caradove

I had a pretty horrible experience this evening and am pretty shaken
up. My friend next doors 5.5yr old girl was diagnosed a few weeks ago
with pinworms, her mom was so freaked out about it, and trying to help
I said that maybe since she went to an intro to Kindergarten thing in
the summer that could be why she got it and her 6yr old bro didn't.

So I thought she was acting strange and avoiding me, and my sons
friend said his mom was saying the worms came from my younger
daughters and when I went over to assure my next door friend that my
girls have never had it she tore strips off me.

She told me my kids were dirty and unvaccinated, that her kids were
not allowed round mine anymore, that my house is dirty and that my
11yo says he has no homework and that upsets her 6yo son who has
homework. That she is starting a daycare at home and it is illegal for
my unvaccinated kids to be around there, and that since my kids have
been in her house before, she has sterilised everything. When I tried
to say that my kids are rarely sick she said that their immunity is
good because the house is dirty. She said my 4yo must have dirty
diseases cause she likes to go about all day naked in the house, I can
just now get her to put clothes on for outside. Her 5.5yo daughter and
the little 4yo girl from across the street were listening to it all
and when her daughter reached out to my 1yo in my arms her mom pulled
her away. She was very loud, angry and rude to me and then slammed the
door in my face.

I was so shook up I came home and cried, I could hardly speak through
sobbing when I called my DH at work to tell him. I have so few friends
in the area that it is a real shock to be treated that way.

So I guess I am posting this here because maybe some of you can give
me a bit of insight or comfort as to how to deal with some one
attacking with "dirty, freaky, unvaccinated homeschoolers"

And now how to deal with my children being left out and several moms
deciding I am to blame for their kids contagious illness? My 6yo
overheard me on the phone and said "who says we are dirty mommy?"

Cara

Melissa

Well, to make you feel better, read this
http://www.emedicinehealth.com/pinworms/article_em.htm
Pinworms are extremely common and so easy to get, the daughter could
have gotten it from a dozen different sources. And it's very likely
that everyone in the family has it, just not the same symptoms,
because it is so contagious. And I'm evil enough to take satisfaction
from that. Sigh. I'm not very evolved as a person.

I dealt with the dirty and unvaccinated and unschooler judgements by
not hanging out with people who would judge me as such. I found
really good friends through online groups for natural parenting, etc,
and that has helped tremendously. That doesn't mean that you won't
come across those types of people, in fact, one of our local group
members got a hideous, detailed email of everything that was wrong
with her after a gathering at her house, it was very hurtful, and she
really needed us to reaffirm with her that her choices are GOOD and
that her values are her own, and that no one has the right to judge.

Please please please, help yourself by finding local groups, and if
the kids say something about feeling left out by neighborhood kids,
they will at least have the friends from your groups. Our kids
actually don't hang out with too many kids from our neighborhood.
they'll talk to them at the park or something, but there's only two
kids from our neighborhood that come over the play. We import the
rest ;-)
WIsh we were closer.
Melissa
Mom to Josh (12), Breanna (10), Emily (8), Rachel (7), Sam (6), Dan
(4), and Avari Rose (19 months)

share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma



On Sep 14, 2007, at 11:08 PM, caradove wrote:

> I had a pretty horrible experience this evening and am pretty shaken
> up. My friend next doors 5.5yr old girl was diagnosed a few weeks ago
> with pinworms, her mom was so freaked out about it, and trying to help
> I said that maybe since she went to an intro to Kindergarten thing in
> the summer that could be why she got it and her 6yr old bro didn't.
>
> So I thought she was acting strange and avoiding me, and my sons
> friend said his mom was saying the worms came from my younger
> daughters and when I went over to assure my next door friend that my
> girls have never had it she tore strips off me.
>
> She told me my kids were dirty and unvaccinated, that her kids were
> not allowed round mine anymore, that my house is dirty and that my
> 11yo says he has no homework and that upsets her 6yo son who has
> homework. That she is starting a daycare at home and it is illegal for
> my unvaccinated kids to be around there, and that since my kids have
> been in her house before, she has sterilised everything. When I tried
> to say that my kids are rarely sick she said that their immunity is
> good because the house is dirty. She said my 4yo must have dirty
> diseases cause she likes to go about all day naked in the house, I can
> just now get her to put clothes on for outside. Her 5.5yo daughter and
> the little 4yo girl from across the street were listening to it all
> and when her daughter reached out to my 1yo in my arms her mom pulled
> her away. She was very loud, angry and rude to me and then slammed the
> door in my face.
>
> I was so shook up I came home and cried, I could hardly speak through
> sobbing when I called my DH at work to tell him. I have so few friends
> in the area that it is a real shock to be treated that way.
>
> So I guess I am posting this here because maybe some of you can give
> me a bit of insight or comfort as to how to deal with some one
> attacking with "dirty, freaky, unvaccinated homeschoolers"
>
> And now how to deal with my children being left out and several moms
> deciding I am to blame for their kids contagious illness? My 6yo
> overheard me on the phone and said "who says we are dirty mommy?"
>
> Cara
>
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Ren Allen

~~She told me my kids were dirty and unvaccinated, that her kids were
not allowed round mine anymore, that my house is dirty and that my
11yo says he has no homework and that upsets her 6yo son who has
homework.~~


Ouch. I'm so sorry you had to endure such a painful experience Cara. I
really try to surround myself with people that understand and support
our choices. It's not always easy to find them, but they're out there.
Even if they aren't unschoolers.

One of our close family friends is a Christian homeschooling Mom
(mostly homeschooling only because of custody/ex issues) and she is
SO supportive and understanding of our choices. Ya just never know.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

trektheory

She sounds like a very ignorant woman. Pinworms are a VERY common
thing in children, and come of walking barefoot and stepping where
pinworms (usually where animals have gone to the bathroom). My home,
growing up, was immaculate, yet I had pinworms as a child.

And sterilizing things because an unvaccinated (but not ill) child was
there? She just created more work for herself.

Linda
--- In [email protected], "caradove" <caradove@...> wrote:
>
> I had a pretty horrible experience this evening and am pretty shaken
> up. My friend next doors 5.5yr old girl was diagnosed a few weeks ago
> with pinworms, her mom was so freaked out about it, and trying to help
> I said that maybe since she went to an intro to Kindergarten thing in
> the summer that could be why she got it and her 6yr old bro didn't.
>
>
> She told me my kids were dirty and unvaccinated, that her kids were
> not allowed round mine anymore, that my house is dirty and that my
> 11yo says he has no homework and that upsets her 6yo son who has
> homework. That she is starting a daycare at home and it is illegal for
> my unvaccinated kids to be around there, and that since my kids have
> been in her house before, she has sterilised everything.

paul mcgee

just let her get on with it..she's one of those highly strung over reactive poodle types........although shes very insulting. i'd totally ignore her in the future.

---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

caradove

Thanks, that gave me a laugh! I have spent a good part of the last two
days crying, so needed a laugh.

Cara, Mom to Ebhann(11),Isa(9),Krsangi(6),Dharani(4),Nila-Madhava
(15mnths)

> just let her get on with it..she's one of those highly strung over
reactive poodle types........although shes very insulting. i'd totally
ignore her in the future.

carenkh

Cara -

I'm so sorry you and your kids had to experience this. It's hard when
faced with any kind of prejudice and close-mindedness.

This may not be true for you in this situation, but I have always
thought of people who vocalize against choices I've made as a mirror,
showing me that small voice of doubt within myself. It's an
opportunity for me to look within, and see if anything they're saying
resonates as truth for me. I've found that the further along I am on
this unschooling journey, the less I hear things like that. And if I
do, they really just roll off my back. I have more confidence now that
we've been doing this for 7 years.

My ego is especially adept at finding those places where I still have
doubts and am still hanging on to old ways of doing things (in my
mind, if not in my actions). Invariably, *those* are the things that
are brought up to me by someone else

I teach West African drumming and lead drum circles. Just recently, a
friend - someone who I really enjoyed being around, enjoyed her energy
- basically called me out for teaching West African drumming, saying I
should leave that for the African-American teachers. (She is
African-American, I am white.) It's yet another thing stolen from
African Americans, in other words, by white people who could afford to
travel to West Africa and learn from teachers there. I was shocked to
see this belief being expressed by her. Our conversation came at the
same time I was taking a class at my church, looking at racism inside
me and inside our community, and in the history of our city. No
coincidence there! She was giving voice to those whisperings of doubt
I carried in myself. I took a lot of time with coming to my own truth
about what she was saying, really spending a lot of time in prayer and
meditation, talking to other drummers, other black women, etc. What
has come about as a result is my further confidence in what I'm doing
- there are kids who might *never* hear West African rhythms if I
didn't bring them to their school or camp. I have this knowledge - I
am supposed to share it. If someone were to confront me now, I'd be
even more secure in my choice to teach - a gift of that most difficult
encounter with my friend.

So - if someone is expressing doubt in my choices, if I am secure in
those choices it doesn't blow me about in that storm of judgement - I
can let them be where they are. It's when I have doubt about those
choices that it really shakes me up, and it's an opportunity for me to
look within, and find the truth for myself. It becomes less important
what others think of me or my choices when I am at peace.

peace to you -

Gassho ~
Caren

paul mcgee

just wanted to add to my reply.....all the resposes are deep and meaningful, a lesson to look inwards and evaluate......i wish i were that far upon my journey...alas my deepest instinct would have me fighting NOT to punch the poodle straight in the nose...which i wouldn't as the kids would have been there....but the desire would have been rife nonetheless.....blessings, Ann xx

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One of the Wechts

SNIP
>>>>Pinworms are a VERY common
thing in children, and come of walking barefoot and stepping where
pinworms (usually where animals have gone to the bathroom). <<<<


Just to clarify. Pinworms are NOT from animals.
See the link (one of many I am sure)
http://www.emedicinehealth.com/pinworms/article_em.htm
Sorry had to jump in. Pets are often blamed (wrongly) for that and lice.

Beth in MD
unschooling mom and occasional vet

Meredith

--- In [email protected], paul mcgee <worslo@...> wrote:
>
> just wanted to add to my reply.....all the resposes are deep and
meaningful, a lesson to look inwards and evaluate......i wish i were
that far upon my journey...alas my deepest instinct would have me
fighting NOT to punch the poodle straight in the nose
***********************

Since you brought it up, I'd like to gently suggest looking at the
whole "poodle" thing and thinking about it from a more compassionate
direction. Yeah, its a fun image, but it doesn't help you (I know *you*
weren't the one who talked to her, but I have a feeling you've met
other "poodles"). Usually when someone freaks out that impressively
that person is expressing a whole lot of fears and insecurities all at
once. If you think of you own insecurities around your kids and their
well-being, its possible to connect with the *feelings* even if the
ways they were expressed was.....less than generous to say the least!

One of the interesting things about RU is how many people report
becomming more sensitive and compassionate to other adults in the
process of learning to have better relationships with our kids. The
same principles really apply to all human relationships - look for the
underlying needs, seek to communicate (not just talk), assume positive
intent first, and trust that the other person is doing the best she can
with what she has in the moment. I'm sure there's more, but right
now.... the sunshine is calling me!!

---Meredith (Mo 6, Ray 13)

[email protected]

In a message dated 9/14/2007 9:09:01 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,
caradove@... writes:

dirty, freaky, unvaccinated homeschoolers"



Hey, Cara...we are the same as you :) It's ok - cry and cry and let those
coping chemicals come out, so you can get fierce and strong again on the outside
as you are on the inside. You're ok. As much as that hurt (and what a mean,
nasty, small minded woman! ) you are learning from this event. Sigh. How
awful. I wish I could come see you in your dirty home, lol, with my dirty,
freaky, unvaxe'd kids and the little ones could play out back naked all darn day! I
have a friend that was SO freaked out in general, we weren't allowed to see
her baby until her baby had been vaccinated. At least however, we were not
excluded, she said the same about ALL children (it makes no sense, but try
telling her that! Especially since she allowed adults over...ACK!)

I don't have much to say, but I really wanted to send love across the ocean
to you. I'm so sorry that there are people that are so uneducated and so
hurtful. You and your I bet BEAUTIFUL family are the healthy and wonderful family
we all need living next door to us.

Hang in there, ok? I look forward to reading the responses from others.

Love,
Karen
(PS - in school, my daughter brought home pin worms WAY too many times, but
it's NOT from being anything other than a tactile kid...that woman needs to
learn what they are and how they are dealt with! Grr! Makes me want to spit
nails as my mom would say, lol!)



************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

paul mcgee

lovely intent, but i'm afraid i'm not that deep. my experience of people is that there are two kinds those who are genuinely reasonable and those who fall into differing categories. i never seek to blame or force my opinions upon anyone else, and i get very cross when they have done it to me. so i'm really glad that you can deal with it the way that you do, its very noble......i'd rather just tell someone who was so extraordinarily rude to get lost...i have neither the time, nor the inclination to decipher their underlying root fears and insecurities.lol, yes i have met lots of poodles in my time, some i've viewed from a distance one or two in my contacts, and not once have i sought to learn anything from anyone so ignorant. good that you can though, thats what makes us such a rich tapestry of different beings. Annx

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paul mcgee

sorry meredith, i forgot to ask, what is R.U it sounds interesting?????.

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trektheory

Sorry -- my bad!

Linda

--- In [email protected], "One of the Wechts"
<erw@...> wrote:
>
> Just to clarify. Pinworms are NOT from animals.
> See the link (one of many I am sure)
> http://www.emedicinehealth.com/pinworms/article_em.htm
> Sorry had to jump in. Pets are often blamed (wrongly) for that and
lice.
>
> Beth in MD
> unschooling mom and occasional vet
>

paul mcgee

Cara, glad i made you laugh, its good to try and let it wash off you. next time you see her, think of that snappety little poodle complete with pom pom legs and a high pitched yap. that should see you straight girl. love from ann and smelly unvacc home ed kids also. xxxxxx

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Deb Lewis

***She was very loud, angry and rude to me and then slammed the
door in my face.***

She has probably taken pride in being a good mom, keeping her house
clean and her kids "safe." She's had an upset and her world is spinning
right now because her kid has worms and your "dirty" kids are healthy.
She's embarrassed and feeling like it's unfair that she tries so hard
to be a good mom while you're relaxed and her kid is the one with
worms. That's a big blow to her. She's afraid of looking like a bad
mom. She has her self worth tied up in these worms. <g>

Be a good neighbor and stay home. Make a lot of fun time with your
kids so they don't miss her kids so much. Things might settle out
later.



Deb Lewis

Allison

I'm sorry to hear that. I can definitely relate.I have heard similar
negative comments from my family. They are constantly giving me a
hard time about the way we raise our children (and they accuse me of
being close-minded!). Just a couple weeks ago my grandfather was in
the hospital and I was told by my grandmother and mom they didn't
want my kids visiting him because they are not vacinated. That
really hurt.
I have learned to keep my distance and surround myself and the kids
with like-minded people.
I also think she was probably upset her kid had worms and just
wanted someone to blame. Just keep your head up and don't let others
misery drag you down.


--- In [email protected], "Deb Lewis" <d.lewis@...>
wrote:
>
> ***She was very loud, angry and rude to me and then slammed the
> door in my face.***
>
> She has probably taken pride in being a good mom, keeping her
house
> clean and her kids "safe." She's had an upset and her world is
spinning
> right now because her kid has worms and your "dirty" kids are
healthy.
> She's embarrassed and feeling like it's unfair that she tries so
hard
> to be a good mom while you're relaxed and her kid is the one with
> worms. That's a big blow to her. She's afraid of looking like a
bad
> mom. She has her self worth tied up in these worms. <g>
>
> Be a good neighbor and stay home. Make a lot of fun time with
your
> kids so they don't miss her kids so much. Things might settle out
> later.
>
>
>
> Deb Lewis
>

Emilie

My daughter just got diagnosed with pinworms too. I admit to
experiencing some temporary pinworm insanity myself. At least I hope
it's temporary :-) . I feel overwhelmed when dealing with researching
which meds are safe for babies, trying to imagine how I will manage
the extra laundry, morning showers for everyone etc. for the next few
weeks. Reading about medication resistant pinworm strains, natural
remedies vs. medical remedies and dietary susceptibilty patterns is
making my head spin. Some people don't have very good coping skills
and need someone to blame and lash out at when they are very
stressed. Maybe she'll be mortified once the insanity passes. If it
passes..."pinworm neurosis" is apparently a real thing which can last
long after the worms are gone.

Good luck,

Emilie (Felicity 6, Cecilia, 3 Charlotte 1)

Meredith

--- In [email protected], paul mcgee <worslo@...> wrote:
>
> sorry meredith, i forgot to ask, what is R.U it sounds
interesting?????.

Radical Unschooling! And yes, its very interesting!

---Meredith

paul mcgee

Duh !!!!!!RU????? am i thick or what????????????? lol.........where's me brain?????thanks meredithx

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Marla B.

If someone were to confront me now, I'd be
> even more secure in my choice to teach - a gift of that most difficult
> encounter with my friend.
>


What a beautiful message! I really enjoyed reading it and printed it
out to put where I can see it and remember it!

Thank you for such wise and well-written words!


Marla Mom to Amy (8 yo.) and Lily (4 yo.)

caradove

Emilie,

My 9yo son just got diagnosed with celiac disease and the parasite
Giardia, probably cause his immune system is very weak from the
celiac. We used Dr Christophers Herbal Parasite Syrup with good
results and no side effects. The girl next door got mebendazole for
the pinworms and felt sick and had a two day bad headache. If you want
more info about the Dr Christoper stuff drop me a line and I can send
you the links, I couldnt figure out haw to email u off group about this!

Cara


I feel overwhelmed when dealing with researching
> which meds are safe for babies, trying to imagine how I will manage
> the extra laundry, morning showers for everyone etc. for the next few
> weeks. Reading about medication resistant pinworm strains, natural
> remedies vs. medical remedies and dietary susceptibilty patterns is
> making my head spin.
>
> Emilie (Felicity 6, Cecilia, 3 Charlotte 1)
>