wonderful to get now and start using. I
> like Kelly's idea of learning a few phrases. It seems to me that the
> tone of your voice, as well as your gentle presence, will make all
> the difference in the beginning. He'll pick up English quickly
> quickly. If attachment disorders are present, then take that one step
> at a time, because his needs will be different than other children
> with AD, and to me unschooling as about filling needs. That's why it
> is so wonderful with children who have different abilities,
> expectations, etc. It's worked wonderfully for all my kids.
>
> Melissa
> Mom to Josh (12), Breanna (10), Emily (8), Rachel (7), Sam (6), Dan
> (4), and Avari Rose (19 months)
>
> share our lives at
> http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma
>
> On Oct 15, 2007, at 7:05 AM, kbcdlovejo@... <kbcdlovejo%40aol.com>wrote:
>
> > Regarding the screaming, hitting, kicking, spitting...
> >
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>



--
"Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about."

LOI 1/26/07
PA 3/22/07
DTC 8/10/07
Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/15/2007 7:27:28 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,
luvbullbreeds@... writes:

dialect the ayis


_________________________

Karen, i have access to many chinese friends perhaps they can lead me to
this dialect, you never know. but i looked up "ayis" and it means "maid" from
what i've seen, and i can't find reference to it being a dialect. maybe i am
misunderstanding you. let me know, ok? if i can get some phrases for you, i'd be
very happy to do so!

karen ps



************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Karen Swanay

ayis are the "nannies" that work at the SWIs they tend to be very poor
women. Xian Yi (SHEN yee) is living in Guangdong province, Foshan City.
This is southern China hence Cantonese. Although when I say Xian Yi I say
it in Mandarin.

I'd be very appreciative of some phrases if you could.
Karen


On 10/15/07, Kidgie@... <Kidgie@...> wrote:
>
>
> In a message dated 10/15/2007 7:27:28 A.M. Pacific Daylight Time,
> luvbullbreeds@... <luvbullbreeds%40gmail.com> writes:
>
> dialect the ayis
>
> _________________________
>
> Karen, i have access to many chinese friends perhaps they can lead me to
> this dialect, you never know. but i looked up "ayis" and it means "maid"
> from
> what i've seen, and i can't find reference to it being a dialect. maybe i
> am
> misunderstanding you. let me know, ok? if i can get some phrases for you,
> i'd be
> very happy to do so!
>
> karen ps
>
> ************************************** See what's new at
> http://www.aol.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>



--
"Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about."

LOI 1/26/07
PA 3/22/07
DTC 8/10/07
Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]