One of the Wechts

Happened upon this movie on HBO and just had to watch it again.
What a wonderful boost.
If you haven't already, add this movie to your deschooling "to do" list.
Anyone else want to start an UnCollege!!

Beth in MD
Trying to hang on to the L & L vibe




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Donna Vanderlip

Keep benifiting from the support I find here as we continue the deschooling process. Although I am seeing some remarkable things happening with both Kora and Lukas, I still feel overwhelmed by the amount of time Lukas chooses to spend on the computer. I waver between being patient and understanding the process and questioning whether or not I am being a good parent as I watch him focus on nothing else but screens. On many levels I see that he is coping with not being at school and is just simply uncertain about how to fill his time. However, it sometimes breaks my heart to see how he has pushed away so many other interests.

Just needing support through this process. Donna








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Mary McCune

My hubby and I love this movie. It is on HBO quite often.
Mary

On 9/19/07, One of the Wechts <erw@...> wrote:
>
> Happened upon this movie on HBO and just had to watch it again.
> What a wonderful boost.
> If you haven't already, add this movie to your deschooling "to do" list.
> Anyone else want to start an UnCollege!!
>
> Beth in MD
> Trying to hang on to the L & L vibe
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>



--
Mary Champion-McCune


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

hbmccarty

Hi Donna-

We stopped limiting "screen time" a few years ago. I remember feeling
sad also about my son turning away from other interests.

One thing is that I realized that I was making a value judgment that
those other interests were more valuable than time spent doing things on
the computer. They are all things that kids are choosing to do for their
own reasons and they are enjoying and learning all the time.

Another thing is that if you pay attention to what he is doing on the
computer you may start to see that many things are happening. My kids do
a lot of different things on the computer- they socialize, play magic(a
game that is described as being more challenging than chess), read,
write, research, learn how to make jewelry, find music to play along
with, and that is just a start.

You can offer other things - think of places to go and things to do that
you think he might be interested in, bring in games, books, and toys and
offer them without expectation.

And the last thing is that my son did return to those other interests!
My daughter does many other things as well- they all seem to blend
together. She learned to write mainly through email. She will draw and
make jewelry while watching TV shows.

If you can just sit and feel your feelings and separate that from what
is truly going on, that can really help. I have been there and have gone
through all those feelings of being unsure and worrying that I was
ruining my kids. They are not ruined! Absolutely the opposite!

Hope that is helpful- it is not so long ago that we took the final steps
and it has been absolutely worth it in terms of improved relationships
and with no ill effect to learning- they learn always.

Heather

Donna Vanderlip wrote:
>
> Keep benifiting from the support I find here as we continue the
> deschooling process. Although I am seeing some remarkable things
> happening with both Kora and Lukas, I still feel overwhelmed by the
> amount of time Lukas chooses to spend on the computer. I waver between
> being patient and understanding the process and questioning whether or
> not I am being a good parent as I watch him focus on nothing else but
> screens. On many levels I see that he is coping with not being at
> school and is just simply uncertain about how to fill his time.
> However, it sometimes breaks my heart to see how he has pushed away so
> many other interests.
>

Donna Vanderlip

Dear Heather

You have helped enormously....thank you so very much. I will definately spend some time with him and learn some of the games he is playing. May even try them myself. You are right about the value judgement part....It is truely amazing how as adults we can decide what is right or wrong for children and not really give them much time to show us what they are learning from the things we steer them away from. Today, Lukas was able to name several types of cars and describe some their features. He said he got it from playing a racing car game on the computer. Then he launched into a discussion about graphics and talking about how some games have better graphics than others and why he thinks certain graphics are better. I was truly amazed and even though I had a little bit of a panic stirring because of how long he was on the computer I was able to listen carefully to the learning......Again thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Donna
hbmccarty <hbmccarty@...> wrote:
Hi Donna-

We stopped limiting "screen time" a few years ago. I remember feeling
sad also about my son turning away from other interests.

One thing is that I realized that I was making a value judgment that
those other interests were more valuable than time spent doing things on
the computer. They are all things that kids are choosing to do for their
own reasons and they are enjoying and learning all the time.

Another thing is that if you pay attention to what he is doing on the
computer you may start to see that many things are happening. My kids do
a lot of different things on the computer- they socialize, play magic(a
game that is described as being more challenging than chess), read,
write, research, learn how to make jewelry, find music to play along
with, and that is just a start.

You can offer other things - think of places to go and things to do that
you think he might be interested in, bring in games, books, and toys and
offer them without expectation.

And the last thing is that my son did return to those other interests!
My daughter does many other things as well- they all seem to blend
together. She learned to write mainly through email. She will draw and
make jewelry while watching TV shows.

If you can just sit and feel your feelings and separate that from what
is truly going on, that can really help. I have been there and have gone
through all those feelings of being unsure and worrying that I was
ruining my kids. They are not ruined! Absolutely the opposite!

Hope that is helpful- it is not so long ago that we took the final steps
and it has been absolutely worth it in terms of improved relationships
and with no ill effect to learning- they learn always.

Heather

Donna Vanderlip wrote:
>
> Keep benifiting from the support I find here as we continue the
> deschooling process. Although I am seeing some remarkable things
> happening with both Kora and Lukas, I still feel overwhelmed by the
> amount of time Lukas chooses to spend on the computer. I waver between
> being patient and understanding the process and questioning whether or
> not I am being a good parent as I watch him focus on nothing else but
> screens. On many levels I see that he is coping with not being at
> school and is just simply uncertain about how to fill his time.
> However, it sometimes breaks my heart to see how he has pushed away so
> many other interests.
>






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joyce Fetteroll

On Sep 19, 2007, at 2:57 PM, Donna Vanderlip wrote:

> I still feel overwhelmed by the amount of time Lukas chooses to
> spend on the computer.

What if he had set aside all his interests to read books? Would that
feel different? Why?

I think it helps a lot to not see the computer as a single thing.
It's a gateway to the world. It's movies and music and humor and
friends and stories and games.

You're looking just at the doorway and not seeing what is fascinating
him beyond it. Sit with him and find out!

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Meredith

--- In [email protected], Donna Vanderlip
<donnavanderlip@...> wrote:
>I still feel overwhelmed by the amount of time Lukas chooses to
spend on the computer. I waver between being patient and
understanding the process and questioning whether or not I am being
a good parent as I watch him focus on nothing else but screens.
********************

I have a few different thoughts, the first being that it can be
really helpful for *you* to switch your viewpoint from "screens" to
all the different things he's watching, doing, exploring, learning,
making decisions about - even if he's only playing one game!!! Ray
still spends hours every day playing Runescape, so what I've done is
play some of the game myself, read about it online, talk with him
about it, and get an understanding of all the many different aspects
of this game.

>> On many levels I see that he is coping with not being at school
>>and is just simply uncertain about how to fill his time.

It's also useful to realize that, now that he's out of school, he
has to Learn to do many things he was Made to do in school - things
like make decisions about what he really likes and wants, setting
priorities based on those likes and wants, and self-motivating.
Computers and television can be (maybe surprisingly) good resources
for learning those things *without* pressure from adults, since moms
and dads typically don't say things like "You need to figure out how
to get to level 49 this week, Mister!" or "You need to watch All of
season four *before* the new season starts so that you're not
behind" ;)

>>However, it sometimes breaks my heart to see how he has pushed
>>away so many other interests.

A couple different thoughts here, too - some of that may be
temporary, as he's learning those real-life skills I mentioned
above. At the same time, some of that may have to do with the fact
that some of the interests kids develop while they are in school
have more to do with school and dealing with *that* experience than
we realize until school goes away.

Ray has totally no interest in the sports he played in school, for
example. While he was in school, they were what he was good at, so
he valued them for that. Now that he doesn't have the constant
running-down of his self-esteem, he doesn't need the sports. He's
also dropped every single school friend - a shock to us, since he's
sooooooo social! But they *only* had school in common. Now he has
friends via Runescape and his other interests, friends who range in
age from about 11 up into their 50s.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 13)

geminimmn_99

>>However, it sometimes breaks my heart to see how he has pushed
>>away so many other interests.<<

> A couple different thoughts here, too - some of that may be
temporary, as he's learning those real-life skills I mentioned
above. At the same time, some of that may have to do with the fact
that some of the interests kids develop while they are in school
have more to do with school and dealing with *that* experience than
we realize until school goes away. <

I have to tell you Meredith that your posts really jump out at me. I
can see alot of my son Justin(11)in your sharing about Ray. I couldn't
for the life of me figure out why Justin had stopped skateboarding
after being home for a few months. He has skated since he was six. He
would spend hours a day at the skatepark, spend all his money at the
skateshop and keep up with all his favorite skaters on TV and in
magazines. Over the summer I surprised him with tickets to the Dew Tour
in Cleveland to see some of the pros compete. He even got to meet some
of his absolute favs and get autographs. Since then he has stopped
skating. When I would has him why he doesn't want to skate he just says
that it isn't as much fun as it used to be. I guess skating was his
escape from school. Your post here made me realize that I have been
focusing more on what Justin isn't doing rather than what he is. He has
moved on and I need to "catch up"!

Michelle
Justin (11)

Donna Vanderlip

Thank you so much for this. I feel a great deal of clarity and I think to day when Lukas goes to the computer I am going to spend some time with him. In fact I will do a little of this every day. Your message about interests is especially provocative. I see some of this with my oldest Kora(10). She let go of sports she loved, piano lessons, reading and drawing. It seems we cannot underestimate the depth of what school really does to some kids. I think it is amazing how school takes away our ability to make decisions for ourselves and puts so many in the position of conformity for the sake of survival. So here are our children after only a few short years left to make some decisions on their own. Trying to find themselves so to speak....luckily they get to do it now rather than in their 30's. Sorry I rambled a bit....
Thanks again for the words of wisdom
Donna

Meredith <meredith@...> wrote:
--- In [email protected], Donna Vanderlip
<donnavanderlip@...> wrote:
>I still feel overwhelmed by the amount of time Lukas chooses to
spend on the computer. I waver between being patient and
understanding the process and questioning whether or not I am being
a good parent as I watch him focus on nothing else but screens.
********************

I have a few different thoughts, the first being that it can be
really helpful for *you* to switch your viewpoint from "screens" to
all the different things he's watching, doing, exploring, learning,
making decisions about - even if he's only playing one game!!! Ray
still spends hours every day playing Runescape, so what I've done is
play some of the game myself, read about it online, talk with him
about it, and get an understanding of all the many different aspects
of this game.

>> On many levels I see that he is coping with not being at school
>>and is just simply uncertain about how to fill his time.

It's also useful to realize that, now that he's out of school, he
has to Learn to do many things he was Made to do in school - things
like make decisions about what he really likes and wants, setting
priorities based on those likes and wants, and self-motivating.
Computers and television can be (maybe surprisingly) good resources
for learning those things *without* pressure from adults, since moms
and dads typically don't say things like "You need to figure out how
to get to level 49 this week, Mister!" or "You need to watch All of
season four *before* the new season starts so that you're not
behind" ;)

>>However, it sometimes breaks my heart to see how he has pushed
>>away so many other interests.

A couple different thoughts here, too - some of that may be
temporary, as he's learning those real-life skills I mentioned
above. At the same time, some of that may have to do with the fact
that some of the interests kids develop while they are in school
have more to do with school and dealing with *that* experience than
we realize until school goes away.

Ray has totally no interest in the sports he played in school, for
example. While he was in school, they were what he was good at, so
he valued them for that. Now that he doesn't have the constant
running-down of his self-esteem, he doesn't need the sports. He's
also dropped every single school friend - a shock to us, since he's
sooooooo social! But they *only* had school in common. Now he has
friends via Runescape and his other interests, friends who range in
age from about 11 up into their 50s.

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 13)






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mara

My then 13 y.o. stepson, coming out of middle
school, spend almost an entire year on the computer,
interspersed with some reading and TV, cooking food
occasionally, but it did seem at the time that he did
nothing else but be on the computer. And then, one
day, it was over. Now (at 16) he has many interests
and many friends, likes the outdoors and is barely
ever on the computer anymore. He just needed it to
deschool. Just be supportive and spend time with him
on the computer, talk about what he does, offer other
things as you think he might like them but don't mind
if he turns them all down -
All the best,
Mara

--- Donna Vanderlip <donnavanderlip@...> wrote:

> Keep benifiting from the support I find here as
> we continue the deschooling process. Although I am
> seeing some remarkable things happening with both
> Kora and Lukas, I still feel overwhelmed by the
> amount of time Lukas chooses to spend on the
> computer. I waver between being patient and
> understanding the process and questioning whether or
> not I am being a good parent as I watch him focus on
> nothing else but screens. On many levels I see that
> he is coping with not being at school and is just
> simply uncertain about how to fill his time.
> However, it sometimes breaks my heart to see how he
> has pushed away so many other interests.
>
> Just needing support through this process. Donna
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at
> giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo!
> Mail
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been
> removed]
>
>



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