[email protected]

Hey, All!

Ya'll, I am comfortable for the most part with my children nursing, but I've
been really feeling uncomfortable (physically) lately. Julian is 5, Julia is
2, they both want to nurse ALL the time (ok, it feels that way, lol) and I'm
feeling overwhelmed by it all. I really want to do child-lead weaning. But I
want their time to be NOW, lol...well, Julian, mainly. Nursing him sometimes
hurts, the latch is awkward I think at this age, he has ALWAYS been an other
side twiddler which I've ALWAYS gently redirected but he still does it (it's
not always conscious, but sometimes it is for him). I don't know...I need a
few things I think:

1. Please help support my decision to allow child lead weaning! I need the
support to help continue what I know feels right for us.

2. Ideas of GENTLE weaning approaches - the kind that are more of a gentle
redirection-see-what-happens-go-from-there kinda thing.

It's making me crazy at times. And at times, I'm grateful we are continuing
on this path. But this fits into RU so well, and I just know that someone here
will be able to help...

Thanks!
Karen
Julian 5, Julia, 2
(and Laura 19, James 18, Grace 15!)



************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Matt & Jessica

I understand where you are at. Though I only have 1 child, she is four. We also believe in child-led weaning. I don't really have any tips for gently weaning but I do have some tips I have found for my sanity:).
Most of the time, she knows that she can have "nummies" whenever. However, there are times when I am in a hurry that we have come up with "hurry up nummies". It works great. Sometimes she asks me to count, sometimes she counts in her head or mumbles (quite cute), or sometimes it is just an approximate amount of time. Usually she HAS to have both sides but not always.
This has worked great for us in times that I truely am hurried and she truely needs me.
The other thing that you might want to think about is this. When I feel like dd is ALWAYS nursing, it is usually a few things that might be happening
1) I am getting sick and amazingly she knows this and instinctively nurses a TON.
2) I am more rushed than usually and she is telling me to slow down and spend some time with her.
3)She is feeling sick, tired, rushed, sad, etc etc.

Another thing that could be happening for you (this is just a guess since I have an only child so far), is your daughter nursing more (maybe for one of the above reasons) and therefore your son wants to nurse more too? Or is he feeling neglected for some reason (I know 2 yr olds can take a lot of energy so maybe more time is going to your daughter right now?).
These are just all ideas. You son might just nurse a lot too. I know my daughter nurses a lot more than I thought she would.
I would also like to say congrats on not only extended bfing, but also tandem nursing. I know I like to hear it and feel like usually I hear the opposite! :) As stressful as I know it can feel, the time is passing quickly. Can you believe your son is 5? It feels like my dd was just turning 1! She is now a little past 4. It flies by.
Also I can't remember if I introduced myself, but my name is Jessica. I am loving this list and all of the conversations on it. Our dd is 4 (obviously) and we kind of lead ourselves to unschooling through child-led weaning actually. It just made sense. We are loving the unschooling life we have picked. It is amazing how awesome are kids are when we just let them blossom:).

I don't know if I answered your question Karen, but if you want to talk more you can e-mail me.

Jessica (off to bed because I just realized what time it is!)

Visit my website at www.mytupperware.com/jessicamcchesney
There are all sorts of specials for the holidays. Check them out:)!

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Meredith

--- In [email protected], Kidgie@... wrote:
>
> Hey, All!
>
> Ya'll, I am comfortable for the most part with my children
nursing, but I've
> been really feeling uncomfortable (physically) lately. Julian is
5, Julia is
> 2, they both want to nurse ALL the time (ok, it feels that way,
lol) and I'm
> feeling overwhelmed by it all.

There's a lot of activity on the board right now, so I'm bumping
this up a little so it doesn't get "lost". I don't have experience
with extended nursing, myself, but its a topic that comes up
periodically.

Have you communicated your discomfort with your 5yo? Five is still a
bit young for much empathy, but it *is* important to communicate
honestly with your kids about how you feel. Maybe you and he can
look for some solutions that meet his needs and yours together.
That's more likely to happen if you are talking with him openly and
not "just" redirecting, though.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)

Rachel

Hi Karen!

I'm Rachel and I also have an older nursling, Sophia who is 5 1/2. I
don't have any experience with tandem nursing since my other dd is 16
but I do understand how uncomfortable nursing an older child can be at
times. I can imagine that if Sophia had to see a younger sibling nurse
she would ask for "nummies" much more than than she does now, usually
every few days.

Joining an extended breastfeeding group helped me out when I felt
really done with nursing but Sophia wanted to continue. I don't have
the link anymore but it was a yahoo group. Also, your local La Leche
League could be very helpful since there are other moms with first
hand knowledge or at least great resource info for tandem/extended
nursing and LLL promotes gentle parenting.

As for Sophia and I at this point I don't offer and don't refuse. I
did ask her the other day when she thought she would be done nursing,
she thought about it with a scrunched up face and said seriously "When
I'm 7." Hmmmm, looks like I have a few more years to go. lol

Hope some of my rambling will be helpful. If it isn't, then at least
you know you are not alone. Good luck.

Peace and Joy,
Rachel

Faith Void

I know you have lots of responses and I am very slow, I just had a baby and
I am not online much right now.
I just wanted to send out support vibes, I nursed both my older kids until
they were done. My first dd weaned herself but I needed to help out my ds.
He was still nursing at 4 and some odd months when I got pregnant again. I
had just assumed either he'd wean while I was pregnant or we'd tandem nurse.
I didn't realize how painful it would be for me! So I had to talk to him
about it after "grinning and baring it" for a couple weeks. I talk to him
about how I loved to nurse him and I knew that he loved "boobie" but that it
was physically hurting me and I felt like I couldn't do it anymore (at all,
not necessarily what your needs are). So we came up with a solution for
weaning. I would try and nurse him when he asked but if it hurt then he'd
stop and we'd try something else. He decided that back-rubs and cuddling
would work for him. So that is how we did it. It really didn't take long to
acclimate to the substitute. Also, he wanted to be reassured that I would
nurse him when the baby came. Well, he tried it, but had no idea how to
latch anymore. It had only been a couple months! But like you I had found
his latch becoming uncomfortable before I even got pregnant and had been
discussing weaning but not active prior to that. He was very lax about
positioning and it wasn't always comfortable. I would just ask him to
re-latch or stop if he couldn't get on the boob in a way that was mutually
comfortable.I admire persitant in nursing in our society, it is so
unsupported. So even if this doesn't help in any other way I hope that it
helps you feel more supported.
Faith

On 10/2/07, Kidgie@... <Kidgie@...> wrote:
>
> Hey, All!
>
> Ya'll, I am comfortable for the most part with my children nursing, but
> I've
> been really feeling uncomfortable (physically) lately. Julian is 5, Julia
> is
> 2, they both want to nurse ALL the time (ok, it feels that way, lol) and
> I'm
> feeling overwhelmed by it all. I really want to do child-lead weaning. But
> I
> want their time to be NOW, lol...well, Julian, mainly. Nursing him
> sometimes
> hurts, the latch is awkward I think at this age, he has ALWAYS been an
> other
> side twiddler which I've ALWAYS gently redirected but he still does it
> (it's
> not always conscious, but sometimes it is for him). I don't know...I need
> a
> few things I think:
>
> 1. Please help support my decision to allow child lead weaning! I need the
>
> support to help continue what I know feels right for us.
>
> 2. Ideas of GENTLE weaning approaches - the kind that are more of a gentle
>
> redirection-see-what-happens-go-from-there kinda thing.
>
> It's making me crazy at times. And at times, I'm grateful we are
> continuing
> on this path. But this fits into RU so well, and I just know that someone
> here
> will be able to help...
>
> Thanks!
> Karen
> Julian 5, Julia, 2
> (and Laura 19, James 18, Grace 15!)
>
> ************************************** See what's new at
> http://www.aol.com
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meredith

--- In [email protected], Kendrah Nilsestuen
<carebear-79@...> wrote:
>>I realize I am encouraging limiting
> something. When we choose not to limit TV, food, video games, etc.
I
> see that as different from this.

I wanted to address this in particular, because I don't see it so
much as limiting as finding a mutually acceptible solution to a
problem - and *that's* something that can carry over into tv, food,
games, etc. Sometimes, especially when parents still have some
deschooling to do, the "solution" involves a whole lot of mom
changing her perspective until the problem is no longer perceived as
such, but that's not to say there are never any problems in the
realms of tv or food or whathaveyou other than mom's perception ;)

Okay, that's getting vague, so I'll throw out an example. One of the
topics that's sometimes discussed wrt tv is content that is
frightening to one or more members of the family. That's a problem
that needs to be worked out - but the "solution" isn't necessarily a
rule saying "no tv" or "no scary tv". There are more mutually
satisfying solutions available.

I think many people new to the concept of unschooling get stuck on
the idea of "no limits" (I did!). Personally, I found/find it more
helpful, when I come up with a "limiting" question, to try to think
about the situation from a different perspective - and often the
most helpful perspective for me is of improving communication within
my family. Oftentimes "improving communication" means *I* have to do
more watching and listening. I have a tendency to assume I know
what's wrong *and* know the Best Solution - after all I'm the Mom!
Oops.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)

Shannon Rizzo

>> But I want their time to be NOW, lol...well, Julian, mainly. Nursing
him sometimes
>> hurts, the latch is awkward I think at this age, he has ALWAYS been
an other
>> side twiddler which I've ALWAYS gently redirected but he still does
it (it's
>> not always conscious, but sometimes it is for him). I don't know...I
need a
>> few things I think:

Can you give him something to fidget with in his hands so he doesn't
twiddle? Setting boundaries for your body comfort is reasonable and you can
say "could you play with this instead, the twiddling hurts me" each time he
does it.

>> 1. Please help support my decision to allow child lead weaning! I
need the
>> support to help continue what I know feels right for us.

I nursed through my last two pregnancies; during my second pregnancy I
didn't know much about nursing and thought one needed to wean. She was 14
months but that seems so young now. When my fourth child was born I tandem
nursed for almost two years. The most challenging part in the beginning was
physically arranging me the kids during the night so both could nurse at the
same time. The books I had didn't cover logistics to that extent.

>> 2. Ideas of GENTLE weaning approaches - the kind that are more of a
gentle
>> redirection-see-what-happens-go-from-there kinda thing.

As they are older and not newborns, it is completely reasonable that you
both/all should be satisfied with the relationship. Others have given good
ideas for diversion. When my son stopped nursing around 4, he went from
nursing to laying with his cheek on the breast, to falling asleep with his
hand on it, and gradually he stopped that (he would begin snuggle time
laying his hand on it for shorter and shorter periods as his need for that
comfort habit decreased).

It does take courage to ask for help and even disclose that one is nursing
such an older child. I made a comment about my current nursling at a local
homeschool group. Most of them know I nurse until they self-wean and are
extended nursers themselves, but someone who must be new emailed me
anonymously (his/her name was "rchybnker" appropriately enough) and said I
was a pervert who was warping and abusing my child. After that shock, it
has been nice to see the positive replies you've received here.

Shannon

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10:08 AM

Meredith

--- In [email protected], Kendrah Nilsestuen
<carebear-79@...> wrote:
>> Perhaps limiting is a negative term, and I should shine it in a
more
> positive light. However no matter how we say it isn't the truth
that
> (if taken literally) we are still limiting?

Well, the nature of "truth" can be pretty subjective ;) Its totally
possible to describe all human relationships in terms of limits or
gains-vs-losses or positive -vs- negative reinforcement. There comes
a point, though, when thinking in those sorts of ways can hinder
unschooling. That can happen either by creating resistance (of
*course* everything is either a win or a loss, this unschooling
stuff is nonsense) or by leaving parents floundering trying to
figure out how to say "yes" to everything in the whole world all at
once.

I made a concious effort, somewhere along the line, to "catch"
myself thinking in terms of limits or "reinforcement" (big sticking
point for me) and re-conceptualize. Is it necessary to do that to
unschool? Probably not - but it sure made it easier for me to trust
instead of panicking ;) In an sense it made it easier for me
to 'think like an unschooler'.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 14)

Amy Mason

Hi Karen,
A little late here but had to chime in...I'm in the same boat too so I
don't have any advice but I'm loving to hear from those responding to
your original post...I've had five wonderful darlings...I weaned my 8
yr old (boy) when he was 3 (before my RU days) but he still wishes he
could nurse!...my 6 year old (girl) self weaned while I was pregnant
with #3. My three year old (girl) still nurses VERY frequently and so
does my 19 month old (girl). The situation I have is my 3 year old
nurses more than the baby! My baby has become so attuned to the three
year old that if the 3 year old falls or cries...the baby comes
running to me trying to beat her for boobie, even if she was happy
doing something and not even thinking about nursing. We usually end
up doing doubles anyway which is really hard to manage when I'm in
public somewhere...then I have to negotiate with both and try to find
a happy solution. I do still enjoy nursing when it's a nice, quiet,
cuddling, time but when I have two fighting over me and vying for
position...it can be very trying and tiring. Then it's a competition
as to who holds my necklace/locket while they nurse...they switch when
they switch sides...hilarious, really. Gotta love kids! I know I
do...I must be crazy because we're trying for #6! and I turn 40 in 3
weeks! Somebody stop me!!! :) Will I be nursing 3???
Amy in WV