Meredith

>She just won't do things WITH others--Um, yes, she IS
>autistic...not an excuse, but you must understand many (not ALL)
>children with autism do NOT have the social skills or desires!

Actually, this sort of thing is one of the biggest hassles I've seen in
the persistant use of lables - they don't give enough of the right kind
of information.

Are you saying she feels disconnected from other people? Uncomfortable
around other people? In what ways? Verbally? Visually? Kinetically?
Energetically? That's IMPORTANT - more important than whether she falls
into category x or y or xy. Its something *you* need to consider pretty
consistently in your relationship. I'm sure you already know that! but
its worth considering specifically wrt your concern that some of her
meltdowns seem to "come out of the blue".

It may be useful to think about how much human contact, and what kinds
(verbal, visual, touch, proximity), your dd has over a period of time -
a day, five days, two weeks - and see if there is a relationship
between how much "irritating contact" she gets (for want of a better
expression) and how likely she is to melt down "out of the blue". This
is the sort of thing that's going to vary a whole bunch from person to
person. Some people build up stress in this way over a loooong period
of time if they don't have a way to discharge it. It makes looking for
triggers confusing bc you only *notice* the last straw, and that keeps
changing - sound familiar?

If this does seem to be an issue, you can start looking for ways to
help your dd have more control over the kinds of contact she
experiences. Probably pulling her out of school in and of itself has
helped her have a whole lot more control in this regard - which could
explain why she's not nearly as likely to melt down or as severely now
that she's home.

I can't stress enough the importance of looking at different *kinds* of
contact/stimulation. It may be that there are ways to be present with
her *and* give her the space/control she needs.

One of the theories that applies to *some* people with autism is that
they seem to process information via one method at a time - whereas
most other people process via multiple methods simultaneosly. That may
be old news to you, I don't know - but that's also a good place to look
for possible "triggers", especially in light of what I said about build-
up over time. If she's being asked (by circumstances) to process
information via multiple means too many times in a day (or week, or
fortnight!) that could well trigger a meltdown. Too many notes.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)