[email protected]

In a message dated 9/14/2007 9:23:11 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
[email protected] writes:

For me it's the trying to figure out what to get the long list of people.
<<<<<<<<

For Christmas (and all year long really) the best gift that our family gives
itself is the gift of doing, being, giving, visiting exactly who, what,
when, where we WANT. I don't have a list of people to "give" to. I have a list
of wonderful, caring, important people in my life. No NOT all family members
make it onto that list, I will probably still send them a little note
letting them know I am thinking of them. But my time is valuable and giving of my
time is a special thing. Making or buying gifts for people I really care
about is a JOY, I love thinking about the person, what they would truly enjoy,
what would bring a smile to their face etc. I do not feel the obligation of
Christmas that so many people feel. It doesn't bother me if someone questions
why I didn't give them a gift. Probably deep in their heart they already
know why. I don't try to be "fair" by the standard terminology. To me fair
means giving people exactly what they want/need. And that INCLUDES myself.

My boys, Jackson and myself get what we want all year long. No we are not
made of money, and we do a lot of saving and budgeting, but wanting something
doesn't just happen at Christmas. We also get and give each other gifts at
Christmas, with that extra something...the extra thought that goes into
picking out a gift. I haven't really thought about it but for us maybe the
difference is that at Christmas it is about getting the gift the person never knew
they would enjoy so much, along with some from the "Christmas list". Finding
that perfect something for someone so very special. I LOVE THE SEARCH. I
love the thought.

Since letting go of the typical Christmas, we have enjoyed Christmas so much
more, we also have a solstice celebration as well. It did take a lot to rid
myself of the feelings of guilt, the "should have" done "should have given"
whoever etc. But it has made a tremendous change in the holiday season, for
the better, for us.

Pam G

Visit my blog: http://gentlegull.blogspot.com/




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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

carenkh

Pam, thank you for this post. You said it really well. I remember
being at a support group meeting years ago, and folks were sharing
about being stressed by "having" to buy stuff for their kids. It hit
me then that I didn't feel that way (so much - I do like to give
Christmas gifts!), because I gave of myself all year. I am there when
my sister needs me, and she knows that - so I don't have to spend a
certain amount at Christmas to "prove" I love her.

Wildflower (love your name! it makes me happy to write it), have you
read "Unplug the Christmas Machine"?
( http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0688109616/18884thera )
It has been many years since I read that, but I remember getting a lot
out of it - and it looks like you can get it cheap, used!

peace,
Caren


--- In [email protected], Genant2@... wrote:
>
>
I don't have a list of people to "give" to. I have a list
> of wonderful, caring, important people in my life.

Ren Allen

~~No NOT all family members make it onto that list, I will probably
still send them a little note letting them know I am thinking of them.
But my time is valuable and giving of my time is a special thing.
Making or buying gifts for people I really care about is a JOY, I love
thinking about the person, what they would truly enjoy, what would
bring a smile to their face etc. I do not feel the obligation of
Christmas that so many people feel. ~~


I just thought this whole post was so great! When we see it IS all a
choice, that shifts the entire feeling of everything. Christmas is one
of our favorite times, but I don't feel the whole "obligation" thing
anymore. That was self-induced.

We have a common preference with our extended family that the focus is
on the kids. I really, truly don't want a bunch of gifts (though I'm
happy if I receive them too) because it makes me so happy to focus on
the children.

The adults don't worry about buying for each other. We mostly just
send cards and photos. The people we make things for are people we
truly adore. We would send them these things with or without a holiday
as an excuse.

The other thing I've released is doing all our favorite traditions by
a certain date. I LOVE making the traditional gingerbread houses, but
if things are busy we just make them after Christmas. Heck, we'll make
them in July if we feel like it. We can do it whenever it feels like
fun! We've done a Christmas meal that was Mexican themed before,
simple and delicious. :) We decide exactly what works for all of us
and let the rest go.

That's one of the healing aspects of unschooling for me...there are no
"rules" or "right" way to do anything. Holiday is what we choose and
we choose to make it fun and soul-nourishing.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com